Are women socially embarrassed if they don't have a hot guy?

toasterchild · 2023-08-28T21:45:12+00:00

Some women are superficial and some aren't, so it really depends on which pool you are swimming in.

You really have never met men who wouldn't openly date someone who wasn't attractive? You are very lucky to only know pretty upstanding men then. There are lots of superficial men out there who will bang the ugly girl regularly but wont introduce her to his friends or family.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2023-08-28T22:07:29+00:00

I can't even imagine how that would feel. If I'm dating him, then I already consider him hot so...why would I care about someone else's opinion on his attractiveness?

The only time I felt embarrassed about a guy I was dating was related to a class issue.

ashpr0ulx · 2023-08-28T21:27:50+00:00

i think it’s more simply that women don’t wanna date men they themselves don’t find hot

like, would i be socially embarrassed to bring home a not-hot guy? i don’t know because i wouldn’t date a man i didn’t find to be hot.

RadiantEarthGoddess · 2023-08-28T21:30:13+00:00

I don't care about if other people (be it strangers or friends) think if my partner is attractive or not. He's my partner not theirs.

SianOiseau · 2023-08-28T22:21:07+00:00

There is a false premise in the beginning - most average people, men and women, date average partners. We can see statistically that people date close to their socioeconomic level and there are more "looksmatched" couples out there than couples with very different attractiveness levels.

Answering your question, I think both men and women are affected by the way their friends and close ones see their partner. Some guys who are into overweight women won't date them long-term, because they'll get mocked by their friends and some women won't date men they like because they know their friend group won't approve them. Not everyone is like this though and there are enough people who have supportive and not judgmental friends.

On a personal note I didn't really experience much peer pressure in my dating life beyond middle school, where my friends were mocking me because they didn't like how my crush looked like. But then they moved to mocking me for "being a lesbian", so I suspect it was more about them not liking me rather than not liking the guy. I still crushed on them btw and even confessed to him (unsuccessfully). I still think he was cute. I think I would care if my close friends or my mother really didn't like the guy, but that's because I know they want the best for me and I'd wonder why they were so against him. Thankfully it's never really happened.

CompetitiveTennis112 · 2023-08-28T21:34:01+00:00

I thought it was the opposite where men are embarrassed to not have a hot gf and make fun of her appearance with his friends when she's not around. imo most women don't care about how ugly a guy is but if he's particularly hot then it may be pointed out (given that most women don't find most men visually attractive). otherwise things are alright as long as he's normal looking

TelevisionGloomy5458 · 2023-08-28T21:28:54+00:00

I’m not. No one I know has a hot guy. I’m socially embarrassed if my man doesn’t have basic manners in public. Chivalry. Not opening my door and stuff like that. Especially bad if I’m with my boss and her husband has impeccable manners and does all that. Lacking basic manners in public. Ugh. Blowing nose at table etc. not pulling out my chair at a formal dinner, etc.

Glittersht · 2023-08-28T23:30:13+00:00

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Icy_Ordinary2025 · 2023-08-28T21:23:23+00:00

All my friends are with average men. I spent the weekend amongst other average looking couples.

Average looking people aren't having any troubles.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-08-28T21:44:10+00:00

It's not like with men where they're competing about how their partners look, they generally don't care. I don't think a woman has ever thought to say anything, positive or negative, to me on the matter. The closest it's ever gotten is laughing about how different our tastes are in general, which is more common for women than bullying or embarrassing each other about it for some contrived reason.

thisreallyisnotok · 2023-08-28T23:17:31+00:00

Some women are hyper critical of their female friend’s choice in men. This can either play out in two ways: the girl becomes obstinate toward her friends and digs in her heels (and can often happen with partners that aren’t good for them so they literally see their partner out of spite) or she becomes insecure and slowly starts to gravitate towards the men that the hive mind of her friend group would want her to date. However, her friends’ jealousy will prevent the friend group from having two or more women in the group from liking the same guy and if that happens, then the friendship will often end.

Gross creatures lol and no not all women are like this

cullinging · 2023-08-29T00:54:52+00:00

Of course they are. They will tell you "ahh nah, I just care about his personality" while that MAY be true when they get older and panic starts to set in, it is soooo far from true when they are "young"

They use you as a tool to show off to their other harpy girlfriends.

Girls will deny this of course, they never can admit the evil of their ways.. O well, we press on

Donutduchess · 2023-08-29T02:11:05+00:00

Nope. Women generally care more about wealth status and how he treats her.

Men are the ones who created a rating scale for women. Men are the ones who mock and ridicule each other crushes looks. Look at most male dating advice and how they rate success by how much hotter their gf/wife is than him. Guys aren't upvoting and happy when a fat guy got a fat woman...Nah they want a fat guy with a hot younger fit girl. Men are in a constant pissing contest and the way they assert their masculinity is by who has the hottest conventional gf.

most average men are fine dating average women, is

Most average men are fine fucking average women. OkCupid Your Looks Your Inbox that same study so many men love to cite as showing women found 80% of men ugly....also showed women pursued and responded to most men....while 2/3 of men pursued the top 1/3 most attractive women.

the guy told a guy friend that his girlfriend was everywhere overweight, the guy will probably just say "f$#k you, I'll date who I want".

Moped. Men literally coined a phrase about how fucking a fat girl is like riding a moped and it may feel good but he doesn't want anyone to know hr fucks fat girls.

Rogue5454 · 2023-08-29T03:13:24+00:00

Lol nah it’s the other way around. Men live to impress other men. Women don’t care about that crap at all.

ornamentalwallpaper · 2023-08-29T04:58:34+00:00

I'd probably get annoyed if random friends just started to volunteer their opinions, especially if they are single or a serial dater

shadyuthezambia · 2023-08-29T17:13:09+00:00

The is a reason why beauty and the Beast is one of the greatest stories ever told

Shoddy-Donut-9339 · 2023-08-28T23:49:04+00:00

It is a myth of the unwanted men that average looking women will not not find love and partner with average men.

I understand average looking men with unattractive personalities wanting to cling to this myth in order to not realize that they have below average personalities. Being an average looking guy is bad enough without piling on that women do not like your personality.

But no no no no no, average looking women are not holding out for hot men. This idea is just false. Go look at the couples in the supermarket being so cute lovingly .shopping together; sometimes the woman is hotter and sometimes the man is hotter and sometimes they have equal looks.

This idea that average looking women would rather be single than be partnered with average looking men is just so stupid and obviously false.

It is not about looks. It’s your personality stupid. Deal with it.

Deal with it. Deal with it. You are not helping yourselves by making up false reasons why women don’t want you.

Just have the courage to be yourself. Women like that.

My dry spells with women happened when I did not think women would like me. Thinking women would not like me made women think they should not like me. It just took 1 or 2 women to like me anyway to change my attitude about being wantable by women and then other women started wanting me. When I felt like women would not like me I stopped being playful with women. I am only 5’ 5” so for me to be with women it was essential that I play with them. I could play well with women when I was not crippled with shame and insecurity. When women had fun with me some of them started inviting me to bed with them.

But if you have no love in your hearts and your personality sucks then my advice can’t help you and you might as well go on blaming women.

My personality only sucked when I felt like women would not like me.

harmonica2 · 2023-08-29T01:01:12+00:00

Thank you for the input everyone!

So basically, it seems a lot of the women who responded aren't going for stereotypical hot guys only. But if this is honestly the case with most women, then how come guys on here keep saying women will only go for hot guys?

tonyghow · 2023-08-28T21:51:19+00:00

Actually, my boyfriend cannot be considered, objectively, a hot guy (he’s extremely hot for me though!). When we are out, I feel that people who sees us think ‘she’s out of his league, what does he have to get her charmed like that?’. We clearly can’t keep our hands off each other and he’s absolutely adorable.

waffleznstuff30 · 2023-08-28T22:39:11+00:00

Honestly from my experience I was. Because I didn't find him attractive at all.

And I felt terrible about it. Guy was really nice awesome person. (I left because truthfully he deserves someone who would be proud of him ). I went through a pretty traumatic relationship and my self esteem and everything was just in the gutter after emotional abuse and just generally bad behavior. Him basically parroting red pill shit and projecting his issues with women on to me. All bad.

And this dude made an effort for me. And I thought shit I should date someone who makes an effort for me. But I wasn't attracted to him at all severe underbite hooked nose. And like I tried to be like he is nice but I wasn't physically attracted to him at all. I was grateful for the kindness he gave but I didn't feel anything I kind of went through the motions thinking one day it will click. But the click didn't click. I didn't make the efforts and he deserves so much better than someone tolerating his presence. And if the roles were reversed I'd be kinda upset. So I let him down gently and hope for the best.

George69143 · 2023-08-29T04:21:40+00:00

Yes, that’s why the 80/20 rule exists. It’s even more prevalent with the younger generation because of social media

1Here4Bach · 2023-08-29T01:00:04+00:00

Women don’t care. In fact they’ll cut off their friend if they say something suggesting that their boyfriend/husband is ugly. The same thing can’t be said about males..

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-08-28T22:52:28+00:00

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MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-08-28T22:09:49+00:00

I've brought some real winners to meet my friends and felt no shame. I still get ripped on for some of them, and I hate to admit it, but the ridicule is well-deserved.

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-08-28T22:16:08+00:00

My best friend (RIP) told me my bf was ugly when I mentioned he propositioned me for sex . However her ex bf was so ugly it was unbelievable. I figure her taste is just wrong.

wtknight · 2023-08-28T22:16:51+00:00

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chalkandapples · 2023-08-28T22:43:03+00:00

I think early on when nothing is that serious and dating guys are cool and exciting, it feels cool to show off a really hot guy and get kudos. But after a while that gets stale, eventually everyone move on from just trying to get a thrill from dating, to looking for real companionship / partnership, to building a warm family. Even if you never move on for some reason, if your friends are at a different stage in their lives, they stop being impressed by how hot the guy is, because what they value is now different.

AngeCruelle · 2023-08-28T23:09:32+00:00

Lol who cares what they think. I'm the one who would be screwing him on a regular basis and having his children. If every woman on earth would kill to get their back blown out by this guy but I'm personally not attracted, what good does that do for me? Do I ask one of those women to tap in instead?

DreJ-X · 2023-08-28T23:10:51+00:00

Sorry but this fit more with men, gotta be honest here

diaryofalostgirl · 2023-08-28T23:25:18+00:00

As long as I think he looks great, who cares what other women think?

Scared-Chicken-9919 · 2023-08-28T23:30:41+00:00

I have dated men and women, and ultimately, married my childhood best friend. When we were teenagers, albeit at different times, we had just accepted that we loved each other, but it never felt like the right time. We lived our lives, he went to college in another state, I did my thing until I moved back to my home state at about 30. We lived together a few months as roommates, then had a long conversation about long term goals, and during so, talked about us and what could have been- at that point decided that we would give us a try. We’re far from the attractive 18 yr olds we once were, but we know each others heart and character- and didn’t ever have to play those dating games. We are able to lean on each other, and my daughter has an amazing father figure.

Upon looking at us, you wouldn’t think we would be in a romantic relationship. We’ve been married a little over 4 years. Best decision we ever made.

begayallday · 2023-08-29T00:00:26+00:00

Up until I was about 18 I cared somewhat. In that he had to be taller than me. I couldn’t pull hot guys anyway. Once I was 18-19 or so I didn’t care about height anymore.

MistyMaisel · 2023-08-29T00:19:46+00:00

I don't think most women are dating men they find to be unattractive.
The only way she's going to feel down is if she also thinks he's unattractive and hasn't made peace with that in some way.

Me personally, I do care what they think to some degree, but not enough that if I think he's hot imma take them seriously. I've seen the guys my friends date and they're nothing I'd hold hands with. I think I mostly care what my mother thinks honestly.

Safinated · 2023-08-29T00:47:22+00:00

Do you think they reflect most women ?

NarwhalsInTheLibrary · 2023-08-29T00:56:13+00:00

I don't care if my friends don't think my guy is attractive. I often don't think their BFs are attractive either, because we have different tastes. If my friend's BF is cool, IDGAF what he looks like since I'm not dating him.

None of my friends are going to voice any sort of objection to my dude not being hot enough. That literally would never happen. We support each other, and if somebody meets a guy who makes her happy, then yay! My friends would tell me if I was dating a liar or an asshole though, and I would care about that. But "eww he's too short" or "I don't think he's hot" or "he doesn't make enough money" would never happen. I'm not friends with shallow greedy people though.

LiftSushiDallas · 2023-08-29T02:03:24+00:00

No. I'd be embarrassed if I were with a man less successful than me.

Men are success objects, not sex objects. I should be the hotter in the relationship and he should be the more successful.

thetruthishere_ · 2023-08-29T02:21:13+00:00

No woman I know is but I know some women may be this way.

Shoddy-Donut-9339 · 2023-08-29T02:36:07+00:00

One thing guys are confused by is women developing an real physical attraction to a guy that they were not initially attracted to.

Women do not know that a guy developing a physical to a woman that they were not initially attracted to is not a thing that men commonly experience.

Men and women are not the same.

When a woman complains that she is not developing a physical attraction to the guy that she is dating that she likes the men are thinking “didn’t you know that you were not attracted to that guy?”. But the woman was expecting to become attracted to the guy because that sort of delayed reaction physical attraction has happened to her before.

Spiritual-Cicada9650 · 2023-08-29T02:38:18+00:00

My partner isn't an accessory. I don't really care if my friends think he's hot. That's not something they'd comment on

Sunshine12e · 2023-08-29T05:11:49+00:00

No, but majority would be embarrassed by having a "loser" guy.

prsadr · 2023-08-29T05:23:46+00:00

The world population would be only 1% of what we have now if women had went only for hot guys.

theprettyocean · 2023-08-29T06:26:52+00:00

I'm a woman and I just want to find my partner attractive, to feel like we're good friends, to feel like I trust him, respect him, love him.

I want the same in return.

I'm not socially embarrassed if someone doesn't find my partner hot, but more so confused, like "huh? I totally think he's hot". I've definitely dated a couple of guys that others thought weren't hot enough for me, and I thought that was weird.

The other thing is, I've had other men hit on me with one or two of these guys with me... like, we were on a date, and another man came in right between us to hit on me. That's weird too. That never happened with my ex who was very attractive. Men would generally respect him and back off, even if they looked/he felt they were looking and stuff (he said he would often get men commenting to him about how he "did well" and would thumbs up lol stuff like that, but they generally respected him).

For me personally, it's easier (socially and personally) to date someone who's around as attractive as me or similar... not only to avoid disrespect but also because there's less insecurity involved.

TristanAurelius · 2023-08-29T13:58:32+00:00

I have known women personally who were embarrassed and insecure if they weren’t the more attractive partner in the relationship.

Additional_Speech164 · 2023-08-29T14:54:21+00:00

No what my friends think is irrelevant . He’s gotta be hot to me not them.

bruhminer · 2023-08-29T15:12:55+00:00

I have witnessed many times family and friends dunk on a woman because her boyfriend was too ugly or short, the peer pressure is brutal.

On the other hand I never witnessed the opposite, as a guy me and my friends literally never talk about anything related to each other's girlfriends.

Sophiatab · 2023-08-29T16:46:46+00:00

For the most part no, or we would never have any social life. There just aren't that enough attractive guys for every women. We get used to dating guys of varying degrees of ugly.

womandatory · 2023-09-01T02:33:24+00:00

No. Most women want to bring home a guy who treats them well, because that’s what her parents are going to judge him on.

Title	Are women socially embarrassed if they don't have a hot guy?
Author	harmonica2
Upvotes	41
Comments	167
Date	August 28, 2023 9:20 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/163yg0n/are_women_socially_embarrassed_if_they_dont_have/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-women-socially-embarrassed-if-they-dont-have-a.1230660 https://theredarchive.com/post/1230660

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