Question for girls who had a "party phase" but moved on

northernlights190 · 2023-02-27T03:23:29+00:00

I was entirely celibate during my party phase. I had only had sex twice in my entire life, with the first guy I dated (as an adult) at age 20. Then I went several years without dating or having sex again, during my peak party years, and finally got into a LTR at age 23.

I don’t know exactly how long my party phase lasted. It started to fade around 24. Most of my friends were older, they were in their early 30s then and starting to burn out and settle down. So my party phase just faded out until that scene was fully gone, though I still probably do more of it now at 41 than most people my age.

What made me want to partake? It was a fun and meaningful time. I was part of the music scene, so I was surrounded by a whole lot of really creative, interesting, colourful people who partied like crazy. It was standard most nights to go to a concert, festival or weekly dance party, and then do a house or hotel party after. There were a lot of shenanigans, a lot of wild stories, and I didn’t want to miss a minute of them.

I loved dancing and music and dive bars. I loved the people I was around. I loved being with my friends, it felt like a family. We really loved each other and took care of each other, no matter how crazy things got. There are a lot of memories I cherish. I always knew I didn’t want a super traditional life and preferred alternative scenes, so those experiences lined up with that. I’m much older now and really, really glad I did those years with those people. It was a positive experience, all the way. Just being alive and really celebrating that by living it to the limit.

It didn’t impact my approach to casual sex at all, I don’t think, since I didn’t have any during that time. Don’t really think it impacted my approach to relationships either.

saraimarsena · 2023-02-26T22:53:58+00:00

lasted all through most of college. i played a sport, and every weekend after our home game we went to the men’s team frat party, or hopped to frats for other male sports teams. sometimes on wednesdays i went out to different frats as well.
the social aspect. i love having a good time with my friends, I love the atmosphere with the music of a good party when you’re drinking and dancing with your friends. it’s a very fun experience
nope I was in an LDR for a decent amount of college. i never cheated. never kissed or had sex with another man and I remained loyal. I just stuck with my friends.
it hasn’t at all. i don’t do casual sex. has nothing to do with a good party. even when I was single, the most I’d do with a random hot guy at a party was never something I’d progress to sex.

blebbyroo · 2023-02-27T00:53:28+00:00

3 years intense raving and even go go dancing at events on podiums

I was taken 90% of that time with my first serious boyfriend and he went with me and partied with me. Good fun.

womandatory · 2023-02-27T14:01:20+00:00

Most of my early to mid 20s.

It was hella fun - dancing all night and not feeling like shit the next day, often getting up or staying up and going to Saturday morning sport, weekend comps. We were machines! I was never a big drinker though.

I was madly in love with a guy through most of it, so regardless of where we were, or who we went out with at the start of the night, we would usually drift back to each other. We were together on and off for around 8 years. When we weren’t together, sometimes due to long stints of working in other countries, I absolutely had a few ONS. None of them were particularly good, or bad. He knew about them. He also cried when I told him I was getting married, but he never asked me, and someone else did.

By 28, I wanted long term stability and while I still partied hard, I chose to be completely celibate for a few years while I dated. I met a guy at 28 I thought I’d marry, but our lives were on different timelines, so it didn’t work out. I met my (now ex) husband at 29. I haven’t had casual sex since I was about 25 and would never again. It’s just not worth it to me. Sex is far more enjoyable with someone you care deeply about, because it’s not performative, you’re not ticking off the ‘things you should do’, you’re focussed so much on their pleasure, you aren’t on a clock, you know there will be more time, so you can just drink each other in.

Imo, casual sex is more about feeding insecurity - you might only get one chance, so you’re trying to impress. It’s not intimate. There’s no deep connection. There’s a desire to perform well, but no desire to seek and give real pleasure.

When I’m with my boyfriend now, sometimes he’ll say something, and it will just feel like someone struck a gong in my chest, and there will just be this vibration deep inside me that connects me to him, and it makes time disappear. We’ve never done anything violent or cruel or degrading or kinky, but the sex is just amazing. We can spend 20 minutes at it, or 4 hours. There’s not a person on Earth I’d want to be with more than him.

Casual sex, or a FWB, or a ONS is like living life by one of those fake, battery button candles they give out at benefit concerts compared with the heat, dancing light, roar and crackle of a live fire that needs to be fed.

mackenzie013_02 · 2023-02-26T23:16:53+00:00

What is a party phase?

I went clubbing maybe a handful of times in my life - it’s not really my scene. I went to Uni parties all through University years. I never did drugs.

I go to restaurants and wine/cocktail bars all the time tho (still 😄). I don’t get wasted tho.

I’ve had 3 casual relationships, 1 FWB, and the rest were LTR.

nemma88 · 2023-02-27T10:35:46+00:00

I went to clubs or house parties every weekend etc.

Lasted until late 20's, at which point social group were dropping out because families were forming / other life stuff / its not as fun when your body hates you the next day.

No, I've never had casual sex, most of this time I was in LTR/s. Out of my friends group 2 women had regular ONS casual sex (like n>50), with another 2-3 having a couple of casual relationships, typically more FWB in those cases though.

It didn't, other than social events with friends groups merging is generally how I met men.

sweetestpineapple · 2023-02-26T23:48:46+00:00

I’ve had multiple of these phases, usually in between relationships due to heartbreak and/or boredom. They usually last for a few months until I get tired and wanna chill at home and go out less often. They usually involve like 1-4 hookups within that few month period, and sexting with a few other people on apps that I don’t end up meeting up with usually due to distance. After a while the novelty of casual sex kinda wore off and I was more focused on quality. But I’m glad I’ve had enough sexual experience to know that it’s nothing special most of the time.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2023-02-26T23:53:40+00:00

I started in high school at 16, lasted until I dunno, I got pregnant at 30?
why wouldn't I want to partake? Alcohol + drugs + nightclubs + youth = fun
I've never had a hoe phase, I've always been in and LTR
it hasn't, because I did all my partying with my boyfriend (or husband) and friends.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-02-26T23:11:42+00:00

you all call "being single" a "party phase". this is not how it worked or was experienced by me. i was "single" or "taken". what you all call "partying" was normal college and post college life in a major city, it was not some special "state of being". if i was single i clubbed, went to dive bars, concerts, did drugs, drank, hooked up, whatever on the weekends. if a hook up turned into something more or i met someone through friends i stopped going out like a single person goes out. id only go out with my SO or i stayed home. if we broke up and i was "single" i behaved like a single person again. i partied as a teen with a few short boyfriends in there, lived with a man from 17-20 and never went out except to go to college class, broke up, partied more from 21-24ish with a 9 month BF in there. hooked up with my ex fiance at 24, he was a party guy so i had to keep going out with him for a while before i just stopped going out after work around 27-28. was single again for exactly one year, met my H and never went out again

ssnabberz · 2023-02-27T05:52:59+00:00

-Lasted through most of college, and in the beginning of my first “big girl job” as all the people i work with party.

-mainly whoever i was around. For about the first year of college it was letting loose and being independent, away from home. Doing all the shit I couldn’t do in high school since i had parents around.

-no. They complement each other, but one does not always mean the other.

-for a while, it jaded me about relationships. I always wanted a relationship but I was naive and kept believing men who played me to get into my pants. I believed for a long time all men didn’t want relationships and would do anything to manipulate me into sleeping with them and leaving. It positively impacted me that I finally learned to put my foot down firmer that I will not sleep with someone who isn’t serious about me and will stick around. Am in a relationship now, but I could never see myself having casual sex again as it is extremely unfulfilling and I have never enjoyed it, even if I tried to convince myself that I did in the past

daylightxx · 2023-02-27T20:21:51+00:00

Nope! Party phase does not mean ho phase!

I live in LA and I very much enjoyed going out to bars and lounges and restaurants (and so much more) with my friends in my early twenties. I drank on nights out but that was it. Not into hard drugs. I dated some guys but rarely ever slept with them. I don’t sleep with people who are banging other people so I’d only sleep with actual boyfriends.

Then I got tired of that and started doing other fun things that didn’t always involve alcohol or bars or going out. Pretty simple.

Reasonable_Volume_96 · 2023-02-27T22:00:59+00:00

I had a solid 4-5 years of partying in my early-mid 20s.

Most of that time I was in 1 of 2 serious relationships so it wasn't 4-5years of hot girl summer if you know what I mean. I mostly spent my partying years with my best friend being degenerates and sleeping at her place drunk on a whole bottle of wine.

I did have short periods of time where I'd engage in casual sex but it never lasted long because the sex was mostly bad and honestly the flirtation and planning necessary to meet up just to get laid was exhausting.

Exhausting but also necessary. Casual sex is mostly just boring.

Partying was awesome until I hit like 27 and started scoffing at anyone who suggested leaving my home after 9pm and the hangovers got bad.

Edited to Add: I absolutely prefer sleeping with people who I can at least see myself with for a while vs a string of 1 night stands. I'm basically a serial monogamist so I know that any serious relationship is not always, and often is not like laying on a bed of roses.

ChadChasingB · 2023-02-26T23:03:03+00:00

What do you consider a party phase? Going to university parties with friends? Drugs? Clubbing on weekends?

kalashhhhhhhh · 2023-02-26T23:37:22+00:00

I'm in college currently, and I guess I'm still in my "party phase", as in, I go out and party with my boyfriend and my friends whenever I have the time (which is considerably less this year, because this is one of the hardest academic years of my college).

I was single for only a month a half since I was 15, and it took place a little over a year ago. That was a pretty chaotic period of my life, I just exited a 4 year long relationship (my first one), there was some unpleasant drama with the guy who later became my current boyfriend, I failed an exam for the first time which made me doubt my overall abilities, some stuff happened at home etc. I felt pretty aimless, and I had one casual arrangement because I just needed a little ego boost.

The experience wasn't necessarily negative, but I don't look back fondly at that time period because I was so fucked up. I've always wanted to try no-strings-attached sex once just to see what it's like, and now I don't have any FOMO about it.

Luckily, my life got back on track shortly after that, I'm in a happy relationship, things are great at home, I finished the college year in time etc.

vivvienne · 2023-02-27T11:42:40+00:00

Not as much in college as my workplace culture so for quite a while, but I only dabbled to blow off steam. Does not equal hoe at all. I was usually in a relationship and just hung out to wingwoman various people and see what the fuss was about. After a few of these I only went out of obligation because it's exhausting and honestly pretty boring compared to other things I'd rather be doing. My partners refused to go with me due to the same mindset.

hopesy123 · 2023-02-27T12:34:04+00:00

For around 2 years or so
I wanted to see what the fuss was about, also many others started to drink and I was introduced to it like many others of my friends were and so it felt just natural to swim along with them, it also made it more fun since it were people I already knew.
For me, no, not necessarily. I wasn’t interested in either kissing or hooking up, i was more preoccupied with drinking and smoking, they gave me more pleasure and fun.
Still not interested in hooking up or casual sex, I have gone on dates, both from real life and OLD but they didn’t really turn out to anything, but casual sex just seems….boring, I did it once, cause of the whole “don’t know if you like it, if you haven’t tried it!” It was just boring, also kinda gross and a huge waste of my time at the end.

BusinessGarage2606 · 2023-02-27T14:35:20+00:00

I'm in a party phase right now. And I'm in a relationship, getting married.

It means that I party with my friends, travel alone or with my man, go to concerts and other cool events, and just enjoy my life.

YaKnowEstacado · 2023-02-27T14:44:36+00:00

How long did it last?

College and a little after. About five years.

What made you want to partake in it?

It was just normal life for people in my age group and area. When I was 17 I graduated high school and moved in with my older brother who threw a lot of house parties and got me into bars underage, so that was my introduction to it I guess. Then once I started college I met more people and started going to other parties. It's just what people did.

Does "party phase" always equal "hoe phase" to you?

Not necessarily.

How has it impacted your approach to casual sex and relationship?

I don't really understand this question. I never thought about my "approach" to casual sex. I hooked up with guys at parties, not every party but it happened. A couple of them turned into boyfriends and one turned into a husband. It wasn't some premeditated thing, I was just living life and meeting people.

I started dating my husband at 23 and we stayed in the "party scene" together for a couple of years, but we went out much less frequently because we wanted to spend more time alone together than out with friends. By the time we were 26 or so most of our friends had settled down and stopped partying too, and our social life became more low-key grownup hangouts.

Ovarian_contrarian · 2023-02-27T15:14:05+00:00

Party phase was just that. Big parties, getting there early, snacking on the food, bringing my own drinks if I were drinking. It lasted about 2 years in total.

As for “hoe” phase, I know of 2 who had something ppd might say was that. However, they each had less than 1 a year for five years and yes it was hookups that turned into relationships but then they got to know eachother and it was not working out. Sometimes my friends were being clingy and weird and other times the dude was very not safe for the well-being of us all.

My approach to casual sex has been and always will be zero. For relationships, I’ve never had a relationship with anyone not already vetted by someone I trust or by myself. I have a great and also very distant “acquaintance-ship” with my exes in the sense that I’ll send their mothers a card on Mother’s Day and that’s it.

Other than that, all good.

whateverlife00 · 2023-02-27T15:32:09+00:00

from I was 17-20. i am currently soon turning 22.
my friends, its a way of being social and in general is funny in the moment.
no, i didn’t sleep with anyone while drinking.
haven’t affected it at all, i still don’t do casual hook ups.

ignitedwolf9200 · 2023-02-27T15:43:03+00:00

I had a party phase all throughout college. I never hooked up with anybody though. Having meaningless sex never appealed to me ever lmao. I don’t partake in causal sex. I still had a great time partying in college without it!!

Willow-girl · 2023-02-27T16:57:26+00:00

About 5 years

Looking for a good time!

It did for me.

No impact, really. I grew up, sobered up and have led a fine upstanding life ever since.

(Incidentally, I'd guess a lot of young men follow a similar trajectory.)

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-02-27T17:13:45+00:00

I'm not sure what you mean by party phase. I will dance until I die. I've never dated or allowed someone on the dance floor to touch me, and was often not dating/not looking when I've been to clubs, raves, house parties.

For a large percentage of my dancing life so far I have been with an exclusive partner. So they were either there dancing with me, or doing their own thing.

Dependent_Vast_4272 · 2023-02-27T17:29:14+00:00

I did for 2-3 years....there was a lot of trauma and it got the point where I didn't care what price I paid to eacape. At that time I engaged in casually sexual interactions to achieve a goal, to feel some level of being desired, to get what I needed, but I stopped when I met my husband. He was different and I wanted something real with him, and I started getting my life on track. Never looked back, so I hate the argument about body count or behavior when you are younger determine your ability to love, faithfulness, etc.

Ok-Put3239 · 2023-02-28T15:40:08+00:00

It lasted a year Bc it got boring.

I was freshly 18 and very depressed. So I drank.

I mean no? I think around that time I wasn’t actively looking for sex or hookups. I mean some people have a “hoe” phase. But I feel like it’s needed sometimes so you can find out your sexual preferences.

I don’t believe in having casual sex mostly because it’s not for me.

Katatonicsnake · 2023-03-01T15:31:39+00:00

My party phase lasted for 14-19, peak years being 17-18. I was curious about it and my friends started partying. I didn’t have a hoe phase, my n count is 2. I think it was fun while it lasted, but it also feels like its own separate part of my life. It started to become a bit boring, I don’t understand how people who are over 20 still have the interest. My parties are definitely more fun now, because I know more interesting people.

sublimemongrel · 2023-02-27T00:58:05+00:00

Like almost all of college/law school.

It was fun.

No, because I didn’t have a ton of casual sex. Mostly committed boyfriends. It was mostly just alcohol/drugs/literal partying.

It didn’t much impact my “approach” to casual sex because while I’ve had casual sex I didn’t have a bunch of it and that’s not necessarily inherent to having a “party phase” in one’s life

relish5k · 2023-02-27T00:13:18+00:00

I “partied” in college for a bit because that’s what everyone did. Then I met my now husband and never looked back, so 0 long term impact.

tinasnow-poty · 2023-02-27T01:18:10+00:00

Started clubbing when I was 17 we used to get stamped into this one club because we went to college with one of the promoters so didn’t need ID. Did a lot of clubbing during my first and second year at uni. I lived in Spain for a year and I was out nearly every weekend. I came back home and since then have been clubbing once. The uk club scene is awful compared to Madrid so I don’t want to go out anymore. I still like raves and go to one every few months. I try to go to 1 or 2 festivals in the summer.

Do it because it’s fun and I love music and dancing with my friends

No. I actually met 2 of my exes when I was out so we would go out together. Going out with my man is super fun. When I was single I did talk to a lot of guys but never had a ONS. If I met someone I liked when I was out I would talk to them after to see if we were compatible

It hasn’t really. It only means I prefer to date people who are also into raves and festivals. Could not be with someone who would complain at me every time i was rolling

ChaosRedux · 2023-02-27T03:59:09+00:00

Not sure it was a party phase per se but:

Ages 18-29ish

Friend group. We all hung out together, drank together, it was a good time.

Not necessarily. I was in an LTR ages 23-28. We had occasional group sex within and outside the friend group, but not often. We were drinking with our friend group and at house parties a good chunk of the weekends, probably twice a month.

After we broke up in 2020, I took OLD seriously, explicitly for the purpose of having a FWB who could meet my sexual needs. I laid out my expectations extremely clearly (must be good at and enjoy anal, must be capable of intelligent conversation, be a generally good person, don’t expect anything beyond 3ish months with sex once a week).

Then I met my boyfriend, we’ve been together a year now. What I learned from my previous relationship is that it pays to be extremely explicit with my expectations and boundaries, and if people do not meet them, that’s not a negative reflection on either of us, it’s simply not a good match.

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-02-26T23:09:25+00:00

It lasted maybe 2 months after my first love who I thought I was gonna marry cheated on me and I agreed to go on dates with guys out of pity, I don’t think it could be called a “hoe phase” I just said yes to some guys about meeting up, nothing happened, I’m not that kinda person,

But I did do a “party phase” where I went out with my friends 1/2 a week and we drank cocktails/wine and laughed. It was great fun and I miss those times together but we graduated apart after time/life

Miserable_Yam4778 · 2023-02-27T00:05:07+00:00

I partied a ton in college, as several of my very dear friends were paying for their education by dealing various substances, and it's kind of "part of the job."

I was in an LTR the whole time. No hookups, no flirting. I was there to have fun with my friends and keep an eye on those of them who liked to party a little TOO hard sometimes.

ashpr0ulx · 2023-02-27T03:23:01+00:00

my “party phase” was several years from teens to early 20’s. for me it was a lot less about drinking, hooking up, clubs, bars, and wild house parties….. i just liked to do a lot of psychedelics with other people in the woods around a bonfire

i don’t think it really impacted my approach to casual sex and relationships at all other than the metric fuckton of lsd i dropped probably helped my mental health and sense of self

fakingandnotmakingit · 2023-02-27T02:26:47+00:00

What is a party phase for you?

I was out roughly twice a month at clubs/parties at university

I got drunk/tipsy a lot. Did a lot vomiting. In clubs and other people's houses.

It was fun. I like the atmosphere. I like the dancing. I like the strobe lights. I liked to get ready and enjoyed looking good.

But also I've only ever done one hookup and that was on a rebound when I broke up with my highschool bf very early on. (we broke up 4 months into university because we went to different cities. And looking back, highschool relationships don't generally last super long anyway)

Ive had 3 relationships in my life and I'm married! Liking to party doesn't mean you have sex with people a lot.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2023-02-27T01:49:50+00:00

It is not the same, you can have a ho phase in a relationship or outside of it honey, a woman can ho anytime she wants if she desires

Parties are the spice of life, I love partaking and planning them

nunchuckbitch27 · 2023-02-27T00:19:05+00:00

Yup definitely had a party phase it probably started as a teenager and I haven’t really stopped yet but it has slowed down in the last 3 years so it’s been about 25 years now I did it an doing it because it’s fun I’m not a huge drinker I mostly just very much enjoy going to concerts and hanging out with my friends my husband was in a band so we did the whole tour thing so we were in a “party” environment frequently no I never had a hoe phase I never participated in hookup culture I have been with my husband for the majority of my party phase well honestly half of my life at this point so no it did not impact my approach to casual sex or relationships

Over_Noise3530 · 2023-02-27T02:31:05+00:00

It lasted til I was 28. At first I participated because my friends were. As I got older I was trying to find my husband at a bar. Was not always a hoe phase. I had few ones and tried to make guys wait for sex. 3 years of it were voluntary celibate. I do believe in casual sex now, party phase may be a reason for it, or it's just my personality. Many of my old party friends are now married

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-02-27T05:55:42+00:00

During my time abroad in my 20's , so like 5-ish years.
It was fun. I enjoyed the parties, and also met some really cool people that I'm still friends with today.
No. If I was in a relationship with someone, we'd party together and they were pretty normal relationships. You can have fun and be a good partner to someone, but you should figure out what boundaries to set that work for the two of you. If I wasn't in a relationship, I'd have FWB situations as I prefer that over casual encounters, although I've had a couple of those as well.
I suppose it made me more open to experimentation, I downloaded Tinder which is something I wouldn't have done before and it worked out great for me.

porchind · 2023-02-28T18:31:04+00:00

reminder that the comments by women here are not representative of your average female and most of them are in fact ran through and have casual sex often.

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MorganSeer · 2023-02-27T03:46:13+00:00

6 years.

I liked it because I was young, and enjoyed getting dressed up in hot outfits and going out dancing and socialising with friends.

No, 'party phase' does not equal 'hoe phase.' In the first year of my party phase, I was still a virgin.

It hasn't impacted my approach to casual sex and relationships. In those days, I had a small amount of casual sex if I was single, but I also had relationships during that time, too. I'm long out of my party phase now, and am in a long term relationship of over two decades.

theycallmecoffee · 2023-03-03T18:48:14+00:00

didn’t equal for me. I loved to party, drink and drugs was totally celibate during my party phase

allaboutconstance · 2023-03-04T20:15:09+00:00

It lasted 2 years for me.

No, I was (I still am) in a relationship. I would go out either with girls only or with their boyfriends/my man.

It hasn’t affected my approach to anything at all bc I was just having fun

bluestjuice · 2023-02-27T01:08:30+00:00

I did absolutely 0 partying in college, haha. Post-college I party some, less as a finite phase and more depending on circumstances (i.e: did I have a group of friends and/or a partner who wanted to participate with me). I’m fairly shy so having a crew to hang with is essential to me enjoying a party atmosphere.

I didn’t have a ‘hoe phase’ and haven’t ever been much of one for casual sex, so these ideas don’t seem very intertwined to me personally. Most of my partying has been done while in LTRs and typically with the participation of my partners.

ThorazinePRN · 2023-02-27T19:53:30+00:00

You really think any girls are going to admit getting ran through by multiple Chads?

Title	Question for girls who had a "party phase" but moved on
Author	traveldeedee
Upvotes	42
Comments	151
Date	February 26, 2023 10:33 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/11cuxxy/question_for_girls_who_had_a_party_phase_but/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/question-for-girls-who-had-a-party-phase-but-moved.1153227 https://theredarchive.com/post/1153227

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