for people that were late bloomers in dating, is it normal or just common to have envy/resentment towards people who got to date and have relationships before they did or just people who got to date, have relationships around the typical societal norm of when people have their first relationship?

Jetpine9 · 2025-11-04T04:19:08+00:00

No. I was a late bloomer because I had to get over my own messed up childhood. I can't blame my peers for my own late start. I couldn't get out of my own head. I blame my parents a little, but they actually made some effort (1/2 assed tho it often was), they just didn't have a clue either.

It does suck and I do feel I missed out on a lot, but I don't blame my peers. They didn't do anything. If culture was a little different and being a shy male was more recognized and accepted as being more or less normal, that might be nice, but good luck with that.

cs_throwawayyy · 2025-11-04T04:17:34+00:00

These are natural feelings, never show these in public. Life is not fair. Always put on a fake face to get what your want in life, don’t get emotional.

WebNew9978 · 2025-11-04T06:59:54+00:00

Well I’m not sure if I’ll ever be late bloomer. I’ve accepted that I’ll die being forever alone and forever a virgin. It’s not envy/resentment but rather sadness and depression. Sadness in that I’m seeing everyone around me have a romantic and sex life. Depression in the fact that I’ll never be able to have such a life for reasons that I can’t control. Sadness in how people expect me to simply be ok with never having a chance. Depression in the fact that I have to live another 3-4 decades of a life without fulfilling those desires. Sadness that the only human touch I’ll ever have will come from my family members. Depression in that once those family members are gone, I’ll never be touched again. That’s what it really is. Sadness and depression.

Superb-Foundations · 2025-11-04T02:06:48+00:00

I think jealousy is just a normal part of life. I'm jealous when my friends have daughters. I adore my sons, but part of me always wanted a girl who i could do pretty braided hair, go to cheerleaders competitions, give my wedding dress, and teach about makeup. My neighbor got a new car, and I am jealous even though I have a perfectly good car that's not as pretty. I think jealousy becomes a problem when it becomes bitterness. If I hated my neighbor because she had a better car than me, that would be weird. If I talked to my friends about how awful having a daughter would be because I didn't have one and tried to ruin their experience, that would be bad.

I think emotions, almost any emotion, is ok and healthy. It's your actions that matter.

Sub90iqHimbo · 2025-11-05T04:11:54+00:00

Glowing up just made me resent women for a while, my personality hadn't changed in any way but because I was suddenly perceived as attractive women were suddenly very open to my advances.

And when you're that guy whos chest she rests her head on in the bed and you ask her those deep questions you realize that women never were special, they were never mysterious or hard to understand -- they're just shallow selfish humans just like everyone else.

I hate how while my mom was teaching my sister how to do makeup and how to pick a cute outfit she told me that "girls like sensitivity and a man that can support her in life.", my father wasn't helpful either by telling me that "girls like a man with a good job and big muscles.".

bluestjuice · 2025-11-04T02:58:06+00:00

I think that missing out on something that you wanted and can’t recover is a pretty natural thing to feel envy and grief over. Resentment is probably also somewhat natural, though it seems more directed at individuals who didn’t specifically do something to you, they just had an experience that you didn’t, which is probably unfair to them.

I myself wouldn’t be too worried about whether these feelings were normal (I think they are), but about how I was handling them and what impact they were having on my current life. It sounds like they might be constraining you in the present moment so that’s what I would focus on.

Dk1902 · 2025-11-04T03:11:47+00:00

I have a bit of regret about high school, because I wonder what kind of friends and relationships I might have formed if I hadn’t been so painfully shy. In my early 20s there was also resentment about why guys always need to approach, why I couldn’t just be shy and still get a gf, etc.

But in my early 20s once I started actually being proactive about it, going to events, talking to people, and reaching out to others, even though I got rejected a lot romantically I stopped complaining to myself about how “unfair” it is that guys always need to approach and why it’s so easy for others but difficult for me I have much fewer regrets.

I think actually doing something about it rather than just complaining took away a lot of the resentment. I was still sad when alone, but not as resentful.

Now my wife is the most amazing person in the world for me, and I realize that if I’d had more success when I was younger I may not appreciate her as much as I do. In 100/100 lifetimes I would choose to experience that resentment if it meant ending up with her. So in some sense I can’t help but be grateful if that makes sense.

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-11-04T03:16:20+00:00

I’m jealous of a lot of people about a lot of different things, but can’t say I “resent” anyone who hasn’t actually done anything to hurt me or someone I love.

I missed 90% of the teenage life experience because I was homeschooled, and yes, it’s still something that haunts me. The memories I don’t have, who I could’ve been without that massive setback in my development, how there’s no way in hell I’d do that to my kid, etc. But do I resent people who went to school and had friends and grew up at a normal pace? No. If anything, I resent my parents for it, but that’s something I’ve had to work past too.

So in my view at least, it’s normal to feel envy and sadness related to being a late bloomer or missing some sort of common experience in life. But resentment and anger toward people who haven’t actually done anything to you, no not really.

Timosox · 2025-11-04T07:08:32+00:00

I also lost my virginity at 28. I try not to be envious and resentful, but it's hard not to be. My friends find dates, sexual partners and relationships so easily, they barely have to try to get sexual validation. In the almost 3 years since my partner broke up with me, I've been on 2 first dates. Both of them over a year ago. I try and I try and I try, but I just can't get anywhere

92friendlessvirgin · 2025-11-05T02:11:46+00:00

Resentment no, but envy and a feeling of missing out, of course.

As a 33M virgin who has never been in a relationship and starting dating for the first time this year, I've realized I will never have that "finding myself" phase of dating where I get to take things slowly and find out what my actual dating preferences are. The only women who will go on dates with me are looking to settle down and get married ASAP and see me as a stable provider basically. They've all had a bunch of exes, of course. I don't resent them for having normal lives. At the same time, I also have to lie to them about my past, because I know if I'm fully honest about having zero experience I'm 100% guaranteed to die alone, while if I tell some white lies about having had a previous ex or two, I still have a chance to make it out.

Mission-Jicama-8747 · 2025-11-04T01:58:17+00:00

I regret not prioritizing what women actually value earlier, I didn't really care if the woman I dated had sex before, I only cared if I got what I wanted, including the sex I wanted.

I suppose I regret not being able to experience relationships in a lower stress environment as when people get older literally everything is more difficult and the amount of human trash in the dating pool rises.

Fancy-Scallion-6682 · 2025-11-04T15:17:40+00:00

I don't know if I count because I haven't lost my virginity yet. But I kind of do in the abstract. Like I definitely am envious of people who got to date and have sex when they were younger. But that's in a very general, abstract sense. I don't ever feel that envy or hatred for individuals I know. Like I have friends who were very early bloomers and I feel no resentment for them, whatsoever.

Alternative_Cod2280 · 2025-11-04T20:42:04+00:00

No, it's pretty normal to feel envy and frustration for something you missed out and resentment when you see other effortlessly enjoy or even abuse it, telling you it's not that important when you know they wouldn't last at your place.

I simply hate the whole idea or concept of love.

aslfingerspell · 2025-11-04T05:08:44+00:00

I don't resent people who got it earlier. I regret myself for not realizing what an utter boon high school and college is.

It is almost impossible to imagine any situation in the "real adult world" where you will be so consistently surrounded by single people your age of the opposite sex.

Expectations in general are lower and the playing field is more even. People are in their first relationships or haven't had too many. There is less baggage, and even a "nasty" breakup at that age is not a contested divorce. Gender roles are arguably looser: a 16 year old boy is not a loser if he doesn't have a job and doesn't pay for the entire date.

All the usual advice like "get a hobby" or "self-improve" also pays more dividends. Men who want to gain muscle are at the height of their testosterone. There is more free time to pick up a skill. Adult hobbies are more complicated, because people live farther apart and have to pay their own way. As a kid, there is no 20 minute drive, but a 2 minute walk to the field house.

There are also more people in the hobbies due to resume-building incentives, scholarships, class credit, and the social shame of letting parents or classmates down.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2025-11-04T03:54:43+00:00

I personally don't have any envy or resentment about dating early because I didn't see a single relationship worth even having. The guys my friends dated were tragic and all of them make fun of their highschool and early college boyfriends now. I couldn't think of a single guy in my highschool that I'd have wanted to go on a singular date with.

I do regret not having kinky sex as a young adult though. Just to see how far I could push it. But I was afraid of men and that I would get into a bad situation so I refrained. Aside from that I was busy having fun with friends I don't have much in the way of regrets.

Traditional_Lab1192 · 2025-11-04T03:13:56+00:00

What was the article that you wish that you never read? I’m just curious

Turbulent-Company373 · 2025-11-04T15:59:10+00:00

I can relate to the same as you since I lost it in my late 20s just around before 30. I was the only male out of all females in my family such as siblings and cousins. I was supposed to be the family's last name carrier. Anyways, my sister and all of my cousins lost their virginities and married many years earlier. It seemed like I was the last in many things. They all have children, I don't. Even my cousin's children were ahead of me. I guess I am more upset with my family dynamics than with school or work peers even though it was also upsetting that they made fun of me when I was a virgin. It didn't help that being bullied at a young age at school has had a part in affecting my social life resulting in isolation, anxiety, depression, mistrust, etc. Since I am around 60, this happened many years ago. I also feel that I have some shock from going from nothing for almost 30 years to the opposite within just 10 years of everything and anything and then settling down afterwards.

AreOut · 2025-11-04T17:55:50+00:00

from my 16 up until 26 I had 3 relationships in total lasting around 3 years so majority of time I was alone, my age peers didn't like low status me but instead a lot of them went for older guys and now those same women are advocating against age gaps and wondering why I don't even look towards them

ResentCourtship2099 · 2025-11-04T01:58:26+00:00

Well…who is being hurt by your bitterness and resentment? That’s right, just you. How is that working for you? Is it making your life and relationships better? Is it giving you peace and contentment?

And no, other people who had a more typical romantic trajectory absolutely do NOT deserve to suffer for your experiences and mental and emotional disregulation. That’s not the point. The point is that you are torturing yourself in a self feeding self destructive loop.

This is where CBT / DBT therapy can really truly help. Negative self feedback loops, sadness cloaked in rage, false triggers, toxic self talk etc. are all taking you even further from what you want and you’re doing it to yourself. Those people living their lives aren’t doing anything to you.

Take a breath and make the decision to do something for yourself. Make a commitment to yourself to get professional help to break the feedback loop and learn how to stop the self sabotage. It’s not normal or healthy and you CAN stop, you just need the right help and tools to do so.

Master-Praline3326 · 2025-11-04T07:25:53+00:00

I do, i do.

Substantial_Video560 · 2025-11-04T09:11:44+00:00

I've never really had envy/resentment towards people who got to date and have relationships because I've always been somewhat of a misfit and outsider who was never like most people. I don't feel the need to fit into society in all honesty, so care little about all that stuff.

Being like I am makes me different and with that strong sense of character and individuality comes confidence.

leefjk · 2025-11-04T16:49:54+00:00

I think the bitterness ceases not when you have sex once, but when you find someone who will have sex with you consistently, or you're able to have sex consistently with new partners.

Logical_Breadfruit49 · 2025-11-04T17:18:46+00:00

Yup. Can absolutely relate. Still, it's better to eventually be intimate than to never be intimate at all, which is a reality for many men and women out there.

Kp675 · 2025-11-04T22:55:25+00:00

I think it's normal to feel a little envy or resentment. I know I do. I'm also not the most mentally healthy though. I think it depends how much resentment you feel and do you let it take over your life. Also don't treat others bad cause of it or show your anger

NiaNia-Data · 2025-11-04T02:30:59+00:00

Yes. 23yo virgin. Resent the fuck out of people who got to have everything I was promised with none of the effort.

RidingRedHare · 2025-11-04T05:02:40+00:00

I never was interested in hookups and I never was interested in shitty, dysfunctional relationships. Am I supposed to envy the 16 year old who had to drop out of school when she got pregnant? Am I supposed to be jealous of the 22 year old who moved in with his girlfriend he did not even like?

My buddy whose fiancée cheated on him a few months before the scheduled wedding date? The 23 year old who decided not to have an abortion when the sperm donor promised to raise the child together, only for the same sperm donor to completely disappear before the child was even born?

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-11-04T03:04:14+00:00

It’s unattractive to be resentful, bitter, and focused on the past

mcmlxiv1 · 2025-11-04T01:47:03+00:00

I wish you could fix your title and post, it’s a hard read my man. I would say that for me it was tough when I was younger but I feel lucky because a younger me would get rekt by women even harder.

I think us guys really over romanticize dating women, it’s a lot of work, pain, and trouble. Yes there are good times but past the first few months it’s really not that great.

And for the guys I know that got sex and relationships when they were younger many of them got addicted to it and became super bums.

Kapoue · 2025-11-04T06:46:22+00:00

Teenage sex is not that great anyway. Lots of awkwardness and difficulty to express what you like or want.

Besides, you can always make up for lost time by having a proper hoe phase in your 30s!

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2025-11-04T07:28:09+00:00

You need to let go of resentment and jealousy it only hurts you.

I used to feel this way about people who were doing better than me, had better jobs bigger houses etc. once I learnt to let it go I was so much happier. I used that energy to improve my life where I felt it was lacking and my mental health improved so much now I’m so happy and grateful for where I am in life.

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JosueTheWall · 2025-11-04T16:59:54+00:00

Yup, I have dealt with the same thing. It took me a while to realize that a huge part of my problem was the trauma from childhood that just ruined me emotionally.

harmonica2 · 2025-11-04T19:34:16+00:00

I was a late bloomer in dating , and I had some jealousy and resentment at first , but now i'm like the only person who has a relationship that lasted later on in life when almost everyone else i know has gotten divorced or it hasn't we worked out. so it seems like just because you're a lame bloomer doesn't mean things will always be bad for sure.

Vaudeville_Clown · 2025-11-04T20:50:16+00:00

Envy, no. Not at all. It would be a normal thing to feel given the situation, but I am not normal so...

It's got nothing to do with moral character, life philosophy or anything like that. I'm fundamentally incapable of comparing myself to other people, which come to think of it, was probably a strong reason for the difficulties I had. But then you just can't get jealous either.

Culture and norms? That's another thing. I didn't feel the pressure from it because again, I couldn't relate. Which again, also made it harder to really level with others sometimes. On the plus account, things like commercial messages or ads could never get to me. Almost like meaningless abstractions.

I don't know if someone could purposefully become that but if you did, if you could be me, you wouldn't have any resentment or envy.

The caveat would be that you'd feel way more disconnected from other people, much more often probably.

I started at 29 by the way.

DGenerationMC · 2025-11-05T02:31:43+00:00

It's within normality but not exactly healthy or productive in any way.

brentifil · 2025-11-06T11:31:58+00:00

It sucks. I think if the lies would stop. "You're good enough the way you are". "someone will love you for you". "Just be yourself" These lies are ruining young men. Granted kids dont listen anyway, but I'd like to think if someone told me to own my shit work on myself and body to be someone worth desire. it might have made a difference.

Big-Sir7034 · 2025-11-06T17:57:46+00:00

I wasn’t as late as that, but my peers were doing a lot of stuff at age 16 (that’s the age of consent in my jurisdiction). This was during secondary school and college (not uni). Meanwhile I was pretty oblivious to all the social dynamics that were going on around me. I just enjoyed chatting to people when conversation arose but didn’t really go out like that.

Well, whilst I’m in uni, I catch up with an old buddy and he tells me all kinds of scandalous sauce that was happening at the time, including cheating, dicey relationships and a bad case of Herpes going around the Sixth Form cohort. Very glad I didn’t engage in that stuff back then for sure.

But also, even separate from that, people who have a lot of sex also tend to have a lot of bad sex at first. To have good sex you do have to kind of sync with your bed fellow to some extent. That’s not to say that they haven’t had a lot of good sex too, but what I’m saying is that you see just a snapshot of an individual’s life. And equally, from the experienced person’s perspective, there are plenty of experiences that they would say are a waste of time or which have not been fruitful. For them, they may regret not pursuing a different person or not pursuing someone with more commitment or maybe they regret just chasing after sex generally when they could have been doing other things.

Both-Bridge6643 · 2025-11-06T21:38:03+00:00

I haven’t even bloomed. Of course I feel bitter and envious and tired about it.

To see the same people who relentlessly bullied me for a decade for being autistic or being a special needs kid either be able to have several flings or be in long-term relationships?

Meanwhile, with all my autistic issues, I have to keep fighting so hard just to manage to survive?

How could I not feel this way?

wtknight · 2025-11-04T16:42:04+00:00

I don’t think that it is. I’m one of those people who think that just doing something valuable once should be good enough for people. I’d be fine having sex with only one person and only one relationship ever in my entire life. People who seem to need more than that seem greedy to me.

On the other hand, I can understand both virgins or people who have never had a relationship at all being bitter.

anotsmallthing · 2025-11-04T04:36:20+00:00

Idk if it’s normal but it’s definitely stupid. Focus on now not the past

anewleaf1234 · 2025-11-04T07:38:48+00:00

Why?

It doesn't help you. At all. Those ideas just lead to more negative outcomes.

So yes, there is a girl I could have slept with if I play my cards right. And yes, that can suck.

But those ideas don't help you. They just set you back.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2025-11-04T08:36:29+00:00

No, it's not normal. Why would you envy previous failed relationships?

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-11-04T07:11:00+00:00

Thanks for your honesty. This is normal because you see some kind of injustice toward access to sex. People do the same with money. I think you should replace resentment by admiration. It won't change the past at all but it will make you a lot happier and will make you even curious about what make people succeed. It's not us against others but us WITH others

Swithching your POV will help a lot

mcglothlin · 2025-11-04T22:59:00+00:00

You can't change the past but "I see myself being forever hurt mentally and emotionally about this" is a choice. You can decide what to do with your feelings going forward, and being bitter and resentful about this forever is just going to give you a whole lot more years that are worse than other people's or worse than they need to be. Maybe try making your future something to envy and then just feel good about that?

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-11-04T17:51:55+00:00

yes it is normal for losers to have bad character

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