Is intelligent conversation generally a turnoff?

Neo-Rio · 2022-09-19T07:01:24+00:00

Intelligent conversation is fine if you're in a relationship. In fact great conversation is pretty much a prerequisite for being in an LTR

But if you haven't had sex yet, and you're on that date somewhere - you don't want to wow her with your intellect. You need to use it in order to plumb her deepest sexual desires and fantasies while coming across as a man that she can like as trust to share them with.

eszibit · 2022-09-19T09:50:49+00:00

Nope, you're probably boring when you talk about topic, girls love it when someone speaks with passion and knowledge about a topic as long as he's articulate and charismatic, sadly most people that think they are intelligent have the charisma of an air filter.

"This isn’t me expatiating on the factors compounding " translates to " this isn't me talking about " trying to sound fancy by relying on big words when it's not necessary is a turn off. The cases you need fancy words it's when it's specific to a topic and you're talking to someone that needs that level of specificity. Best books that i've read and ideas that i've heard are discussing complex topics in simple language with a ton of metaphors, if you want to talk about something interesting make it relatable and simple to understand.

Also i like the 70-30 rule, 70% of good deep/trying to understand the other person discussion, and 30% banter and fun and keeping it light, switching back and forth.

TheEndOfTheLine_2 · 2022-09-19T03:36:30+00:00

Yeah this really depends on the woman. Some women are turned on by intelligence for sure, and like the associated conversations that follows. Others don't, and might be bored/intimidated by it.

But also, with any woman, I think it's a time and place for everything.

futuremo · 2022-09-19T05:22:06+00:00

The way i see it is that women are generally more emotional creatures, i l have met many women who could hold/wanted to have intelligent conversations, but for the most part it’s more about making them laugh/feel positive emotions and i don’t think that’s very easy to do when talking about deeper stuff

NoTime6352 · 2022-09-19T11:36:24+00:00

Intelligent and witty can be very well combined. Hell, quick witted banter is intelligent humor for me. If it starts to feel like a lecture, I'm out. And most 'intelligent' men whom tried to have those conversations with me, sounded more like they tried to explain the world to me instead of willing to ping-pong views and have a laugh inbetween.

Classic_Cable_9212 · 2022-09-19T07:10:19+00:00

[deleted]

Marcus_Kovac · 2022-09-19T23:17:25+00:00

1

Is intelligent conversation generally a turn off?

If you're following the fundamentals of seduction, then you'll have good conversation.

Good conversation involves:

Actively listening when someone else is talking.
Following up well on what has been heard while actively listening. Meaning that what you say after they finish saying something, involves what they just said and digs into it a little more.

That's it. The topics don't matter. They could be intelligent or simple depending on what is happening in conversation.

2

Some common mistakes involved with intelligent conversation:

Often people who think of themselves as wanting intelligent conversation, are not actively listening, so much as talking at people about what they know on a topic.
And they're not following up on what the other person has said, they're often disregarding what people have said in order to stay on the intelligent topic they want to talk about. Even when the other person is showing they're not interested in that topic.
People who are talking about their intelligent topic may also have a dismissive or negative attitude in conversation with people they perceive as wrong about their topic.

3

Women are always quick to remind you how attractive witty banter is but in my experience if that errs too close to intellectual....

Witty banter is not the same thing as dropping something into conversation with the other party isn't familiar with.

What's considered witty banter often involves responses you can only come up with if you are actively listening and paying attention to the overall situation.

4

I mean almost any discussion that goes deeper tends to be somewhat of a turn for all but a tiny percentage of women.

If someone is following up well on what someone has said, it will involve follow up questions that get into their emotions or motivations on whatever the topic has been.

That's going deeper and it's great.

Digging into some topic that the other person isn't interested in, is not getting deeper.

It constitutes one party talking about a topic the other person isn't interested in

5

If pressed between intellectual and simpleton I feel like the latter does better , especially if they can channel raw sexual desire (usually without really even intending to because they lack a filter)

Physical escalation is one of the fundamentals of seduction, but talking sexually he is not required for that and may actually make things harder if the other person doesn't know what they're doing.

There's no need to meet some undefinable standard of channeling desire in conversation.

If you just hold a good conversation, are comfortable with physical escalation, And you know how to calibrate while escalating, you'll be doing great.

secretiveturnip · 2022-09-19T10:00:55+00:00

Honestly, from experience I have found that women like conversation that makes them feel intelligent (probably the same for guys).

Talk to them they know nothing about and it’s both boring and intimidating.

It largely depends on what you mean by ‘intelligent conversation’. People tend to know a lot about their own interests. For example, a woman may know a lot about shopping - is that an intelligent subject, I’ll let you describe.

Basically - talk to them about stuff that they can join in with - either because they know a lot about it, or have a general opinion on it.

xXxquickscopes420xXx · 2022-09-19T15:18:47+00:00

OP no! Intelligence is a huge turn on and don't trust what the other high upvoted comments here tell you, you guys are super wrong. The problem as someone else wrote here is that OP is probably boring them or trying to hard. Let me explain by giving you an example. I have a very intelligent friend who loves to show off his intellect by talking about topics he knows a lot about. He is a sucker for history and won't shut up about it. He is the type who would correct you with "ackthualhy...." and talk non stop for long time till everyone is probably bored. Girls can tell when you try hard. Girls can tell who is actually smart and love that. And finally, everyone, no matter the gender, like interesting people. I am afraid you're boring them OP

Edit: Speaking in fancy words sometimes sounds forced and cause others to cringe.

EducationalMeeting95 · 2022-09-19T05:14:06+00:00

They want signs of intelligence.

Not intelligent discussions/conversations.

For example :

Wrong :

You know Google ads uses algorithms that are made by PhD mathematicians. These generally involve complicated calculus and huge density convilitional neural networks that process data to serve you the ad tailored to your needs !

Right :

Yeah, when I was studying AI I learnt Google uses advanced mathematic , and complicated algorithms made by PhDs to show you those ads of black high heels you bought. And they're doing a good job cuz you kinda looked pretty in them.

In the right way I'd flirt, compliment her And Raise my Value(intelligence) in one sentence.

They want proof that you're intelligent. Not intelligent conversation.

sussykeke · 2022-09-19T05:43:59+00:00

Boring conversation is a turn off. Figure out what would be fun to talk about with that particular woman

Confidenceisbetter · 2022-09-19T11:29:25+00:00

I think that goes both ways. I’m currently doing my Master and plan to do a phd later on. When i tell this to the men on dating apps or even on dates some are impressed and really hype me up and then there are some who ghost me as soon as i tell them what i do / plan to do. It sucks but it’s a pretty good way to figure out early who is worth your time since it’s one of the first topics that come up when you meet someone. Not everyone is looking for a well-educated / ambitious / intelligent / etc. partner and that’s okay, has nothing specifically to do with women.

drgreen987 · 2022-09-19T14:22:25+00:00

Looool mate, you’re just greedy. You talk about topics you enjoy and you specialized in. Ask about their interests and see what you have in common and expand on that instead

creativedave73 · 2022-09-19T04:37:24+00:00

In the very early stages of dating, you're creating attraction and just having fun. Save the deep convos for later.

If you're at a party and you meet a woman and you start having a serious convo about philosophy, you're generally going to lose her to the guy who's making her laugh, teasing her and showing her a good time. That's because the latter guy is creating attraction, while you're creating a connection. Attraction first, connection later.

CanUnusual8729 · 2022-09-19T11:58:55+00:00

Its a semantics thing. The type of intelligence she’s referring to is social intelligence. Girls absolutely do love witty banter, more than almost anything. It’s a huge turn on for them because it stimulates the same part of their mind that micro analyzes guys behavior for signs of low social intelligence (creepy). This matters because women rely heavily on social structures for safety and stability. So I guy who is a little off beat and failing to pick up on those subtle social cues is likely more of a liability for her. If he’s generally not a physical danger but just generally fails to pick up on cues, he gets put in the “wouldn’t risk procreating with him, but he’s a cooperative part of the social circle (friendzone.) If he’s low social IQ and aggressive or unpredictable he most likely gets labelled a creep. When we talk about intelligence, we are usually referring to a more rigid analytical intelligence. We like to talk about how things work, what is and what is not, vs a more nuanced transferring of energy, “vibes” if you will. When its just dudes talking, we often communicate outside of the social framework that women need to feel safe. But since most of the men notice less or care less, it doesn’t get corrected so we continue to progress further into natural communication style so clearly outside the framework of social parameters that is borderline offensive to women.

pencillacious · 2022-09-19T12:36:02+00:00

There is a fine line between intelligent conversation and talking down to someone. Maybe one of them is well versed with history and the other is a genius in music. One can learn from the other.

Seduction, attraction, love, friendship is sometimes much more than exchange of wisdom.

Contango6969 · 2022-09-19T03:27:27+00:00

For sure. They seem uncomfortable with talking about principles and totally not curious about getting to the heart of matters. It seems like they especially are not interested in thinking through hypotheticals either. I think the male mind seeks to organize things and they don’t really have as much of a drive for this.

They want witty banter and conversation that is not dry. The subject of this conversation should be shallow and fun though.

If you want deep conversation get male friends for that. Don’t ever expect to connect with a woman on a deep level. You’ll be very disappointed

Butter-85 · 2022-09-19T03:28:19+00:00

I think it depends. If they don’t know anything about the topic, they can’t really contribute to a meaningful conversation. And they are going to feel foolish admitting they don’t know anything about it. Regardless, it’s probably a good indication they aren’t a good match for you.

Erbium-Oxide · 2022-09-19T07:53:43+00:00

I suspect the difference is one of intelligence and knowledge. While I’ve no issue holding an “intelligent” conversation with either gender, a topic that one side knows nothing about does not make for a great topic.

In essence, new bits of information should be kept on a surface, ‘hey, that’s cool!’ level. For deeper stuff, you’re better off probing for something that interests them, or something they have an opinion on. Otherwise, you’ll quickly be conversing with yourself.

lunchladyshand · 2022-09-19T13:42:20+00:00

There are endless intellectual topics, some she may be into and others she may not. She could be brilliant when it comes to philosophy and literature, but lost in the realm of physics and the universe.

Just because she’s not interested in one or two topics you bring up doesn’t mean you have to revert to conversations about pop culture - Although where you meet these women, and their age will make all the difference. Did you go and cold approach a 19 year old at a shopping mall and now you’re upset she can’t discuss 19th century art? GTFO - that’s on you.

Personally, I wouldn’t date someone who wasn’t college educated and intellectually stimulating. I want a partner who will go to museums and galleries with me. Who will plan a vacation around the history of a country so we can explore old cathedrals and ancient ruins. Who is creative and open-minded enough to explore the “What-ifs?”

But if all you want to do is find someone who can channel raw sexual desire then by all means, keep dating simpletons - but quit coming here to complain about it.

FaithInStrangers94 · 2022-09-19T13:48:26+00:00

Are you manspatiating?

jaysman77 · 2022-09-19T15:28:49+00:00

Witty banter isn’t necessarily the same as intellectual or stimulating topic based conversation. Banter is comedic and flirtatious back and forth. Think of verbal clever ping pong. Topic based monologues are usually snore city when you just want some cute laughs in non creep format. Just my humble opinion on the matter.

suitcasecity · 2022-09-19T16:48:09+00:00

Cus you sound like a neck beard

Zealousideal6669 · 2022-09-19T09:13:05+00:00

You're completely right. Friendly and intellectual conversations most of the time are designed to put you in the friend zone for your whole life. most guys simply don't know it but getting girls is all about emotions and not that much about logic. Ofc she has to have a few common things to convince herself logically that she likes you or you meant to be in some way but if you never flirt, make a conversation man to woman its impossible to get out of anything from the situation whether its sex or a relationship

Wildmtnchild · 2022-09-19T15:55:36+00:00

Ahhhshahahahahahahaha! This post is going in r/iamverysmart The absolute lack of introspection here is amazing. If you are finding women aren’t measuring up, I am willing to bet cold, hard cash that it’s because they find you an insufferable bore and can’t wait to get away from you. You sound pretentious, judgemental and misogynistic here…..I’m sure that shines through in person as well.

Canadian-Seductioner · 2022-09-19T06:52:18+00:00

On a first date, definitely a turn off

seerslayer · 2022-09-19T12:09:57+00:00

Most women who have any sort of personality, in my experience, get turned off by intelligence initially probably because they see it as mansplaining. Once they are more open and less hesitant, they welcome smart jokes.

incognito3107 · 2022-09-19T06:10:14+00:00

Intelligent conversation rarely induces emotions. Girls love emotions, they perceive world by feelings.

uniqueruntimeerror · 2022-09-19T14:18:48+00:00

I guess I’m the odd one out, that craves intellectual connection and banter above it all. Yes please talk to me about Plato’s Caves, the endless universe, the longevity escape curve and your latest projects. Show me your beautiful mind, because the world tends to be sometimes too ugly on the outside.

As a woman who is pursuing higher education, and has a multi faceted personality and has a variety of interests, I admire someone who can balance beauty and brains and embrace them. It’s not about being a tough headed philosopher, it’s about demonstrating how fascinating you are as a person and stimulating mentally your date.

But some lads out there prefer to play cheap mind games, and go to the extent of feigning interests they they don’t even have just to impress a girl. I can easily sense that based on how they engage in the discussion.

Bottom line, yes, there are some of us that like it.

MrBlack__ · 2022-09-19T09:28:27+00:00

V-Future · 2022-09-19T05:07:14+00:00

I don't talk about smart stuff with women. They would perceive me as a nerd. Keep it simple.

You can do whatever you want to a woman, except bore her. Don't bore her trying to look for things in common or talking about deep topics.

gillmanblacklagooner · 2022-09-19T10:32:04+00:00

Maybe take a double check about to know how and when to bring your highlights in conversations. Also not everyone is into literacy or history. Some people are wondering and reading other topics.

Individual_Minute168 · 2022-09-19T13:14:14+00:00

No. I mean if you come off as very in your head, getting all logical and shit too often, she may start to blur out. Unless she’s similar. At first your best best to show off your intelligence is just with your humor. When she’s poking around for more depth she’ll usually just ask you questions that give you a chance to express it. Being enthusiastic and playful is going to make you way more compelling to people generally, but women especially.

WeASeL_Antigua · 2022-09-19T13:22:00+00:00

As with everything else; time and place.

Waxflower8 · 2022-09-19T13:27:12+00:00

Can’t relate.

I wouldn’t say I’m intelligent and know a lot but I like talking to my guy friends just to have conversations like this. Yeah some topics are a bit boring but I’ll listen. I’m also not saying women are incapable of having conversations like this, idk men just think and respond differently to certain things and I guess I enjoy a more (for lack of a better term) “diverse” discussion.

Perhaps you’re bring up topics they’re not well informed by and not sure what to give as feedback? I can go on and on and talk about the universe and society and just human nature but will shut up on the topics of politics (which yes is apart of society but still a much more deeper topic I am not fully aware of or educated in) and hand you the mic and ask questions if I have any.

rochre · 2022-09-19T13:42:21+00:00

Women like inteligent men and if you really are smart it will be obvious no matter the topic.

Jacob_Soda · 2022-09-19T13:56:07+00:00

I went to a conference and this one girl was interested in speaking with me as her body language was apparent which I don't see very often. The conversation was about language learning theories as she did a presentation on it. Sadly she had a boyfriend, so I lost interest afterwards. It was pretty cool to see though to see this non verbal cue.

I do try to start out with something intelligent eventually. Sometimes immediately. I remembered someone on r/Morocco complained that his wife was dumb because she didn't know the year World War 2 ended. Morocco did have soldiers fight for France you know.

If you're talking with someone Muslim or Christian, it would actually work in your favor to discuss deep religious topics to help with compatibility. With them I ask along the lines of "Are you open minded or progressive?" If no, I won't be interested in discussing further. With Muslims and Christians, talking about deep topics can get you far as long as they're educated and well read about their religions.

FaithInStrangers94 · 2022-09-19T14:28:41+00:00

No, it just can’t be the only gear you have. You have to have emotional conversations too.

DrinksAreOnTheHouse · 2022-09-19T14:55:54+00:00

No, but remember convo in seduction should elicit an emotional response. Whole intelligence is attractive, convo should be stimulating.

Amalasian · 2022-09-19T14:57:55+00:00

let me ask you this. even if this is true. do you wish to lower your conversations to the level of general dumb topics and sports or do you want someone who can have a deep meaningfull conversation with you? the question is about you not them. trying to aim at the largest group means you have to be the most basic of people. or you can thin out the group and have a more meaningfull conection. dont lower your value cause the people your looking at have low value

Lohvrti · 2022-09-19T15:15:48+00:00

Intelligence and knowledge are not the same thing.

By extension, intelligent conversation & conversations where you quote facts that you know aren't the same either.

Intelligence is being able to read a room, make comments on whatevers going on in the conversation, to be relaxed and engaged and allowing it to flow no matter the topic.

ericviking007007 · 2022-09-19T15:26:54+00:00

Can be a turn on for those of us who dare to be dull

2022-09-19T16:28:49+00:00

Yes smart is the opposite of sexy sadly

Adhesivelemontree · 2022-09-19T16:47:48+00:00

You should focus not on what you’re saying so much (be yourself) but how you say it.

You may be saying these things in a way like your trying to be smart or can be taken as a “I’m so much smarter than you way” maybe if you have a fun fact share it as if it’s something really interesting and not in a “I know so much that you don’t” type of way

GlitteringPause8 · 2022-09-19T16:50:07+00:00

Witty banter = playful flirting. It should never come close to intellectual literary or historical etc conversation (unless y’all are making actual jokes about said subject but that’d be an exception)

That being said, intelligent conversations are NEVER a turn off. There’s a time and place for everything, women LOVE deeper serious convos but if we’re playfully flirting, read the room and flirt back or keep it light. The deeper convo can come at a different time, but MOST women loooove deeper convos, you’re probably just bringing them up at weird times.

bogues04 · 2022-09-19T17:17:22+00:00

Yea it will only work on a small percentage unless you just happen to hit on a topic you are both passionate about. I wouldn’t get to deep especially early on.

professionalmustard · 2022-09-19T17:20:18+00:00

Depends on the woman but I, and many others I know, would definitely be into that. Maybe you had some bad luck or have a specific type.

Purple-Tumbleweed · 2022-09-19T17:34:13+00:00

Intelligent conversation isn't a 2 hour lecture. That's a fine line for some people. Touching on different subjects until we find one we're both interested in, is my goal.

StayTrueNamaste · 2022-09-19T17:55:57+00:00

It really depends on the person. Some women might find this type of intelligent conversation a turn on. Some might just not understand the references

ThatGuy_Nick9 · 2022-09-19T18:49:12+00:00

Yeah no.. intelligence and intellect are different in this context. Most women won’t be turned on when you talk about history or tanks. Buuut many more might be turned on listening to you talk about something more relevant or witty. So it’s not that “simpletons” get more attention, they just say less to turn potential sexual partners off. Being witty is about having the intelligence to think on your feet and say something or contribute to a conversation in a surprising or entertaining way. Intelligence, in dating, is not about knowing interesting factoids about academic subjects.

throwawaynibs · 2022-09-19T19:17:55+00:00

As with anything that completely depends on the woman. We’re not a hive mind. I had an awesome conversation on Tinder once about philosophy. Was damn refreshing but sadly hasn’t happened since.

Hister333 · 2022-09-19T21:03:03+00:00

To my experience, most women want a man who is inferior intellectually. Making them believe that they're smart is of the utmost importance, at least until you get what you want from them.

123throwwawayy · 2022-09-19T21:06:54+00:00

heard a dude who was good at game talk about how he trained himself to act retarted so take that as you will

robert323 · 2022-09-19T21:18:09+00:00

It takes someone intelligent with actual interests to participate in a two way intelligent conversation. One way conversations are a turn off. Most people are not that intelligent or don't have experiences that are outside of the norm. I find, in my experience, that most women that state they are into "intelligent conversations" are themselves the primary reason why they aren't having intelligent conversations.

This goes the same way for men too. I would expect that most people that think they are having an intelligent conversation are just being a boring intellectual if that means anything.

power-patron · 2022-09-19T21:30:43+00:00

They might think you're being condescending or trying to show off.

neversleeps212 · 2022-09-19T22:12:41+00:00

Attraction is about emotion. So IMO deep conversations can work well but only if they’re structured to things that can play to emotion and passion. So a discussion of the pros and cons of reparations for slavery is probably going to lead to her eyes glazing over while talking about your experience as a community organizer and your consequent passion for racial justice will play far better because it lets her get to know you instead of having to critically analyze some esoteric hypothetical.

In general, if you want to have a “deep” conversation with someone try to focus it on things that you’re deeply passionate about and that relate to your actual life and explain that connection. Most people want to get to know you not get a university style lecture on an esoteric topic they don’t care about.

Also, a lot of topics in the areas of philosophy or current events are politically or religiously loaded which can make people feel uncomfortable discussing them with someone they don’t know well.

jackzander · 2022-09-19T22:36:13+00:00

Yes and no.

Yes, it's a turn-off. No, not just to women.

Arurry · 2022-09-19T23:16:26+00:00

Yep.

bonix · 2022-09-19T23:32:50+00:00

Do you just want to fuck or are you actively looking for a relationship. If you just want to fuck I'd take it easy with the lectures and just make your knowledge make you more interesting. Only get deeper into it if she is into it. If you're looking for a relationship you will want someone who appreciates your intelligence and maybe even is up there with you so you should for sure dive into it.

montanalombardy · 2022-09-20T14:04:26+00:00

Think logical vs emotional, not intelligent vs unintelligent.

Intelligent conversation is good. Even great, if she is into intelligence.

But logical conversation? No. It turns things into a friendly vibe.

Save your figures, numbers, pedantic discussion over details and definitions for your friend group. Talk to your date about how this topic makes you feel, how it relates to life, cool stories related to the topic.

Also save your obscure references to people who will get them.

Title	Is intelligent conversation generally a turnoff?
Author	FaithInStrangers94
Upvotes	80
Comments	130
Date	September 19, 2022 3:14 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/xi0c5r/is_intelligent_conversation_generally_a_turnoff/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-intelligent-conversation-generally-a-turnoff.1249758 https://theredarchive.com/post/1249758

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