All the emotional labor, organizing and managing being pushed on the woman, who would have known? This is why multiple partners are not beneficial for women, instead of one man baby, she now has two of them.

AlextheAnalyst · 2021-04-13T08:34:01+00:00

Multiple man-children or not, it bugs me when people say they "had to" fix other people's problems. She HAD TO spend seven hours sanding the varnish off the floor? Why didn't the person who put it there spend seven hours sanding it off? And why is she paying for tools that they broke?

This is so like so many of the posts we see in the relationship and mom subs - these women are taking on a ridiculous number of tasks that shouldn't belong to them in the first place. Yes, a certain amount of housework is unavoidable if you live in a house and have a family, but these inane mishaps that other people are causing have nothing to do with her, why is she fixing them? If you don't want to be someone's mom, then STOP DOING ALL THE "MOM" JOBS. A competent adult should take no offence at doing these things himself.

Edit: Oh nooooo, I just saw page 2 of this awful situation. All of that advice is giving me the creeps.

sassyheather · 2021-04-13T08:27:02+00:00

I’ll never understand poly, it took me years to meet one man that has everything I want in a man, partner, eventual spouse, etc. and if I had to also find another???

EarthKveik · 2021-04-13T08:27:10+00:00

Planned incompetence: polyamory edition.

dance-in-the-ashes · 2021-04-13T08:24:14+00:00

Was in a live-in poly relationship for 4 years, legit was like having two man-children (who were also gaming and porn addicts and sometimes abusive, had mental health issues they refused help for, and no ambition). I worked full time, handled all their administrative life stuff, all the housework cooking shopping etc. Never again.

I quit polyamory partly because in theory it sounds nice but in practice it often ends up being misogynist and/or just another way for hookup culture to be acted out under the guise of relationship. Also (like BDSM) tends to attract kinds of people that are unhealthy for me.

BasieSkanks · 2021-04-13T10:55:46+00:00

"If someone sucks at something, don't make them do it" - this person must have been a terrible manager. There are some things in life that we HAVE to be good at or constantly strive to be better at. Basic adulting is one of them.

SpringJonesOcean · 2021-04-13T08:28:45+00:00

WTF is a "nesting partner?"

janeaustenfan99 · 2021-04-13T11:17:08+00:00

This is why polyamory is a load of horse shit

firenest · 2021-04-13T12:02:18+00:00

Even people who can see what a trap a more typical polyamorous relationship is (one guy with a girlfriend and additional female partners, ie. man + harem) often mistakenly believe that if you switched the sexes, you'd reverse the power dynamics. No, in both cases it's men leeching off women— either one man leeching off multiple women, or multiple men leeching off one woman.

islandmaiden · 2021-04-13T12:53:54+00:00

If you're a woman with two male partners and the relationship isn't working for you, you're stupid. You're better off single, or with just one man. One man should be making you feel like a queen, two men and you should be feeling like a goddess. This is like having a threesome and you're the one being used by two men. No! You should be being serviced by two men, not you servicing them both. If you have two male partners and you want a house built, they should be working to build that house and they never let you lift a finger. If you're doing polyamory and you're the one with multiple partners but you're at a disadvantage, then what's the point?

discochicken87 · 2021-04-13T11:45:37+00:00

Geeeeeez what's the point of having two if neither of them can do anything?

LadylikeElectricland · 2021-04-13T10:14:45+00:00

Wait a minute! Why is she paying for their mistakes? The moment they have to cover for their losses is the moment when they start thinking about what they are doing.

aquietsword · 2021-04-13T08:08:40+00:00

I have no words...this is a nightmare that she willingly walked into

Magnolia_Mirage · 2021-04-13T11:01:17+00:00

She obviously didn't communicate enough duh

TrixieFriganza · 2021-04-13T10:21:19+00:00

I'm surprised there are actually guys who are okay with sharing a woman with another man. Interesting situation but sounds crazy and totally sounds like these guys are with her because it benefits them and not really serious. Did she buy the house for them too because she has it will get more expensive for her? Shouldn't the guys pay specially for everything they break. Yeah she's totally a mother to 2 useless manchildren who are using her (I quite doubt they would be okay with another man in the relationship otherwise unless they're bisexual), she's insane for being okay with this. Damn I would much rather mother several children rather than 2 manchildren. The sex must be good because otherwise I don't get the point of this, so much work.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2021-04-13T10:20:38+00:00

Both of these men resent her, they hate their house, they don't want to do any renovations because it's a placeholder situationship for both of them. Either one will bail if he finds another woman with money, but neither are probably catches themselves.

aoi4eg · 2021-04-13T13:38:06+00:00

Stories like this always remind me of one episode from "Unbreakable Kimmy Shmidt" where Kimmy's friend decided to make her own cult, but with teenagers as her "husbands". It was presented as a funny skit where boys only played video games and demanded food, and she did endless laundry and cleaning and realised it was nothing like she imagined.

Also, quite a common thing I noticed in some people (mostly LVM): do something nobody asked you to do, and on top of that, do it bad. So when next time you being asked to do something, remind them how you ACTUALLY did "something" before but they didn't like that and you were really hurt by not being appreciated enough for trying and now you have a fear of failure and can't do anything.

NiBBasBeCrazy · 2021-04-13T09:21:52+00:00

Never understood the poly thing. I knew this girl and she was head over heels for this loser. He was an absolute waste of space.

He was homeless by choice, a massive drug addict, 0 education and he refused to get any (mind you this is in Europe where everything is free, so he could have had a place to stay as well as a degree, he just CHOSE not to)

Anyway, he bamboozled her into a relationship where she would become poly. I asked her about it, how come you did that? And why?

And she goes “oh no it’s really just so perfect!!” while I could see the pain in her eyes since her man was sleeping with other women.

Just pathetic honestly. Women need to do better than this shit.

spicyspa · 2021-04-13T12:30:22+00:00

I think this is a huge reason why you don't see a whole lot of polyandry. It's way too much work for women with no reward.

Salt_Satisfaction · 2021-04-13T13:48:40+00:00

[deleted]

shelballama · 2021-04-13T09:52:55+00:00

I've recognized the emotional and planning labor I've put into my friend group (and only the other woman and I have done so) and put a stop to that recently. I feel so free. One of the men who joins but does 0 as far as help (cleaning house of his own messes, cooking, meal prep, grocery shopping, dishes, sometimes not even letting me know he wasn't bothering coming even though it's in a group chat and I asked as a reminder for the final count of ppl who were coming) suggested my long-standing event at a certain time doesn't work for him anymore. Didn't suggest an alternate time, so I guess they expected for me to ask about it and rearrange according to my knowledge of everyone else's schedule. Nope. Responded that if they want to organize something when everyone is free, they are welcome to do so. I work OT regularly and lead a busy life outside of work, I don't need some messy PT scrub making my life harder with 0 value add. BYE

Novemberinthechair · 2021-04-13T10:19:12+00:00

Why?

favoritesound · 2021-04-13T14:55:35+00:00

Wondering if they’re faking their incompetence. Men have taught each other to pretend to be incompetent at household chores until their wife gets fed up, and takes over doing it. Leaving the man free of the responsibility or expectation to contribute.

_RustInPiece_ · 2021-04-13T19:05:55+00:00

When I lived in a polyamory construct I noticed that it's always the women who do the emotional labor of the group. But hey, you get male attention back. You'll never be alone again, because men see your relationship modell as an invitation for casual sex. Don't you dare to have standards. You are exhibiting controlling behavior, better reflect on your JeAlOuSy PrObLeM. Soon you'll find that your family is abusive and you should only rely on your so called "chosen family". Polyamory is a pickmeishas wet dream. Unfortunally the pickmeishas pick at each other.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-04-13T17:37:14+00:00

"I love them both but I don't like them very much right now"

This woman is just so fucking dumb. She really played herself here. Hope she enjoys being House Mom.

level_up_always · 2021-04-13T18:19:04+00:00

why would you live with two men living with one is already terrible enough smh

N2Gen · 2021-04-13T20:10:15+00:00

I saw that shit while scrolling a day or two ago, and just remembered the anti-poly post here from a year or so ago. For her sake I hope the dicks are good enough to makeup for all the added man babysitting on her itinerary.

KateJ1982 · 2021-04-13T21:11:21+00:00

vomit.

jasmine-blossom · 2021-04-13T17:36:34+00:00

I see a lot of people all over this thread shit talking polyamory as a relationship style. The reality is it’s not the type of relationship that’s the problem, it’s who is in the relationship.

Monogamous relationships have just as much likelihood of being abusive or otherwise patriarchal and unhealthy. If healthy people who care about equity and care about their partners are in a polyamorous relationship, it can be perfectly healthy. If you have unhealthy people trying to all have a relationship of some type together, regardless of what that relationship type is, it’s going to be unhealthy.

Abusive men use alternative lifestyles to abuse their partners just as often as abusive men use traditional lifestyles to abuse their partners.

Regardless of your relationship style, being able to identify and stay away from abusive men is of the upmost priority, and shouldn’t be seen as a side effect of the relationship style as much as it is a side effect from having an abusive partner.

the-worst- · 2021-04-14T18:36:31+00:00

As a mom of 2 toddlers and a manchild who is compitent at work but downright incapable in home... I feel this.

It's so frustrating when my husband cleans. He's SO FUCKING PICKY when i clean, but I always have to go back over stuff when he cleans. He doesn't realise the EDGES of a room need cleaning as well.

And that's if he ever cleans. It's been a month since he said he would do dishes and clean the toilet. Neither have been fully done. He half assed the toilet bowl 2 days ago (no other part of the toilet, just the inside of the bowl), and did one sinkful of dishes when there was like 5 sinkfuls to do (he also refuses to let me call the HA to get our dishwasher repaired, or to get a portable washer so i can do laundry without his help)...

I swear i could make my own life easier if I left him (or had him kicked for sexual assult, which I could do without lying), and started working. Within the first month I'd be able to have a working dishwasher, a portable washer/dryer, AND set up a way to easily get trash to the dumpster behind the apartments.

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