Competent Men

pop442 · 2022-06-19T16:39:14+00:00

Competence is a requirement for transitioning into adulthood.

You can't just get by in life being incompetent. At some point, you have to learn skills and navigate life.

And don't do it for women. Do it because you're a grown ass man and it feels good to accomplish things in life for yourself.

I'm 28. Have my own place. Got a good job. And I'm on the verge of moving out of state. I'm not doing this for women but for myself.

If a man can't become competent on his own without female approval or sex being the main motivation, he's already lost.

Diddy_1978 · 2022-06-19T18:06:24+00:00

I have teenager sons. I expect them to do at least decently at school. I expect them to be able to sort their own shit. And I expect them to help out in the house and with their younger sibling. They are as competent and independent as they can be at their age.

SnooCats37 · 2022-06-19T18:34:41+00:00

Women want men that they don’t have to mother. They want a man that can contribute equally with the household without being told. They want them to be financially independent, doesn’t need to be a good job. You just have to be working. No one wants to be in a relationship with a man child. It’s not hard

-Ivar-TheBoneless · 2022-06-19T13:47:51+00:00

You do know the world isn't just college and social media right?

AnnoKano · 2022-06-19T16:53:26+00:00

I would say a good way to become a more competant man is not buying into internet scams.

Ylduts · 2022-06-19T15:23:01+00:00

I had to work very hard to become someway competent and I realised that dominant single mothers raise weak sons. Women seem to piss in the same pool that they drink from.

anon018274031 · 2022-06-19T14:17:07+00:00

Women not only want men more competent than themselves, they want men more competent than other men, which creates a bottleneck and a mathematical impossibility. Unless the few competent men don’t commit to any of the women and create soft harems.

Slyfer_Seven · 2022-06-19T14:24:00+00:00

Stop making it so comfortable to be a loser and competence will increase. The fact that you can be 25, no job, living at home, and still live a fairly comfortable life is both a success and failure of modern society...

MelodiousTones · 2022-06-19T14:12:48+00:00

Aren’t men responsible for building their own competence? Aren’t men responsible for deciding not to go to college?

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-06-19T16:09:35+00:00

A competent man understands things on screen aren’t real. They get what fiction is in media (including Social MEDIA) and live their own truth out in the real world. Part of being competent is understanding what’s real and what’s bullshit. Most everything on a screen is NOT REAL. Stop acting like it’s trying to guide you or teach you life lessons.

Ylduts · 2022-06-19T14:33:36+00:00

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EulenWatcher · 2022-06-19T15:25:04+00:00

Nowadays we have the most opportunities to achieve competence in different areas of out lives. The issue is that we also have the most distractions people have ever had and it affects both men and women.

I'm not sure where is the line between personal responsibility to achieve success and society helping/disadvantaging you, but I guess when we see that there's a systematic issue, we should address it. So young men seem to have systematic issues with failing at getting education, although parents are more likely to pay for them. I'm not sure what we can do about it. People claim that boys (and I'd say all children) need more practice rather than just sitting and listening to a teacher, but there are schools with looser schedules that allow kids to choose their own subjects and how they learn them and there's been a bunch of complains about this format as well, because providing kids with little structure is harmful as well. It's also not possible to reform current education system without pouring lots of money into it and I'm afraid no state is really interested in it.

Ylduts · 2022-06-19T20:24:37+00:00

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ex_red_black_piller · 2022-06-19T17:48:50+00:00

Dumb hot dudes have no problem getting either sex or dates.

LadySwitters · 2022-06-19T21:39:26+00:00

Because competent men aren’t raised by television and social media. They should be raised by other competent men. They need competent male role models.

ViolentTakeByForce · 2022-06-19T21:44:54+00:00

One of the biggest reasons men are like this, hate to say it, is because single moms are growing the “perfect little gentlemen”, IE, the guy she wouldn’t have fucked and has more feminine than masculine attributes.

I don’t put all the blame on women, there are a lot of men who allow their wife to do this and prefer peace over fighting with their wives or baby mama’s to make an impact on their sons.

Lastly as you say, society is also trying to dumb down men and their roles and neuter us as best as possible.

freespirit1963TJ · 2022-06-19T16:33:48+00:00

Being a competent man lies in the responsibility of the individual. The social media platforms that you are speaking of are operated by smarmy, spineless left wing zealots. There are plenty of competent men everywhere, we don't have to advertise.

AelfredRex · 2022-06-19T17:00:36+00:00

Let's look at the definition of incompetent.

"not having or showing the necessary skills to do something successfully"

Is society supposed to provide you with those skills? Is it supposed to force you to learn them? Or, like all human beings, is it the individual's responsibility to educate themselves and become competent as opposed to incompetent?

We have at our fingertips the entire culture of the world to choose from. We can see art from any museum, hear music from other continents, watch shows in foreign languages. All those possibilities. So if you choose... key word, choose... to fill your head with rants about feminism and how unfair the world is to men and how one-sided romance is and all that bollocks... then don't cry that society should have taught you how to be competent. It offered. You refused and ate garbage instead. Take responsibility.

SoftAd6291 · 2022-06-19T20:11:44+00:00

Survival of the fittest. Women are picky(or at least should be) and want competent men to bring/raise good humans that will help the world. Men that don’t fit that don’t get to reproduce.

At least that’s how it should be, women need to raise their standards. I’ve learned women do have power over society, only reproduce with proper competent men and things would be Better. In theory anyway

everleexc · 2022-06-19T16:44:40+00:00

This is why i argue for conscription of some kind. I grew up in a single mother family and i was a sad excuse for a boy/man. I enlisted into the army and gained that long needed backbone/pride that i lacked as a boy.

Men wont neccessarly learn "discipline" in the military (ironically i learned to question/argue against the authority in the army), but with most boys growing up in single mother families and lacking that father figure, i heavily argue for consciption, doesnt have to be active duty but maybe national guard or reserves.

I also want to point out that i have nothing against mothers, but boys can not learn how to be a man without a father, and it's starting to show.

sarkington · 2022-06-19T16:49:41+00:00

Luckily, modern society has this way of transferring competence for greater efficiency

It’s called money

learn2earn89 · 2022-06-19T18:46:23+00:00

A man can be silly, a little immature and playful but still have a routine of showering everyday, grooming, cleaning his place, and saving/responsible with finances. A plus is being competent in artistic endeavors.

I know women who prefer a man who is handy around the house while I like men who play musical instruments. I’m a below avg woman so maybe cuter women have different definitions of competency.

cliffthegeneralpeas · 2022-06-19T13:58:30+00:00

if a man is competent at a job,he get paid.In the old days,he can beta bucks,but in nowadays,its a luxury for most competent men😂

Gofishingrn · 2022-06-19T18:58:28+00:00

A lot of modern women have a ‘shopping list’ of requirements that frankly are a joke IMO

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SenorCerv · 2022-06-19T18:37:33+00:00

My grandma had a saying for her 7 girls: "The first one that passes by your door will do just fine". There's a baseline competence in all men, only women want to get a higher level one. They're miserably unsatisfied

April0510 · 2022-06-19T21:48:18+00:00

Competence would probably best be fostered in men the same way it is for women. By just having higher expectations for them, and shaming em when they dont meet them.

Now, thats toxic and shouldn’t be happening to women either. The normal way would simply be to hold people accountable. Men and women have kids out of wedlock or a stable relationship, and it is still mainly the women getting shit on for “spreading their legs for the wrong guy,” essentially absolving the guy of moralistic parental duties. Women are taking advantage of finally having the opportunity to go to school and work towards higher paying (male-dominated) careers, yet this means they are somehow responsible for men not getting themselves some higher education, which they’ve had easier access to for ages. It also means the women are “shit future moms/not real women. “

Men are allowed many excuses before they are finally blamed (or simply criticized) for their actions. Now, some people are complaining about this and that makes some men feel like they are being shit on. Competence in men could simply start with getting rid of these excuses. But of course that makes some men feel bad, because it is a privilege being taken away (or puts them equal to women in how they are judged).

heyitsabbi_ · 2022-06-20T11:21:56+00:00

Speaking as a woman who dated someone who wasn’t very competent, I genuinely think society is promoting competent men. I was in a long term relationship with someone I met when I was 18 prior to my current marriage. When we met he had plans to go to university, and I was just working at a grocery store. We had both graduated that year and were very much in the same stage of life. He was a gamer, I wasn’t at all but I was into art and we got along well. Little weird things like he didn’t have sheets and his mattress was literally on the floor, his room was painted solid black and was just a depressing mess, and he never cleaned up after himself, were easy to ignore because I was young and fell for him immediately. I’m gonna note here that he was like a 3, since everyone here seems obsessed with rating people. Point is, I was attracted to him for a myriad of reasons other than conventional attractiveness.

Fast forward a few years—I got into school, graduated and got a job in the field. Bought a new car because I did the grind of living with my parents while working two jobs. Commuted 1 hour each way for both my jobs.

He dropped out of school. Fought with his dad and sister who he lived with, never did a dish in the house, always ordered in food. Jumped from minimum wage job to minimum wage job. When he got one over minimum wage he quit bc the commute was 20 minutes. He lived for gaming and had a gambling addiction. We started out in similar places but he was just not very capable of owning his own life and I felt like I was suffocating in my own life, trying to help coax him along into being a good partner while also dumbing myself down to be with him. Not a great situation by the end.

BUT he was not the norm. All of his friends had shit sorted out and he felt a lot of shame and uncertainty around most of these issues. He was aware that he was emotionally handicapped and that it impacted him negatively. ETA; he knew but he still didn’t try to change it. It just fuelled his already low self esteem and depression.

We broke up and I started dating my now-husband. He’s super conventionally attractive, but I was drawn to him because he was so driven. When we met he was managing a division in a local company, he owned his own successful online business (which I also did/do), he had built his own house and was just so motivated. He knew what he wanted in life and in a partner. He had been married previously and so he didn’t want to repeat any of that emotional trauma and had a very low bullshit tolerance. We both work and save up our money, we cook together, we take vacations and plan our lives. He sold his house that he built, after we successfully rented it out on AirBNB for a few months, and now we’re living in a small city with plans to move to a different province eventually. He and I have different hobbies but we show interest and support for one another’s passions. It’s a night and day difference.

The wild thing is that my husband would objectively have had a harder go of establishing himself. He wasn’t born in Canada, he’s the youngest of 11 kids, and has been “on his own” for most of his life. He’s the only one of his siblings to actually graduate high school (others have gotten their GED). He was the sole breadwinner in his previous marriage. One of his sisters passed away from cancer a few years before I met him.

My ex was born in an middle class family in a main city and excelled in school, had lots of friends,etc.

I get that this is all just me talking about my experience, but what I’m trying to get at is that it’s up to the man to challenge themselves and rise above your situations. Grow the fuck up, and go to therapy and seek help if you’re finding it hard to. Simple as that. People know what basic competency looks like, now it’s up to them to pursue that in their own life.

JoeRMD77 · 2022-06-20T14:46:37+00:00

We're so competent that we can make ourselves look incompetent. It's sort of like peacocking in a way. Women don't want some stoic IQ nerd who stares hard at them through their coke-bottle glasses, they want a goofy, fun-loving man.

Like, the way you guys talk on here would turn most women off for instance - that's incompetence.

2022-06-20T16:28:40+00:00

Competence is never taught in a classroom
Hollywood portrayal of shit is just that shit
Most men are leaving social platforms because unlike it's name there really is nothing social about it.

Title	Competent Men
Author	Ylduts
Upvotes	80
Comments	253
Date	June 19, 2022 1:45 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vfvjbi/competent_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/competent-men.1209551 https://theredarchive.com/post/1209551

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