The "Nice Guy" is a scapegoat

jellybeanzandtings · 2022-12-17T17:50:26+00:00

This thread has been removed for OP abandonment. Please read the rules regarding CMV threads. Any further questions should go to modmail.

purplish_possum · 2022-12-17T13:10:51+00:00

Not sure what you're overall point is. However, one thing needs to be corrected. Women don't prefer bullies and/or violent abusive men. Women prefer strong masculine men. Men can be strong and masculine without being assholes.

Strong and masculine men who are also nice >>> strong and masculine men who aren't nice >>>> men who are neither strong or masculine but only nice.

MyLastBestChance · 2022-12-17T13:27:05+00:00

It’s as if some of you guys think that people like skiing because they enjoy being really cold and breaking their leg and decide that dumping ice water on people and breaking their legs is going to make people like them and think that they’re fun.

They just can’t wrap their minds around the fact that skiing is fun and exciting and while there is a risk of being cold and there is a chance that you might break your leg (which would really suck and hurt a lot), people ski despite those risks, not because of them.

TheAutismPill · 2022-12-17T13:12:04+00:00

Why do the men on this subreddit have such a hard time completing their thoughts and making any sort of sense? This is embarrassing as hell.

cindyroseex · 2022-12-17T15:12:51+00:00

Being nice doesn’t replace having a personality. Being nice is the default in society and no one gets shit just because they act nice. Your mom tought you basic decorum, she was not supposed to pick a personality for you. That’s your job as an individual

Zadacat · 2022-12-17T17:15:53+00:00

Its such a weirdo fantasy that bullies “get the chicks”

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-12-17T14:59:41+00:00

Nice is boring. But you don't have to stoop to being violent or misogynistic to get laid. Try being clever, funny, or interesting instead. Nobody dreams of meeting Prince Nice Guy or Prince Wifebeater. They want to meet Prince Charming.
Misogyny is when nice guys say things like "women only date wifebeaters." We don't, and you show a severe misunderstanding of domestic violence when you say things like this. Women don't select for abuse, but abusers are very good at lovebombing and isolating their partners so they are trapped.
And again, you're showing misogyny in just this first sentence. It makes it hard when men say stuff like this to think they aren't misogynists or even that they are actually good people (as opposed to "nice guys").

bootyhunter69420 · 2022-12-17T15:40:07+00:00

Women say being nice is the absolute bare minimum and then date a total asshole.

ass-thetics · 2022-12-17T13:31:02+00:00

Hot take. Most "nice guys" are just bottom feeders who believe the world owes them sex. They act nice and friendly to women, but not for free, because they want something in return. It's manipulative in some way, and women can smell it. Chad may have worked a decade to build his body. Billy only has to pretend to be seen as "nice" to a girl.

Freelovehighway · 2022-12-17T13:42:09+00:00

IMO, the nice guy is too broad a term. I think there is a type of guy who will find relationships hard despite having high levels of empathy and otherwise desirable traits for a relationship. My take is that there is a lot of responsibility dating a nice guy and girls have been conditioned to not be the ones who hurt the guy as all songs are about how the aloof Chad hurts the girl. I think it's the breakdown in the traditional dichotomy between the sexes that hurts guys like this. I believe the nice guy who is only nice for sex is a boogeyman construct. I am sure there are guys who react poorly to rejection but most I imagine just retreat into themselves. If a girl rejects a guy it is very hard to navigate the relationship afterwards. It's normal to be sad and even bitter after rejection. It doesn't make the guy a bad person. Trying to deal with unrequited feelings is extremely difficult. People put too much emphasis on people venting their deepest insecurities at their lowest point. Essentially the guy is saying to himself,' I was a good guy with her, what more did I have to do? It'd a bit simplistic but there's something comforting to think people will be drawn romantically to niceness/kindness. When that doesn't come to fruition it is very humbling. We all want to be good enough the way we are.

asshole67throw · 2022-12-17T15:58:19+00:00

One thing to remember is that a lot of woman who are attracted to those “bad boys” have attachment issues and some form of cluster B personality disorder. Usually there is some deep rooted trauma within them. They are enjoying the chase.

These are not idealistic or healthy relationships. These often toxic traumabonds and combinations of addiction traits, including drug/alchol/sex addiction used to self sooth and distract.

Basically these bad boys are potentially exploiting vulnerable women.

If you purely want to rack up numbers as a man, be sober and frequent places where women are intoxicated. For example turn up to a bar or club after midnight, with the last two hours remaining. You won’t even have to talk to the women, just be friendly and not a creep then invite them back to yours.

I don’t recommend it. It’s highly risky and leads to nothing but a string of casual meaningless sexual partners.

InfamousBake1859 · 2022-12-17T16:09:52+00:00

I have literally never dated a bully/wife beater/violent man. Nor do i want to. I also avoid fuck boys.

That said, you confused nice and boring.

When we reject a nice guy, it’s bc he’s boring. It’s the nice way of saying no. Women prefer a man who is kind (not just nice - doubt you know the difference), but also is interesting and has respect for everyone - this includes self respect. Don’t be a spineless door mat. That’s BORING.

You also don’t need to be abusive to be interesting.

I see one of these nice rants almost daily. Get it in your head… you aren’t even nice. You are boring, probably pretend to be nice, and probably also not physicall attractive, likely don’t have a good career.

Sorry to break it to you

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2022-12-17T16:26:10+00:00

This is such black and white tunnel vision.

Did all of y’all go to the high schools you see in movies where the football quarterback spends all his time bullying nerds?

In my high school the quarterback hung around popular people and dated them and lived his life, outcasts weren’t even on his radar. I’m not saying bullying didn’t happen I’m saying it wasn’t the super popular guys doing it, it was the mediocre people picking on folks they viewed beneath them for brownie points. It was such a subset of people, I find the logic being argued here hard to believe. My bully was straight up trailer trash, she wasn’t prettier than me, she wasn’t super popular, she was just a bitch and picked on me because she saw me as weaker. she had a boyfriend but he was a douche too. Assholes tend to be in the same circles.

I’m not sitting here with halo affect like ohhhhh the most popular attractive people were all angels, they weren’t, what I’m saying is being popular and attractive didn’t make someone a bully anymore than a quiet outcast having a heart of gold.

The stretching it takes to think my bully had a girlfriend so all women like assholes.

I’ll tell you straight up if you being the most charismatic, outgoing l, funny and kind guy isn’t working, being a dick ain’t gonna help either.

Like come in if being a dick was all it took to attract women, ugly socially awkward dudes would have already used that trump card. Attractive charismatic people get partners inspite of being an asshole, they get away with more. Homely Jeremy with the anti social tendencies, cannot rely on his looks and charisma to skate by, he’s gotta cut the asshole shit out and even then yeah he may not succeed but he’s got a better chance.

KlingKlangKing · 2022-12-17T16:38:21+00:00

Women don't like assholes, they like confidence. Jesus how many times does it have to be said

howbedebody · 2022-12-17T17:03:37+00:00

think a 2010 study showed that men who present high levels of narcissism, machiavellianism, and psychopathy were able to get more women in a short term relationship- casual hookups, but can’t maintain relationships. so i guess if sex is the endgame for you yeah being a bad person helps

CombinationUsed7938 · 2022-12-17T14:27:23+00:00

I think I see your point and it's not a good one.

Yes, women like masculine men. It's evolutionary. As masculine man is a good protection provider, and that was needed in prehistory.

But no one likes to be mistreated or beaten up. That's not protective, that is actually an attack.

The guys who get the most are actually not the bullies and you might be having some wrong perception there, which is normal but not good. I'd say you should put some thought on what made you believe that. You shouldn't base your beliefs in some childhood behaviour, as people change as they grow up.

There's also a big difference between being actually nice and having the nice guy syndrome. Tell me, haven't you ever been nice to someone, no matter their sex or age? I bet you have. Did they start thinking you just wanted to bang them?

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-12-17T13:23:55+00:00

The “nice guy” in number one is just the misogynist who is too weak and too much of a coward to be in number 2.

LupeDyCazari · 2022-12-17T13:51:33+00:00

Er, women who are in romantic relationships with wife-beaters and violent men are women who were raised by dysfunctional parents or their parents were functional and lovely, but the woman in question suffer from severe psychological disorders that disable her from developing healthy romantic relationships with men of quality.

I can't figure out if I find this obsession with sex 15-25 year old babies have, even though they've never had it, and don't even know if they like it at all, is cute, or if it's hilariously sad.

Having more sex doesn't mean the woman is enjoying it.

Don't start thinking that you are going to drown in pussy if you start beating women up or being violent with other men in order to impress an emotionally broken woman.

You have far more chances of ending up in jail and getting your ass fucked everyday by you guys beloved Chads, than you have of getting laid as much as you want, with young, hot chicks.

It's easy.

Just don't be a weirdo.

Talk to women like as if GASP they are human beings GASP instead of portable wet holes that you guys want to bury your dick in as much as possible, and you will eventually come across women who might find you to be interesting enough to date.

just don't talk much or they will figure out something is off about y'all.

Taking a look at your username, am I mistakenly assuming you suffer from autism?

If so what you need is help from mental health specialists who specialize in helping autistic men form romantic relationships with women, not any of this criminals get pussy easily bullshit.

gofigure62 · 2022-12-17T15:17:23+00:00

You'd also get more sex if you were a rapist and an abuser that specifically targeted mentally ill, emotionally disturbed, and traumatized women. Those women grew up getting raped by their uncles and beaten by their fathers. Violent wifebeaters is a normal relationship dynamic for them. As per usual, you type of men do not care what type of women are having "sex" with criminals. You just care that criminals are having sex. The context and profile of these people matters, yet you always conveniently ignore the profile of criminal males and the women that they attract.
There are women that exist that aren't sexually or romantically attracted to abusers. The women who are sexually attracted to abuses are more than likely currently being abused and not on the internet discussing relationship dynamics in the modern era. They're getting choked out or cleaning up blood off the bathroom floor from their previous beating, or covering their bruises with makeup. Just as you males claim that all men are not violent abusers that beat, rape, and kill women. Logic would have to imply that not all women are sexually or romantically attracted to men that generalize all women and believe that all women will or would consensually enter into a sexual or romantic relationship with a murderer, pedophile, or criminal. If you believe that all women have sex with criminal men, then there is zero reason why you should, would, or could distinguish yourself as not being a criminal male if your only desire is to have sex with women.
You lack self-reflective awareness. Ask your mother why she reproduced with a murderous sex offender.

suj1290 · 2022-12-17T15:41:47+00:00

It's ironic isn't it .Women can smell misogyny entitlement manipulation apparently by their six senses but also these senses stopped mysteriously working when they were with their ex

Point is attraction. If they are attracted to a guy none of their six sense will work

JDWhiz96 · 2022-12-17T13:24:36+00:00

Most “nice guys” problems could be solved by not chasing women who clearly only go for toxic men, something they are blind too yet see in everyone else. Their next issue is assuming every man who isn’t them is an asshole or bully or beats his wife.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-12-17T14:19:41+00:00

You literally posted the same thing 108 days ago and it was removed, but hey why not:

Being nice to someone with the expectation that you’ll get something out of them is not truly nice, or at least not kind.
Women like strong, nice men- not spineless, nice men. That’s a pretty narrow sweet spot to land in though so obviously there are errors. Men have their own contradicting mating goals as well.

Edit: u/ExpensiveShoulder580 u/awaythrow1234588

Some examples:

wanting a partner who is not sexually experienced but who will also be sexually open and experimental
wanting to father as many children as possible, but also wanting to provide for them so they have half a chance
and on that note, wanting to ensure female partners are sexually exclusive to him, while also desiring a high enough number of sexual partners who don’t demand commitment that it would be very difficult to ensure they’re exclusive

lacked the self-awareness

Meta

GoodApollo506 · 2022-12-17T14:09:40+00:00

FACTS

HuckleberryThis2012 · 2022-12-17T14:48:00+00:00

I think it’s just a hilarious misunderstanding of what being a “nice guy” is. I’d consider myself a nice guy, tho I would never use the term with the negative connotations, bc I am considerate of others, I’m thoughtful, and I care about what my partner wants/needs. But I’m not a doormat who thinks women should be worshipped while I keep telling them in words/deeds that I’m just super lucky to have them. I understand that I have value and that they are lucky to have me. I demonstrate that value, and don’t expect things in return in a creepy way. If my expectations aren’t met I leave for other opportunities, I don’t talk about what I think is “owed” to me. You aren’t owed anything, but you can have standards and you can leave when they aren’t met. I don’t berate women or beg for their affection. I don’t hold off what I bring to the table until they agree to do what I want. I just put myself out there and if it’s not appreciated i have an adult conversation about what I’m looking for and what I’m willing to accept. Women want someone who is confident in their value, not someone who’s value is “I can make you feel like you’re better than me”. Sure confidence can be confused with arrogance and strength/masculinity can be confused with overly aggressive men. But the vast majority of women leave when they figure out that the guy isn’t just strong/masculine, and the ones who don’t stay bc they’re abuse victims and it’s hard to get out of that when you’re made to feel like you deserve it.

Your problem, and those like you, is simple. You are leaving your life’s happiness up to others. You think if you’re “a nice guy” that someone will then treat you like you want and make your life happy. But it doesn’t work that way for anyone, man or woman. You have to be someone who is already happy, and brings something to the table worth being around. Basic nice acts aren’t enough to make someone like you. That’s just liking what you do for them, and frankly it’s just boring to be doted on. Just bc other guys let women know they aren’t going to just worship them doesn’t mean they aren’t nice to them. It’s not binary. You need to stop treating women like they’re above you in the hopes that they sleep with you bc you hold the door and tell them they’re pretty. You don’t have to choose between being a chump and being a toxic asshole. There’s so many options in between those two extremes.

Even if you were right, and it was womens fault for not being with you when you’re a “nice guy” that’s never going to make anyone change. Stop asking the world to change and give you what you want and start doing the work to go get what you want. That’s the attitude that attracts women.

gymbro718nyc2 · 2022-12-17T14:08:30+00:00

Why are you so desperate to remain a nice guy?

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waffleznstuff30 · 2022-12-17T15:20:31+00:00

Women like nice guys. Let me preface that. A kind guy is like nourishing to the soul. Someone who likes you for you and treats you like a human being. You can relax in your relationship and just enjoy the peace it brings. Like we all want that. Its about their words matching their actions. It's following through on what you say you are going to do.

We don't like nice guys who pretend to be nice to gain some kind of reward. Being nice or pleasant to be around is the bare minimum. And you are saying I deserve sex/a relationship for doing the bare minimum and its actually not very nice. That we have to give up our autonomy and give our bodies for you just being a decent person? It's like saying "I deserve a relationship I'm toilet trained". Like everyone should be nice. But using being nice as a way to manipulate and try and get sex is just sad. These are the guys that start off nice enough then once they got their hooks in you will probably treat you like shit or won't do much in regards to a relationship just kinda show up expecting you to fawn over them because hey at least they are nice. Nice guys are bare minimum dudes, and won't make good partners.

WideAwake550 · 2022-12-17T15:30:49+00:00

Nice Guys tm are beta simps who deserve their failure.

They put women on a pedestal and fell for the Disney princess crap and learned the hard way that they have to bring more to the table than do their female friends small favors to win them over.

ManWazo · 2022-12-17T15:40:22+00:00

women, for some reason, lacked the self-reflexive awareness

This is peak Nice Guy (tm). Nice Guy (tm) do like to insult all women, while the Chads are respectful, honest, hot and confident. You aren't being nice to women and this is the reason you can't date.

JixDiz · 2022-12-17T16:05:20+00:00

Lol. Ok.

classicslayer · 2022-12-17T16:31:31+00:00

You can be a nice guy but you have to have an edge to you. Maybe you're a nice person but also a boxer or in the army. In the back of a woman's head she has to think that you have some masculine qualities that can used when shit hits the fan.

ShoCkEpic · 2022-12-17T16:55:35+00:00

bullshit…

it’s not about being nice or not

just being cute makes girls fall over

you can be an asshole or kind for that matter

(cute and know how to dress)

Title	The "Nice Guy" is a scapegoat
Author	Johnny_Autism
Upvotes	53
Comments	255
Date	December 17, 2022 12:59 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zo5svz/the_nice_guy_is_a_scapegoat/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-nice-guy-is-a-scapegoat.1208068 https://theredarchive.com/post/1208068

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