Dating post divorce

AttemptScary4550 · 2024-01-29T05:55:16+00:00

Crossfire. You'll find fit beautiful women who are there just to find a man. Guy running my Xs crossfire gym got all he wanted. My 50 year old buddy nabbed a very attractive 35 year old. No women is sane but on the crazy vs hotbscale you'll find some reasonable ones in person at a nearby crossfire gym and yoga classes!

Railen2 · 2024-01-27T21:15:38+00:00

I honestly believe in meeting people organically. I don’t do the dating sites. Don’t really look for somebody to cling onto. Just try to work on yourself and people really just come into your life, you make the conscious decision to keep them around. But going out and just talking to people is really my approach. It works well just find some common ground and don’t be in your head too much. You gotta heal from your last relationship, so you can find the partner you actually want.

Imsosadsoveryverysad · 2024-01-24T22:43:16+00:00

Stay patient man. Keep your standards. You’ve had the married (maybe with kids?) life already. You’re not in a rush to create that fantasy anymore.

I have found some really, really good women by being patient. I’m talking about way out of my league. The first one my ex wife was hating and did her best to kill it. She won. I was concerned I wouldn’t be able to find another good one like the first. I found 2 more really good ones after that, even if not as good of a match as the first so far.

Point being, I was/am happy with all 3. I’m not out here to sleep around and catch something where my dick falls off. Im patient so some people will say 3 good matches that’s it? And laugh. Quality vs quantity for me. It’s worth the patience in my book.

Edit: all my female friends (I have a lot, always have) tell me what they come across on apps. I’m telling you dude, just be a good dude who can have a conversation and be respectful. You’ll pull whatever you want.

druid_enacla · 2024-01-24T15:21:12+00:00

The times have changed for sure. Much of 'dating' has all gone online now, but it doesn't mean we're doomed! I want to recommend a book for you to read that helped me out a GREAT deal after my wife left. I was always the geeky/nerdy guy growing up and still am to a degree. I could always think back to situations I just cringe at where I was completely oblivious to openings girls would create for me. After reading this book, I saw more, MANY more situations I simply missed because I just didn't know. I still have much to learn of course, but it even helped me see MY part in my marriage. I'm not saying it showed me it was my fault or hers as it was both; just that I could see my part in all of it. Had I read this book earlier it might have even saved my marriage. Course, if I would have read this book before I got married... I don't think I would have married her in the first place, lol. The book is called 'How to Be a 3% Man (Winning the Heart of the Woman of Your Dreams)' by Corey Wayne.

Make no mistake: this is not a "players" book. It's a book about staying true to your masculine core as a man, defining the kind of woman you want, and how to develop & maintain a healthy relationship with that women. Notice I didn't use the word 'pursue'. Women do not want to be chased (even if they say they do). The book changed a lot of my outlook on life in general and it's all been for the better. Every guy I've gotten to read this has thanked me afterwards. I wish you the best of luck man! Let go of the past (cuz you can't change it) and work towards the future YOU want! ^_^ Cheers!

MandoRealtor · 2024-01-24T13:34:14+00:00

Online dating is a joke. I tried it after my ex left me. Went on a few dates but was being taken advantage of for my money so I gave up.

Personally, I'd say get off online dating. Find a hobby and find people who are interested in the same hobbies. Worked for me.

smooth-vegetable-936 · 2024-01-24T08:29:57+00:00

Yeah. I gave up. I finding dating is really difficult and different. The standards that most females want is imaginary and most have been brainwashed by everything they see on these stupid social medias. Another problem I was facing , there are so many fake ppl out there and thieves trying to scam u. Another problem is that if she knows ur financially doing well, she might try to get pregnant bcs the law is terrible and u will end up paying for it. Just too many risks. I gave up and deleted everything. My x didn’t cheat and I didn’t. We r back together without marriage and working things out but out finances r separate but we still taking care of our daughters. Now it’s sooo easier to just walk away bcs the law doesn’t have to be involved whatsoever. But If this doesn’t work out again one day, I much rather concentrate on other things than waisting my time trying to find a partner.

Sthompson1965 · 2024-01-24T06:23:38+00:00

How long has it been since you have been divorced? Since you starting dating?

mostly80smusic · 2024-01-24T05:42:21+00:00

Switch it up and date some dudes.

idiskfla · 2024-01-24T05:19:46+00:00

Your problem is you’re looking for 8s. Just starting having fun with 4s, because marriage is no longer a question, right?

Right?!

hairy_russian · 2024-01-24T05:13:20+00:00

Are you in a suburban are?

1percentRolexWinner · 2024-01-24T03:47:24+00:00

OP did you get her over from another country, gave her a green card and she cheated on you?

xxkrazxx · 2024-01-24T03:27:58+00:00

I have a blast dating, even though the vast majority of women I meet are complete shitshows. I take some mushrooms and just enjoy the show! Get laid every now and then. Of course, Im not looking for any type of relationship. Good Luck!!!

Insertpickle · 2024-01-24T00:43:34+00:00

Man it is a shit show out here. I just downloaded tinder and hollyyy shit this is funny. I have been meeting many women from my new hobby/business but dam clown world

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2024-01-24T00:08:34+00:00

It was a shitshow when I got divorced 10 years ago, but things are a whole different game now.

The apps are a disaster except for the top 5–10 percent. That’s on what women perceive as top, as the notorious OKC study found that women do not grade on a bell curve as men do. That is also a looks-based market, which is shallow by nature.

I have dated very sparingly post-divorce. My job and my kids take up the lion’s share of my time, so what is leftover is premium time. I got to resenting my last ex because she demanded more of that time than I was willing to give her.

CRobinsFly · 2024-01-23T23:21:11+00:00

My friend, I made a post like this the other day in another sub. It's even worse when you have at least one child too.

I'm done with attempting to "date". JuCo/Sugar Babies only from now, they're the better deal anyway.

To take a step back, I actually get a rather large number of "matches" on the dating apps. Much more than I ever remember getting in my late 20s and early 30s before. I'm 35M, fit, make as much as some doctors as an engineer... anyway, once these women find out that I have a 3yo that I have some custody of and pay some child support on (5% of my takehome, while it'd be a lot for some it's actually quite inconsequential), they instantly send a "yeah that's a deal breaker for me" they don't care to ever learn the actual details - no contact with your kid, 1/mo, 35% custody, 50% - if they don't have the potential to steal 100% of a new child support obligation from you, they are not interested. Nevermind that they would be splitting an already large CS with my other child, if they had another one of my kids (and they won't because I got snipped and they won't ever know). If they didn't want to, they wouldn't even meet my daughter, but I would be "unavailable" sometimes. Several of those women "wanted children" in their mid to late 30s - hilarious because they apparently still think they will find a high-value man to give them a child.

This experience contrasts severely with what happened before I had custody and I was just not mentioning that I had a kid and presented myself as childless. Sure what I did was deceptive but at the time, my kid lived 1200mi away and I was certain these women would never meet my child so it didn't matter- and none ever figured it out. Rejections under those circumstances were almost nonexistent, now I'm approaching 100% rejections and the only women interested already have other kids (single moms) and even they are stupidly flakey, like you're experiencing.

Just go Free Agent Lifestyle.

Yankuba3 · 2024-01-23T23:07:40+00:00

I tried dating on and off for 36 months. Three relationships. Maybe one date every six weeks. I was picky and very impressed with most of the women (NYC/Long Island) but the ones I really liked didn’t like me and vice versa.

Now, I am taking a break. Dating is a lot of time (and drama) and I know numerous people age 40 to 50 who have never been married despite 100s of dates so I am pessimistic re: finding my person. I am also VERY busy (job, kids, volunteering, health/wellness, chores). I was told that eventually I would enjoy my time off and not feel empty (or a hole) when I am alone and now I think I am there.

nyghtrider · 2024-01-23T23:01:55+00:00

I didn’t read the above posts so maybe this was stated. Read dating advice for men by Robert Glover. While I was in whore mode I was dating 4 at once and rotated through them…. Not recommended in hindsight.

And just talk to everyone. Even if not interested or incorrect gender. Practice practice practice

MomentSpecialist2020 · 2024-01-23T22:19:22+00:00

Women use dating apps for validation, entertainment, and free dinners. They look at dating apps as a fun thing to do. Improve yourself and go out into the real world. You’ll meet people and women. Do the things you enjoy doing.

No-Exit6560 · 2024-01-23T21:41:32+00:00

The dating world today is like a giant dumpster fire thanks to the apps, social media and onlyfans.

Just try to have some fun.

Most-Ad2879 · 2024-01-23T19:17:40+00:00

1) Why are you discussing your love life and hers with the ex-wife? Do you want to be miserable? (Also, hypocrisy may not mean what you think it means. I don't see how she's being hypocritical, but I digress.)

2) Dating sites may require trial and error. Your photos may suck. Just because you didn't have success for a week doesn't mean you can't in the future. Your photos probably suck. Tweak your bio to see if you get better results. Your photo almost certainly suck. Get a professional to take your photos as yours 100% without a doubt suck. (Unless a pro or a friend with a pro-level camera took them.)

3) Women on dating sites are mostly chasing the top 10% of men. And those top 10% of men will happily have sex with multiple average women, but they aren't willing to be in a long term relationship with them. If it makes you feel any better, know that if your ex-wife is out hooking up with guys but in the long run she may be in for a rough road.

This has been going on forever. Some of my old fraternity buddies were real 'face men' (I think that's a term of the 90s) and dated all the hot sororities girls, but in between steady girlfriends they would absolutely pick up some ugly girls at last call and then be embarrassed and sneak them out of the frat house the next morning hoping no one would see.

The difference today is the top guys have access to meeting virtually every single woman in the city via the apps. So the "problem" is exacerbated.

You need to strive to maximize your attractiveness and status, the latter of which is hard to convey online. But your profile needs to be the best it can be. I'd hire a dating coach or someone to tweak my profile before I gave up.

3) You say you aren't good with social interactions and you went overseas to find your last wife, so I'm really worried about your self-confidence. I hear some self-limiting beliefs. Tons of books have been written that would serve you. "Models" by Mark Manson and "Dating Essentials for Men" by Robert Glover are two that come to mind, but you might need to start at baby steps and just learn to talk to women. The old Pick Up Artist (PUA) community was mostly toxic, but I think 90% of what most "gurus" did was get nervous guys to be less anxious with women. As I understand it, a staple of the boot camps was "go talk to 10 women tonight." It's not Jedi mind tricks. Is that the level you are at?

Dakeddit · 2024-01-23T18:26:58+00:00

Went on one date. Was told she wanted a 2nd. Ghosted me. Love it.

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2024-01-23T18:16:17+00:00

Similar experience as you man, it just is what it is. They are getting a million dudes messaging them so it's just like going to the buffet for any woman, it doesn't mean the dudes are quality, just thirsty. As a buddy told me "there are a whole bunch of verbal peacocks out there", doesn't mean 'ol Neck Tattoo guy is a winner in real life.

1). Ignore your cheating ex-wife, no matter how much sausage she is getting, no quality dude will buy her "we just grew apart" line or whatever crap she says. Until then, she will be a pump and dump queen.

2). Play the numbers but try not to get sucked into the apps. I did and it became an obsession. Watch the family guy episode where Quagmire discovers Tinder.....

3). You are going to be sifting through a lot of mud to find rocks, then sifting through the rocks to find one gold nugget. Even then.....

My advice as a dude that is 1.5 years past divorce. I did the dating thing, had a short term deal and ended it with the new lady. She just became a time suck and I wanted a little bit more free time. I may open up the apps again later this year but I have some very specific goals (financial, personal, health) and also want more time with my kids. Enjoy your free time and try not to get sucked into thinking you are some sort of outcast or failure for not having a partner. It's kind of nice being able to do what I want and not get harped on.

whiskey_piker · 2024-01-23T18:15:57+00:00

Your lack of confidence is the issue. They can see it a mile away. This dating isn’t fair / involuntary celibate vibe is a dead end.

I(52) found a much younger gorgeous woman (about 15yrs younger at the time) that is the most attractive and intelligent woman I’ve been around. When we vacation she can be dressed in a small bikini or covered head to toe and still people stop and stare. What I failed to understand before being with a woman this visually attractive is the sheer volume of low quality attention they receive in a day. So when someone like you finally screws up your courage enough to stutter out a “gee you’re pretty” as if it’s some rare gift you are bestowing, she’s already heard that 100x that day from your mirror image. It offers her nothing and it is tiring.

Through work and social life I put myself in many disparate groups of people so I interact w/ a high volume and diversity of women. I couldn’t care less if she’s a Barista or a VP; I will open her and engage. I used walk straight up to the hottest woman in the room and engage her. They don’t go out w/ many men because the majority don’t have any confidence so they can’t even ask them out and even if they did ask her out, they just don’t offer anything they’d want.

So yes, plenty of us are involved with younger extremely attractive women post divorce because we are actually out there interacting with women.

Do you know what is attractive to all women? Being a confident, capable man that is emotionally grounded and understands how to check his ego. Start being that everyday and your luck will change.

BaldieGoose · 2024-01-23T17:51:52+00:00

Man maybe the location, what area of the country?

I'm in a major metropolitan area and it's like a buffet.

Have you tried Bumble? It's awesome because the women are forced to message first so there's more interest when they reach out.

captainchippsixx · 2024-01-23T17:48:56+00:00

Dude. She will be going through the pump and dump and all the same shit from guys. Don’t look for a partner. Focus on your career and grind.

Take the dating apps as a distraction and not serious. You also get what you put in to the apps. You really need to have quite a few going at the same time. And if you’re doing all few apps? Might want to change that as well.

Watch strong successful male.

Meatros · 2024-01-23T17:45:13+00:00

Dude, you're chasing fantasy comparisons. Finding someone you click with is difficult - I think you're doing the right thing. You're having conversations and trying to find someone that fits. That's difficult.

As to your ex, just ignore her. Who gives a sturdy shit what she's doing? Certainly, you shouldn't.

I was on dating sites, not finding anyone I cared to know, and in the mean time I actually stumbled upon a discord server (spawned from a Subreddit), where I met my fiancé. I wasn't on that server to find a partner, and neither was she. We were on there because we both have children. We got to talking and just never stopped.

Point is, maybe you simultaneously broaden what you're doing, and take the pressure off. Join some groups that participate in activities you like. Join them because you want to, not because you're looking for a partner. In the process, you might find one - but even if you don't, you'll undoubtably find people to share in activities you like.

bk2747 · 2024-01-23T17:43:06+00:00

First of all, nothing she says or does should “enrage” you. You brought a foreign woman back to the US, probably on a K1. You broke the cardinal rule of dating overseas so all of whatever went down is 100% on you.

Secondly, why do you have any contact whatsoever with your ex? Block her and get on with your life.

Third, are you debt free? Is your house paid off? Have you recovered emotionally? Have you taken care of yourself post divorce? These are things that need to be squared away before you date.

Lastly, if you want someone who shares similar interests, you will find that person at a location doing the same thing as you and you just have to let it flow naturally. All this surfing dating sites and getting mad, you’re not ready for a relationship. Stay single and focus on yourself for a few years.

jimsmythee · 2024-01-23T17:32:23+00:00

I've been out of the dating market for almost 6 years now, when I got remarried.

But damn, it was frustrating with online dating.

First you had to weed out the scammers. I swear, 50% of the profiles are foreign scammers.

Second, you have to weed out the time-wasters. These are women too skittish for whatever reason to actually (gasp) go out on dates. Some are in relationships, but they just want the attention they get from dating apps.

Third? You have to weed out the drunks, the pill poppers, the pot heads and the princesses.

Forth? You have to weed out the ones with money problems, the ones in a church to get new members, the ones that make bad choices, etc.

Not a lot left after that.

Reflog1791 · 2024-01-23T17:28:19+00:00

You are doing it wrong. I did it wrong for awhile and then I figured out how to get dates.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2024-01-23T16:56:50+00:00

I gave hinge bumble and tinder a try for a month and I deleted all of them it’s a waste of time, tried arranging for a meet up and they’re all flakes, they’re just too many guys on there. So for now I’m content with spending time on my hobbies and my dog

Classic_Dill · 2024-01-23T16:52:26+00:00

Your biggest problem is...you.

You're in competition with your ex wife over dating? there are more men on dating apps then women, and dating apps put men at a crazy bad disadvantage, your real partner is going to take time to arrive, compatibility is very rare, stop competing with her, you actually think its easier for men to find women, then it is for women to find men? much easier for women, relax , be patient, be you and youll find someone, i have had a few close calls i thought would be an LTR, but caught most lying or dealing with validation issues.

needbetterdays1 · 2024-01-23T16:27:58+00:00

I want to offer a glimmer of hope from what I’ve seen personally around me, I’m not divorced but have a lot of close friends that have gone through it already. Woman at first get the bag of dicks and all that excitement but in the long run the men that didn’t let divorce ruin them but came back as a different version of themselves, like a ultimate 2.0 …. Had way more options. I’m talking way more. These guys are living their ultimate lives now and I’m so happy for them.

Adorable_FecalSpray · 2024-01-23T16:25:47+00:00

Dude, stop talking about anything of this with your Ex. That is SO weird!

azwildcat74 · 2024-01-23T16:25:35+00:00

Your last paragraph explains it all. If you’re awkward with people it doesn’t matter how much you earn or what you look like.

Training_Ad1368 · 2024-01-23T16:16:59+00:00

You will never find someone that matches your interests. A more realistic option it is to find someone who is relatively agreeable then there is flexibility and negotiation grounds.

Until you find that just pump and dump dude.

New-Amoeba9042 · 2024-01-23T16:16:05+00:00

Definitely my experience. My ex cheated overseas, came back, left, and was immediately drowning in dick. Being an attractive women in her 30s with no kids made life her buffet, sexually. Plenty of ‘travel favors’ as she blew divorce money seeing the world, plenty of OLD, plenty of men at work willing to ‘simp’ for her, eventually moving in and saying she’s going to marry one.

Much harder for a man, always is sadly. Relationships are where double standards are most alive and well, some good for one sex, others good for the other. For men, finding sex partners will never be as easy as it is for women.

My OLD experience is like yours. Lots of dry or odd outing conversations, when I turned those into dates it was bad with women in my age range (37). And I’m in good shape, 5’11, fit enough to go to Marine OSC last year (that’s another story), full head of hair, decent job, nice house, maybe too easygoing.

I’ve only been out with on younger woman, but despite her claims, the ‘ho phase’ seems to be a rite of passage these days that can’t be denied. (And I believe it’s after effects colored my interactions with women my age)

FriezaBlack87 · 2024-01-23T16:12:40+00:00

Stop looking for love on the internet. Internet dating is for finding fuck buddies. Fix your wardrobe, give yourself a makeover. Find you an ugly freak to fuck on in the meantime until you find someone you want. The ugly freak will keep your needs met, while you date around. Your biggest issue at the moment is you’re not getting your dick wet and that’s killing your self confidence.

Sacramentardo · 2024-01-23T16:12:25+00:00

I’ve heard that tinder is the worst and that you’ll have more luck on Hinge or some of the others. In many cities tinder is 10/1 male to female, so…

Interesting_Stress28 · 2024-01-23T16:08:51+00:00

I’m in this process as well. I think time and patience is something I’m trying to keep in mind for myself. Rather not rush in put myself in the same situation again. Although I agree dating apps are harder for males no matter what

To_Shrug · 2024-01-23T16:06:22+00:00

The fizzling conversations are certainly a thing. But, I think that is supposed to happen. If there is nothing there, people disengage and people move on.

For me, I've not had much of an issue finding people to date. I'm decent looking and in shape as well. I live in a bigger city too.

However, I've adjusted what I'm looking for physically. I don't care if someone is a gorgeous, 115 lbs with curves in all the right places any longer. I'm now much more interested in personality, interests and humor. Don't get me wrong, I need to be attracted to the ladies i'm with, however, i've readjusted my standards to highlight stuff that matters more to me now (conversation, fun, shared interests) and less on physical knockouts. Dating has been a lot of fun this time around!

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2024-01-23T16:00:56+00:00

Why are you discussing this with your ex?

Post your profile for review on r/Tinder

Title	Dating post divorce
Author	slow-motion-pearls
Upvotes	34
Comments	108
Date	January 23, 2024 3:48 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/19drefb/dating_post_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dating-post-divorce.1243602 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243602

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