Q4A: What advice would you give to people of your opposite gender in order for them to succeed in dating?

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-04-08T14:40:23+00:00

AFTER looks and style maxxing, be social and fun, and NEVER speak to attractive women like a friend, anywhere at any time, always be gaming always be in that mode with women. as soon as youre on the friend tip youre dead in the water

WestsideMoonWalker · 2019-04-08T15:59:55+00:00

I'm a guy saying this, but it worked on me.

Be fucking weird and embrace it. Do so by making strange noises and squishing anything that is even remotely squishy about your partner.

Also, get a cat, and when it wants things and meows at you, meow back. It's funny because they get offended but then you give them what they want and they are so happy.

Note: this advice is cat friendly as well

Five_Decades · 2019-04-08T16:29:21+00:00

I could write a book for guys on how to attract women, or what women want to hear from them. God, it's so fucking simple.

Guys, start going for girls that are in your league first. Whenever I help my guy friends out with their specific female, they show me a girl with 5000+ instagram followers, like a 7 or 8. She doesn't respond to his texts with more than one word, seems uninterested in him in general. Like.. dude, no wonder. If you want 7's and 8's, you gotta be comfortable reeling in 4's and 5's, especially when you are a 5 at best.

rus9384 · 2019-04-08T13:15:21+00:00

Men should not be listening to women and women should not be listening to men.

flamingoinghome · 2019-04-08T11:59:51+00:00

As a woman to men:

Ask women out on dates. All this talk of dating, and yet it rarely comes up. If you've met a woman and find her attractive, ask her on a date. Not "hang out sometime", a straight-up date. Pick an activity/location. If she says no, it's okay to be disappointed, but keep on walking. Fish in the sea, etc.

Also, go outside and talk to people. Build a social circle. Even if you don't meet women through your social circle, the simple fact of having one is important.

Escitalopram111 · 2019-04-08T11:22:47+00:00

As a man to girls:

Download Tinder, swipe to find a suitable partner
If step one fails, lose weight, learn to dress and use makeup better and go back to step one.

This process has a 99.9% succes rate.

carrawayjames · 2019-04-08T13:33:26+00:00

Advice for men: you're admired for what you do not who are. So it's best you learn how to get the things you want early compared to later.

Advice for women: Be stricter with your screening processing

[deleted] · 2019-04-08T14:32:06+00:00

I think great advice for everyone would be to hit the gym, lose weight and build muscle, and take care of their bodies. Now the great thing is everyone won't follow it, which means following it and just sticking with it will you give you some natural advantages. You don't need to be made of muscle, just be healthy and fit, take care of your diet.

Also, if I think about it more, this question is fundamentally flawed. When I thought of other advice I'd like to give women, I realised its all things that make men more attractive, like focus on your career, that doesn't fundamentally improve a woman's SMV but does for a man as he makes more money and has more options. I'm approaching it from the male imperative, and women from women, so while the girls on PPD may be more aware (some of them), they are almost always, which is realistically to say always, every single time, incapable of giving men advice that would work for them, and vice versa.

poppy_blu · 2019-04-08T13:31:45+00:00

Don’t take advice from manosphere dorks.

I mean you wouldn’t take financial advice from a broke dude would you?

J_Milton_Jr · 2019-04-08T12:32:47+00:00

Form a woman to men:

Men should never cry in front of women (unless something really bad happened eg dog died)

Many women say they like sensitive men, but in reality only a few women can take a man seriously after he has cried in front of her because of unimportant things (eg failure to pass the exam)

Naebany · 2019-04-08T13:00:13+00:00

Man to women: be more approachable, lose the bitch-shield. When I approach you show at least some interest and let me know that you are happy to know me and that there's a potential there. In early stages of dating you don't necessarily have to ask me out but at least suggest it and lemme know that all is going well. I hate when it's not clear and I'm not sure so I feel like I'm being too pushy, when later in dating it turns out she wanted to meet up but was taught to never show it. That's fucked up and discouraging in my opinion.

I might be met with "but women want man who pursue her so if he gave up then it's his fault, but that's my feelings on it. I won't lose interest if you show a bit of interest. Quite the contrary. I like when it all clicks from the beggining. Seriously, the best relationships I had were those that were "easy" from the beggining and everything naturally fell into place.

Another one - if you're on Tinder have a full body shot. If you're chubby you might have less matches, but they will be of better quality. People who don't mind bigger girls (or actually prefer your body type) will match with you. If someone isn't into you then you will just waste time of both of you. His and yours. He won't magically be ok with your size when he will find out you're bigger than he thought you are.

doctor_awful · 2019-04-08T14:17:40+00:00

Just stop trying to be a fucking dude. It's gross. I don't want my girl to just be a bro I can fuck.

daniellederek · 2019-04-08T14:19:07+00:00

Stop commidifying sex. It never works long or short term.

rachmaninoffkills · 2019-04-08T15:01:19+00:00

From a woman to men: just be yourself dude. It's so obvious and such a turn off when men try to play games with women to get with them. Also stop being so desperate, it's not a good look.

The3liGator · 2019-04-08T14:02:11+00:00

Don't go for the guy that other women want. Don't use sex as currency.

I doubt they'd hear it though because the game is stacked in their favor

gunbusterxl · 2019-04-08T13:01:18+00:00

Guys, what do you think girls can do to improve their dating life?

This is for women who want a LTR, which is what most of them say they want.

Be absolutely clear on what you want, and make sure you know what he wants.
If he tells you something, believe him until he proves otherwise.
Don't try to be subtle. Subtle is not our mother tongue.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON THE FIRST DATE. I don't care what the "experts" in this sub say. Don't do it.

sse23 · 2019-04-08T12:46:00+00:00

To women:

Be feminine and attractive, show of yourself, but don't be too slutty.

Be realistic.

Be honest about what you want. Though you don't have to start the first date out by asking how many kids you should have together.

Don't be a prude or uptight.

Have fun.

oftheinfinite · 2019-04-08T13:18:22+00:00

Man to woman:

Blue collar guys aren't idiots and it is a common view among women that they are not worthy because they don't have some overrated degree that somehow indicates intelligence or education, as though libraries are not enough. A lot of mechanics, technicians, and what have you have went to college and decided that the "education" offered is not worth the debt. Many of these men go to libraries and online resources to educate themselves, and no, many of these men are not into conspiracy theories, although they may not have mainstream views. Also, book smarts is not the most important and is not indicative of how smart and sophisticated you are. Blue collar guys will dress appropriately to the situation, so if you're going to an opera, he's going to dress accordingly and not in some blue mechanic overalls. Women have to stop their brand/badge worship: a degree and a suit an tie doesn't mean anything. Women often think they are modern and past their primitive states, but they have yet to prove it telling by the mates they choose and how they go about choosing them.

2stoned0jaguar9tre · 2019-04-08T13:30:04+00:00

Man to women. Men notice women with good to great bodies, which with effort, discipline and consistency any women can achieve. When i went to another country outside the states, it shocked me how unhealthy and out of shape and horribly bodied us Americans are. I swear a majority of women were turning my head even of they didnt look "pretty" by most peoples standards. They were hot.

If you can do your hair or makeup too. We notice it and just pay more attention. Not as big a factor as body though.

Do those things and i will guarantee you will get more guys trying to approach you and get to know you across the board.

I heard this one from a stripper before. Make him fall in love with you. If you like him and want to be woth him, make him feel special. Thats it.

andrew_rdt · 2019-04-08T12:06:32+00:00

As a high value dude:

Women, we admire your intelligence and career accomplishments. But unlike women it’s not a main driver of attraction. Being feminine, complimenting a guy, laughing at his jokes (this shouldn’t be forced, don’t date an unfunny shmuck), and being enthusiastic about dates speaks volumes. I go through 20-30 women a year (sick I know) the ones that stick out do things like planned cute dates such as a picnic in the park, or left notes for me to find around the house. Being a partner and eager to try new things and go out of your comfort zone is wife material.

Complaining, trying to be overly masculine, and being abrasive about your political views (generally feminism in today’s age) aren’t going to do you any favors

hellokattie · 2019-04-08T11:01:54+00:00

As a woman to men:

I’m always most attracted if a man can tease me and give it back in full if i make a joke at his expense! Added bonus if I have to work for his attention - it shouldn’t given on a silver platter even if you’re not the most high value guy (girls love the hunt/chase too!)

Most importantly NEVER apologize in the early stages. If you’ve hurt her or made a mistake properly admit to being in the wrong, but do it without using the word 'sorry.'

Ps. this advice is what I’ve noticed makes a man appear attractive, intelligent and strong to me in the early stages of dating. (I’m 24 so this may be different if you’re in an older age group.)

IWantAllYourMoney · 2019-04-08T11:34:20+00:00

My advice to women

1) Fuck as many guys as possible, get good at sucking dick, don't forget anal and for heavens sake don't just lay there, be active

2) Don't be a fool, stay in school; Chad doesn't want to marry a girl who doesn't even know where America is on a map. He wants to show off his cutesy chickybabe consultant girlfriend to his mum; not some dumb bimbo

3) Be soft on the outside yet fiery on the inside

4) Don't be basic, you don't have a high pH, you're a woman goddamn it

5) Don't get fat (it's bad for you)

Christi6746 · 2019-04-08T11:40:04+00:00

I'm tired of giving advice. It always ends the same way: "You're wrong. Shut up. Doesn't work." You asked a female's opinion, you got a female's opinion, you refuse to listen to a female's opinion.

But to appease the OP, I actually had typed up a long message to someone asking this very same question (who replied almost verbatim my quote above) yesterday, so here it is:

So for starters,when you're out and about going through the motions of life, look happy. Look confident. Look as though you're on cloud nine, even if you feel like you're in hell. For a girl, the difference between seeing someone who looks down in the dumps and someone who looks optimistic is like night and day. And be aware of resting bitch face. LOL I know that's a HUGE issue of mine that I am not even aware of. I think I have a happy look on my face,only to look in a mirror and see a fucking hideous scowl. BLECH.

If you don't already, make small talk. Not like, how are you, where do you live, but just random stuff. Like if she's looking at a book in a store, make a witty or funny comment about the title or about something nearby. That is, if that kind of witty banter is your thing. If not, maybe forcing it isn't a good idea. But you get my gist....any kind of icebreaker type comments are great. I do this with anyone who looks open to approaching, whether male or female, attractive or not. Just my way of interacting with the world.

I'm also a firm believer in getting to know people in online forums and just broadening my horizons as far as all kinds of different people. I think that helps as far as issues with social anxiety and trouble with interacting with different kinds of people in person. And if there are any local forums - subreddidts, FB groups, even like the Nextdoor app is great for neighborhood-type stuff and isn't FB-drama crap - join those and reach out to nearby people. Even if just as friends, you NEVER know who their friends might be.

And when all else fails, just fucking fake it. Fake it like you have the greatest fucking life ever. I do this when I'm driving. I LOVE my car and I actually feel incredibly sexy when I'm driving with the sunroof open, music blaring, shades on. My confidence is through the sunroof (lame pun intended). I notice that even though I'm actually ugly, I do get checked out quite a bit in my car. So fake it like you've made it, baby! :D Confidence is a turn-on, and I've heard chicks dig it like a drug.

So I'm hoping that maybe there's at least one useful thing in all this rambling. If not, I'm sorry I've wasted your time.

CamoWoobie100 · 2019-04-08T14:33:46+00:00

Men to women:

There are women that men want to date, and women that men just want to fuck. If you consistently are getting pumped and dumped, assess yourself before you start blaming all men. Like it or not, dating in many ways is at least subconsciously transactional. If all you have to offer is a pussy attached to a subpar face and body, chances are guys are only going to want to fuck especially If you are fucking around with a guy much more attractive than you. chances are he just sees you as a plate to spin while he looks for better/more variety. A lot of this has to do with how attractive you are, a lot of men will dip down a few points just for sex. How attractive you are is a main factor in getting guys to commit and how much you can realistically demand from a LTR partner, but personality plays a role too, which is going to be dependent on what that particular guy wants.

Oh yeah, stop projecting what you find attractive in males onto what you think men find attractive. Most guys dont care all that much about how much money a woman makes, her social status, or educational attainment. The main things a guy cares about is, "is she hot?" And " is how she acts proportional to how hot she is" eg, is she hot enough to be this much of a bitch.

[deleted] · 2019-04-08T11:40:23+00:00

Man to woman: Be as attractive and feminine as possible to increase the amount of guys who want you. Remember to never get fat, make sure you’re fashionable and relatively trendy, that you know a decent amount about makeup and styling your hair. If you don’t do all of those things, then yeah a guy will still like you somewhere out there because it’s impossible whether you’re male or female to be attractive or unattractive to everyone; but understand that your pool will be severely lessened and you’re less likely to find someone you like as well who is interested in you.

Gravel_Roads · 2019-04-08T13:09:44+00:00

Considering how different each person is and how different what they want is, I can't really tell any one individual chick what she "should" do to guarantee results.

But if I had to come up with a solid generic advice it'd be this: Chill Out About It. Women seem to recognize passion in other women as a sign of importance and urgency -- Men do not. Most RP points are way more gender-neutral than you'd think. Amused Mastery, Abundance Mentality, Agree+Amplify and DGAF, and most men will be put at ease. (Dread works too, but in equally small amounts to the point that most people will do it wrong.)

IWantAllYourMoney · 2019-04-08T15:56:15+00:00

Woman to man:

Dress like an adult. That's about it really.

Gravel_Roads · 2019-04-08T16:12:42+00:00

To women: Remember that men were not socialized to recognize nonverbal cues, and are hard-wired to React/Address shit if you draw attention to it. Clarify when you’re thinking out loud/venting vs when you actually have a problem you want him to solve, so he can tell if what you’re saying is intended to be actionable.

[deleted] · 2019-04-08T16:21:26+00:00

To women: being a hoe is fun, and if that's what you REALLY wanna do, more power to you, but it's gonna fuck up your chances of finding a solid dude to marry you down the line.

I think it's really telling how women downplay the fuck out of how many guys they've been with, it's because it grosses dudes the fuck out lmao. When I'm looking for a partner I don't even think a high count is inherently bad, but it says a lot about you. I look for women that have been in a modest number of mid to long term relationships. They've had a lot of sex with a small number of people, which means they'll know what they want, and probably won't have a disease.

If you've hooked up with 40 guys, I don't know if that means you've had sex 40 times or what, you could be awful at sex and have herpes or some shit. Very unappealing.

penguin_or_panda · 2019-04-08T16:28:34+00:00

man to woman: over saturation of yourself on social media is a pretty big red flag.

confusedspade97 · 2019-04-08T16:34:54+00:00

I'm a woman

Guys vastly overestimate how important appearance is and underestimate how important intelligence, ambition and being confident is. On dating apps add where you went to college, your job and have pictures traveling or doing something interesting.

iLiveInAHologram · 2019-04-08T18:12:47+00:00

From a woman for the guys:

don’t joke about being a sociopath, it’s not something to brag about even though you’re likely not one. I’ve had three guys do so and I explained what an actual one is like and how fast I’d ‘nope’ out of the situation.

Have more than one dating profile pic and make sure they aren’t all selfies.

Ask questions about her and her life. It shows an emotional maturity that is super attractive. Two guys I’m talking to, don’t really do so and it bums me out and I notice it in every convo.

Don’t dump too much on the girl too soon, emotionally. I adore an emotionally open man but telling me about your suicidal thoughts and past drug issues at the end of an otherwise good first date is off putting. Lmk you’re having a hard time but ease me/the girl into your emotional struggles as you ease her into your life.

Don’t ask for too much too soon. Had a guy ask me to buy him his cigarettes because he was having money struggles and later some food. It was inappropriate and weird. I regret doing so for him.

Ease into sexual talk and even pet names. Definitely flirt, but make sure you’re talking about other things and trying to get to know her too.

OneJealousGod · 2019-04-08T20:25:55+00:00

Trust your gut. And if it misleads you, trust your gut and adapt.

iamprosciutto · 2019-04-08T21:57:11+00:00

To women: Be upfront and straightforward. Compliment guys. Do things for him. Boost his confidence in general. Be flirtatious. Drop innuendos. Show interest in his hobbies. Seem available to him. Be confident in yourself but not snobbish. Be kind to others, especially other women. One of my biggest turnoffs is cattiness.

Five_Decades · 2019-04-08T22:48:29+00:00

Advice for women:

Lots of men feel very unappreciated. Learn to be a good listener and show interest in a mans internal world (his hopes, dreams, fears, goals, problems, life experiences, etc). Be supportive when he is down and excited when he hits a goal that is important to himself. A lot of women just don't seem to care what happens to a man, just what he can do for her. That attitude makes it very hard to sustain attraction with a woman.

KeyWeek · 2019-04-09T00:18:30+00:00

Don't listen to people of the opposite gender's advice around dating. Go find people of your own gender that are of a similar level of attractiveness as you that are successful at dating and get their advice.

Generic advice to all genders: Be interesting and maximize your attractiveness toward your target type.

rhyth7 · 2019-04-09T00:51:25+00:00

I would tell men that their appearance matters and that they should attempt to dress well and groom themselves. They should also style and furnish their places as best as possible. Guys who dress well and have couches and more than a matress on the floor are just wonderful. Even if you're on hard times, try to have a real bed.

I would also tell men to not trust anyone on the pill, if you really do not want to get somebody pregnant insist on your own condoms and do not let them touch them. There are so many ppl who get 'accidently pregnant' when they really were not using bc at all. And maybe buy some plan b too.

Read about body language and how to read faces and persuasion tips. Knowing how to make people feel comfortable and interested in you is a valuable skill.

[deleted] · 2019-04-09T03:05:00+00:00

Clearly define what constitutes “success” for yourself and dont accept men that dont meet the standard. At times it seems like the majority of women relationships are disappointed or dissatisfied in some respect because they assumed their partner would do something or be a certain way, but then he isnt.

Be more willing to pursue men you feel something for rather than waiting for a passable man to come on to you.

If you cant get good men to commit to you, figure out what you are doing wrong. If you are doing everything right and still cant get good men, start adopting cats. I would suggest adjusting your standards but I guess women dont like hearing this, even though it is just as true for them as schlubs who imagine themselves with a 10/10 instagram model. Lol.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2019-04-10T02:15:16+00:00

Don't be a basic bitch.

Don't fuck everything that moves

Don't be an angry confrontational triggered idiot

AryaBarzan · 2019-04-12T23:22:42+00:00

Extremely easy for women.

Don't be fat.
Keep your legs closed (particularly with "bad boys"/dark triads/players/etc).
Stay away from tattoo's. It tells others you're probably impulsive and a slut.
Don't chase the men you simply find attractive when you're young or the ones 'gaming' you in the club. Find the nice, quiet guy with low self-esteem who is a hard worker. He'll take care of you. Chad won't.
Don't wait until you're in your thirties to do the above. Most of the those nice, quiet hardworking men don't want you after you've been used up from a decade of sleeping with 'Chads'.
Be feminine/traditional. Men don't want to marry men.

If you do these simply things, you're literally in the top 10-20% of Western women.

CainPrice · 2019-04-08T14:09:48+00:00

To Girls:

If you want a serious relationship with a guy. Put out on the first date and every single date. Make the guy feel like the kind of guy who warrants first date sex and blowjobs, even if he's not really that kind of guy. Because if you make him feel like to you, he's that kind of guy, when he hasn't had that experience with anybody else, that will hook him faster than all of the waiting games and good girl pretenses.

Also, since this is going to lead to you having many dozens of sex partners, lie about your sex history. Tell him 3. Take that secret to the grave. Don't even tell your girlfriends.

But along those lines, -only- have sex with guys you think you might actually want a serious relationship with. Don't run around having bar and Tinder hook-ups with guys you don't even like just to pass the time. Sex is for people you actually like. You can probably find a few more constructive hobbies than having hookups.

Katammers · 2019-04-08T13:10:21+00:00

Woman to men: Show me that you’re fun on a date. I get that a lot of people want to do coffee or drinks as a first date because it’s cheap and efficient in case it doesn’t work out but it doesn’t give you an opportunity to show me that you can be fun. I had a fair amount of first dates that didn’t turn into second dates just because it was super boring and most of the time I’m going to be bored in advance before you ever have the chance to meet me. There’s nothing exciting or fun about going to get coffee. My current boyfriend took me mini golfing for our first date and I had a blast. We’ve been together about four years now.

So what if planning a fun date is a little more expensive than a cup of coffee and there’s a chance it won’t work out? If you’re going for quantity over quality then sure, take 100 women out for coffee, but if you’re genuinely interested in someone then show them a good time.

GrumpyOldHistoricist · 2019-04-08T17:37:15+00:00

From a man to women:

Bring more to the table. This is especially true if you’re using apps. If a guy looks like he’s worth dating on an app, he’s in the upper echelons of what you’d go for had you met in the wild. This means he’s fucking other women, and unless you’re exceptional, expect to be fuckzoned. It’s fine to have human flaws and frailties. But make up for them in other ways. If you’re trying to LTR a dude you’re fucking off an app, you’re competing with other women for the same thing. Be a better option than them.

I’d also recommend getting off the apps entirely. If you’re a normal woman, attraction for you is based on multiple factors other than looks and these factors together can sometimes even trump looks. Apps force you to select in an environment where looks come first, counter to your inclinations. This narrows your field considerably and thus your chances for finding happiness in a relationship.

AutoModerator · 2019-04-08T10:48:20+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

azngirl7689 · 2019-04-08T12:27:03+00:00

My advice to men:

-don’t come on too strong I.e. chill it’s a first date, you don’t need to be so clingy. Let the love build naturally.

-don’t make all your compliments physical. I have a brain too.

NiceGuyNumber4 · 2019-04-08T12:56:50+00:00

Man to women:

Focus on long term beauty. Hit the gym, do some cardio, take care of your skin and hair instead of destroying both.

Be pleasant. Everyone prefers a lady in the streets. You can be kind and a strong, independent woman.

Value yourself. Don't sell yourself short. It's a seller's market and always will be. If you price yourself at a right swipe and a vodka cran, then that's all anyone is going to want to pay.

diffdedbed · 2019-04-08T16:47:00+00:00

Guys, what do you think girls can do to improve their dating life?

Eat less, exercise more, be adventurous, don't be shy.

abaxeron · 2019-04-08T16:54:00+00:00

1) If you, as a woman, like a guy a lot and think he's good, then come up to him, tell him about your feelings, and try to have sex with him this evening. Or tomorrow.

2) If you are not ready to follow advice 1, then don't date men until you are.

Zippo-Cat · 2019-04-08T17:32:22+00:00

We are like yin and yang--guys and girls are by nature complinemtary to one another and are not enemies.

lmao, no prizes for guessing what pill YOU are on.

Title	Q4A: What advice would you give to people of your opposite gender in order for them to succeed in dating?
Author	IWantAllYourMoney
Upvotes	22
Comments	334
Date	April 8, 2019 10:48 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/basaah/q4a_what_advice_would_you_give_to_people_of_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4a-what-advice-would-you-give-to-people-of-your.256359 https://theredarchive.com/post/256359

Comments