Let’s talk safety tips all women should know (even the obvious ones)

queen_azulaa · 2022-01-31T21:42:36+00:00

Google your name everyonce in a while. I just got rid of my records on a people search website with full address and phone number and all the people who have lived in my address. Its so creepy and upsetting that the government can just hand out this info because you decided to vote.

Also google voice? can give you a second phone number that you can give to strangers.

dating-adventures · 2022-01-31T21:47:49+00:00

Never put down your employer or school name on a dating app. You’d be surprised by what people can find out googling just your first name + employer and/or school.

whiskey_and_oreos · 2022-01-31T21:56:29+00:00

Trust your gut above all else. Your subconscious is constantly scanning your environment and piecing things together that your conscious mind doesn't notice but your body will always let you know. If it feels wrong it is wrong.

And if you're out of touch with your intuition for whatever reason, get into therapy, somatic body work, meditation, whatever it takes to reconnect with yourself.

melympia · 2022-01-31T22:08:15+00:00

Don't get inebriated. Not with booze, not with pot, not with anything else. It will not only cloud your judgement, but also dull your instincts and reflexes.

Learn some self-defense. It'll help with your self-esteem and your posture. You won't look like an easy target any more. Also, don't hesitate to hit hard if necessary - or where it hurts. (No, not there. Every guy expects to be hit there. But a high heel sliding down a shin, only to not-so-gently probe the foot hurts. Finger in eye hurts - kudos if you cause some bleeding, because blood in your eyes burns. Ears are supposedly easy to rip off, too. And noses - they hurt. And will cause the eyes to water so badly that it's impossible to see clearly for a while.

Be aware of what's going on in your surroundings - especially if you're out alone after dark. Know your area - shortcuts and semi-secret passages in urban areas allow you to quickly disappear - or double back and go in a different direction.

Wear clothes that aren't too easy to remove (mini skirts...), but will allow you to run and fight if you have to.

If you can, invite two female non-pickme friends to join your location at a different table. There's safety in numbers. Even if you have to pay for their meal - do it. Everything from years-long therapy to a funeral is more expensive than that.

bepbep747 · 2022-01-31T23:03:45+00:00

FUCK POLITENESS. If you get a bad vibe do not ever be afraid of offending the guy by cutting off a date early. I'm not saying to deliberately provoke men but when they are making you uncomfortable do not try to soothe their ego by staying. Even if they haven't done anything yet you can put your finger on just trust your intuition if you get a bad feeling and make a quick exit. I follow a lot of true crime and sadly many victims wind up in dangerous situations because they didn't want to be rude.

otter_bott · 2022-01-31T22:17:34+00:00

General tips:

Don’t make it obvious to anyone that you live alone.

Don’t post anything personal on social media and dear god don’t post sexy pics / thirst traps (it’s just a magnet for the wrong attention).

Think about the digital trail you’ve left, everywhere.

Never use OLD lol.

Take a self defense course.

Be strategic about how you dress and move about the world. I find it easier to avoid clowns if I don’t draw attention to myself. I also need to be able to run in any shoes I wear if I’m going out alone. I laughed at my friend’s mom for this one back in the day but she was right.

Be strategic about what you divulge to men and when. Information is power.

Always check up on men you’re seeing. Check them on everything. Believe nothing at face value. This is not being nosy. This is protecting yourself.

Read “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin De Becker and some books on body language and profiling.

Never let a man you just met know where you live, work, or give him your phone #.

Don’t drink or do drugs with a man you don’t know very well. I’d say don’t do it period (I got a lot of clarity around dating when I got sober…)

Never get in a car with a man you don’t know very well, or one who is abusive / unstable.

When your instincts say no, listen and act.

candyfox84 · 2022-01-31T21:44:06+00:00

Park in a safe, busy, well lit place. I once went on a first date to a very popular restaurant. Yet the parking lot was so large I had to park around a loop about 2 blocks away, it was still the restaurant's parking lot but it was dark, and sandwiched between large shrubs and dumpsters. When my date (whom I knew fairly well) walked me back to my car, he could easily have taken advantage of that situation. It's not a situation I would want to be in with a stranger. Even though most halfway decent guys will offer to walk you to your car, don't be afraid to say no if you don't know the man extremely well.

sosabear · 2022-01-31T22:20:18+00:00

Don't walk alone at night with your hair in a ponytail, it's easier to grab and control your movements than loose hair. Take your hair down for your walk to your car/house/ etc. Walk with purpose, do not take out your phone or cash if possible when you are alone at night.

Put a single headphone in but do not play music. Men who catcall will not get offended when you don't reply bc they'll think you didn't hear them. It takes the energy down a few notches by drunk angry men looking for a fight if they think you didn't hear them vs being ignored.

Carry pepper spray and don't be afraid to use it. Go to a safe isolated area (during the day) and test out spraying it, quickly moving the safety catch off etc. (make sure the wind is not blowing it towards you!). If a guy is following you, being sketchy while your alone, don't be afraid to assertively take the pepper spray out, brandish it and say loudly and forcefully "leave me alone". Better to be called a bitch than to get murdered or raped.

Mentally prepare yourself to protect yourself. Plan out mentally your boundaries and your plan for escalating a situation to violence to protect yourself and how exactly you will defend yourself. For example - my go-to plan should someone continue advancing after a warning is to pepper spray, hit the nose with the palm of my hand, and if possible, kick them in the head and neck until completely incapacitated. This will help you not be paralyzed when you're actually in a situation because you have mentally prepared yourself.

Get used to lying to strangers - do not give out personal information regarding where you work, where you live, where you hang out. Have answers prepared so you can have a normal conversation with someone without giving out these details. For example, say you live in a neighborhood a couple neighborhoods away, etc. Always say you are meeting a girlfriend later in the evening / have a roommate / etc to imply that someone will notice if you're gone. Any man who gets to know you well enough to know these are lies who gets offended or upset at the lies, dump immediately. Do not date men who do not understand the dangers of being a woman alone.

If you think you're being followed (by car or on foot) make a series of right turns (on main, busy streets) to confirm. Do NOT go home or to a friend's house, go to a well lit public place with people in it.

Trust your gut. Read "The Gift of Fear". Your body knows when something is wrong before your frontal cortex does. No one has the right to touch your body without your permission. Stand your ground. Be assertive about your boundaries. Show you will not be an easy victim.

vitryolic · 2022-01-31T22:23:01+00:00

I live in an area where guns, knives and pepper spray are illegal, but carry a large bottle opener in my purse (Google bar blade), I once used that to hit a mugger on the head to get away (sharp tap to the head disorients them since it’s steel), so I keep that with me now. If anyone asks about it say you work in hospitality.

Determinedblonde · 2022-01-31T22:33:57+00:00

I don’t trust Uber drivers. I share my trip with others who will watch it and I also always sit in the back seat.

butterscotch17 · 2022-02-01T00:25:29+00:00

I think it's a good idea to ALWAYS carry a rubber doorstopper especially if you're traveling alone as a woman, hotel receptionists could give out spare keys to rooms to a dangerous man posing as your husband. Maybe I'm just overly paranoid 🤷🏻‍♀️

Apprehensive_Ad_7917 · 2022-01-31T21:46:05+00:00

Do not give out your phone number until you’re ready for your date to know your full name and personal information. I’m a programmer and I can get almost any piece of info I want if I have a phone number, plenty of men can do the same.

HotConsideration3034 · 2022-01-31T23:28:18+00:00

Don’t drink alcohol if you’re serious about finding a serious man. I picked losers all my 20’s and early 30’s and realized I was the problem bc I was drinking a lot and turning a blind eye to a ton of red flags. They call them beer goggles for a reason and I didn’t realize how badly this affected my “picker” when it came to choosing men.

Platipus6 · 2022-01-31T21:55:16+00:00

Don't 👏 drink 👏 alcohol.

Even telling a man you don't drink alcohol before you meet will weed out alcoholics, low confidence losers who need to get buzzed to talk to women, and LVM who need to get you drunk so they can molest you. They know you wouldn't agree to things while sober. They know it's harder for you to defend yourself. Or they straight up want you blacked out. They want to lower your inhibitions. They want to incapacitate you. They intend to rape you.

Even saying the words "I don't drink alcohol:)" will weed out the coercers, boundary pushers, whiners and men who can't plan a nice date at a sit-down restaurant instead.

Any kind of pushback or further probing and wheedling is a block and delete.

I've had a guy flip my wine glass back over and start pouring. Sucks to be him, I got up and left. I've had a guy bring back an orange juice with vodka in it. I took one sip and left. One brought me a coke and something gross. I took a sip, put it down, and we played the game of looking at the glass and looking up at each other for 3 minutes. Then my uber arrived and I left. I used to sit through their whole coercive script of why not, just one, try this one, oh, I bought a whole bottle :( maybe you haven't found one you like, I'll look after you if you get drunk haha, oh I thought you'd want a drink haha, red wine is good for you, is it a family thing, are you in recovery, tell me the whole backstory with peer-reviewed sources for why you don't drink before I'll accept it and drop it.

Anything other than nodding and getting me a juice or water and I'm out.

materialpleasures · 2022-01-31T23:39:39+00:00

Be very cautious about who you share your full name with - especially if it's an unusual name or spelling. Go by a nickname or first + middle.

Beware what information seemingly innocuous images may contain (eg. phone number on a dog name tag, airline/travel ticket...)

Your work colleagues should be vetted the same way potential partners are. Do not blindly trust women in the workplace either, they may unknowingly share key information about you to predators in your workplace (eg. relationship status, whether you live alone etc.)

eva9777 · 2022-01-31T21:38:07+00:00

When walking alone at night, do not wear a ponytail. I read an article that interviewed rapists a while ago and they said a ponytail was one of the first things they looked for because it’s easy to grab

fearlesslyfrugal · 2022-01-31T23:03:46+00:00

Rape is more likely to take place from someone you know, work with or even are friends with. Be very mindful of who you go anywhere alone with.

For any corporate road warriors- I started off working in sales in a male-dominated industry as an intern. COVID has been a great excuse to say no, but often male coworkers would offer to let me ride in the car with them to save gas etc. You are stuck at that point. Don’t do it if you don’t have to or if you do, call another coworker you both know on the way to catch up on business. If meetings don’t have to take place behind closed doors (which they rarely do anymore), don’t close the door. See if another coworker of theirs could join to take meeting minutes. Suggest walking meetings. Meet at restaurants but avoid one-on-ones. I’m pretty modern but it will save you the awkward assumptions of you being on a date. Have a separate work phone number from your personal - this prevents coworkers from finding your Snapchat, Facebook, and online dating profiles. Use location sharing on solo business trips.

xxxnja · 2022-01-31T22:55:39+00:00

Lock your front door and your car door as soon as you get in.

LindaBitz · 2022-02-01T00:46:27+00:00

Read the book “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker. It speaks to all of the ways that people, especially women, try to be polite to their own detriment. A deer wouldn’t question its instincts if it felt a gut feeling of fear. Women shouldn’t either.

Mcccy · 2022-02-01T01:21:47+00:00

Listen to your gut feeling.

Don't give out your number right and left. Don't be scared to sound rude say no or "Its my work phone sorry"

If you have to wear earphones get Bluetooth ones where you can't see the cable (kidnappers often search for people with earphones that won't hear them BUT of course if you're out at night avoid earphones all together and be 100% alert of your surroundings)

If you leave men shoes outside your door so it looks like a man is staying with you, buy 2-3 more pairs to switch occasionally cause many thieves know that trick already.

If pepper spray is illegal where you're at find an alternative like bug spray, or hairspray, or even a DIY hot pepper water.

lvrcalii · 2022-02-01T01:48:06+00:00

LIFT WEIGHTS. Self defense classes are great, but weight lifting is very cheap, easily accessible and truly, TRULY makes you feel, stand and walk differently. I am 5'4" and 115 pounds and I can pretty easily disloge a person twice my size. FYI, my regime is about 30 minutes, 3 or 4 days a week. ❤

GPXPMPHP · 2022-01-31T21:36:28+00:00

Always have a first meeting in daylight, someplace where you're in public. Favor busy locations over less busy ones.

Give out a Google voice number instead of using your real number.

Make sure he doesn't follow you home. If you can, avoid letting him see your car at all.

Carry some form of self defense, whether that's pepper spray, a loud alarm, or a weapon. Make sure you know how to use it.

Keep an eye on your drink, and consider sticking to non alcoholic drinks so you stay alert.

Always, always find something small you can say no to early on, to see how he deals with your refusal.

readthinksurvive · 2022-01-31T23:03:53+00:00

take a picture of their driver's plate

HolyIsTheLord · 2022-02-01T06:29:09+00:00

Be a BITCH. You don't owe being nice to anyone. Adam Walsh's father, the little boy who went missing in the '80s who started off the whole stranger danger scare, said he regretted raising his son to be too nice.

Go crazy. Don't look vulnerable. Be aware of your surroundings. Make eye contact. Let other people know you're not the one they want to fuck with.

When I was younger, everyone told me I reminded them of a deer in the headlights. Big, innocent brown eyes and just a very sweet spirit about me. I got ran through the ringer, and realized what vibe I was giving off to the world.

Show everyone that you're not around to play with this shit, and you will get left alone.

LeastInjury8081 · 2022-01-31T21:46:30+00:00

Don’t use OLD

Spittens · 2022-01-31T21:56:55+00:00

Never tell a man the details of where you live or work. Do not allow them to pick you up or take you home. NEVER go to his house or a hotel.

Do not let him take you to a second location that was not agreed upon beforehand. No spontaneous changes to the date itinerary, it makes it harder to track you down if you disappear.

Don't use a fingerprint unlock feature on your phone, set a pattern instead. That way it can't be unlocked while you're asleep/unconscious and used to track your location (There are apps for this that can be downloaded).

Check your pockets/purse/hood for airtags before you leave the area.

Don't wear heels or clothes you can't move quickly in (I.E. run).

Never leave your drink unattended (or uncovered in crowded spaces). Don't accept a drink (alcoholic or otherwise) directly from a man that isn't employed there (big chance he doctored it).

If you drive yourself to dates, drive something nondescript. Use your key to unlock only your driver's side door, do not hit the 'unlock all' button on your clicker (I've had men follow me and try to get into my car after I told them no).

If you carry some sort of weapon (like pepper spray or a knife) have training on how to use it.

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2022-01-31T21:49:36+00:00

Don't leave your drink or food unattended.

Make sure the restaurant he chooses is in your area so it's familiar to you and you know where to park and walk to it safely. Obviously, don't let him know it's your area.

Don't go to his place or have him at yours. I've seen this mentioned quite a few times in posts. Not only is it dangerous but FDS says no sex without committing. He one hundred percent expects sex if you're going to each other's homes.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2022-01-31T23:29:23+00:00

Meet him at a well lit, busy location. I would never let a man pick me up at home (thereby letting him know where I live) unless I already knew him well via a social group.

Mlm525k · 2022-01-31T23:28:00+00:00

Have someone call u on the date to check in. Be aware of your surroundings.Never go alone to an isolated place. If the guy is pushing booze or drugs then that's a red flag to end date.

Also, I would just use a nickname rather than first name on the first few dates.

warinmymind94 · 2022-02-01T02:53:22+00:00

Love this post!

Give the general field you work in. If you're a kindergarten teacher just say "I work in education" if you're a pediatric nurse just say "I work in healthcare" if he presses don't give more info. Don't say what company/location you work for.

Don't mention what actual town or neighborhoods you live in. Maybe you live 35 minutes outside of Portland- so just say "I'm in the Portland area"

Google him before going on a date. Should be part of vetting. Look for his social media's as well. If they're public look through it, quick way to spot red flags!

Do NOT give him your actual phone number until you're established. Use a free texting app or if you're on OLD then message through the app. Men with snapchat are red flags.

Don't tell him what you drive.

If you have a place you frequent, like maybe you hut the gym every night at 7, maybe you and your friends meetup every Saturday at the same bar... don't disclose this info! Be careful not to let it slip! If hes a stalker or goes psycho he does not need to know where to find you.

Get a ring doorbell or some type of security camera for your home. You can also consider making it less obvious by putting the camera in a yard decoration or a big wreath. My landlord doesn't allow cameras... well guess what... I put one up and it's hidden in a decoration!

Other general safety tip: never answer the door. Tell your landlord, friends, and fam to text or call when they are on their way. You can setup informed delivery /texts with USPS or when you make online orders about when the package will be coming. Do NOT answer the door unless YOU KNOW it's someone you know coming over. I had a fake cop show up up to the door.

Edit: added the text that didn't get posted originally.

Noemie_Mathilde · 2022-02-01T11:23:15+00:00

Oh if someone threatens you (e.g. with a weapon, or violence) and tells you not to scream and "everything will be ok, don't scream".....scream. and if you can run, run---preferably in a zig zag. While screaming loudly. Anyone who threatens your safety will not blink at killing or harming you....they simply mean to do it later. You have a higher chance of survival if you run and scream at the first sign of a threat. Your greatest weapon is DISTANCE between you and the perpetrator.

Noemie_Mathilde · 2022-02-01T11:16:22+00:00

If a man stops you (a lone female) and asks for directions (or anything, a lost pet, some bs) suddenly become a deaf jogger and run in the opposite direction. Particularly if he's in a car.

Dumb_Velvet · 2022-02-01T11:24:58+00:00

I saw the title, clicked save before even reading, read through and was impressed with lots of useful new advice. This sub never disappoints.

MissSommer · 2022-02-01T11:31:10+00:00

Hey I got one! Actually I posted it on LPT but it was taken down, apparently it wasn't a safety tip, I was "instructing people to attack others" or some bullshit.

Carry a spray can with you always!

Spray paint is good but a deodorant will do. This is for the ladies in countries where you cant carry pepper spray or bear mace. Have a spray can in a pocket or in an easy acess place of your purse and go straight for the eyes if things so sour. It gives you time to run away.

katiekat0214 · 2022-02-01T11:52:16+00:00

I've mentioned before about answering questions without really answering in depth. Let me explain that a little more here. In no particular order:

-- I've had guys in chat/OLD ask me where I work. I always said I teach (grade level) and English. I have had a few that actually asked which school, and I've pushed back and said I'm not going to tell you that; I don't want to be stalked. Assertiveness matters, and from that moment on, I knew we were not going to meet. I let that conversation end naturally, then ghosted from then on.

-- I've had men ask so many times where I live; I say my state, maybe also the overall geographic region (north, south, central, east, west, for example), but never any more detail than that.

-- I'm always vague about what type of job I do. Saying I'm an English teacher is untraceable and unstalkable.

-- I have firm, definite, precise opinions on certain topics for conversation, but never anything that can be traced to me specifically. I won't tell them what charities I support, or just anything that can be traced back to me specifically. Yes, I have an Amazon wish list, for example; no you cannot have the link.

HotConsideration3034 · 2022-01-31T23:02:32+00:00

I always used a google phone number until I trust someone.

bksi · 2022-01-31T22:25:49+00:00

Take a self-defense class. Doesn't need to be some black belt karate thing, just basic self-defense. It will give you confidence.

Something I learned, for example: If you're a runner, tie your long hair up. Don't run with a pony tail - predators will grab your hair and use it to pull you down.

Title	Let’s talk safety tips all women should know (even the obvious ones)
Author	PossibleCook
Upvotes	540
Comments	97
Date	January 31, 2022 9:25 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/shcofw/lets_talk_safety_tips_all_women_should_know_even/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/lets-talk-safety-tips-all-women-should-know-even.1098628 https://theredarchive.com/post/1098628

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