Own Your Shit Weekly - February 02, 2021

good_looking_man · 2021-02-02T13:36:14+00:00

OYS # 19

Me: 47 yrs. Wife: 47 yrs. Married 21 Years. Together 27 years. 2 teenage daughters.

Weight: 196 lbs
Height: 5’11
BP: 235 LBS x 8 reps ~~(Advanced Goal: 230 lbs x 8 reps)~~
Squat: 315.0 LBS x 8 reps ~~(Advanced Goal: 305 lbs x 8 reps)~~
OHP: 152.5 LBS x 8 reps ~~(Advanced Goal: 150 lbs x 8 reps)~~
DL: 350.0 LBS x 8 reps ~~(Advanced Goal: 350 lbs x 8 reps)~~
Bent-Over Row: 190 lbs x 8 reps ~~(Advanced Goal: 185 x 8 reps)~~

Sidebar: Pretty much everything.

Lifting:

Officially hit my goal of reaching advanced level in all my lifts. My next goal is exceptional level by end of the year. I made a lot of improvement in this area in a very short time. I’m not going to increase any weight for about 3 weeks to give myself some time to adjust.

Diet:

Vertical Diet and Creatine. A pound more than last week.

Game:

My experiment at the office is over. Like lifting, I achieved the goal I wanted and I’ll set another one eventually. I’m not afraid or anxious of women anymore. Last year I felt so uncomfortable just walking by women in the hallway because I didn’t know what to do or how to act. Now I wonder why I was even fearful in the first place. Now I need to try this stuff out more in the real world.

The horny lady has backed off. I told her that her attention flattered me because you’re a beautiful woman, but I worry about how things might look at the office if we keep flirting the way we have been. Her reaction was actually really cool about it.

Career:

Last week a project I’ve been working on for a while came to fruition. It’s not our core business, but it’s a tool that is going to bring tremendous value to our clients. The reason this project was a success and completed quickly is because I’m getting better at leading communicating and doing a better job getting my work completed through others. Typically my ego would get in the way in the past and I’d try to do everything myself so I could own the entire final result; eventually becoming a bottle neck.

Family:

We had an unfortunate situation happen to my older daughter last week. I want to mention this because this is a scenario that’s making me realize how much I’ve actually changed in the past year in regards to staying calm in shitty situations and taking leadership of my family.

My daughter had a close group of friends and they all would FaceTime daily during the pandemic. The group consisted of my daughter, her best friend (a girl), and 3 boys (I considered beta orbiters). In the beginning, this was a great group of friends, however in the past month, something happened where 2 of the boys started competing for my daughters attention. Eventually these boys became butt hurt, and over time started lashing out at my daughter saying some hurtful things. My daughter and I have a very close relationship where we can talk about these things, so I’d hear her stories and I’d offer my suggestions. I’m never one to get directly involved. I want her to learn how to fix her own problems. So 2 weeks ago, my daughter said enough was enough, and my daughter ended the relationships with the boys. They continued contacting her and jabbing her with insults, so my daughter blocked them on social media and everything else. It gives me hope that my daughter will do the same in the future if ever in an unhealthy or abusive relationship.

Late one night last week, my daughter started getting fake accounts showing up on her instagram posting shitty pictures of things and mentioning her name. When my daughter actually saw it in the morning, she immediately blocked them before taking screenshots, and then called me at work and shared the images of what was going on. I never saw my daughter so visibly upset. I never heard such panic. Everyone my daughter knew could see what was happening to her.

Although I said I don’t fix her problems directly, I believe online bullying and harassment of this type is an entire new level of harassment that our children aren’t equipped to deal with on their own. Nor do I believe it should ever be tolerated by any parent who becomes aware of it.

I told my daughter, don’t worry, I will take care of this for you.

The one mistake these stupid asses made was following the fake accounts they created and vice versa. So I was able to take screen shots of everything and I forwarded it to a school contact who I was in communication with. The Principal brought the boys in his office and got them to confess. I heard one was crying when they told them their parents were on their way to pick him up.

At the end of the day, my wife didn’t know about any of this until my daughter explained what happened. When my wife asked my daughter why she called me instead of her, my daughter told her “Mom, you were busy at work, and I know how worried and freaked out you get about things like this. I love you both, but I needed Dad because he knows what to do about stuff like this and he’s always calm about it”.

Hearing my daughter say this made me realize how far I’ve come. If this incident happened a year ago, I wouldn’t have handled it the same. I would have been too stressed in the moment to do anything, and I would have told my frazzled wife to deal with the situation herself. Actually, my daughter probably would have called my wife instead, so this is a strong indication that they see me differently now.

AlphalfaSprout · 2021-02-03T23:41:03+00:00

OYS #16 - When you asked for light, I set myself on fire

Stats

Age mid 30s, getting divorced, together ~17y. 1 toddler. Height 6'1", weight 215lbs.

Lifts are all reset way down from real max due to health issues, but are going up again ~15lbs/week each:

Squat - 270x5, Press 110x5, Deadlift 270x5, Bench 170x5 (reset for medical reasons, all lifts going back up now 15-30 pounds a week)

Sidebar

Finished: NMMNG, MMSLP, MAP, TWOTSM, WISNIFG, SGM, Models, TRM year one

My ego wouldn't let me fully do this before despite 15 previous OYSs, but now I am going to lay out all of the ways I haven't shown up in life as a person, a father, a husband, a friend, or a professional. In the stress, pain, and lack of sleep of my marriage and life falling apart, I feel like somehow my ego has taken a break, and I can see things with more clarity.

I am a porn addict. I've spent much of my time alone in my room masturbating to increasingly disturbing porn since I was a young teenager. My sexuality is entirely based around this, and I have erectile dysfunction and poor stamina with real women, and often need to think about porn to get hard at all. I quit cold turkey back in November, and went about a month with zero sex drive, just as described in Horns' recent essay. After the flatline lifted, I was suddenly able to actually have sex like a man. I stayed calm, breathed deeply and was able to last as long as I wanted, and only ended when I decided to, because she was about to be tired and sore. I had one porn relapse after having sex, but have been cold turkey again.
I have a MAJOR health problem that I have failed to address for almost a year. I have lots of rectal bleeding and intermittent sharp pain that prevents me from sleeping or working at times. When it gets bad I also stop lifting and lose strength. It could be something minor, but could also be something much worse like colon cancer. I got a referral to a specialist last summer and simply never went, because I didn't care about myself. I have now booked an appointment in two weeks at one of the best hospitals in the world.
I have a serious procrastination problem that is ruining my career. I've had this problem since... the time that I started using porn compulsively as a teenager. I've tried every book and method I could find to solve it, and often spend entire days and weeks doing nothing but feeling guilty for not working, but doing zero work. I have discipline in other areas like lifting and dieting, but can't figure out how to have discipline with my work. I have been successful in my career anyway, because I do have passion for my work, and will get things done in an all nighter once they're late and things are about to get ugly. I still don't know how to address this.
I am generally addicted to many things that I use to escape pain and boredom. Instead of facing the pain of how I keep letting myself and others down, I drown it in distractions. Excessive internet scrolling, alcohol, overeating, caffeine, and escape fantasies about wild adventures that I lack the balls to actually try. None of these things are individually used that much that others would see me as an addict, but I know I use them to escape being present in my own life. I can easily stop doing one and tell myself I'm not addicted, but then take up the others even more.
I am a needy little bitch with zero boundaries or frame. My entire marriage, and in most of my friendships, I completely neglect my own needs and desires for theirs, and told myself I wanted what they wanted. My wife once moved to another country for a year without telling me ahead of time, and I fucking stayed married to her. She also moved twice to new cities I didn't want to live in, and I dropped all of my friends and career prospects to start over, just to please her. This culminated in my previous OYS where I mentioned considering letting my wife openly cuckold me with her colleagues and friends. Instead of setting boundaries, I end up being controlling, begging, or being passive aggressive. I honestly didn't even really understand the concept of boundaries until I read more about it a few weeks ago. Growing up, my parents had zero boundaries with each other and the concept is foreign to me.
I am a shitty father. I keep all my pain and frustration bottled up inside, and as a result I am not calm, loving, and present with my son, but get frustrated when he is just a normal healthy little and inquisitive toddler. If I don't get my act together he is going to grow up like me or worse. If I can't love myself right now, my love for him will keep me strong and improving things.
I thought seduction was mostly physical and never connected deeply with women as a result. I never showed vulnerability with women, shared fantasies, etc. but would just make eye contact, and touch. After reading Mark Manson's 'Models' book, I can see I have been skipping like 90% of what it takes to connect with a woman. More so, I was never vulnerable with myself... I couldn't even admit to myself my vulnerabilities, weaknesses, or fantasies, not alone share them with others. I am a tall muscular man, and have leaned on this my whole life instead of actually developing any confidence... and now am going to fix that.
I haven't been true to my real mission and desires in life. I haven't pushed the limits of my body and mind into doing the things that truly excite me, because I felt that they were inconvenient to others. I have dreams of doing things like sailing around the world, summiting mountains, and launching tech startups yet I do only tiny safe versions of these instead of really living.

So current status:

I got a good lawyer, and have initiated the divorce process. My main priority is protecting my son, and protecting my ability to co-parent. I am planning to do a mediated amicable divorce, but have a backup plan if that goes south.

I have been too distraught about this to eat much more than small meals and protein shakes, but have been lifting consistently. My strength is recovering after a month long medical lay-off, and I have visible abs for the first time in almost a decade. I got smaller and more fashionable clothes and feel more physically attractive (but not emotionally together at all). On walks outside I've noticed IOIs from out of shape late 40s women, so that's a start at least.

I am not leaving my son or moving out of my house. I moved to my own bedroom, and set up a schedule where I now get 50% time off from watching my son to do my own thing. My wife says she still loves me and is trying to be more sexual than ever with me. This is probably playing with fire and stupid of me, but I have been responding to her a bit, sexting her, and I kissed her twice. Part of me is happy to see her come into her sexuality even without me... she has been an angry frigid person that didn't take care of her body for a long time, and now she is glowing, beautiful, and feminine.

I've just re-read Models, and can't wait to go out and try picking up women and being vulnerable with them in conversation. I feel a bit sick right now, and I'm hoping it's coronavirus (got tested today), so I will be immune and can actually meet women IRL responsibly. I am overjoyed to no longer have a single person that doesn't even like me be the gatekeeper of my own sexuality.

HornsOfApathy · 2021-02-02T15:39:42+00:00

OYS #107

38 yo, 6’0, 170lbs, 11% BF, married 5, together 9, kids 4 & 14

Dear Diary,

My mini-cut went much quicker than expected. My schedule went 100% according to plan: dropped from 177 to 166, now bulking again for 10 weeks until the summer cut. I still struggle with my body dysmorphia while bulking – the extra water retention looks like a fat belly on my slender frame. I have learned to deal with it but not conquer it.

Got my 90-day bloodwork back, Total T is 1200 and free is 27. No wonder over the last few months all I can think about is fucking. For a while sexual thoughts were too distracting and too overpowering, but that has now leveled off through a combination of fucking all the time and settling into better habits. Conversely, fucking in the morning makes it worse. It drains my energy, discipline, and motivation for the day to unacceptable levels, then when I have regained some drive all I can think of is fucking again.

I have been struggling for a while with my wife’s super submissive starfishy stuff. It is not entirely bad… Closed eyes, laying there, not speaking, moaning a bit, enjoying being used. I don’t mind it sometimes because it’s hot as fuck, but it had become too frequent. It is partly on my leadership or lack there-of. I have trained my slut, who is a submissive little thing, but the training had gone too far. She was TOO submissive for me. It was getting weird for me, but I’m the one who created it. I wanted more engagement from a sexual partner. I tried leading covertly through many months and mostly failed. I was becoming frustrated – trying to figure out where I was leading wrong – and it turns out that I wasn’t being a man.

Three sessions in a row I got this “fuck me and use me as I lay here” sex…. I stopped. Pulled out. I genuinely didn’t want it. I also didn’t know how to put into few words with a narrative what was going on, so I fell back to trusty STFU. I was called out on the 3rd time I just stopped fucking. I told my woman the following:

Look, I’m not here to negotiate your desire. I have trained you better than this. You know more than any woman how to please me. If you’re just going to lay there and phone it in, eyes closed, not engaged, that’s your choice. I do not want that and will be stopping again if that happens. And if I still feel like fucking after stopping… I am going to turn you over, bury your face in the pillow and fuck you from behind where you cannot watch and engage, where I don’t give a fuck about you, and you will be used for that pussy alone. Because that’s what you’re asking for with this behavior.

There has been remarkable sustained improvement since then. At the end of the day I wanted better and my woman wasn’t giving it to me. Which brings me to my next point.

All people are flawed and my girl’s biggest flaw is communication. She is fucking awful at words, written or spoken. Granted, I probably have enough words for the both of us, but a history of being a terribly shy communicator is a challenge that is built into that woman’s DNA. I even wrote a post about how I communicate now without words – which I enjoy and allows me to use my masculine imagination.

But I began to ask myself: Do I want a woman who will say things like “Please come home, I need your cock in my mouth”? I mean, sure, that would be cool. But this would never be my woman unless I invested an inordinate amount of time leading her there. The juice wouldn’t be worth the squeeze when the reality is that she would still be there, waiting to suck my cock when I got home but never say anything about it. I watch what she does, not what she says, and the results are the same.

But there is this nagging feeling I have that I desire a woman that would communicate these things verbally and emotionally at once, and I’ve done my best to kill any reasons for desiring this from validation. The needle is difficult to thread here but what I have decided is that this is just one of her flaws. Something I could change, yes, but do I really want to invest my time in this area? No. I have better shit to do and all the other qualities and value that she brings to me are phenomenal.

Should I be disappointed in this compromise? I don’t think so. I’m still wrestling with it a little. I’m dealing with an individual woman on some level that is just flawed, like me, and I can either accept this person as they are – knowing I have the ability to change anything – and actively choose to just accept the flaw. I have reached this conclusion.

There are no unicorns, and even if I wanted to make one it would be a terrible ROI. My woman is congruent with her actions and frame and that’s all I can ask for unless I decide to invest time and make something new. But for now, I’m happy with this and understand my time is the most valuable asset I have. I will not be spending any amount of time on this in the short term, but will certainly lead here over time.

Got a huge payout at work after being there 6 months. Largest check of my life. I’m now debt free sans mortgage.

I will know in three weeks if I need to move my family due to school districts. That should be an awesome spring project that bring the family together. Housing market is insane here and limited, but I will figure it out.

I am starting head coaching baseball again after a 2-year hiatus (son aged out). My daughter starts T-ball this year, and I’m excited to start at the bottom rung all over again. I love coaching, spending time with kids, and winning. They don’t keep score, but I do.

Strength, motherfuckers.

SpareTireBob · 2021-02-02T11:58:12+00:00

OYS #27 – 2-2-21

Stats – 37yo; HT 5’-10”; WT 190 lbs; BF% 14.7% (navy method)

Lifts – DL=300x10, BS=290x4, BP 170x10, OHP=130x4

Relationship - married 11, together 14; 4 kids under age 10

Read – NMMNGx2, The Rational Male Year 1, MMSLP, WISNIFG, TPF, TTGTW, TRP Sidebar, MAP

Currently Reading - The Rational Male Book (75%)

Mindset

After going though a few weeks of uncertainty, I’ve refocused on my mission and have a slightly revised plan moving forward. I know my mission will always be changing as I continue my journey. In some of my early OYS posts, I felt the need to state my mission for the world to see. As it stands now, I’m not sure I could even put it into words.

I realized I had been trying to mold myself into a red-pilled man as defined by others. It’s been said many times here that MRP is a general guide and that each individual’s mileage may vary. Trying to emulate what others are doing has not been successful for me because it’s not congruent to me and who I am. I’m realizing that I need to find my own path, try out my own ideas and own up to the failures, but also take pride in the successes.

I tried something new with my wife last week. Something I never thought I’d be able to bring up and something I never thought I wanted to try. I was honest and up front and completely authentic. I didn’t follow any guide, any MRP post, or any book. I went by gut feeling and expressed what I wanted, what I felt that would look like, and how it would benefit each of us. The power of the feeling when she willingly fell into my frame is something I cannot describe. This is what I came here for.

I know the journey is not done, it never is. I have so much more to learn, and many more OYS posts left to write, detailing my wins and losses. However, this week I’m celebrating the win and taking pride that the work is paying off.

red_koan · 2021-02-02T12:00:48+00:00

OYS 5

33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 204 19% BF Navy.

One rep max: Bench 240 Squat 250 Deadlift 280

Read MMSLP, MAP, SALSM, Ironwood, MRP sidebar, TRP sidebar, Pook, WISNIFG, NMMNG, Not Nice, Rational Male, Manipulated Man, Virtue of Selfishness, The Moral Animal.

Watching the WISNIFG sidebar videos, Reading Beyond Good and Evil.

MAP Reds

My big three reds from MAP are oneitis, blaming, and people pleasing.

Oneitis, or stop emotional tunnel vision. My goal is to do the number of approaches equal to my OYS. Completed 5. Mostly uneventful, but there was a cute yoga pants chic at the grocery store who was quite willing to help me locate half of the stuff on my shopping list.

Read a WAS post that had a line that just clicked in my head.

Your wife is only the gatekeeper of sex with her.

I had never mentally added those last two words; they make all the difference in the world. The target of this quote was scarcity, and it applies equally to the oneitis I'm trying to kill. This is a step towards the first right of refusal mindset.

I found a box of letters that my wife had written to me during our LDR in college. I don’t recognize the person writing them anymore, but what I did recognize was a type of dread. Frequency was high before we officially started dating, dropped after that, and then stopped completely after engagement. It would seem that writing to me was a way to secure commitment and little else. Seeing AWALT is great for curing oneitis. I burned them all.

Blaming, stop displaying low value, stop being a victim. I failed hard this weekend. I was hanging shop lights and was getting a continuous string of suggestions and critiques. I held it together for about fifteen minutes of that, then I snapped and threw a shovel at a wall and smashed a bucket, and then stopped. She then made several more observations about my lack of maturity, all of which were true.

It felt like I was tapping into a deep reservoir of rage and I got a good long look at the feelings I've been repressing. I've been lying to myself about how much progress I've made to cover my disappointment that I'm not really progressing. I’m a dancing monkey who is furious that the routine isn’t working. I have immense resentment for her denying me. I thought I had accepted that it’s all my fault and I haven't. I was angry that I let her make me angry and that was the feedback loop that spun me out of control.

The last couple of days have just been bitter after seeing what a worthless piece of shit I am. All this anger comes from me having sex as the goal. I've been telling myself I'm doing all this to be a man. I wasn’t, I just wanted to get laid. I thought that MAP and OYS and STFU and lift would lead to sex, and having sex would make me feel like a man. What I saw in the rubble of all my self deception was that doing all those things will make me a man, and sex is a side effect. My fundamental error was reversing the arrow of causality between sex and being a man. If sex is the goal it will destroy me.

People pleasing, stop orbiting. My goal here is at least once a week I'm going to actively seek disapproval and then hold a boundary and not apologize for it. A few years ago I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, and this is one of the reasons the career beta post hit me so hard- that it could call me out with that level of specificity. I never did anything about it until a few months ago when my doc who does my annual physical referred me to a psychiatrist and we started having sessions. I didn't tell my wife because I was ashamed; she knew about the initial diagnosis but I felt like she would see me as weak if I actually acknowledged it by talking to someone. So this week I told her. I was nervous and almost threw up; she barely batted an eye and went back to watching cat videos. The wild inaccuracy of the fear voice in my head is surreal.

Other MAP reds

Diet. Process goals are five days carnivore and two days fasting. Outcome goal is to lose 1%BF per month this year. I’m on pace for this. I hit all my diet goals this week. Sleep improved as a result, and lifts were great.

Exercise. PPL split with HIIT. I want at least one PR per lifting day- this week I had 18.

Stop drugging yourself: I resumed 90mg of caffeine on the weekdays upon waking. I’ll try this for a month, and if I’m getting withdrawal symptoms on the weekends I’ll dial it back. Also started an herbal sleep supplement with no melatonin, and I’ll test this for a month and then check my sleep data and make a decision about restarting melatonin.

Time management. My time management goal is to work efficiently enough to create uninterrupted space in my schedule for focused journaling on something I’m learning here on MRP. Goal is at least one hour per work day; this week I did 13 hours.

Porn/jerking off. None.

Spiritual/philosophy

I reread the career beta post often and I need to be more specific about exactly what I'm trying to accomplish in this section.

...the first thing [career beta] must do is reject the doctrine of self-sacrifice as a moral code.

I worked this week to distill down ideas into something hopefully potent enough to kill the sacrifice for sex strategy. I know a lot of this draws from MMSLP and I don't remember where I’ve plagiarized the rest from.

The sexual strategy of sacrifice is to offer resources for sex. Offering resources for sex tells her I have no other options, or lack preselection, which decreases attraction. Decreased attraction makes sex less frequent, so I offer more resources for sex, which decreases attraction further, which decreases frequency, which necessitates more resources. I am literally incentivizing her to fuck me less and charge me more by rewarding her for withholding sex. That makes this the perfect strategy to maximize resource extraction from me for ever decreasing rewards.

At the same time, fidelity and continuity of resources from me must be ensured. Only a man with no other sexual options is guaranteed to be faithful. The decreasing frequency and quality of sex serves the dual purpose of breaking my confidence in my own SMV, which convinces me I have no other options. Ironically, I can be made faithful with less sex, not more.

Sex becomes an addiction, because intermittent rewards are more addictive than predictable rewards, and an addicted man is the ideal mate, because he will make any sacrifice demanded of him. Ego can rewrite the story to make a hero out of an addict, but there is no morality in this in sacrifice. To sacrifice is merely to be a puppet of an addiction.

So sacrifice is just something that ends with me getting used, degraded, and addicted. Genes don't give a shit about my happiness; genes are selfish. If misery and sacrifice are what will make my genes come to dominate the gene pool, that's exactly what will happen.

Relationship

Initiated four times, success twice.

When I reread the above later, specifically "success", it stuck out. I'm going to leave it in there because it illustrates an incorrect mindset that I need to dissect. If I define a successful initiation as one that leads to sex, then if follows that an initiation that doesn't lead to sex would be defined as a failure. So I'm defining success and failure based on an outcome that I can't control. That's not outcome independence.

I also noticed an urge to initiate only when I'm fairly certain I can close. Two reasons; I don't like rejection, and I've got a scoreboard in my head. In this case the scoreboard is my own personal pride whenever I have a streak of one shot one kill initiations going, and I feel like a rejection would be a stain on my record. So really, both reasons just boil down to ego.

Ego explains my lack of outcome independence- my ego is invested in the outcome. I want the validation of her giving herself to me and a rejection means that I'm invalidated as a man. Of course I would be hesitant to initiate if a possible outcome was confirming I'm not a man.

So to build OI, I tried to re-frame rejection. My first thought was that when I get rejected, all I should hear is that I haven’t put in the work to be attractive. But attraction doesn’t seem right either. If I say that she rejects me because I’m not attractive, I’m also saying that if she doesn’t reject me I am attractive... how do I flip back and forth on a daily basis between being attractive and not? Or is the real problem that neither of us know what’s going on in her head and I should just not base any judgement about myself on her reactions to me? I had already realized I can't control her reactions with my actions, but this made me realize that I also can't control her reactions with who I am- no matter how ripped or alpha or whatever I become, I still don't control her reactions.

All that seems to be a really round about way of saying stay out of her head. I've read that so many times but it just took making mistakes to start to get what it meant.

Summary

Career beta, nice guy, anger. My goal for this year is to get through dread levels 1-4, one per quarter, and MAP phase 1-2.

GetOffMyLawn74 · 2021-02-02T12:32:36+00:00

OYS # 10

46 M, Wife (SAHM) – 39 – Married 9 – together 13 – Kids 2 M (7) and M (5); F (20) from XW.

Physical: 5-9, 189 lbs (started at 202); 25% BF (started at 27%); lifting 4 times per week. I have stopped cardio. Initial goal weight - 185 lbs. Initial goal BF - under 20%.

Perfect week on diet. Still no alcohol. Stayed at least 750 cals below my TDEE every day. No cheat meals. Still eating lots of chicken breasts and egg whites. Still trying to up protein intake. First time my weight has been below 190 in 15 years. Only took 4 weeks of real discipline to make this happen. I’m trying not to focus on the fact that I was so lazy for so long (don’t look back and self loathe) and also fighting the urge to take my foot off the gas (“you have been good - reward yourself with a pizza and a six pack”). Going to keep on trucking!!

Gym 4 times. 2 at night and Saturday and Sunday mornings. Squats - 170; deadlifts 185 - both 5x5. Working on form and being very deliberate about progressing. Still doing 3-day splits with 4 sets of 10-15 reps on other exercises.

Reading: Have read almost everything on the sidebar - many more than once. Reading Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins and Ironwoods Alpha Moves. Ordered WOTSM, but holding off for now - limit to 2 books at a time and I am not sure I am yet ready for WOTSM. Also plan on starting Rian Stone’s video series on WISNIFG this week.

Mission: Discipline.

16 weeks no FAP. I came across some nudes in an article linked from TRM on pickup - some pics on the “killtheinnerloser” blog. I immediately felt the urge to go back down the porn rabbit hole. Just seeing one vag on the screen and the old thought patterns start kicking in. I did not fall for it. Not today resistance.

Frame: Feel like I am continuing to make progress on frame. I identified this week a frame issue with my OYS. On Tuesdays after posting I compulsively check to see if I get any feedback. “Ooooh, I wonder what the guys with their shit together will think about my post this week …” and thoughts like that. I also noticed while writing this OYS that there is a little too much thought about how it will be received, which is impacting the authenticity of my posts. I am writing these for me. For me to hold myself accountable. For me to identify my weak points and blind spots and to focus on fixing them. Understanding that feedback is an important part of the exercise, my submissions need to have purity and let the advice fall where it may. Get the ego out of it.

With the physical on track for a month now, I feel like I am ready to start working on some other areas. While I have continued to work on frame, handling shit-tests, doing things for myself (without going rambo), my overriding focus for the last month has been on working out and dieting. I am lacking on the social front. Other than lifting and golfing (usually once a week), I have fallen back into the rut of being at home too much. So, last week I went to the office for two days (we have the option to go into the office). I like doing it - and the wife initiated after the second day of me working out of the house - but its time consuming. I have a 30 minute commute each way and have to get dressed, etc. I feel like the time can be better spent. So, this week I am going to find some place to work outside of my house, but closer - coffee shops and restaurants are open in my state so I am going to try that this week. I am also going to make it a point to talk to several strangers every time I am out of the house - I started this last week with a conversation with an older woman on the elevator. Not a huge deal, but normally I would have just scrolled on my phone the whole time. She got on a floor below me and I just started chatting her up with small talk. We ended up standing outside the elevators talking for a few minutes in the lobby. It was nothing big and there was no flirting or attraction to this woman, but its a good start. I must do more of this.

I got a major shit test this weekend around my Saturday workout - I changed the time I normally go by about 3 hours because I had other stuff to do in the morning. I won’t get into details because it doesn’t matter. I, maybe for the first time, effectively used some negative inquiry and negative assertion to respond rather than just autistic STFU. Things have been icy now for 2 days over it - I’m just going about my day and doing and saying what I want. I tried to loosen things up last night with some non-logistic banter, but it was met with more shit tests. It pissed me off so I just went with STFU rather than verbalize my loss of frame in the moment. Although I was pissed, it doesn’t bother me as much as it would have 4 months ago. These few days of being incommunicado has given me time to consider what it would be like if this were it - if there was no “relationship.” Do I have the abundance mentality to go there? No, I don’t. Not yet.

After the shit show Saturday, I had a great afternoon with the boys - took them golfing and then the three of us grabbed a bite after - they got hot chocolates - it was cold weather golf. We talked about golfing and how cool it was when we just hang out with us boys. Really good time. On the drive home they asked if we could do it again next Saturday. These male bonding times are important for all three of us.

This week: Continue on workout and diet. Get out of the house other than for gym and work. Talk to at least one stranger every time I leave the house. Plan and execute another outing with the boys.

substancehub · 2021-02-02T12:30:41+00:00

OYS 26

Summary

6'2'' 34 years old / 182lbs (~16%BF) BP - 199 / OHP - 118 / SQ - 270 / DL - 250

Read: the sidebar

Reading: Book of Pook (again), Models

Mods: Thank you for the flair, I truly earned it.

Captain's Log

Star Date: February 2, 2021

I am on a collision course with Planet Pussy. My porn archive has been destroyed and I have taken a temporary vow of hand celibacy to reroute my sex drive power reserves into the life support systems of my starship. No porn plus no fap, combined with an unseasonable sexual dry spell with my first mate, has led to the second week without an orgasm, probably the longest I've gone since taking off from Earth during puberty. Despite my fears, my dick has not fallen off from disuse. Without porn or my hand to satisfy my needs, I have had to confront lingering covert contracts and desire for validation, leaving me no recourse but to forge ahead with gaming my wife. Which reminds me—making myself a fun and attractive captain so my wife will fuck me more often was the original reason I set my course for this soft, warm, and humid planet to begin with.

—END OF TRANSMISSION—

HeckleandChide · 2021-02-03T20:28:49+00:00

OYS 2/03/21

Stats: mid30s, 6’1, 229#, est current maxes 350b, 525s, 500d, lots of kids, first marriage

Physical: maybe in the best shape of my post-college life at the moment from an aesthetic and functional standpoint. Training in a hybrid Crossfit-Strongman gym. Love it.

Nutrition Plan: relatively strict Keto with a focus on beef, cheese, and greens. I don’t track calories at all… I eat when I’m hungry and I eat until I’m full. I do lightly track protein and aim for 250g per day. I also drink about 1.25 gallons of water per day (some of that via ridiculous amounts of coffee).

Work: regaining losses from 2020. Implementing a few projects that should add hundreds of thousands to bottom-line revenue for the year.

Kids: busy season is upon me with spring sports. Got a couple of them in travel ball and that’s always a challenge logistically. Working a lot on their mental fortitude and approach to the game as that will translate over to the rest of their life far more than how to hit dingers or field a short hop.

Marriage: warm food, warm bed, clean clothes, and a funny wife with an Instagram ass. Not bad.

Social: meet for breakfast with a few buddies once a week to work on life together. Got other guys I’ll play poker with or train with.

Frame/Validation: working through the concepts of identity versus actions, journey versus goal. “I’m working out because I don't' want to be fat / want to attract women / have a competition in 2 weeks" vs "I’m working out because that’s a part of who I am." The difficulties that a lot of guys (newbies and some not newbies) in here experience is because of incongruence between their identity and their (new) actions. That incongruence creates massive issues with genuine frame and is a source of ongoing validation issues. Since I’ve reconciled this, a lot of the issues that seemed so massive before are just minor annoyances. This is a work in progress on my part and probably always will be to some degree.

Current Projects: bar muscle up, 600# deadlift, new new revenue of 300k this year, eliminate cc debt, get rid of the horrible shrubs in my front lawn, read about 15 books in my queue, build a better bunk bed for my boys.

ancient_resistance · 2021-02-02T15:37:19+00:00

OYS 37

Mid 30s, 5'10", 171lbs, 19%bf (Navy). Married 10 years, 4 kids ages 5-9. 5/3/1 PRs (5-rep): squat 190, bench 165, deadlift 260, ohp 95. Read NMMNG, Meditations, TWOTSM

So I YOLO'd just over a grand on 4 shares of $GME Friday. Wouldn't do it again. but I'm glad I did it.

I used to think losing was the worst thing ever. Now I see the worst thing is actually not to play the game and live in fear of loss, which ironically leads to more and more loss. I knew on Friday that I wouldn't resent myself for losing that much money, but I might resent myself for not taking a risk, even if it turned out to be a foolish one.

No matter how this thing turns out, my 36 hours of day trading has taught me it's fucking stupid to gamble on bubbles. The real ballers who command 7 and 8-figure positions on $GME bet on undervalued stock years ago, not the potential of a short squeeze "to the moon." They have also trimmed their positions so no matter what happens in the next few weeks, they keep huge gains. Everything from here on out for them is YOLO gravy, so why wouldn't they "diamond hands" till the end?

Even if somehow this turns out in our favor, that might be worse than a loss. Can you imagine the fucking ego it would pump into an army of retarded apes who now think they're smarter than multibillion dollar hedge fund managers? on that principle alone I hope $GME goes tits up and never comes back.

I count it as a pretty cheap lesson in assessing risk/reward, and how my attitude is still miscalibrated toward laziness (minimal investment expecting huge gains). I also see it as lesson in how I tend to place too much trust in my perceptions, that I don't account for enough unknowns, and I don't account for how much emotion is actually on the table when I think I'm making a rationally informed decision. I mean, I still think the basic idea behind the squeeze is/was valid, and that the whole $GME craze wasn't pure hype. But the devil's always in the details, and those details can make or break the situation, and it's impossible to see all the relevant details in a situation like this, especially as someone with no investment experience. Hindsight shows me I jumped on the bandwagon at least as much to become "part of a movement" and FOMO as much any of the more rational reasons.

So I'm taking it as a healthy dose of humble pie. And strangely, enjoying it all the way down. It feels like I paid a few days salary to grow myself up, which is in fact a worthwhile investment. And in the off chance things turn around, well, I still think it's stupid to bet on bubbles and I will take it as an unexpected and undeserved win, and use it as seed money to learn how to actually invest.

AlphalfaSprout · 2021-02-02T12:23:55+00:00

OYS #33

Stats

Age 32 Ht 6’0”, Wt 170.4 (+1.4, down from 207 in Jan 2020), BF 15.5%, Wife 32 Kids 2 under 7

Reading

NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, Rational Male, Ironwood Alpha Moves, Pook, Ultimate Texting Guide for Men, Bang, MRP Wiki, Way of the Superior Man, The Enlightened Sex Manual, 48 Laws of Power, Rian Stone’s NMMNG & WISNIFG Youtube Series

Physicality and Health

Last week’s goals: Continue lifting at least 3 times a week, play rball with buddy, get Bod Pod scanning scheduled.

I lifted 3 times, played rball twice, got the Bod Pod scheduled for this week. I’m feeling stronger and the gym is one of my favorite places to be. I started lifting 5.5 months ago. As an example, I started chest presses at 5x5 @ 135. They were not easy. Last week, I finished off a 5x9 @ 180. That’s going from 3,375lbs to 8,100lbs. Crazy to think that my functional strength has more than doubled in less than 6 months (at least on this particular exercise) but that is the difference between my baseline (doing absolutely nothing to better myself physically and eating unhealthily) and steady, progressive overload over 5.5 months. Just going to keep working.

GOAL: lose weight because packing on muscle in a calorie deficit is going to prove too difficult. Keep protein intake high. Get the bod pod done to assess where I’m at with body fat/muscle %.

Sex and Validation

Last week’s goals: Have sex for me/no validation sex. Continue not using porn.

2nd week in a row of no porn. As I mentioned last week, I’ve probably never went a few days in my adult life without looking at porn so this is new. I’d like to think the connections in my brain between those quick dopamine hits of seeing big tits on a screen and watching someone else fuck these girls for pleasure is being rewritten. I know that when I am feeling a bit anxious, my mind strays to porn for the quick release to calm my nerves. I’m not allowing myself that anymore and I’m better off for it.

After the first week of no porn where I was clearly falling back into my “sex for validation” methods, I made a conscious decision to not do that this week. I was successful in just fucking for my own pleasure. I had a much better time with it. Validation sex is no fun for anyone, and I’m pleased that I was able to just go a week fucking for fun.

I came in or on or my wife 12 times in January. Up from 10 the month before and tied with 12 in November. I am slowly but surely seeing the changes in my wife where she is looking to please me sexually and looking to me for validation in this area of our lives. The morning after a great BJ, I was asked if it was done well. Perfect opportunity for praise and positive reinforcement and I made sure to provide both.

Mental

Getting rid of the external validation mental models that have plagued my life. Still have them swirling around in my brain, but I can say for the first time I am more at peace with myself than I have been in a while. I need to keep building on this progress. I feel like I can easily go backwards here because what I’ve built in my head is still fragile. I see myself sometimes falling into those old behavioral patterns: “Well a few months ago, it seemed like my wife was more into sex than she is now. Am I doing something wrong?” Those thoughts still creep in. What helps now is I have gained the tools to spot it and quash it.

Now its about consistently applying the right mental models over enough time that it continues to become more natural. Much like dealing with shit tests. Months ago, I remember thinking “Is this a shit test? Oh it is! Ok, it is time to stfu or maybe I can think of something witty?” Now, I respond to shit tests naturally and it doesn’t take much of an actual thought process because it just happens. I need to continue that growth until the more intermediate and advanced mental models come naturally.

ImpatientZen · 2021-02-02T16:41:20+00:00

OYS #36

40s married, kid. Usual stuff sorted.

Health

Things cleared up, so seems I got off easy this time, without needing to be hospitalized. Set lifting/diet plan in motion. Going to be a strict 8 weeks, then reassess. So far feeling good.

Game and sex

I find this starts working when I stop thinking about it. “Is this a compliance test?!”-thoughts and the like are still there, but less. Because generally IDGAF and just act congruently with what I want. The game goal also says to “have fun” and I am. I mess with everyone around me most of the time. At the same time, getting better at boundary-setting. That was a huge blind spot before, caused by me being all Zen about whatever. I actually still kind of am, I can Zen any upset away in seconds. But I remember to call out and correct shitty behaviour nevertheless.

Been fucking a lot. Even then, wife came and offered up pussy unprompted one day - like literally, physically. Still getting beta-performance though. Not putting anything on wife, just fucking how and as I want. On track here.

Work

A while back I decided to make my OYS about sexual strategy, and action. This has worked well. Even so, becoming less Nice is starting to affect change in unexpected areas. Work is one, and I see it in two ways.

First, in interaction with female employees. Being more assertive, feeling less Guilty, owning who I am and how I work. Second with the career move I am working on, which will ruffle a lot of feathers. Including my own.

I am finally going for something, where failure is high likelihood. I’ve avoided this like a Nice Guy for a long time, because my Ego has not liked the idea of failure. I am the Golden Boy. If I fall on my face, then who am I? So I will likely fail in this attempt, yet it will be fun to try. I will likely disappoint some people, including some I respect, but that is because of their interests and own mental traps.

Owning what I want and unapologetically going for it, every day, is really freeing. Goes much further than just work, women, family. It’s a mindset. Slowly starting to settle.

Family

I have a guilt thing about my son. Both “abandoning” him when I split from the wife, and also now because I could/should spend more time with him. I read some dude talking about taking some time every day and then have that be “our” time. And realized I actually do that. And on weekends more. The other stuff is an old thought-pattern I am stuck in. I am actually a pretty good dad.

Reading

Still Mystery Method, but most time is spent I am reading posts, including some time interacting here. It’s helpful to me, and who knows, maybe some of it can help someone else.

To-do’s:

Have sex how I want when I want.

Be “selfish” and polarizing.

Enforce boundaries.

UsefulWalk4 · 2021-02-02T16:23:57+00:00

OYS #57

Stats: Mid Forties, married 15 years, kids 6’2”, 186 lbs. at least 11% Navy Method. Working on MRP over 3 years, OYS since December 2020.

Lifts: Squat 355# X5, Deadlift 275# X5, Row 180# X5 (I moved back to weighted chins, 10#, 25#, 45#), OHP 120# X5, BP 180# X 5. I officially signed up for Barbell Medicine training. I have to wait up to week for my programming. I also got their nutrition package. Still waiting, I think I get my programming tomorrow.

Currently Reading: Day Bang & NMMNG. Different formats so I’m reading in different places.

NMMNG: Started a re-read of NMMNG. I picked up somewhere in the middle where my last tab was at. I never thought much of the book and didn’t think it applied to me (great self-awareness, right?). Just a couple of pages into my perusing and I was deeply affected with some really uncomfortable realities. I’m a chameleon, manipulating other people, distracting yourself with addictive patterns, hiding your humanity, toxic shame, refusal to share shortcomings with others, dislike of talking about oneself, fear, shame, evasiveness, trying to win others approval, failing to make your needs a priority. The book mentioned taking a weeklong trip alone. I found this impossible. Why? Am I that afraid to upset my wife? Why? Jesus, it’s all there in the first 4 pages I picked back up. How was I so Egotistical to not realize that this at least sort of applied to me. This will be a high priority until I work thru the book again.

Eye Contact: I’ve been working on holding eye contact whenever I make eye contact with anyone. I’m refusing to look down/away. It’s pretty powerful, and I really had no idea of how quick I was to break contact. Weak. It’s been an interesting social experiment. I typically smile if it extends with the ladies and scowl a little with the dudes. Both typically look away quickly. At least half of the ladies’ blush when I smile. Trying break and unwire any week or nice guy habits, especially those that I do unconsciously.

Sex: Once this week. See below.

Time away from wife, increase this! Get out of the fucking house more. Did so-so here this week. Got out one evening late. I seem to feel the need to have a rock-solid reason to leave, like an appointment, for some reason I never seem to leave just cause. Wife always knows my whereabouts. Pathetic.

Frame: Weaker that I thought, more notes below.

Under pressure: I feel a mounting pressure building. Leaving me with 3 options: 2 of which include breaking vows, the other is out of my control.

1) Masturbate (I vowed not to)

2) Find a different hole (I vowed not to)

3) Wait, use current hole if/when it becomes available

I’ve waited a long time and I can plow horse a little further, but I’m nearing a breaking point. Not in a I’m going to snap today sort of way. It’s been building for years. I’m approaching an inflexion point; something has to give. I’m resolved to give things a little more time as I’m still making progress and discovering new shortcomings. I have to hold strong and plow a little further.

Sexual Strategy: I have committed myself to a sexual strategy that essentially only includes trying to get my wife to have sex with me. I am aware of the short comings of this.

Fuck: The conversation. Earned a promise of “tomorrow sex” one day this week. Which as we all know is worth essentially nothing. Since I was in the mood and committed to initiating every day, I went for it anyway. For some reason, I got really butthurt at the rejection. I thought I was made of stone by now, but I guess not. I was affected by the “promise” even though I know better. Anyway, twenty minutes of lying butthurt in bed later I was approached with the meekest offer of pity sex if I want it. The offer even included a “I don’t want it at all, but I know you do” I refused and went to bed. I’m conflicted. Half of me says I should have taken the sex because I was desperate for a release, the other half says fuck that have some self respect man. Fast-forward to the next day, I took the kids to an appt that I normally wait at, but I decided to drop and go home. I went home and when asked why I was there, I said “I came home to fuck my wife” and grabbed her (I was proud of this, I’m working on being bold). I was told no, then yes. Right as we started having sex, she started a conversation about ‘why do you always want to have sex’, which quickly led to her telling me something to the effect of “I never want to have sex again”. I momentarily lost my ability to STFU and spit out “Why am I committed to having not having sex with other people if you never want to have sex again”. I really pissed her off with the “other people” part. I came to my senses after this and was able to navigate a during sex and after sex conversation about the subject without really fucking myself over further. I didn’t have the frame to fully own the “other people” comment, but at least I didn’t completely back away from it either. By the end of the after-sex conversation, she was crying and planning an overnight date for the near future. I felt terrible and decided at that moment that I don’t have the frame for cheating, knock it off and stop considering it.

Abundance: No less than 8 hours later on the same day we were out at dinner and some pretty young things caught my eye and got me crafting plans to hook up with some of the Thots that have been chasing me. Jeez. Talk about lack of congruence and strategic direction. Which way is it, dumb fuck?

“Still screwing around here. I want to internalize that there is abundance out there. I’m prepared to reinforce this regardless of the cost.” That’s what I wrote last week, before I gave up that notion. I’m so wishy washy. I want several things that are incompatible. Incredible how easy it is to drum up significant interest from young women online as a mid-40’s dude. Scary really, glad I don’t have a daughter.

Mindset: I’m a little forlorn at some of these discoveries about my lack of frame and Nice guy tendencies. My journey into MRP discovery has been like peeling an onion layer by layer. I’m disgusted at finding an entire new layer that smells even worse than the last. How fucked up am I. I’m getting discouraged, each new discovery shows me I’m even further from my target than I thought I was. I just want to be happy for a bit, this has been an intense deep dive. My mental state and self-perception are having a very difficult time surviving it all.

Masturbation: I’m old school I hate talking about all of this personal stuff, but this subject is the worst one for me to open up on. I’ve been doing a great job of abstaining, but it’s not without consequence. The last several times I’ve had sex I have not last nearly as long as I’d like or am used to. I’m sure this is from lack of masturbation/sex/ejaculation. I broke my abstinence vow here today in an effort to desensitize a little before the next time I have sex. I’d love to hear any practical tips from guys who have dealt with going NoFap when they have limited frequency too. I like how it increases my desire and insistence to initiate, but what’s the point if the sex is terrible. Seems like a catch 22.

Mission: Eat, Lift, Read and have fun. Just be myself, whatever that is.

My Plan: My plan is still to continue to put one foot in front of the other. I need to stay the course and be patient. I can’t expect any rapid changes in others just because I’m working so hard at changing so many aspects about myself.

midlife_madness · 2021-02-02T14:15:47+00:00

OYS 8

Stats
Mid 40s, 5’9”, 154 lbs, body fat: 17%-18%
Married 19 yrs, wife mid 40s, 1 kid 8 yo
GSLP week 3 (after 6 weeks SL 5x5) - BP: 117.5 lbs x 8, DL: 155 lbs x 10, Sq: 160 lbs x 6, OHP: 72.5 lbs x 10

Reading The Rational Male vol. 1 (Tomassi)

I’ve still been thinking a lot about the focus on validation-seeking from last week. Every time I think I’ve cut out some bullshit behavior I uncover another subtler layer underneath. So I stopped initiating sex when I could tell I was just looking for feelz; some demonstration that my wife still wants me. Great success! Then one night we’re really clicking. We’re joking and cuddling and having a good time together. Surely she’s going to be down tonight. Swing and a miss and I’m pissed because she didn’t fulfill her end of… my covert fucking contract. Then a few days later I want to initiate sex because it’s been like two weeks since the last time and if we don’t do it again within the next couple days then we will have only fucked once in the month of January (yes, I track it and I know that’s lame) and that’s back to where we were a year ago and that means nothing I’m doing is working. Validation-seeking. Again. Fuck! I eventually redeemed myself on Saturday night when we both got out of the shower at the same time after my kid was asleep. I saw her, wanted her, led with my dick and took her to bed.

I keep having to Rule 9 myself to remember that my wife’s reactions are useful data but are not the yardstick. How many times I have sex in a month, how nice she is to me on any given day, how many shit tests I get - those things change all the time for reasons that aren’t all necessarily about me. The metric that matters is congruence. When I’m in bed for the night can I look back on my day and say that I followed my own direction? Horns laid it out very simply several weeks ago: “stop focusing on sex and start focusing on doing what it is that you want to do.” I’ve been repeating it to myself (slightly rephrased) as a kind of mantra: Stop looking for validation and start focusing on doing what it is that you want to do. That’s been really helpful in helping me stay out of my wife’s frame and start building mine. I keep asking myself “is this something I want or need to do, or is this just something I hope is going to get her into bed with me later or to keep her off my back?” It’s been eye-opening to notice how many times I’ve redirected myself based on the answer to that question. It’s not just about avoiding approval-seeking behavior, it’s also not avoiding doing things just because I think I’m going to get quizzed or shit tested about it. My wife walked in the other day while I was doing something completely mundane that, out of context, probably looked bizarre. I got a snarky “What on earth are you doing?” Before, I would have gone out of my way to explain it all so I didn’t look like a weirdo. This time I looked up and asked, “do you even care?” She answered, “No, I guess I don’t.”

I’m ready to find some professional help to dig into my insecurity issues. I’ve called a couple therapists to try to setup initial consultations and neither was accepting new clients. Guessing the Plague has made everyone neurotic and these guys have no shortage of work. Will keep calling around.

MRP_Viper · 2021-02-07T07:03:09+00:00

OYS #1

30 - 5'9 - 83kg/182lb

Engaged, 8 years, no kids.

No structure to this one. Will have more structure next time.

I've lurked these parts before, back when I couldn't see past my ego. I got roasted posting an OYS, deservedly, and over the past few years I've been on a path to address my shit. I've got some way to go.

For the past few years I've been loving a double life. I can't express myself sexually, and it's drained the life out of me. It's made me a weak loser, and I'm sick of being this way.

My vice? I regularly turn to tinder to initiate online 'flings' with random girls involving sexting, pic trading etc. because I find it easier to express myself through my phone than to confront my demons face to face.

I've not met any of them in person, because again, I can't express myself in person. Too fucking confronting. Fake name, fake photo, cocky bio. I've become efficient at it because I've wasted so much life on that app.

Of course, I've kept it completely hidden from everyone including my mates, even my fucking shrink. Because I'm ashamed of who I am.

And because I spend so much time on my phone addicted to tinder, I'm neglecting my responsibilities as a partner, and generally as a man. My work has suffered, my health has suffered.

It's a fucking pathetic coping mechanism and I need to do something about it.

I need to be able to express myself to my fiance, be as attractive to her as possible, and bring all of my suppressed feelings to the surface.

There's plenty more I could work on and say, but for now that's my goal.

Plan:

I'm going to start rereading the sidebar when I post this comment and STFU.

Tomorrow I restart stronglifts.

Will report back.

jfr1977 · 2021-02-02T14:49:27+00:00

OYS # 4

Stats:
Age: 43
Heights: 6’4” / 194cm
Weight: 220 lb / 100 kg
Married, three kids aged 8, 7 & 1

It’s been about 18 months since I last posted in OYS. I’ve continued with the readings on and off. Things have materially improved, but looking to use the OYS as another form of accountability for myself.

Exercise:
Doing Stronglifts 5x5
Squats - 5 x 115kg / 255 lbs
Bench - 5 x 95kg / 210 lbs
Deadlift - 5 x 155kg / 340 lbs

Health and fitness is going well. Training about five times per week, alternating lifting and CrossFit.

Commitment for week: Zero sugar or pasta.

Self:

Meditation practice firmly in place. Very consistent for the past four months.

Commitment for week: Decide on and sign up for the first course for 2021. (Goal for the year is to complete four personal development courses).

Work:

My business has taken a serious knock due to the pandemic, but we’re still going. I've been struggling to focus at work, and am getting distracted by unimportant issues & procrastination.

Commitment for the week: Implement “The One Thing” every work day.

Finances:

Finances are a little bit in the toilet. I’ve been on a reduced salary since the beginning of the pandemic. I'm not expecting major dividends over the next several months. Luckily we have some reserves, but need to focus on my second business to generate funds in 2021, because the primary business is in a compromised industry and won't really recover until Q3 or Q4.

Commitment for week: Get finances fully up to date on system.

Kids:

Generally very positive. I'm trying to take responsibility for organizing a full schedule of fun stuff, and putting in the hours to ensure that I’m engaged.

Commitment for the week: Organise camping weekend with son. Organise family beach session.

Wife:

Slightly frosty at the moment. I’ve been withdrawing attention after rejection. Massively improved in terms of STFU, shit tests, not acting butt hurt when initiations are rejected. General trend is improvement, but a long way from where I want to be.

Commitment for week: Complete reading SGM.

fix-the-man · 2021-02-02T13:52:48+00:00

OYS #13

Stats: 35 M, 5'11", 210 lbs.; Wife 36, 5'0", 100 lbs; 1 kid, 5

Books: NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, TRM, What a Year of Owning Your Shit Looks Like, Pook, TWOTSM, PFPFTPM, Day Bang, MAP

Lifts: SL 5x5

BP 140 BBR 145 SQ 145 DL 155 OHP 90 2 mile run 3x / wk

I bought a knee brace this week for squatting. Liked it for lifting. Tried it during my runs too, but I don't think I need it then.

Mental: I've been trying to self-assess my frame this week. I did a lot of appearing to NGAF this week, but it was mostly bullshit. Over the course of days, my frame weathered down to letting myself getting into an argument and then comfort building. It had the short term benefit of making things peaceful and harmonious in the house, but I feel it as a failure on my part as I was summarily put right back in my box. A bigger box than before, but still a box.

Relationship: This week there wasn't much work on the relationship as my wife was mostly in bed watching Netflix in a state of depression. This happens from time to time. I've spent time in the past trying to fix it, and that's usually resulted in me promising to do better on something or giving up something. I was trying to do better this time.

Most nights, I would go into the room, offer something-- sex, time together, something that wasn't sitting with a phone-- then go do my own thing when my offer was turned down. Eventually, things came to a head, and I was told I don't show an interest in her life and I needed to sit with her in bed and ask her about her shows.

She yelled a lot. I held calm. My big issue is that she came close to nuking the whole thing, and I didn't let her. I'm not ready to nuke this thing. I can't tell if it's because I truly believe it's salvageable and I can have the life I want. Or if it's because I'm scared of losing the idea.

It's probably the last one. That's why this felt like such a failure to me. I didn't end up giving anything up this time. I didn't say I was wrong or apologize for anything I didn't really feel sorry for and we fucked that night the way I wanted to fuck. But I learned that I'm not ready to nuke this, which is going to be a huge issue for my progression mentally.

I don't fap anymore. I may not fuck holes much yet. But I don't fuck hands.

DirtyNuke · 2021-02-02T12:07:32+00:00

OYS 78

Age 65 Ht 5'11" Wt 180 Wife 67 Married 44 Together 47

Physical - A while ago I was worried about how my left arm was acting like my right did just before the triceps tore off. The MRI showed arthritis and some muscle tear. I've been using a CBD cream (on both arms) since, and FWIW I'm no longer experiencing those scary symptoms on the left, and I'm getting better lock-out strength results on the recovering right.

Reading, meditating: TWOTSM, archives

Work / Career - A few meetings and discussions with old colleagues and business partners regarding "what comes next" (that is, after my current contract ends). At this point I still have the luxury of exploring "what I want to be when I grow up". Eventually I'll be in "what can I get" mode. My OYS in this is dealing with internal mental dialog when people contact me about some project that they have. Am I able to do what they want? What value do they expect me to provide? Etc.

Financial - PSA

BIL Indicator flashing red. My brother-in-law texted wanting to know how to "get in on" options and short squeezes. There is not a more reliable indicator of the end than that. It is not something I would try to explain to him even if I wanted to.

Guiltandshame99 · 2021-02-03T23:34:37+00:00

OYS#1 Me: 33 years. Wife 32 years. Married 8 years together 13 years. 2 children under 10. Wife currently pregnant with our 3rd 6’2” 196 lbs body fat percentage 17% Lifts OHP 85 – 8 reps Pull-up bodyweight + 8 lbs- 8 reps Squat- 145- 10 reps Bench press- 135x10 reps Barbell row 85x8 reps (might need to go down on weight to better form)

Sidebar: Reading WISNIFG, NMMNG, MMSLP, and MAP Listening to riant Stone videos on some of the above sources Been reading a lot of jack10hearts archived posts

I posted before in ASKMRP but deleted posts about a month ago because I needed a more anonymous account. If think I am the captain with the passenger and in the codependent spectrum. I felt in April 2020 that if I did not change that on was going a track to lose my wife and felt like I had no purpose or drive. I was fat (obese), played videogames, and was not the father, husband, man I wanted to be. Our sex life has two times per month probably on average recently and slowly been declining for many years.

My short victim puke is that my father was injured building a playset for me and my sibling and ultimately had to be placed in a nursing home before passing. My mom made me lie in court as a child about my father or told me she was going to put my younger sibling and I on the streets. As primary custodian for my sibling and I my mother was alcoholic who both neglectful and physically abusive. While I acted forever that this did not bother me I had significant guilt related to what happened.
I started therapy in Oct of 2020 and it has been helpful in addressing my guilt and as well as coming to many other insights. Doing some of the work in here I liked the idea of centered tree which draws comparison to the oak, which ultimately having that strength or having my dad’s strength and being a leader is what I would like to have as a goal. Ultimately though I just need to do a lot of work to be even able to have a goal other than fixing the mess I have become over the years.

I started losing weight in April at 255lbs 30+% body fat and have come down my current weight. I also have been adding lifting the goal to hit the lifts and keep increasing my numbers. I want to continue to build strength and would like to between 10-15% body fat while continuing to build muscle. This is an area that I have been doing well in and plan to continue to work now towards lifts instead of weight loss. Lifting and counting calories or following a diet is straightforward enough that has been helpful as this is an area in my life I am doing well.

Relationship has been terrible because of me over the past year forever because of me being a poor leader, not doing what I should have been doing the whole time, looking for my wife as my oak, and being a needy women. I think have treated my wife like she is my mother so it is no wonder that attraction or our relationship would be an issue. We are each other’s first so I probably I have serious oneitis as well. I have always been reactive to her mood when I needed to be strong.

I also have not yet learned that I need to just STFU. I talk to much and it always backfires with my wife. At best I occasionally use fogging and negative assertions/inquiries some effect. I noticed that when I STFU I can see her hamster spinning at times like the I used to still do at times unfortunately using all the DEER nonsense that gets me nowhere.

Goal-eliminate all validation seeking behavior and develop a strong frame. Also, learn to STFU until I can appropriately use fogging, negative assertions/inquiry, A&A, and AM.

I thought things had gotten better in November and dec when our sex life improved, but that was error in looking at sex as outcome metric. Reading WISNIFG has helped to set boundaries. I realized that my guilt had kept me from wanting anything so I had this nice guy covert contracts everywhere to get my desires met. I was not anywhere near authentic in expressing that I just wanted things. I also have felt angry that everyone in my life has manipulate me; however, the truth here is that I allowed them to do this and engaged in counter-manipulation as well.

My libido has also tanked, after man in the worlds post on validation in sex. I realized that this was another area that affected me. I had been slowly giving up porn and this further capitulated this to the point where I have only looked once over the past 3 months and plan to stop completely. It also has helped to me cope with rejection when engaging and not being butthurt when rejected, which has happened the entirety of Jan, after hitting highs in Nov/Dec. Don’t know how much of this is me being unattractive vs her being sick in first trimester. I am still trying to pursue but stuff is not firing right.

I have had what feels like two recent successes with boundaries and saying no. I went to store on my way home from work instead of hiding it even after my wife demanded that I come home, and another time when my wife demanded that I stop folding laundry and come watch out kids so she complete a work e-mail. I just said no but I would come down in a few minutes. Both resulted in epic S storms in which I was accused of not caring about and crying was involved. I just tried to remain quiet and absorb a few comments via fogging. When things calmed down I even extended comfort and the one time it was batted away did not display any emotion like I would have in the past. I will be honest I really struggle with shit tests, comfort tests, or shitty comfort tests whatever these actually are. I feel like I have to use WISNIFG skills instead of AM and A&A to keep her from burning the house as Jack10hearts put it. I am trying to be the oak without being responsible for her emotions like I had in the past. Any insight here is welcome. I need to be stronger here but, since my wife has become pregnant again she has commented that I look worse since I have gotten more fit, that she never wants to sleep with me and dreads it, and yesterday in bed she elbowed me while I was sleeping by her and told me that she never wanted to sleep on her again. I don’t know if this is run of the mill shit tests or the pregnancy, as things did seem like they were improving some at the end of last year.

As far as work goes things have been good here. I feel generally happier at work probably because of the work I have been on myself. My job pays well. I have been more assertive at work and better able to delegate. This has resulted in bonuses towards the end of last year, along with good relations with my work peers.

Tl:dr: my first OYS info dump. I am sure I will skewered and no doubt deserve it but I want to start posting my reflections and hopefully this can help me build frame/person I want to be so that I can make decisions from there.

jaackknives · 2021-02-02T17:00:16+00:00

OYS # 35

34 yo, 6’1”, 190 lbs, 15% BF. Wife 35 yo, 5’8”, 175 lbs. Married 10 years, together 16 years. 1 kid (6). Squat 255x5, Bench 200x3, Deadlift 320x5, OHP 130x4, PClean 185X2.

Reading

Completed WISNIFG, NMMNG x2, MMSL x2, SGM, TRM, MAP x2, Pook, Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, TWOTSM, Bigger Leaner Stronger, 48 LOP, Models, Saving a Low Sex Marriage, Bang.

Audiobooks: NMMNG, TWOTSM x3, Day Bang, The Art of Seduction, Game by Roosh, Mystery Method.

Sex

Last week I had my first glimpse of the sex really picking up. Hypergamy had a lot to do with it, but my initiations are better as well. I had started initiating halfway through my workday (I work at home) and was having a lot of success. Things died down a bit over the weekend, mainly from my lack of initiating. I began to have doubts creeping in as to whether or not things would continue. Was there a permanent change, or is it a short-term effect until I’m put back in my box? I suppose the answer to that is up to me.

Yesterday while on my lunch break, I initiated again and took a direct approach. Wanted to make my desires known. I said that I enjoyed our “midday activities” last week, and wanted them to continue. Received positive feedback. That doubt creeping in my head was just that - in my head. Pressed on and initiated. Pulled her to the bed. A couple of rounds of LMR . Was once again asked “What do you want today?”.

I have been paying attention to what my body tells me. Feeling when I get the urge to have sex, and initiating when I feel that desire. Initiating strongly, letting my desires be known, putting myself out there.

One likely area of improvement. When I know my wife desires sex, I am able to have a much more confident attitude. For example, one afternoon last week in that scenario I had her start sucking on me midday. I eased her into it, and pretty soon she was eager. I let her continue on for a bit, then stopped it. My attitude at the time was that I’m teasing her by allowing her to suck on my cock. Just a tease until later.

Most of the time, however, I’m not able to have this attitude. I think this is because I don’t yet view sex with my wife as being abundant. I don’t view myself as the prize, but I’m getting closer.

Mental

With the sex picking up, I’m not at a place mentally where I thought I’d be. I’m getting the sexual frequency (at least for the past week and half) on a level that I would have only dreamed about before coming to MRP. Was I time I would have been overcome with joy (validation). Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the sex, but something else just feels a bit lackluster. The quality needs to improve (that’s on me), but there’s something else.

The thought I keep asking myself lately is whether or not my wife is the one I want to be having sex with. My bar has been raised, and I’m currently viewing her under that bar. The SMV gap is large. Three options I see available to me: acceptance, lead her to where I want her to be, or trade her in for a new model.

Family / Home

Wife and son both had birthdays late last week. This is a great time of year, as I always plan a weekend of activities. This year was no different, probably more than most years have been.

Friday night I took my son downhill skiing. Not his first time, but it’s hard for me to let him go, let him outside of my protection. Towards the end, he told me “Daddy, just let me go down the hill by myself.” Alright. I let go. He fell once, then was able to cruise down the entire run without falling. It was one of the proudest moments I’ve had with him.

Saturday and Sunday were also fun days of activities, all planned by me. They had fun. I had fun.

SufficientNorth- · 2021-02-02T13:20:56+00:00

OYS #5

Health: Lifts this week: DL 315 x 10, close grip BP 225 x 1, squat 285 x 5, hex bar deadlift 385 x 3

Relationship: Seeing some results from fogging when I’m confronted. I don’t know what kind of test it is (shit vs comfort) and not that it really matters I guess in this context, but I was confronted about some BS from Instagram and why such and such girl follows me, why did I follow this girl, etc. This was always a big blind spot for me and right now I am all about no DEERing, no bullshit, either STFU or fogging. My only responses were either “you’re right, i guess that is dumb.” Or the straight up truth. Last week I got great feedback about just being honest and stop caring so much about her reactions - in other words quit being a bitch. Blarg’s advice to work on not being defensive about literally anything has been on my mind for the week. Implementing that every chance I get to choose the non-defensive route. Result - shit was de escalated within 20 minutes and that night it was as if it never happened. A month ago we would have been still arguing about it 3 days later.

The experienced guys here are right when they say your woman can teach you a lot about yourself and they will highlight your weaknesses (test your congruency). My woman has even said to me before in arguments that I’m behaving like a judgmental prick and that I’m reacting to everything with my ego. I dismissed that in the moment and thought she was just bitching, but in the back of my mind somewhere I had to have known she was right or I wouldn’t have stayed. Somewhere deep down I must have known that this was my fault.

I understand that it took years of training to internalize the wrong way of doing things and I know it could take years to internalize the correct (or at least a better) way of behaving with women.

Personal development: Paying close attention to the fogging examples in Rian Stone’s WISNIFG series on YouTube. Keeping in mind at every possible opportunity to always choose to NOT be defensive, practicing this any chance I get. Looking for opportunities to stop people-pleasing and stop seeking validation. For example, I’m in a group chat with some guys from work where we share workouts and compete with one another - this is where I’ve caught myself sending my PRs or workouts from that day and wondered if this is healthy competition, or am I seeking validation?

Professional development: waking up an hour earlier every day from now on to get a head start on schoolwork, before work. Waking up first for some reason tends to be a confidence booster for me, I feel like I get the advantage on the day. I greatly underestimated waking up early.

oobertas · 2021-02-05T18:33:28+00:00

1

5' 8" b. ’82 m. '05 several kids

163 lbs. 15% navy

Bench 5x5x173 squat 5x5x230 dead 3x5x301

2020 was pivotal. Ended it shedding 35 pounds and 13 navy bf points. Discovered MRP, PUA, and NLP. Began it completely ignorant that such a thing as frame exists; ended it with a whole tool bag for expanding and growing it. Began it reading only history and philosophy; ended it reading over 30 books, many of them more than twice, about MRP, NLP, and PUA concepts. Began it hating my work; ended it liking my job after having made preparations to leave my firm and hang a shingle. Began it with an inauthentic judgmental and self-repressed religious mindset; ended it with a vasectomy and having had more and better sex than ever and letting go of all judgment about people and their God(s), sex and thoughts. Began it afraid of divorce; end it with a full contingency plan in place. Began it not knowing who I am; ended it knowing fundamentally I'm a thing growing beyond the concepts I have to this point learned and used.

For the last several weeks my frame has been on average like a molten lava flow, just incorporating whatever comes into contact with it and carrying it the direction I'm heading, which is paced, not hurried, but also not altogether predictable. But is definitely directional, though being pulled by a mysterious gravitational force of some sort. It's burned some people; others have accepted its warmth. It's been fluid, but also carving a groove. Learning to find resilience in fluidity, rather than striving to be iron-clad, has made all the difference.

My most obvious flaw is some kind of projection/covert contract/outcome dependence problem where I try to fix my wife's negative and limiting thinking and I get disappointed that she's so persistent in doing it. I'm addressing it by taking it as feedback that my frame is not yet as solid as I want it to be, that I'm not yet modeling fully what I myself aspire to be, and reminding myself that her growth is mostly up to her and doesn't have anything to do with me, nor does she have anything to do with my growth. These reminders help, but they feel forced. I have a sense that I don't yet fully see the entirety of my flaw or problem. In fact, I'm not sure yet whether the issue is a problem that can be solved or is more of a tension to be managed. I suspect the former, but am not yet certain.

That issue is just the most prominent flaw I see, though I see others and know far more exist than I can see.

The process of learning about myself and my potential and self-actualization, and the challenge and opportunity it presents, has been the single most intriguing and exhilarating aspect of the year and I feel like have a fundamentally new way of living that I know will be fundamentally different and better at some unknown future. It's very exciting. Extremely empowering.

seeingred81 · 2021-02-03T21:27:58+00:00

OYS #3

Physical Stats: 39 years old, 5’11, 218 lbs, ~25% bodyfat, 305 lb bench, 355 lb hex bar deadlift, 7 bodyweight pullups

Relationship: together almost 8 years, 6.5 and 2.5 year old kids

Books read: NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG Way of the Superior Man

Reading: MAP - this is just what I need to be reading right now

Career: No change here. Still working part time while directing more energy to career transition.

Social: Made plans to get together with my brother (who lives locally) for a bit after the kids are in bed tonight. I assumed wife would be angry about it but she seemed supportive.

Gym/health: Continuing to work out in my garage. Guided my wife through her 3rd session and then she just sat there and happily hung out with me while I completed my workout. It was a bit distracting having her there but on the other hand I enjoyed the positive interaction. I'm enjoying my new routine but feeling stuck on the weight loss. Clothes are fitting a little better but the weight is about the same. Bought a new scale as the old one was broken.

GOALS: Short term goal is just get under 210 while maintaining strength. Long term is get a 6-pack.

Relationship: PMS from hell resulted in 3 angry days and 3 super depressed days, but that is improving. Hormones suck, I don't know how chicks deal with that. I struggle with blaming her and being angry when she is being negative and am working on reframing the situation as being a result of my failures. I am using that emotional energy to better myself. While I have a ways to go, it is starting to become more natural. STFU is still proving to be a great tool. Last night after I kissed my wife good night she responded with a sincere-feeling "I love you" which felt positive, especially after the previous week of hormonal hell. I'm being aware of not getting hooked on validation seeking. I found some old MRP posts about depressed/anxious wives and they really were spot on and put a lot of things in context for me.

GOALS: Continue STFU, finish MAP, working on my mission. Figure something along the lines of providing a good future for my kids and helping others with their health.

Family: Doing pretty good with the kiddos. Basically I just need to focus on being a better version of me and otherwise keep doing what I’m doing with them.

Hobbies: I enjoy reading, writing, meditation, and board games. I've been somewhat successful in protecting me time, and am realizing that it is good for both of us to have along time apart (wtf, why did I think this WASN'T the case ever? I know this already!)

MOST IMPORTANT GOALS SUMMARY: Take time for myself for study, exercise, and hobbies. Stop over-caring and STFU. Keep reading and post OYS. No change here, feel like I made a bit of progress. Losing weight is the one that I feel stuck on.

Top_Ranger6006 · 2021-02-03T10:54:28+00:00

OYS 3

Stats: Age 36, Wife 35, married 13 years. 2 kids ages 4 and 6, 180cm and 84kg roughly 15% BF

Read: NMMNG, MAP, MMSLP, The Game, Way of the Superior Man, 48 laws of power, Rational Male, WISNIFG

Lift: Started Stronglifts in early Jan and am at 45kg squat, 40kg Bench and 65kg DL for 5x5.

Mission:

Moving this upfront because it helps cut through the bullshit and focus on the essential.

My current mission is to make a positive impact on the world using my unique gifts, starting with my children and then radiating outwards. This could be 1 specific big thing or a bunch of smaller things, it’s about building my own capabilities and then identifying areas where I can apply those capabilities to make an impact.

In the next 20-30 years I also expect to amass a decent amount of capital which I will then deploy into something meaningful when I’m done working in a full-time job. Right now my activity related to my mission is 80% focused on being a good rolemodel for my kids.

This isn’t fully baked into my mindset yet which I think is important when driving intentions and deciding what to take action on and what to ignore as inconsequential. It might take a couple of months to get to that point but will be worthwhile.

Sex and Game:

Still STFU it’s pissing my wife off more when she disagrees with me and I don’t engage her hamster but I just maintain STFU and make plans for what I think is right. I don’t care anymore what she has to say or what she wants to do. I focus on what I think is right in service of my mission and I don’t have much of an interest in being distracted from that.

I no longer regularly feel resentment about the lack of sex in the relationship (though it sometimes rears up from time to time). Broke my nofap and noporn streak, refocused on being noporn for the moment.

I have a birthday coming up and plan to go out on my own for a nice meal and to treat myself. My wife hasn’t asked about birthday plans yet but if/when she does I’m just going to tell her I’ve made plans and they do not involve her.

Career and Finances:

This area of my life is going the best, I’m at a good level careerwise, good income and financially in a strong position vs others my age, especially I am the sole breadwinner.

There is an interesting opportunity coming up on the horizon that I may move into the next 12 months, it fits my mission better and is more aligned to an opportunity in the market which I’ve spotted but cannot take full advantage of in my current role.

Fatherhood:

My oldest started school recently and that is going better than expected. I still read to them every night and am doing a better job of maintaining frame and composure when they do something which would ordinarily annoy me. Setting my kids on the right path is the most important day-to-day activity in service of my mission right now because in a few years my window to influence their character will be pretty much closed.

Goals for this week:

Keep building mission-focused mindset. Stay calm around everyone with whom I interact. Stay noporn. Keep lifting and upping the weight every session. STFU.

Zesty807 · 2021-02-03T08:10:58+00:00

OYS #4

Me: 36 years, 82.3kg, 1.78cm (5ft10)

The missus: 37 years, together 13 years, de facto 6 years

2 kids, under 4

Bench, 72.5kgx5; Squat, 85kgx5; Deadlift 105kgx6, Overhead press, 50kgx6. These are my current top lifts on 5/3/1. This is my first 4 week cycle and I’m still calibrating my estimated 1RMs.

Reading: NMMNG, MMSLP both (still) in progress. Reading the OYS thread, and listening to the livestream. Working my way through the material regularly now.

Relationship

Progress is mixed. I focused a whole lot of sex early in the piece, and I have been doing that less. Which in some ways is good, since I realised I was hungry for validation through sex. But, it has meant less sex. So I hope this is a case short term losses for long term gains.
This hurts a bit to say but I asked for a bj the other night, weakly. I was already in bed going to sleep, missus comes in and I looked up and said something lame like ‘will you give me a bj’. She laughed, and patted me on the head. Fuck me. What a pitiful situation.
I’m sort of running a ‘remove attention approach, and at other times a bit of game. But I’m not really aligned in my shit. I’m still just throwing shit at the wall. So my current solution is to keep reading. I’m working through NMMNG each day.

Work, home, etc.

All this stuff is going well. Physically I’m getting in really good shape. I’m making more money at work and seeing pathways to doing better work too. House-wise I’m making big progress on some large projects. Socially I have been a bit shit, so some stuff to work on there. Weekly sport with a bunch of guys starts up again next week. I need to organise more activities with friends.

Summary

Still reading, progress on physical, work and life admin fronts. Relationship ‘fine’, but I’m all over the show leading here. Keep reading, organise something with a friend.

Kleptos5000 · 2021-02-02T23:26:15+00:00

OYS #5

Age 36 W 36 – Married 17 years. 3 kids

5’9 155lbs 12% BF

Lifts: Squat - 225 5x5 DL - 185 3x10 BP – 165 5x5

READING: I’ve read most of the sidebar twice. Currently rereading Models.

Physical: I lost a couple of extra pounds due to not eating because of depression. I’ve fixed it and will drink Ensure or protein shakes to hit my calorie goal going forward. Worked out 6 times this week.

Social: Spent time away multiple times this week. I’m doing better at building a “life away” and reconnecting with old friends.

Marriage: I’m all over the place. My wife told me on Monday of last week that she didn’t love me and hasn’t ever loved me. I got laid on Thursday. I talked to her about getting off of the SSRI’s again and got nowhere. Her behavior is erratic and it’s fucking me up because I’m responding to it. It’s like the medication has turned her into a completely different person. She’s manic.

I have an apartment lined up for the end of the month. I know that if I can’t get her off of the medication, we have no future together. It’s only a matter of time before she does something stupid that we can’t come back from.

CheapRPwhiskey · 2021-02-02T18:23:16+00:00

My OYS last week was halfhearted and a knee jerk reaction. It was made fun in predictable fashion and I own that garbage.

I'll elaborate a little more on where I was coming from. When I did my first stay here, I internalized so much and my life is significantly better because of it. I do what I want when I want with very little to no resistance and when I meet resistance, IDGAK. I have lifted for the last 4 years and am quite comfortable in what my body/mind has transformed to because of it. I like my job and I'm not here to talk about who I wanna be as a father.

So when I said my OYS's will contain very little of that, I meant it. If I have a question about weight lifting, I'll ask my gym owner who is highly knowledgable. I'm not wasting my efforts here on that.

The meat and potatoes to why I am here is that I've ignored a part of this whole thing and I now fully realize it. I need to unfuck my relationship with my sexuality. That's the biggest shit in my life, so I'm gonna fix it. If you don't agree with me, then call me a faggot an keep scrolling. Obviously, things will come up that I need to own, but it's not my main focus.

NO FAP

Gone 7 days now. I haven't gone 7 days since I got fixed. The 7 days before that was when I was like 9 or 10. It's actually been really easy thus far.

MY FAGGOTY VALIDATION OF MY EGO

This was a huge realization for me this week. I've come to realize that even the way I view random chicks is validation seeking beta behavior. Like, when I see a chick who strikes my attention, I may check out her tits or ass, but the biggest thought that goes through my head is "what would people think if Cheap Whiskey was fucking that bitch?".

Only now do I see the true toxicity in this school of thought. I'm trying to focus on nothing but my raw sexual desire for any chick I choose to check out.

This may sound gay, but it's how I see it.

itsunclejerry · 2021-02-02T15:44:20+00:00

OYS #16 When money is not a problem

Stats: 41, wife 34, daughter 3, 5'6", 145lbs, 15% (Navy)

Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MAP, MMSLP, The Game

Lift: SQ 150lbs, BP 150lbs, ROW 150lbs, OHP 90lbs, DL 150lbs (resistance bands)

Good news is coming from the gym. They're back open this week. I have made reservation for tomorrow. As I continue with improving my physical state, I have decided to get braces as my birthday gift. I have scheduled an exam appointment with a nearby orthodontist for next week. This will be one expensive gift for myself.

Sex is stalled to none this week. I might have pushed too hard. Or it might be because I didn't initiate enough. I think it is more of that I don't know how to initiate well. I don't know. At this point, it felt like testing the fence and I got zapped everytime I got too close.

I noticed that I got less ask for doing errands lately. She would walk out to the front door to check for any delivery herself now. I feel bad. Maybe I'm a total beta that missed to be pushed around.

Trading worked for me. I met my monthly target of 10% gain in January. I keep notes on each trade in my notebook. It's good that I can reread my reasoning on each trade to understand my blindspot better. I have a bad habit of averaging down on losers. This month I bump up my goal to 12%.

"When money is not a problem, what do I want to do?". This question popped up this week as I worked on my finance. Not too surprisingly, I don't really have any answer to it. It really is bothering me. For now, I will stick with my goals as I have put it in my previous OYS.

Goal until next OYS: Recalibrate my daily routine with gym schedule.

Beneficial_Secret_81 · 2021-02-02T15:00:32+00:00

OYS Week 3

Stats: 43, wife 39, 7 kids, 242lb/6ft, 29% navy bodyfat

Lifts: Squat 215lbx5, Bench 180lbx10, Deadlift 225lbx6, Overhead 130lbx6

Complete: NMMNG, Reading: WISNIFG

Fitness

I am lifting 5 days a week for 1.5-2 hours. I am steadily creeping up. I keep finding problems with my form. My main lifts are getting more solid and consistent. The squat bar still always feels like it's in a slightly different place. Accessories are still giving me trouble. Front squats, rows, and sumo deadlifts are still mostly form practice. It is a whole new feeling to bend at even a 45 degree angle without rounding the small of my back. I did two sessions of cardio.

I have kept to my diet (~1500cal/day) this week and have lost 1 more pound (5 total). I also fasted one day this week.

Fat

I am astounded at my ability to delude myself that I'm not that fat, that I carry it well, that it's not that bad, etc. I had a breakthrough moment while trying to lance a boil on my back. I was twisting around to get to it and there was so much fat in my way and I couldn't push it aside. It is like my body is wrapped in a fifty pound bag of wet rubbery sand. I am disgusted with my fat as much as my self-delusion.

Sex

As expected, the honeymoon fucking from her self-help book dried up quickly. I did fuck her once though and I let myself have more fun with it, doing more of what I want, changing positions, pounding hard, etc. I am still too scared to just do whatever I feel like. I know that I don't have the frame/attractiveness to master her, especially with stuff she's said she doesn't like or has asked me not to do. My libido is still running strong after so many months of dysfunction, probably better than it has in many years.

Shit

Shit tests have resumed at a steady flow. They are amusing me because I had been expecting them. Pleasantly, these are run-of-the-mill and haven't veered into contempt. I've been trying to have fun with them. I know the contempt is going to come back, and I need to deal with it effectively when it does. I'm nervous about this. I'm emotionally slow and It takes me a while to figure out what is happening unless I'm looking for it. Boundaries are my biggest personal failure (even more than fat) and there are a lot of pitfalls like Rambo, Flooding, Butthurt, etc.

'In time, they also learn that boundary setting isn't about getting other people to be different, but about getting themselves to be different. If someone is crossing their boundary, it isn't the other person's problem, it is theirs.' - NNMNG

Shit

I know I haven't been taking care of a lot of stuff for a long time. Sometimes the shit tests are too complicated for me to figure out if it's an OYS issue (particularly for a shared responsibility) or an unreasonable demand, but I am improving my ability to spot bullshit. I haven't really been worried about passing, my only goal is to not be a pussy about it. Every part of me wants to point out the inconsistency in stuff she says, but I know this is pussy behavior. I know I just want her to acknowledge that I am good/worthy and was reasonable/considerate in my actions. I am trying to put this thinking to death.

More Shit

I watched some of the TV show Hoarders. This couple and their kids were wading through a foot of laundry, toys, and garbage and old food. The couple was just standing there complaining about it. All they needed to fix it was to clean up. Someone should beat them. They could have cleaned the whole house in a weekend by themselves. I realized I was exactly like them. They could do a show about me. I just see the therapist looking at me with grave concern and pity. "And how long has it been since you took care of x, y, and z.?" I let shit I want to get done sit for weeks and then years because of perfectly good reasons, and then they don't get done. So now "Just fix it." is playing like a mantra in my head. Every time I encounter something that irritates me and I start to complain, I now hear "Just fix it." on repeat.

Asshole

The word used to terrify me. It meant I'm not considering others and not taking care of my responsibilities. Now it means I'm a suave bad-boy who can overcome 30% bodyfat with his devil-may-care attitude. I've just got to work hard to thread the needle between being an asshole(bad) and being called an asshole(good). The problem is I'm still seeking external validation.

Acknowledgement is worthless. Praise is just a tool for manipulation. People use it to build rapport and to get you to work on the weekend for free. Praise is how you train a dog to be obedient.

So what is the right kind of asshole? Maybe the right kind of asshole is the one who takes care of his responsibilities and just doesn't worry about other people second-guessing him.

'My definition of integrity is "deciding what feels right and doing it."' - NNMNG

NMMNG

Most of this book was spot on… Fixing, Shame Dumping, Caretaking, Hiding the Evidence, DEER, and Teflon all described me perfectly. The therapy tone and root-cause analysis of childhood abandonment seemed like crap. My guess is that nice-guy behavior isn't a special case, but is more natural and common to human experience than not, especially for those raised under feminism. I'd guess that it is more determined by someone's confidence and skillset in assertiveness, self-determinism, and setting boundaries. I feel like the author was trying too hard to win the approval of Dr. Phil, and that it could have been better if he was a little more brutal.

NMMNG Takeaways

"Mature people take responsibility for their actions. When they make a mistake or act inappropriately, they apologize, make amends, or repair the damage."

"Seeking women's approval gives women the power to set the tone of the relationship."

"Seeking women's approval creates rage toward women."

"As long as Nice Guys are disconnected from men or believe they are different from other men, they cut themselves off from the many positive benefits of male companionship and the power of a masculine community."

"She doesn't feel safe knowing she can push you around. She wants to know that you will stand up to her. That is how she will feel secure in the relationship. But, here's the catch. She has to test to see if she can trust you. The first time you set a boundary with her she may react intensely. She will push against it. She will tell you that you are wrong for setting that boundary. She will do her best to find out if your boundary is for real."

Immediate Goals(30 days or less)

Now organized in priority.

Follow my diet plan for the next 7 days
Lose 10 more pounds
Lift 5 days this week
Enforce a boundary around contemptuous behavior
Do a pullup
Deadlift 300lb
Do 10 dips
Organize Workspace
Complete 2018 and business and tax paperwork
Finish When I Say No I Feel Guilty
Run a mile in 12 min.

Completed Goals

~~Run a mile~~ - it wasn't fast but I did it
~~Do 3 Dips~~ - did 6 sets of 3.5 dips
~~Lift 5 days this week~~
~~Follow my diet plan for the next 7 days~~
~~Finish No More Mr. Nice Guy~~

Patriotofone · 2021-02-09T04:03:56+00:00

OYS #2:

Me: 24 GF: 23

Muay Thai and BJJ are going well. I am doing my best with those goals.

I want to start off my post by apologizing for not posting in a week. I got caught up in the GME craze and it got me thinking a lot about money. It made me realize how much I hate being poor and being dependent upon my parents. I need to marry and have children with my girlfriend before she turns 30 because she might have issues with fertility.

Lately I’ve been feeling lost. I have two paths in front of me.

Take my MCAT and become a doctor but have a mountain of debt while trying to raise a family.
Take a few months to learn JavaScript and try to land a job anywhere and make decent money. Then after having some savings and kids go to medical school later in life.

I honestly don’t know and it’s making me half-ass things. Through my ow initiative I was able to find two jobs that will help me get into Med school so I haven’t been completely lazy but I’ve been half assing my studying for my GRE(backup plan) and MCAT.

I thought my girlfriend and I were doing well but we had a really nasty argument recently. We made up and I got some later that week.

Even though the frequency of the action has increased, I am still the only one initiating and it seems like she’s still just doing it out of obligation and not genuine desire. There was a time where this wasn’t the case at all. I want to return to this.

My gf recently started crying because she thought I was cheating on her and said “it would explain a lot if you were.” I mostly laugh this stuff off but I feel like there is a better way to respond. I used to spend all my time with her and now it been maybe 2/3 days a week.

1nt3grity · 2021-02-09T01:39:39+00:00

OYS #6

Stats: Age: 39 Height: 5'11 Weight: 170 BF: 13% Navy Wife: 36 (Married 9) Kid: 1

Readings: Unchained Man, Alpha 2.0, WISNIFG, NMMNG , Rational Male, Book of Pook, MMSLP , MAP, Way of the Superior Man, Sex God Method, How to Win Friends and Influence People (x3), 7 ways to 7 figures, Leaders eat last, Jewish Literacy.

Current: American Icon

Physical / Health: Because of Corona I haven't been going to the gym. I do 100 push ups, 100 squats, and yoga every day. My 7 year old son is doing push ups with me, it feels good being a positive role model.

~~5x5: BP: 210 OP: 160 Row: 150 DL: 225 Squat: 225. Pushups: 100 per day~~ Corona

Career / Finance: I'm purchasing some term life for my family. I have life insurance through my work but want that extra protection. My 401k is growing well and I continue to pound money into it. Goal is to retire when I'm 55. My side hustle with my father in law fell through, he's a weak man who doesn't take action. I had to end it. Ironically that gave my wife the tingles.

Relationship: I still believe my back story to finding redpill doesn't make any difference. I'm not a snowflake. If someone would have pointed to working out when I was a kid, and said this ONE thing will change your whole life I wouldn't have believed it. I'm here to say that's the difference-maker. I'm noticed everywhere I go, the abundance mentality was just a fat beta guy's show before, it's reality now.

I got my wife pregant, breaking a rule of Iron Tomassi (I know...), and we lost the baby at 12 weeks. We have been through some hard shit due to that recently. Her parents never showed empathy and actually treated her horribly. This caused her to get some counseling and it was made super aware to her that her parents have treated her toxically since she was very young. I was the oak in the corner protecting her. The result has been transformational. Her parent's attitude towards my family has shifted - I have set clear boundaries with them and it's well known do not fuck with my family.

Without spending money on bunch of stupid shit I used to buy pre-corona, I'm going to take on some home renovation projects that I've wanted to try. That's going to require some woodworking skills that haven't been attempted since junior high.

MAP: Become a high value male.

Redpdaddy · 2021-02-02T12:27:47+00:00

OYS #4 "Fuckery revealed"
32Y, Divorced 2Y after 10Y relation. 1 4y Kid.
- Weight: 175 lbs 14% fat scale
- Height: 5'10
- BP: 198 LBS RM => 260 LBS Goal
- Squat: 175 LBS RM => 260 LBS Goal
- DL: 319 LBS RM => 440 LBS Goal
- SP: 88 LBS RM => 130 LBS Goal
- BOR: ?

Goals:
- Unfuck myself, be the oak to my son and teach him how to be a real man, live the life I want to and do what I want to do anytime.

Sidebar:
- Rational Male All years, Book of Pook, Poon, Sex God Method, The Way of Men and currently reading MAP, WISNIFG and NMMNG.
- I figured out I didn't read NMMNG and shit man, turns to be all my fuckin sex problems are there. I always had sex for validation, so I am back to basics reading the pre-requisites.

Lifting:-
- I adjusted my numbers to match intermediate levels on here and my ambitious that I would hit advanced levels this year.

Diet:
- Switching to very low carb/high protein with fasting 12:16h to shed the fucking love handles.

Mental:
- I am very angry at myself. I have been fucking myself my whole life. Now all my lies exposed, all the fuckery, all the ego filling the place, It's a very big pit to chew but I am the reason to fail my marriage, I am the reason to be here even though no one told me/taught me. I begun unplugging last year, thought I am a unicorn and turns out I am still full of problems.
No more fuckery, no more scraps, I will unfuck myself even if this is the last thing I will do in my life.

Family:-
- Calendar worked like charm, kid didn't hit, didn't jump on furniture and ate all food with no fuss. He was very receptive and I was in my frame whole time
- Then I snapped one night because I couldn't get him to sleep and pushed him. Then I realized what kind of a faggot pushes a kid and I apologized and promised never to snap again, literally he played for more 15m then slept. Another day same situation happened, I let him play and again he slept in 30m. I need to take it easy, no more snapping.
- My kid realized I am strong and don't get tired from carrying and playing with him. That's good, he knows I hit the gym and do sports so now seed is planted that strength is very important for men.
- I plan to introduce more activities for us, hunting, fishing, jujitsu and more men only gatherings so he understand the importance of that.
- I feel like shit when my kid leaves, house is empty, I am empty, everything is empty, I lift and STFU trying to stick to my goals and fill the void in my heart.

Relationships:
- I have nice pics now, I will start online dating, I will start conversations with random people just for the sake of it.

- Relationship with ex is serving the purpose, everything is going to my plan, I still get shit tests but I never argue, STFU and don't tolerate bad behaviors. I indicated clearly that I ain't no raising another nice guy and my kid isn't responsible to fix any of our feelings so if he doesn't want to do a thing then he won't. And I want him to do something for the sake of it, I will just say it.

Sex:
- I am one of those who OYS about sex, because after NMMNG and couple of topics about sex validation, I figured out that I always had sex for validation. Mr Recovering nice guy. I quit porn last year after 15 years of addiction and have no intention to go back so now I need to stop fantasizing and will do healthy masturbation when I feel like it even with condoms so I face my shame, change my mindset and mentality. I deserve to have better sex, no scraps, to protect my self, to control birth, to have the power in sex, I will get an erection when I want, I won't cum when I don't want to.

Work:
- I secured a deal with a client that will get the company some money to hire couple of people.
- I released my own website to build my own online persona which is a step of my plan for this year.
- I had a meeting with my manager and asked to double my profit, I wasn't enough prepared but the guy didn't refuse, I was more focused to remain in my frame so I am presenting this week my plans that deserves this kind of increase. I got in a very bad mode after that meeting for asking what I deserve, I felt like shit, I ain't no prize no more, I am just another loser. I stopped self sabotaging, got a deep breath and a plan to nail it.

Finances:
Started to have some buffer so feels abundant again, plan to save more and close debts mid of year.

P.s I will be out of OYS until I read the basics well and have a better view over myself.

Beneficial_Secret_81 · 2021-02-02T12:05:12+00:00

[deleted]

thenextme2020 · 2021-02-04T18:01:30+00:00

OYS #6

Mid 30’s / 6ft / 170lb

Married: 10 years / Children: 1 toddler, 1 infant.

Mission

I don’t know what my mission is yet. For the moment, my mission is to find my inner compass and rebuild myself starting from there.

Reading

I’ve been reading MRP mostly. Almost done re-reading WISNIFG

Fitness/Diet

Haven’t ordered an olympic barbell, weights, and a rack yet after realizing I don’t have enough space in my garage. Need to make time to get rid of a bunch of shit, including my excuses. Lifts below. Finally got my adjustable dumbbell set so I can now up the weight and do fewer reps.

Chest/Triceps on 3x per week. Shoulders, Biceps and Back the other 3. Legs on day 7 - typically some kind of 30m routine involving lunges and deadlifts with dumbells.
Flat Chest Press: Dumbells, 80lb total, 6 sets, 15 reps.
Incline Chest Press: Dumbells, 80lb total, 4 sets, 15 reps.
Tricep extensions: 15lb dumbells. 6 sets each arm 15 reps.
Shoulder press: 30lb dumbells, 6 sets, 15 reps.
Narrow Row: 20lb dumbells, 6 sets, 15 reps.
Wide Row: 20lb dumbells, 6 sets, 15 reps.
Shrugs: 20lbs dumbells, 3 sets, 10 reps
Reverse Flys: 15lb dumbells, 6 sets, 10 reps
Y’s: 10lbs dumbells, 6 sets, 10 reps

Mental/Mindset

As I continue to STFU I’m able to observe the patterns around me. I still want to control everything around me. It’s my first instinct when things aren’t going as planned, or something annoys me. This past week I simply recognized that impulse, and then did nothing. If my wife takes a tone with me, I internally recognize how it annoys me, and provide simple 1-2 word response and go about my business with a smile. It’s not my job to control her emotions. When I read into her emotions, it just depresses me. I constantly need to remind myself I’m not responsible for other peoples mental state. Generally speaking though, I’ve been in a low place mentally. I obsessively think about what I don’t have in my marriage and life. It’s textbook victim mentality. I took meds a few years ago to manage my anxiety and depression. I periodically flirt with going back on them, but I quickly realize that I just want to hit the ‘easy button’ and escape the pain of my current problems. It’s a CC - “if I take this pill, I’ll magically have all the confidence I need to take control of my life and my problems will go away”. This is false thinking. While they do give me confidence and chill me out, they don’t fix my maladaptive communication patterns and generally make me lazier. They also have sexual side effects. On one hand I can last for days in bed, on the other hand sex doesn’t feel as great, and if I’m honest with myself, I think they dampen my libido. This is all to say that I got really close to calling up my doc and getting back on them. Instead of doing that I waited for the driving emotion (desperation) to go away, and chose to lift instead. I’m already in therapy weekly. I’ve had the same therapist for years, and I wonder if that’s a good thing or not. I go into these sessions and bitch about the same problems over and over. Why? Because I still have the same problems. I will say that my therapy sessions have improved in quality after I started writing OYS. I’m more tactical in the sessions, and it helps to have thought about things beforehand. My therapist says I should just do what I want and if my wife gets pissed and divorces me so be it. This gives me anxiety still so I know I haven’t reached true OI thinking.

Relationship

As I said earlier, I did well this week with STFU. I didn’t take any of the bait my wife threw out there. Anytime she got pissy or annoyed, I calmly kept doing my thing. For the first time in 6+ months since starting lifting my wife texted me to tell me that I’m starting to “look ripped”. This makes sense since I’m noticeably bigger and wearing fitted shirts instead of giant ass Costco T’s. I didn’t know how to respond to the compliment. My instinct was to say something like, “yeah I’ve been putting in the work”, but decided against it. I simply responded, “Thanks baby”. Later in the day, she decided to compliment me in person and again said, “you’re getting really ripped”. At this point I decided to do some shit. I walked over to her, picked her up and had her straddle me right in the middle of the kitchen and gave her a long deep kiss. I then put her down and went about my business. One interesting thing to note is that as my SMV increases, sex frequency hasn’t. Quality of sex hasn’t changed either. She still doesn’t initiate, and we didn’t have sex a single time this last week. Her passive aggressive way to communicate she’s not having sex is to put on her retainer and PJ’s and say, “I’m so tired”, and get into bed. I used to get really but hurt about this. If I’m honest with myself, it still makes me feel really shitty. The difference now is I don’t show it, and I don’t use it as an invitation to complain to her or push for sex. I don’t find her behavior attractive. I want to be with someone that I desire and who desires me in return. I’m still struggling with disagreeing with her on topics that matter to me. I’m still scared of rocking the boat. I don’t know when to push for things and when not to. In my gut I know what I want but I’m scared of the consequences. I know what happens when I disagree with my wife and do what I want - I get the cold shoulder for days, sex dries up, and she emotionally disappears. I need to get stronger so I can endure that. Would love feedback here.

Social

Texted with 2 buddies this week. I’m realizing you get what you put into friendships. If I don’t invest the time and energy reaching out to people, I shouldn’t expect others to. Interacting with friends helps get my mind to stop thinking about my problems.

Career

Nothing of note this week.

Financial

Doing my taxes

Family

Nothing of note here.

Near-term Goals

Lift.

STFU.

Don’t engage during shit tests.

Talk to more people in public and actually call a friend.

Stop asking for permission for everything and do what I want.

ProzaKcBlue · 2021-02-04T14:43:04+00:00

OYS 004 in exile

OYS 005

Age 30, height 1.89m, weight 75,5kg, about 13%BF

Lifts: BP 60kg 4x5, Squat 80kg 4x5, DL 100kg 4x5

Wife age 28 (SAHM), together for 9 years, 1 kid age 3.

Goals: be my own mental point of origin, lead my relatioships through my frame, become the male rolemodel my daughter can look up to.

Reads

NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, Rational Male, Poon, Pook, TWOTSM, Models, The Game, How to Win Friends and Influence People, reading Bang.

Physical

Some progress in my squat and less struggling with the other big lifts maintaining form. I'm feeling way more comfortable with my physical appearance and probably it's boosting some of my confidence.

Mental

I realized I'm not valuing my time correctly and sacrificed sleep time with choreplay and dancing monkey behavior. Rationalizing all of it with "trying to own my shit" and keeping my house up to my standards of organization. No wonder Wife is all over the place with the housekeeping, the drunk captain keeps flumbing with awful discipline.

I started prioritizing my rest and working out a better course of action to keep my shit in check so I don't default to this unattractive behavior. Hopefuly a better sleep and routine will help me be less prone to procrastination.

Social

My socially autist self wouldn't handle jumping straight to opening and chatting up people. So I figured I have to take small steps outside my comfort zone to make some progress. Smiling (even with a mask) while greeting people at the workplace and gym has rendered quite a difference in the usual response I'm used to get. I actually caught some women taking longer while looking at me, doesn't matter if it's just my imagination, this has been positively feeding my mood and I feel more "open" for social interaction.

Career

My department is starting to take some new responsibilities that can give us more visibility in the company this year. I think there's a real opportunity for growth but I'm not slowing down my plan to move to a tech career yet.

Finances

Stopped fucking around and put all the income and expenses on my formerly neglected budget app. Made plans for how the money will flow for the next month and I'm working out a way to start saving up to get out of living by the paycheck. I'll need to have a talk with the Wife next week to lay it all out and there will be probably some negative reactions, since we'll have to put a hold on some stuff the house needed for a while. Well, it was my fault for not taking proper responsability about my money for so long anyway.

Relationship

I gotta be real. The lack of ownership on my life is so great I can't separate shit tests from real shit, which gets even more negative responses from Wife. Caught myself defaulting do DEER in one occasion while I was about to go upstairs and a request for a glass of water came from the sofa. Actually Wife was the one that caught me saying "you can just say 'no'" ...Yep.

Such interaction made me realize how it is important to say "No", it shouldn't hurt the relationship, it makes it healthier even. I know it's basic MRP stuff but I needed to internalize this and actually act on it.

Kept adding more kino each day. Stopped masturbating for 2 weeks now and I'm feeling my sex drive going up, basically an urge to touch and be sexual. Initiated for the first time in a long time and was promptly rejected with the usual "you only touch me for sex", I just STFU and turned to sleep. I'll be initiating every night and keep running my weak-ass game until it gets better.

MuchAbouAboutNothing · 2021-02-04T08:07:08+00:00

"The process of improving yourself is in fact a skill, a skill you currently suck at."

OYS #9 (#8, #7, #6, #5, #4, #3, #2, #1)

26yo / 6'1 / 200lbs / LTR

Physical: Missed workouts by being a lazy cunt. Watched an Andrew Huberman video about tackling struggles with motivation and am going to start doing a breathing exercise (wim hof method) right after work. The adrenaline spike makes taking action easier.

Work: Trying to make as much progress setting up my business as I can, but my general inability to get stuff done is hindering me.

There are good days and bad days and I'm using a calendar to keep track of days I have my shit together. The aim is to never have two shitty days in a row - defined as days where I don't get the shit I have set for myself done. Then to go longer and longer without shitty days. This is a skill I can improve on, but I need to start holding myself accountable:

Since I last posted, I've had 4 good days and 3 bad days.

Social: Better, been reaching out to friends to stay in contact and just chop it up. Invited to join a group of friends for a workout, I'll follow up this week.

I also realised that I've been forgetting the lessons from how to win friends and influence people and that I sometimes talk too much about myself. This TRP post helped remind me of that.

Solution: make my nighttime reading list more varied. Build a rotation.

Relationship: Going well, despite my best efforts. I have a high level of dominance and a decent amount of non-neediness, and that's keeping things in a relatively stable, d/s state that I'm enjoying. But I can do a lot better. My game felt a lot sharper when I was spinning plates (because options duh).

Solution: start cold approaching again, to build up confidence and shake off the rust. Keep reading the sidebar.

Question

What do you do if your partner flirts with someone else?

There was a situation a few months ago when my LTR and I were in a social situation where there was a guy who was teasing my LTR. Guys are supposed to hit on her but her reaction was more flirty than I was ok with, lots of smiles and mock outrage.

At the time, the way I dealt with the situation was speaking to her at the end of the night telling her I disapproved. She apologised and said that she would stop and she could see what I meant because she wouldn't like it if it were the other way around.

I left it there, but a question in r/TRP made me rethink things. It was a dumb post about "how to fuck girls with boyfriends" - interesting topic, but dumb advice essentially advocating mate guarding to protect your relationship.

Now I know mate guarding is dumb, but what is the correct response in the situation above?

geeteeeye16v · 2021-02-04T03:49:29+00:00

OYS #3 38, 6'3", 187lbs, divorced 2 years, 3 kids (5,8,10) w/ 50% custody. Divorce/Co-parenting is going well and drama-free.

Sidebar: read most everything during Rambo 3 years ago. So I’m re reading NMMNG and still finding it spot on.

Lifting: I lift 5 days a week and love it. But since COVID, and likely before, I've stopped tracking my gainz. This was partly due to a back issue that has cleared up so it's time I get on it. This week's goal is to get back on the 5/3/1 program for Bench/Squat/DL/Shoulder Press.

Diet: Still on no alcohol/weed for 2021. This helps keep my diet on track since I don't drink any IPAs or get mad munchies. I'm about to go on a work trip and usually spend my evenings drinking beer so this will be a new experience for me.

Sexual Stuff: No porn since HoA's post. I'm optimistic about how this will affect me. New experience for me will be going on a work trip and not watching porn at night in my room.

Game: my game is shit. I’ll be taking cues (queues?) from that GoodLookingGuy. Step 1, maintain eye contact and wink..? Ok. That's the goal for this week to change behavior to at least maintain eye contact and give a wink.

Confidence and self doubt: I caught a look at the back of my head last night when trimming my neck. Hair is thinning. Been steady for a few years that way without much change so I guess that’s good. Anyway. That started a good 30 minutes of me researching hair-loss treatments. I finally realized that it doesn’t matter and I need to have confidence in myself no matter my hair situation.

Career: I have an issue with getting distracted when I should be working. I don’t want to work my hours, just work more in my current hours. So here’s what I’m going to do: never have my phone within reach, and block the sites on my work computer that I use to mindlessly waste time. To improve confidence during presentations, and overall, I'll sign up for the local Toastmasters club that I was a guest at last week. I'll give it a few months. I believe it will help me overcome that initial fear of opening my mouth and may spread to other areas of my life.

stepcousinofmog · 2021-02-03T16:26:22+00:00

OYS 3,

TLDR: Grind indeed. It’s tough to make progress in the face of life happening. Even a little win is a win, I guess. But writing this OYS drove home to me how I didn’t get into this mess overnight and won’t be getting out of it quickly, either.

Me: 45 yrs. Wife: 40 yrs. Married 9 years, together 13 years. 1 boy <5 years. Starfish sex 2-3 times per month, very scheduled.

Stats: 6 ft, 160 lbs, doing bodyweight fitness. HePSU: 3x5, Pull-ups: 3x7 +10lbs, Ring dips 3x6.

Sidebar: MMSL. I can see the commonalities between MRP and this; a lot of it isn’t useful to me since it seems to be written to “recover the spark” when I had no spark to begin with. I’m using OYS as the MAP (acronym much?). Rather than move on, I’m going to re-read the parts of MMSL that are relevant. I feel I went through this too quickly.

Diet: 3/6 days adherence, and the slip-ups were minor. Next step: 6 for 6 (not including cheat day)

Social: Bad. The ‘rona canceled the one live outing I had this week. Next step: Leave the house twice this week in support of mission (below).

Emotional: Had a tele-therapy session that was helpful. Practiced two of the techniques we discussed, for managing the anger/regrets that sometimes overwhelm me. Wife and I had a disagreement over househunting that set me off, and I was able to control myself, barely, I didn’t lead. Next step: Keep practicing as opportunities arise, and practice good sleep hygiene ‘cause insomnia’s a bitch.

Sexual: Got one HJ during shark week, which was fine. Oddly unsatisfying and I broke down and fapped two days later. Also, the anger/regret I’m hung up on is not helping me “be sexual” around her – lots of avoidance and silence. Next step: NoFAP, no porn, not even bikini shots. Initiate with OI the next time I feel it, whenever that is.

Professional: 1 of 6. Accounting seems to be done but that was the one accomplishment. Next step: Follow the GTD method, block off time for focused work, rather than chase dopamine hits of emails.

Leadership: OK logistically and with the kid, bad emotionally with the wife. I was too reactive with the househunting situation and I’m sure the same situation will arise again. Got called out for “being passive and waiting” for houses to go on the market. I should have asked “and what has your method of running in circles accomplished, other than make you frustrated and angry?” (Don’t try reasoning with her, I know). I think there’s a covert contract here: if I were a take-charge, dominant, aggressive asshole, like all her previous boyfriends as she reminded me once, she’d fuck me more enthusiastically. Which might be true, but is not relevant to me and my progress. I should look on these setbacks as an opportunity to lead her emotionally, though that’s pretty advanced for me at this point. Next step: Practice pace-pace-lead the next time this blows up in my face, don’t defend anything, continue leading wrt screentime and reading.

Fun: Bad. Did nothing. Next steps: Plan one cheap, fun event for wife and kid each. Be an energy source.

Mission: Decided, need to refine/get specific on what that actually means in practice. Next step: Spend 30 minutes on specifics, and what groups/events/actions I should be taking in support of them.

Stonecutter44 · 2021-02-03T13:51:53+00:00

Oys 7

38 y, GF 31 y, 180cm, 88,8 Kg, 1 kid 1.5 year and another on the way

I thought that I had become more grounded and left my anxiety and worry behind but this week proved me wrong. I have been sleeping terribly often waking up anxious in the middle of the night and in the mornings I just want to go back to bed and sleep the day away.

The anxiety started when I signed a lease for an office because I always wanted my own office and also to get out of the house. I went for the cheapest option i could find (No abundance mentality here) and ended up in an old building next to an industrial site. What I missed was that next to my window was a loading dock for trucks where trucks are constantly queing up and loading and unloading gravel with a lot of noise which is super annoying when trying to focus. Something that would be obvious for most people but that I completely missed.

Mistakes happens and its just to terminate the lease stay three months and move. Or just get something new right away and pay the penalty, its not a huge amount of money anyway.

The annoying thing is that I start to worry that the landlord will be angry for me not keeping my word (nice guy tendency). It also triggers a huge amount of other worry and catastrophic thinking. For example I also feel the ventilation is not very good and I have a constant headache where I cannot determine if its just worry or the air actually is bad. I start to imagine myself getting sick from sitting so close to the trucks.

This is the kind of problem that I thought I now was able to confront without getting too emotional but it shows that even a small setback completely can get me off balance. I recognize this from many times in my life after some choice that turned out to be bad. Often I completely overreact and panic. This makes it hard to decide what I really want since I can’t trust my judgement. On one hand I have all the right in the world to hold an opinion others may think crazy but I also on some level realize that it very well might be crazy and that soon I will think that too.

Often these episodes come up after big decisions like deciding where to live, where to work, often involving deals with other people I then secretly hate because they looked out for themselves (At least I can now spot that this is nice guy behavior but the feelings are still there). Most of the times I just have a general feeling of being unfairly mistreated. I have often felt mistreated, especially as a child. These episodes can take all my mental energy for weeks and are in retrospect completely wasted.

I think the root of these feelings are that on some level I put a lot of pride into being clever and not a stupid person. Something I intellectually realize is very dangerous belief but its hard to completely internalize.

Reading through this I think I need to revisit NMMNG.

The usual subjects

Workout - OK, but nothing speciall

Eating - Slightly better but I have increased in weight. Considered counting calories but I have too much other things on my plate right now.

Sex - Porn once again. Fucked with little variety mostly for me but I was happy with it.

Frame - Had a few unattractive episodes of anger and stress

Last weeks commitments

Got my self an office and got back to work, even if the outcome was bad I did something. So success!

Have not made any progress on deciding where to live - Fail

OCD rituals have increased again after all anxiety. - Fail

Improvements since start of OYS

Quit weed
Quit nicotine
Still fat but getting a little bit of muscle

rightsided · 2021-02-03T12:06:59+00:00

OYS 54

Me 30y| Wife 34y | 4 Kids (6,4,2, infant)

Switched up the workout schedule to where I go to the gym on my days off. I took a few extra days off due to some pain/weird feeling I got in my upper-right/liver region when deadlifting last Thursday. I still don’t know what caused it but I know a few things that may have contributed to it:

It could have been an issue with my liver, as I’ve been taking a lot of sups (multi-vitamins, creatine, pre-workout, post-workouts). I recently cut back on caffeine intake and got me some non-caffeine/stimulant free pre-workout.
I recently had my annual health checkup and some abnormality was detected with my blood chemistry; Liver impairment. I forgot to disclose that I was taking creatine and my Creatinine levels were quite high, but other markers were detected (high AST, ALT, LDH, low Triglyceride). All I received was a summary and have been instructed to schedule a follow-up appointment with an internal medicine doctor. I have an appointment this Friday.
I may have injured/pulled an ab muscle the previous workout, as I remember a ‘popping’ feeling, during a bench press set, in my upper ab area.

Had some abdominal pain which I may have confused with liver pain. I was all kinds of confused.

Good news is that the slight pain/feeling subsided a few days ago. I went to the gym on Monday and banged out some new PRs on Squats, so if it was a muscle issue, it may have healed up. I’ll have a better idea come Friday, and until then I’m having no caffeine, alcohol, and no sups.

I’ve already made changes to caffeine intake, ordered some decaf coffee today. I had already begun cutting back on alcohol by switching to whiskey on the rocks, and only having one-two per session. Frankly, I was drinking too damn much last month and the beginning of Jan. I went through an entire bottle, some wine, and other alcoholic drinks in about 3 weeks, drinking 3~4 glasses an evening, sometimes more. I’d rationalized my shitty behavior by saying I was ‘getting drunk,’ just getting a buzz, but each time I’d push my limit further and further away from my norm.

I don’t intend to quit drinking alcohol, unless I’m directed to do so due to illness or health issues. I enjoy drinking whiskey and wine. I do, now, recognize that I have a problem. Though it wasn’t extreme, affecting my life or work, I was letting things get out of hand and it wouldn’t have been long until I was treading in deep waters.

As for sups, I have a list of all the stuff I’m taking, and will double check with the doc on Friday to see if anything I’m taking could adversely affect my liver. I’ll also inquire about getting some herbal medicine for liver repair, if needed.

My mother died last year. She was the healthier parent--didn’t drink, exercised, and ate healthy; her death was a total shock. Our bodies don’t need our help to shorten our lifespan; we can kick the bucket at any time. I’m not afraid of death, but I’d like to raise my kids into adulthood, and not leave my family and my wife and her family with the burden of raising four kids. I have to do a better job of taking care of myself.

I am now credit card debt free and approx. 17k (student loan) away from being completely debt free. Student loan has been in forbearance since Covid started, so I’m setting up my bank to start sending payments despite Covid. I’ll formulate a roadmap on estimated time to pay off my loans, and get a better idea of what lies ahead.

I started getting more active with my stock/options learning. Yes, the recent news with $GME got me excited, but I also realized that I’ve been ‘learning’ for the past 10 years, with very little progress. I love the market, but at the first sign of failure (some stupid long calls on OptionsXpress, before I even knew about the greeks, where I (obviously) lost it all) I gave it up, and have only done touch-and-gos with trading seriously. I’m not aiming to become a day-trader or full-time trader – I'm not quitting my day job anytime soon. But I intend to get more serious about learning, hedging and managing risk, and growing my portfolio along with my understanding of stocks and options. I also found something blogworthy: my stories of success and failure of training options and stocks. I think maintaining a blog will be a good way for me to document the reasons for a trade and see how my logic helped me either win or lose.

CockroachDazzling · 2021-02-02T11:09:31+00:00

OYS #1

Age: 37 LTR 36, 10 months

Height: 5'10, 154 lbs, 20% BF

Kids: None

Lifts: Doing home workout, need to start tracking reps

Read: NMMNG, Pook, Superior Man, Rational Male

Reading: WISNIFG

Mission:

Unfuck myself. I don’t have a resolved mission yet.

Background:

Got out of a sexless 10-year marriage 1.5 years ago where I was the most hardcore career beta one can imagine. Now in a new relationship and seeing myself make the same mistakes and afraid to end up in the same situation again. It's been one week since I posted on askMRP (https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/l4uchv/gf_feels_pressured_into_having_sex/) and been called a weak pussy who's making excuses. After the ego defenses wore off I realized that it's true.

Fitness / Hobbies:

Realized that I wasn't consuming enough calories to build any muscle. Installed a calorie tracker app, bought gainer shake, and started to consume around 3k calories daily.

I also started a new work-out program focused on building mass, it's still body weights but I ordered barbells so will switch again when they arrive.

Also started doing kegel exercises regularly.

Career:

I have a consulting business that's going very well. Signed new clients this week. Reached out to a couple new leads.

Finance:

Haven't really done anything here.

Action: Buy more ETFs.

Relationship:

It's been a week since she told me she felt pressured into having sex and didn't want sex every day. It took a couple of days to process but I resolved to get my shit together and look to me for the problem, rather than her.

I realize more and more how outwardly focused I am. How much validation I seek (especially sexually). Trying to spot the difference between wanting sex for validation or actual horniness. It's mostly the former.

The last few days have been hanging out in her apartment. I didn't initiate and did more STFU, sex almost every day.

I try to be more assertive in what I want but still do so in a poor way and end up caving eventually. Keep trying.

Interesting insight: She said she read in a Gottman relationship book that women need more emotional connection for having sex. I asked "what about those times when you went to a sex club?" - "...". So it seems betas are only rewarded with sex when they provide the right emotions and other stuff (if they're lucky) while alphas just get it.

Despite the increase in sex, she seems a bit cold and distant emotionally. I wonder if that's a shit test to test my (slightly) decreased emotional neediness.

Overall I'm in the emotionless (or rather grumpy) robot phase where I just try to STFU and focus on me and observe the need for her validation.

Action: Keep my focus on me, ask myself "what do I want?", try to give myself validation rather than seeking it from her. Keep trying to stay true to my own view of reality.

Social:

Facetimed with my best friend, I will facetime with another good friend tonight and set up a time to hang out with a buddy on Saturday night.

NowEntertheArena · 2021-02-02T22:42:48+00:00

OYS 14

Age 40. Married/together 19 years. 3 kids.

Physical - 5’ 9” 207 lbs. Body Fat 23%(navy method)

Lifts - DL 1x5 @ 350lbs, SQ- 3x5 290 lbs, BP 3x3 @ 240lbs, OHP 4x3 @ 135lbs, BR 3x5 190 lbs

Read -NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, TMAP, 16 Commandments, Book of Pook, A River Runs Through It, Atomic Habits, TWOTSM, Leaner Faster Stronger, TRM, SGM, The Unchained Man

Reading -48 Laws, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Bang

Rereading - NMMNG (exercise 25)

Mental-

I am uncommitted to my course. I feel like I’m drifting but can’t figure out where I want to head.

Relationship -

Ok but not amazing. I’m back to catching myself starting to DEER occasionally. I have been tested a bit more than normal and haven’t don’t a great job DNGAF. Even if I don’t say anything I feel butthurt and it’s making me mad that I am.

Did not stick to my plan from last week. Jacked off while away working. Watched porn one day. Embarrassed I couldn’t stick to my one goal.

Health-

Meditating 6/7 days. Meditation and lifting are keeping me afloat.

Lifts continue to go up. It’s the one thing I’m holding on to at the moment. I’m definitely getting stronger all the time. I feel good about it. It’s my anchor right now.

I tried to IF 3 days this week. I overate at the end of the day. Seemed like it was pointless if I overeat. Overeating is my Achilles heel right now. I don’t like being hungry and I don’t have the desire to get better. That’s the honest truth and I’m trying to mentally grapple with it. I haven't even stepped on the scales in a couple weeks. I'm going to try and tie my eating to some other idea. Before I eat anything I will meditate for one minute. I'm going to try and use meditation to control my areas of struggle.

I guess I'll give myself a little credit. I did make an effort in an area that I've neglected. I put in a cardio session which is the first I've done in months. I plan to put in 3 more sessions this week. I'm listening to podcasts and watching movies to help motivate my cardio work. I hate cardio but it gives me something to look forward to.

In summary-

It was a poor effort by me. I’m leaning into the discomfort and embarrassment of staying accountable and will pick myself up and try again.

Goals-

Same as last week

No fap or porn

STFU

dust2dust45 · 2021-02-02T21:49:15+00:00

[removed]

interwebztufguy · 2021-02-02T20:59:59+00:00

OYS 14

Still married with children, still lifting 4-5 days/week.

This week, I'll break it down with the good, bad, and ugly.

Good- Organized a weekend getaway. Son had an athletic event at an out of state resort and we made a weekend out of it. Had a great time, wife and I had a hot bang in the hotel room just feet away from our sleeping children. Felt like teenagers again. Looking forward to future short trips like this.

Bad- Shark week was last week, which since not caring about women's feelings and moods, aunt flo's visits are usually uneventful. This week was different. One of the big obstacles I'm trying to overcome is getting BJ'S. Some foreplay head is there from time to time, but there's a lot of resistance to more. I tried to initiate one middle of last week and that's where it got "ugly ".

The Ugly-

This is where I was legitimately confused and almost blew up. So it's evening, I've been feeling on a hair trigger (as in horny as hell), been kinoing and having fun last couple days. I'm getting out of shower and decide to shoot my shot. I go into the room with just my towel on and was getting some clothes out. Wife notices my chub and says something I don't remember like "what's got you going".

I say something autistic like, " I'm already naked and thinking about you " I then walk over by the bed where she's laying.

"But I'm on my period"

"So?"

Then I get a series of comments that left me dumbfounded, kinda pissed, and a swarm of I'm still trying to figure this shit out. First, it was about "I should be outside the circle right now" referring to 1000s of years ago when women had to leave the tribe for a few days whenever they were on the rag.

I smirk and STFU. Then "this isn't medieval times where I have to just give you pleasure or whatever " paraphrased of course. I felt myself getting hot/ the gravitational pull of her frame. All I said was "I'm not gonna be sorry or made to be a bad guy for wanting to fuck my wife".

I then continued on with my business and just went and read alone. Now here's the kicker, when I was leaving the room. My wife yells out "if you do this xyz thing, I'll give you head".

Thank God I wasn't in the room, but I was just like WTF? Never once in our almost 20 years together has such a blatent manipulation tactic been tossed at me. I distanced myself a little and was able to move on like nothing happened. I felt I handled myself ok, light-years beyond where I was. Now I'm just confused.

I feel like this is a power struggle? Begging for me to double down and be more dominant? Trying to keep me on the IV drip and not have to catch up? I just don't understand how my wife will respond very positively, yet every time I veer off the "script" or try to prolong or change things, I'm "making it a big ordeal". Which I get because I was such a phag about it for so long. But holy fuck, why do I get gaslit for wanting to eat some pussy? Also, the transactional part fucked me up, is this some kind of desperation move?

Any insights on this would be huge.

TheActionNerd · 2021-02-02T20:59:23+00:00

OYS 49

30y, height: 186cm 80.2kg, wife 27 married 2 years, together 7 years. 0 kids.

Mission - Cut out the bullshit from myself and subsequently from the world.

Readings:

MMSLP, NMMNG, TWOTSM, Pook, Rational Male, Preventive Medicine, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Models, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, Art of Seduction, WISNIFG, Day Bang, Mastery, Mindful Attraction Plan, The Charisma Myth, Extreme Ownership, Unchained Man, The Power of Habit, 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem, The Power of Now, Sex God Method, The Way of Men, Never Split the Difference, Can’t hurt me

Currently reading: Unchained Man, Never Split the Difference

Habits

Been a lot more consistent with my habits over the past 2 weeks. I’m doing a checklist on a notepad now with fucking star stickers which reward me for staying on track. Todoist has been working well to organise both my work life and my personal life. I had been easily distracted by too much work previously, losing track of what I need to complete, while neglecting my personal life by never writing down what I should be doing except on rare occasions. I am now able to keep a log of what I want to do to work towards my personal goals while also tracking my work projects better. It is giving me the brain space to focus on what’s important instead of relying on my memory.

Items for my physical checklist:

Stem exercises from 6 pillars: 13/14

Meditation for 20 minutes: 12/14

Into bed before 1am: 9/14

Exercise at least 45 minutes: 13/14

Projects Progress:

Got a blood test to confirm my testosterone and the free test came in at 0.322 nmol/L. Next steps is to do further research and reach out to the clinic I’ve already decided on.
Contacted another lawyer as part of my contingency go plan. This is the second one I’ve contacted, the last one being in August. I’ll contact 1 more to have a good idea of the considerations.
Several neglected home tasks such as cleaning the bathroom, oven and fridge.
Watched a finance workshop and started setting up a new budgeting app.
Watched a training video as part of my work’s development goals for listening skills.

Mental

Not long after the last shit test, I got into another major shit test effectively by not giving enough fucks. It got to pretty intense levels and in such shit tests in the past, I would have been too afraid to call it quits. This time I was at peace with it but I expectedly called her bluff. There’s a better balance of house work now which has allowed me more time to focus on owning my shit as per above. I’m being careful not to fall far into my wife’s frame as she’s seeking more comfort and attention. Her picking up the slack is not a reason for me to take my foot off the pedal either.

A major distraction last week was my wife changing job. Her emotions have been all over the place while I remain the oak. The nature of AWALT is clear as I watch her justify decisions and lines of thought just to make herself feel better. Throws some blame to me which I just don’t take seriously. I still need some calibration between leading her and giving unsolicited advice. I have to realise that when she asks to be lead in this context, she’s just looking for validation for her feelings. From me, I have a tendency to want to give good advice and be right in a lot of contexts which I need to work on calibrating as I should work on listening first.

Overall I have been trying to keep my spirits up but stressed with the amount of work. With no end to the lockdown in sight in the UK, I’ve just been grinding but I miss the gym and any form of escape from the house. Any holidays are out of the question either. Not showing any weakness though and I know that this period is temporary and trust myself to hit the ground running when it ends. I’ve been probably feeling a bit too philosophical recently from gaining an understanding of myself and what I want. That’s great for me but I should stfu about it.

hmpanon · 2021-02-02T18:15:42+00:00

OYS 11

40 yo, 5’10” 177 lbs. 19% BF Wife 31, 2 kids with her, 2 kids from prior marriage myself.
Current lifts Leangains
190lbs x10 Squat
270bs x8 DL
190lbs x8 Bench
145lbs x8 Row
115bs x8 OHP
chin x 8+5lbs, accessories bicep curl and skull crushers.
Diet/fitness
Struggled with squat recently. Continue to lift better with lower weight, did some core workouts, did glute lifts, and will do some front squats at next lift, looking into that. I only did squats once a week, so getting hurt on this is not overuse but shitty lifting on my part. DL, Bench, OHP, Row all improving slowing.

Diet is up and down still. Bought new clothes and was an inch down on waist, lowest I’ve been in over 5 years. Chest and arms are fuller. Have made a weekly meal list, only following it half the time. The best diet plan is one that I will stick to, so I need to find that. I have to admit, I am continue to struggle here. I have lost weight on restrictive diets before, but not able to workout while doing them. Now I am working out, and not able to stick to any diet. Low carb, low fat, keto, high protein, IF, done it all. Week after week I tell myself to just get it done. Motivation on this is lacking. I’m feel that I’m so close though.

Read-
MRP- NMMNG x 3, WISNIFG x 2, TRM, TWOTSM, MAP, BPP, MMSLP, SGM, HoA OYS, MRP youtube, sidebar, Fuccfiles
Game- The game, Game by Roosh, Models, book of pook
Other- Can't hurt me, extreme ownership, power of habits, atomic habits, How win friends, bigger-leaner- stronger, leangain method

Reading SGM
This has been fascinating. I thought I knew enough about pleasing women, reading online, etc, but now realize it was all blue pill. This book is the red pill method. I am reading this slowly, really trying to change my behaviors and methods. Enjoying them too. It is like every 2-3 pages is something new to digest and learn.
Fuccfile, The Rian stone book, finished. It is a combination of TRM red pill truths and some game, with stories. He is a bit ADHD, all over the place, but you get use to it after you read it awhile. It is like condensed sidebar reading really.

My mission-
To do whatever it takes to create my life as a masculine person, full of fulfillment, have boundaries and frame, and control of myself.

Social/relationship
Week started with large shit test, wife yelling, explosive behavior, throwing things. Accusing me of this, that, bring up past and new things that I do, like flirting and NGAF. Honestly can’t remember what started it.
I told her she was disrespectful, then STFU. Was told how much I am disrespectful, blah blah. I walked away.
Next day, continued to be myself. Had sex twice that day, and daily for the next 4 days. Took a break, but she continued to give IOI. Dominance, emotion, dirty talk, and she initiated 2 of the times, all of which is not typical. Incredible. Weekend also went great, full of activities and lead as much as possible.
Mental
Validation- continue to work on this. It sneaks up on me, like last week's post, was called out on that. All validation. Cannot remember the last time I watched porn, have urges still at times, but usually brought about by some trigger. Don’t miss Instagram at all. Validation seeking towards my wife also better, but not gone. This also is triggered, mostly from boredom I think. Once I realize I’m doing it, I stop it at once.

Fear- I realized fear has been a problem for sometime. It also crept back up on me recently. Was grocery shopping this week, saw this HB 9. Literally froze, could not bring myself to do any game. Most of the week, I have been just randomly talking to people, both women and men. But I wussed out on cold approaching her.

This pass weekend, went snow tubing at ski resort with family. Was told my 2 yo was too short at ticket counter. I snuck her in anyways, went down with her, eventually got caught. Also went down backwards. All of which was scary for me, but pushed my boundaries.

Have done meditation twice this week, always feel good afterwards.

Journaling- Keep writing things down in notes as I read, and when I randomly think of it.

It’s crazy to think about how much has changed. I went from wanting more sex, wanting my wife to desire me and respect me, all of which lead me to this place. To now wanting my diet better, lifting, fixing my messed up mental models, and owning my life instead of it owning me.

Goals

Do whatever it takes to get diet under control. Continue reading, will do WOTSM, continue SGM. Keep controlling validation behavior. Game and not be a pussy. Continue Journal, meditation.

W4king-Up · 2021-02-02T17:55:10+00:00

OYS # 3

Formatting is a bit shit this time as on phone.

POYS # 2

Reading

Still listening to rational male audiobook 3. About 4 hours of it left.

Gym

Been using my mates gym, although as I’ve been out a while during lockdown I’ve reduced weights with the aim to add 5kg per session. I failed this week on sorting out my diet. No reason to fail I just didn’t sort it, no excuses for next week. Weight this week average 77.5, so down 0.5kg.

Mental

This is my biggest area to improve. I’ve mentioned my “nice guy” issues but also need to build my frame. I feel like I’ve lost this, used to be ridiculously confident and actually up until a year ago I still was. Since then I internalised my (ex)partners rejections as I’m no longer attractive, rather than internalising them no longer attractive to her.

Rebuilding my confidence and my frame is my goal, also being a man and letting myself be masculine. If anyone has any recommendations for reading or advice for this I’d appreciate?

Relationship

So the relationship; we actually spent a day together last week, when she came back from her parents. She shit tested the hell out of me and I just played round with it. Then she came out and admitted, what I’ve known, she doesn’t want us to break up but is being forced down this path by her parents.

Long story short on this one, her parents have always despised me. “Cocky and arrogant” were their first words but truth be told, they didn’t want their 19 year old, at the time, getting with someone who had a kid already.

I have zero control over any of this, just myself so controlling what I can. I’m treating the relationship as over unless she is at home.

Tasks to do before next weeks OYS, contact a mortgage broker and see what I need to do to buy her out.

Also to adding in an edit; I was busy this weekend and my phone completely lit up with texts and asking if I was ignoring her, etc.

Social/sex

So invited a few mates over for a few drinks over the weekend. Good laugh, maybe slightly out of hand. Ended up invited some girls over and one of them was a stunning 22 year old. After spending the night flirting and play fighting one thing led to another. After such a dry spell it felt good but since I’ve question myself a lot. Was it from raw energy or validation I was seeking. I’m leaning towards validation, more so because my sex drive has tanked due to stopping porn.

I need to stop looking to women for validation and have my own internal self validation.

ragnar_Daneskjold · 2021-02-02T17:30:12+00:00

OYS #2:

First, thanks to the mods for the youtube livestream. You guys were less mean than I expected but you hurt my feelings more than I expected. I was shocked at how transparent all of this is to you guys. Your discussions of basically anyone else I’ve listened to are also very relevant.

Age 36, Wife 33 – Married 10 yrs, together 12

5’9” 169 lbs (224lbs at the beginning of 2020), currently 20% BF navy

Kids: 5yo daughter & 2yo son

Lifts/fitness: Dumbbell routine: 4-6 day’s/week, 30-40 sets per day. 400 pushups every other day.

Goals/end state:

- 10-15% body fat, 170-180lbs (3+ day’s per week of lifting)

- Save 1 year of income in cash (33%), 25 years of income in retirement (30%)

- Galvanize frame. Produce abundance. (15 min per day of meditation, church weekly, evening tv only once per week)

- Three trips a year by myself, two trips a year with someone else (winemoreplease if he’s lucky), six trips a year with my family/kids.

Read: NMMNG, MMSLP, TWOTSM, Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, TRM blog year 1-5, SGM, Book of Pook, Sidebar, MAP

Started Reading: 48 LOP 15%, Sidebar x2, The Game

Shit to own:

Career: I could do better at work. I feel like I’m resenting the idea of trying harder because I used to feel so great about my income and career. The term ‘beta bux’ and coming around to understanding that money does not contribute to my desirability, is currently the part of the red pill that made me feel the angriest. I have always gone through cycles of apathy and productivity at my job but the lazy stage has been longer and deeper lately. I’m planning to just get over it for my own benefit.

Porn and fap: no porn for 5 weeks, no fap for 3 weeks. Doesn’t sound like much but I would’ve called you a liar if you’d told me I’d do this at any other time in my life.

Initiations, OI, DEER, Frame, STFU: u/HornsOfApathy post "you're not that funny" and my experimenting with this was unbelievably eye opening. It literally has never occurred to me to not be funny in an initiation and his explanation of protecting my own feelings was completely accurate. Experimenting with this has resulted in two “first time for that in our marriage” activities.

I have mostly been in fake it to make it mode with OI and I have even been called out on this by my wife because it shows in my posture/face. When I have legitimately and successfully moved on from a rejection I’m immediately faced with some type of heated angry test where STFU + “Ohh I hear ya, I’m listening” is the appropriate response. I believe this is a pretty normal thing and probably a sign that I becoming more outcome independent or at least faking it better.

I have made progress with stopping DEER but I still start it up pretty regularly. The progress made has been that I can more quickly recognize it when I’ve started. Someone mentioned in a post to just stop mid sentence when you realize and it feels weird but it actually works pretty great.

Talking about Red Pill with wife: I have up to now (2-3 months) done a great job of not talking about the red pill or rational male with anyone. It is obvious to anyone around me that something new and weird is going on though.

Recently, I was caught off guard with a question “what are you reading” from my wife while I was reading sidebar on my phone. I was totally unprepared to answer and reacted basically like I got caught watching some weird porn. I said “nothing, don’t worry about it” but with my tone and body language I triggered tremendous curiosity until she was giggly/begging and I was laughing uncontrollably. I was pressed on if this was related to cheating, divorce, hating her and eventually, I described that I wanted to keep it private, it was not really related to her at all, just something for my own self, internally.

A search through my phone which I permitted resulted in discussing what looked like (and actually is) google search history including:

“I want more kids but she’s done”

“I think my wife doesn’t love me anymore”

“I think I want to leave my marriage”

I stated that I don’t have a desire to leave our marriage (the truth) and that I have been consuming all sorts of different marriage and relationship materially lately (no secret). When pressed hard again on what I was reading I resisted up until tears were about to enter the picture. I begrudgingly said the best way to describe it was that I’m working to improve myself right now and I think I’d be better off not showing her how the sausage is made. Pressed more, I said (DEER’d) “When it shows on my face that I’m butthurt by a rejection and I’m trying hard to act like it doesn’t, I’m wanting to make it reality that I’m not butthurt. That’ll be better for me and I’m sure you’ll like it more too.” This was followed by more pressing which I just flat our resisted and refused. This definitely felt like a setback, but maybe not really severe.

I’m certain I’m going to get pressed on this curiosity more. I’m positive I have to give absolutely no more inches on it and share no more MRP information.

I’ve also reluctantly agreed to go to 4 couples counselling sessions. I’ve maintained overtly that I’m happy and content with things currently and I really like what I’m doing with my life. I’m certain I want to enter these sessions with a pretty big helping of STFU and maybe keep a few key ideas in my head that I can go to when pressed on;

- I’m really happy with the positive things I’m doing in my life.

- I don’t want to push unreasonable expectations on anybody else.

- I don’t intend to keep my wants (initiations) to myself and/or disconnect emotionally.

Please, tear this shit to pieces :)

x5278439 · 2021-02-02T14:45:16+00:00

OYS 12

Physical: 57; 5’ 10”; 150 lbs; 17% BF (Navy) BP: 92.5, DL: 125, SQ: 37.5

Read: NMMNG, RM (audio), WISNIFG (audio), Stone’s NMMNG lectures, MMSLP, PFP, MAP, Stone’s WISNIFG lectures, The Predatory Female, RM: Religion

Reading: WOTSM

Relationships: Had a flake, shitty-comfort test, and a shit-test Fri., Sat., and Sun. respectively.

I did not end the flake well—the butthurt oozed out of my “Okay, I’m going back to the house.” If I’d been thinking an “I’m already in X and am going to go do Y” or just an “Okay” would have sufficed.

Shitty-comfort test: tried a combination of Deida’s hug (press your belly into her) and STFU. It was far less draining than attempting to DEER or even fog. While I don’t really know what to make of Deida’s energy stuff, I found “giving energy” was, in fact, energizing.

I failed to recognize she really was asking me to come to her house and “nap” prior to her shift. I did not “just get it” from the telephone conversation or subsequent texts. Awaiting an overt invitation came off as weakness; an “I’ll be there in X minutes” would have elicited either a “no” or an “okay”.

Mental: My mortality: spent too much time fretting on the lack of control I have over this event. Rather, desiring complete control and knowing that is impossible. Just live now.

R288DRO · 2021-02-02T10:43:03+00:00

OYS #8

Age 31, w 220lbs, married 2 years together 8. 1 year old . 30% bodyfat.

Reading

NMMNG x 3 WISNIFG WOTSM MMSLP SGM Subtle art of not giving a fuck

Currently listening to WOTSM. Read it a few years ago and don't remember much from it.

Physical

Lost 11lbs since starting OYS. Mentally not focusing on a goal weight - I'm just going to eat better from now on and see what weight I wind up being.

Starting to get a little shape back to my body, stomach has shrunk and is flatter.

Style

Work in progress. Wife keeps "joking" and asking who "I'm tarting up for".

Mental

Feeling good and motivated. Literally have sex dreams most night and libido is still in overdrive. Wife noted that recently sexually I've been "way more on it".

Marriage

Shark week - and hadn't initiated for a couple of days before it started.

Think I'm starting to notice shit tests. If my wifes ass looks good, I'll grab or slap it. One occasion she said "for one day, can you just leave my ass alone". I laughed, said "no deal" and slapped it again. She jiggled some of my fat- which I laughed at and said "good compromise". Unless logistics - I treat everything with STFU, AM or playfulness.

Trondheim77 · 2021-02-02T11:13:41+00:00

OYS#28 38, wife 36, together 17 years, two toddlers

FITNESS 6'1, 180lbs, BF 18% (skinny fuck with love handles). Squat 5x5 195lbs Deadlift 1x5 285lbs Bench 5x5 155lbs Press 5x5 105lbs Row 5x5 165lbs

Lost another inch around the waist, which should put me at around 18% body fat. Progress is always good for morale. Just a couple of inches left to 15%. When I get there I will treat myself to a tattoo. I have always wanted one, but I've been too much of a pussy all my life to get it done.

RELATIONSHIP Tried some more direct "lets go fuck" initiations but got shot down every time this week. Well, at least I get to practice being rejected. I'm pretty good at not being butthurt nowdays. And I always have other stuff to go take care of.

Welp, still got laid this week. Some get shit tested in bed with "dont come too early". I often get a "dont take too long", or the "oh I don't need foreplay, YOU'RE the one that always needs warming up". Same thing I guess, they aim for our weaknesses. Since going fap-free this has certainly improved. In the past, shit like that totally ruined my immersion but nowdays I handle it better, by just pushing more dominance onto her. Feels a bit dumb going for dominance when you're not even hard though.

SOCIAL Have been taking initiative to hang out with friends lately. Since the pandemic, people have become real home bodies. Even the usual "leaders" of my social circles mostly sit at home rotting away. Every one I have reached out to have appreciated it and lots of fun has been had. I will keep this up. Can't sit around waiting for people to call, especially when that's exactly what everyone else is doing.

2wo2wo3hree · 2021-02-02T09:01:26+00:00

OYS 33

Books:

No More Mr. Nice Guy

Married Man Sex-Life Primer

When I Say No I Feel Guilty

The Way of The Superior Man

Mindful Attraction Plan

The book of POOK

The Rational Male

48 Laws of Power

Can’t Hurt Me

The science of trust

Rich Dad Poor Dad

Love & Respect

Millionaire Next Door

Think & Grow Rich

Currently reading:

Total Money Makeover

STATS/LIFTS

36yo, 6’3, 208, 15% body fat.

BP: 225lbs (6x5)

OHP: 135lbs (6x5)

Squat: 245lbs 5x5

Barbell Row 225lbs 5x5

Good lifting week. I feel strong as fuck. Main lifts feel better and rest between sets are shorter. As I try to prioritize leg days, I’m having a hard time balancing the proper volume, weight and workout duration. Lately I have been doing reps of 3 from 135lbs to 315lbs, which takes about 8 sets. Then I go down to my working 5x5 set at 245lbs. Then I hit the leg press with 450lbs for 3x10, three sets of walking lunges with 50lbs, 3x10 on stiff leg deadlifts, 3x10 on ham extensions, 3x10 on calves. I feel a great leg day with that volume and weight but That shit takes so long to accomplish; almost 1 hour, and 45 minutes. That’s just too long for me. Anything under that, is either under stimulating because it’s light or I go too heavy too soon and get achy. I generally like to keep my workouts just under an hour.

RELATIONSHIP: Married 5 years, One daughter.

MENTAL

I was on edge and snapping in my head for about 3 weeks. I’m calming down. I think somehow, I started looking outwards for fulfillment, instead of inwards. Same difference with asking “what life has to offer me” rather than asking “what can I offer life.”

MARRIAGE

I made being the head of the household my mission. I’m trying to remove myself from that “mission mindset” and simply live in the now. It is here. It is real. It has no end. There is no triumph. It is simply an existence.

In the last few weeks, I let my position get in my head. I’ve maintained STFU while I rejected being tested under the mentality of How dare you test me!? As I know, it probably oozes out of my pores. I’ve reminded myself that being tested is natural. So long as I’m leading, my girls (wife & daughter) are supposed to test my frame and it’s integrity over and over again. I need to enjoy this more. Kinda like when it was merely a dynamite in my hand.

SEX

No issues. It’s as regular as I want.

FINANCES:

It’s a new month and I am excited to see what my financial independence journey will look like this month. I opened an extra joint account to ease up confusion on one of my accounts where fixed bills and expenses like groceries and other family expenses where touching.

SOCIAL

No socializing for me. ~~It just didn’t happen.~~ I didn’t put any effort into it. I just spent time with my family since I don’t really see them as much during the week.

aussie_darrow · 2021-02-02T08:31:40+00:00

OYS #4

Age: 47 Wife 46, Married 10 years, Separated 6 months.

Height: 6', 212 lbs, 22% BF (scales)

Kids; 11yo daughter from prior LTR, 20yo stepson.

Lifts: SQ 3 x 220 lbs, BP 3 x 181lbs, DL 3 x 264 lbs, OP 3 x 121 lbs

Read: NMMNG, Unchained Male, Mindful Attraction Plan

Reading: 48LOP, RM, The Unplugged Alpha, Why We Sleep

Mission:

Unfuck myself. I don’t have a resolved mission yet. This has come up a few times this week when talking with business coaches/financial advisors. One of them suggested a book.

Background:

I walked out of my marriage in a red pill rage in July. I have my daughter from a prior LTR and I have 100% custody. My property is now legally separated and I can apply for a divorce in 6 months.

Fitness / Hobbies:

The plan is to have 3 gym sessions per week and 3 martial arts sessions per week. My trainer has got me doing 3 x 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays. On Fridays, I lift on my own doing 3 x 8-12 reps at about 60% weight.

Got the flu on Saturday which means I was in isolation until today. Got a clear COVID test and hope to be healthy by this Friday.

I got the T blood work done and am waiting on the results. Had to cancel the doctor’s appointment due to being sick.

Action: Train/lift 6 days a week. Eat clean 7 days a week. Get the results of the T check.

Career:

I own a small software consultancy and co-own another small SAAS business. I’ve been hands-on the past couple of weeks to give a project a bit of a push. I have been working some big hours of late.

I’ll probably land a nice project by the end of the week which as some good margin in it.

Finance:

Waiting on the bank for a pre-approval for a loan for my primary residence. The bank employees are straight up incompetent.

Action: Save a deposit for a primary residence.

Fatherhood:

Going pretty well.

Action: Be more mentally present. Manage my moods better.

Relationship:

Last Tuesday I ended my relationship with my wife.

On Wednesday I get a call from her where she explains that she’s come to realise that she doesn’t mind her life as it is and wanted to know if I’d be down for a friends-with-benefits relationship, one where we’d go out from time to time, no drama, no negativity, only fun and screwing. I set some boundaries where if there was any drama that’d be it. Her boundary was that I was to be screwing other women I’d let her know and we would end it there.

Friday night we went out for a meal (split bill) and slipped back to my place for a long-overdue screwing. So, my six-month drought has broken. The most notable aspect of that was that she insisted I pull her hair during a pretty enthusiastic blow job and while I cave-manned her from behind which hadn’t happened since the early days of our marriage.

I’m aware that this won’t last long before she attempts to drag me into her frame and redefine the relationship or just blow up and end it. I’ll keep working my MAP regardless.

Social:

Quit weekend as I was in isolation and sick.

Action: Keep talking to people.

DanubianDelusion · 2021-02-02T21:44:12+00:00

OYS #1

40y, wife 39y, married 13y, kids (12W, 5M, 1,5M)

A bit about me. I´ve been lurking here for about 4 months now. English is not my native language, so please don´t make a fuss about my choice of expression. I was rather roughly unplugged when my now ex-mistress dumbed me 5 months ago, after almost 2 years of relationship and plans of both of us divorcing. Since then my maxim is to unfuck my life. My marriage is a continuous sexless fight. As I am still retarded as hell, I’ve decided to join the ranks and discipline myself through OYS.

MAP

Being a rock amidst the waves of the constant changing sea utilizing emotional and outcome independency
Anger management
OYS

Soma

71kg, 186cm
No lifting except 3-4x/w fitness with low weight dumbbells, daily pushups and crunches
Running 3x10k/w
Intervall fasting 16:8 3/7

It’s hard during lockdown without any studios open to start as a novice lifter. I registered at JEFIT starting a program at home with dumbbells. I know it’s a cardinal failure not doing it from the moment of swallowing the RP. I’m rather the skinny stamina guy, who swims, runs and bikes.

I´m paying attention to my outlook. Grooming, style, clothes. All are in constant focus.

Mental

TRP, MRP, Pook, NMMNG, Poon through
No porn, no fap since 2 weeks
Daily journaling

I’m on dopamine withdrawal. It’s hard, as it is omnipresent in every form of my life. Sugar, coffee, alcohol, meat, buying stuff, jerking-off, showing pseudo dominance at work or at home, and so on. I´ve realized (although since about 4 months in) I’m still full of compulsion for validation. It´s hard getting off of dopamine, serotonin and endorphin. I am weak as hell and fail almost on every field.

Another rather mental modality I´m calibrating on is minimalism. In a throw-away society, similarly to abundance mentality I´ve decided to focus only on stuff that are important to me. I´m radically sorting out filth and stuff I´ve not been using in the last 2 years. Materialism doesn´t get me any long term happiness and satisfaction.

In moments of frustration and despair, which I have to admit are very common, I´m trying to use a method that I have learned from Owen Cook. I´m focusing on the pretense, focusing on myself and forcing myself to see the positivity of a situation and remembering all the things I´ve already achieved and life had granted me with. Satisfaction with what I have in material ways (house, cars, work) and socially (3 healthy kids). If I´m doing something I really don´t want to but it´s necessary, I´m focusing on the beauty of the act, trying to reach a state of flow (which I love during running). And it helps, not always, but it is inner approach I´m beginning to respect.

Family

With the kids it is working well. I give passion, I give boundaries, I´m trying to be an example. Sometimes the small guy pulls me for seconds into his frame, but I´m realizing these situations more rapidly and reacting promptly.

This weak we have started to renovate our house. Workers come and go, I´m coordinating the whole stuff and do preparation myself in my free time. All the finances are controlled by me and final consents are made by me.

Wife

This week not one single time sex. Primary problem is my lack of sexual drive. Since the breakup with (let´s call her) Mina, I initially felt disgust towards my wife, which luckily turned into a sort of acceptance now. Secondary problem is the lack of opportunity. We all sleep in close space together until the level above us is totally renovated. By the way sex was always shit with my wife. And I had always been an early shooter until Mina. She had totally changed my sexuality.

Shit tests are seldom. And in half of that times I fail miserably. Comfort tests/pleas are much more common. And almost always I react to them out of compassion. I don´t adore her, but I´m tender to her. I´m in the phase beginning to see her as a companion and if all works out through the journey of my self-improvement, I will see if she is worth joining me henceforth.

Mina

Well. She is my weak point. I still love her. I´m not ashamed saying it. She dumbed me 5 months ago. I crumbled. Almost suicidal. A big fucking beta faggot. Then a friend of mine texted me a post from Rollo. It sucked me in and unplugged me rapidly. Swallowed the RP eagerly and now I´m digesting it with a horrible tenesmus. At the beginning of the weak I was at the point, where I would have said I am almost cured. Now as life is a bastard, it came to a common shift. Which started in a conversation and ended up with me embracing her. I would have fucked her right there if she wouldn´t have resisted. I´m now trying to figure out, what the fuck has happened on Friday. It was a harmony long yearning for. There were gleaming green eyes telling me without any chance of misinterpretation, that she still loves me. I kept frame until the final second. I lead the conversation, but failed at the end. Or was it life showing me an alternative dimension? What the fuck is with me? I healed myself, then a 2-hours-long, undisturbed, easy conversation tears me apart. I have to recalibrate. Shutting down emotions, doing my chore, putting one foot after another. Read, read, read, run, run, run.

Social

One friend of mine was delivered to the ER because of angina. Other than that just an occasional spontaneous come together with another neighbor resulting in drinking beer and talking about stock market and harlots.

Work

I´ve been out of work since the beginning of the year because of an injury at my left hand. On the first two days this week boss started making retarded jokes about it. This resulted in a longer conversation between us where I stated that I deserve more respect. This obviously didn’t fit him, but I DGAF since I´m signing next week a contract with higher salary and more responsibility.

Goals

Begin lifting
Trying to figure out my emotional resonances and putting them into their place after the conversation with Mina
Checking finances and all credits, trying to evolve a strategy cutting down expanses and putting money aside in case of my marriage becomes critical
Dopamine shut down with no sugar or sweets from now on
Telling boss that I’m leaving and keeping my sovereignty
Sensing, understanding and trying to eliminate every covert contract that is still hidden from my ego
More attention towards my daughter, more patience and more praise
NMMNG: choosing 3 men, trying to get to know them better and as a result helping me evolve my masculinity

Title	Own Your Shit Weekly - February 02, 2021
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	20
Comments	310
Date	February 2, 2021 8:30 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/lar334/own_your_shit_weekly_february_02_2021/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/own-your-shit-weekly-february-02-2021.742674 https://theredarchive.com/post/742674

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OYS #107

1

OYS Week 3

OYS 54

OYS #8

Reading

Physical

Style

Mental

Marriage