When Does Male Virginity Become A Red Flag?

ChadChasingBReturns · 2025-12-31T13:59:01+00:00

I don’t think virginity is a red flag. I was a virgin until marriage and married the same. I wouldn’t have dated someone that had sex. I wouldn’t have dated a man that was only a virgin because he couldn’t find sex either. The reason matters.

Big-Bodybuilder-5035 · 2025-12-31T05:21:14+00:00

After like 25 and that's pushing it

justdontsashay · 2025-12-31T04:01:49+00:00

A man’s lack (or abundance, or anything else) of experience doesn’t have an impact on my opinion of him. His attitude about it can, though.

A man who views his lack of experience as women’s fault in any way is not a man I would choose to spend any time with.

DenverKim · 2026-01-01T08:16:09+00:00

This is going to vary drastically depending on who you ask.

For me, it becomes a problem when it defines his identity or causes him to behave in extremely insecure ways. It’s also a problem if it’s for religious reasons because I am not a religious person and I refuse to date people who are.

That said, I’m a 43-year-old woman and I would never date a virgin because I’m just too old to do so. But when I were younger, I wouldn’t have cared that much… In fact, I didn’t really make it a habit of asking men whether or not they were virgins… If they wanted to announce that information, that’s fine and I wouldn’t have had a huge problem with it… again, as long as he himself didn’t have a problem with it. If he acted like he were desperate just to get laid, regardless of who it was with, then that itself would be a turn off… Not the fact that he were a virgin.

But ultimately, nobody knows if you are a virgin, unless you decide to tell them. And typically, there’s not a set age where it becomes a problem… The fact that you are a virgin is not generally going to be an issue with most women, but the reason behind why you are and how you behave because of it might be.

Emergency-Sell-6713 · 2025-12-31T07:15:02+00:00

It's not a red flag. Men can have incel behavior even tho they fucked a ton of women. Men can be underrated gems that for some reason were left untouched by other women. Who fucking cares about the number of pussies they had it's their attitude that counts.

Disastrous_Agent9307 · 2025-12-31T03:57:46+00:00

I mean, now that I'm married, I can't imagine if God forbid something happened with my husband I'd go for a virgin dude. I'd feel like he kind of deserves to have all those first experiences with someone else who hasn't been through the ringer and been married and all that. He deserves a woman with more similar baggage and fewer miles so to speak.

I don't think it's ever a bad thing, I think never having dated or been in a relationship is the issue. The lack of sex isn't the worrying factor at all. I'd say after college age so like 22ish not having any dating experience or relationship experience is the dubious part regardless of reason.

I never looked at the virgin thing so much as what his sexual values, interests, relationship experience, and dating experience is...and that was pretty much at all ages.

I wish my husband had less experience honestly, but I love him and ultimately it's not the worst thing to have some extra miles there. I think he may have wished I'd had more experience, but he loves me and ultimately it's not the worst thing.

You're looking for someone compatible, not for everyone to agree you're ok.

kmb218 · 2025-12-31T06:51:37+00:00

I would not consider it a red flag until about 25. The reason matters though. If it’s just chance / timing, that’s fine, but it it’s a religious reason, that would be a red flag for me (not something bad in general, but I don’t want to date someone extremely religious).

After around 25, I would be a bit worried about the guy being bitter / red pill, so I would take a closer look to whether he’s a feminist or if he has some red pill attitudes. If not, then being a virgin is fine.

Siukslinis_acc · 2025-12-31T03:50:17+00:00

It becomes a red flag whem the man foes not shut up about it and constantly blames stuff on them being a virgin.

Traditional_Lab1192 · 2025-12-31T03:54:26+00:00

If we’re both past the age of 30

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Objective_Ad_6265 · 2026-01-01T16:07:04+00:00

Never. Failed relationships are red flags.

Sonia314 · 2026-01-03T11:24:04+00:00

Virginity in itself isn’t a turn off. It’s the lack of skill and confidence that often accompanies it that is the problem. If I was on a date with a guy in his 30s and I learned he was a virgin, I wouldn’t bat an eye regardless of the reason (if he's on a date with me he's not saving sex for marriage anymore). If he was bad at sex however, that would be a big problem regardless of his experience. The thing is sexual prowess is remarkably uncorrelated with sexual experience. There is so much you can learn through workshops, porn, fantasies, books etc. Also, charisma, confidence, empathy, and other skills important for sex can transfer to sex when they are built into someone’s personality in general.

This is something I have personal experience with. I had a fairly normal sex life in my early twenties, but then didn’t have sex for a decade. When I started having sex again a year ago, I didn’t remember enough of what sex was like to be informed by my experience, but I’d studied sex so much over that decade that I was objectively very good at it even from the beginning. My freinds with benefits have been men famous for being good at sex. So I wouldn’t assume that a guy isn’t good just because he doesn’t have experience.

I encourage anyone else in the position I was in to utilize the many resources available to become good at sex without hands on experience, and feel confident in their ability to be good at it right off the bat when the time comes if they’ve put in enough study.

januaryphilosopher · 2025-12-31T09:15:59+00:00

It's not a red flag to me. Maybe it would be if he was waiting for marriage or something, but if the opportunity just didn't come up or he didn't want to then I don't care.

Rule_Number_7 · 2025-12-31T15:49:48+00:00

I would actually prefer it, and I wouldn't write a guy off if the reason was because he'd yet to meet anyone. I prefer to make my decision based off getting to know him myself. I also know that my opinion is not going to be shared by many people.

LaFrescaTrumpeta · 2025-12-31T04:07:47+00:00

imo it’s only a problem if it’s a symptom of internal issues like low self esteem -> low confidence -> worsened social skills and/or avoidant tendencies. someone who just doesn’t care that much for sex or who’s abstinent for personal principled reasons, or who does want sex but it just hasn’t happened and they don’t let it impact their sense of self, they’re probably all doin fine. i’d say the same for hypersexuality as a symptom of internal issues. ig this is a long winded way of saying “the ‘why’ matters”

cezzy15 · 2025-12-31T04:24:05+00:00

If you’re over 30 and have no experience at all not even kissing then I might be a little concerned as to why but it’s not a dealbreaker. The difference in experience could potentially become an issue if he has hangs ups over stuff.

It’s more about his attitude towards me and women in general, that tells me a lot. If you blame women for all your troubles and have a general bitterness towards us then no…it’s never going work! I know not everything works out in life like you’d hope or expect, so I won’t judge anyone harshly for their lack of experience.

DenverKim · 2026-01-15T18:32:10+00:00

I’m aware that there are multiple reasons why someone might be a 43-year-old virgin. And I never said that means they are a bad person, I specifically said the opposite. Someone could be an absolutely wonderful person, but still not compatible with me as a romantic partner.

I challenge you to give me one single reason why a person would be a virgin at 43 years old… One single reason that would not instantly rule them out as being someone that I want to date, marry and merge my life with.

There is literally not one reason I could think of that would indicate that he is the kind of man I am looking to commit the rest of my life too.

Is he too shy, too insecure, mental health problems, etc? All deal breakers for me.

But luckily, there are some women out there who won’t view it this way… there are some women who won’t even bring it up or ask him about it because they don’t even want to have sex until marriage. He can go find one of them. Not all women are the same, you know.

theminxisback · 2026-01-01T10:05:59+00:00

I prefer men with little to no sexual experience. They tend to be more willing to listen and learn. Ten times better in my personal experience.

Then again, I have a thing for firsts. Huge fetish of mine.

Coastkiz · 2025-12-31T17:28:09+00:00

No. Granted I've only dated under 30 so far, but I've dated guys who haven't and guys who have. It doesn't really matter to me. They seem to care about it a whole lot more. If anything, I'd rather not have to worry about being compared to an Ex (which has happened twice and SUCKS, I don't know her, why do this??) So I'd honestly say if anything, I'd prefer a guy with less experience or none if I had to pick.

Tylikcat · 2026-01-03T00:11:38+00:00

This is a question that hasn't come up for me any time recently... but I'm in my fifties. Admittedly, I get hit on by a lot of guys in their thirties when I'm out, but they're mostly fairly experienced? (In sex, perhaps not in relationships, and they're still too young for me.)

Guys my age... well, I'd want to know why, because it's really rare. I'd almost expect "I've spent the last twenty years in a zen monastery". Which might be interesting.

Mysterious-Lab-7408 · 2025-12-31T04:00:37+00:00

I don’t care if a man is a virgin at any age. The red flag would be his opinions and attitude about it. In what context is he bringing it up? Does he blame someone else or a group of people for his lack of sexual experience? And most importantly, does he think virginity is significant in any way? If the answer to those are yes, it’s a red flag.

jorts-enthusiast · 2025-12-31T04:08:24+00:00

I don’t think it’s ever a red flag, unless the person is obsessed with the fact that they’re a virgin and they blame it on everyone around them.

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2025-12-31T06:38:39+00:00

As long as I was attracted to him and he wasn't very annoying about his virginity then we're cool or we could at least attempt a relationship. Absolutely 0 chance of a hook up though.

does a man’s lack of sexual experience have an impact on your perception of him as a potential partner

Yes.

is there a particular age where you feel this transition from a personal detail or quirk into a potential red flag ?

If was normal in everything else then this is just a fun fact about him. ( After 30 yellow flag though)

Does the context such as whether it was a personal choice, religious reasons, or simply a matter of timing change your outlook

Yes .

Part of my background is that I grew up in a very religious community. A lot of my friends married as virgins to other virgins ( Them being each other's one and only was important to them) The men that were virgins were normal partly bc they were volcels, which shaped how I see older male virgins now.

I myself didn't break my virginity until 26. So I think that background influenced my mindset.

Is there is a certain point where you believe the gap in experience becomes a significant hurdle in a relationship.

No I think mindset would be the significant hurdle not experience. We can learn each other fairly quickly especially if we both enthusiastically and genuinely want too and try too.

Corbast7 · 2025-12-31T21:20:38+00:00

If someone is a virgin at an unusual age I’d really only care to know why he’s unusual. If he’s a virgin because he’s super religious, has bad views of women, is way too passive in life, etc. for example those are all things that would make me not interested in him.

Windmill_flowers · 2025-12-31T15:14:00+00:00

18

17 in some states

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-12-31T15:51:32+00:00

th evirginity is not the issue, the issue is WHY he hasnt had sex or a GF

Title	When Does Male Virginity Become A Red Flag?
Author	thetruemaxwellord
Upvotes	34
Comments	202
Date	December 31, 2025 3:46 AM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1q02xtx/when_does_male_virginity_become_a_red_flag/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/when-does-male-virginity-become-a-red-flag.1570073 https://theredarchive.com/post/1570073

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