How often do they come back?

Old-Caramel-2301 · 2026-05-12T15:52:43+00:00

My ex wife did not come back, and for a long time i was wishing she would. But this is insanity. Bear with me...

Now 18 months after she left I had a dream that her and I were getting remarried. I woke up in cold sweats because i realized how horrible that would be.

If a woman leaves you, you would be a fool to take her back.

She is dead to you.

A woman does not leave a man she truly loves. I believe there is a small percentage of women out there that do actually love, but the majority just love what you can give them or how you make them feel. And that changes day to day.

If she did ever try to weasel her way back into your life, and you let her back in, it would be the worst possible scenario.

Claw_Building_8 · 2026-05-02T02:49:01+00:00

Women who do things like that never apologize.

IcyMycologist4837 · 2026-05-01T02:37:44+00:00

You should not want to want her to come back. It would ruin your life. Move on bro!!!

RichardCleveland · 2026-04-29T19:45:02+00:00

She's not coming back bro. But you are doing great with taking the right steps to move forward. The problem is everything is still fresh, it can take years in order to heal enough to let go. I am really sorry you are feeling so down right now, it will get better!

tonyway7293 · 2026-04-29T12:51:48+00:00

I couldn’t imagine my ex coming back due to the financial payout alone. I had to give her $45k to buy her out after she cheated on and discarded me.

She is stupid but I don’t think she is that stupid to show up one day again but who knows.

If she did show up I’d tell her to give me $45k plus the lawyer fees and a blowjob and then I’d tell her to leave.

Independent-Band7571 · 2026-04-29T12:35:59+00:00

Women and accountability mix like oil and water

UnknownUsername113 · 2026-04-29T12:23:01+00:00

She’s not coming back. End of story. Stop wishing she would. She treated you like shit and you admit that you weren’t the best to her. It’s done.

She doesn’t care how good you look, how much money you make, what kind of car you drive… she’s not coming back. Do those things for yourself, not for someone else, or you’ll never be happy.

StAsBy52 · 2026-04-29T06:58:51+00:00

Some.doz.some.dont. Generally come.baack when the grass isn't greener or you've improved. Is thought never get over someone rhrn someone else.pops up. Had exes come back,.met.for a coffee, - amd said no when they wanted to try again

Life's a journey..work.on you. And a.female has generally checked.out / other options before the final move. Become.a.better version of you.

Best-Maintenance-208 · 2026-04-29T03:05:34+00:00

Ok OP, let me rip the bandaid off here. It's gonna be a tad harsh, thems the breaks homie.

1 - she isn't coming back, stop worrying, thinking, reminiscing, whatever this is. (I know you had good intentions with the question, but you're still hung up on her, and that's ok I suppose. Honestly, the woman you loved and married? She died. You're left with the ghoul of a zombie harpy lady who was so selfish and hurtful, she ended a marriage for "free time"...? Really?)

2 - you deserve better than how she treated you

3 - straight tell ANYONE, and I mean ABSOLUTELY ANYONE, former family, former friends, former veteranarian, I don't flipping care, they're former for a reason; that tries to cross that boundary, to get bent

4 - you're doing all the right things, all of them

5 - focus on yourself

6 - burn any and everything that reminds you of her, purge that spiteful, selfish, ADHD BS excuse making waste of space out of your life dude.

Yeah I know I'm harsh, a tad black pilled, but women/people like that? 👏🏻 DO 👏🏻 NOT👏🏻 DESERVE 👏🏻 ANYTHING 👏🏻 FROM 👏🏻 THE 👏🏻 GOOD 👏🏻 MEN 👏🏻 THEY 👏🏻 LEAVE/LEFT 👏🏻 PERIOD 👏🏻.

Psychological-Cry221 · 2026-04-28T21:55:27+00:00

Yeah my ex wife wanted to come back and I looked at her like she was insane. This would be the same look that I would give to you. She sounds so incompatible with you it’s not even funny.

ApprehensiveSpare925 · 2026-04-28T21:43:53+00:00

A woman never belongs to a man. It was just your turn. Your turn is over. Move on.

MenuDiscombobulated5 · 2026-04-28T21:39:21+00:00

Bro. Move on. Seriously. Get some therapy for your neediness. Best thing you can do for yourself. You're not over your neediness yet. I can tell from your question & the way you wrote it. You said you took accountability, but you still have some work to do.

You've worked hard & finished law school. You're not just kicking off a law career. You're kicking ASS! Such an accomplishment. I don't know you, but I'm proud of you for that. Focus on that and forget about her!

You asked if she'll ever come back. Doesn't matter whether or not she will, but ironically she'll be most likely to come back after you're succeeding in your law career and after you've moved on, don't care about her, and wouldn't take her back even if she wanted to. It's weird, I know. But that's the way it works when you're rejected for neediness.

I'm not even gonna attempt to answer your questions, bc you shouldn't be worrying about that. Get over her. Her family isn't obligated to get your permission to hire the photographer of their choice for a wedding, regardless of whether you introduced them. Get therapy, focus on your career & DON'T look for a partner in your dating yet. You're not ready.

Big_Marsupial_8142 · 2026-04-28T21:16:09+00:00

Mine "tested the water" a time or two to gage my interest.... I didn't take the bait... Never take the bait... Move on and don't look back brother...

streetsmartwallaby · 2026-04-28T21:09:57+00:00

Mine sort of did but not directly. And it was after five years of hellish behavior on her part. It was right before she left (we haven’t seen or heard from her since) so I suspect was a way of making amends.

Emotional_Feedback34 · 2026-04-28T18:54:18+00:00

Even if she came back, do you really want her back? She already broke your trust, her vows, etc. and left you.

dukeofthefoothills1 · 2026-04-28T18:13:08+00:00

If the trash takes itself out, don’t run to the curb to bring the stinking filth back.

Ok_Industry3016 · 2026-04-28T17:52:55+00:00

Outside of my ex wife they all came back.

Source 30+ Women

Ok-Cause1108 · 2026-04-28T17:40:59+00:00

Very rarely do women come back, and when they do it is not because they love you and feel they made a mistake by leaving you.

Once a woman falls out of love with a guy it is impossible for her to turn that switch on for him ever again. The good news is you really have to do a lot wrong over a long period of time for them to start resenting you to the point that they stop loving you . You generally have 6-12 months to correct any issues before they turn off to you . Sex is ALWAYS the check engine light on how they feel about you so if they starts to wane in any way it is time to open her up and make a course correction (assuming you want the relationship to continue). They will not communicate directly but their behavior in the bedroom reveals all so pay attention.

They will come back and manipulate you if they are unable to support themselves financially. This is not uncommon. Typically they will find a guy they like within 2 years and leave again if you fall for this.

Just know they do not feel remorse for leaving, they will not apologize genuinely because in their heads it is your fault they lost attraction for you (not completely untrue), and they will never love you again romantically.

Best practice is to always block them on absolutely everything, let go of the future you thought you would have with them, and rebuild an amazing life for yourself to the point you do not need a female to feel complete or happy. Do this and the universe will make sure you cross paths with a good woman - then it's up to you to make a move.

liquid-icee · 2026-04-28T17:15:34+00:00

My ex told me to leave her alone and she “just wanted to move on” (with her AP she was cheating on me with) over a year later they’re married and “happy”. However that doesn’t stop her from stalking my socials, bad mouthing me on facebook, showing up at my work randomly, being on dating apps and OF. Safe to say I “won”. I’m glad she’s gone and want no part of that nonsense. My life is much better in practically every way without her toxic ass in it. We have no kids or any legal ties whatsoever.

My suggestion is move on and don’t worry about it. You’re young and there’s plenty of other women out there and now you should know better and can be more selective, especially with your career path. Don’t expect any closure or apologies. I certainly never got any. Any attempt for her to reach out would not be good for you.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2026-04-28T16:40:07+00:00

You're not going to get closure from her. And after a year IF she does pop back up 100% it will be mind games, a half answer to things, and WILL SET YOU BACK EVEN MORE.

If she came calling your move should be to block/ignore. Not interact. Any contact is going to drag out back down into a pit of doom.

One_Mathematician864 · 2026-04-28T15:13:42+00:00

You're 28, kicking off new career, no kids!

Unfortunately you still have some attachment to her. I would get into therapy and work through that. Your life is about to get infinitely better and you don't want the memories of her to hold you back. Please work on detaching asap.

You are about to enter your prime years. Learn how to find , assess and pick better partners.

I wish I were in your shoes and could start from scratch!

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2026-04-28T15:00:17+00:00

From what you described, the "avoidant", the devaluation/discard and selfishness without being accountable points to your ex being a classic narcissits.

She isn't ever coming back in a meaningful way you are wishing for. There will be no emotional closure. If she ever reaches out, she will be back for your supply, to use and discard again if needed.

I'd suggest you study up on narcissistic patterns ans I assure you, you will find your ex fiting that pattern.

Source: was in an 18 years long relationship/marriage with a narc. We dated before for a year or two as teens then had a 5 year long break, then she returned, lovebombed me and mirrored everything I wanted. I was a fool thinking she matured and changed. It was all a big act and 18 years later she completely ruined me, so even now I learn about the parallel life she led behind my back.

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2026-04-28T14:56:37+00:00

You NEED to move on bro. For you. Fuck her, for you.

WhydIJoinRedditAgain · 2026-04-28T14:51:13+00:00

My stbx has ADHD.

One of the symptoms of ADHD is extreme inflexibility, especially if undiagnosed until adulthood. They are always right, even when they are wrong.

Even if the preponderance of the evidence that you are a great catch and her dumb actions led to her breaking the marriage off, she wouldn’t be able to change her own mind. It’s the inflexibility of the ADHD.

And if it isn’t within her power to change herself, it certainly isn’t within your power to somehow make her change.

Also, please call your family member who they called about photography and make sure they know what the situation is, at least so they aren’t giving a “family discount.”

JayRock1970 · 2026-04-28T14:47:54+00:00

My ex wife had BPD. Went through the entire cycle with her, idealization, devaluation then discard. 6 weeks after our honeymoon she asked for ethical non-manogamy. When I said no, she told me she was leaving the next day. Left and completely ghosted me.

Zero apologies. Sent me a text a few months later. She couldn't be herself in the marriage. Felt stifled, even though I supported every healthy endeavor she chose.

It's been 10 months and zero reach out or apologies. She's completely moved on. Sure she blocks me out of her mind and found someone else probably.

I would never expect her to come back. Would be too much accountability/ shame involved for her. Likely the same with your ex.

too-far-for-missiles · 2026-04-28T14:44:32+00:00

You will never receive an apology, and you'll just have to live with that. She probably told herself that you were the villain in her story for at least a year before she let you know it was over. That's just how it goes.

You fill that void by taking care of yourself (which you're doing!). If you are the kind of person who feels best when you have a partner, address that—I'm the same way. You'll be able to find someone who treats you far better than she ever did because now you have a better idea of what to watch out for.

DarthDad25 · 2026-04-28T14:43:43+00:00

The fact you’re asking this question shows you still have an emotional investment and dependence on her. Why are you wondering if she will come back? You said it yourself, you’re a man in his 20s kicking off an exciting and awesome new legal career. Brother, level up. Be the man you envision yourself as. Stop being the man stuck in the past. Stop being dependent upon what this woman is doing! Especially a woman that left you aside so quickly and easily.

Don’t invest your time, money, energy, or money on a woman who doesn’t voluntarily choose you.

Moms_Sketti88 · 2026-04-28T14:30:00+00:00

She will only come back when she discovers the grass isn’t greener. I hope by then you pick back up and meet someone who values you. You seem to have your life together. Educated, great career and you’re young. Lots of women out there. I’m a little jealous. lol I’m 36 with a kid so the dating pool is toxic and my options are limited. However, I did meet a great girl but she’s about to go off to residency so who knows if that will last :( I have a hard time trusting any one.

Do you have kids? Is your divorce finalized?

SeaweedWeird7705 · 2026-04-28T14:29:45+00:00

It’s been a year since she moved out, and I think you need to accept that she is not coming back. Focus on your friends, family, and dating. It is near impossible that she would ever come back. And if she did come back, you would never trust her again so you wouldn’t ever want her back anyway. Don’t expect an apology either. Exes never apologize. It sounds like she is just a person who doesn’t want responsibility.

Such_wow1984 · 2026-04-28T14:16:21+00:00

I’m sorry this happened and played out the way it did for you dude.

It’s been a year, she’s not coming back. And even if she was… she left you for a year… you don’t need someone like that in your life.

You’re a lawyer, you’re getting fit, and you’re still pretty young. First, get in therapy and put some work in, THEN, get out there in the world and start dating. I had a hard time getting over my ex until I got myself back out there.

VincentValensky · 2026-04-28T14:08:03+00:00

You're asking the wrong questions man. Considering how your past year has went, she's not going to give you closure, let alone consider coming back. You need to be the villain because that makes it psychologically easier for her to move on than holding a complex and nuanced position all the while standing her ground on the separation.

You won't get apologies, explanations or justice from her. Work on getting those things from yourself now and letting go the version of her you used to know.

vervii · 2026-04-28T14:06:07+00:00

0% of the time. Why do you want someone back that left you?

They made their choice and have given you 0 sign of anything else. They chose the life they wanted, as we all do. It sucks, grieve and then grow and find someone new.

acg34 · 2026-04-28T14:04:00+00:00

My ex wanted to come “home” after selling the paid off house she got in the divorce and spending most, if not all, of the proceeds. This was about 6 years after the divorce she wanted.

AssistantActive9529 · 2026-04-28T14:03:57+00:00

They all come back when the money disappears and the new guy dumps her. Leave her for the streets and move on brother. I know it’s painful but you gotta stand tall and move on.

dystinct · 2026-04-28T14:03:42+00:00

Come back? Hopefully never.

Title	How often do they come back?
Author	IceCreamChaser
Upvotes	36
Comments	96
Date	April 28, 2026 1:55 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1sy25rj/how_often_do_they_come_back/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-often-do-they-come-back.1579094 https://theredarchive.com/post/1579094

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