I posted on a marriage thread about my wife's effort in the bedroom vs mine an it's all my fault apparently!

Sweddybob69 · 2023-01-16T12:18:49+00:00

Try another post on the same sub. Only this time, do a gender switch, change the words around but keep the details similar. I'd hazard a guess that the responses would be quite different

BigBadBootyDaddy10 · 2023-01-16T11:24:51+00:00

Marriage benefits the person who brings the least to the table.

throwaway3569387340 · 2023-01-16T15:49:28+00:00

I posted on a marriage thread...

On Reddit? I didn't need to read another word to know what the results were.

The_Bearded_Cyclist · 2023-01-16T09:29:43+00:00

Unfortunately lots of women believe that them just being willing to have sex is effort enough.

Sex is extremely important for a marriage to not only survive but thrive.

One partner can't control the sex life of both in the relationship. Just because one no longer wants sex, they have no right to just kill the sex life. That is controlling and abusive.

I would recommend you and your wife go see a sex therapist.

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2023-01-16T14:11:56+00:00

Dude is describing choreplay.

It has the opposite effect you are looking for.

Fuzzy_Department2799 · 2023-01-16T14:18:31+00:00

Sadly men take what they can get in bed and are made to feel bad about having desires and asking her to do more.

You really want to hurt a woman's ego. If she is star fishing stop half way through and say you don't want to continue since she doesn't seem into it and you don't want her to regret it tomorrow.

Grand-Expression-493 · 2023-01-16T12:34:24+00:00

Well that's your first mistake, posting it on marriage sub.

Most members are so out of touch with reality on there it's not even funny.

Post it on dead bedrooms sub instead. You'll get real advice.

jagmania85 · 2023-01-16T18:51:17+00:00

Long story short, we just accept the fact that men get the raw end of the deal in todays world?
Men suffering is just part of life but any women suffering must be seen to immediately and funds diverted towards making life good for women. Men can just curl up and die.
Women tell the truth even if its a lie but a man with bruises, black eyes etc will be arrested if a woman complains about him, even if the man raised the initial report.
Welcome to feminism.

ijustdontcare74 · 2023-01-16T10:29:32+00:00

Marriage is the ultimate passion killer (in most cases, yes there are exceptions). Nearly every married man I know has a dead bedroom to one extent or another, almost without exception. Those in long term non married relationships seem to fair much better. I honestly think it’s because women who know that a man can walk away at any given moment tend to work harder to “keep their man” vs women who know their man is chained by the courts to them.

the-lone-squid · 2023-01-16T13:21:35+00:00

Hate to go all black pill on you, but none of that stuff matters. The chores, help with kids, etc. none of that increases sexual desire.

If you’re getting starfish sex that’s not a good sign.

Largest_Half · 2023-01-16T11:16:36+00:00

Women make zero effort in the bedroom. I tried to explain to women that just because i cum doesn't mean i had a good orgasm. for men, we also need a lot of effort to get off properly. This is why i started to care less and less about sex because i usually left disappointed.

When you first get with a women they put in waaay more effort, then that stops when you have been together for a while... when you call them out they act as though nothing has changed - they literally gaslight you into believing they still make the same effort even when you both know she doesnt

ExMuzzy · 2023-01-16T13:46:07+00:00

In general, you will get more honest advice on relationship subreddits if you post as a woman. The drawback being that people are much more willing to overlook your flaws.

Posting as a guy, people often make unfair assumptions, comb through your history for dirt and if the woman in your situation is undoubtedly in the wrong then they will call your post fake or "incel fiction".

LoopyPro · 2023-01-16T13:01:30+00:00

Here's the deal: you can't negotiate a primal emotion like desire, it's either there or it's not. Her desire towards you is not an outcome of you doing household chores. You won't make her want you more by doing more chores, it will only raise the bar to unrealistic heights. Her desire comes from her fear of losing access to you and your valuable resources.

This is also why you don't want get married. It ensures that you cannot step out without her destroying your life in family/divorce court. Your wife has successfully done the old 'bait and switch'. She no longer has to actively compete for you and your resources, resulting in her no longer putting in any effort. What's left for you now is a choice between permanent sexual frustration or losing your kids and assets.

ZenofZer0 · 2023-01-16T15:01:51+00:00

Yeah you got that reaction because modern feminism is a cancerous ideology which for the first time stresses victimization and entitlement rather than traditional feminist values. You’re never going to win against that because it has many of the same properties as a cult. That’s not your fault but there’s nothing you can do beyond staying away from the petulant brats that espouse that ideology.

On another note, I’ve been there. It’s not cool feeling like your needs don’t matter. I don’t spend a lot of time dealing with BS. I address it and then I assess whether things have changed in a way that I am okay with. If not I weigh it against whether I would be ready to terminate the relationship. You mentioned you have kids, I don’t expect you to take this lightly but the fact is that you’ve gotta be your best you. If you can do that while feeling passed over, then cool. If you can’t, pull the plug and find someone who will love you with the same fervor that you love them. Good luck man.

Mantid7781 · 2023-01-16T17:42:43+00:00

Anything involving men and women is the man’s fault. Didn’t you know that?

Ok-Translator2294 · 2023-01-16T10:24:57+00:00

Most women can't put any effort in bed if their life depended on it. There's a reason why starfish and missionary are the most popular positions.

YesYesYesVeryGood · 2023-01-16T17:55:38+00:00

Even tho we have sex regularly I'm getting annoyed with me just doing the foreplay and all the physical output during intercourse.

Yup. This was me in my last relationship. She was a taker. Very poor at reciprocation.

solar-garlic1776 · 2023-01-16T14:08:38+00:00

OP, either your wife isn't really into you anymore meaning she has lost sexual attraction or she is fucking another dude. These 2 things are usually the cause of lack of reciprocation in bedroom.

You need to slowly withdraw your attention. Instead going down on her, get her a little wet, intercourse, then sleepy time. If she is unwilling to initiate or even meet your sexual efforts half way then why should you go above and beyond.

On the other hand, and this is a crazy idea, but talk to her. Tell her that you feel underappreciated and undesired. Pay attention to how she responds not just verbally but physically.

If you are unhappy with the physical intimacy are you happy in the other aspects of your marriage? If not you should contact a divorce attorney and go over your options. This issue is very common and will quickly turn into a sexless marriage and most likely devolve into your wife cheating.

It's a harsh world and you need to prepare yourself for all possibilities.

Good luck

Swiftofeye · 2023-01-16T13:54:44+00:00

I saw one from a guy yeterday talking about oral sex and him being very giving almost always and hasn't had it reciprocated once.

It devolved with most of the women responders making it about them and turning it into blatant sexism and how it's almost always the guys fault for [insert completely plucked from thin air projection]. It was an insane read. I don't even bother engaging, the Misandry and bigotry is too ingrained with some.

chakan2 · 2023-01-16T15:41:54+00:00

That's just how all the marriage advice threads are. If she doesn't want sex, it's your fault. If you don't want sex...be prepared to be called every name in the book and have your manhood questioned.

The reality is it's probably time to trade in for a younger model. There's no fixing it once a woman checks out of a relationship, I don't care how hard you try.

MattR9590 · 2023-01-16T16:08:44+00:00

If you have even a somewhat masculine looking Reddit character or a male name they will absolutely crucify you on most subs. It’s happened to me many times.

yungchino69 · 2023-01-16T17:06:23+00:00

You’re on Reddit of course they’re on the women side

Relativity_Star10538 · 2023-01-16T15:23:02+00:00

A few days ago I saw some poor dude get swarmed like you did by the turd flinging monkeys because his wife refused to give him any more blow jobs after marriage.

There's a reason they're called turd flinging monkeys. They just look for any excuse to trash and insult men. You can't get an honest answer from them. Everything is a man's fault. You can't expect an honest answer from people who start from a mental attitude of bad faith

She bartered blowjobs for housework and the naive dude fell for it. She never followed through. Yet he was the bad guy because how dare he expect sex from a wife.

You can't barter like that with women. It just makes them more contemptuous of you. I don't care for how the guys on r/marriedredpill talk to each other, but their basic premise is right: if your wife gets complacent or contemptuous towards you, don't play along. Work on improving yourself and refuse to engage.

Scarce12 · 2023-01-16T17:00:12+00:00

That forum is a feminist cesspool.

I saw someone post a complaint about finding out their low libido wife slept around a lot at college and the mods deleted it.

Clearly he needed support and she needed therapy. But they deleted it because women sleeping around is good, right?

I haven't since returned to that crap hole of a forum.

ADP_DurgaPrasad · 2023-01-16T14:32:22+00:00

Are you a male ?

Then anything you do is your responsibility and only your fault.

Open-Biscotti-2860 · 2023-01-16T20:21:52+00:00

Stop having sex with her, say you’re not in the mood, ask her to respect your boundaries and no means no. Give it a week or two she’ll be wondering what’s wrong and initiating sex frequently

compellinglymediocre · 2023-01-16T20:33:07+00:00

right why the FUCK is everyone in that thread making a big deal about 20-40 minutes?

The sex with my ex would last for hours on end, and everyone is slamming you for asking for 20-40 minutes of penetration? I’m fucking confused right now

Limnuge · 2023-01-16T17:23:32+00:00

Women disagreeing with our pov? Jeez I’m surprised

kingslayer990 · 2023-01-16T20:08:29+00:00

You could post anything on a relationship sub as a man and come out as an asshole...whatever the situation may be

rabel111 · 2023-01-17T00:38:42+00:00

Its a feminist myth that all women do more unpaid work than all men. The 'mother godess' myth is perpetuated by social research into domestic work using 'self-reported' data from women claiming to be doing so much more than they really do. Mind you there are many women who work extre3me hours caring for everyone more than themselves. But there are many men who do this as well. Its not sex based, it about the individual.

Similarly, the focus on women's sexuality over the last 50 years has been at the neglect of men's sexuality. So many women think they are experts in men's sexuality and like nothing better than to femsplain men's sex life, but really have no idea how men feel. They can't seem to see past the erection. It like, hey I'm up here.....

I'm more fortunate than a lot a men as I have an awesome partner, really awesome. But over the yers I have met many women who really believe they know everything about men, but really know nothing.

knight_call1986 · 2023-01-16T13:32:48+00:00

It has always been more important for men to be good in the bed as opposed to women. I would just do what Patrice O'neal said. "You fuck her like you hate her and you do it without expecting anything in return." Her competitiveness will get the best of her. Any woman I have been with where it was all about her, I would wear her out and then go get on the game. she ended up trying to get me off.

But ultimately it can't be one sided. You are doing all the work and its just taking away from the intimacy.

bmoney_14 · 2023-01-16T20:43:35+00:00

Lol every time I see some relationship advice thread or true off my chest it’s either this.

Woman has issue: your man needs to get his life together/fix himself

Guy has issue: talk to your wife to figure out what you can do better

the_njf · 2023-01-16T14:43:09+00:00

I would say have an honest discussion about your feelings about her not putting in any effort. Obviously not a confrontational approach. Find three separate examples you can use to justify your position as well.

Greg_W_Allan · 2023-01-16T21:34:16+00:00

Turn the tap off for a while and see what happens.

AshKetchep · 2023-01-16T21:49:31+00:00

You really just can't win in some situations can you- If the roles were reversed the reaction would be much different

randonumero · 2023-01-17T00:32:21+00:00

Depending on what sub you used, many of them are echo chambers filled with young people and folks who aren't in your situation. If you think the comments you got were bad I'll raise you the hate an animosity a guy got for saying he wanted to kick out his 16 year old daughter for sneaking a boy in, having sex in the house and then being disrespectful to him. Apparently he should have been happy she was in the next room getting railed because lots of people commenting wanted to have sex when they were in HS and their unfair parents wouldn't let them.

IMO for situations like yours, you're better off talking to your wife or a therapist. Depending on how old she is and when you last had a kid, it could be hormones or a variety of other things. She also could be of the mindset that it's okay to have you pull the weight there because she carries the load elsewhere in the relationship.

External_Knowledge_2 · 2023-01-17T02:27:40+00:00

The Rational Male — Preventative Medicine. You’re welcome.

Stunning-Cost-5752 · 2023-01-16T12:20:22+00:00

I commented alot on the marriage sub before it's not as bad as other relationship subs but still mostly full of misandry eventually I stopped no point in trying to help if your not shitting on men you get down voted

matrixislife · 2023-01-16T17:15:42+00:00

You ran into the "men's pov vs women's pov" issue. Arguments came from both sides about how they have it worse, but the women supporters outnumber the men supporters on there so the men end up dv to hell.

There were a couple of sensible suggestions imo, so if you like you could follow those, but tbh trying to get objective support for any gendered issue nowadays is a non-starter.

Andrew_Baster · 2023-01-17T00:06:55+00:00

Females complain they’re oppressed by the “patriarchy.” You could point out that you’re being attacked by the matriarchy for doing your fair share. Not that any female would ever be happy unless you did 100% of the work.

Final_Philosopher663 · 2023-01-16T12:13:30+00:00

Im just gonna say the are some RP forums for married men on how to become more "attractive" to their wives again. I would listen to some things they say but always take it with a grain of salt and i would dismiss things that could be labeled controlling or manipulative.

And of course a sex therapist would be the common advice.

Izalias · 2023-01-16T17:59:58+00:00

Well there is a simple way of snapping her out of her shyness, and that is to tease her.

Don't stick your dick in, just leave it at the entrance a short while and whisper in her ear stuff that you know turns her on, and just keep teasing her and playing with her until she is pushing herself on to you.

It's like trying to get any shy creature to come out of a safe place. Telling it to come out isn't going to work, chatting about coming out of a safe place will only make it retreat further... it has to be coaxed out with something it wants.

Shyness is a killer in a lot of relationships, and women take a bit of warming up in a lot of cases, unless your body is of a type where they look at you and drool from multiple orifices.

Chores has absolutely nothing to do with the bedroom, and neither does how much they like you, it's a combination of how much they are turned on, and how much you have worked them into a frenzy.

One of the largest contributors to shyness is a lack of self confidence in themselves, and you can really overcome that by telling them things like "Look how hard you're making me" and all that jazz.

jeromeantoinecarter · 2023-01-16T13:09:53+00:00

NMMNG

cjgager · 2023-01-16T16:23:51+00:00

nah - it ain't your "fault" - - - only suggestion i'll give is talk with her - maybe she's not into doing stuff cause you have always done it & she doesn't know if you might want it. some women have heard to never go against their husbands & some take that as never to initiate anything either. the best any couple can do is TALK ABOUT IT. asking redditors to give you hints on what might be happening is like going out & asking your mailman what position is best -

TheFirstGamer329 · 2023-01-16T20:10:57+00:00

Its not unusual to get downvoted for saying something 💀

kochIndustriesRussia · 2023-01-16T13:46:55+00:00

Have you said:

I'm getting annoyed with me just doing the foreplay and all the physical output during intercourse.

to her yet?

It's not fair if you haven't. Studies have shown that people who aren't getting what they want in the bedroom haven't asked for it most of the time.

BlockBadger · 2023-01-16T11:47:59+00:00

Being honest, you got fuck all replies. Not enough to make any sweeping statements.

Relationships are delicate and confusing things, putting effort in and getting nothing out sucks, but it’s far too complicated for me to comment more.

I honestly don’t think we as internet randoms can help with this, other than shit just happens sometimes, if it’s a trend you need to work stuff out, both of you.

SelbyToker · 2023-01-16T20:49:53+00:00

The problem is you deal with the children more and go 50/50 on the chores so I’m guessing she has a career she’s invested in. Not sure what you can do at this point

ehWoc · 2023-01-16T13:02:12+00:00

It really comes down to:

A) are you sure you're doing your part?

B) talk to her about your feelings, consider couple therapy if you (you or her) aren't able to communicate effectively

C) find a better lover or suck it up

No other solutions unfortunately.

taklbox · 2023-01-16T18:41:17+00:00

Maybe she senses or knows the energy you put into this sub and you’re unable to overcome that in her mind. Maybe she’s on this sub as a dude and doesn’t think you’re sincere.

WiseAndWhimsical3799 · 2023-01-16T15:52:39+00:00

So people, presumably women, tried to help you, you didn't like that they didn't validate your claims, so you came to men for approval.

Have you considered she's shy, unsure, worried, scared, ect. about you/your reactions to her taking charge/being dominant (in general/in the bedroom)?

HardHittter · 2023-01-16T10:30:08+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Nihi1986 · 2023-01-16T16:30:21+00:00

Wtf did you expect, dude...you knew what was going to happen. 'it's your fault', and if your marriage end up failing and she cheats or dumps you for another man it will be 'your fault'. To get a different kind of responses you have to put it in a specific way or make her look racist, homophobe, an extremely controlling mother...stuff that reddit hates, but if you just say she's a woman without any further info then 'it's your fault'.

Anyway, not my business but happy wife, happy life, it's what it is...do what you are already doing but get her to a fancy restaurant and nice places from time to time, make her feel important and beautiful and her efforts will improve, it's what it is, that's what works.

Edit for clarification: first paragraph is sarcasm, obviously not everything can be his fault by default and he doesn't seem to be making any mistakes. Last paragraph is actual advice which would actually work, up to him if he wants to go that route.

Illadrex2 · 2023-01-16T19:56:31+00:00

So a couple of things. You made it an option from the beginning, so you may be fucked. What you want, you have to implement form the beginning of a relationship....if you want her to exert more effort, you cut her off at the pass right away. If you want her to give you head, the same thing....it's not an option, she has to do it, or be gone from your life, point blank. Don't negotiate with your happiness.

Now, what you could do, and credit to Patrice O'Neal, finish her off everytime make her cum, then excuse yourself to finish yourself off. You might even tell her when she asks "Oh this way gets me off better/quicker" however you want to phrase it. This will make her self conscious and eventually she'll start trying in the bedroom.

The last and final thing I didn't hear in your recap.....do you work? Not talking about house shit, that's not man's work....and like it or not, women, no matter how woke they claim will judge you on your ability/inability to provide. Maybe you don't have to be making the lion share, but if she feels like you're not contributing at least equally where it counts, her pussy is dried up toward you. She doesn't view you as a man worthy of anything more than the basics of sex.

UnmutualOne · 2023-01-16T20:29:39+00:00

Threaten to get a relief pitcher.

Snivelingincel · 2023-01-16T20:33:21+00:00

Lol idk what you expect of Reddit tbh. Though most people outside of Reddit would probably give you the same response. I was with a girl for while whom was lazier in bed than me. It frustrated me to all hell and after hooking up with a bunch of other chicks who were better I realized she just didn’t deserve me and left. Probably gonna be harder for you to leave because you made the mistake of getting married but truthfully some people just don’t deserve you no matter how much effort you put in. Maybe she’s satisfactory in other ways but sex is a big deal to some people, I know it was to me. If you bring it up to her and she doesn’t make an active effort to change the situation and make sure you’re satisfied, I would start thinking about leaving.

2023-01-16T20:38:44+00:00

I just responded to your marriage post on the other thread. I gave you some tips and advice. Check it out

Hibernia86 · 2023-01-16T21:12:19+00:00

Can you post a link here to the post so that we can see the responses?

NeoNotNeo · 2023-01-16T23:22:00+00:00

You are missing the point sadly.

As per feminists guidelines

Man responsible

Women entitled

When ever in question, refer to above

0R0V0H0 · 2023-01-17T01:19:35+00:00

Sounds like a problem for relationship therapy.

thotswillthot · 2023-01-17T02:39:12+00:00

Bro you’re the man of the house 🏡 I still can’t believe men do 50/50 imagine next she’ll be telling you to bend over you’re a cuck and she’s probably cheated on you at least by now. 5 years in with my gf and I don’t even have do all that I pay the bill and when I want the 🐱 she love giving it too me, when I’m not interested in here I’m on these tinder bumble and Instagram street all women think about is sex 😂 when they are around a guy they genuinely like hope your wife body count ain’t too high cause she knows she’s got you by the balls 💀

trashtony69 · 2023-01-17T06:07:45+00:00

It’s so annoying… you can’t ever talk about women not doing their part in the bedroom without it being the man’s fault. But if the man isn’t doing his part it’s absolutely the man’s fault. Not much accountability happening there as usual.

PlatypusPristine9194 · 2023-01-17T08:10:47+00:00

Nobody wants to accept that women can be bad/boring in bed too. There are a lot of assumptions, misunderstandings and plain examples of ignorance (with a dash of apathy) that I see from women on the internet quite often. The type of woman who would reply to your post that way is probably the type of woman who thinks that simply being present is enough and that his orgasm is guaranteed. It's not a guarantee and even if the guy ejaculates every time, that doesn't mean it felt good. There's a big difference between some tingles and a fucking Orgasm.

marcusdj813 · 2023-01-17T13:09:37+00:00

I hate how so many people default to blaming men even when it's not the man's fault. It's so frustrating as a man.

ElectricalHome0 · 2023-01-18T02:52:52+00:00

I definitely am not the guy who comes to this forum to be a part of am echo chamber, and have been know to push back on some of the stereotypical angry male positions here but I am in 100% agreement with o.p on this one. There seems to be this new age philosophy that exists mostly among people who have left leaning attitudes (especially women) that married women owe their husbands nothing sexually. The problems in my marriage are quantity/not quality related and the issue has caused me so much pain. My wife is a better person than the vast majority of people I know which makes me think that it is a societal problem, not a her specifically problem. Another thing that I am sure is standard is inequity when it comes to financial contribution. I can’t tell you how many times I have had to explain to her that we have probably made about the same over the course of 12 years (I’m an entrepreneur, she’s a corporate Normie). There was never an issue until she got a decent job and then all of the sudden one partner “taking care of the other” was a huge source of conflict and insults directed at me. I say this because I made great money up until this point. Again, maybe I’m letting her off easy but I really believe it’s toxic wokeism that has poisoned her brain. I wish I knew the answer.

Title	I posted on a marriage thread about my wife's effort in the bedroom vs mine an it's all my fault apparently!
Author	Wrong-Art5272
Upvotes	706
Comments	251
Date	January 16, 2023 8:10 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/10d90bo/i_posted_on_a_marriage_thread_about_my_wifes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/i-posted-on-a-marriage-thread-about-my-wifes.1148104 https://theredarchive.com/post/1148104

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