Why Having an Obsessed Partner Is Actually an Advantage

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-06-16T12:27:58+00:00

In a world where love often feels conditional, that kind of blind devotion is a weird but real power move.

Love IS conditional. And it is no less conditional in a partner who is obsessed with you. Obsession is an intense psychological state marked by compulsive attention, emotional fixation, and intrusive thoughts about a person. While it may feel unconditional because of its intensity, obsession is fundamentally driven by specific needs, insecurities, or idealizations. If your behavior, appearance, availability, or emotional responses change significantly, the obsessive love often becomes unstable. Jealousy, anger, or withdrawal can follow. This reveals that their attachment was contingent on you fulfilling a certain role or emotional function, not on accepting you unconditionally as a full person.

True unconditional love is differentiated by acceptance that persists even in the absence of gratification, control, or idealization. Obsession, by contrast, is inherently self-referential and thus always conditional.

That you want such a parnter speaks volumes to your own issues.

toasterchild · 2025-06-16T12:48:19+00:00

I don't have to be perfect to be with a normal person either.

attendquoi · 2025-06-16T12:58:54+00:00

Like so many things on this sub, this is an opinion grounded in desperation. I'd rather be alone than have this kind of person in my life.

GrandpaDallas · 2025-06-16T13:26:05+00:00

I would find this to be a nightmare.

Also, to think that someone who is obsessed with you would let you drop to bare minimum standards is a wild suspicion.

Lysa_Bell · 2025-06-16T12:46:16+00:00

I had a gf once that would cry when I didn't respond to a text of her in 5 minutes. She was hating on my friends and family. She wanted me around all the time. When I didn't feel like cuddling because it was too hot she would cry and say I didn't love her anymore. When I didn't want to have Sex she would hide in the bathroom and scream how I dont find her attractive anymore. If I didn't respond to her for a couple of hours she would blow up my phone and demand I tell her who I was with and where. She got angry that I didn't post a picture of us together on the same day we took the pic on my social media.

At the end of that relationship I was completely exhausted. She threatened to off herself if I break up with her.

You don't want an obsessed partner.

justdontsashay · 2025-06-16T12:51:46+00:00

I’ve had obsessed partners, this is clearly written by someone who hasn’t and is just romanticizing the idea without any understanding of reality.

“The kind of person who checks your “last seen” on WhatsApp like it’s their full-time job” is also the kind of person who is constantly questioning you and demanding you account for every second of your time, who gets jealous of your friends and family if they get any of your time.

It’s the kind of person who gradually becomes abusive when you inevitably don’t live up to the total fantasy version of yourself that exists in their head.

Romantic love is (and should be) conditional. I don’t understand why there’s this obsession here with “unconditional love” for a partner, a relationship absolutely should be conditional on whether you both are happy with each other and being treated well.

klaire_bear_ · 2025-06-16T17:40:47+00:00

Why would a woman be this obsessed with you?

Like what do you have that would make it so?

Maybe I'm reading it wrong but it sounds like you want to do nothing, make no effort, offer nothing in return and just be adored...for nothing? This seems like a very unrealistic fantasy

anonymousppd123123 · 2025-06-16T12:33:39+00:00

I have a rescue dog who's this obsessed with me. It took 3 years with her until I was able to go on a vacation. Also had an ex like this who viewed my hobbies and friends as competition and did her best to separate me from them

This is something you think you want until you get it

freekin-bats11 · 2025-06-16T13:45:22+00:00

Other people explained the obvious well (why obsession is actually toxic) but Id like to add you def dont want someone who treats you as perfect even when you are behaving and performing poorly in your life. Thats enabling you to be unhealthy, below your potential, and potentially toxic as a person. A partner should want you to be at your best and help you thrive in your life as you do the same for them.

A one sided relationship like youre describing can easily become toxic or abusive (particularly emotionally). Wanting your partner to be practically devoted to you unconditionally seems more like wanting a devotee to treat you as prophet or master or even a god, rather than a partner whos passionate about loving you. Its is a power imbalance that could be potentially exploited, and like other people here explained very eloquently, the obsessed partner—whos obsession is very much not conditional—would likely be emotionally manipulative and even abusive to you. Theyll idealize you beyond recognition and that in itself is dehumanizing.

I used to think id want someone whos obsessed w me, and I still kid that I do bc it makes for great hyperbolic jokes, but I realize I dont the more I value myself: my space, my privacy, my joys in life, my potential, my humanity. But someone whos obsessed w me wouldnt care about any of that for my sake. And to me thats not love.

Routine-Present-3676 · 2025-06-16T18:09:18+00:00

What kind of scrub shit is this? It's one thing if your partner loses their job and you help them out while they're looking for a new one, but a grown man thinking they're going to fuck off in MY home all day while I'm working my ass off is laughable.

Love is conditional. Y'all need to deal with that.

EulenWatcher · 2025-06-16T12:23:06+00:00

It’s all fun and games until your obsessive partner wants you to cut off all your family members or throws a tantrum, because a waiter/waitress smiled at you.

I think obsessiveness to this level plays well only in art and fantasies. Real people get scary and demanding when they’re this level of obsessive, and they tend to care about their own obsession more than about the object of their obsession.

On another note, “blind devotion” is just not the way you should expect or want your partner to treat you.

Present-Interest-975 · 2025-06-16T12:35:29+00:00

The only unconditional love should be the love that a parent has for their child (and even then, I guess that I understand adults who would stop loving their child if they became a serial killer). Nobody else deserves to be loved unconditionally, in any dynamic, and you should not love someone with no conditions.

p_fulga · 2025-06-16T12:40:04+00:00

People like this may sound fun in theory but.. they're not good. A little selfishness and monopolizing is healthy, but full consuming obsession like this does not end well. You will be cut off from family. From friends. Just talking to a waiter or liking a post online will be met with extreme jealousy and vitriol. You could set them off just because someone came up to talk to you. And I mean full on violence, full on destruction of your treasures things. There is no privacy, no moment to yourself, no allowance on even giving off a slightly weird look. Like if you're feeling unwell, if that gets misinterpreted? Vitriol yet again.

And if you ever get sick of it and start to resent any of it, the iron grip will just get tighter and tighter trying to squeeze the resistance out of you. And if they ever snap enough from it, and this doesn't even require something like a break up just even a single fight back could be enough, they will grow more and more abusive. They may even kill you. It happens a lot with people that deranged.

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-06-16T13:47:11+00:00

Because you don’t have to be perfect.

You do have to be perfect, just in a different way. You have to be perfectly attentive. You have to give him things to monitor, because if all of his thoughts are on you, then the moment you give him nothing to think about, he'll make up stuff about you to think about. And he will ruminate on those things. That's where the jealousy of stalkers comes from.

Ok_Use7 · 2025-06-16T14:33:18+00:00

This isn’t reality. It’s actually miserable to date people who are like this. Obsession is unhealthy and you’re completely mistaken on its realities.

It’s not blind devotion. It’s watching and analyzing your every move, demanding unfettered access to your privacy, wanting to go through your phone. The list goes on.

lesliecarbone · 2025-06-16T12:30:12+00:00

That is my nightmare.

MyLastBestChance · 2025-06-16T12:43:52+00:00

So…you want a real live participation trophy?

No thanks. I prefer not to associate with delusional people, much less use those delusional people as an excuse to do the bare minimum and slack through life.

Also, if that doesn’t sway you, maybe consider what happens when the switch flips and that person demonizes you…not going to be pleasant…

Gravel_Roads · 2025-06-16T12:52:40+00:00

That doesn’t sound ideal at all, I like that my partner is part of the checks and balances that keeps my standards high and inspires me to be the best person I can be.

My partner has very high standards; they’re OCD and very smart. If I slip, they will be there nipping at my heels, and my life is so much better for it.

LaFrescaTrumpeta · 2025-06-16T17:57:04+00:00

they have a name for this already it’s called an anxious attachment style lol

TheCounsellingGamer · 2025-06-16T19:04:30+00:00

I had one of these "obsessed partners," and you're forgetting one very important part. The obsession isn't coming from a place of love or devotion but control. They're not checking whatsapp because they just love you so much, but because they want you to know that you have no privacy or freedom. They give compliments that are actually insults in disguise. My ex once said to me, "You're so pretty that I worry that you'll choose to be with someone else, but then I remember that no one else will love you because of your health issues."

Since this is all about control and not love, when you don't do what they want, it can be like a flip was switched. If you take too long to reply to their message, they won't just shrug that off. They'll scream and shout. Whatever insecurities you have, they will target those. They may even physically harm you. They'll squash you down until you feel so worthless that you'll take whatever they do to you because you believe that you deserve it.

Does that still sound like a relationship you would want?

Ludens0 · 2025-06-16T19:40:21+00:00

I, as a man, have had that.

It is fucking terrible.

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-06-16T19:51:01+00:00

What you fail to realize is the obsession isn’t about you, it’s something they are compelled to do. That means their eye can and will shift, and when it does watch out.

Hoombus · 2025-06-16T12:54:03+00:00

Wtf man no this isnt healthy and is a major red flag, you should avoid people like this.

I also reported the post because this is terrible purple pill advice, obsession in relationships is not healthy.

TonytheNetworker · 2025-06-16T13:08:23+00:00

I'm going to go against the grain and say I (mostly) agree with you. Is it technically healthy? No... but who gives a crap. I want a woman that sees me as a trophy obsession be dammed. 🤷🏽

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Bewiz_Lisa · 2025-06-16T15:20:21+00:00

Hmm. I sort of want to weigh in on this and sort of don't. Like, I'm not exactly sure if my husband is obsessed with me or not. He says he is (but he may not really be serious? but he's the sort of person that does tend to get obssessed with things in general so maybe he is serious?) but he for sure does NOT stalk me (at least not that I'm aware of and honestly, I'm boring as shit, anyone can stalk me and would totally quit of their own accord within days because zzzzzzzzz). But it is actually nice being with someone who is totally willing to tell you whenever you want that you you are incredibly attractive, intelligent, wonderful, and have limitless potential even when you're like, laid low with some serious issue or you're not actually succeeding your best in life right at that moment or etc. But is that "obsession?" Or you know, just love, like lots of love? (also, what if I change and I'm not so attractive or wonderful anymore? I'm not totally sure what's triggering all this admiration now so it could totally change and I wouldn't realize it, lol)

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-06-16T18:17:13+00:00

Essentially more attraction > less attraction, it would be strange if someone thought “you know I wish my partner were less attracted to me.”

Eloy89 · 2025-06-16T19:28:56+00:00

You say this now, but as others have mentioned, they eventually want to always know where you are, become jealous of who you hang out with without them, constantly message you and call you etc. You have no room to breathe.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-06-16T19:50:29+00:00

Well it looks like you don't even try to bring something of value in a relationship. I am not sure if you will bring a good advertisment for you

torytho · 2025-06-16T20:20:03+00:00

It's an advantage if you want to lead a cult or abuse them or take advantage of them. It's a disadvantage for a healthy, copacetic relationship.

lolfowl · 2025-06-16T20:21:23+00:00

judging by the first few comment threads, u either have serious problems you need to get sorted out, or this is excellent ragebait

ThrowRABigStoveTV · 2025-06-16T21:48:25+00:00

Obsession doesn’t mean they love you more.

More often than not it reflects something within them.

Open-Quail-2573 · 2025-06-16T22:00:10+00:00

This is highly, highly unrealistic. I'm sorry to burst your bubble but the only people in this world who MIGHT (big might) love you unconditionally is your mom or dad. My mom would love me even if I was a total bum, unemployed and playing games all day. But that's obviously not what she wants for me. Romantic love has conditions. Even I would fall out of love eventually if the woman I'm with switches up and starts doing shitty things I don't approve of. Goes both ways.

DankuTwo · 2025-06-16T22:21:16+00:00

Semi-obsessed can be great. TRULY obsessed is legitimately scary. No good.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2025-06-16T23:04:49+00:00

I mean I personally don’t love abusive relationships, but you do you.

Aggressive-Error-88 · 2025-06-17T01:24:25+00:00

Yikes. This post honestly reads more tragic than romantic.

You talk about wanting someone obsessed with you, devoted to the point of losing themselves, but never once mention what you’re offering in return. Not respect, not reciprocity, not even basic emotional consideration.

As someone who has loved deeply , loyally, with my whole heart and soul, singularly- maybe not to that point of obsession but where I literally don’t care that anyone else exists. I can tell you it’s not a fairytale if that love is being consumed by one partner like an all-you-can-eat buffet while the other person starves. That kind of one-sided obsession only works in your fantasy because you’re imagining it without responsibility.

If you want someone who’s “24/7” for you, that person has needs too. They’re not just your hype machine or emotional support animal. They’re human. And if your only excitement is about receiving that love and never reflecting it back, then yeah, you’re not talking about love. You’re talking about ownership. Control. POWER.

Blind devotion isn’t a power move if the person on the receiving end doesn’t know how to cherish it. It’s just exploitation dressed up in fancy words.

A move like this is only beautiful when it’s reciprocated.

onlyaseeker · 2025-06-17T08:00:33+00:00

There's a difference between attraction, investment, neuroticism, and maturity.

You want high attraction and maturity. Investment can vary.

You want low neuroticism. If you disagree, live with someone who has high neuroticism. You will either leave or they will f*ck you up.

More information:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=Vh0hj9ZD9FY

https://youtu.be/O-y2mj3bC_c

https://youtube.com/watch?v=kse87ocS0Uo

BobtheArcher2018 · 2025-06-17T09:04:09+00:00

Obsession covers a lot of ground, much of it toxic. Beyond that, there are gendered issues. It's better for the woman to be the more obsessed (whatever that means exactly), if someone has to be. Obsessed men trigger safety alarms in women. Also, they trigger weakness detectors: Why is he so focused on me? Doesn't he have shit to do? Doesn't he have a full life? Is he a loser? Do I have all the power now? Why are my panties suddenly so dry?

InitialAd4125 · 2025-06-17T13:18:59+00:00

Sounds to me you want a yandere.

LilQuackerz · 2025-06-17T16:20:51+00:00

I think this is an AI generated post

Steakman1 · 2025-06-16T13:02:55+00:00

This concept only works if you have no desire to do anything outside of your life besides being with them. This level obsession is not healthy and will stem from some insecurity or other flaw in your partner. And that flaw will inevitably show at some point when your own life interferes with your attention towards them. Whether that be hanging out with your friends resulting in you taking longer to respond, working late, having a stressful day and wanting to be alone for a little bit, or whatever else.

melitini · 2025-06-16T20:41:09+00:00

…. dude this is narcissistic af. Do better.

Putrid-Storage-9827 · 2025-06-16T13:10:49+00:00

Thanks ChatGPT!

Title	Why Having an Obsessed Partner Is Actually an Advantage
Author	Affectionate_Fig1683
Upvotes	11
Comments	138
Date	June 16, 2025 8:51 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1lcnu3f/why_having_an_obsessed_partner_is_actually_an/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-having-an-obsessed-partner-is-actually-an.1554910 https://theredarchive.com/post/1554910

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