even if a guy understand a girl's hint towards the girl being attracted to them they may not reciprocate out of fear of misjudging the initial signal

toasterchild · 2022-11-07T21:49:33+00:00

Even if she likes you there is a really high chance she's not putting anywhere near the amount of thought into the situation that you are. If you are afraid of rejection and don't make any move it will probably just go into the "oh well he was cute but nothing happened" bucket. She will probably just get her needs met by someone else. You need girls to be more direct, girls usually don't need to be more direct.

Ok_Scene_1799 · 2022-11-07T18:35:42+00:00

it doesn't matter what you do.

it only matters how attractive she finds you.

so go for it.

she'll decide if you are a creep or a chad, it's not in your hands.

JumboJetz · 2022-11-07T21:47:24+00:00

Guys on Reddit seem to think women are sad that so many guys are missing their hints.

They aren’t. They have 100 other guys to choose from. Get over yourselves. Women might drop a hint but she also has 2 fuck buddies and 10 men in her DMs so if you don’t get the hint she is still getting dicked down on the weekend and will forget you quickly anyway.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2022-11-07T22:09:39+00:00

Women, even the bad girls, are as a rule less direct. Way less direct.

Further, within the dating sphere of things, women are less socially mature than men are at leading interactions or contributing to them.

Which means that as a man it behooves you to take your shots.

If the girl is just being friendly and you take it as her being interested in you she may stop being your friend

Who gives a shit? Who wants an unreciprocated sexual interest as a friendship? Seems like you did yourself a favor.

If she's interested in you but not direct about it you may never know it

I mean....once you get enough experience you start picking up on their signals you'll know. It truly is cute how much they think they're doing. But regardless, you'll know if you just take your shots and do your culturally determined duty, boyo.

I as a person have been asked out multiple times as a joke so even if I was actually asked out I might see it as a joke as well

you need to open your eyes more. A frequent tactic women use is to jokingly say or do something which gives the situation plausible deniability.

Girls need to be more direct as most guys wouldn't reject most girls

Why should they? They don't have to. And believe me, they're acutely aware of how rejection can sting, which is why they have a huge shaming campaign designed to insulate them from having to experience it. You know 'man up,' don't be a 'nice guy.' Just you know, do all the work. Even the bad boy is kind of a good little boy --- because he entertains her.

No matter who you are as a man, you're pretty much on the clock.

Blablableebleebla · 2022-11-07T20:54:45+00:00

OP is correct, the juice isn't worth the squeeze anymore, and jumping through infinite hoops to just be 'vetted' for a date isn't worth the time.

Impossible_You_8555 · 2022-11-07T19:49:44+00:00

Yes I've decided I'd rather some women think I'm a creep for misjudging

Than missing out

fat-lazy-goose · 2022-11-07T18:46:30+00:00

I've had girls be pretty fucking direct and it still went over my head.

Fact if the matter is, there's no substitute for learning what's commonly called "social skills." Lacking them gets you filtered, which feels horribly unfair, and (possibly) leads to worse outcomes for women.

But ladies are attracted to them nevertheless, so there's just no substitute for them. Telling women to change is not a viable strategy here.

SmilesLikeMardiGras · 2022-11-07T23:16:45+00:00

and thats what oblique IOIing is testing for, male understanding of social cues and male boldness

Apprehensive_Cut_146 · 2022-11-07T23:18:22+00:00

A sign that you too coward to take its a chance you miss. It is what it is.

itm4l2000 · 2022-11-08T05:54:29+00:00

She moves in your field of vision and she moves closer you. That's a woman's swipe right IRL but because the amount of hoops a man has to jump through most men like this stop giving a fuck.

More interesting things to focus on than women with low-self esteem.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-11-07T22:36:47+00:00

most guys wouldn’t reject most girls

And that’s why we aren’t more direct. Most guys won’t turn down the low-hanging fruit, but will toss it in the trash the second the girl they really want comes along. Seeming TOO convenient and eager is an easy way to end up as a placeholder girlfriend. There’s a lot of talk about women being the “selectors,” and we are usually the final selectors, but men typically pre-select for women. If the woman is doing all the selecting, it’s highly unlikely the man is going to value her.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-11-07T18:27:48+00:00

But that is exactly why we are not more direct. A lot of men will take the sex and then dump the girl.

MistyMaisel · 2022-11-07T19:16:11+00:00

I'm sorry, if them asking you out isn't a sign they might like you, I don't think there's anything else women can do. This one is on you.

And, guys do reject women.

And, the fact a lot wouldn't has nothing to do with LTR and just has to do with men wanting sex and being willing to lie, cheat, and steal to get it.

So in general, we're better off letting you guys screen yourselves out so we only have to play detective on the guys who worked up the courage to ask us out.

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feanoric · 2022-11-07T21:22:07+00:00

Yes, the game is rigged and also incredibly stupid and subjective.

Porn is at east guaranteed, free, always available.

Not the real thing but close enough.

Impossible_You_8555 · 2022-11-07T19:21:05+00:00

If a dude is too scared to reciprocate when I’m flirting with him then he’s too timid for me personally.

bunnakay · 2022-11-07T18:38:01+00:00

I think women are direct where and when it's socially acceptable to be. The problem is that some men are so desperate that they see the slightest bit of attention as interest. It's why I've stopped being even remotely friendly to men I don't know.

Early-Christmas-4742 · 2022-11-07T18:31:48+00:00

How can they be more direct than askong you out? If you see that as a joke there's not mich they can do.

buffalo_24 · 2022-11-07T19:59:19+00:00

I have a theory that the foundation of dating and relationships for women is based primarily off Pederastic relationships between men and boys in Greek cultures and thus women in general have absolutely no clue on how to properly vet men for qualities that they actually like.

Maybe I might be wrong and women do love patriarchal standards just as much as men but it seems kinda weird to be an adult having to shyly signal to another adult that you want them.

To me that cannot be how grown adults talk to each other

a_popful_mail · 2022-11-07T20:08:54+00:00

Wow I never realised how many dudes are basically useless lesbians too. Lol. In our crowds we tend to make a lot of jokes that the more socially inept of us just outright miss signals in favour of thinking its either just being friendly or just not even noticing it at all. That's why it helps to have friends on back up. Another dude or gal or something who can be your third party arbitration and.. I dunno, elbow your arm when they notice. Whatever works.

Although DIRECTLY asking you out? As a joke? That's a weird one, I dunno, never seen anyone with that level of zany humour. I've flirted before in a joking manner. And then I've flirted before in a "joking but not joking" manner. Usually you can tell the difference when you return the serve so to speak in the same joking manner. If I get embarrassed, you know what it was, if not then you also know what it was. It is a little more complex I think, but everyone has their signs. You notice them if you've known them awhile and pay attention to them.

rickjames334 · 2022-11-07T19:56:24+00:00

I’ve lost a friendship with a girl I really liked because I thought she was advancing but she wasn’t. Sometimes it’s better to ask

PicklePixie · 2022-11-08T02:26:12+00:00

Why do women NEED to be more direct? Because it would be more convenient for men? It's not like there are hordes of women sitting at home alone because the men they're interested in aren't responding to their hints and they're just too stubborn to change their strategy. There's always gonna be men willing to cross the picket line and do the approaching.

For women, waiting to be approached isn't just about being too shy or afraid of rejection. Let's say you see someone on the street giving out free bibles. You might have no intention of reading it, but take it anyway because hey, it's free. Whereas if you purchased your own bible, chances are you're gonna be interested in reading it and you'll also be invested in making sure you don't damage or lose it. A lot of men will accept the advances of a woman they're not that into because it's flattering, and a source of easy companionship and sex if they have nothing else going on.

DaddysCavern · 2022-11-07T19:33:59+00:00

Quote: If she's interested in you but not direct about it you may never know it.

This happens to me all the time. When women do this to me, I get all nervous and awkward and I doubt myself of what to say next.

Normal_Tutor391 · 2022-11-07T22:11:33+00:00

Don't have girls as friends so no confusion.

squeamish · 2022-11-08T00:00:24+00:00

If the girl is just being friendly and you take it as her being interested in you she may stop being your friend

...if you do some asshole something that makes her want to.

Try, you know, communicating with your friend about things.

Gilmoregirlin · 2022-11-08T04:31:47+00:00

I agree it’s hard. Sometimes I have actually had to say I am interested in you I like you etc.

Katatonicsnake · 2022-11-08T10:55:50+00:00

Where are all these men? I have mostly experienced the complete opposite, meaning men who take everything as a hint. Often it’s difficult to convince them otherwise. Even when you tell them “I’m not interested at all”.

It would be awesome if men either stopped reading those “signs”, or just accepted that they themselves are interested in the kind of women who don’t have the courage to be direct (this would mean learning to accept possible misunderstandings as politely as one can).

neetykeeno · 2022-11-08T13:42:29+00:00

So fucking what? If she really wants a relationship she will be giving hints out to multiple guys. One dude not getting it once won't change much about how fast she or he partners up. One dude not getting it over and over from multiple hinting girls however lacks social skills and probably isn't good breeding stock.

Girls don't need to be more direct with guys because being more direct just let's inferior genetics prosper.

Haunting_Afternoon62 · 2022-11-09T07:38:00+00:00

I'm a chick and I fully empathize. I always think it's a joke or I misheard them

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