Religion and sex

Hungry-Adagio2152 · 2022-05-23T05:43:53+00:00

I mean I lived in the Bible Belt and can tell you faith can be stronger than you think. Indications of this are how often she goes to church, volunteers with religious organizations, talks about faith and generally the role it plays in her life. If sex is the only area where she’s putting religion into practice I would be skeptical. But if she’s all in otherwise it’s probably legit. I knew real fanatics down there.

Spiritogre · 2022-05-23T06:01:58+00:00

Before I get into it, I'm Christian, have been all my life, I've attended bible college, go to church regularly, and ultimately do take my faith very seriously. I'm kind of assuming based on this story that her religion is also Christianity, but I suppose it could be one of the many other religions that confine sex to marriage. but since I can only speak from a Christian's pov, i'm just going to assume she is one. I'm also assuming the best intentions of all the people involved in the story, so I'm going to speak with the assumption that she's being honest in her convictions.

To start off, if she really is Christian, I have no idea why she is dating your friend unless he is also Christian. There are many reasons why Christians are encouraged in the Bible to marry other Christians, and one of those reason is so that they can share values and work with one another to follow God and the Bible, as well as build one another up in the faith. So ideally, this problem would never occur, because both partners would feel convicted about premarital sex, and both would want to wait. So my advice to her would be to find someone who actually shares her faith and values, and my advice to him would be to move on because there is a clear incompatibility in their lifestyles.

As for the fact that she's had sex before. Premarital sex is a sin in the Bible, and is a "sin" (or whatever other religion's word for it is) in several other religions as well. I don't want to discuss theology too deeply, but the whole point of the gospel is that everyone sins, everyone screws up. The important thing is A. believing in Jesus as savior and all that Jazz, and B. (this is more relevant to the situation) to always be striving to do one's best. Chastity is valued just as highly as virginity, at least through my interpretation of the scripture. So the fact that she's trying to do her best despite past mistakes is totally normal and admirable imo. If he was also a Christian, ideally he wouldn't be caring about fairness, he would be encouraging her in what she's set out to do. That's not to say every Christian guy has to just get over any sexual history their partner has, there is still an aspect of comfort levels and trust. But if his reason for being hesitant about the past is because he wants to fuck sooner and feels like he's getting gypped for having to wait, that doesn't reflect Christian values (which loops back to they probably shouldn't be dating if they don't share the same values on sex).

moresleepy1 · 2022-05-23T06:15:59+00:00

he is a fool whos lover doesnt desire him too much. she isnt going to change after they get married either.

Willow-girl · 2022-05-23T11:23:37+00:00

Anybody can set whatever standards they want. Up to him if he wants to play along or look elsewhere.

GlowingAsItDazzles · 2022-05-23T11:57:08+00:00

im not sure you can call this self imposed stupid situation a "predicamet". hes been dating her for 8 months, go out for a cup of coffee and dont come back

tired_hillbilly · 2022-05-23T05:49:50+00:00

Faith is a strong thing and it can absolutely make people wait till marriage for sex.

But I agree with your assessment that your friend is just being toyed with basically. Unless she had some life-changing event that inspired her renewed faith, there's no way she went from having an FWB 6 months ago straight to no-sex-before-marriage.

RealNiceLady · 2022-05-23T10:45:04+00:00

I know so many women and couples like that.

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2022-05-23T05:56:04+00:00

this is why most religions tell you not to date outside your religion. causes issues including, but not limited to, this one.

a lot of Christians have times where they are more devout than others. nothing to do with AF/BB or anything like that.

it's say just break up in this situation. not because of the sex, but the completely different set of values.

hari_hbp · 2022-05-23T07:31:53+00:00

she isn’t going to have sex with him until marriage.

but she has times where she was “broken” or “fell off” her path and would use sex as a coping mechanism.

I think the answer is pretty clear. Tell him to not waste his time with her. She will gladly find somebody else who hears all this and will be okay with it. Your friend isn't, so leave. No harm no foul.

Over_North8884 · 2022-05-23T05:39:11+00:00

She's playing him. She probably has a guy or two on the side.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2022-05-23T08:43:09+00:00

As far as your friend goes, I think they should break up. They are not compatible and are looking for two different things in life and relationships. He needs to find a woman he is sexually compatible with.

To your second question, Will women use religion to make men wait?

ANSWER: YES.

Women are people and people will always act in their best self interest. She realized that giving quick sex to men wasn't enough to secure comittment from them. So know she is trying a new strategy, making men wait till marriage for sex to secure comittment.

Her biggest issues are that she's already had sex with a ton of guys and she's 32 years old. If she were in her 20's and an actual virgin, this might work. But with her age and sexual history, most men won't wait for marriage with her. She may still find a guy that will wait but that man will be EXTREMELY low value with literally no other options.

AidsVictim · 2022-05-23T14:43:31+00:00

The reality is the women is not a virgin and this is as ridiculous as a 30 something man expecting his wife to be a virgin after fucking tons of women in his 20's. She is free to expect and demand whatever she wants, it's up to your friend to recognize how inauthentic and ridiculous the situation is and move on.

This level of delusion and mutability in values is a horrible sign in a partner

throwaway164_3 · 2022-05-23T14:59:03+00:00

Religion is made up nonsense to try to soothe people’s fear of death and permanent end of consciousness

Your friend is just being a simp with an inconsistent and selfish woman. He needs to find someone who’s attracted to him and he joys having sex with him.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-05-23T10:32:14+00:00

She's got a Madonna-Whore complex and is going to give him a dead bedroom.

roguish_rogue · 2022-05-23T11:28:15+00:00

Your friend is an idiot

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-05-23T08:31:20+00:00

I don’t understand why your calling this a predicament, it’s called a boundary.

This women found god in her later life, happens to lots of people so now she’s trying to live right by him and wait until she’s married.

If your friend is desperate to sleep with her then just marry her, but she’s obviously looking fir something deeper and meaningful than that. Your friend can either desire to wait a bit longer then marry her or break-up and go meet someone else.

I don’t understand this horrible mindset that if someone (mainly a women) has had sex previously then she should be automatically having sex with the next guy that asks her out, and she must be playing him.

What does even mean? Playing him fir what? If they’ve moved in together and he’s suddenly paying all the bills then he’s an idiot but otherwise it doesn’t make a difference to him

rivka_ruth · 2022-05-23T15:06:11+00:00

For me personally, it means that I won’t do anything with anyone until I’m married to them. (No kissing, or holding hands, even.). I don’t understand this woman’s perspective. She doesn’t seem to have a clear conviction on this.

As an aside, this is why we tend to ‘date’ for VERY short periods of time.

xcheshirecatxx · 2022-05-23T18:03:10+00:00

Some are truly like this but most just want to force marriage

half-witted-retard · 2022-05-23T06:31:39+00:00

Same exact thing happened to me with my ex-wife. I'd suggest you tell your friend to run the fuck away. If the girl is a virgin, it makes sense to wait because she's worth it, but if she's been run a train over there's nothing rational about this, she has lost the right to ask you to wait until marriage and you need to dump her. (As I should have with my ex, but I was young and stupid and she had big boobs, what can I say?)

Of course everybody is different. But if your friend was my friend I'd tell him to stop dating that woman right away.

roguish_rogue · 2022-05-23T11:36:39+00:00

Nothing worse than a "born again virgin", I would take an honest slut over that any day of the week and twice on fridays.

toasterchild · 2022-05-23T15:54:34+00:00

Religious people use religion to manipulate every situation why would you think this would be any different?

gladusgates · 2022-05-23T08:24:41+00:00

People will do and say whatever to secure what they want. Yes, men will lie to get sex. Yes, women will lie and omit details to get relationships.

briiiana1122 · 2022-05-23T11:42:20+00:00

I don’t understand why someone not religious would consider this. It’s setup for a lifetime of incompatibility.

If they really talk about sex as something she’s going to “give” him she probably doesn’t actually like or want sex or he doesn’t actually think of sex as a mutual activity so from everyone’s perspective in this situation, just end it and move on. Everything is pointing to a miserable mess

JustALotOfLetters · 2022-05-23T08:49:17+00:00

Read the book the manipulated man by Esther Vilar and she outlined how women use religion to control men. Your friend is definitely going to get cheat on. He actions already prove she doesn’t desire him, she can restrain herself from getting with him. She is past 30, the phase where women decide they want to settle had probably been incoming. They have their wild sexual years and then settle down with someone who will provide financial security, someone who is safe. Internal characteristics are the determining factors for why you make the kinds of decisions you make. For men and women. Women try to make rules for betas and break them for alphas. The Bible also says wives need to submit to their man’s authority. See undead Chronic’s Bible verse video where he quotes Bible verses directly from the Bible. She isn’t a virgin. Her actions show she didn’t make these rules for people in the past and she even had casual ongoing sex with other men not even too long ago. She is trying to run the relationship. She is making rules for this guy. Timothy 2:12. They haven’t even been dating that long and this fixation on marriage to pressure the guy into getting married doesn’t sound good for him. She is already trying to exert overt control before they already get married. If she is willing to do this now, without the teeth of law, what else do you think is possible down the road? The system tilts against men after marriage, so you really have to be able to trust and know your woman cares about you through continued action and not trying to manipulate you including through giving/not giving you physical intimacy. Ask your friend if he would be willing to have a wife that uses sex as a power move and that might use it to coerce him or starve him sexually to get him to do what she wants. She might be the magical unicorn 32 year old nontraditional that wouldn’t try to gain more power over her husband in marriage, but what are the odds? Look at the divorce rates? Who is filing them? Men need to be very careful about who they get married to and the circumstances of how they get married. He needs to honestly vet her character and her internal value system. Not by asking her. Actions speak louder than words. Her actions need to prove she cares about the guy over how she thinks it will benefit her. Selfishness levels should be examined. Does she put her wants above his needs? What is she willing to sacrifice and do for the guy without trying to get something out of it? There are many things your friend needs to look for in the internal person. This means outside of her looks, what she says (but still important), her “personality” (the way she tries to portray herself or image she tries to project), and outside of his own thirst and want for a wife and children. He needs to see what kind of heart she has. You marry a person’s morals, ethics, values, and principles. I hope your friend makes the right decision and they work out if they are a good match or he see’s any red flags that he might need to look out for. If he doesn’t understand what red flags are, maybe casually show him examples of Johnny Depp and Will Smith or Prince Harry. Even rich successful and powerful people can have trouble by choosing the wrong partner. He needs to understand this kind of stuff because marrying his future to another person for the rest of his life is a very big decision and shouldn’t be taken lightly.

2022-05-23T13:14:22+00:00

If she were serious she would've cut your friend off by now for not sharing her values.

2022-05-23T15:33:34+00:00

I don't mind dating religious girls. But they can't be too religious.

gofigure62 · 2022-05-23T17:18:10+00:00

People change their minds about things in their lives. Some people find religion and don't want to have premarital sex anymore.

Just as some people lose weight and don't want to lay around 24/7 and eat junkfood all day.

Everyone has their own "Thing", if your friend doesn't like it, he has the autonomy to date someone else.

delight-n-angers · 2022-05-23T20:34:10+00:00

This is pretty common in a couple of crowds - born again evangelicals and recovering addicts who used the 12 step program to get clean. It's their way of undoing the mistakes of the past and most people I've met (both men and women, mostly men actually) who felt that they needed to wait after becoming born again/clean/converted believe that this will ensure the mistakes of past relationships won't happen.

that said, if your friend has an issue with it he should just communicate that to his partner and break up. it sounds like they have different values currently.

pagan6990 · 2022-05-23T21:57:46+00:00

Early 90s I dated a woman who had slipped in her Christianity and had sex with multiple men. When I started dating her she had returned to Christianity (and when I first asked her out she asked if we could go to her church).

However she would have anal and oral sex. As a young, single, Marine I was all for it. She was into the loophole before it was cool. Though she always wanted her clit played with during anal, and I was happy to oblige.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF\_R\_j0OY

MountainousFog · 2022-05-24T04:03:00+00:00

No need to hide behind the "my friend" façade, just own it! 👍

Mouse1701 · 2022-05-24T11:59:16+00:00

It's really hard to tell. Is she sincere or not?

2022-05-25T01:35:03+00:00

but she has times where she was “broken” or “fell off” her path and would use sex as a coping mechanism.

Tell him to run. She sounds like someone who has an unhealthy relationship with sex. A few months of church won’t fix this

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-05-23T08:14:21+00:00

Red flag imo

Anyone claiming faith is the reason for doing or not doing this has me running for the hills

baresquad · 2022-05-23T13:43:04+00:00

He’s kinda the epitome of this sub to me

In a relationship that’s obviously weird, not because she had sex in the past, that’s normal, but because she won’t have sex specifically with him because she’s “broken”

Now all of a sudden “women will use religion to make men wait” when it’s obvious that some will, but god gave us free will so ironically enough we don’t have to date those women

gate18 · 2022-05-23T11:18:48+00:00

she had sex with a lot of men with her past

Now she wants to wait, take it or leave it.

My buddy is in great shape, great job, and he does well for himself

Plenty of buddies that aren't in that great of shape or job have GFs, some even have regular sex, so it has nothing to do with anything.

I told him this is a bad deal.

Bad deal for you not for him, else he would not be with her. easy

I'm an atheist, I think religion is bull, but your post is just "my buddy is with a girl that doesn't want to have sex, I think he got a bad deal but he doesn't seem to mind"

modidlee · 2022-05-23T13:06:08+00:00

She’s running game. She realized she gave up the main thing she has to offer men (her body) in the past without getting what she wants. So now she’s trying to force men to give her what she wants first. But it won’t work because that’s like trying to sell a used car at new car prices

missionarymechanic · 2022-05-23T11:37:50+00:00

She should definitely break it off with him. If she's not allowed to have autonomy in his mind and seeks to coerce her out of her own decisions, then it's definitely a bad deal. It's foolish to date someone who does not share your values and uses your past against you.

alphadawg26 · 2022-05-23T14:26:24+00:00

Born again "virgins" among "Christian" women >>>>>>>> real virgins in terms of numbers.

I suspect there are almost no true "Christian" virgins anymore.

Any traditional woman wouldn't be single at 32 either.

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-05-23T15:24:21+00:00

I think in this specific circumstance your friend is a damn fool if he sticks around for a second longer, especially if they actually get married, that's straight up walking into a bad investment, can't help everybody though I guess lol

Friedidli · 2022-05-23T15:41:27+00:00

Your duty as his friend is to take him on a getaway and brainwash him into breaking up with her.

If she was a virgin that's ok,

This is unacceptable.

Fuck her. Or rather don't.

Break them up.

You friend will blame himself in the future, save his ass.

Character_Hippo90 · 2022-05-23T15:43:35+00:00

Sounds like a serious trap. She’s playing him solely for security. Don’t buy a car without test driving it first.

jayval90 · 2022-05-23T18:21:40+00:00

The woman is a giant hypocrite if she's doing this with a guy who obviously has no qualms about sexual activity before marriage. She's clearly settling for this guy, at least in a religious sense.

If you're going to do this, do it with someone who shares your values. She doesn't actually have that value of chastity in her radar. She's just hoping for some kind of "reward for being good" in this relationship, which isn't the spirit of the principle at all.

trolltaskforce · 2022-05-23T14:00:34+00:00

Religion is an excuse to make guys she isn’t into wait for her so she can vet him as a beta provider.

NKC-ngoni · 2022-05-23T16:12:21+00:00

Beta Bucks. Tell him to leave ASAP.

Admirable_Bass8867 · 2022-05-23T09:55:54+00:00

Why do we judge and dig in people's past on here?

urukshai · 2022-05-23T14:31:47+00:00

Just different values.

I hope for her to get a good Christian man.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-05-23T13:35:49+00:00

Pretty sure she’s just “shaping the narrative” and trying to map out the rest of her life according to her “religious principles” If dude loves her, then go ahead and do that I guess,

Me and my wife were fucking like crazy then heading over to church when we were dating/engaged. Figured if thee was gonna be some forgiveness coming might as well get in some good “sinning” to do right before service! Am I right?

ruboyuri · 2022-05-23T15:02:16+00:00

Well, Christianity is big on forgiveness, no?

ItIsnt0verYet · 2022-05-23T19:26:18+00:00

Who cares about her a past or her reasons. She set a boundary. He either will wait or will leave. Why do we need all this "well she did this before" nonsense. I used to drink and party a lot. I don't now and have no interest in drinking like i used to do. If my partner has an issue with that they will either figure it out or leave. Same with this guy, she made her intent clear. Get used to waiting or bail.

ireland_yxx · 2022-05-23T15:32:33+00:00

bruh if she doesnt want to have sex till marriage respect that even if in the past she did otherwise

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PMmeareasontolive · 2022-05-23T12:15:42+00:00

I've never darkened the door of a church but I've had relationships with little to no PiV sex. It was good, but I was in love with the girl and had an oral fixation at the time which I don't seem to have as much of anymore. What concerns me more about your story is the marriage part, not the sex part. For him, if the sex play they have right now isn't satisfying, it's a fool's wager that it will be better after marrying.

2022-05-23T15:10:50+00:00

I don't know many religious women but the ones I do seem to have sex just as much as the not-religious woman. I do know one woman who is Mormon and was called before the Church to be excommunicated for having premarital sex with her future husband. She just didn't go, stayed with her then-boyfriend and they've been married some 20-odd years now. They don't go to church though.

Impossible-Bank-1697 · 2022-05-23T17:07:11+00:00

If he can’t honor her new believe and standers he should break it off and leave her to find someone who will.

midwesternMD · 2022-05-23T22:24:39+00:00

She could truly feel that way, and last summer’s debauchery was a one-off lapse in her commitment to her faith for all anyone knows.

All that is known is that your buddy likes her, she is on the no sex before marriage boat, and she fell off said boat in the past. So all that really matters is: is your buddy okay with that?

Personally, I would not be okay with that.

1) I want to have some amount of confidence that we’re sexually compatible before I propose. There’s no way to figure that out without having sex.

2) Even if I didn’t care about #1 and I too was a no-sex-before-marriage kind of guy, she’s already no longer a virgin. If I were that kind of guy, I’d imagine that would have been a dealbreaker.

3) I’m a man. A horny man. I have needs. I want to meet said needs with the woman I’m dating. See #1.

Puzzleheaded-Lab-165 · 2022-05-23T23:30:10+00:00

I went to a Baptist church where married couples would join the church one would have sex with a different married person and break up both marriages. After the divorce, the new couple would get married. Basically religious and pastor approved wife swapping. Church is an excellent place to lose your wife to another married man. My advice avoid these type of people.

Guitar-Master9891 · 2022-05-25T02:15:11+00:00

Hahaha I feel for your friend.

I'm a christian also... Well, I believe in God and Jesus, and respect and follow christian values, IDK if that's enough but that's that. It's been a while since the last time I went to church.

Title	Religion and sex
Author	theorangesmile
Upvotes	39
Comments	242
Date	May 23, 2022 5:36 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/uvt7b0/religion_and_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/religion-and-sex.1118886 https://theredarchive.com/post/1118886

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