Can we talk about how being with a porn addict seriously impacts a woman’s psyche, body, and life?

honeyfairies · 2021-09-07T15:13:37+00:00

i feel the same way!! my ex’s porn addiction was so bad, he could only get off if he closed his eyes and furiously jacked himself off. I was in so much denial and just rolled with it, and i seriously feel so disgusting and used now that i look back to it. I remember one time, i grabbed his phone and searched up pornhub and put it back into his hands, it was the only way to keep him erect, because i wanted his attention and love so desperately. Omg i seriously get flash backs of it and feel so revolted, it makes my skin crawl. I will NEVER be so desperate for someone’s attention like that ever again!

sassyheather · 2021-09-07T16:34:31+00:00

It’s incredibly draining. Even now years later I am super disgusted and sick to my stomach that he ever touched me.

A few times during our relationship I had moments when I absolutely lost my sex drive, looked at him and didn’t feel anything but “What happened, I used to find him attractive and now he’s gonna want to kiss me and else?!?!?!?”

I felt like I was never enough because his porn turned him on more than me. I starved myself, overworked my body at the gym (had a few times I fainted), bought all sorts of lingerie and agreed to countless BDSM things done to me. I never felt happy, there was always sadness and emptiness.

notbossyjustaboss · 2021-09-07T17:04:17+00:00

One guy that was hitting on me once showed me all the p*rn accounts he followed on Instagram intending to make me think how "macho" he was. 🤢 Needless to say that it had the exact opposite effect and left me SO disgusted. Like how can you display this type of behavior with pride like it's not the most sickening thing in the world?!!! 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

shelballama · 2021-09-07T14:57:00+00:00

I think here is a good place to leave a light, anecdotal bit about an ex (dunno if he was porn sick but he had whacko body image issues that he projected, as he used to be overweight, though I never actually saw him watch porn) and he'd always point out that I should only be eating well below a healthy amount of calories and at the gym a few hours a day until I attained "trophy gf" body, nevermind that he was no prize himself.

So here I am getting frustrated and not taking the bait (cut me some slack, I was a fresh 21) and when I asked him to stop fat shaming, which I did very politely (also not that it should matter but I was midrange BMI for my height and he was still a disrespectful little shit) he would say to me "what are you gonna do about it?" and again tell me he wanted me to look like the women he sees in porn. He would circle back to how me being upset at his comments was my fault.

Well, one day I was playing a video game for fun after a rough work week, called "God of War," I think the second one. There's this level where it's heavily implied you have to please two women at once by moving buttons in a certain way. I was struggling with it and he observes (snarkily and smugly, I might add) "looks like you can't please women" and without missing a beat, I said "looks like that makes two of us." He literally left the room SUPER upset and pouted, and if I could go back in time I'd tell younger me to then say "well what are you gonna do about it."

Still had some queen vibes brewing back then after getting tired of his shit though! You can bet he's carrying that one with him to the grave 😂

Edit to add: I dumped him a few months later and he threw several fits about it until our mutual friends dumped him because he was being so immature. Surprise

Betty_Bottle · 2021-09-07T17:49:31+00:00

I won't go into detail as it exhausts me but let's just say I never questioned my abilities in the bedroom until I met him. He eventually told me I needed to watch porn so I knew what I was doing.

Before finding FDS I thought that maybe I was boring for not wanting to do certain acts. My boundaries are mine and no one can tell me they are wrong.

ThrowRA_08t · 2021-09-07T15:13:15+00:00

We just broke up 2 days ago. Good thing Im in therapy because this porn sick man fucked with my self esteem so badly. We would have hit 4 years together in December and I just learned about his addiction 3 weeks ago. This man had the nerve to blame me for his PIED and not seek help. I never could make him climax, but no prob with his hand and porn. He blamed me for not trying hard enough or spicing it up enough even though I tried so hard to please him and indulged his porn sick kinks. He even had the audacity to say our sex life was impacted due to the fact that he can hear me pee. Talk about psychological issues! I know he’s fucked up but he’s made me feel so inadequate, unwanted, unloved, and uncomfortable peeing in my own home. I hope you girls never know the hurt of not being able to sexually satisfy the man you love.

His recovery attempt was weak and superficial. He would just lie to my face about it and gaslight me like I’m crazy. He kept lying to me even when I knew he was lying and gave him an opportunity to come clean.

So now it’s over and I need to move out, uproot my life, and move across the country.

sjefsiljuuus · 2021-09-07T16:03:11+00:00

My ex was addicted to porn. He started to suggest to me that we had to try certain sexual acts because he had seen it in porn. I wasnt interested so I told him no, multiple times. He got angry and told me «no» wasnt good enough answer. He felt entilted to my body and I was supposed to be ready for whenever he wanted to use my body. At one point, I started to starve myself because I hoped if I was too thin and ugly, maybe he would leave me and my body alone. I developed anorexia.

One certain act was a clear no for me, and he knew that. He had of course, seen it in porn and wanted to do it. One night, we were drunk and I had to pee. When I came back, my drink were much stronger than before and I got dizzy and disoriented. I couldnt walk and asked him where I was and what was happening. He had to carry me to bed. He even had to undress me because I couldnt do it myself. I wasnt able to defend myself, I felt paralyzed and I couldnt speak. The next thing I know, he just starts to use my body and do that certain sexual act I had refused to do for months. At that moment, I was able to register what was happening, didnt knew it was rape. But I thought a lot that «this is wrong, this is not right. He shouldnt do this to me. He need to stop.» I then tried to speak but wasnt able to. I then got panic and believed if I asked him to stop he would harm me more. The next day, he was happier than ever, smiled a lot and told me «how amazing last night» was. I then knew at that point that he had become more dangerous for me and that I was lucky he didnt harm me more.

Porn steals everything. Love, safety, happiness. It ruins those close to you. It ruins everyone. Honestly fuck porn. I wish so much it hadnt excisted at all. This thread alone will prove how much damage porn do.

EDIT: I had to think a lot about this response. Regards to healing, I have been in therapy. But I have also used a lot of time to research about porn and its effects. I put the blame om him, not me. My body is only mine. I have figured out I am worth more, and that I am allowed to set boundaries. Got C-PTSD, but my anorexia is somewhat cured. I try to take one day at the time. I have also learned vetting more and now live with an amazing man that respects my boundaries and has shown me how sex is supposed to be, how intimate it really is and enjoys pleasuring me. I have a more normal relationship with sex now, still have to work on it. As long as I never blame myself for what happened, and try every day to forgive myself for blaming myself all those years, I will be okay. I have seen my rapist multiple times and I see it as a huge win that he saw me happy, smiling and in a loving relationship with a HVM. He tried to break me, but he underestimated my powers to overcome the trauma he caused me. I am still bothered with it, however, I give myself one day to greive and try to do something about it the next day. I try to see it as a competition - if he manages to control my life, he has already won. Thats never gonna happen.

To speak out about my experiences has also helped, because that has showed me I havent been alone with this experiences. If I can help at least one by sharing my story, I am more than happy to talk about it. Its important to share our experiences, so other women can get more knownledge.

The most important thing for me that helped me, especially with porn, was to research about it and see direct evidence about how it affects your brain. That made me feel a lot better, because that showed me that I was right all along.

Also, joining FDS has also helped me a lot. I have learned so much and to know there are so many supportive women in here makes me cry sometimes.

electroloop · 2021-09-07T14:32:36+00:00

I was with a porn addict for years of my life. Those years were the most painful and mentally taxing.

I was never “good enough”. I became unhealthily obsessed with my body image and getting surgeries to become his “ideal woman in porn.” I lost my identity. At the end of it all, I wasn’t enough.

After that relationship, I learned to recognize the signs of a porn addict quite quickly. Snide remarks about my body by LV men really reopened the wounds. My ass is “too small”, my vagina isn’t “porny looking” enough. I’ve never had issues with a man not being able to have an erection for me, but sure enough, the porn addicts were the ones with this problem.

I learned to accept that this has nothing to do with my body image or myself as a person. This has to do with encountering porn addicts with severe mental issues. NOBODY will be good enough for them. There’s a reason why these men remain single way into their 30s. They’re so addicted to a fabricated image of what a woman should look like, and their unhealthy fixation lets them miss out on healthy relationships.

I am worthy. I am enough. I am beautiful just the way I am.

I_know_right_AS_IF · 2021-09-07T14:31:17+00:00

My ex was a severely porn sick. I don't think I'm fully over it, or have even fully processed it yet.

Towards the end, it felt like he was just using me to masturbate, which felt awful. If he didn't get his way, he'd guilt-trip me. Even after he asked me for a divorce, he asked me for sex one night and it took a lot for me to say no. I knew I didn't want to, but I knew he'd throw a fit. And he did!

I try to give my past self compassion. I try not to think "why didn't I do/say something?! Why didn't I stand up for myself?" But I was a different person back then, and I've grown and learned more since then!

Talking about it helps, even posts like yours help. Seeing I'm not alone really helps.

ShegoGreen · 2021-09-07T17:43:02+00:00

Men want to blame feminism for ruining society, but will die on a hill protecting pornography. How hypocritical.

These responses are heartbreaking and very disturbing to read.

redyrcanitsuj · 2021-09-07T14:53:18+00:00

my lvm ex had a horrible porn addiction and it messed with my perception of myself so badly, it got to the point that i would have severe panic attacks every time i went out in public because if i saw a woman who i thought was even remotely attractive, i would break down and cry. there were times when he would watch porn WHILE receiving oral from me and by the end of the relationship i was left feeling like all of my worth was in my appearance and i could never be enough. we broke up over a year ago and i’m still struggling with the damage he did to my self worth.

IvyLeagueButt · 2021-09-07T22:43:27+00:00

This guy was so bad in it, it literally made me take a year long hiatus on sex and dating.

This guy made me feel like a masturbatory tool. He'd try to rush from a kiss to sex immediately without a second of foreplay. It made me feel hideous, like my body wasn't worth the exploration and pleasure.

When we'd have sex, he would be quick to try to switch out in positions with minimal to no eye contact. Another reason being that he didn't want to do anything but thrust at depressing intervals. Dude would literally sigh as if I were telling him to clean his room if I asked him to play with my boobs 😂

One night after yet another round of unsatisfactory sex, after he came, I told him to finish me off as well. This loser fucking sighed and rubbed me like he was dusting off his pants for a minute before dropping it and rolling over. I'm not proud, but I broke down then and there. With tears in my eyes I said "do you not know how to fuck or do you just not care?"

My body issues and that experience really made me wonder if I was attractive enough to enjoy sex. Like maybe if I fit a "better" mold he might have had more interest in pleasing me.

musicalistic · 2021-09-07T14:49:45+00:00

I didn't realize porn addiction was a thing until I was with my exes, learned that IT WAS A THING and learned the depth and how serious the addiction was. I also learned that I had developed mild porn addiction from being with my exes.

I made a promise to myself to stay porn-free, learned about the effects of porn by reading the articles from FTND. I am committed to remind myself that my exes' addiction isn't my responsibility and I can heal myself from the addiction itself. I am so proud just how I manage to cure my own addiction.

I am also learning that their addiction have nothing to do with me not being "good enough", "wild enough" etc. The closure is the fact even if they manage to get their dream women to have sex with, it won't satisfy them no matter what because they have let themselves fall.

Dnotchtiebd · 2021-09-07T17:53:43+00:00

My ex was a porn addict and it was awful. One time he put on porn literally during the act. I confronted him years later and he said it was bc we had sex many times the day so it was hard for him to get up. So instead of telling me he wasn't feeling like having sex, he humiliated me and made me feel disgusting. Also he had many photos of random women on his phone that I asked him to get rid of but he would say that he didn't trust me, more than 2 yrs in the relationship. He said we were always a few steps from breaking up but was so shocked when I actually broke up with him. Then he guaranteed that he had deleted everything. A few days later I told him that I knew he had redownload the photos again, despite saying he loved me and would do anything to have me back. Anything but the bare minimum. He didn't deny it, just said that I broke up with him so anything he did was okay. Idk how to heal from it yet.

Vmchik · 2021-09-07T15:07:41+00:00

TW: Suicide attempt

My second boyfriend was a porn addict. He was very misogynistic but hid it with his leftist/feminist identity. At first I thought I didn’t care about porn as long as we still had sex but 3 months into our relationship, we were already having sex once a week. He was 21 so it wasn’t an issue with age.

Soon I realized he had a problem because he wasn’t tactful about the amount of times he would masturbate everyday. He did it 7 times one day and admitted to me that he was feeling depressed. I was obviously empathetic but didn’t connect the dots yet since I had never heard of porn addiction.

We eventually moved in together and it got worse. I basically begged him to have sex with me and he would just make promise after promise. I was scared to leave him because my parents were paying for my housing and he was living with me so I was too embarrassed to kick him out and talk to my mom about what I did.

I eventually developed anxiety and depression and would have panic attacks every time he would stay in the bathroom for more than 10 minutes. I basically felt worthless and felt I would never be good enough. It got so bad that I was actively suicidal and decided to go through with it one day.

It obviously didn’t work which is why I’m still here today and my parents found out because he was worried about me and told them. My mom knew something was wrong and tried for months to get me to come to her for help and eventually I told her and had the guts to kick him out. She was nothing but supportive of me and I’ll always be grateful for that.

I’ll never be with a man that consumes porn again because I almost died. I thought I had anxiety and depression at some point but it was all because of him. I’m much happier now and well adjusted. I’ll also never move in with a man I’m not married to again because he had basically trapped me by moving in with me.

Uereks · 2021-09-07T15:11:25+00:00

I was with a dead dick porn/sex addict for years (I was young and we had a child.) At first I didn't care. If I didn't want to have sex he'd jerk off in front of me. Whatever. Then it got so bad. I can't even remember how many times I'd wake up to him jerking off. Then he started cumming on me while I slept. I started going to bed fully dressed but sometimes my feet would get hot and I'd poke them out of the covers in my sleep. I'd wake up to him cumming on my feet.

Yes I got upset and told him no. Yes I yelled at him and made it clear I didn't like it. He would always just turn it around on me for not wanting to have sex. But when we would have sex it was just terrible. He took forever because his death grip left him unable to feel anything. I couldn't even give him oral because it had no effect. Sex was looooong and uncomfortable so eventually I stopped wanting it.

After years of dealing with this we broke up, I had the most amazing sexual relationship with a total loser, and then we eventually got back together. We were actually working things out. I was more demanding about what I wanted and what I'd accept. I knew how to make it good for myself without his help and, thanks to my ex lover, my libido was normal again.

Then he started watching porn again. We had a computer in our bedroom next to the bed and he'd just perch up there and jerk off right in front of me with porn on. The new, bold me told him it was not acceptable and for a while he stopped doing it while I was in the room. Then one day I was lying in bed trying to relax after work and he's at it again! I said, "I told you I'm uncomfortable with that." And without missing a beat (lol) he snapped, "THEN GO IN THE OTHER ROOM!"

Not long after I accidentally saw a notification pop up on his screen and oh boy, looking into it opened a can of worms. He'd graduated to virtual sex with craigslist whores. We had a huge fight, he slapped me, and I walked out for good.

Porn ruins men.

minisara75 · 2021-09-07T16:19:29+00:00

I was with my porn addict ex for over a year. Doesn't sound very long, but I felt like I was in hell for a long time. Opening my eyes in the morning to see him gawk at Instagram softcore porn was a daily occurence. I knew there was more. The messages, the cheating, the lying.

And boy it did a number on my confidence. I'm still very much recovering from it. It doesn't matter that I'm attractive, fit, fashionable, and that everyone will tell me so, I still feel like I'm not enough on some days. Mostly when I get flashbacks or remember what was happening back then.

But I'm getting there. I found my love for working out back. I found my love for fashion back. Because now i do all these things for me and only me. To compare my new self to my yesterday self. Not to anyone else. Also, I myself stopped watching porn. I'm forever disgusted by it. Good luck in your recovery, you will get there ❤️

oOo_a_Butterfly · 2021-09-07T14:56:46+00:00

Sadly I’ve had two partners who couldn’t finish during sex without watching porn. (Obviously this was in my pickme days). With one of them, it was so bizarre. Him and I were both fairly attractive people. But he liked to watch low production (think homemade) porn starring various (conventionally) unattractive women. At first he wanted to cast it to the TV screen while we were doing it, and I was so turned off I made him stop. But after that sex became almost formulaic, so he could finish in the position that allowed him to watch porn on his phone at the same time. It’s like I became a living fleshlight and it affected my self-esteem a lot. I started to feel less sexy and attractive because my body alone couldn’t make him cum. But it was also quite a mindfuck because I kept questioning why he was more turned on by the ugly women in those videos. Either way, it was messed up. The fact that he rotted his brain with porn long before I even met him didn’t even occur to me until I found FDS!

curiousandbashful · 2021-09-07T14:39:51+00:00

For your consideration: https://sanon.org/

lessadessa · 2021-09-07T19:28:51+00:00

Yep, i dumped my lv porn addict ex last year after his addiction led him to start cheating on me with men online. He was a pervert and also in the closet, and he was perfectly happy using me for the benefits of having a girlfriend while indulging in his disgusting masturbation habits in my bathroom when i wasn’t home. Literally no more porn addicts ever.

One_Bat_2525 · 2021-09-07T22:38:06+00:00

I work with a gross LVM that has a particular favorite porn star they’ve dropped into conversation a couple of times. I chose to look them up on Reddit and was shocked with what they were inserting in their asshole. All the scrotes in the comments were commenting on how sexy they found, what was essentially, her prolapsed rectum. Porn is so extreme that this is the kind of stuff men masturbate to. There was a comment from a woman that asked this particular porn star about how disturbing it was that they were normalizing this kind of shit to young people and acting as though this is what all women do. She was so heavily downvoted. The porn star responded with that she was creating a fantasy, no one was getting hurt and no one under 18 watched her content 🙄

Something needs to change here.

WCAttorney · 2021-09-08T03:05:20+00:00

He jerked off in his car to porn.

He went to sex shops and porn theaters.

He set up a small area in the attic to jerk off to porn every night.

He got a wi-fi extender.

He put a lock on the door.

He wanted to act out porn movies but couldn't ever get it up.

He wanted to cut a hole in cardboard box and pretend it was a glory hole.

I divorced him.

p0ludnitsa · 2021-09-07T15:00:12+00:00

When I first started seeing my ex I knew that porn was a thing, but beyond that I knew nothing of what it really contained. I told him I was waiting for marriage to have sex so naturally he became obsessed with talking about it and all the sexual acts he wanted me to do after we were married. It wasn't until after we broke up, having never married, and I started reading FDS that I learned that all his weird, sick requests came from the porn he was consuming. Everything he wanted was a porn category and I was latently horrified at the thought of him even imagining me in those scenarios.

I won't deal with a man who consumes porn. To be honest I think that the concept of watching porn is weird and unnatural. What is wrong with him that he doesn't have a real life partner to have sex with? Turns out there's a lot wrong with him, which is why he's watching porn.

I'm still healing. I try to remind myself that I am taking care of myself and my body to the best of my ability. If I ever do get married, it will be to a man who sees sex and my natural body as the gifts that they are. No porn consumer is capable of that.

ShittyPianist · 2021-09-07T23:14:17+00:00

One of my exes was a porn addict. It was so bad. I was young and stupid, so I didn't realize how unnatural it was at the time.

He would jerk off multiple times a day. He could only cum in a certain, rather painful, position, where he could watch MULTIPLE screens of porn at once while basically jackhammering me for 20+ minutes. He'd constantly complain about my body, my vagina, etc. He'd go soft almost instantly after getting an erection. It was soooooooo bad. We had the definition of a dead bedroom where I'd have to beg for sex, and he couldn't get hard thanks to all his jerking off. He'd always blame me for it too.

Ngl, it took something like 5 years to really recover from that. I didn't seriously date for awhile. I don't recommend it, though for a bit there I did become something of a serial monogamist just to feel like my body wasn't disgusting and that I wasn't horrible to be with (spoiler alert: no other man has had a problem with me). There were a few men I dated in a row, just to have them have sex with me in a manner where I could reaffirm my sexuality. Therapy probably would have bene the better choice, though I was quite broke at the time and did the best I could with what I had. Again, I don't recommend this route, tho you asked what I did so here we are.

Now, porn addiction is a hard stop for me in any relationship. I refuse to ever go through something like that again. I know my body is amazing and I know I'm good with it. The problem never was with me - porn just fucks up men hard.

chunktopia · 2021-09-07T15:03:15+00:00

If it’s a possibility for you, I highly recommend working with a CSAT. They specialize in this addiction but also in betrayal trauma. Through working with a CSAT, I finally was able to rebuild my self-esteem and stop having flashbacks or retraumatizing myself. She has taught me so much and she gets it: I don’t have to endlessly defend why his statements are objectifying or whatever. I struggled a lot with intrusive thoughts like you. I just want you to know that it gets better!! The reason I recommend this type of therapist is a lot of therapists just don’t get how deeply traumatizing it is and some will even think you’re the problem for objecting to porn use 🤢 Before this sub, I didn’t even realize I could set a boundary that my partner didn’t watch porn. I didn’t even think of asking a man that because I knew how bad the reaction would be! Now I know better. I don’t ask because I think I will be lied to, but I look for the signs.

You got this friend!!! Trust your intuition and focus on your healing. It can help to avoid things that trigger you for a while, but honestly it’s pretty hard in today’s world. I’m proud of you for getting rid of him. It took me way longer than I’d like to admit!

LadyGrimes · 2021-09-08T04:44:05+00:00

Porn addicts don't realize how cucked they are.

PorkNeckBone · 2021-09-07T23:45:01+00:00

I dated two porn addicts in my pickme days. Neither thought they were addicts although they both had PIED in their 20s. After both of them, my self esteem was terrible and I developed eating issues and severe anxiety because I knew that they were constantly comparing me to the porn they watched. It always started off with small comments about what was "wrong" with my body and they would push me to go to the gym or get plastic surgery. I kept trying to prove myself to them and tried all kinds of diets, breast/butt enhancement supplements, lingerie, etc. but something in me snapped when I realized that none of that was going to make me "good enough" for them. I became extremely vindictive in both cases. I began telling them all about the men I liked in tv shows, movies, and porn and would tell them the same kind of comments they told me about my body and push their boundaries in the same way they pushed mine. I would push them to go to the gym and ask if they wanted to try toys or supplements that could make their 🦐 larger. I asked for MMF threesomes and would complain that I didn't want to have sex with them because they didn't remind me of my favorite pornstar. It was extremely petty and I was lucky that both of these men did not resort to physical violence. (I hate that I have to say that) They would cry and I realized that they were just extremely insecure and taking it out on me. I realized how pathetic they were and how all of the things they said to me was because they wanted me to be just as pathetic as they were so I wouldn't leave them. It didn't help me feel better at all and treating them that way made me also realize how little they respected me. I was extremely disgusted by them and my self esteem was still nonexistent.

Once I left the second relationship, I began therapy which helped me overcome and heal from it. Also, I quit watching porn completely and read about the effect the industry has on everyone who is involved with it. Thinking about the depravity of it completely grosses me out and I'm disgusted by people who proudly say they watch porn. It took me about a year after getting out of the second relationship to fully feel comfortable with my body again. I spent a lot of time pampering myself by doing body brushing, finding body lotions and oils I really loved, self-massaging, finding workouts that I really loved that made me feel strong and impressed with what my body was capable of, and buying underwear that made me feel comfortable and sexy by myself. These things really helped me. Wishing you the best in your journey!

littlestarling123 · 2021-09-07T18:34:30+00:00

My recently ex husband is a severe porn addict and a testosterone abuser -one of the ones that follows the exact projected path of the porn having to become more violent, include younger girls, increases in depravity and then adding in men.

Before our divorce i snooped and saw his most watched porn is a MMF double penetration with the F tied up behind a freaking dumpster. Disgusting. They actually punch her too.

In his journal i saw he wrote he was more interested in MMF hook ups. He had always wanted FFM previously, he wrote that I was boring, that I was constantly gaining weight (I had actually lost 20lbs), and that he could not stop fantasizing about other younger women he saw in the porns. He wanted to be free to hook up with younger girls and he was resentful to me for "having to hide in the bathroom to jack off several times a day" because I couldnt keep up with him.

Whats really stupid about all this was that to try to attempt to save our 16 year marriage that includes a child and me ACTUALLY being pretty sexually open and adventurous I researched voyeur clubs and a few mild swinger clubs and told him i was totally down with checking them out in addition to starting to go back to the fun strip clubs we used to go at the end of bar nights. The voyeur clubs you rent a room that has the two way mirrors so its not like you can see the people watching you. I dont know.. I thought it sounded interesting enough to at least try once for an adventurous compromise. Not really my thing but for my partner I could try. Well he wasnt into it. I basically called him on his bluff , had an outfit picked out and everything and he wimped out. Speaking of outfits, I happily had dropped hundreds on toys, new lube and lingerie and weird masks and shit we both were into. It still was not enough. I ordered some anal trainers and tried and did that for him. Still wasnt enough. I began to realize I would never satisfy him and our sex certainly was done being intimate and loving. Even our freaky sex still had sweet moments before..those were all gone

From the testosterone and porn increase path I guess he wanted sex all the time (3 to 4 times a day in addition to his multiple times of masturbation...how did his dick not fall off?) and when i complied it was distant and weird and just a release- after a few weeks of this it severely messed me up and i felt.. i guess unsafe and disconnected. He was not "there" during sex AT ALL anymore. My therapist compares it to a type of rape but i have never figured that out-- I have never recovered from this time where he was absent emotionally and mentally during our sex and he refused to quit the test. he was a completely different person and the sex was not connected and was strictly for his release. He would not even kiss me. It also changed our small intimacy- hand holding, kisses goodbye, bootie pats while passing by. He no longer touched me unless it was a precursor to him wanting sex. And that touch was to come up behind me and grope my boobs and ram his penis into my butt over my clothes. Not sexy. He also could not read a room so would do this like while i was feeding our child. like putting a bite of food in her mouth. Hed want me to get up and go hide from her in the bathroom so we could have sex. That just really grossed me out. I ended up calling the relationship after asking him several times of the sex was weird and if he really was present or was he out in space. he lied so many times and said no and that that must be my issue. one day i sat him down at the kitchen table and asked again very seriously and he admitted that yes he wasnt there at all and was just trying to "feel anything during sex". I was done then. I couldnt believe he let me carry the burden of not being good enough to satisfy him when he knew it was impossible the entire time. It completely broke my trust and I knew then my heart and body were dead to him.

He harbored a lot of anger and resentment towards me for not sexually satisfying him. There is no way I could keep up with him and still work full time (I was the main consistent provider) and raise our child while he maintains his several hobbies and super high libido that is mega increased with the testosterone. Also, i do not have a low libido. i had us take one of those sexually compatible risque tests and I was actually way MORE adventurous than him. there are times where I am insatiable but i am not interested in the sort of sex where it feels like he is just masturbating with my body.

Our intimacy just completely crumbled. He told me sex is a validation for him - as in I must finish and cum several times for it to be considered good for him and to make him feel good about his performance. FULL PORN STAR NOISES EVERYTIME. He also said if i didnt i was messing up how he felt loved and connected to me. He could not feel loved unless we had sex. it.was.so.much.pressure. and so...inauthentic? It made it so weird for me. I just did not have it in me anymore to worry about keeping his dick wet all the time.

So what did all this chaos do to me? Well it fucked up my self image. My body is not porn star level by far. He demanded that i gym more to be strong enough to handle the sex and be sexy and eventually this made me HATE my kickboxing workouts that I previously was really into. I hated myself for not being able to satisfy my husband and for not being able to get my body the way he wanted. I was ashamed that people could see he followed call girls and escorts on instagram that im pretty sure he used. I also got grossed out at myself for faking orgasms just to get the sex over with. because then he thought he was a sex god..he's not. he sucks at oral and he is super sweaty and it gets gross, also not a great kisser and not great with his hands. I could never cum with him without a really high powered vibe.

i have a new bf now and we have the perfect balance of naughty and loving sex and it is just so different. and i think the biggest reasons are because 1. our small intimacies are in in full affect and 2. because he purposely avoids porn because he doesnt want to get on the escalation path. 3. he loves my body any way. extra fluffy or super cut...because what he really loves is me. 4. he knows my hard boundaries on this weird shit. i will never date a guy who watches porn again. ever. I was asking on first dates so i could see their faces for lie detection bcse no.

. I swear if you can find a kind HVM who will sex you up right it is some full on sexual healing.

the biggest healing moments for me where finding this sub and learning about porn sick dudes. theyre all the same. and it gets worse and worse. i havent scrolled through the other posts yet but i can bet we are all saying the same things. Hang in there ladies.

cherieblosum · 2021-09-07T22:36:04+00:00

I'm so traumatized that I can't even have sex without thinking about it. Or any sexual thoughts. I need to purge my mind. I've become essentially no libido or a sexual from it.

sluggish_prune · 2021-09-08T08:27:59+00:00

Yes, almost 20 years we were together. I lost my husband, friend, my person to porn addiction. I spent years trying to fix it but truth is it wasn’t my problem to fix it was his. I will never be the same person people don’t realise how bad it is, it’s like a form of abuse being constantly put down and rejected and replaced by porn. The sad thing is they end up limp d****** losers all alone, at least we can get out and move on.

Fuckdoesithurt956 · 2021-09-07T17:07:27+00:00

My ex was and no doubt still a porn addict. He's a redpiller who decieves women into thinking he's a good person and catching feelings, but they're honestly nothing but holes to him. I kept catching him messaging other women, filming our friends, arranging a sex-tourist holiday with his gross friend, going out with said friend to clubs and not coming home, then screaming at me for asking about it. I stopped sleeping and began drinking heavily and gained a load of weight. His behavior towards me got worse (he even hit me several times) but I blamed myself so I started taking antidepressants and my weight skyrocketted. I felt so hideous and humiliated I had panic attacks when I left our apartment. I developed a stutter and couldn't look anyone in the eye.

I caught him cheating on me several times, and I have his confessions in text form that he does it because he's obsessed and wants to be a pornstar.

SpiteTomatoes · 2021-09-08T00:10:15+00:00

My NV ex was as porn sick as they come. He would make me feel horribly guilty if I didn't want sex Every. Single. Night. Despite my pleas telling him my libido was low, especially due to my medications and that having sex too often physically hurt me. This was before discovering FDS obviously and way too many times I would give in and just take it- Completely zoning out and feeling like a sex doll rather than a human. Looking back, it was pretty much coerced rape.

As far as moving forward- That took time and I still have room to improve from the trauma. Also, I learned after some slipups not to allow men to make moves on me before I am ready and just learning how to say no. Talking about it helps a lot too. Whether to friends, family, FDS, or (especially) a therapist. When dating a man, I make sure to set my sexual boundaries before we even get intimate and that has helped me follow through and respect myself more by being clear about what is not going to be acceptable for me.

shedipity · 2021-09-07T22:17:05+00:00

it’s horrible, i constantly blamed myself because that’s what i was taught to do. i’m so thankful i found you ladies ♥️

CrazyPaine · 2021-09-08T12:25:07+00:00

So story time:

When I was with my ex; my ex was bad when it came to sex anyways, I was coerced too many times into it, he would watch porn to get, touch me in my sleep after I had an exhausting day from work, record me while I'm sleeping, and then had fapping material for his viewing pleasure. Majority of the time I felt used and objectified.

So after his brother stay for a few days and he's older than I am and has 3 baby mama's but he was addicted to that shit too. He would watch porn relentlessly and I didn't know there was a section with old people getting it on too.

Both of them had standards of women where she needed to be raring and ready to go especially my ex. He didn't understand that I wasn't turned on by him anymore because I was first doing majority of the menial housework around the house, going to work for 10 to 12 hours not including the commute from work and back, then he felt obligated to get sex from me every time I got home from work, being coerced into sex and just being out of it. It basically became about his needs, his d!ck and more. Eventually I ended up snapping at him for doing that, he almost upper cut me for calling him a bitch and for yelling at him. I felt used, objectified and just being used like a toy tbh.

gravesearcher · 2021-09-07T21:25:20+00:00

It affects how women view themselves - how they look, how they "perform" in bed, how they measure up to how other women look because the women he looks at don't look like his partner. That takes a huge emotional and mental toll. You can't ever feel really comfortable with yourself, with sex, and with your partner so you can't relax to enjoy the experiences for yourself. You're in your head worrying about what he's really thinking about (who he wishes he could be with), worrying about all the human things about you that fantasy women on the screen don't have. Having emotional and mental blocks make it harder for women to have orgasms. You can never be truly emotionally intimate with your partner because porn causes a lack of trust so the relationship isn't as emotionally fulfilling as it could be.

It affects them. They become unable to have truly intimate relationships with women because they don't see us as people. We're a masturbation tool to them so sex and relationships will never be as truly emotionally fulfilling as they can be for them. When you see women like that, you never actually treat them very well so they're always shittier to their partners than they realize. They teach themselves to constantly seek out stimulation from others so they're always oogling other women and their minds are never really present on the person they're with. They're always worried about "better" out there and so focused on their own anatomy and that everything else comes second, but they're always a bit disappointed so it becomes a cycle. They harm their own bodies through excessive masturbation and make it harder for themselves to enjoy sex and orgasm during it. He also doesn't know that what happens in porn doesn't translate very well into real life. Those things feel physically horrible to women or make her degraded. She doesn't orgasm or enjoy sex with him because of that. He consistently turns his partners off with emotionally and physically unsatisfying sex and makes them want less and less sex...then he'll blame her.

Porn really does ruin things.

WhoDatSayDat · 2021-09-07T16:26:38+00:00

One of my favorite podcasts recently featured an episode on porn addition. It delved into the neuroscience of it.

Not sure if I’m allowed to post a link, so anyone that would like to hear an interesting, pretty science-based episode on porn addiction, search The Lucas Rockwood Show, Episode 476 (August 11, 2021).

This episode informed me a LOT.

xfelugirlx · 2021-09-07T17:53:36+00:00

Well i only can say some men really are egoistic af. My ex lvm was addicted to follow these almost nude girls on ig even when he was in a relationship with a real woman and blame them for being jealous (?? Make it make sense) i told him about this one day, not because of jealousy just because the disrespect man. I’m a woman and don’t do that type of incel shit but he keep doing it and didn’t matter what i told him that dsy (i’m sure he will keep doing it with other couples if they fall for it) He keep telling me things about the way i dress, looks, my beautiful hair and he weights and eats the double and more than me ☠️☠️ the audacity. I don’t regret telling him the last thing I said without thinking about him, i was fed up. I remember saying him one day that he called me sensitive that if was that sensitive i wouldn’t forgive him like never. It hurted him in the ego right back, i really should have said more but it’s not worth it.

muiegarda1 · 2021-09-08T21:31:05+00:00

It's hard, but his addiction has nothing to do with you. That's how he is, he is the disgusting one, you don't have to deal with him anymore and that is the biggest win ❤

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Title	Can we talk about how being with a porn addict seriously impacts a woman’s psyche, body, and life?
Author	onceuponasea
Upvotes	1002
Comments	93
Date	September 7, 2021 2:08 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pjns1d/can_we_talk_about_how_being_with_a_porn_addict/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/can-we-talk-about-how-being-with-a-porn-addict.1067550 https://theredarchive.com/post/1067550

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