Women - do you judge your friends who engage in affairs with married men?

Missdefinitelymaybe · 2024-10-15T16:27:00+00:00

Cut Contact. I would find it difficult to remain friends with someone who lacks the self respect and awareness to engage with a married man. I just don’t want that type of person in my life. They are not loyal, and they do not care about hurting others. What is to say they won’t try to get with my partner just because they feel a spark and it is what they want at that time? I could never trust them.

I cut off a friendship because of it. I want nothing to do with people who can justify affairs with married men.

AngeCruelle · 2024-10-15T17:21:18+00:00

Doing that kind of shit would be an absolute reputation destroyer in my social circles and even if anybody is they're probably taking it to the grave

leosandlattes · 2024-10-15T16:57:29+00:00

Yeah I tell them they’re being stupid. However they are free to engage in this stupidity, that’s not “my business.”

I’ll probably hang out with them less tho - if she’s ok with stepping on others’ marriages, who’s to say she won’t be ok stepping on my relationship?

attendquoi · 2024-10-15T16:09:16+00:00

The only woman I know who's ever slept with a married man was my stepmom, and it was my father lol

fluttertutt · 2024-10-15T16:53:58+00:00

I never had a girlfriend do something like that. A guy friend of mine did however, a very close friend of many years. I did what I would have done regadless of their gender.

I told him that I think it's immoral and unacceptable, that he should know better and end it. He didn't so I distanced myself from him until he eventually did cut things off, feeling heartbroken that she didn't leave her husband for him. Why he would want to be with a cheater I never understood.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-10-15T16:06:52+00:00

Whether I'd break off the friendship would depend on how close the person was to me. Some newish friend that I've known for a year and isn't super close to me? Probably limit contact. Someone I've been friends with for 20+ years? I wouldn't kick them to the curb but I would have a serious conversation with them about how this isn't okay and that they need to end, even if it's just for their own sake.

EulenWatcher · 2024-10-15T17:44:06+00:00

I’ve never had a friend who would do it. If I had, I’d stop being friends with her. Cheating is unacceptable, neither is being an accessory to cheating.

CatallaxyRanch · 2024-10-15T16:33:42+00:00

I've never had a friend do this, that I'm aware of.

I would definitely judge her. Probably wouldn't end the friendship but would talk shit behind her back tbh

missmireya · 2024-10-15T16:52:04+00:00

Yes, but it was the other way around in the case with my former friend...I've mentioned this before in another thread-

She fucked around on her (now ex) husband of 6 years. She even got pregnant by this other man during the marriage and had his baby. The guy left shortly after she had the baby btw.

What's worse is that her ex-husband legally adopted her other kids when they got married. Even though they've been divorced for years now, he's still on the hook for child support until they all turn 18.

Anyway, to answer your question- Yes. I don't associate with people who don't have the same morals as myself.

apresonly · 2024-10-15T16:10:25+00:00

Yeah that’s repulsive

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2024-10-15T16:59:00+00:00

My friends never have but would cut the friendship off

Gillionaire25 · 2024-10-15T20:24:16+00:00

If they felt comfortable enough to brag to me about being a homewrecker, there would be such a fundamental difference in character between me and this so called friend that I couldn't keep associating with them. I would be annoyed I didn't see it sooner.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2024-10-15T16:14:41+00:00

I would cut communication with them because I have a set of standards I hold myself to and my friends would have similar if not the same standards.

It is said that you become like your 5 closest connections. If you surround yourself with 5 hardworking friends you will be the 6th like wise if you have 5 loser friends you will be the 6th.

SocrateandAthena · 2024-10-15T18:11:58+00:00

As amoral as it sounds for this very puritan audience, nope I wouldn't judge my friend for sleeping with a married man. She doesn't own anything to anybody, she's not the one lying and cheating. The man's mariage is not her responsability. I would have mixed feelings about this : sad for her because she sabotaging herself and will suffer when she realize the relationship is going nowhere, annoyed because if she's my friend I'm convinced she deserves better and is capable or a better judgement, and probably tired if she comes to me to complaint about this for too long and doesn't move on.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2024-10-15T16:19:34+00:00

Yup. It’s never happened before, but I’d judge them, advise her against it, and distance myself from her unless she showed an ability to change her ways and show remorse.

NothingOrAllLife · 2024-10-15T16:33:36+00:00

None of my close friends have ever been in affairs with married men. The acquaintances or friends of friends I had that were in that situation were all convincing themselves they were not breaking up a marriage. They would say that the guy was just waiting to serve divorce papers or something like that.

I think most of the time though, the women didn’t know the guy was married when she first got with him.

Sorcha16 · 2024-10-15T16:47:06+00:00

Yes, I absolutely would. I'd rather not be friends with them. Thankfully my friends don't do shit like that.

Trikger · 2024-10-15T17:14:31+00:00

"The sisterhood" falls flat when a woman doesn't support other women. To me, a traitor isn't a sister, regardless of who she betrayed. I'd tell my friend that she has to contact the wife and tell her what's going on.

p_fulga · 2024-10-15T17:23:39+00:00

Cutting the friendship off entirely depends on their actions after they tell me. Because I'm telling them to knock that shit off pronto and they better fucking tell that guy's spouse what happened. If there isn't any follow through, it's over, I'm not talking to someone with morals that piss fucking poor. Keeping people like that in your life serves only to make it worse.

Novadina · 2024-10-15T18:25:06+00:00

I had a friend do this once. She was young and always tended to be a bit gullible her whole life. He told her they were separated/divorcing, but it was obvious to me that wasn’t true. I tried to convince her but she didn’t listen to me. He also told her he wasn’t sleeping with his wife anymore (because they were separated) but that became an obvious lie when both my friend and the wife became pregnant the same week. She finally came to her senses at that point, got an abortion, and dumped him.

I did not stop being friends with her just because she isn’t the brightest bulb in the box.

Few_Advertising3430 · 2024-10-15T20:14:34+00:00

If it was a close friend, I would tell them my opinion if they asked me, I would be judging the act and not the person. I ended up distancing myself from a friend for that reason because she was flirting with a married guy. Well, she mostly distanced herself from me, she had the illusion that this guy is not cheater and just happened to fall in love with her and I could not enable this illusion.

But judgement does not make sense to me unless it’s a pattern, if anybody thinks they never did anything wrong in their life, they are lying. It does not have to be related to cheating, I have not cheated or dated a guy in a relationship, but nobody is perfect.

SmokeySunDrops · 2024-10-15T22:14:46+00:00

Found out a friend was lying about weekly girls nights to cheat with a married man.

All of us cut her off the day we found out It wasn't even controversial

RelativeYak7 · 2024-10-16T00:38:13+00:00

I speak to my friends and say: hey, why don't you get your own man? What's the point in taking some other woman's dude? He isn't some prize, he is a cheating cheater and liar. Do I cut the friend off? No, I've never done that. Just made sure she knows I am not on board with her ethical decisions and will keep it tucked away in my head to keep an extra eye on the lady when she's around my man.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-10-15T16:33:59+00:00

why is this my business

chalkandapples · 2024-10-15T17:12:17+00:00

Obviously I would judge her for it. I can't stay friends with someone that has such different values from me. No one in my life ever had any affairs or flirted with taken people as far as I know.

Difficult_Falcon1022 · 2024-10-15T18:55:23+00:00

It's never come up.

ExcelSpreadCheekz · 2024-10-15T20:49:12+00:00

I would judge and chastise her for it initially. Test that it's none of my business

YouHateTheMost · 2024-10-15T21:50:17+00:00

I would give her some tough love by telling her that this is destructive for everybody involved. That by wasting her time on hoping that a married guy leaves his wife (which is unlikely, we all know that men would rather stay in an unhappy marriage than get a divorce), she misses out on finding a good guy who would be full-on hers. Maybe would bring in my religion and tell her that "Thou shalt not commit adultery" is literally one of the Ten Commandments, and for a good reason.

If she dismisses what I'm saying... I'll wish her all the best and stay courteous, will accept that there's no point in trying to convince her at least as of now, but would still be there for her, trying to help her correct her moral compass.

Elliejq88 · 2024-10-16T01:17:04+00:00

Yep! Don't think I could be more than an acquaintance

6teeee9 · 2024-10-16T02:22:44+00:00

none of my friends have but if they did i would judge them

Sillysheila · 2024-10-16T07:18:12+00:00

I’d judge them hard. I don’t think I would be able to be friends anymore.

Direct-Alternative70 · 2024-10-16T08:53:07+00:00

I have one friend that is currently with a married man.

However everyone around us knows. His wife even knows.

If the wife didn’t know I may think differently but the wife knows, the kids know, everyone knows. It’s so normalized and being they have a different culture from me I truly don’t know how to think or feel about it.

DXBrigade · 2024-10-16T11:01:48+00:00

She remains my friend but I advise her against it.

prolixdreams · 2024-10-16T13:47:43+00:00

I don't have those kinds of friends, my friends are all normal, but in a situation where a single person is dating a married person who is cheating, I judge the married/partnered person 99% and the single person 1% regardless of my personal connection to them or their gender. After all, only one of them made a vow or has an obligation to another person in that scenario. (The 1% is because like, why? Honestly don't see what would be enjoyable about it.)

throwRA-lifeadvice · 2024-10-16T15:03:53+00:00

I wouldn't have that type of friend.

Old_Luck285 · 2024-10-16T21:04:55+00:00

If I was friends with both - the cheater and the cheated on - I'd give the cheater an ultimatum to tell their partner otherwise I'm doing it. I'm not becoming an accomplice, lying (by omission) to my other friends face.

If I don't know the other people personally, it's more difficult. I think it's important to note that cheating always takes two. So, it wouldn't only be my cheating friends fault but also her affair partner.

I think the best approach to convince people is by making them think and coming to their own conclusions.

I'd ask my friend what she hopes to gain from her affair. Because usually these stories don't end well, for none of the involved. Either you get strung along for years (because he'll never leave his wife) or you're cheated on yourself by a partner you acquired by cheating.

pseudonymmed · 2024-10-17T06:48:07+00:00

Yes I would judge a friend who did that. It hasn’t happened that I know of, but I would.

I have had an argument with a friend who started seeing a guy she thought was in an open relationship, but once it became clear he was actually cheating on his GF with her she still stuck around. She justified it as ‘I don’t know her and I’m not the one cheating’ but it’s still rewarding and condoning unethical behaviour.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2024-10-17T08:38:34+00:00

I wouldn't break off a friendship over something like this. And this goes for my male and female friends, and even if they were the taken party. I just don't think that is my business.

HappyCat79 · 2024-10-15T16:48:31+00:00

I would tell her that what she is doing is disgusting and that would likely end the friendship. I have no tolerance for shit like that at all.

abnabatchan · 2024-10-15T17:36:43+00:00

I actually ratted out my best friend over something like this once. and it wasn’t even a marriage, just a serious relationship.

but I should add, I literally knew all the people involved and all the details. like for example, I knew the guy was a total trash human, but the girl was super naive and crazy in love with him. he was her first ever boyfriend, and she would spend hours traveling from her city every week just to see him, but he was cheating on her with my best friend the whole time anyway.

of course if they were strangers and I didn’t really know much about the situation, I wouldn’t get involved at all.

-NeonLux- · 2024-10-15T20:22:44+00:00

My girlfriends from childhood that I've known for like 35 years? One girl I've been best friends with since we were 3. That's 39 years. No they are like sisters, they'd have to do something truly evil to stop talking to them. I wouldn't care who they slept with. If they were cheating on their own husband I wouldn't care unless they have kids involved and then I'd just give them a good talking to cause it's messed up to mess up your kids home life. I'm not friends with their husbands. None have done anything like that that I know of but if they did I imagine they'd have to have a reason. Why would I sacrifice what has been a good and loyal friend to me my entire life just because someone I don't know is upset?

Adult friends, like met as adults, then yeah, I get rid of any that are trouble.

ThatBitchA · 2024-10-15T16:03:30+00:00

Depends on our ages.

18-25 = no judgements. The times it did occur, the man lied.

25-30 = slight judgment, more caring and supporting her to move on because she deserves better. Both parties lied.

30+ = judgment. Blunt comments to end the affair. Both parties lied.

Caveats = if it becomes a pattern, I might end a friendship over it. If I know the man is married, I'll tell my friend.

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Title	Women - do you judge your friends who engage in affairs with married men?
Author	Goodgoy6969
Upvotes	13
Comments	156
Date	October 15, 2024 3:55 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1g4b2iv/women_do_you_judge_your_friends_who_engage_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-do-you-judge-your-friends-who-engage-in.1533130 https://theredarchive.com/post/1533130

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