We hear enough about red flags on this sub, what are some of your dating green flags?

Smoogs2 · 2023-04-20T14:50:39+00:00

Loves her father

Mobrowncheeks · 2023-04-20T14:43:20+00:00

Someone who asks me questions about me, listens to what I have to say, and can pivot of my statement to further a conversation.

MistyMaisel · 2023-04-20T15:11:08+00:00

Can consistently make me laugh
Doesn't take himself or others too seriously
Sound financial plans/ habits
Generous without it having ulterior motives
Builds other people up, especially people who obviously need it
Is capable of telling stories in which they are the asshole or the stupid person without it being an obvious like self-harming thing.
Shows they listened to what you say and is able to call it back or in other ways demonstrate they were listening and it mattered enough to remember.
Always has kind words for others.
Can be made to laugh consistently.
Gives compliments which aren't about appearances to you and other women.
Can discuss their upbringing, childhood, traumas, and such with self-awareness and a sense of how they've worked to overcome it.
Learns from mistakes and shows they can integrate criticism or change.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-04-20T15:20:16+00:00

How someone treats animals says a lot about them. I like people who are kind to animals.

Medium_Let143 · 2023-04-20T15:04:49+00:00

Focus and laughter.

I love a man on a mission. When you have a goal that doesn't involve sex or a relationship, that's the best thing to me.

Also, a man who laughs a lot enjoys the world. Laugh at the world, at the absurd, at himself. I want to launch together and support him on his mission.

To this girl, what a lot of red pill guys get wrong is that they focus so much on sex and relationships, that they lose their mission. Focus on being the best you and girls will notice.

HungerISanEmotion · 2023-04-20T15:11:32+00:00

Genuine conversations.

Doesn't agree with everything I say. Is open minded.

Doesn't talk about her ex'es.

VehementlyDrawn · 2023-04-20T15:15:46+00:00

Humility, altruism, good tipper

ashpr0ulx · 2023-04-20T15:34:13+00:00

knows how to disagree politely, doesn’t take themselves too seriously, is kind to waiters, bartenders, etc., laughs a lot, faces inconvenience or less than ideal situations with a good attitude, has a really fucked up sense of humor/not easily offended, strong sense of self

anon018274031 · 2023-04-20T16:30:56+00:00

Can be assertive and protective whilst favouring de-escalation. Being able to be a bigger person and walk away says a lot about a man.
respects women (if I have one more date tell me how awful ALL their ex’s are, or how I’m not dumb/sensitive/insert something offensive here like other women I’m gonna scream)
honesty (being able to recognise flaws and being open about the past is so important)
Good financial sense (saving, doesn’t go into debt, understands when to say no)
Gets on with family and understands the importance of family (if someone doesn’t have a family either they are the asshole, or their family are and their family raised them)
Asks for my STD test before sexual contact
genuinely wants to know about you, and when you respond back also opens up

CapsuleCorpLogo · 2023-04-20T16:50:37+00:00

Good relationship with her father and mother

Doesn’t complain and talk shit about her “best” friends,

Has a normal relationship with alcohol/weed

Doesn’t post bikini thirst traps on her IG for all the guys to screen shot and **** to.

Doesn’t throw low blows when we argue.

Understands that I have a life and interest outside of our relationship.

Compliments my life instead of trying to take over it.

Doesn’t post nudes on NSFW Reddit

No only friends.

Likes anime.

AngeCruelle · 2023-04-20T17:24:39+00:00

-Respectful to staff/employees

-Good relationship with his family

-Doesn't interrupt me when I speak, or apologizes and lets me continue

-Understands references to literature/philosophy, maybe even teaches me some I'm not familiar with

-Thinks before he speaks

-Likes cats (have yet to meet a male cat lover I didn't like)

modidlee · 2023-04-20T16:04:59+00:00

A woman who doesn't mind paying for stuff when we're out.

abaxeron · 2023-04-20T15:37:21+00:00

Communication and conflict deescalation, especially if it runs in the family.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-04-20T15:54:54+00:00

He offers to pay for the date, but he doesn't act like his masculinity is insulted when I offer to pick up half or buy the drinks or something.
He has a good relationship with his mother, but is also independent from his family.
He respects women - not just paying lip service to it or opening doors, but respects them as fully functioning adults.
He asks questions about your life, your interests, etc.
The conversation is a 2-way conversation, not him pontificating or talking over you.
He's kind to children, pets, the elderly, and he tips servers well.
This one isn't common, but my husband got STD tested without me asking him to and gave me his results on the 3rd date. I thought that was a great green flag.

HobbitShaker88 · 2023-04-20T18:13:02+00:00

-Treats his mother and sister well

-Has empathy towards those who do not benefit him directly

-Has emotional intelligence (biggest green flag there ever is from a man)

-Is able to calmly discuss conflict

-Actually wants to resolve conflict, no passive aggressive/stonewalling/refusing to compromise

-Remembers little things about you

-Checks to see if you got home okay

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-04-20T15:40:36+00:00

The biggest green flag was if I enjoyed talking to her.

Miserable_Yam4778 · 2023-04-20T21:06:51+00:00

Good with children and animals. Kind to retail employees, food service workers, so forth and so on. Not easily embarrassed, not highly self-conscious. Willing to be cheerfully wrong and learn.

keepinitrealzs · 2023-04-20T22:11:51+00:00

Friends with people for a significant amount of time.

philosopher__queen · 2023-04-20T23:34:16+00:00

One I heard from some of the women in my family that I don’t think has been mentioned here is how men treat women they aren’t attracted to. Major green flag when men are polite and interested in others whom they aren’t attracted to!

DisasterPeace7 · 2023-04-22T00:08:55+00:00

No straight male friends
Dark/twisted sense of humor
Works out on a regular basis
Non feminist
Loves animals
Would rather go to brunch with her girlfriends than the club

v1cgt · 2023-04-20T17:25:20+00:00

Low body count

No social media / phone addiction

naeboy · 2023-04-24T17:09:10+00:00

1) Not fat - I don't like fat people typically. Most I've met make excuses for being fat rather than trying to fix it, and to me this indicates such low standards of accountability that they can't even be bothered to be accountable for their own health and wellbeing.

2) Not a girlboss - Not getting into masculine/feminine energy or whatever, but every woman I've met who ID'd herself as a girlboss is an absolute nightmare of an individual. There's an attitude of entitlement with these ones and I can't stand being around entitled people in general.

3) Deliberate/Introspective - I like women like this. To me, it indicates intelligence far more than a college education does. You can be the best neurosurgeon in the world but if you can't argue your own personal philosophy down to it's most base constituents and have a cavalier attitude towards your own actions, I will severely dislike you.

4) Got their finances in order - This isn't something you normally find out on the first few dates, but this is the ultimate green flag for me and moves a girl from gf to serious courtship. It shows that you are accounting for your future and planning for when life fucks you over next.

TurtleDickSlap · 2023-04-20T18:13:38+00:00

Good relationship with her father
Her ex boyfriends are men of equivalent status to me and speak well of her
Has (and uses) a gym membership
Knows how to cook
No slut friends
Natural hair color and style
Minimal/no tattoos (cultural tattoos permitted)
No kids
Knows how to shut the fuck up

wtknight · 2023-04-20T17:45:42+00:00

If she seems sexually attracted to me and she likes intelligent conversations. Also, if she doesn’t like casual sex.

SecondEldenLord · 2023-04-20T21:53:23+00:00

If she's a virgin, she's a keeper.

KirthWGersen · 2023-04-20T15:54:31+00:00

Has sex with me the first time we meet and every time we meet thereafter.

Pays her way.

Doesn't text very often and especially doesn't expect me to text much.

Waits a long time before she says she loves me. Years preferably.

Teases and likes being teased.

Understands that she is not centre of the world.

Understands when it appropriate to consider others' needs before her own.

Accepts that I will be having sex with other women, but prefers not to talk about it.

If she has sex with other men and feels the need to tell me, leaves it a few weeks so it feels like the distant past.

Understands that my kids and work are my first priorities.

Doesn't need constant assurance or demonstrations of my love for her.

If anything is on her mind, or there is anything I have done that annoys her, tells me right away instead of letting it stew and expecting me to guess.

I could go on...

---

It may come as a surprise to some people, but I have met a lot of women like this.

SkookumTree · 2023-04-20T15:51:46+00:00

Being an insensitive bitch. I can't get enough of insensitive, tactless bitches...

AutoModerator · 2023-04-20T14:30:52+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

RP-MJ · 2023-04-20T15:22:20+00:00

Can cook

fantabroo · 2023-04-20T17:15:38+00:00

Someone who is all about honest, open communication without any mind games

A girl who is all in, making it obvious she's into you (so there's no need for second-guessing), and who not only puts in the effort but is also super passionate when it comes to sex

Doesn't spend all day badmouthing their exes (because, let's face it, we likely end up on that list someday)

Baconator73 · 2023-04-20T17:59:12+00:00

Is good about honoring their commitments to other people. If she tells her friend she will attend their brunch gathering at 11 even if she’s not feeling up for it but made a commitment and still shows up on time. That’s a huge green flag.

For one that should be for both sexes. Prudent with finances and delayed gratification. Most divorces are for financial reasons but the majority of people could be better with money, spending, saving, looking for deals etc.

grown_folks_talkin · 2023-04-20T18:33:13+00:00

Assuming this is early dating stuff:

Casual mention of kinks/high-libido/flings with younger men or women, without going into details.

Likes to work out, and not just for dudes.

Sincerely offers to pay for something or cover the next date.

Fascinated by cult dynamics, bonus points if some high-control religious group or cult considers her an apostate.

If BW, has some history with non-BM, if non-BW has some history with BM… I am BM.

Well traveled.

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-04-20T20:30:47+00:00

Willing to go out on a limb and have sex on acid >>>>>> everything else.

I finally found someone who would do it with me and we are still together 3.5 years later

questioningfeminist · 2023-04-20T21:11:55+00:00

"I want equality, but feminism is cancer"

Ok_Entrepreneur2931 · 2023-04-20T21:18:39+00:00

Offers to pay her share

GG55222 · 2023-04-20T21:42:12+00:00

When she hasnt been in a relationship in a long time. Shows me she wants to be with me because she genuinely likes me, most women are not in love they just want someone. It's also an indicator of low body count

AFuzzyMuffin · 2023-04-20T22:23:49+00:00

So you wouldn’t be with a guy who had a toxic mom?

LingonberryGood3915 · 2023-04-20T22:26:52+00:00

no concept of confrontation , no real opinions, no ego, wants a simple and private life, very few but close friends, good relationship with parents, generally being inexperienced, enthusiastic and interested about life, being quiet, not talking bad about other people.

ichbin514 · 2023-04-20T23:31:59+00:00

Can hold or lead a conversation and shows interest(even though mostly it's fake).
Is cute
Financially stable

That's it.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-04-21T00:26:40+00:00

These will be particular to the person. For example a green flag for my coworker who wants to be a mom is someone who is serious about kids and relationships. For me that'd be a red flag. But in general:

Takes hiccups in stride and doesn't freak out or lose their temper or become bereft over things not going perfectly (if the server spills water on their lap, if the place we were going for coffee was closed unexpectedly when we got there, if they got a flat tire)
Treats everyone decently (the dog and the person walking them whom we accidentally get tangled in the leashes, the server, old people, the homeless person asking for a dollar, young people, punks skateboarding, students studying, old people taking too long with their coffee order)
Is curious about you but doesn't act like an interviewer or someone running a social experiment
Comfortable talking about themselves
Doesn't take themselves too seriously
Doesn't talk down about themselves, criticize themselves often
Has their own sense of style, however subdued
Responsible/non-addictive personality
Appreciates the simple things in life (just potential examples - good food, friendships, bugs and plants, long showers, music, the colors of the sky in gloaming)

angelicasinensis · 2023-04-21T00:32:26+00:00

Men that love kids, animals, their family. Men who love books, the environment, taking care of themself and eating well. I personally like men who are feminine , quiet and gentle.

badgersonice · 2023-04-21T00:35:52+00:00

Isn’t condescending or always trying to prove they know more than me about everything, and is able to listen and even learn from me without acting weird or insulted when I know more about something. (Obviously, I offer the same kind of respect in reverse when I don’t know as much)

In other words… they don’t always have to be right, and are respectful about that.

Some guys always want to play the teacher, or see you knowing something as some kind of affront, but I’m sure there’s women like that too. It’s annoying at best, and contemptuous at worst.

LadyofTheGreyPath · 2023-04-21T01:41:05+00:00

How he speaks of other women can be a green flag or red flag, if he thinks putting down other women in order to make it seem like he's more interested in me that's a massive turn-off and it sounds disingenuous. Empathy for animals is a must, even the ones people don't automatically find cute. Frugality is a major plus, people who waste money or throw money around are reckless and cause more trouble than they're worth. How they treat waitstaff and retail workers is another green flag, shows more about someone's character than you think.

Bonus: blunt and tactful are another pair of green flags to add to the list, resourceful being another plus bit if I listed everything it would take all day.

Digital-Bionics · 2023-04-21T02:23:37+00:00

An amazing woman I went out with would tell disruptive guys to fuck off instead of being polite to them

begayallday · 2023-04-21T03:54:22+00:00

Likes cats. Gets along well with one or more of their exes. Anarchist. Atheist. Easygoing and comfortable with giving one another a lot of personal freedom. Gives the middle finger to gender roles.

Cupcakelover1985 · 2023-04-21T08:10:45+00:00

-Two parents that are quality respectable people and a good healthy relationship with both of them.

-Romantic and chivalrous

-Engages in a respectable amount of familiarity when first meeting.

szclimber · 2023-04-21T17:08:46+00:00

The number 1 green flag is if the person is putting in effort

Title	We hear enough about red flags on this sub, what are some of your dating green flags?
Author	DrinkItInMan11
Upvotes	25
Comments	149
Date	April 20, 2023 2:30 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/12t0j4p/we_hear_enough_about_red_flags_on_this_sub_what/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/we-hear-enough-about-red-flags-on-this-sub-what.1215118 https://theredarchive.com/post/1215118

Comments