If a guy had 'gay' experiences...

Lysa_Bell · 2023-01-12T19:01:30+00:00

I couldn't care less. I'm bi. I was with men and women. My partner could've been with whoever they want before me as long as they are loyal while we are together. And obviously make sure they are clean of anything.

noafrochamplusamurai · 2023-01-12T19:32:34+00:00

I usually don't make sweeping generalities, but I've had a breadth of experiences, and a social network of friends and acquaintances that is far more diverse than most people. With that I will say that women are covert homophobes. Even the ones that go to drag queen burlesque shows. The ones that have gay male friends that they just"love". They don't view gay men as full men. They view them as less than male. It's a minstrel show of performative femininity to them. A bi male is an attack at the base of their feminity, and internalized misogyny.

Women are becoming more open to the idea of dating bi men, but it's still a very small percentage of women that would.

HolyPipidastra · 2023-01-12T19:25:02+00:00

Do tell me. It’s hot

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2023-01-12T18:41:09+00:00

I don’t mind either way. Wouldn’t want a guy that has an insane amount of sexual experiences though. Gay or not.

Only thing that’s a hang up is my family. They are pretty religious/conservative so it could be difficult to navigate

toasterchild · 2023-01-12T18:30:56+00:00

If I found out by some backward way that my husband had gay experiences in the past i wouldn't care. If he were one of those "im bi and i'm proud" constantly talking about his past sex life people I would be put off by it. Not by the bi part, by the obsession with sex and the constant need to talk about it part. I personally do not want any details about your previous sex life. Saying "i like this thing" while having sex is helpful telling me explicitly what you did with a specific other person is not helpful.

Fancy-Respect8729 · 2023-01-12T18:35:11+00:00

I’d prefer he be honest about his past experiences and his sexuality

smarmycheesesandwich · 2023-01-12T19:11:35+00:00

If she asked, I’d say I did.

I mean tbh that whole “experimental” phase only just reinforced that I am painfully straight.

feedmepizzaplease99 · 2023-01-13T09:16:14+00:00

Don’t tell anyone.

What do you have to gain by telling a gf that?

Sure on Reddit all the girls will say they don’t mind and it’s no big deal and maybe if you live in Portland it isn’t. But personally it would put me off. Maybe even break up as I wouldn’t be sure if you are truly straight or not and that’s what most women would think.

Is it homophobic to get the ick imagining your boyfriend having gay sex with another man? Maybe. But it is what it is and keep that to yourself if you want to keep your relationship.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-01-12T23:28:22+00:00

You’re never obligated to share anything about your sexual history you’re not comfortable with, aside from any stds. That being said, I don’t think it’s exactly healthy for a bi person to date someone who would have a problem with that. I remember telling my ex I was bi and he said “you have to pick because you can only be straight or gay,” and it made me really uncomfortable tbh. I had no intention of cheating on him with a woman of course, but the fact that he refused to accept that part of my sexuality made me feel weird.

I know that there’s more of a stigma around bi men, but I feel like that is changing. My boyfriend is bi also but prefers and has dated mostly women. The gender of past partners doesn’t matter to me as long as they are, well, past.

The only situation in which I can see it working to not share about past same-sex partners, would be if you had just experimented but decided you are actually straight. Then it’s not an identity issue. But if you identify as bisexual and know your partner wouldn’t accept that, that’s going to be one of those things that eats away at your self-esteem over time.

Oh, and I don’t see how being dom/sub or the other guy being feminine or not should matter. I don’t wish to know details of any of my partner’s past sexual encounters, personally. “I’m bi” works.

daisydaisydaisy12 · 2023-01-12T18:32:03+00:00

If the other guy was fem, its not gay. Just buy him some dresses and have him tell everyone his is your gf.

4_gwai_lo · 2023-01-12T18:34:45+00:00

So you're the dominant one? That's pretty gay.

houstongradengineer · 2023-01-12T19:07:39+00:00

Should he just never tell and go by straight?

I don't care. Talk about it the same way you would with any female partners- keep it appropriate for you in your situation.

Does it make a difference if he was never the submissive part? What if the other guy was feminine?

No, doesn't matter.

If a guy was NEVER into someone who looks like me before, though, that could possibly throw me off. I'm not trying to be someone's plot device.

avoiding_a_stalker · 2023-01-12T19:20:06+00:00

I prefer my partner feel like they can be honest with me (I’d have some concerns about the strength of our relationship if they felt otherwise) but I wouldn’t expect them to tell me upfront as it’s none of my business and I wouldn’t mind if it just never came up.

None of it makes a difference to me. As long as they’ll get STI tested with me, I don’t care about their sexual history

Financial_Leave4411 · 2023-01-12T19:40:30+00:00

Lying about your sexual history to women is like a trans woman living about being born male. If you’re not OK with the person you’re dating lying to you about their sexual history don’t lie to them about yours.

my_alt_has_alts · 2023-01-12T19:54:13+00:00

I'd want to know because I'm curious af (also that's hot) but they don't have to if they don't want to.

2023-01-13T07:44:41+00:00

For me I did feel uncomfortable when my bf described that he liked the submissive part of gay experiences. Mostly because I incorrectly assumed he must be really feminine. And I felt really repulsed visualizing it. Later I figured that wasn't really the case and sometimes find it hot depending on my mood.

It's a conversation that should be tactfully brought up. Because unless your partner is curious, they might be uncomfortable hearing about the details of your sexual history, gay or straight.

Barneysparky · 2023-01-12T21:50:10+00:00

It's never been abnormal for adolescent boys to literally circle jerk.

If that is what it is, you were young and horny and did some weird crap no one needs to know. When I was a kid playboy forts were a thing in my neighborhood, where adoselant boys would hand out jerking off together. In my years of dating I've never had a date list this sort of thing in their dating history.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-01-12T18:57:39+00:00

It's his choice. There are certainly many advantages for busexual men and women to pass as straight, when dating or otherwise. But it can also be horrible to never tell anyone. Personally I have a bit of a preference for bisexuals, and a strong preference for people who trust me enough to be honest about their sexual preferences. It would make a difference if he was never submissive as we probably wouldn't be very compatible, especially if you mean he was dominant rather than just having neutral sex. I don't care if the man he was with was feminine or not.

puririnpa · 2023-01-13T12:23:43+00:00

femboys are gay

MistyMaisel · 2023-01-12T19:03:28+00:00

I personally prefer honesty. I don't want to date a guy who has had any kind of sexual contact with another man at this point in my life. The other man being feminine or him never being submissive makes no difference to me. That's just where I am at. Other women may not care or are capable of getting over it. Me personally, I'm not interested in that sort of thing in my man.

Just like I totally respect a man who doesn't wanna pal around with the town bicycle. That should be respected at the end of the day.

search4bigfoot45 · 2023-01-13T02:43:10+00:00

Bisexuality is common in women and incredibly rare in men. If you enjoy having sex with other men you are most likely just gay.

begayallday · 2023-01-12T21:41:02+00:00

For me, personally, I feel that how someone chooses to identify in terms of sexual orientation/gender/etc is subject to a lot of nuance, and is completely up to them. It would be inappropriate to attempt to police someone’s identity. I know lesbians who have had sex and/or relationships with men but didn’t like it. Who you choose to have sex with doesn’t necessarily define your orientation.

I won’t lie, there are a lot of women who would prefer not to be with a bisexual man. I think that is kind of bullshit.

InfamousBake1859 · 2023-01-12T23:18:58+00:00

Why are you hiding it? It makes you either homophobic or closeted gay.

saraimarsena · 2023-01-12T19:20:49+00:00

be honest.

better to found a relationship on the truth than a lie. same as a high n count for a woman, while disclosure might limit your options, there are women who will be accepting of it.

LadyofTheGreyPath · 2023-01-12T19:46:58+00:00

Wouldn't care, but there's also a lot of things I don't care about so that's more of a me thing.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-01-12T19:47:15+00:00

I mean I'd be sad if a man who I had/thought I had a good relationship with was afraid to tell me this but as long as they didn't outright lie to me about it I would understand how difficult it would be for some people to share that.

Safinated · 2023-01-12T19:58:34+00:00

As long as homophobia/the closet exists, we’re not going to assume that you’re not in it.

Personally, I’m ok with it —- but would always have a sliver of doubt

Sophiatab · 2023-01-12T20:21:17+00:00

Honesty is always the best policy.

Vyrnoa · 2023-01-12T20:29:58+00:00

If youre going to date someone you have to tell them at some point. You cant truly be with someone if youre not willing to share parts like this about yourself because it might be significant later on. And you shouldnt stay with someone who wont accept you for something that isnt wrong or bad.

Personally i dont care. Be honest to me. Thats all i care about.

Chemical-Fish6773 · 2023-01-12T20:43:26+00:00

don't care

CruelAngelGradThesis · 2023-01-12T20:48:05+00:00

Once we're dating seriously I do prefer to know whether a man has had sexual experience before me. Not an automatic dealbreaker, but I would have to take that into consideration in terms of vetting/compatibility.

That said whether those encounters were with men, women, one-on-one, threesome, orgies, etc. doesn't matter to me and honestly it doesn't feel like my place to demand answers anyway. The most I'd feel comfortable requesting is that we both get tested for STD's.

Vronicasawyerredsded · 2023-01-12T21:45:40+00:00

What’s the “submissive part”?

Zombombaby · 2023-01-12T22:07:57+00:00

I genuinely don't care. As long as they come into the relationship STD-free, your sexual history is your own. As long as it was all consensual/legal why would it be any of my business?

KissCutMe · 2023-01-12T22:22:21+00:00

Is the guy in question bisexual?

CarlosimoDangerosimo · 2023-01-12T23:07:22+00:00

Morally speaking he should tell. Practically speaking, he would only be hurting himself. And yes, him being the bottom in those trysts would matter to most women. Women would mostly be turned off by the thought of their partner getting topped by other men. If the other guy was feminine, that would be "better" as far as most women are concerned, but still far from ideal.

It's not iron clad in all individual cases, but these trends in behavior are pretty self evident.

Even in leftist and progressive spaces, most people's dating preferences are highly ableist, biphobic, transphobic, classist, and full of subtle (and not so subtle) bigotries and hypocrisies.

It's not hard to find, for example, bi women who admit they would NEVER date a bi man.

I think most red pill "philosophy" is smooth-brained garbage, but I have to admit that one of the appeals is that this "philosophy" is far more willing to engage with the harsh realities of dating than blue pill ideology is, or even leftist ideologies (as a leftist, I kind of hate admitting this but yeah).

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-01-12T23:51:59+00:00

I figure quite a few people have had bicurious experiences. I don't particularly care. But I'd rather hear about it from him than from someone else.

-AvatarAang- · 2023-01-13T02:48:06+00:00

In terms of how stereotypically-masculine they appear and behave, would bi men typically fall somewhere on the spectrum between that of an average gay man and an average straight man? A lot of gay men in media or online display a greater degree of effeminate behavior than would be seen in straight men - so are bi men generally somewhat effeminate too, but perhaps less so than gay men ?

Just asking because I've never seen practically any openly bi men anywhere in the media. If a bi man presented himself in a manner that was somewhere inbetween a gay and straight men's level of effeminacy, then I think it's reasonable for a woman to be less inclined to date him since she might only be attracted to men above a certain threshold of masculinity.

But if she were repulsed by the idea of a man loving another man, then I'd be surprised since women otherwise seem a lot more supportive towards male-male romance than heterosexual men are - so were these women simply feigning acceptance of homosexual relationships in order to fit into the progressive societal norms seen in today's Western societies?

KikiYuyu · 2023-01-13T03:39:10+00:00

If he had the experiences and found they just did not interest him, I'd say that he is straight. If he enjoyed the experiences and wouldn't mind having more, I think that would make him bi.

Being submissive or not doesn't change anything, just whether or not the guy has homosexual desires.

2023-01-13T12:58:33+00:00

Couldn't give a fuck

Monkebizniss · 2023-01-13T18:47:52+00:00

I think most guys have had a gay thought before. Just like most women have probably thought about being sluts and fucking a bunch of guys. You can act on it if you want, nothing wrong with that. But my opinion is, don’t do something that you have to lie about to someone you love. If you want to try gay shit, then maybe that means settling down with someone who doesn’t care about that. If you want to sleep around a lot before you find your person, settle down someone who’s fine with it. But don’t lie, not to the person you love. If you really don’t think you can find someone who will accept you for what you want to do before you date them, then maybe keep it in your pants.

ZippNex · 2023-01-13T20:47:34+00:00

Don't care.

Do care if you lie to me about it, you're out on your ass then.

Title	If a guy had 'gay' experiences...
Author	Curlybrainboy
Upvotes	19
Comments	226
Date	January 12, 2023 5:50 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/10a5ta3/if_a_guy_had_gay_experiences/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-a-guy-had-gay-experiences.1148609 https://theredarchive.com/post/1148609

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