Should men really care that much about "slut shaming"?

Crafty-Particular998 · 2022-05-12T08:37:16+00:00

Even I don’t care about slut shaming as a woman. I would define a slut as anyone who puts their need for sex before people’s well-being on a frequent basis, e.g leading on multiple people while sleeping with others, cheating, homewrecking, multiple partners a week/spreading STIs etc. And men are actually terrible for this as well, and they do get shamed, they get called fuckboys.

It is not just someone who has sex. I very rarely see people shamed just because they have sex. I commonly see people shamed for promiscuity and I don’t actually have a problem with that.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2022-05-11T23:40:26+00:00

There's no real reason to disparage someone over something that doesn't affect you, and there are also much much much more tactful ways of discussing your preferences in a way that is thoughtful and easily palatable to others.

Disparaging people in general is just bad vibes and I don't even care to be friends with people who do talk negatively about others to that extent. Only time it's tolerable is if you're calling out people for actions that are obviously damaging to others.

Vtridolla · 2022-05-11T23:36:15+00:00

Just gotta know your audience. Like if you go to red pill places online and say something as crazy as “women should have access to equal god given rights.” Then You get called a “betabuckscucksimparino9000” it’s all just about perspective.

As a promiscuous man I have had some women be shook about my past. They would just compare themselves to the invisible women they made up in their head, or doubt that they could ever satisfy me, etc. It just comes from insecurity I’ve found. So I would assume it’s the same in men who feel challenged by a women’s sexual history and that’s okay.

plumtastic · 2022-05-11T23:43:51+00:00

On the one hand, I don't think people who are 'slutty' should really care about the opinions of people with obviously drastically different values to themselves. No one is entitled to approval. On the other hand, harassing people for not having the same values as you is a dick move. Emotional immaturity all round.

wtknight · 2022-05-12T01:15:32+00:00

Men care about it because a lot of them don’t want to be with women who were significantly more promiscuous than them. It becomes an issue when these men want relationships and loyalty, as many men don’t trust women with a higher N than them to be loyal.

If a man doesn’t want a relationship, then it’s probably not logical for him to care, though.

nemma88 · 2022-05-11T23:51:40+00:00

I think people should care, at least try a wee bit about being pleasant to each other.

On point 3, be the change you want to see and all that. If other men slut shame do you deserve to be virgin shamed in kind?

Edit; There is no righteousness in using guilt by association.

ClaraBow01 · 2022-05-12T06:00:12+00:00

I do agree virgin shaming is an issue that needs more attention. The problem with incels is their misogyny, not virginity. I think both issues need to be tackled. People are more than their sex lives or lack there of.

urukshai · 2022-05-12T14:45:56+00:00

Slut shaming is often pointing out facts.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2022-05-12T16:55:53+00:00

I don't care. I don't judge.

But I'm not marrying a slut.

bluestjuice · 2022-05-12T00:25:29+00:00

The thing about being a slut is that it’s a completely subjective assessment. Ask ten people and you’ll get ten different definitions.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-05-12T00:19:35+00:00

Normal men should not care about slut shaming as an issue because it doesn't affect them.

Selfish men like myself should care greatly about slut shaming because if you have girls scared to go full slut on you then you're tamping down the number of women who will have casual sex.

LOTS of women are horny as fuck who want to bang a hot guy they think is nice, but don't because they're afraid of being judged. That's terrible. They should just full send it

OscarSmiled · 2022-05-12T00:24:39+00:00

Slut shaming an actual person is stupid. Defining a dating preference for not sluts is a preference. If women can reject men under 6”4”, then men can reject women for being a slut.

Personally, I prefer sluts, but preferences for any reason is valid.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-05-12T03:18:58+00:00

Or or or...

We should be decent people to each other and just... Not be dicks????

The people in this sub is waay too happy to be dicks to people just because those people live a different lifestyles/ don't run in their social circles.

Like geez Louise. Live and let live. Move on.

DeliciousPussyNectar · 2022-05-12T03:02:23+00:00

Men don’t want to be with somebody known as a slut, unless he’s the one using her as one

SilentFoxScream · 2022-05-12T02:28:53+00:00

They're both shitty. Unless you're entering a relationship with someone, and you have a personal preference for whatever reason, it doesn't matter at all what their experience or lack thereof is. And even then - be kind.

Smithersink · 2022-05-12T04:55:47+00:00

I think it depends what we mean by “slut shaming.” Actively targeting someone and bullying/harassing them for their body count is fucked up and shouldn’t be tolerated—but I don’t see that very often. More often it’s guys having a preference for women with a lower body count, which is fine; people have their preferences. There is the gray area in between of men calling certain women sluts/whores in private. It might not mean that they hate or disrespect women in general, but I’d just be careful about who you associate with your for your own sake. I want to hang out with people who share my values, and I don’t police words, but if I get the sense that the people I’m hanging out with resent or disrespect women in general, I’d just be concerned I’m falling in with a toxic crowd.

Lateralanouncer · 2022-05-12T00:01:52+00:00

Men don't really slut shame we like sluts. Men do it in a way to warn other men said woman is not a good long-term term investment.

Some feminist sociologists did a study severl years ago about it. She was surprised, men instinctively warn other men not to commitment to casual woman.

Even a simple conversation, did you hook up with that girl from the club. It's also why Red pill, mgtow videos etc. About the subject and misinterpreted.

NockerJoe · 2022-05-11T23:49:33+00:00

If you've met an otherwise perfect woman and she happenes to have fucked like a hundred dudes in the past, but is clean and free from diseases, then sure. But that's such a small portion of the population it essentially isn't worth talking about because not a lot of people are actually going out and racking up that kind of a count or hitting the party scene for that long without picking up other behavioral issues that'll cause problems.

PPD is a weird space because basically everyone here has an either extremely low count or a really high count but the average lifetime partner count in the west has been at about 7, give or take, for decades. People saying having 30+ is normal are as crazy as people saying 0 is normal.

For an actual reasonable person this is what the whole point of dating is. You're assessing your compatibility and looking for red flags and figuring out how your goals match up. You're supposed to use your brain and figure out what you care about on your own.

somenytoi · 2022-05-11T23:46:22+00:00

I don't really consider it but in my age range body count ranges from 3 to 3000 .

neolib-cowboy · 2022-05-12T04:48:51+00:00

No. Personally I wouldnt recommend going around slut shaming women to their face. Just basic politeness. As always, keep negative thoughts to yourself and if u go on a date with a woman who has a high body count you can just end the dare amicably at the end or just txt her later saying you dont think it will work out. No value in telling women to their face their sluts it doesnt accomplish anything.

MasterTeacher123 · 2022-05-12T04:50:41+00:00

I agree with 1, the vast majority of “slut shaming” I’ve seen IRL was women trying to police other women.

Guitar-Master9891 · 2022-05-12T02:22:25+00:00

Men don't care about slut shaming.

If anything, it's negative for us, since sluts hide their behaviour and are more careful if they think they are going to get backlash for their promiscuity.

And we don't get free, cheap sex neither.

It's in women's best intrest, not men's, to slut shame.

2022-05-11T23:36:39+00:00

You cannot force people to care about anything.

Participating, defending in, or not being opposed to slut shaming is a red flag to me, even as a virgin. There is no "should" there is only "what kind of people do I want to be associated with."

RealNiceLady · 2022-05-11T23:54:26+00:00

Should men really care that much about "slut shaming"?

Slut-shaming is why I won't please your dick before marriage.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-05-12T00:21:24+00:00

You mean should you pretend to care? Nah, what’s the point in that? Nobody is forcing you to care about slut-shaming or forcing you to associate with “sluts.” You do you, other people can decide if they want to be around you or not.

JumboJetz · 2022-05-12T01:16:53+00:00

If men want more sex than yeah they shouldn’t slut shame. However they have no control over the billions of women who slut shame of course. However clean your own house first.

Anti_Thing · 2022-05-12T02:16:41+00:00

That depends on how you define "slut shaming".

Jesus demands that unrepentant sinners be expelled from the church, so for us Christians "slut shaming" is arguably a religious duty.

Transmigratory · 2022-05-12T02:19:04+00:00

Men shouldn't despite what the PPD and 2XC, who represent the minority, believe.

Kaisern · 2022-05-12T09:08:38+00:00

Men should absolutely care as they should want MORE of it

Bringing back intense slut shaming is one of the most important tools to better society and make dating/relationships/marriage great again

everythingelseisfull · 2022-05-12T02:37:57+00:00

This concern about slut shaming is a great example of people who are used to sitting in judgement are never good at being judged. We shouldn't use crude language but shouldn't be too worried about defending preferences.

123QWERa · 2022-05-12T01:05:47+00:00

If women weren't slut shamed as much, they'd be more honest about revealing their n count rather than to obscure it.

dottywine · 2022-05-12T05:50:46+00:00

I disagree. Most slut shaming I've heard comes from men. Especially as you get older.
When you're a young person they can. When you're older, you definitely have more confidence in yourself. But the issue isn't the comments making you "feel bad", the issue is the comments are used to dismiss what you have to say or even who you are as a person. It's used to make you or your points irrelevant. A form of trying to ostracize the person.
So having sex with many adults and liking younger women aren't the same and don't require the same empathy... at all... ew.

sharksville · 2022-05-12T12:58:04+00:00

Hate to do it, but I’d say yes. Why?? So that women out there can understand that there are more things in life other than doggy, cowgirl, missionary and 69, that men care about such as affection, physical, emotional and mental support, making someone feel wanted and appreciated etc. if women think that all men care about is sex, then yes. Slut shame that woman who thinks men only want sex and nothing else. slut shame that woman who puts sex before genuine needs and concerns of a man, who puts sex before feelings and emotions.

sarkington · 2022-05-12T01:03:51+00:00

Only if you want to get laid more

badgersonice · 2022-05-12T12:54:14+00:00

The only reason slut shaming works at all is because men care so much.

A significant amount if not most " slut shaming " comes from other women

It’s selfishly beneficial to a woman to spread rumors about her rival being a slut, because then men she wants to date will prefer dating her over the woman they’ve heard is a slut. If men really didn’t care at all about n-counts, then women wouldn’t use it as a way to improve their own dating standards.

Men do also spread slut rumors and slut shame to protect their bros, but their contribution is more through their actions. See how many men say something akin to “I love fucking sluts, but they’re not worthy of love or commitment” or “sluts are gross, I only date virgins”.

That is how slut-shaming functions among men: men diminish, degrade, or punish women for having sex, through their words and also through their actions.

2022-05-13T11:06:12+00:00

"Slut" is used to insult a woman's sex life, "incel" is used to insult misogynistic male behaviors. Not the same context.

figuringMylife · 2022-05-12T00:30:36+00:00

TheEternalGhost · 2022-05-12T06:24:05+00:00

A significant amount if not most " slut shaming " comes from other women

That has absolutely nothing to do with whether men should care about it.

No one can really make you feel ashamed of something that you're actually proud of / not confident in

It's not really making someone feel the emotion of shame. It's about reputational damage.

The same empathy is not given to us

Agreed, but if you don't respect them, why hold yourself to the standards of women?

So genuine issue or just another gendered double standard with a valid reason?

It's a matter of opinion. There's lots of behaviours that we think are bad and judge people for, and everyone has their own opinions on what is ok and what isn't. If people think that promiscuity is bad and worthy of judgement they're entitled to their opinion, and they're entitled to share their opinion with other people. Bottom line, if you want to live in a society then you either have to conform to the standards of that society or face judgement and scrutiny. That's how societies work and hold together. If everyone just does whatever they want with no judgement and no consequences then standards degrade into chaos.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-05-12T13:06:08+00:00

"slightly critical" is usually more completely devoid of empathy and often treating women like they are lesser. It's usually just flat out misogyny.

I don't care who anyone fucks and don't understand why anyone does. However if someone's reciting from the incel's handbook then yeah: they might get called an incel.

Hysterical__Paroxysm · 2022-05-12T02:20:41+00:00

Your third point doesn't happen (in a statistically relevant way) unless provoked by misogyny, such as slut shaming.

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jah-roole · 2022-05-12T00:48:13+00:00

Just wanted to stop by and mention that sluts are my absolute favorite

ppd_reject · 2022-05-12T00:48:45+00:00

Care how? Care as much as to support feminist movements against slut-shaming, or just enough to have tact? Men can care about anything they want, but personally, I'd choose a man who cares not to offend other for engaging in behavior that doesn't affect him. I'd say the same about women who call men virgins.

krischens · 2022-05-12T10:21:10+00:00

So genuine issue or just another gendered double standard with a valid reason?

get off twitter and it becomes a non-issue pretty fast

NateHate1402 · 2022-05-12T12:28:23+00:00

I don’t care, which is why I never bring it up.

To me it’s obvious being a slut is a bad thing so I don’t need to tell people I think what they’re doing is bad I’ll just avoid starting a relationship with them.

Irys-likethe-Eye · 2022-05-12T21:00:08+00:00

Fun fact: slut didn't originally mean "overly" promiscuous. It meant slovenly or unkempt in appearance. In addition it wasn't gendered as an exclusive insult towards women or girls. Chaucer, author of the Canterbury Tales had a character in his writing ask "why is thy lord so sluttish?" Meaning the person is questioning why the noble is attired in a state that does not suit his rank.

Weirdly enough it also was a type of lamp.

LarryLooxmax · 2022-05-13T02:50:50+00:00

the lie buried in all this is that women (or men, for that matter) can have a huge number of sexual partners and it has zero bearing on their personality, how they will conduct themselves in a relationship, whether they will stay attracted to you, etc.

the truth is that it does have an impact, that's why the majority of dudes have an aversion to settling down with a slut. if it didnt matter and was all just made up no one would really give a shit and it would be like christianity or god, something only a zealous fraction of the population cares about.

Herbal_Remedies1661 · 2022-05-13T10:27:44+00:00

A significant amount if not most " slut shaming " comes from other women

Ehh, maybe >50% but nothing crazy like >80-85%, I don't think

No one can really make you feel ashamed of something that you're actually proud of / not confident in

You're absolutely right about this, and I preach this all the time. It irritates me so much to see things like women who say "I'm honestly not ashamed of my body count at all.. I'm not going to tell you what it is, but I'm not ashamed!" Like, noooo, bull fucking shit, lady, that's not how this shit works

People who are ashamed of their behavior, but also seem to be unable to admit they're ashamed, or even claim the opposite.. they tend to be shitty people in my experience. This is why I would highly advise against being in a relationship with a woman who won't tell you her body count. The number doesn't even matter, it's just if she will tell you or not. I'd take a woman who told me her number was 1100 over a woman who told me "you're not entitled to know everything about me," "that was in the past, the past shouldn't affect our relationship," or any of that goofy shity they spew because they refuse to say the answer out loud to anyone, including themselves

The same empathy is not given to us, go to any thread on social media where you're even slightly critical of women and you get the typical l, "in cel" , "virgin" , "that's a lot of words for you've never made a woman of cum", etc., Not to mention the attempts to shame men for liking younger women, etc.,

Well what can you do? Fuck 'em. Prolly a bunch of whores anyway

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-05-13T19:22:02+00:00

It's stupid for men to buy into it because they both want more casual sex and only want it from virgins. The two things are incompatible. The women who do indeed have casual sex you guys call sluts and whores. These are meant as insults, they are meant to hurt, the same way "incel" is meant to insult and hurt. So men as usual end up shooting them selves in the dick because the women they call sluts will absolutely not want to have sex with them and then these guys will post here about the sexless ness pandemic.

o_susannah · 2022-05-22T19:06:32+00:00

Women who slut shame do it because they have internalized the preferences of the patriarchy.

Title	Should men really care that much about "slut shaming"?
Author	PlayfulLawyer
Upvotes	44
Comments	169
Date	May 11, 2022 11:27 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/unn00e/should_men_really_care_that_much_about_slut/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/should-men-really-care-that-much-about-slut.1209907 https://theredarchive.com/post/1209907

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