I've been approaching women since 2009 and have yet to have any kind of success, hundreds of approaches later. I feel immense self-hate and need someone to talk to.

xdropz · 2020-11-05T08:37:58+00:00

I think you are focusing too much on pickup and theories it has messed with your ability to act natural. Join social clubs and events, do some volunteering, anywhere you can build your social confidence. Also I think your geographical location plays a part in the lack of success, perhaps it just does not work there.

ado011235 · 2020-11-05T09:18:13+00:00

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blockgoblin · 2020-11-05T11:01:08+00:00

If I am honest, it sounds very much like you are focusing too much on pursuing women and not enough on being desirable. I know that sounds backwards, but people can detect insecurity or bad intentions from a mile away and as soon as you forget about the goal of getting 'anyone', people will be much more receptive to becoming your 'someone'.

If, like you say, you've approached hundreds of women, something in the way you approach them may make them (rightfully) feel like a commodity. If you sit around chasing girls for hours at a time, they are just another number and will feel that immediately. So stop, take a step back, and focus on yourself. Forget about pickup and focus on inner game.

The industry has been moving towards actual self help (Models) recently for good reason: it works. If you want a lasting relationship you can't put up a facade of being desirable, you need to be desirable. All that dumb shit about peacocking and pickup lines and demonstrating your value is great if it is genuine but as soon as you learn it from some 'expert' (emphasis on the quotes) you've fucked it up.

You could say I peacock, because I wear a nice watch and silly colorful socks but that is because I want to not because I've been told to. You could say that I know a few pickup lines but that's because I look at the girl as the individual and say whatever comese to mind about how I genuinely feel about this person (and matches the context of the conversation). You could say I demonstrate value, but that is because I work out and have good posture and I am happy with my job which allows me to just be myself and show it naturally.

I don't chase women, and I'm not some seduction superstar, but I also don't have to because I've focused on myself, and when I interact with people they feel comfortable and safe with me because they know my intentions and know that I am genuine. So stop chasing 'anyone', put yourself out there socially, be kind, comfortable, and confident, and when you find a 'someone' (ie. a specific person not just any woman) then try again. But like another commenter said, nobody is more important in seduction than yourself. Look after yourself, and it will feel like people just fall into your lap (metaphorically, but sometimes literally).

FryNLeela · 2020-11-05T07:55:35+00:00

Don’t worry about pickup style or coaching. Take improv classes. Make comedy your focus, but improv specifically since it changes how your think, to be spontaneous first and funny second.

It’ll help immensely

NathiMulina · 2020-11-05T08:23:21+00:00

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erect_sean · 2020-11-05T11:15:47+00:00

Hey brother. Sounds like you've had it real rough, but my kudos to you for your resilience and determination .. not many guys have what you have in that regard. Those inner qualities you have developed is inspiring.

My suggestion for you based on what I read from you is to be practice being more kind to yourself. I know you'll struggle to receive this ... because you carry a voice of self hatred but you NEED kindness to yourself. A practical way to do this is a regular intense and consistent meditation practice something like 2 hours a day.

Along with that I say continue looking for women if that's what you desire, but also see what it is you are really looking for behind the women. If lacking women in your life makes you suicidal then there is something important missing inside you. What is it you think you'll get from women? Happiness? Love? Care? Intimacy? Connection? How can you develop more of that stuff on your own and give it to yourself?

greatdateguy · 2020-11-05T07:51:47+00:00

I relate to a lot of this. I didn't see any major success with game til very recently. But it was like 14-15 years of feeling like a painful failure that would die alone.

competitive_Aries123 · 2020-11-05T12:23:50+00:00

Focus on your health! Why are you spending so much money on pick up lines classes when you’re complaining that you don’t have money for therapy. Your priorities are in the wrong place and any self respecting woman would see that. Therefore, instead of those silly classes that haven’t worked in years, try therapy which will help you understand yourself more and manage your illness in social settings. You spent 12 years being conned by scam artists. Now spend years learning what’s best for you and who you truly are. Plus, hitting the gym wouldn’t hurt to be honest. Doesn’t necessarily have to be a gym, but being physically active with any form of workouts should help.

five7off · 2020-11-05T13:13:47+00:00

Not everyone is good looking, not everyone will get their dream job, not everyone will get their dream girl.

You have a job, a car, and years and years of life ahead.

Girls are interested in you, but instead of being you, you're listening to what someone else is telling you to do. And it also sounds like you're being really picky with your options.

My advice to you is get a hobby, smoke some weed, and chill the fuck out.

There's a person out there for you, you just have to put yourself in the situation organically to meet her.

And chill with that suicide talk, life is too full of magic and miracles bro, things can change drastically today.

DirtyLickins · 2020-11-05T13:36:56+00:00

I think a large portion of your life is revolved around women, which is not a good thing. Learn to have fun on your own. Make some friends.

RoadToVictory1000 · 2020-11-05T07:32:02+00:00

How old are you?

minoru_nakano · 2020-11-05T08:41:12+00:00

Let me ask you one question. If you were the other person, would you spend time with yourself?

If you can't answer that question positively, it means you haven't spent enough time learning to live with yourself. You are the only constant in your life. Funny thing is, when you become fine being by yourself, that's when other people will attract to your energy. From reading your post, it sounds like you have spent a considerable amount of energy on trying to pick up women, but that's only one way to develop yourself as a person, and a shallow one at that.

designer-gas · 2020-11-05T13:07:27+00:00

I think you should go for the women you deem “unattractive”. I know many might disagree but hear me out

In my experiences with women, the times I feel most confident is when I have sexual relations with at least one woman if not multiple. However, even when it’s been just one and it’s a girl that I don’t find the best looking, the confidence the relationship can give you is very real. Sex can at times (when done in moderation) make you feel wanted and capable. Especially when it’s consistent sex with a woman even if it’s one that you’re not necessarily attached to. A lot of the time, it takes men one woman to realize they can get multiple and the reassurance is powerful. On top of that, the sexual experience is something not to look past. Something my friends who don’t date much will say a lot is it’s not worth it and then give some excuses (not cute enough, lives too far, she’s weird etc). So when you finally meet a girl worth doing it with you’re gonna go in not knowing what you’re doing?? That’s not to say that you should be worrying about your performance when having sex (which gave me erectile dysfunction for two years) it’s simply so women see you’ve been with other women and she’s not gonna have to teach you basic relationship skills many learn in their earlier years (which is a big no for MANY many woman). Believe it or not, you can tell when someone’s gone through a relationship a lot of the time simply because they’ve already gone through common relationship problems and deal with it maturely. (For example, a guy with relationship experience isn’t gonna get mad knowing a girl has slept around in her past. Many have gone through that in earlier years for ex. high school, just to end up realizing that it’s not a good thing to subconsciously shame your s/o as it could do damage to the relationship, while a guy that’s new might react simply because it can make him insecure without thinking of the effects) Basically what I’m saying is, girls like the alpha/confident guy. The best way to be an alpha/confident guy is to be one. When that’s not the case, it’s best to at least emulate one until your confidence is there. Women don’t want an insecure dude.

I’m not gonna tell you what you need to and don’t need to work on because you know best, but you need to start somewhere. If you need to learn how to be with women, start with ones you can get NOW. As long as they know it’s not serious, there’s no harm done. But stop paying for pickup coaches, because I promise you the pickup part is only like 10% of the process. Takes more to keep a woman interested. If you ever want tips (not even to sound like a douche) feel free to PM me. I help my friends a lot when they ask for advice

PuroPincheGains · 2020-11-05T13:35:00+00:00

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you aren't in the best shape or health

heathert7900 · 2020-11-05T13:26:38+00:00

Before you go finding someone else, you need to learn how to like yourself. Be content on your own. Realize that relationships aren’t your personal value. Also, most women hate being hit on. But regardless, you need to work on yourself first. And start interacting with others without an expectation of romance or sex.

ElScrotoDeCthulo · 2020-11-05T15:16:03+00:00

Have you tried contact sports like jiu jitsu, judo, or kickboxing?

They are incredible for confidence building. I feel like doing one of them for a couple of years will improve your image overall because you’ll have this good vibe about you.

Example: I’ve been talking to this woman for a while and she’s so flaky sometimes and it’s so damn irritating and I always am questioning if she even really is into me, or if I’m just wasting my time being her confidence booster/emotional tampon....then I started going to bjj classes again, and man the difference In my mind set was IMMEDIATE.

Like..it was a moment of clarity when I realized it. Here’s what happened: I was on my way to class and we were supposed to hangout after it, but she cancelled on me (again🙄) and I was pissy about it, considering responding with a “cool.” Or “k” text..but I didn’t. I held off and just went into class and got in some good rolls in a healthy good natured environment. After class I get to my car and am reminded that I have yet to open and respond to her text when I see it in the lock screen. So I open my phone, type, “no biggie🙃” And hit send.

...neeedless to say (due to the female mind being fucky like that) she texted me the next day saying how much she misses me and can’t wait to hangout etc etc, I’m just in my head like “mmhm, cool. Whatever, I have CLASS tonight and that’s all I care about rn”

Do I suck at bjj? Absolutely! I am fuckin terrrrrible 😂, but does that matter? Nope! Because I am interacting with friendly self assured ppl and bettering myself, all while getting in a quality workout which is good for the mind!

Please my friend, I implore you to do some bjj and maybe boxing or kickboxing classes and really dedicate yourself to it for a year or more, and I guarantee your social failures won’t seem as big of an issue.

Everyone has someone out there who is a perfect match, sometimes it’s just hard to find them and it can be very tough at times trying to keep a positive outlook on love.

Been there....am there...

I wish you luck my friend.

p.s. don’t just get into contact stuff either, engage in other hobbies you enjoy! The people you’ll click best with are going to be those with similar interests! Also one last word of advice: when you do go on a date, and things are going smoothly with the usual small talk over coffee or dinner, bring up the nervousness part/insecurity part. Be honest and up front from the get go. “Sooo...uhhh. Not gonna lie, I only just started dating again so sorry if I suck at this haha😅...”

Girls appreciate honesty and a genuine guy, especially ones who are getting older in age and have been through their run of the mill douchebags who use dating one liners and all the tricks to get in their pants...they can spot bs.

Just be genuine. Don’t put on a false image, be straight up with her. In my experience being honest about stuff like that (had a 5 year span of no dates or anything after my first breakup. Took a lot to get me back out there and I was insanely nervous and awkward, but once I fessed up to her it like...it took all that weight off of my shoulders) makes the interaction way easier.

Also let’s be honest my friend, you don’t have much experience, so maybe go on those dates with the girls that show interest in you. Older, a little heavier, who cares? Grab a coffee and make friends. Practice your social skills. If she seems to want to progress your relationship past small talk first date stuff, and you aren’t interested in doing that just reply with a “I really did enjoy hanging out with you and getting to know you a little bit but I’ve also been talking with other people trying to find “the one”, and I’m really clicking well with one of them, so I don’t want to mislead you or anything..I totally would be willing to stay friends though if you want to do something sometime!”

Because as they say, you can never have too many friends! Going out with friends is a great way to buff up your social skills!

pantheruler · 2020-11-05T17:57:46+00:00

It's ok man, some of us are just ugly, with not enough money to make up for it

rathero3 · 2020-11-06T03:45:43+00:00

Dude you dont have to force yourself on pickup. At the end of the day we are all alone even if we have slept with a thousand girls. Learn to enjoy life in your own way. Sex is just overrated.

STD_Tyler · 2020-11-05T07:31:33+00:00

What is your experience with online dating?

2020-11-05T12:31:17+00:00

You know what I like about you? You are brave! Brave people will do things that make them uncomfortable to get to the next level. And you know what? Most women I know love confidence and sensitivity. Seems like you have that within you. Keep looking for a therapist to help you get where you want to go. Good luck!!

thewitchdoctormd · 2020-11-05T11:47:48+00:00

Learn to read body language first and psychic seduction skill second , approach thrird

eatloss · 2020-11-05T12:05:12+00:00

All that coaching has to be making you appear as thirsty. Girls like to see guys that are worried about their own personal goals and asperations. They don't like to see you as chasing women.

7Saturn7Saturn7 · 2020-11-05T12:21:13+00:00

If everything else in your life is bad it's doubtful that women will be good. Others have good suggestions but I'd also like to reccomend helping out other people like through volunteering, etc. It's a good way to build up purpose and self esteem. It also sparks empathy which is invaluable in starting relationships.

websurfer49 · 2020-11-05T14:10:17+00:00

Focus on making as much money as possible and calming down (your mental state). Improve your mental health.

And I would recommend dating anyone at all who will have you. Try dating ugly or older women.

Any experience will be good as it will make you less socially awkward and more relaxed.

Even Small things like holding hands will help your mental state quite a lot.

OnceMoreMJH · 2020-11-05T14:16:41+00:00

Do you lift? Do you eat healthy? Do you have stylish clothes, a good haircut and good hygiene? Do you have hobbies that you can fall back on so that women aren’t the ultimate goal?

It’s easy to make them the goal. I’ve done it in the past but now that I have a couple of hobbies that I am passionate about im naturally less focused on women.

worldpart · 2020-11-05T23:06:41+00:00

Chase excellence, happiness with what you do, lifestyle. Women will follow.

suckat_life · 2020-11-06T00:44:03+00:00

You either got it or u don’t. You can’t learn it

McPoyal · 2020-11-06T01:04:56+00:00

Bro holy shit. What do you mean sexual dysfunction? If you aren't confident you can make her cum like crazy more often than not...like you said ..they can smell that energy. Read She Comes First and other related works. They posted the whole thing here with other suggestions a few days ago.

Dude your self esteem is fucked up! Read six pillars of self esteem and do all the things it says to do. It's free on youtube.

And this is gonna sound out if no where but go vegan for a few weeks. Drink a shake every morning with every super good powder you can find (walmart has good deals). Read The mind illuminated and get your meditation on. It's also free on golden reads . Com I think is the website but it's easy enough to find online.

Read be here now and do the yoga routine in it...also found free online.

Read the power of now (it used to be free on youtube but idk).

Look into the 75 hard process and retrain your brain to be a badass.

Dude forget about sex for now man, you have bigger fish to fry. Much love homie. I'm rooting for you.

Oh and also look into r/microdosing and see if there's not something you can do about that depression with the quickness!

Even if you have a. Micropenis .... Just become the master of mouth and hands and toys!

christian7771 · 2020-11-06T01:20:14+00:00

I don’t know who you are or exactly what you’re going through, but it sounds very difficult. I’ve been through depression myself(along with many other things) and I can relate to a lot of what you said. I have to give you a lot of credit for putting yourself out there. I’ve thought about killing myself multiple times and I’ve felt like I was worthless and that the world would be better off without me. As a result of how I felt I started using drugs which provided temporary relief and provided a way for me to escape my reality for a short amount of time. This only made things worse and I spent a lot of money on substances and I got addicted. My entire happiness depended on me having access to substances and I started disregarding things that used to be important to me. My depression/anxiety/PTSD worsened and I lost all hope in life. There was a point in time when pretty much all I thought about was how much I hated myself and how much I wished I were dead. Getting out of bed felt like climbing a mountain and nothing brought me joy. I simply lost my will to live.-That was a little over two years ago-Now I’m not going to say that I’m always happy and I don’t feel depressed or let down occasionally but my existence has improved substantially. I have more energy, my social life has improved, and I feel genuinely happier. (I accredit a lot of that to improving my diet, sleep, and exercise)Although all that is great what is most important to me is that I have hope for the future and I know that I am loved and valued. That is because even though I’ve made many mistakes in my life I don’t have to carry that burden. I’ve been forgiven- not because of anything I’ve done to deserve it- but because of how much I am loved. My value lies not in how much money I have, how many beautiful women I’ve dated, or the amount of friends I have. The Creator of the universe loved me so much that He sent his only Son to be beaten and nailed to a cross because He wanted me to be with Him forever. Because I believe in Jesus, God counts me as righteous so I don’t have to suffer forever and I don’t have to hate myself anymore. That same man who never did anything wrong His whole life died for you as well. He loves you more than you can possibly know and He is alive. He doesn’t think you sound like a bitch, He knows what pain feels like. He wants you to know Him and if you do, you will never be the same. This world is not forever, you will die some day(everyone does) and when you do what will really matter is if you knew Jesus Christ as your Lord and personal savior. I am telling you this because I care about you and I want you to know that the pain in this world will not last forever. God’s love lasts forever, He has the power to change your life for the better and when this world comes to an end your suffering will also end. I want you to have the same peace I have in my heart and I pray that you find it.

I know this was long and I’m really glad if you read all of this. I will be praying for you, God has a plan for your life and if you trust in him I think you will be surprised what can happen.

2020-11-06T02:35:41+00:00

maybe its your face?

2020-11-06T04:27:10+00:00

Your goal in meeting other people is superficial. Tough love coming: if you are broke, not great looking and awkward you will not land super models. But you might meet other people who might find you charming because of your quirkiness. However , you can’t feel like you’re too good for older women, chubby women and whatever other criteria you have. If you like gaming, find ppl that share your interest in certain games. Play with them, do activities surrounding the shared interest with them and enjoy their company. Quit trying to run game; you’re not a player. Be a human who’s interested- genuinely in someone else. I think that would be a better approach. As it stands right now, you really need to focus on improving yourself because you are not in a good place. Find out where what you are good at meets a money making venture. It could be truck driving. Find things about the world and being alive that excite you and be diligent about pursue them. Friend, no one is coming to save you. Nothing will be handed to you. So get busy living or get busy dying. I hope you choose to chase life. Good luck.

SavagelyInnocuous · 2020-11-06T06:54:36+00:00

Most replies are going to be people just adding insult to injury, by throwing advice at you of what you're doing wrong and how to be better at game. That's what seduction companies and forums thrive on, it the constant implication of guilt and blame on the person who is struggling, never admitting that game just doesn't work sometimes for some people.

Please feel free to discard my advice, but if you want to talk to people who can relate, try the incel subs. There's a lot of good people on there that just got an unfair hand in life, and went through a lot of suffering(there tends to be a lot of toxicity in incel forums though, so take it with a grain of salt.)

I am sure that part of your suffering is dealing with the constant implications that you are responsible for your plight, and just need to do better. It can be relieving for a lot of people to take the "black pill." Though this includes the realization that game doesn't work for some people, and possibly all the money you spend was wasted. The PUA industry makes millions of dollars by preying off of struggling men, and even though it works for some, the principles are often extremely toxic and damaging. As a quick example, the idea that women are attracted to non-needy men means you have to hide the fact that you want the girls you are approaching, because wanting them makes you unattractive, and if they can see that you want them they'll be disgusted, so you won't get girls, so you will want them more, and have to hide your inner feeling more, etc etc ad infinitum. This probably isn't taught anymore by some PUAs, but it's still toxic to a lot of guys. It's an idea that places the blame on the guy for not doing good enough, instead of on the idea itself for creating a mental trap.

Even if game never works for you, which might be the case, it's still possible to pay women for sex, if that ends up being important to you. And still possible for therapeutic healing and eventually a happier life.

New-CringymemesXD69 · 2020-11-06T15:12:18+00:00

It’s over

NathiMulina · 2020-11-05T12:15:09+00:00

Use acid. Don’t use it when you feel like shit. Use it when you realize you’re in a good mood. It will show you your life as it is and you’ll be grateful

ReimerTiemann · 2020-11-05T12:03:56+00:00

Dude, leave the women aside. It's time you get your shit together. I'm much younger than you and can't even imagine what you're going through but all I can say is that you must find yourself in a good position financially.

Fuck all these people who're trying to tell you to do this and then get chicks etc. You really need to get your life together. Women should NEVER be the sole direction of your life. 35 is not too late for a career change.

A free tip: If you can, learn to code. It's easy and almost free. After an year of coding (say HTML, CSS, JS and React), you can easily (mind you, easily) get a job >= 60K USD/year. Easily.

2020-11-05T12:27:02+00:00

Mate i dont know if im allowed to say this on this sub, but have you tried working on your physical appearance? Women need to find you attractive before they'll even consider dating you

ACoolDude4747 · 2020-11-06T01:52:16+00:00

Bro it's because you are ugly, join r/incelswithouthate we will not judge you are make you feel guilty, some things are out of our control.

xxShariingan · 2020-11-05T11:38:43+00:00

Sorry but it’s TLDR. I think that you should level up and be the best man you can be. When you’re the best version you can truly be, women will come naturally. Focus less on gimmicks like PUA and more on succes and leveling up outside of women.

Coachjoey · 2020-11-05T12:02:47+00:00

Hire a woman in her 40’s that will teach you how to have sex. Spend the thousands on a woman that will take the time and consideration to help you learn all about the female anatomy and your role in. Sexual relationship. Don’t fall in love with her. Separate incredible sex and sharing with someone from he NEED to fall in love to be happy. Let her teach you so you have such an abundance of sexual confidence you know hands-down that any woman would be lucky if they landed you in bed. When you get that swagger you don’t need books and tricks. Just the willingness to communicate.

swagetthesecond · 2020-11-05T13:31:31+00:00

NYC women can smell bullshit a mile away. Just focus on being yourself. Join some clubs. The chances you meet someone you actually vibe with is so much greater if you meet them doing an activity you both enjoy. Stop focusing on theory. That stuff is honestly just BS to try and sell you shit.

Captian-Jack_Sparrow · 2020-11-05T15:04:14+00:00

Everyone here is tryna be nice and shit but you’re probably just really ugly. Take the black pill brocel

neetnationalist · 2020-11-06T09:17:16+00:00

Take the blackpill. It’s over.

catkarambit · 2020-11-05T11:06:47+00:00

[permanently deleted]

necrophagouslove · 2020-11-05T13:43:00+00:00

[permanently deleted]

reverendbabyji · 2020-11-05T11:51:55+00:00

You need a drink, and an antianxiety medication.

vantablkpilled · 2020-11-06T04:59:16+00:00

Dude this is giga-blackpill moment, you make me want to rope. It's brutal out there. White is Law, blue eyes, 6ft+, square jawed, hollow cheeks, chiseled jawline, positive canthal tilt. And if you're are framelet it's over esp when you're not 8+ / 10. I don't know what to say man, you are making me speechless, but I want to console you. Look, it's brutal out there, why don't you come back to your home with us among incels. You are more than welcomed.

Kyo_Alu · 2020-11-05T11:55:34+00:00

Yikes

SnapSocialGuru · 2020-11-05T15:25:55+00:00

Fuck it, I’m going to say it since no one else will.

Day game, and other spam approach methods, are a myth. They’re a scam. It’s a highly ineffective method of building relationships and unnatural talking to human beings.

Day game, and other methods of spam approaching, are almost always an absolute waste of time that don’t produce any results. It was something marketed and packaged by the oldschool PUA industry to sell courses and coaching. But it doesn’t work.

You shouldn’t hate yourself for it. But you should know you got duped.

StrangelyErotic · 2020-11-05T12:32:44+00:00

I'd like to say kudos to you for putting yourself out there so much. Being rejected so often willing to keep trying is a sign of perseverance, so take that as something you can base your self esteem in. I watched a video from the channel Healthy Gamer GG, he interviewed a person that went through similar issues that you did, and he talked about the underlying lack of self acceptance as the root cause of these issues. I think if you fix your self hatred and your mindset, it will go a long way in improving your quality of life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIPTN0qdFVU

There's also a show on nextflix called "Dating on the Spectrum", I don't know how much help it will be, but I think you'll find the struggles to be relatable. I wish you the best of luck going forward.

Star__boy · 2020-11-05T12:36:24+00:00

How many girls are you platonic friends with? Most guys who do very well have a few girls who they are just friends with.

Besthater · 2020-11-05T12:56:31+00:00

Your ability to be realistic with your self assesment is great. You don't seem to be trying to fool yourself any longer. You seem close to bottom now. The good news is, there is a lot of room to move up. You made this so important. Mate, just go to a brothel. Your torturing yourself. Women arent the goal. You doing things you like is.

VDKay · 2020-11-05T12:57:42+00:00

What do you think is the #1 thing that is holding you back? I don't mean now, I mean throughout the years. You said your friends were more successful than you. Why do you think was that? How do you look like? Do you have any disability, or something that is immediately noticeable? Do you feel like your appearance is sabotaging you more than your mental state?

Look, right now, it is clear that your mental situation is getting in the way of functioning properly in your day-to-day life. This is serious and needs to be checked ASAP. It's one thing to feel lonely and frustrated, and another to have trouble living and being productive at all. I know that your frustration and all this situation comes from the very fact that you feel lonely, but I'd strongly suggest to look into it as a different problem. It is necessary that you see a therapist or someone who can trully help you getting your daily life back on track. Then, start working on your loneliness. If you have considered suicide, then that's very serious and, depending on your location, you may be eligible for communal therapy with very low or no cost. Please look it up.

IMHO, and this may sound counter-intuitive for this sub, one route would be to lower your standards and maybe give someone a chance who you wouldn't do otherwise. Like give them a couple of months, and if you still find that that there is no way you can make it work, break up.

p.s. why not try to make money from teaching other people about pick-up? You seem to have decent success.

GuyWhoGivesAwayMoney · 2020-11-05T13:36:08+00:00

Would it help if I posted some of my text messages and interactions with women for you and others on here to analyze and work from? I'll also guide you guys step by step on each of my responses and how I escalated and moved in from text to phone conversation.

Would you like me to build you a Very basic and generic approach and conversational script that you can later modify and build up from? I find that Removing all expectation from an approach and walking up to a woman with the intention of NOT picking her up and instead setting up the paradigm that She would instead pick You up removes ALL approach anxiety and expectation from the guys I always help. and keep your money. PLEASE. I always help people for free. and I am Very good at what I do : )

mraees93 · 2020-11-05T13:37:25+00:00

I love your determination. It gets quite tough. As I always say and especially recently "if God is making you wait then be prepared to receive more than what you asked for"

Cobalt_blue_dreamer · 2020-11-05T13:39:59+00:00

A girl will not solve your problems. You need to work on yourself and developing interests outside of romantic interests. Picking up girls is only one step in a many step process and there is also keeping the girl and keeping her happy. You have to work on your own issues first. If you can’t afford a therapist now, find a way. You seem to be taking too much on by yourself. Posting here is probably an okay first step I guess but maybe post on more support sites too not focused on seduction but focused on finding some inexpensive therapy.

You don’t want to be scary focused on getting dates because you want to have sex either, that’ll be scary for girls. The sex comes to those that mesh well together it can take a little patience but if it’s your focus it will turn girls off. You also have to be honest with yourself about your appearance and the effort you put into it and learn how to tell if a girl puts about the same amount of time and effort into her appearance so that you’re kinda on an even playing field. If you put a lot of effort in and work out and have for years it would make sense to go after girls that are the same. Sometimes girls like that don’t have a definite type. But generally people prefer to be with someone who puts in about the same effort appearance and hygiene wise that they do.

There is a lot to it that a book can’t teach you. You focus too much on the surface. You need to work on yourself from within.

zubwaabwaa · 2020-11-05T14:02:28+00:00

By the sounds of it you are way to focused on “getting” girls. You should really try to focus on yourself, your overall happiness and well being. Then when you’ve perfected that you should try to create opportunities for yourself. This can be going out to social events, talking randomly with strangers. I would really recommend the book Models by Mark Manson.

2020-11-05T14:04:41+00:00

What else do you have going on in your life besides cold approach pickup? I know it's tempting to just be reclusive and make cold approach a huge part of your life, but if you don't have balance, you become a lone wolf. My advice is focus on career, hobbies, and fitness, and that'll make you fulfilled, regardless of women. After spamming game in college, I've realized as an adult that living a life focused on getting women is going to lead to being lonely, and less attractive to women. Cold approach should just be a tool used by fulfilled and confident men to meet women as they go about their daily business.

aonemonkey · 2020-11-05T14:12:02+00:00

I think you should forget about picking up women and go travel. Obviously not the best time but make some plans for when things open up. I don't mean just take a holiday... Take a 6 month backpacking trip somewhere adventurous. Get some life experience, see the world. You will meet people along the way... You don't need to get anything from them, just have some fun, it really sounds like you need some!

Syl_A_Med · 2020-11-05T14:20:13+00:00

I'd like to echo a lot of what I'm reading in the comments here and say that it's really about finding the activities you really love to do and do those regardless of there being women involved. Sure it's nice to have all that professional training and coaching, but real results come from how you feel about yourself, and that primarily comes from what you spend your time doing. No matter what activity you enjoy doing (video games, stamp collecting) there are probably MILLIONS of other people who are interested in those things as well. Once you start connecting to those people (through online forums or in person) you'll start to gain a sense of security by feeling like you're not alone. I think too often people are focused on "pickup" as being a hobby. In my opinion it can be a fun hobby, but if you really ask yourself what you want, most of the time it's a partner, a friend, a companion. If you're "running game" on some girl, you won't be your authentic self and you'll have little chance of establishing a meaningful connection.

The answers aren't outside of you - the answers are in what you do and how you feel about yourself. Start focusing on little accomplishments and how good they feel (taking out the trash, washing the dishes) and eventually expand that into bigger things (talking to 3 new people at a party, writing a short story). Combine these small victories with engaging with people in your social circle and you'll take a lot of the pressure off the idea of meeting women and hooking up with them. It's much more important to be in a good place mentally, physically and spiritually than to try to look for an outside source to help fix you.

There are many useful resources such as audiobooks by Tony Robbins or Brian Tracy that really help get into the practical applications of science to help raise self-esteem and live a happier life. Glad you posted this instead of suffering with it alone.

Good luck!

2020-11-05T14:55:59+00:00

You posses a wealth of knowledge... anyone who has been in game for that long has an immense amount of value to give to people. Clean yourself up and make your passion and purpose helping others who are lost find and understand game through your teachings much like you did with your friends. You are a thinker and have a powerful, intellectual mind so find happiness in taking your 12 years of study and helping students of yours find true confidence and self esteem. If you do this what will happen is your life will find purpose and opportunities will naturally fall into place for you, your mental health will improve and like many of the other comments have said the fact that getting a girl is no longer your main priority will be the reason one actually will find a way into your life... but there is a certain peace and power about letting go of wanting a girl and just accepting your insecurities and being okay with everything while making small improvements every day to get better (brushing teeth, tidying up, pursuing goals) because life is a game of momentum and we just need to start doing a couple things right every day until BOOM your rolling ! and I’m willing to be your first client so let’s get started today, I’m ready to learn!!

billrementer · 2020-11-05T14:58:27+00:00

You sound like one resilient SOB, but your goals seem outcome based and not performance based. By this I mean you’re focusing on the end game in which you have no control over. Performance goals are strictly what you control such as working out 4x/ this week or meditating 10m each day. Focus on what you can control and not what fate throws at you and you may find that you are more powerful than you think. I’m not one for pushing my beliefs on others but adopting a stoic philosophy has helped me immensely with dealing with rejection and heartache, so it may help you as well. Good luck and God speed

TdoggXO · 2020-11-05T15:12:59+00:00

Dude in all honesty you’ve focused too much time on women and approaching and not improving the issues in your life.

You stated that you have 1.) sexual dysfunction 2.) Possible Asperger’s syndrome 3.) Sexual insecurities 4.) Poor Genetics 5.) Low Self Esteem 6.) PTSD

You’ve invested way too much on the pick up community which can lead to self improvement but it’s not the main goal. The main goal is to get laid. Your main goal needs to get yourself right.

You need to stop worrying about women and getting laid but instead get your mind right, your body right, your money right and your personality right.

You can do this but it’s going to take work. You honestly and absolutely cannot be in a relationship nor attract women with low self esteem, ptsd, sexual insecurities etc.

DemolitionMech · 2020-11-05T15:14:09+00:00

Are you doing field reports? Do you have active wingman? Do you record yourself when speaking and analyzing in detail your approaches? How consistent do you do approaches per week ? are you optimizing your looks to the max? I feel like the devil is in the details when it come to progressing in cold approach, so you may need to go the extra mile in breaking it out to painful detail. I'm also curious as to which bootcamps you went on cause theyre all different, and would be interested in understanding your own style of game. Other than that I agree with what others here say in focusing on self love, meditation, and maybe even therapy. Once you are internally more at peace, your positive inner energy will show in your approaches, your smile, and your eye contact. Hope this helps

FinnishDistraction · 2020-11-05T15:15:51+00:00

My man, you need to do every thing you can to afford therapy and stop giving money to coaches and stuff. Therapy is what will solve your problems, not going to improv class or “just being more social”, but therapy, trust me.

ObviousBudget6 · 2020-11-05T15:21:30+00:00

All of the advice you are getting in here is plain bullshit.

I´ve been "there", and no, you don´t get past though this by joining a yoga class or being "more social in general".

Jesus some people have really no idea.

What you need is healing, deep introspection work.

If you can´t afford therapy, you could research psychedelics. They could save your life.

I´ve done a tremendous growth in self confidence by just doing psychedelics consistently in a strict therapy-instropection scenario for almost a whole year. Pick up and outer game is essential, but I can see how I could probably never be where I am withouth serious deep inner game like the one I did with psychs. (I did some plain-talk therapy too btw).

I really had a laugh reading normies people advice for a case that is not normal, it´s special and it requires a serious approach. If I had done what they suggest I´ll probably be dead too. (By sucide).

2020-11-05T15:25:51+00:00

Drop your bar and focus on fatties. Honestly, unless a girl is morbidly wide, you’re gonna get hole and they usually try extra hard. Fatties are a great go-to for easy anal too. Thank me later.

Josephjlu · 2020-11-05T15:25:59+00:00

I feel for you... Do some emotional work on yourself and develop your self worth. You are an amazing human being who deserves to love and be loved. DM me if you want some more direction.

2020-11-05T15:30:50+00:00

Maybe you’re too picky for how ugly you are. Try marrying a fatty and be done with it. You might wind up happier in the long run. You might also see more success career-wise

To be honest I refuse to believe you don’t know what the problem is here. You might talk really weird or maybe you’re very awkward...try fixing what’s not working. You don’t need inner game you need plastic surgery and therapy if you aren’t having any success.

Throw up a picture if you want us to know what you look like so we can gauge why you can’t find success.

How tall are you? How much do you work out? What kind of clothes do you wear? How many friends do you have? Is your skin clear? Is your nose big? Are you well read? Are you smart? Do you have a good taste in music? Do you have a tan? Are you willing to lower your standards?

NeoconDonChickyparm · 2020-11-05T15:36:29+00:00

Watch all of the Jordan Peterson interviews on Joe Rogan’s podcast. Then read 12 Rules for Life. These helped me immensely in my darkest times. JP’s work is made for young men in our generation searching for a better way. You are ready for a big change my friend. Good luck.

novacantusername · 2020-11-05T15:36:46+00:00

Your approach sounds self-harming. Compassion and kindness is an important aspect of being human. It starts with your own attitude towards yourself. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it

lilfishbowl · 2020-11-05T15:38:43+00:00

Don't use acid. Use mushrooms. Acid is potentially dangerous. And, don't take life too serious. Just think about this. Time is either infinite or it's just an illusion and you happen to be alive here and now. Be thankful for what you do have because some one always has it worst. Try having friends of similar interest instead of chasing women. Learn to love yourself unconditionally regardless of validation from others because if you do...who really is in control of how you feel?

mrkrimper · 2020-11-05T15:45:46+00:00

Hey man, I’m sorry to hear about your situation, I really sympathize with you. My only advice to you is this: there will be many opinions here from the general public and many will be conflicting so please don’t take what people say here too seriously as I think it can make things worse. I would recommend that you seek professional help such as a professional therapist, you can do it online at places like better help.com

2020-11-05T15:47:46+00:00

You've put much effort into approaches, now put effort into making yourself approachable. Get in shape, learn to dress, develope a passion. Do these cool things for yourself, knowing that the make you more attractive as a collateral effect. Best of luck.

snufftheentertainer · 2020-11-05T15:52:47+00:00

Dude ... it sounds like you have everything you need . Except the one thing you actually need . To nutshell it it's just the ability to connect with your target . All the game in the world wont help at all if the shit never can land . Open up.. and play a little. Do some improv comedy.. fucking learn to dance and not feel like shit while doing it . Actually I'd say that's the ticket.. learn to dance and not feel like a dick doing it ..and to ramp it up go sing songs outside your local mall or high traffic shopping center. Once that isn't as pua would say stifling.. then go out . And straight up ask that hoe what her onlyfans is..

snufftheentertainer · 2020-11-05T15:56:18+00:00

And when she responds just tell her you're making a documentary about how a normal guy can rail a sexworker in a Walmart parking lot.

MagnumBurrito · 2020-11-05T16:05:05+00:00

All this is about getting women. What is your mission in life?

pdawes · 2020-11-05T16:15:30+00:00

Check this video out brother https://youtu.be/IIPTN0qdFVU

hobnoh_grispek · 2020-11-05T16:19:06+00:00

Get a dog.

No, seriously. Get a dog.

Not only will it help with your depression and self-hate, but it will bring a lot of girls TO YOU. Girls will literally start approaching you, just because you have a dog.

At this point, you should be focusing on any kind of results, regardless of how stubbornly you want success from pickup. So be open to getting a dog, and take a step back from pickup for a few weeks. Because any kind of success will snowball and allow you to get better at pickup. It's all related: pickup, making friends, talking to people. They all come down to having decent social skills, and right now, you just need to be better than you were yesterday.

Legitimate_Delay · 2020-11-05T16:53:12+00:00

Bro don't focus too much on pickup girls will pick that up quickly and it will make you look like a looser who doesn't have anything else to do .I'm not calling u a looser that's what happens when h focus on it too much

My suggestion would be do Smth you really like and approach a girl and make the convo simple and easy then talk about what u r really passionate about That way u can start a conversation but don't talk too much give yourself a few pauses

balls_ache_bc_of_u · 2020-11-05T16:54:45+00:00

I think this community can be toxic at times. A lot of it requires a big element of social awareness and that is often unsaid.

Many say NEVER do x. Or girls ALWAYS want x. It’s nonsense. The vast majority of women have enough common sense to not be tricked by gimmicks that come off as not genuine.

Just my suggestion... don’t read this sub anymore. Focus on learning about women because you’re genuinely curious about them... provided that you are genuinely curious about them. There are many women out there who just want friends or someone to confide in.

I’ve been dating a woman who is hot who says she’s gone out with tons of dudes. She’s told me on multiple occasions “guys don’t even look in my eyes...” But that doesn’t mean you should lock onto her eyes and never look away, obviously. Given your post, it’s not clear to me that you would know that.

If what you’re doing now isn’t working, stop reading this sub and just try being a friend to women. Be vulnerable, hear their stories, try to make each other laugh. I’m not necessarily saying this will get you women but I think that shouldn’t be your priority now.

You are worthwhile.

Gmarlon123 · 2020-11-05T16:59:30+00:00

Stop trying to pick up on women immediately and figure you are going to give yourself 2 years just to work on yourself, work on your mind, work on your body, and find 2 passions and delve deep into them- figure these are passions that can be done alone or shared like sailing or yoga or overnight hiking- get really good and really knowledgeable. Maybe make a passion your job, even if it pays you really low at first. This is a good starting point.

Protocol_Apollo · 2020-11-05T17:05:47+00:00

Do you lift?

Do you fashion?

Do you groom yourself?

socialanimal_us · 2020-11-05T17:14:29+00:00

sometimes the issue is not the problem but how you tackle it. You might find this video interesting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lKRM76uFeI

Swimming_in_paradise · 2020-11-05T17:16:51+00:00

Consider regularly attending Yoga class. The mat is a great place to meet yourself and others sharing a similar experience. Explore the different realms beyond asana.

eablokker · 2020-11-05T17:31:09+00:00

So sorry to hear that. I have felt that way at times. All of this has given you trauma and depression and false negative beliefs about yourself. You definitely need therapy. This is a psychological problem, don’t try to treat it with sex and women, that won’t help. If you can’t afford it you can start by finding free or low cost online self therapy courses. There are some courses on Udemy about EMDR trauma therapy and CBT cognitive therapy. If you’re looking for a new career that pays incredibly well you could even train to become a licensed therapist.

2020-11-05T18:02:28+00:00

Clearly, the dating market in North Eastern US isn't working out for you. Which means that most likely, nowhere in the US will be good for you dating wise. If I were you I would try moving overseas at least for awhile. I know it's difficult now with Covid and border closures, but you can use this time to prepare to move, make some money, set up a location independent business or find a remote job if you don't have one. After that, I would recommend going to South East Asia: The Philippines, Thailand or Indonesia in that order of priority. Unless you are really, really fucked up you will get laid there regularly.

2020-11-05T18:04:47+00:00

Dm me bro, maybe we can talk about it and it might help🙏

red_polish_ · 2020-11-05T18:15:30+00:00

Hey! I don’t know if you have tried joining forums of people who share interests with you, you can meet new people and make good friends that you can later met up with + it could help you practice your texting abilities! Even if you don’t find the love of your life there or you don’t end up meeting irl with someone i’m pretty sure you’re going to get a lot of great things out of it.

nothingisrevealed · 2020-11-05T18:16:48+00:00

Hi, you say that you have had opportunities to be with some women but they didn't meet with your attraction. And yet you yourself said that you have a lot of deficiencies in your appearance and behavior. Why do you allow negative things like someone's age or someone being "too big" get in the way of your happiness? Even if these women are "practice sessions" for when you eventually meet your dream partner, they will give you valuable life lessons about how to treat women. If i may be honest your attitude towards other women who don't meet your standards kind of sucks and moreover gives me insight into why you may have troubles relating to the opposite sex. I say this as kindly as i can manage. Best wishes to you.

blunt_eastwood · 2020-11-05T18:29:46+00:00

Have you read Models by Mark Manson?

2020-11-05T18:49:16+00:00

This is how I eventually found love AND learned how to better manage my autism symptoms:

I used dating websites to meet ppl that had similar interests and hobbies. It's easier to get your foot in the door online, cuz ppl can't really tell how weird u are until they meet u in person. And chances are, you'll at least get laid and have a few good dates before they decide you're too weird for them. Chances are, you'll meet someone just as weird as you and you'll really click! At the very least, you will get some experience, which will boost your self confidence, and help u improve ur social skills for the next relationship. Rinse and repeat until you find the right person/ppl.

Do psychedelics. Mushrooms, acid, DMT. Do them alone. Spend time reflecting on yourself and how you can become better as a person. The trips may be uncomfortable and unpleasant, but they are the fastest way to make personal breakthroughs.

If you can't afford therapy watch Youtube psych videos. Some of them can be really informative.

And maybe consider giving less attractive girls a chance? You might find that the physical attraction increases as you discover the other ways you are emotionally or intellectually compatible. Besides, everyone can wear make up, work out, buy better clothes, get a better hair do, try Invisalign, etc. When my partner started gaining weight, I told him I was less attracted to him. He made a point to get back in shape. Someone who really loves you will put in the effort but you have to approach it gently.

2020-11-05T18:52:25+00:00

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misterandosan · 2020-11-05T19:08:18+00:00

I think you need to work on building a fulfilling life outside of seduction, because it's clearly not working for you after all these years.

Are you talking to a therapist about this stuff? You need to work on your insecurities, anxieties and self sabotage and come from a healthy mindset before you think about introducing other people into your life. There's clinical psychologists that specialise in this stuff. Make sure to find one and spend money on them, not PUAs who teach superficial bullshit.

self-hate, loneliness, frustration, and depression and seriously considering suicide

Check out "Feeling Good" by Dr David Burns. He's a clinical psychologist that's helped a lot of people with those same thoughts. It uses Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and step by step exercises to deal with self-destructive thoughts. You can find it online somewhere. Give it a go and let me know what you think.

janus_Ouroboros · 2020-11-05T19:40:35+00:00

Get some benzos and seek help sir.

Mous3_ · 2020-11-05T19:43:36+00:00

Learn to love yourself. Learn to be okay with being single and alone just the same as if you're with someone. Expect nothing, and you'll never be disappointed. Treat women like people.

Bleakbreezies · 2020-11-05T20:29:34+00:00

I think what’s hurting you is that you’re looking into it too much as a study or practice. It doesn’t matter how much you study something if you don’t feel comfortable you’ll be unnatural or blank when you actually try to put it into action.

I would say to focus on what things you enjoy and where you like to go and rely on those places to build yourself up. Don’t try to see it as having to reach a goal by the end of the discussion, rather see it as just a conversation and see where it goes naturally. Even if one doesn’t go well there’s billions of other people on the planet.

MrMCalavera · 2020-11-05T20:36:18+00:00

I also went out for a couple of years before I started seeing results. I had to fix my inner game, namely My poor self-esteem. Once I did this I started to get results.

I did it through meditation, I used Holosync and still do to this day. Check it out, it changed my life for the better.

Meditation taught me self-acceptance and how to be present. When you are present, you can have fun. When you can have fun, you are attractive. Especially at clubs where fun is more important than anything else.

I still remember the turning point clearly. I was on the night bus, going home from the club, alone as usual. But this time something was different. I felt good even though I hadnt had any success or gotten any results. I had just gone out and enjoyed myself.

After this experience, I started to get girls from clubs.

The ability to have fun without needing any external validation or anything else for that matter drew women to me and made the sets much better. This came from 1. An increased level of self-acceptance and 2. The ability to be present.

Commit to meditating 15 min a day. Increase the time when you have turned it into a habit. It will help a lot!

WetCactus23 · 2020-11-05T20:38:42+00:00

You should try visiting a good escort sometime. They will make you feel like a winner and can teach you all kinds of sexual stuff. At the very least you will get your rocks of with a model-like woman.

Ps if you pick one with some compassion they are also very Nice to just talk to after.

Chichachachi · 2020-11-05T20:46:35+00:00

You've only met "hundreds" of women in 11 years? Whoa.

Coconut-Lemon_Pie · 2020-11-05T21:14:21+00:00

If you think you have Asberger's syndrome or are on the spectrum at all, there are lots of people that can help (possibly start with your doctor and getting properly diagnosed). You should watch 'Love on the Spectrum' on Netflix ( I cried on like every episode, it's such a great show!!!). There's no reason you can't find love too :) You might just need to adjust your expectations and start getting some practice in with women of any age/size/attractiveness -- it doesn't mean you have to stay with them forever, just get in practice. Find out ways to boost your confidence by trying out new hobbies/skills and get good at one you like. Join a club for that hobby/skill set and just meet new people that way instead of running around begging for attention. I can smell your desperation from here bro... I'm really sorry that you've been made fun of your whole life :( I hope you can find some friends that are in the same boat and try to build some confidence from there. I have no doubt there are many people in your same situation.

ALSO YOU DO NOT HAVE INFERIOR GENETICS! You just learn differently and everyone has the right to love and be loved.

Do Not kill yourself over this, it may be a more difficult road ahead, but I know you can do it. You have lots of perseverance. Don't give up, please.

PositivePizza420 · 2020-11-05T21:17:35+00:00

Have you tried marijuana for anxiety? It helps me tons and I remember some post a while back in another sub saying how some guy with asperger's found lots of relief in marijuana and made him feel normal.

2020-11-05T21:26:57+00:00

Purely out of curiosity, what do you look like ?

Bergatario · 2020-11-05T21:42:11+00:00

You don't need a girlfriend, you just need therapy (and a long weekend in Tijuana snorting blow from hooker's asses to get your confidence back up). As the Godfather said: You can act like a man!

AlienAstronaut · 2020-11-05T21:45:49+00:00

Highly recommend some magic mushrooms to help deal with a lot of that internalized trauma. Good luck brother

Bergatario · 2020-11-05T21:47:23+00:00

I tell you what's the matter with 99% of these self described losers with women. They don't realize that women wan't to date them, just not the supermodels they try to hit on. Plenty of normal girls out there that would be happy to go on a date and have sex with any half decent guy. If you ask these loser guys what type of girls they're hitting on, it's almost always way over their league. Online dating works. Hitting on horny milfs for wild sex works. What they don't tell you is that you've got to have something going on in your life. Besides, girls won't fix you. You gotta fix yourself. Hit the gym. Eat right. Get something cool going in your life that gets you in front of different type of people.

Jatacid · 2020-11-05T22:30:34+00:00

Look into EMDR therapy to process your previous frustrations they are holding you back. You fear failure because of past experience, so you expect to fail. And subconcious has a way of sabotaging our concious thoughts.

And stop attributing your value on your social status. Some people are just not social. We will very rarely 'fit in' and people are assholes. So just learn to be your own best friend - screw everyone else. You're a decent guy! You don't have to be the best at anything. There is beauty in happy wholesome mediocrity and not being caught up in the chase for superiority or excellence in any area.

When travel opens up again, go on a retreat with some nepalese Monks and learn the state of mind where you can be at peace with no desires in your life.

And - Harsh talk - but you may never find a girl, you may never find life-long friends. Embrace that fact because you'll be better off for it. Look into stoicism and fear-setting. Worst case scenario you just learn to live with yourself better and enjoy your life! I know one of my family friends he's like 80 years old and a hermit and never re-married since his 30s - but he makes pottery, he learns languages and talks to people in different countries and has friends all over the world and he's so happy in his own shoes that even the postman became one of his best friends. And if you find that life for yourself, other people will seek that energy from you.

People come and go in everyone's life. That's just how life works. Enjoy the interactions that you have as much as you can while they last and then let them go without attachment and without fear of loss. Your self-esteem can only come from you. No number of perfect social situations can change that. Even if you have a lucky streak of 20 perfect dates and friends, eventually you'll look for something else to judge yourself on.

lostin_mtl · 2020-11-05T22:37:32+00:00

Hey buddy, I'm sorry to read this. I do hope you dont give up. Life is full of mystery, you dont know where you will be or who you will meet in a year or 2. Let alone a week. A book I really like that helped me understand dating, is models by mark manson. Hope this helps, and if you need to just talk, feel free to reach out.

UnusualEngineer · 2020-11-05T22:58:29+00:00

Height?

Ethnicity?

2020-11-05T23:06:17+00:00

I’ve been in a similar situation, you should really listen to Eddie Fews and consider hiring him. He’s way different then all the other coaches, he’s changed mine and many others lives

SigmaKP · 2020-11-05T23:29:42+00:00

Hey bro, sorry to hear your story. I think I've been in your same position where I've focused too much on learning dating and seduction and that has hurt my results.

Man, I think the best advice I can give you is forget about all of this. You already know all the stuff. 11 years is a lot, your brain has all of the info. If you ask me you're focusing too much on this. Focus on you, on making yourself feel good. You're your own best friend, you're your mom, your dad, and your girlfriend. Fuck everyone else, practice some self care, think about how would your life be happy without girls in the picture. When you live a life like that, other people will naturally want to come to you (not only girls).

Also, I would say, surround yourself with people that inspire you and push you forward in life. Minimize or get rid of everyone else.

coracaodefrango · 2020-11-05T23:37:49+00:00

hey op. male here, 35 years, got my first kiss and gf when i was 34.

from 15 to 28 i struggled, got frustrated, complained at life, god and everything else. every birthday i thought, shit i failed again, i'll try harder next year, and god was i disappointed at myself, feeling like trash and a failure. when i really stopped worrying about that, i relaxed and could start talking better with women, friends, and everyone else.

about 28-30 years i thought, hey that's it, this is my life forever, i'll be the only single guy within my friends group. i realized that i would never have a gf and thought well, whatever, there's much more to life than this and i have many friends in shitty relationships so being single doesn't suck all that much. it is a half truth. i'm in a healthy relationship now, but i'd rather be alone than with any meaningless person.

at 31, i went to a new job and shortly after a girl my age joined my team. we became close friends and that's it, neither of us wanted anything else of it. she started dating a guy and broke up, and i sincerely cheered for her happiness with him all the while. she wanted to introduce her friend to me. and after about 3 years of being friends, things slowly changed and i asked her out. she accepted a month later. we've been mostly happy since then.

what i want to convey is, there's no secret recipe. i read some material about seduction as well and what worked with her was being myself, relaxed, not worrying about being judged on my every single move. and if tomorrow she leaves me, i may find another girl or i may spend my whole life single. and EITHER IS FINE. you sound like your whole life depends on getting a girl and man, it shouldn't.

hit me up if you wanna talk about whatever. i'm bad at answering quickly though.

Increible_Subnormal · 2020-11-05T23:55:54+00:00

How tall are you bro

tb12871287 · 2020-11-06T00:49:44+00:00

Bro I'm a fat fuck with bitch tits and I'm getting a little action..my advice to you is get on bumble and tinder and like everyone you possibly can. From there start talking to them...watch videos on YouTube MJ getright is good and ToddV is also good...

Once you match them talk to them get there snaps...I'm 25 so this works for me...and from there keep trying to escalate and them ask them out. Simple.

arkadylaw · 2020-11-06T01:20:30+00:00

Here are my comments

Nova0079 · 2020-11-06T01:27:43+00:00

As a woman we care less about being pickup and more about the approach... drop the cheesy pick up lines. Speech to us like people and not like someone you want to objectify even though you do save that for later. We like to be talked to in a sociable way. Ways ive been “picked up” by men has been so fucking creepy and scary. Like I’ve be stalked, followed, stripped with the eyes, cat called, randomly aggressively approach. The guys that have scored with me and getting my number spoke to me like a person and not a thing.

Charge36 · 2020-11-06T01:35:10+00:00

First off - this is the Suicide Prevention hotline. Talk to them if you're feeling suicidal. They can help you feel better. 800-273-8255

I certainly understand how it can feel to pour yourself into a skill and feel like you aren't progressing. I have studied game on and off for years with little to show for it. I saw the most improvement when I threw myself into 6 months of solo travel. I had to make new friends every couple of days and it really made me a master of approaching and breaking ice with people. Getting comfortable in social environments is key to come off as genuine, and I am very good at building comfort and rapport with new people I meet.

I am still working on building attraction, and have occasional successes which help me to realize how far I've come. But step one is definitely getting comfortable in your own skin so get out to a new club or improv class or something and get comfortable expressing yourself!

catkarambit · 2020-11-06T02:42:15+00:00

Pm me your face

keepturning1 · 2020-11-06T02:46:01+00:00

Quit your job, travel, move to another country and get some interesting life stories behind you. Make yourself interesting.

assman37 · 2020-11-06T02:57:25+00:00

Stop chasing women for a while. Pickup some hobbies. Try social dancing. Salsa and bachata.. Just become a part of something, chill and enjoy your life. When you feeling better than you can think about it again.

You hate yourself because your overly focused on one area of your life and your failing miserably. So find some other things to focus on. You will always fail with women if its the only thing you care about and are focused on. You need to get a life.

ShakaPiontkowskie1 · 2020-11-06T03:35:53+00:00

I have a very similar story to yours in some respects. I got into game after having being a painfully shy kid who had never had a girlfriend, barely even had a girl take an interest in me. I struggled to approach for 4 years, doing awkward opinion openers in sparse solo sessions because I had no wing and the mental immensity of it all wore me out too quickly to go out on a regular schedule. After 4 years of searching, I found a group of wings in NYC and they motivated me so much that I went out everyday for over 2 years and made very impressive changes in my dating life from where I started at but no lays, no relationships and no rotations of girls which hurt my heart to see, being that I worked a lot harder than many of the guys in that wing circle. I neglected everything else but game and it eventually took a toll financially, socially but most importantly, healthwise as I now had a health challenge that came from my neglect. I was so burnt out I barely did any approaches for almost over 2 years, in which I had slid back down to my original "skill set" because if you don't use it, you lose it. Here in 2020, I have spent 3 years trying to get back to the same spot I was in skill wise. I had never been as successful as many of my peers but their success has always motivated me to stay in the fight. Prioritize your health (mental, physical and spiritual) and please keep at it. I'm 30 years old now, I started this journey at 17 and I have yet to hit the zone I desire but I know I can't quit, as ridiculous as it sounds. I will reach the top of this mountain or die trying, and I know you will too. You've already shown how much you want this, keep pushing at it. I and every other guy with similar stories want to see you win, you deserve to win but please keep going and I, for sure, will be here to celebrate when you make it. Feel free to reach out to talk.

barelybreathing23 · 2020-11-06T07:52:13+00:00

The problem is that PUA is shit propped up by narcissistic ex-nerds turned into ~~internet marketers~~ PUAs.

PUA will make you stupid at relating to people because it attempts to reduce conversation to a process that can be learned and regurgitated on everyone you meet.

It will worsen your social skills in the long run because you'll always be thinking about conversation as a series of techniques and stages to get through.

OP is the goal to get laid often or a girlfriend?

eyesopen1111 · 2020-11-06T07:58:17+00:00

Well it’s loser-hour again on this subreddit with a guy who’s so shit with girls that he probably should consider suicide and the typical lame-ass advice to either (1) engage in inner self-development or (2) "hit the gym." This, of course, is lame ass advice that makes me want to explain in plain English a much more direct, simple, and effective way to think about seduction.

A good seducer is to sex like a good comedian is to laughter. Once you’re funny enough, you can make people laugh. They don’t intend to laugh. They didn’t know you could make them laugh until you did. It’s an emotional reaction. And sex is also an emotional reaction. So they are similar phenomena. Seduction is about getting people to sex the way comedy is about getting them to laughter. Notice neither seduction nor comedy really has anything to do with "hitting the gym" or your current proximity to self-acceptance and actualization. CLUE THE FUCK IN. They are just skill sets that can be used in many different contexts. From true love to fucking for fun, the context of seduction is up to you--once you learn to seduce. No need to go through philosophical inner game contortions or "hit the gym" fitness advice, just learn and apply effective seduction.

Cold approach pickup is pretty advanced game. The PUA community discusses it, so it grew to have a sort of status. But you guys don’t really have Game and few of you are really reading, studying, and applying yourselves to develop it, so cold approach is a low-success path to frequent rejections.

So start with something easier, OP, like social circle game. Get some experience. Get a good wingman. Prosper.

forseti_ · 2020-11-06T09:22:52+00:00

What's your job? You have 11 years of cold approach experience. Go into sales! Work hard - money problem solved.

What I found is that most pick-up advice is just enough to get you started. I heard about guys like you who do this for years without success. First if all - I admire your will power!

But to give you some advice. Have you tried stuff that noone told you before? I sometimes would just throw something at the wall and to see what sticks. Back then Tyler always said "never believe anything you read about pick up if you haven't field tested it" so I tested a lot over the years.

But don't be to hard on yourself. I would try a completely different approach. Find a therapist that you trust and work with him/her on some issues you probably have.

If you have done cold approach pick up for so long without success - did you look into social circle game? Learn this. Stop doing cold approaches for a 6 or 12 month and just focus on social circle game.

Oxidus999 · 2020-11-06T10:22:07+00:00

Come home, truecel. You should’ve given up 11 years ago.

nobody__just_a_loser · 2020-11-06T12:39:50+00:00

Your average redpilled alpha PUA artist.

2020-11-06T14:05:43+00:00

It's over man, time to jokermaxx and laugh at this clown world

Pakistanicurryboy · 2020-11-07T07:23:04+00:00

Take the blackpill

lossuspilled · 2020-11-08T13:24:18+00:00

you're ugly

mrkenzo1950 · 2020-11-19T22:26:27+00:00

I am going to give you the best resources to become a real honest sexual direct man.

DavidxDating.com, and all his videos on youtube.

Alan Roger Curry, all his books, all his ol dpodcasts, all his YouTube videos.

Rapid Escalation by Liam McRaem.

BadBoyLifeSryle.com, all his YouTube videos.

You have lots of material to study from. As you study go out and practice.

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