A Hypothetical Match.com profile: Is she asking for "too much?"

ArthurMacArthur · 2016-10-24T16:54:51+00:00

I am biased, but I have a real problem with a woman mandating some sort of minimum income. There is a difference between wanting a grown adult who can support himself, and mandating that a guy be able to support you in the style to which you wish to become accustomed. If it's that important to her to have a HHI of $150K or whatever, then she can get off her ass and start making money herself.

That right there would disqualify her for me, if I were a guy. But I'm not, so what the fuck do I know.

shoup88 · 2016-10-24T17:12:44+00:00

I mean, $100k seems really high to me, but maybe that's more realistic in her region. Photos matter too - what does curvy and works out 5 times a week/eats well actually look like?

Ultimately, it doesn't really matter. People will either respond to her profile or they won't. If she decides no one is up to snuff, she's the only one who's going to suffer for it.

mrcs84usn · 2016-10-24T17:05:10+00:00

Body: Curvy

and

Exercise 5 or more times per week

I call bullshit. "Exercise" translates to all the walking and standing they do at work. I believe that as much as I believe that Kelli-Jean Drinkwater swims "2.5 kilometers a day."

as far as these hypothetical standards, I think some of these things are arbitrarily concise. Would she fidget for a man that made 80k, or was a brunette, or was 26?

Also, if she finds a man that fits all her criteria, what makes her so sure that she is worth his time?

GaiusScaevolus · 2016-10-24T17:24:20+00:00

If a reasonably attractive woman can't find a man in a large urban city without going online, she probably needs to adjust her standards.

I'm going to assume this is a rare honest profile and that her idea of 'curvy' is more Kat Dennings/ Christina Hendricks, and not Rebel Wilson/ Melissa McCarthy, thus sparing us all my tirade on how fat girls have ruined the term curvy for everyone.

To me, the brutal honesty here comes off as entitlement. Obviously we all want our S/O to be hot and rich, but outright pre disqualifying those who are not violates the common social etiquette a bit where we all pretend its "whats on the inside that counts".

In my experience, women who puncture that nicety still expect men to uphold it. So they believe they are entitled to drop there role in the dance, but still have men stick to the script.

UA_Hammer · 2016-10-24T17:16:07+00:00

Curvy

I live a healthy lifestyle, exercise 5x a week

Lol

gavinok · 2016-10-24T17:15:17+00:00

If curvy mean big ass small waist no, it's not too high.

diFFzee · 2016-10-24T17:56:43+00:00

Curvy could mean hourglass, but it could also mean fat. Without pictures, can't judge. Hourglass looking for a fit/athletic dude is not absurd, fat looking for a fit/athletic dude is punching above her weight.

Income depends on her income. I 'm generally ok with girls looking for a guy making girl's income to girl's income + 20%. But if she's a $30k/year barrista looking for a dude making 3-4x what she's making then she's what's known as a golddigger.

So in short, needs more context. But either way, match.com is for people that fail at tinder/bumble so ... standards can't really be all that high.

SirNemesis · 2016-10-24T17:38:21+00:00

Body: Curvy

This is code for fat.

GridReXX · 2016-10-24T18:04:00+00:00

Not really.

What does curvy mean?

Is she built like Amber Rose or Mindy Kaling?

Because Amber looks way better naked than Mindy or Amy Schumer I imagine.

If she's built like Amber then she can ask for whatever she wants because that type of curvy is desirable to a host of men.

If she's built like Mindy then she's asking for too much by wanting "Athletic"

EliteSpartanRanger · 2016-10-24T19:03:52+00:00

Asking too much? No. She can ask anything she wants. It doesnt hurt. What's the worst that can happen? She gets no messages from men that fit the description. Maybe a hate message or two from men who don't.

It will negatively affect the self esteem of men who are interested but realize that they dont match her ideal. But in the world of dating we cant give attention to everyone who wants it.

I think men who are interested in her should try messaging her anyway. What's the worst that can happen? She say no? Call them a loser? Eh.

Pretty much for both sexes, go for what you want and dont feel bad about it.

anitapk · 2016-10-24T17:02:33+00:00

Depends on how she is using the word curvy. A truly curvy body is roughly equivalent to an athletic male body. A fat body is not.

She is about average height and is seeking a man of about average height. Men are about 5-6 inches taller than women on average, so this is a pretty common standard.

If she lives in a major city on either coast, and is of comparable status, then 100k isn't out of question either, although it's probably disadvantageous list this as a requirement so openly. If she were smart she'd be more strategic.

Ultimately, her request for a man with blond hair could be the least likely thing, since this is relatively rare even among Caucasians. Furthermore, the mousy ashy brown women describe as blonde (But I was blond as a kid!) men will usually describe for themselves as brown, meaning VERY few men will describe themselves as blond.

super-commenting · 2016-10-24T17:13:03+00:00

It's hard to say how reasonable she's being without knowing what she looks like. A few lines from her profile don't really give an indication of her SMV.

I will say that listing a min salary makes her look like a whore. Even guys who meet that standard are gonna be turned off.

EliteSpartanRanger · 2016-10-24T18:42:56+00:00

Is she complaining that she can't find someone? Then yes, she's being unreasonable.

Is she happily single until she finds someone who fits her standards? Then she has every right to have her expectations.

Did she find someone who fit those standard? Good for her, other people shouldn't really be commenting on whether it's deserved or not regardless.

This is the same for guys who only want to date models. They have every right to only want to date models but if they go to the internet to complain about how it's unfair models don't want to date them we're going to say they're unreasonable.

caesarfecit · 2016-10-24T19:36:31+00:00

In a word, yes.

She wants a ripped, blonde, tallish, high income guy, in his 30s
She is "curvy", pushing 30, of undetermined social income status, but likely lesser.

On the surface, this doesn't appear like too much of a mismatch. Reading between the lines, she's a 6 or a 7, looking for a guy who's probably an 8 or higher. She's got a boxer's chance of getting date/getting into bed with this guy, but beyond that, her odds drop significantly.

And women wonder why these sorts of guys don't stick around - why should they? The SMV disparity means she pretty much has to be wife material for this hypothetical guy for a relationship to get off the ground. However, most guys don't know whether a girl is wife material until they're a year or two in, so banking on that before the fact is literally a sucker's bet.

Were this a guy, I'd say he's setting himself up to fail. That's the problem with female hypergamy - it makes women believe they can and should marry their Prince Charming despite the fact, that the odds are not in their favor. It's practically asking to be taken advantage of. In economics, its called moral hazard.

The irony of it, is that it doesn't have to be this way. Female hypergamy is emotional, not rational, but it is a fact of life. Women are not going to be happy unless they feel like the guy they're with is "a catch" and is better for them than taking their chances being single or trying to cheat. The opportunity cost for women in a relationship is much higher than it is for men, due to the biological clock. The solution to it is women getting realistic and men stepping up their game. Problem is, men are not going to step up their game when you have feminists running around demonizing male sexuality and "toxic masculinity". They're either gonna Chad it up if they can, or drop out of the SMP.

TL;DR: Modern feminists create the very problem they complain about. Unlike economic marketplaces, when the sexual marketplace has a power imbalance, actually it hurts both parties.

Fra_Mauro · 2016-10-24T20:33:07+00:00

There's no such thing as "too much." She can ask for whatever she wants, and if she can get it, more power to her. But... is it realistic? I suspect not. She's not old, but she's not young either. Even if by curvy she means actually curvy and not fat, that's not the most popular shape. Unless she has great facial beauty, physically she's nothing special. Guys that earn 100k, at least 5'10, athletic, blonde, and 28-38? Really damn rare, and most of them know their value. She'll have to bring quite a bit of good personality traits to the table, and that's hard to show on online dating profiles.

And the thing about these requirements: even a short list like that can rapidly exclude so much of the population that it's hard to find someone. As an extreme, if she wanted a man who had played for the Houston Rockets, and is Chinese, she'd have to marry Yao Ming. And he's married already, so that could be a problem. The shorter the list, the more likely you'll find someone who meets all criteria. (Remember kids: there's a difference between wants and needs.)

A final problem is if this list is visible to men reading her profile. When I was doing online dating, if I saw a woman have strict criteria, that was a big turn off, even if I passed those points. Caucasian only? I'm white, but when I saw that, next! Social graces matter to me. Any income listed? Next, no gold diggers please. Is her acceptable age range less than 7 years? She's not open enough, next! Long lists are a red flag, makes her come off as narcissistic.

SmeggingRight · 2016-10-24T21:20:40+00:00

Hate to point out the obvious here, but if she's asking for dudes up to 10 years older than herself, it has to be for some reason, right? So that explains why she states she wants a man making $100,000+. She's giving him lots of years to have worked up to that income.

She seems to have her plan worked out. Myself, I very much doubt I'll be on that kind of income even when I get to 38. Unless wages increase hugely in the future.

phantasic79 · 2016-10-24T22:13:24+00:00

That seems like a reasonable list of wants in a mate. It not like she was asking him to be 6'5"+ with an annual salary of over $500k.
But then again I live in the SF bay area and secretaries (or administrative assistants if you wanna be all PC) make 6 figures. Even plumbers, cops, corrections officers and garbagemen all make 6 figures with overtime. Nothing wrong with here wanting to date a blonde haired white guy that might want kids.

Why is everyone so sensitive these days geez. There are still plenty of women left for you to date. Just make sure you take a shower buy some clothes that fit and work on your game. It's not easy but far from impossible to find your unicorn.

MasherusPrime · 2016-10-24T17:10:28+00:00

Body: Curvy

Body type: Athletic Income: $100k+

Are you serious or trolling? Top5% versus a fat chick. (edit actually a top 0.45% guy, my bad.)

impossibleworlds · 2016-10-24T18:06:26+00:00

I think that list is a bit lofty, not extremely so, but a tad. I'm younger, thinner and a bit taller than your hypothetical woman here and am more flexible on most of those counts. People are entitled to have unrealistic standards but if you ask me she'd probably have to compromise on one or two at least if she's seeking a LTR.

Scurvemuch · 2016-10-24T17:34:57+00:00

while not unreasonable , without a pic, 5'4 and curvy just sounds like short fat chic

Here is what I always looked for when I was on dating sites :

Do the things they want match the things they ask for?

Height and body type not withstanding, if you are looking for something with a dollar tag attached to it, you better match that or be close, or you are a whore.

She is looking for the perfect man. While not unreasonable, to match she should be dropping her age by 3-5 years, have a slim body, say nothing about kids .

anitapk · 2016-10-24T17:35:12+00:00

Asking a minimum income to apply sounds like she's selling herself.

Also do you mean fat or actual curvy?

MisgenderedCactus · 2016-10-24T18:47:49+00:00

I think she's really reaching with an income of such epic proportions, but the rest doesn't seem that bad.

rulenumber303 · 2016-10-24T18:57:15+00:00

She's asking for what she thinks it would take to get her interested.

I've explained this a lot of times before. A life partner is a lot of effort... but that can be OK because a life partner brings pleasure and benefits too. A short term partner is a whole lot of risk but that's OK a short term partner can also bring pleasure. It is entirely down to the individual what they will accept as being "enough" to get him or her to make a deal. Setting a high standard is not the problem so long as the person setting that standard is willing to not whine and despair and be a perpetual miseryguts irritating everyone else when those standards are not met.

I mean seriously... if I was single tomorrow most of the men I could get would be worse than useless to me. And I'd be fine with staying single, I'd just shrug and say "this is it this is all there is so be it". If I one day decided "oh well I suppose if a guy is (big list of stuff) I'd give it a go see if he's ok" I would not be disadvantaging anyone beyond the five seconds it takes to flick past my profile if i put those criteria up on a dating profile. Quite literally every guy on a dating site who emails prospects in a broadcast fashion would be wasting people's time about as much as I'd be.

Now I understand men who are of moderate to low SMV find it frustrating to see a bunch of women out there who clearly aren't gonna fuck them. But it isn't like them hiding away would mean they don't exist. You need to chill out and get comfy with reality, stop expecting strangers to tiptoe round your feelz by hiding themselves. A lot of people you think are your sexual equals don't actually want you and will do fine without you. That's reality. Deal with it. The sexual marketplace would not be improved by them taking themselves of the market altogether, and they aren't gonna start fucking below their tolerances because below their tolerances is the zone where they feel better off without a guy at all..

damaskrose · 2016-10-24T22:12:54+00:00

I would say her standards are superficial - she clearly cares about looks & income, but didn't say anything about what type of personality she is looking for.

But not necessarily too high - if she's attractive (like 8+) then she can probably find a guy with all that & more. Stating it explicitly will hurt her chances, though.

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fiat_lux_ · 2016-10-24T17:44:17+00:00

She's asking too much from me (I'm not a blond caucasian). That's all that matters.

mashakos · 2016-10-24T18:14:21+00:00

Body: Curvy

looking for: Athletic

Now, I won't say that is "too much", we all have preferences. I will say that as a guy who is in decent shape I would never exclude a woman out of hand before I got to know her (except for the obese, they need to shape up). Stating physical appearance up front like that is tacky, I don't do tacky.

kick6 · 2016-10-24T22:31:05+00:00

Does it really matter?

One of the most irritating shitlib responses to any discussion that isn't going their way. Other versions are "why do you care?" and "how does this effect you?" As if I'm prohibited from caring or changing a social dynamic. Which is hilarious because the same white shitlibs are so heabily involved in a black lives matter moevemtn that breaks their "does it effect you? trope.

Rant over. Moving on.

She's not asking too much...........so long as she's willing to deal with the consequences. If I want to make shitty McDonald's-quality hamburglers, and try to sell them for $10 a piece, I'm fully "allowed" to try. Now if no one is buying them, I go out of business for being a dipshit. That all makes sense.

Where men get angry is when women set their McDonald's-quality selves at the $10 price point...and then get mad that men aren't buying, and blame men for whatever reason seems convenient "fat-shaming" "immaturity" or whatever. Now I get it...women have been told their entire lives that they're all fucking amazing and that every stud on the planet would be so amazeballs lucky to have them for their amazing snowflakeness, but rationality would suggest that once you conduct a market test (vis-a-vis, make a profile), and you're not selling, you blame the fucking product and not the buyer.

Transmigratory · 2016-10-24T23:46:58+00:00

Curvy as in fat or curvy as in actually curvy? If it is the former then it is asking for too much to expect an athletic male. Though I'd expect not if she exercises 5 times a week and actually looks good.

Income, she refuses to state hers while saying she wants a guy who earns at least 6 digits

Her standards are probably too high since guys like that would more likely aim for younger women not approaching the wall. I'm gonna say it, and I don't care who I trigger, but the sole determinant of whether her standards are high or not are her looks. If she looks so good that she can bag a guy like that, then it probably isn't too unreal.

However even still, most women with those requirements will come across as gold diggers or someone looking for their meal ticket.

Now she wants a blonde guy who is athletic that earns at least 6 digits... she's narrowed it down further. So unless she looks that amazing, she's probably asking for too much.

nemporisso · 2016-10-25T02:09:06+00:00

Oh remind me again, is match.com a paid service? Because if she's using it as a why-the-fuck-not, then she can write whatever she wants. Like, if she throws this out there and it turns out that there's a hot tall surgeon somewhere that wants to wife her up, then why not? But if it's paid that implies she's using the site as a legitimate (primary?) means of finding her life partner. In that case:

-I feel like she should go a couple inches shorter for the height -And a couple of tens lower for the income (though honestly, expecting a certain threshold without disclosing hers is uncouth, to say the least) -Arbitrary hair req -Arbitrary ethnicity req too tbh, but it doesn't massively cut down her numbers like the rest of these do so w/e

Overall that's why I got the impression it was a somewhat joking profile, you know? Like, if I had the patience to make an ad like this, I'd probably write "seeking hot kind millionaire" too because why the fuck not. I would never write any of this shit if I was being serious.

Charmingaxelotl · 2016-10-25T04:47:33+00:00

When I read 100k+ I immediately move on and verbally say fuck off. And curvy usually means fat so deal breaker there.

Blaat1985 · 2016-10-25T06:50:32+00:00

Without a picture of her face and knowing her weight this is impossible to answer.

JackGetsIt · 2016-10-25T12:16:03+00:00

When a women puts 'curvy' in the western world she's almost always obese. Obesity is undesirable to men. You can't negotiate attraction. In most areas 100k plus income is very desirable to women. So a traditionally undesirable women is asking for a traditional desirable man.

Yes she's asking for too much.

This is typical for women past age 24 or so. As their youth and looks decline and waistlines expand they start uping their expectations for a partner because they are nearing the 'wall' (or already past it and don't realize it) and want to get married.

Entropy-7 · 2016-10-25T13:44:32+00:00

Wanting $100k+ immediately sets off red flags. And at least average in height AND an athletic build.

She won't share her own income, and for some reason she is "curvy" despite working out 5+ times a week.

Is the term "buxom" just too archaic at this point, or are people more illiterate? The term has been somewhat hijacked but it's rarer.

shadowrangerfs · 2016-10-25T18:51:33+00:00

I see nothing wrong with this woman or what she wants. I'd question if she'd be willing to be the kind of woman that the mans want should she find one who fits her criteria. As for the 100K income, my opinion of that depends on how much she makes. I'd be annoyed if I found out this woman was unemployed or made much less than 100K. If she also made 100k, it wouldn't bother me at all.

sunkindonut149 · 2016-10-27T15:36:14+00:00

Income: I'll tell you later

This is a red flag. People like this

Income: $100k+

usually inbreed within their university league. Ivy with Ivy, high ranked State with State, high ranked international with high ranked international.

Bullmozer · 2016-10-29T02:18:36+00:00

Lol, are there any women who prefer blondes? I thought it had feminine connotations and was therefore deemed unattractive unless your name is Chris Hemsworth.

Vivalawala · 2016-11-01T04:15:59+00:00

I like how everyone is ignoring the fact that this female is a piece of shit racist!

babyredditer · 2016-11-01T14:41:32+00:00

Men and women don't always explicitly state their preferences online. Things like: size of body parts, ethnicity, n-count, et al but they exist. This woman is just more straightforward.

GridReXX · 2016-10-24T17:03:22+00:00

the only thing that seems unusual or high-standard is the height and income, IMO. the rest of it seems pretty normal and/or things that she herself possesses.

i probably wouldn't have such specific requirements myself, but aside from the things mentioned above, i don't really see a problem with someone else choosing to do that. the site allows it, after all, so i doubt she's the only one.

BluePiller1776 · 2016-10-24T17:03:38+00:00

Only complaint I got it that she lists what her ideal partner makes but doesnt list what she makes. If she makes around the same I dont think hes asking for too much considering she is looking for an equal. I do think it is rude to list how much you make / how much you want your partner to make.

Otherwise, no she isnt being over the top in what she wants

SkinnySweaty · 2016-10-24T17:13:22+00:00

Why would it matter?

Guys often have just as many requirements with their GF's. If you don't like her, move on. If women come across a profile that reads "only fucks models who love anal" or some other ridiculous thing, pretty sure they ignore that guy as well.

Who cares?

FishingWithShoesOn · 2016-10-24T17:10:40+00:00

[deleted]

Title	A Hypothetical Match.com profile: Is she asking for "too much?"
Author	Uyrr
Upvotes	10
Comments	297
Date	October 24, 2016 4:52 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/595lf2/a_hypothetical_matchcom_profile_is_she_asking_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/a-hypothetical-matchcom-profile-is-she-asking-for.272202 https://theredarchive.com/post/272202

Comments

Body: Curvy