“Female sexuality is responsive”

Philip8000 · 2022-12-19T18:59:35+00:00

Generally, the man's expected to make the first move, from asking her out, kissing, and everything else. There are exceptions to this, but it's generally how it works. Have to read all the subtle hints she's into you, which is a difficult thing to do, especially on the autism spectrum.

I've heard just as many stories of: "he didn't notice all the blatant hints I was into him" as I have "he flirted with me when I was just trying to be friendly."

Over_North8884 · 2022-12-19T18:48:43+00:00

I think "responsive" is the wrong term. Males are pursuers/proactive, females are pursued/reactive. Men put on the show, women are spectators. Feminists might deny this but its well documented throughout the animal kingdom.

MistyMaisel · 2022-12-19T19:31:37+00:00

I mean, my understanding of this concept is that it breaks down to a few things, but could be broadly stated as, "Sex with women requires a context" while sex for men requires no context. You can see this in the way we consume masturbation materials. There's almost no story for a man's or it is pretty ridiculous and typically involves strangers. The story is almost all there is for women's, it tends to adhere to a pretty decent logic and the sex is a result of the story, not something almost entirely divorced from it and sex with strangers doesn't tend to be the rule.

This is largely why people in relationships tend to have more sex on average. The relationship is the context most women require for sex. It implies a story has already taken place and is ongoing and thus fulfills at least some aspect of the required context to get a woman's sexuality going.

Now, within that context, there's obviously other contexts. But typically they are referencing that most women need an emotional context (feeling loved, lusted after, excited, affectionate, intimate) in order to feel interest in sex. They need to be somewhat physically aroused to have an interest in sex. In some sense, they need to be acted upon and are unlikely to overtly seek sex without a prior context involved. The environment and day need to be leading towards sex.

Not sure I cleared this up entirely, but, it pretty much means I ain't gonna arouse myself most of the time and just looking at a guy isn't going to do it.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-12-19T18:47:50+00:00

It means a woman gets turned on in response to something sexy happening to her or around her. She doesn't just look at a man and get turned on the way men can get turned on by women on the street or in porn. There's a book called Come As You Are that is supposed to be good on the subject of women's sexuality. Having said that, I've never read it, but it gets mentioned a lot on the marriage forums.

StopTheIncels · 2022-12-19T19:18:37+00:00

Yes.

Seriously though, a woman's libido and subsequent attraction is based on how she feels/likes your actions/personality towards her. It also gives her an easy route for plausible deniability and can choose the 'best' man based on reaction/emotion to him. For example, it can be very low/nonexistent at baseline until the right 'person' comes along. Then it can be through the roof (apparently). Personally, I have never found a girl's libido to skyrocket 'once in a relationship', but maybe I haven't found the right one.

SmilesLikeMardiGras · 2022-12-19T18:22:42+00:00

yes thats what it means

BrummieAMN19 · 2022-12-19T19:27:12+00:00

It’s basically you having to express your attraction to her. For majority women you need to be setting man-woman frames consciously, knowing how to physically and sexually escalate, teasing, flirting (although overrated) building sexual tension using compliance testing/ladders, moving the conversation forward, knowing how to lead, using the right vocal tonality and other forms of sub communications. Basically what creates chemistry and the spark but obviously women think it’s natural reality is it’s not.

Guys who constantly get the “no spark” text (including good looking men sometimes) or “Iets be friends” after a rejection don’t do this and it’s completely their fault as it’s fuck all to do with physical attraction and to do with them being rubbish at game. Hence why morons on here are wrong when they say it’s always a done deal when she’s physically attracted. After awhile you’ll pick up on a routine and do similar things as women aren’t varied people at all to the point where it’s Groundhog Day.

BecretAlbatross · 2022-12-20T08:27:17+00:00

I can confirm this. Been chadlite my entire life. Ran into erectile and low testosterone problems a few years ago.

Women will NOT fuck you unless your body is telling you to fuck them. If your dick doesn't get hard they don't get turned on. It sucks because before getting laid was really easy.

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2022-12-20T12:11:54+00:00

It means, for a not unusual attractive man, if a man does absolutely no kind of flirting, the women will never develop and kind of want to fuck him.

Ie it reacts to what the men do, and is never the instigator.

NockerJoe · 2022-12-19T18:41:44+00:00

A large part of the time its mostly just an excuse to put responsibility for sex on the guy unilaterally. After all, you can't expect your girlfriend or wife to actually proactivley want to be with you, thats absurd.

Whatever was originally meant it has very obviously become an excuse for lazy pillow princess behavior.

bluestjuice · 2022-12-19T20:56:14+00:00

I don’t agree that female sexuality is always responsive, so I’d like to put that to one side to start with.

But for a person with responsive sexuality, what it means is that their sexual response is slower to get started and often doesn’t manifest spontaneously, it occurs as a response to stimulating contexts.

In the context of an established sexual relationship, that could mean things like them not minding how often sex happens and not initiating much. It could mean that if the stress level of life gets too high it puts a serious damper on their sexual interest. It could mean that big life changes translate into lessened sexual desire overall. It might mean needing more time and effort to enter a mind space for sex (even before actual arousal kicks in).

OP, what you’re describing sounds like it mostly has to do with the early dating/hookup scene? In which case I would imagine very often the things that are happening in that scene (flirting, dancing, etc.) serve as their own context contributing to arousal.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2022-12-19T19:07:50+00:00

I don't understand what's so difficult about this, it means y'all are the monkeys, so you best get to dancing.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-12-19T18:43:33+00:00

Hypoagency and responsive desire are separate things.

Hypoagency stems from women's sexual dichotomy, which provides a need that they hide sex or blame their sexual behaviours on men.

Having a man make all the moves means you can have animalistic sex and later blame him and debase him.

The only role responsive desire plays in all this is that people with responsive desire can have their sexual interest go into dormancy if there is prolonged lack of stimulus. So they can later marry and express no interest in sex for years, which is the other part of this dichotomy.

FunctionPlastic · 2022-12-20T13:25:49+00:00

Most of these statements are misleading and obfuscate the true source of the difference in sexual behavior: female sex drive is biologically significantly lower than men's.

pseudonymmed · 2022-12-21T08:12:54+00:00

No. Responsive doesn’t mean passive. It means women are less likely to just be spontaneously horny, or to want sex simply because it’s available. A woman needs to be in the mood to desire sex, whereas men are more likely to just be ready whenever. Male desire is like a light switch that can be flicked on by many things.. seeing a woman bend over, or hearing “wanna do it?” And then he’s horny. Women are more like a dimmer switch that needs to be slowly turned up, and if any distractions come up at the wrong moment it switches off again. what makes that switch go up depends on the woman, but generally it’s progressive.. chatting with someone she finds cute and feels a connection with leads to a desire to kiss.. if the kissing is good it leads to a desire for more, and so on. If the kissing is bad the desire crashes. If the guy starts making her uncomfortable, it crashes. Her desire builds and responds to the circumstances, whereas often fir men their desire is flicked on just from looking at an attractive woman and they decide quickly if they’d be willing to do it with her. A woman might decide quickly whether a guy is attractive enough to bed, but deciding whether she actually wants to do it with him depends on many factors and can take some time to build.

SteelFox144 · 2022-12-21T15:53:42+00:00

I think people saying this generally mean that women don't initiate sex, but get turned on when men initiate sex. It's a really dumb idea because women initiate sex all the time. Even when a man initiates sex, for the most part, the women has to already want sex for him to be successful. It's possible to put a woman in the mood to have sex when she wasn't before and that's probably how most sex happens, but that's only because men have so much higher of a sex drive than women on average that men try to initiate sex so much more often.

Men can not be in the mood for sex when a woman wants it and a man in that situation are way more responsive than a women. If an average man is going about his daily business and his female partner who wants sex comes up and starts rubbing her butt against his crotch, the average man is going to respond by getting in the mood to have sex pretty quick almost every time. If an average woman isn't in the mood to have sex and a her male partner who wants sex comes up and starts doing whatever has the best chance of getting her in the mood (which is different from one woman to the next), the average woman is going to be annoyed and tell her partner to stop bothering her because she doesn't feel like it most of the time. If anyone's sexuality is more responsive, it's men's.

Birb-brained · 2022-12-19T19:18:47+00:00

Female sexuality is not responsive. Responsive sexual desire can be held by either men or women. It’s really only relevant once a couple has begun having sex.

Spontaneous desire - has the spontaneous initial thought which makes them seek sex or intimacy. Doesn’t need to be in a sexy scenario, could just be washing dishes or taking out the bin.

Responsive desire - responds and becomes aroused in response to sexy things happening around them. Partners who experience responsive desire need a prompt or the ‘build up’ to sex in order to feel ‘in the mood’.

These are just good to know things when you are in a relationship and particularly if you are struggling with understanding each others libidos.

mcove97 · 2022-12-19T20:04:03+00:00

I just tell dudes I wanna fuck them if U wanna fuck them. No time to beat around the bush. I mean, I could be dead Tomorrow, so who has time for games. Imagine missing out cause you were dumb enough to play hard to get

pending_ending · 2022-12-19T18:36:25+00:00

it means females want you to show in actions and words that you are attracted to them first, and this gives them the judging/selecting position. females invest quite a bit of energy in being attractive, interesting, entertaining to males (whether you notice it or not, and whether they want to admit it or not) and i guess maybe they want to keep their status of subtlety so they'd rather have you react to their indirect advances, directly. females sort of already have it in their minds that males should be attracted to them, so if they're not showing it, females typically won't throw themselves at you since rejection feels a lot less familiar and thus harsher (probably, i'm sure it hurts for males too). but..this isn't always the case especially if it's a "high value male" (handsome/hot, dominant, "successful," etc). if this type of male isn't showing attraction then females will often instead feel drawn to him, because they want to be seen as high value females, and only a truly high value male can give that kind of acknowledgement since "average males" are seen more like subhuman NPCs that don't really have an ability to validate someone as "special" as a female. average males instead will acknowledge and "settle" for almost anyone, and females don't want to be "one of many." again..males may also not truly want that, but they don't really have as many bargaining chips and mostly have to come to terms with being needed, not wanted, being average and acceptable, not attractive. of course males and females alike could derive self worth and validation from within too, but typically that's not how people work. that was a bit tangential but was hopefully salient.

armpitpics · 2022-12-19T19:44:14+00:00

I'm a woman and I have no idea where you draw the line between spontaneous and responsive. There's growing evidence that women experience genital and neurological reactions similar to men when presented with sexual images or images of someone attractive of the opposite sex. Are both women and men being responsive because that sexual reaction is triggered by external causes? or are they being spontaneous because the object of their desire isn't seducing them?
Men approaching women is just a sexual/dating script I'm afraid has very little to do with responsiveness.

thetacobitch · 2022-12-19T19:54:54+00:00

It literally just means women aren’t perpetually horny for no reason like men usually. Men walk around in everyday life and just are horny and frequently ready to have sex at the drop of a hat.

Women often require more to become turned on.

mugdul · 2022-12-19T18:42:40+00:00

I had no idea that women were such delicate little flowers who can't handle a little bit of assertive flirting. I mean, it's not like they're human beings with their own thoughts and feelings or anything. No, no. They're just passive objects that exist solely for men to pursue and try to seduce. And if they don't immediately fall for your smooth moves and direct sexual advances, well then it's just their loss. Keep on keepin' on, dude. You're doing the Lord's work.

Gomdofthefall · 2022-12-19T18:18:02+00:00

Patriarchy dies, confusion and angst blossom

LupeDyCazari · 2022-12-19T18:33:07+00:00

There are 3.5 billion women out there in the world.

There are women who are going to approach you, and there are women who aren't going to blatantly approach you and instead will give you signals for you to approach them, and then you either accept the advances of the women who are attracted to you, or you don't, and you approach the women who are seemingly attracted to you.

That whole female sexuality is responsive. I dunno. Maybe they are geneticists or anthropologists, or psychologists and they are saying that based on what they know from their work, but personally speaking, what I've just told you is what I have experienced, and what many, many non-fat, non-conventionally ugly, non 5feet tall dude has gone through.

AutoModerator · 2022-12-19T18:14:14+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Willow-girl · 2022-12-20T00:28:07+00:00

"Female sexuality is responsive" if she's not attracted to you. If she is, she'll be clawing at your zipper.

rippurplepill · 2022-12-20T02:15:18+00:00

Likely a hold over from traditional views that women are not sexual beings in our own right and are only “awakened” sexually by men. Something trads, male and female, are much more comfortable with.

I’ve said this a million times — if female sexuality is “responsive,” explain Magic Mike.

As far as your dating life in 2022, it doesn’t mean shit. Pay no attention.

WilliamWyattD · 2022-12-20T03:22:12+00:00

To be fair, this is a general truth. Some women have a more male-like active sexuality. And many women with normally responsive or passive sexuality can sometimes be in a more active and male-like mode.

SoldierExcelsior · 2022-12-20T03:47:15+00:00

I just ask how much.

abaxeron · 2022-12-20T07:44:27+00:00

What do the people saying this even mean?

It's a nice way to say "Yes, women don't love men, and Yes, it causes a lot of problem for everyone, but it's still men's own fault, cuz they aren't trying enough or something."

obviousredflag · 2022-12-20T12:14:04+00:00

https://www.issm.info/sexual-health-qa/what-is-responsive-sexual-desire

When people think about sexual desire, they often think about spontaneous desire, which is internal arousal or desire to connect with a partner. However, the motivation for sexual activity is not always spontaneous. In fact, it often occurs in response to starting sexual activity or sexual stimulation. This is known as responsive desire.

Responsive sexual desire is an important concept when it comes to intimacy between sexual partners, especially for those who are in long-term relationships. Sometimes, an individual may choose not to engage in sexual activity with their partner because they are not “in the mood” or they do not feel turned on. While this feeling is completely normal, and no one should ever feel pressured to have sex if they do not want to, there may be circumstances in which starting sexual activity will actually spark sexual desire.

Several qualitative studies on the female sexual response cycle have commented on the role of responsive desire in sexual interactions, noting that women often experience sexual arousal before sexual desire. This suggests that people, (perhaps women in particular,) may not need to feel sexual desire at the start of sexual activity, but may gain the feeling as the activity progresses.

pagan6990 · 2022-12-20T17:46:53+00:00

I read a book years ago called "The Female Brain" by Dr. LOUANN BRIZENDINE, a Neuropsychiatrist. (highly recommend the book)

She explained it this way (if my memory is correct). When it comes to sex the male brain is like a car with the engine on and in neutral. Anything can bump the car into drive.

For females their sex drive is like a car where the engine isn't on, it's cold, and it's in park. It needs some effort to get it started. Except, of course, when she is ovulating. Then the engine is on.

This, of course, talking about the average man and woman. There is a lot of variation between men and between women.

Jeshurian77 · 2022-12-20T23:52:07+00:00

I'm not sure about the whole responsive part in dating as most women (IMO) don't assert themselves because they have gotten so used to not doing it that it's one of the things they would rather not change. And so they remain passive.

If, however, you're talking about passive sexuality in a relationship (which is where I have heard it more) then, to my understanding, what they mean is women don't take the initiative when it comes to sex.

Which, tbh, is understandable when you consider how many prompts there are for women to be sexy but so few for men.

Bizarrely, sex is more marketed at women despite there being this message that women are less interested in sex. Like, there aren't many sex shops aimed at men pleasing their women, but you'll find mostly the opposite.

Women are meant to wear sexy underwear. Do lap dances. Dress in role play.

If you ask a woman how to be sexy, she will know even if she chooses not to be.

If you ask a man how to be sexy he will probably struggle at first or say nothing at all.

Women in relationships are sexually passive often because they're bored and men often only know how to have sex but not how to be sexy.

_demidevil_ · 2022-12-21T15:49:55+00:00

I have no idea what this means. It’s not congruent with my reality. What is it us lesbians are responding to? If women’s sexuality is “responsive” that insinuates we need a man to initiate it… so why, in a club where no men are allowed, are there so many women eating each other out in the bathrooms and touching each other up on the dance floor??? 10 minutes after we just met….

sparklyyblueberryy · 2022-12-21T21:11:25+00:00

It's less "impulsive" and based on scarcity. Not on "hunter" mode. Even male sexuality becomes more responsive in a relationship. So basically, she might not think about sex randomly, but with some flirting she gets more in the mood, after kissing she gets more in the mood, after some touching she gets more in the mood. This is why some couples have issues in the bedroom. He initiates, she isn't in the mood.

But this is very exaggerated and binary.

Title	“Female sexuality is responsive”
Author	Johnny_Autism
Upvotes	22
Comments	120
Date	December 19, 2022 6:14 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zpz0k9/female_sexuality_is_responsive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/female-sexuality-is-responsive.1143327 https://theredarchive.com/post/1143327

Comments