How do you deal with rejection?

partypancakesbacon · 2021-09-14T02:56:40+00:00

I’m turned off if they aren’t super into me. I don’t pine after anyone. So bring “rejected” is not on the table. They have to express a genuine level of interest, and be excited to spend time and get to know me. And vice versa. Their interest is a prerequisite.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-09-14T02:06:38+00:00

I'm with the other commenters.

He probably has low self esteem and wants to date someone less "intimidating" than you. I also guarantee you most men cannot tell apart a 25yo from 34yo visually if they both take care of themselves. 🙄 Don't let your insecurities dictate why the rejection happened.

electroloop · 2021-09-14T01:08:11+00:00

Why are you still hung up on a guy who’s dating someone 8 years younger than him? You’re reminiscing on a loser. Don’t feel bad you got rejected by him and stop letting him consume your thoughts.

Platipus6 · 2021-09-14T01:22:13+00:00

He realised you were too good for him. He found someone he doesn't have to put as much effort into keeping. Feel bad for her. She won't get the 100% she deserves. You wouldn't have either.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2021-09-14T01:40:38+00:00

I’m with electroloop, what a LOSER. You are only 34 and one measly year older than him. Don’t you dare think you’re all old and dried up; that’s ridiculous. He’s a loser who values his women being young, dumb and nice arm candy for other men to be jealous. He doesn’t enjoy amazing connections with women his age because he’s a huge, weak-minded loser.

Note: I don’t think the 25 year old is necessarily young and dumb but that’s clearly what HE values. A woman 8 years his junior easy to impress and manipulate. That’s why they chase 20-somethings.

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2021-09-14T01:16:52+00:00

I just think they have extremely bad taste and aren't the person I thought they were and move onwards and upwards. He sounds like a tosser.

DuchessDurag · 2021-09-14T02:31:35+00:00

The problem with a lot of men in their 30s , is that they feel they need to punish women for surpassing them in achievements. The need to date a younger woman with less life experience tells you all you need to know.

Don’t worry about your age keep in mind that women are always being approached and have a lot of options.

PenneyPence · 2021-09-14T02:07:38+00:00

Here is the harsh FDS truth: you were not rejected, because another person can never reject you. We aren’t goods on a shelf being examined by the FDA for approval or rejection. The LVM trash took itself out and you’re choosing to make it mean that something is wrong with you instead of seeing it as a blessing that you dodged an LVM bullet. He saw how great you were and immediately knew he couldn’t even come close to your level. This is why when you see men in age gap relationships, you know they don’t have the ability to relate to women their own age and are looking for someone to control and manipulate.

The real work for you is to focus on why it’s perfect that you are 34 and why a HVM would be excited to date someone his own age, maturity level, educational and career level. It’s not easy, but you will be less likely to attract men who confirm your current negative belief about your age (Google “confirmation bias”) once you accept that you are perfect where you are right now.

Love_Artemis · 2021-09-14T01:29:57+00:00

I'm a lot younger than you, but I wouldn't be concerned about a guy who didn't want to date me because of my age. Keep in mind, a man may claim to want someone younger because they want kids(even if he doesn't want any) but dating someone younger and less accomplished makes them feel more in control. They feel like they need this for their ego, or they'll feel even more inferior to other men.

It's better that he rejected you than try to string you along and keep you around while he seeks out women he actually wants.

As for getting over him, I read somewhere about doing oxytocin boosting activities to get over an attachment to a guy after sleeping with him and getting ghosted. Whether you slept with a guy or not it might help 😊

Things that boost oxytocin:

Hugging your friends/spending time with them
Yoga/exercise
Giving gifts
Helping other people
Preparing and sharing a meal with others
Listening to music
Spa/massages

Efflights6 · 2021-09-14T06:55:24+00:00

You dodge a bullet, that's how you should feel.

sassykat2581 · 2021-09-14T03:35:20+00:00

HVM won’t care what your age is and will love you for you. If the guy doesn’t like your age then that’s on him and his insecurities. He is not worth your time.

My fiancé is 36 and I’m 40 and age is never a factor in our relationship. For my birthday my fiancé treated 40 as an achievement and celebrated my strengths and accomplishments. Never did he make any “over the hill” jokes or old lady jokes.

cml678701 · 2021-09-14T10:51:36+00:00

He probably is not taking this new woman seriously, and he probably doesn’t treat her that great, either. I used to accept dates from guys in their thirties at that age, because oLdEr MeN aRe LoOkInG fOr SoMeThInG sErIoUs, and they never were. I thought I was following the advice, going out with guys who were ready to settle down while I still had time on my side, but I was always just an exciting adventure for them. They never had any good intentions with me, no matter how hot they thought I was.

Junior-Lion7893 · 2021-09-14T01:42:38+00:00

I just treat myself to nice things and pamper myself.

Know your worth and don’t settle. Know that you’re a great person and that he doesn’t see it. You have a lot to offer. The fact that he went for a younger version of you is because you had expectations that he couldn’t meet on a daily basis. The issue is with him and not you. Don’t sell yourself short.

mini_baguette · 2021-09-14T05:14:14+00:00

The first step is to not view it as a rejection per se. He doesn't know you, so how could he even 'reject' you. He chose an idea of another woman over the idea of you... which is essentially meaningless. If he didn't get with this woman now, you can bet he would've later. Or another one, since he seems to be targeting a specific demographic.

He is not in your life anymore, and that is your choice! You're not trying to 'win' him over still like a pickme, you know your worth and have gracefully moved past some creep that wants women barely out of college.

You know how many other guys that are wanting to be with you right now? Lots. He was not special.

musicalistic · 2021-09-14T01:54:40+00:00

You are not less worthy nor there's something wrong with you if a man chooses to pursue someone younger than you. I know, rejection sucks and it can hurt a lot.

Things that I want to tell you is if the man decides to pursue someone younger than you, it has nothing to do with you. It's because the man realized you are far above him, his ego cannot handle the truth that you cannot be controlled nor manipulated. You know things more.

I can also bet that he is using all the manipulation tactics that he knows so he can make that woman be interested with him. The relationship that is started from power and control won't be good.

Take back your heart and move on. You deserve someone better.

poppy03 · 2021-09-14T02:44:41+00:00

Just need to accept it. Rejection isn’t a reflection on you. It’s just redirection.

edwardianemerald · 2021-09-14T01:45:14+00:00

Sometimes you are so fixated on a closed door, you don't notice the windows that open up! He isn't worth this much time and energy, the universe has shown you that your energy should be focused elsewhere instead of on this guy who can ignore a great connection.

aquietsword · 2021-09-14T01:59:33+00:00

If that's the kind of guy he is, then whatever woman he ends up with is taking an L for the team. The only time I feel down about rejection is if I actually did something to cause it and then I work on that thing.

retrodarlingdays · 2021-09-14T05:35:30+00:00

Honestly, I guarantee that one day, you will look back on this and realize that he wasn’t really all that, and that you’re way out of his league actually. I know I have, every time, and you will too.

Kyliekimmy · 2021-09-14T09:14:00+00:00

Rejection is redirection and Gods protection might sound cliche but it really is...you dodged a bullet now

ALysistrataType · 2021-09-14T01:46:53+00:00

What you're doing is typical but incredibly harmful to your self esteem and psyche. First things first, you need to unfriend and block him on every platform including your contacts list. You don't need to see what he's doing. He's very clearly made his choice. He literally "Younger modeled" you. Trust me. Long term you don't want a man like that because he's always going to be open and looking for something younger. C'mon now.

It sucks that it didn't work out between you two but giving him any energy or thought is not the way to deal with his rejection. The only way to deal is to give it time. A year from now you probably won't even remember this guy unless someone mentions him or you run into him somewhere.

warinmymind94 · 2021-09-14T19:13:00+00:00

He is going after a woman that's several years younger because that's the LVM tactic - they want younger women that are less aware of redpill/LV tactics. He thinks she will be easier to use for sex and is hoping she is enough of a cool girl to let his clown ways and low effort slide.

He saw you were a secure, leveled up queen. You are doing FDS correctly because you repelled him, that chemistry you felt you had with him was just him being smooth and knowing how to pretend at first. I get that I would fall for it too! That's why we vet. It is hard to see the mask slip after feeling that connection at first

For me, I imagine them bread crumbing me, forgetting my birthday and not celebrating it, I imagine bad sex where hes selfish, I imagine the gas lighting. I picture a huge lvm and get really turned off then and it stops my feelings if I have any left. Then I play Lizzo or my favorite "baddie" type of songs like "circles" by megan thee stallion. And viola, any feels or rejection are gone.

Rachel_92x · 2021-09-14T01:12:16+00:00

Take it day by day. Maybe he’s not at the point in his life where he wants to settle down with someone as successful as yourself. Maybe he’s intimidated by that, who knows. It doesn’t sound like he’s worth your time though. Take the rejection day by day and heal yourself. There’s someone who’s a better fit for you out there.

Prestigious_Math9160 · 2021-09-14T03:38:39+00:00

Just here to say sometimes it’s ok to stereotype men in certain professions. There’s a reason why there’s a lot of abusive and dickish cops for example, the profession has a specific culture that appeals to abusive and dickish men, so you’re not necessarily wrong for being on-guard about that

Break_The_Spell · 2021-09-14T12:27:18+00:00

Men who target significantly younger women to date are low value. He is not looking for an equal partner but someone he could mold and manipulate. When I was 25, I was repulsed by any guy over 30 trying to hit on me because they were either very predatory or completely pathetic. Trust me, you dodged a bullet and he is not worth a single tear.

SlayOfSunshine · 2021-09-14T03:24:12+00:00

I try my damndest not to take it personally. I know for me, I’m insecure about my body and I will interpret a lot of rejection based on that. Maybe it wasn’t your age? I made a post about this back in the day.

It also helps me to remember if a guy doesn’t like me than we really have nothing in common. Cuz I’m great. And I’m so loved. But I feel this most in hindsight. Time will help, promise ❤️.

And never follow their social media!! Lol

CountingDownTheDays5 · 2021-09-14T02:08:51+00:00

I'm okay with it. I realize that in life I may not be his type, as some men aren't my type even with their HV status. Rejection is perfectly fine. I tell people here often not everyone HVM is going to be your HVM and everyone HVW will be his HVW. I don't think rejection means he is LV automatically, it couldn't simply mean he knows you aren't compatible. In the course of my life I have rejected HVM. Most recently a guy who was HV but he stated he wanted to be childfree, disappointing but doesn't lower his status.

However in your case him dating someone almost 10 year his junior shows he was LV, and you dodge a bullet.

melimiel · 2021-09-14T06:29:56+00:00

Girl, we have all been there. Being an accomplished woman you probably have a vision in your mind of what kind of partner you want and you don’t like to fail.

But like everyone has said on here, it’s not about you. He is not your failure. You focusing on how you much you had in common shows that maybe he fit that person you imagined you would be with. Maybe he seemed like the perfect fit into your life. But you need to take some time to reflect now all the ways he was not the right fit for you. Number one being that he didn’t want to be with YOU. Focus on the negatives about him and not the fantasy you built of him in your mind. With time, the ways he was wrong for you will appear and use those as lessons for your next relationship.

Then like others have suggested take some time for yourself. Think to yourself, “would I want to be in a relationship with me?” It sounds like the answer is yes. And if not, or if you begin to even ask yourself what’s wrong with you then that’s a sign that you need to give yourself more love.

excusemeILY · 2021-09-14T10:40:59+00:00

You weren’t hurt by his rejection, in my opinion. His action just triggered your insecurity. What if he had rejected you because you had different views on children or maybe he wanted to move or you had different political views? What hurt you is your perception that his actions said “she’s a good person but too old to romance up”.

If that’s the case, you can work on this with your therapist or in journaling self reflexion. By the way, 34 is still young.

Edit: I recommend you read that book on limerence that wad recently posted on the sub

Trickle92 · 2021-09-15T06:47:19+00:00

I find men who don’t like me unattractive. Even if they are good looking. I’m attracted to masculine men, so if a guy doesn’t express proper interest by initiating contact and setting up dates, I immediately start to lose interest. The energy is off. So them finding me attractive is a prerequisite to me finding them attractive. If a guy hesitates or isn’t into me, that’s a turn off for me.

Technusgirl · 2021-09-14T03:25:02+00:00

Idk, it's a part of life, try not to take it personal and move on to someone who will love you the way you are. I remember I liked this guy a work one time and asked him out, he turned me down and later I realized he was into super skinny girls, like anorexic looking girls. I don't think I would want to be with someone who finds that attractive because it's just not healthy. He ended up marrying a super skinny girl, but she died a few years later, turns out she was really skinny from cancer. They had a kid together and now he's a single father.

I guess my point is, don't worry about it or something.

FI-REfox · 2021-09-14T05:03:18+00:00

My LVX was a Rosetta stone of LV behaviour. Think about all these things that keep coming up about LVM manipulation: baby-trapping, using hookups as assisted-masturbatory tools, wanting pictures of me for the sole purpose of showing them off to his friends -- these are things that my ex OPENLY ADMITTED to me as if there was nothing wrong with them. He wasn't even trying to hide it!

He ALSO told me that he specifically wanted a woman who was 5+ years younger than him because he felt like he had not accomplished enough in his life and needed someone who would be on his level so he wouldn't feel bad about himself. This is exactly what that scrote was doing to you, OP. The only way his behaviour connects to you is that he is admitting that you make him feel bad about himself because he realized that you are better than him. You have nothing to feel badly about.

I think the person we should feel badly for in this scenario is this pickme who is wasting her 20s having sex with an insecure, flaccid 35 year old scrote when she could be with some fine rock-hard 25 year old.

detikripur · 2021-09-14T15:12:55+00:00

Only time will make this go away. It hurts but it’s life. Stop thinking about him and stop following his social media. I tell people that whatever I post on social is for the enemies so they can seethe in envy, my friends know what my real life is really like lol. Not everything is like it looks OP. Look further.

ready2leav · 2021-09-14T15:39:52+00:00

Practice sis. Keep doing it over and over and over again until you care less each time. Like exposure therapy. Know that you are inherently not for everyone. I used to be so scared of public speaking and talking to strangers and just kept doing it until it didn’t phase me. That’s it.

Oh and come on here every day and remind yourself why men ain’t shit compared to women ❤️❤️❤️

lolmemberberries · 2021-09-14T22:58:23+00:00

We're only human and rejection does bruise the ego. What I found helpful is to remind myself that rejection is only about the other person and not at all a reflection of my value as a person.

Optimal_Grapefruit_5 · 2021-09-14T23:07:02+00:00

My response is going to be underwhelming because I've grown hyposensitive to rejection of any kind from a very young age.
I don't expect to be universally liked, for the simple reason I can't say I like (or click with) everyone and anyone. When someone prefers someone else over me, it's not so different from when I prefer someone else over another person. If you're not for them, they're not for you. Also sometimes people who reject you are really doing you a favor; that man certainly is.

CakeSprinklesUnicorn · 2021-09-15T15:50:28+00:00

Honestly, I’d consider it a badge of honor that he chose to pursue the 25-year-old because what it really looks like to me is that this guy was looking for someone that he could easily manipulate and control. He saw that you are accomplished and have a lot of life experience, so you would be harder to control and manipulate in the long run. He wants someone who will fawn over him, make him feel like he has complete control, and has little to no boundaries so he can consume and then discard her when he longer feels like she has no more use to him. He essentially wants her to turn into his doormat until he’s bored. Then he’ll move on to the next younger thing.

These type of men don’t change (always looking for the next best/newest thing) and treat women like disposable car models. Be glad honestly that you dodged a mental health bullet. He thought you would be too savvy to psychologically manipulate.

cynthiaat92 · 2021-09-14T04:16:11+00:00

It's a lot easier when they're this low value.

xfelugirlx · 2021-09-14T14:51:13+00:00

Is human, the thing is to accept and don’t push yourself to fit a man standars

thediverswife · 2021-09-15T20:46:19+00:00

She’s the non threatening version of you who is easier to control. That’s it in a nutshell

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Title	How do you deal with rejection?
Author	LiebeCM
Upvotes	198
Comments	79
Date	September 14, 2021 1:03 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pnske4/how_do_you_deal_with_rejection/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-you-deal-with-rejection.1070553 https://theredarchive.com/post/1070553

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