Women generally do not react to appropriate displays of emotion with disgust and hostility.

OutOfOranges · 2025-04-11T19:31:44+00:00

Removed for violation of rule 8. Please familiarize yourself with the specific rules for debate posts.

FuuraKafu · 2025-04-11T15:51:21+00:00

Some men may exaggerate or act weirdly due to not being able to regulate emotions the best, ok. But you are pushing way too hard in the opposite direction.

Are women flawed human beings capable of being affected by gendered socialization? Yes. And that can mean weird hangups on confidence and strength in their men. I have no reason to belive this essentially never happens.

I mean men have a whole list of gendered bullshit and uniquely bad tendencies that women don't, meanwhile women are both "only human" and also everything remotely negative about them is a "lie". Come on. Shallow, self-centered, immature women are not THAT rare and these are all traits that can be various levels of subtle too and we tend to have blind spots towards them in ourselves.

justdontsashay · 2025-04-11T16:14:55+00:00

I think there’s some truth to this (that sometimes men describe being shamed for having emotions, and what actually happened is that they displayed emotions in an inappropriate way), but there’s a little more to it.

A lot of men universally make all other men feel less many for displaying emotion. Women will often say that we want a man who shows emotions and isn’t afraid to cry, but in practice we only feel that way when a man seems masculine enough overall.

So a strong, generally masculine-seeming man who cries over seeing a puppy graduate, that’s adorable. A man who is less masculine-coded and appears weaker overall, crying over something small can add to the perception of him being less masculine.

It’s not at all fair, and it’s something women (and men too) should be conscious of and work on correcting, because shaming someone for crying just fully sucks. I would guess that the men who have experienced this shaming from a woman they’re dating are men who are less stereotypically masculine. And the ones who have never experienced this and think it’s made up are men who appear strong and masculine in general, so they’re seen as strong man with a sensitive side.

ViolentShallot · 2025-04-11T17:31:31+00:00

In a now unavailable post (the postauthor blocked me for confident, masculine reasons), I told the story about how when my sister's puppy graduated puppy school I had a little cry for a minute or two. She was so happy! And wearing a little graduation hat!

No, you're right, that's within the approved manly tears that women gush so much about.

The part where you're trying to bullshit is the false dychotomy. It's not "completely irrelevant two minute display of harmless tears or inappropiate maladjusted display of violence".

I'll say there's a rule:

You're allowed to display very specific emotions -joy, love, endearment, "vulnerability"

In a very specific way -A few tears, "saying" it (how that's displaying baffles me)

For a very specific duration -A couple days at most, a week is pushing it-

For very specific causes -How much you love her, your fear of losing her, some sadness allowed-

To a very specific person -Her, else it borders on emotional cheating-

There's a few more caveats. If the emotion is negative and she's the cause, it's emotional manipulation.

So yeah, being proud of a puppy (cute crying) and showing it to her while keeping it brief and displaying it by crying, that's their fucking wet dream.

Now try a month of depression. Or hell, try breaking down crying because her behaviour is making you feel unappreciated. Try a display of anger that's not calmly stating "I am angry".

Go ahead. Give it a whirl.

ClarkCant06 · 2025-04-11T17:28:32+00:00

It's like there's a clear truth around women in-empathy that is displayed on this sub everyday. Idk why anyone continues to try to "convince" women they're inempathetic. We talk about conditioning all day but we turn a blind eye to how this affects how women treat men (anecdotally). IRL they're emotional bullies, and unreliable shoulders. It's ok, they're just girls.

TheAvocadoSlayer · 2025-04-11T17:29:22+00:00

In my experience, when men talk about women getting the ick, it’s over trivial things. Not something serious like punching a hole in the wall.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2025-04-11T15:49:41+00:00

I have never heard of a another mocking a man for showing emotions, I have had partners cry etc and it never made me think less of them.

Yes there are horrible women who will but do you really want to be with a woman like that?

SherbertDense1415 · 2025-04-11T17:11:15+00:00

Its more like "awwwwwwkwaaaaaard".

Yes women love when men act emotional about stupid dumb shit like a puppy school. Why the fuck would you cry about something so inconsequential like that, can't comprehend it.

If you are emotional about your own success, your own value, your own challenges with life, people, relationships, SEX, then bye bye "awwwwwwwkwaaaaard"

Parrotsandarmadillos · 2025-04-11T16:22:15+00:00

If she doesn’t love you after you expressed emotions to her, she never loved you. Redpillers are slow to grasp this concept

DeathcoreOnly · 2025-04-11T17:38:42+00:00

So men’s experiences with women don’t matter because, in your opinion, it doesn’t happen. Women’s narcissistic entitlement on full display

Just_Natural_9027 · 2025-04-11T16:31:15+00:00

Lie or not it really doesn’t matter. Dating is not adversarial. Some of you have a hard time grasping that.

Kaisern · 2025-04-11T17:31:31+00:00

There’s a reason you chose an example of being happy and proud rather than true vulnerability, which is what men actually complain about women denigrating and getting the ”ick” from

OffTheRedSand · 2025-04-11T15:48:14+00:00

idk i think some women out there do act weird when you open up to them and make you kind of regret it.

but i don't think it's a women's only thing, most people don't know how to react to a person in front of them venting or crying unless it happened before or they already know the script and go along with it.

but i think what's happening with men here is they hear about those couple of women who did react badly to their man expressing emotions and then assume all women are like that. but that's just because most men who will complain about their gf's reaction will come to reddit.
if someone does have a nice gf who love to hear him you will not know because why would he tell anyone? it sounds like braging.

the thing is also full of nuance, for example most men also don't know how to react to their male friends venting or crying, so it's not just women who don't know how to act to it.

also there's another type of men who expect their gf to be their emotional tampon and handle not just venting but thrown fits and so on. on these cases it make sense the woman is not into it.

i say all of this is a case by case thing and not that gendered.

caption291 · 2025-04-11T16:08:14+00:00

Why is the emotion you chose as an example a relatively positive one that has good rather than bad implications about you?

Generally, the complaint is that women react poorly to displays of vulnerability/weakness...you should be giving an example of that if you want to tackle the general problem instead of just hyperfocusing on a specific example about your girlfriend.

This seems to be way too focused on yourself and not focused enough on the general case. Were not your diary.

Mydragonurdungeon · 2025-04-11T16:20:31+00:00

Oh well case closed if you're experience isn't what others experienced they are wrong and you are right!

Wtf.

Who decides what a normal healthy emotional display is. Let's not be nebulous and dishonest and say "society" or something.

Within a relationship, it is the woman deciding what is an acceptable display of emotion.

When we look at it this way, your post is pointless because you're going "if you display emotions in a way acceptable to the woman you're with, she will accept that!"

Which is like... yeah? The issue seems to be that increasingly the acceptable range is becoming very small.

jazzmaster1992 · 2025-04-11T18:03:22+00:00

This is one of those things that happens to enough guys, I think. Most men I've talked to have expressed more or less that they feel like they have to act a certain way in order to get women interested, and keep them interested. And that expressing certain emotions makes them seem weaker and less attractive.

Of course, the argument to be made up front is that well, if you are unregulated and just emotionally vomitted to someone, it'll turn them off. And I can see that, to a degree. But I think it's also worth acknowleding that certain people have certain tolerance levels for these things. For the most part, I'm not one of those people who gets put off if someone has to "vent" or express any kind of emotional distress or weakness. I don't take it personal, and I don't feel like it means something is wrong with them, and I don't get turned off by it.

But I've learned over the years that many people simply don't have the same tolerance level for different kinds of emotional vulnerability, regardless of gender. At best, they simply don't know what to say, but at least won't walk away. At worst they actively get put off by those displays and will actually start to distance themselves and avoid you when you do it. I've learned this the hard way, as I sort of imagined most people would be able to tolerate the sort of things I would, and they wouldn't. I'll never forget one of my exes basically telling me that she felt so bad because I've always listened to her problems and supported her without judgement, and that the one time I needed the same, she pretty much just didn't want to.

Obviously this depends on the individuals, as well as the culture. Some cultures want you to be as vulnerable and blunt as possible, about all your emotions because it is seen as a more healthy expression. Personally, I wouldn't want to be with someone who I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around in order to keep them in my life. It doesn't meant they are bad people for not wanting me at my lower points; it just means we weren't compatible. But I think many men are reluctant to accept being alone for longer so they can find a partner who is more capable of accepting more of his qualities, because they don't want to be alone, which I also understand. And I can also wee why working on your emotional regulation is going to improve your life overall, and not just your relationships. That all said, I'm not sure I'd want to be with someone who expects me to "act" a certain way; I'd rather be able to just be, even if it turns off some people.

Vlad_The_Great_2 · 2025-04-11T19:37:11+00:00

My own personal experience. On three separate occasions I can remember, a woman I’ve known for over a decade said something along the lines of this. If my boyfriend cries in front of me for any reason, he’s a bitch and I will dump him. I’m disgusted by that mindset.

hakunaa-matataa · 2025-04-11T16:45:20+00:00

Because people love to put words in my mouth let me make the disclaimer: women do this too. Women are not perfect. It is not “okay when women do this”. Women should be held accountable for their shitty actions.

I genuinely think what a lot of this comes down to is that men don’t have encouragement to take care of their mental health the same way women do. I’m sure men have been told to “man up” where a woman is comforted. I do think men are taught from a very young age that their feelings don’t matter.

So what I think ends up happening is that (on AVERAGE, not all men) men swallow up their emotions until they get into a relationship, and then end up treating their partner as a psuedo-therapist. So these women get exhausted feeling like they’re the only source of emotional release for these men, and these men feel like they’re being forced to “suck it up”.

(Again, yes, women can do this too. Women can treat men as psuedo-therapists. They are wrong for doing that).

When I was with my ex (we broke up for entirely different reasons), he lost his close friend to a car accident. It was devastating for him. I comforted him, but he refused to reach out to anyone else (his Dad, best friend, etc.) because he wanted to appear strong and unbothered. I felt horrible for him, but it became exhausting for me after about a month in because he’d be pleasant to everyone else but then come home and treat me poorly because I was the only place he felt like he could exhibit how he truly felt.

So I think what happens is these men aren’t told that their emotions matter, so they don’t develop appropriate coping skills, and therefore when they get in relationships they unintentionally dump all their problems on their partner, who gets overwhelmed and potentially leaves, which reinforces this idea for these men that expressing emotions gets them abandoned. It’s a vicious cycle. I think if we put more effort into encouraging men to express their emotions from an early age, we’d be able to mitigate this.

Hungduck69 · 2025-04-11T15:54:25+00:00

Yep that's the blue there for sure. The issue is not one of expressing joy even in the cringe way you did. Some women out there are insecure and cannot handle the stress of someone else's emotions and problems being added to them. It definitely without a doubt has happened more than 5 times in human history, is that even a question lol

Superannuated_punk · 2025-04-11T16:05:37+00:00

“Appropriate” doing some heavy lifting there mate.

There are a significant number of women who panic at any man’s display of emotion beyond “angry” and “okay”

Women enforce toxic masculinity just as much as men.

captaindestucto · 2025-04-11T15:52:44+00:00

Anecdotes are anecdotal and distinctly different experiences can both be commonplace.

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Clean-Luck6428 · 2025-04-11T18:07:02+00:00

IME women only tend to tolerate as much emotional expression as their fathers showed them so it varies. Likewise this can also bias women against certain emotions like anger. If her father’s anger resulted in the daughter feeling unsafe, then she will tolerate little anger in her partner.

But I also think men who suffer from this aren’t assertive. If a woman responds inappropriately to my emotional expression, I will not hesitate to set the record straight and criticize her in a calm assertive tone for her inappropriate response and tell her what I need from her. So frankly I have never personally suffered from this issue.

skipsfaster · 2025-04-13T00:28:54+00:00

Because it's a take so reductive that it doesn't deserve criticism because it is self evidently wrong?

Peter_Andre_IQ · 2025-04-11T15:43:10+00:00

This example is silly. Women usually react bad when guys really have some breakdown ie. when they lose a job and do know what to do. What is the appropriate reaction in this case ? Don't worry be happy ? If you have mortgage to pay ?

Hoopy223 · 2025-04-11T15:56:21+00:00

It happens for sure. You could argue as to why maybe he made a big scene or maybe she was a jerk or whatever. It’s common enough to where guys openly talk about it.

Mysterious-Solid-646 · 2025-04-11T16:33:41+00:00

Ah, this argument again, where women are somehow the arbiters of good and appropriate behavior, but whether or not an action is “good and appropriate” is only ever defined by women’s reaction to it post-hoc.

Men really need to start identifying this specific type of blue-pilled argument more often. Blue-pillers can constantly amend this argument at will whenever it fails. This is exactly how they keep up the gaslight.

It’s so ridiculously common, and once you are able to spot it, you can easily dismiss 90% of blue-pilled arguments.

onetimeuseaccc · 2025-04-11T16:51:58+00:00

Your gaslighting will not work. We won't fall for it again.

Title	Women generally do not react to appropriate displays of emotion with disgust and hostility.
Author	Life-Income2986
Upvotes	7
Comments	285
Date	April 11, 2025 3:39 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1jwsvq7/women_generally_do_not_react_to_appropriate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-generally-do-not-react-to-appropriate.1549256 https://theredarchive.com/post/1549256

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