Why do even women with high libidos prefer monogamy or sex with just one partner?

Gravel_Roads · 2023-10-30T10:32:14+00:00

This reads like someone who's never dated or had hookups before.

Because casual sex with different people every night is a chore, it takes more work, there's no way of knowing if a stranger is any good at sex or is one of those people that's only nice up-front and becomes an asshole over time, and it's more dangerous, both because you don't know the habits of the other person, but you also don't know what their health is like.

Meanwhile, the plus sides of having a stable partner are: Sex with someone you've already vetted and know you like being with, without ever having to leave the house.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2023-10-30T10:10:31+00:00

If I'm getting good sex from the man that I love, I don't really need anything else.

Also, I feel like it's disrespectful to even entertain the thought about other men sexually (if I'm in love), so I simply never go there. But to be honest, I did fantasize about other men when I was in a loveless relationship (I also had raging fear of missing out because he was my first).

And finally, social stigma is also a pretty big reason. Even when I was single and wanted sex without strings attached, I wanted a fwb and not many one night stands because I didn't want my count to go way up or to be labeled as a slut.

pssnflwr · 2023-10-30T14:14:13+00:00

frequent sex with someone you know and are comfortable and reliably compatible with is better and safer than a bunch of randos

Creation_Soul · 2023-10-30T09:57:49+00:00

i think it's because for women, getting sex is easy, but getting good sex is more difficult. In most circumstances, sex improves over time with a stable partner (that is somewhat sexually compatible with you) as you learn what eachother likes and dislikes.

GoldenHornyChicken · 2023-10-30T10:47:03+00:00

Libido is not the only parameter to take account to. Affection and partnership are equally important parts of what makes the relationship desirable. In my experience, the more I feel emotionnaly close to my SO, the more I want him, the more my libido is getting high.

comfy_sweatpants5 · 2023-10-30T11:51:08+00:00

Sex with someone I like is substantially better than sex with strangers. Sex with someone I love… even better.

Raileyx · 2023-10-30T10:15:35+00:00

A lot of guys with high libido prefer staying with the same person. The sex tends to be better that way, as you and your partner know each other really well, and know what exactly the other person likes. At the end of the day most people are monogamic, including high libido men.

Sleeping with an ever growing number of strangers and acquaintances isn't even a good strategy if you seek sexual satisfaction. You have less sex that way too - statistically. So why do it? I suspect that for men it's mostly a social/status thing. Something they were raised to view as desirable, something they do to prove their masculinity and desirability to themselves and others. But if you're a bit more aware, it likely won't appeal to you.

The very best strategy is to match with another high libido person that you have good synergy with. Everything else is far inferior.

Comeino · 2023-10-30T10:48:12+00:00

Sex is dangerous for a woman.

- You can be physically overpowered to do things against your will.

- Potential pregnancy will not only sap the inner resources but has a pretty high chance of death and guaranteed permanent damage.

- Said pregancy may result in a death in case the hook up is of the violent/religious type that want's to keep the baby/not keep the baby. Pregnant women are a major homicide victim statistic.

- Birth Control causing lower libido, weight gain, blood clots and migrains. Some of it being extemely painful and neglected by the medical industry.

- Social disaproval, the potential to lose family/friends/jobs.

- STD's and women generally taking their health more seriously.

- One night stand sex is infamiously mediocre for women and filled with selfish lovers that are terrible in bed. It's just a horrible ROI

- Hormones. Male sexual desire if powered by high doses of testosterone so the need to have sex is so strong that in extreme cases results in desire towards inanimate objects, the dead, animals, trees, fish/reptiles, architecture, machinery, aircraft, limbs, gore, children, unwilling actors, food, etc. It's the lizard brain trying to ensure it's genetic survival to whatever sticks. No doubt women who lived throughout history putting their sexual desires first to their safety have been weeded out due to said dangers. Thank men of the past for that.

ArmariumEspada · 2023-10-30T12:05:01+00:00

Probably because most men aren’t great lovers, so if a woman finds one who can satisfy her sexual needs and satiate her lust, she want to hold onto him for dear life.

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2023-10-30T13:23:47+00:00

Sex is better with someone who knows your body. That's just common sense.

Yongaia · 2023-10-30T13:37:59+00:00

I'm a guy with a high libido, I don't want to fuck 100 different women every night or super models. My ideal partner is another woman who also has a high libido and we are extremely attracted to each other.

Iluvalmonds83 · 2023-10-30T17:17:47+00:00

Safety issues and social consequences aside, IMO having sex with the same person, with whom you share sexual chemistry and an emotional bond is much better than endless one night stands with strangers. Especially if those strangers don’t care about your sexual pleasure during the act.

DreaminInChocolate · 2023-10-30T13:21:14+00:00

If a guy is a manslut or fuckboy or whatever you want to call it, he wants to fuck a hundred different women.

But if a woman is high libido, she will usually still prefer to have one partner and have lots of sex with him every day rather than sex with a different man every night.

You're comparing different things. There are high libido attractive loyal men and women that sleep with hundreds of partners. Sleeping around and libido aren't the same thing.

Cool_Relative7359 · 2023-10-30T11:12:55+00:00

But if a woman is high libido, she will usually still prefer to have one partner and have lots of sex with him every day rather than sex with a different man every night.

The orgasm gap and the risks associated with hetero sex. A woman only has a 15% chance of orgasm in a one night stand with a man. So once you find one who can actually get you off, you want to keep him around. Plus if you get pregnant it makes sense to want to know who with. Less risk of STIs which can affect a woman's reproductive capalities long term. Less social stigma

Is this true, and if so, why is this?

But I don't know if I'd say women prefer monogamy as a Whole more than men do.

I don't. I'm polyamorous, have been for a decade. And I know more polyam women than men. Probably because men's dating challenges tend to be amplified by polyamory and EQ skills and good communication are a bare minimum requirement

WilliamWyattD · 2023-10-30T11:42:39+00:00

They may be related, but libido and sociosexuality (desire for more sexual novelty) are not the same thing. Men tend to be higher in both, but there is overlap, of course. Women are probably more likely to to spike higher in libido than sociosexuality. Beyond that, women are also more selective and face more sexual risk, so even a woman high in libido and sociosexuality might decide to lean into sex drive but not novelty seeking.

AceOfSpadesGymBro · 2023-10-30T10:48:31+00:00

They don't. But it's super hard to find men who are 1. Worthwhile 2. Actually good in bed.

WaitingForTheFire · 2023-10-30T13:48:30+00:00

Monogamy drastically lowers the risk of getting an STD/STI.

If there is an accidental pregnancy, raising the child in a loving two-parent environment is a possibility vs. making the choice of being a single parent or terminating the pregnancy.

These two factors effectively lead to the conclusion that it is easier to have unprotected sex in a responsible way when a person is in a monogamous relationship. It goes without saying that many people prefer the physical sensation and/or spontaneity when condoms are not required.

This is just the reproductive health aspects. I know there are other reasons, but I'm not a woman, so I can't speak from experience.

One last thought. I don't think that monogamy is better than or superior to ethical non-monogamy. There are pros and cons to each.

ironpony88 · 2023-10-30T13:48:58+00:00

I'm a guy with a high libido and I prefer just doing it with one monogamous partner, so I can relate.

TheCondor96 · 2023-10-30T14:50:00+00:00

It's hard for a girl to get her nut from sex if she gets a new partner each time. It's a lot more of a gamble than guys deal with. Why sleep with 7 different guys to orgasm 2 times when you can sleep with the same guy 7 times and orgasm 7 times.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2023-10-30T16:42:53+00:00

Because:

We like good sex where we actually orgasm? A hit it and quit it won't put in the time or effort to give you multiple orgasms before they even penetrate anything.

Less chance of STDs.

More opportunities to try the weird stuff with someone you know is safe.

Emotional connection heightens everything.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-10-30T13:06:26+00:00

In order of risk:

Men get attached and turn into stalkers.

Men have an inordinate amount of uncomfortable fetishes and weird proclivities learned from porn, many of which are uncomfortable or awkward and ruin mutually gratifying sex.

Men have a hair trigger with new lovers because novelty sets them off.

MistyMaisel · 2023-10-30T16:54:49+00:00

A: This isn't true of all high libido women.

B: Let's assume it is generally true, it's because:

Most men suck at sex, so you're better off training one dude to really get you off than crossing your fingers and hoping John Doe #369 gets it right this time.
Men are more dangerous than women so the more men you go through, the higher your chance of getting raped and murdered is.
Pregnancy (enuffsaid)
Female sexuality tends to be reciprocal and triggered especially by emotional connection which is easier to have with a known entity than a series of unknown entities.
Slut shaming is still a thing.

_Ad_Astra_Abyssosque · 2023-10-30T13:05:55+00:00

In my experience, it's the exact same. Women with high libido love to fuck as many men as possible. If they can't, they use toys. I'd say my libido is pretty normal, but I've met women that needed to masturbate daily. My libido is nowhere near that high.

Environmental_Lie561 · 2023-10-30T16:59:58+00:00

Because sex for me is better with the same person. It gets better and you can have more fun. My bf and I both have very high sex drives, he thinks the same way. I don’t know what you guys find fun about sleeping with different people, it’s like starting a show and only watching the pilot episode.

SwaySh0t · 2023-10-30T12:04:15+00:00

Biological imperatives. Men in general have a larger taste for sexual variety the whole “spreading their seed” or this could be further evidenced by porn browser search history. High labido women for the most part are still looking for the highest too tier man that she can get however some high labido women switch up partners like a high labido man would, it’s just less common do to their nature.

Pola_Lita · 2023-10-30T11:17:24+00:00

Our society doesn't approve of women objectifying men or being lustful or putting their own needs (sexual most of all) first. There's also a concern for physical safety as well as pregnancy.

If those things were equal male vs female, I don't doubt that women's libido would really be much different than men's.

Razieloo · 2023-10-30T09:56:43+00:00

Dunno, out of fear of losing the “perfect man” maybe?

Independent-Mail-227 · 2023-10-30T11:02:19+00:00

But if a woman is high libido, she will usually still prefer to have one partner

From where come this idea?

Gari_305 · 2023-10-30T12:00:57+00:00

Is this true, and if so, why is this?

The more sexual partners you have, the more likely you are to be exposed to an STI.

No one wants to deal with super gonorrhea

This is why monogamy despite its issues will always be a thing

nonplussedminus · 2023-10-30T12:07:15+00:00

Because they want a provider, although some women have evolved to extract resources from multiple men in exchange for sexual services (OnlyFans etc)

macone235 · 2023-10-30T10:46:08+00:00

They usually don't. Women with high libidos have elevated oestradiol. These women demand higher value out of a mate to stay long-term, and are much more likely to be unattracted to their partner, have a wandering eye, cheat, be in less committed (short-term) relationships.

daddysgotanew · 2023-10-30T11:12:41+00:00

They don’t. I know some hoes that go through men like tissues.

Most women have a wandering eye, even when they’re with someone. Just like men do. This may come as a shock, but humans aren’t meant to be monogamous.

SecondEldenLord · 2023-10-30T10:09:13+00:00

Dunno where you got that from but women with high libido are not monogamous in general

AntiHypergamist · 2023-10-30T11:43:55+00:00

This ones easy. Women don't have high libido's.

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Peacesquad · 2023-10-30T15:27:53+00:00

It’s biology. Women aren’t designed to spread their eggs far and wide. They’re designed to get security and retain one man and extract resources from that man for themselves and/or their offspring

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-10-30T15:47:17+00:00

Sex with a longterm partner tends to be better than sex you'd get from some random dude who doesn't know you, doesn't know your likes and dislikes, and hasn't figured out which positions work best for the both of you. It can also become tedious finding new people all the time, and there's also the issue of safety. Most guys will be perfectly fine but if you're constantly meeting new guys, the chances of finding a shithead increase.

romantic-rose · 2023-10-30T15:55:57+00:00

I don't think the comments are understanding that the long term benefits of monogamy can be enjoyed in ethical non monogamy and polyamory. Casual sex with no stable long term partner isn't the only alternative to monogamy

ComfortableOk5003 · 2023-10-30T16:04:00+00:00

Probably the inherent risks of pregnancy (some innate thing) as well as women’s nature to try to fuck the best guy not the highest quantity

januaryphilosopher · 2023-10-30T16:52:21+00:00

It's generally ideal for someone with a high libido. Finding someone new to have sex with every time is a lot more effort and ultimately results in having much less sex than just asking your partner if they want to fuck. It's also far less risky, especially if you have sex with a lot of different people increasing the odds one will give you a disease, run off after an accidental pregnancy or attack you. We also want love too.

Bright-Personality70 · 2023-10-30T18:53:20+00:00

I enjoy casual sex and can come quite easily. I like the variation of different partners and the different skillset and styles different men have.

However, when I'm in a monogamous relationship with a man and the sex is really good I just cease thinking about other men.

Basically as long as I'm satisfied, I don't pine after anyone else.

gntlbastard · 2023-10-31T01:20:41+00:00

I'd suspect that people still prefer monogamy because STD's are a thing and not everyone wants to "shout out their status" for having herpes.

IrrungenWirrungen · 2023-10-31T08:10:23+00:00

Because man hoes are disgusting.

Disastrous-Midnight4 · 2023-11-02T16:19:59+00:00

I believe the need for novelty in your sexual partners is an issue that predominantly affects men. It’s called the Coolidge Effect.

It’s the reason why men can easily get aroused over and over again just walking down a sidewalk of a busy city. It’s why men catcall, why men are willing to dole out hundreds of dollars for even the opportunity of sex and why men will make very, very stupid decisions all to get laid.

While one cannot exclude the possibility that women don’t also fancy making new connections every now and then, women’s need for novel sexual partners seems to be much, much lower to frankly non-existent.

From a biology point of view, this all makes sense: 1) Men produce millions of fresh sperm cells each day - not too keep Kleenex in business. Women have a much more finite number of egg cells that are released just once a month 2) Sexual gratification on average is much easier and quicker to attain for men than women. 3) The biological stakes of sex are much greater for women than for men.

Finally, imagine women with their hundreds and thousands of potential mates on dating platforms getting horny over every single guy that matches them. What world would we live in!?

EllieBabyBumpK30 · 2023-11-06T17:33:53+00:00

IMO, peeps with high sex drive vibe better with familiar partners cuz they understand each other’s needs. Shackin' up with new peeps ain’t the answer to max sexual satisfaction, more like a social validation thing. To max out, find your vibe-match. Anything else isn’t as good. In a nutshell, don't mix quick flings with quality pleasure.

Title	Why do even women with high libidos prefer monogamy or sex with just one partner?
Author	dbz__f
Upvotes	0
Comments	158
Date	October 30, 2023 9:44 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17jpnne/why_do_even_women_with_high_libidos_prefer/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-even-women-with-high-libidos-prefer.1236640 https://theredarchive.com/post/1236640

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