Why do men who want women to have casual sex with them slut shame those who do?

MrShakedown1 · 2019-12-30T03:01:47+00:00

Or maybe this is a case of men saying one thing whilst encouraging the opposite.

I think that most heterosexual men wish for a woman who is a high libido bedroom fiend, but just for them, an exclusive monogamous slut.

ohheyhi99 · 2019-12-30T03:20:10+00:00

It gets really weird sometimes. This is an extreme case, but I remember watching a video where a guy asked some Chad manwhores about their body counts and many of the guys were highly opposed to dating a woman with even half their count.

I think some men think of other men’s sexuality as dirty and feel that female sexuality is naturally pure and should remain “undefiled.” Some of those men probably wouldn’t mind as much if a woman slept with other women.

LadyE123 · 2019-12-30T13:08:19+00:00

Because they are comfortable with their own hypocrisy and outraged by the hypocrisy of women.

frappuccinoCoin · 2019-12-30T13:41:06+00:00

A lower n-count makes a woman more attractive, and a higher n-count makes a man more attractive.

This is because it's easy for literally any woman to open up Tinder and have a dick at her door at any hour of the day or night.

If a man can do that, he's probably in the top percentile of all men.

Shenaniboozle · 2019-12-30T05:56:05+00:00

Why do men do xxx?

Cause a lot of men are stupid.

No, really, sometimes it really is a simple as that

Fine. You can dress it up however you like, wrap it in whatever self-defeating nonsense you like, it doesnt change the fact that if you desire female companionship you are working against your own self interest by joining the he-man woman haters club.

Bodycounts... Ive never asked, but Ive alwats been told. To that, Ill say this much. I am not a jealous man, but I dont share. The only thing about that number I care about is that while youre with me, it does not increment beyond me.

And that griping about a higher n count, sour grapes.

so - gobbling down concepts which will make it more difficult for women to be comfortable around you. Rejecting, shaming, and in general being hostile to women who more likely to be a skilled sexual partner. yeah... just stupid.

wtknight · 2019-12-30T04:39:17+00:00

Guys who are looking for relationships don't like sluts. Guys who are looking for just casual sex like sluts. Sometimes a guy who used to like casual sex and liked sluts starts wanting a relationship and starts not liking sluts. It's not that difficult to understand.

bakachelera · 2019-12-30T08:12:39+00:00

I don't think its the very same men. This is just my experience, but my friends who like hookups tend to value these women who also hook up as high smv women.

taapy234 · 2019-12-30T04:20:46+00:00

You are mixing up different generalizations here.

A guy who enjoys regular casual sex with multiple women can slut shame all he wants and girls will still like him for his game and his physical attractiveness.

A guy who is looking for a LTR doesn't want a woman who slept with the whole damn school.

A guy who is looking for a LTR doesn't want a hypocritical woman who used to regularly have promiscuous casual sex but pretends she is a born again christian to you and thinks sex is disgusting.

Not to mention the disparity between how much women have casual sex vs how much men have casual sex which can cause friction among certain % of men.

Besides, very few dudes i know would actually slut shame according to the literal definition. And actually, 8/10 times, its the woman who will most likely call another woman a slut. In fact, recently I heard a girl calling another girl a slut because of her dress.

rus9384 · 2019-12-30T04:40:38+00:00

They rackle their N counts out of insecurity but then want women with low N counts. Because they still are insecure. Or because they realized they were dumb in their insecurity and high N count is not a good thing.

NEETVirginWinner · 2019-12-30T02:56:46+00:00

They want wives when they're done having casual sex. No one wants to wife a slut.

jayval90 · 2019-12-30T06:15:21+00:00

Hey don't look at me, I'm still a virgin precisely because of this conundrum.

But let's be real. The reason girls get slut shamed is because men are more likely to value low partner counts. The reason guys don't get slut shamed is because women are less likely to value low partner counts. It really is that simple.

SelfUnmadeMan · 2019-12-30T03:27:58+00:00

The thread title is a one-shot kill. Any responses from the opposition is just cognitive dissonance. You absolutely cannot slut shame women when you want ONS sex. Period. You must choose between the two. You cannot have both.

NorthrnSwede · 2019-12-30T02:55:48+00:00

If baby can't have some candy, no one else should have any candy either. Just hearing about another toddler having had a lollipop is enough to set some little ones off. That's what this is.

Also, there's a lot of self hatred, misogyny, a desire to gain a little bit of control, and sexual shame involved.

Manny1400 · 2019-12-30T14:53:04+00:00

This isn't rocket science

Men who whore around and engage in ONS while complaining about sluts and hypergamy are hypocrites

I never looked for casual sex from women, even though I probably could have gotten quite a bit. I always looked for women of decent quality to have relationships with. Some were long-term, and others only lasted a few months. By my late 20s, I was looking for Miss Right, and thinking about marriage and kids.

I always had impulse control and didn't let my lust control me. Didn't want to knock some girl up, contract a STD, or cheapen myself. I also didn't want a reputation as "that guy".

If we are going to have standards of behavior for women, we have to have them for men as well

DubsPackage · 2019-12-30T14:56:17+00:00

The male imperative is to fuck alot of women.

The female imperative is to get the best of the best.

So when he can fuck her, he feels like "look at me, I am so awesome, I am judged the best."

But when she sleeps around, it devalues that.

So it boils down to male ego.

Of course it's stupid. Guys do lots of things that are stupid. So do women.

The human race is pretty stupid as a whole.

2019-12-30T05:13:29+00:00

Because they’re hypocritical and not too bright. Consumed with jealousy and rage, that A. women have the choice to have sex with whoever they please and B. It isn’t them. Classic sour grapes whiny baby BS

2019-12-30T02:34:32+00:00

That I never understood. Personally I like a woman who enjoys sex as much as I do, and it's vocal about it and applies herself in the act(s). win-win!

2019-12-30T02:56:34+00:00

Because the women aren't having the casual sex with him.

Hennythepainaway · 2019-12-30T02:57:04+00:00

A certain percentage of men want to fuck around as much as they want and then settle down with a girl with a lower n count. This group does it because they want to and can. A percentage of this group falls into your bragging example.

Another percentage don't care about ncount and just want someone who they like and have fun with.

Another portion can't get any and 'slut shame' while also hoping somebody will hop on their dicks. This group doesn't care about the contradiction and fits into your friendzone example.

They're just separate groups of men. I broadly categorized them. I'm just generalizing here so there will be people who fall into other categories than these three. You have to understand different people have different ideals and motivations. I have idea how many are in each group.

If you know a man is going to lose respect for you if you have sex with him, and you want him to respect you, you're not going to have sex with him.

How would you be able to tell?

RandomAttackHelpMe · 2019-12-30T06:21:47+00:00

Really? This needs to be explained?

Million-Suns · 2019-12-30T02:42:25+00:00

Different men say different things.

Freevoulous · 2019-12-30T07:39:08+00:00

It is usually not the same men who do these things:

- Sexy/confident men have casual sex with women

- ugly/insecure men slut shame women about having sex with someone who is not them.

Men are not an uniform group, we are literally every man for himself, and NAMALT.

Seroriman · 2019-12-30T08:03:30+00:00

Let me explain my stance on the entire matter - because while I am not exactly what you describe, my views are probably still something you would disagree with. So...here goes.

I would have sex with a woman on the first date if she was clearly going for it - and then, while not actively giving her shit for it, I would rule this woman out for any serious relationship. So I judge, but keep the judgement to myself.

The reasoning is mildly complicated. Let me start off by saying that just about the single most unnattractive thing any women I consider for an LTR can do is have sex with other guys (EDIT: in the timeframe that I am courting/dating her - a modest sexual history wouldn't be an issue). Unattractive not as in lowering SMV (A bit, but not by much), but it willl definitely tank her RMV. Because I consider it proof of different values if I'm being generous, and lack of commitment or attraction if I'm feeling less generous.

I know I'm not that special or better than everyone else, so someone who is jumping on my dick on the first date will very likely have done that before, and probably do it again with other people (unless I have very good reason to believe this is not the case, and even then it would leave me uneasy). Since I do not wish to, and cannot, keep track of their remaining social life I must assume that any "highly available" woman is highly available to other men as well. At which point I am best of writing her off as an LTR-prospect.

Which leaves me with the chance for casual sex. The first few times I had the chance I was oblivious or too socially awkward to capitalize, and in the last, most recent example I actually declined (upon which she ghosted me). It's such a one-sided deal in my advantage though that I don't know whether I would decline again - it's basically like leaving money on the table.

So that's my deal. Probably at odds with most women here and many of the more sexually permissive men, but it is what it is.

Workaholiconew · 2019-12-30T02:21:36+00:00

Most men just do it out of sexual necessity, They would LTR someone of low n count if they found someone worth risking it, the things is, they couldn't find this someone, so they just accept casual sex to not have the nuisance called sexual drive messing with their minds.

And quite frankly, I feel as if it is a instinct, like how most men are attracted to pockets of fat in women's bodies (breasts and butts) even if you ask us to change it, we can't.

mechanical_elves · 2019-12-30T02:28:02+00:00

Why do they shame women for doing what they themselves do

lol

women don't value men for being virgins instead they shame and pity them for it

wHaT's GoInG oN?

saladfingers4141 · 2019-12-30T02:57:58+00:00

Nothing worse than a slut who refuses to fuck you lol

Ecocavalry · 2019-12-30T10:36:13+00:00

Men hate everything that women do, so it should not surprise anyone.

pongaminbloom · 2019-12-31T04:12:44+00:00

Men don't slut shame. Not marrying them is not shaming them. Everything in its proper place

pongaminbloom · 2019-12-30T03:18:02+00:00

Enjoy the decline. They are all sluts, so may as well get some.

Raquel22222 · 2019-12-30T03:01:20+00:00

I think it’s a conquest brag. Happens a lot in high school. They aren’t looking for wives

WIA20XX · 2019-12-30T03:22:57+00:00

shrugs I like sluts

pongaminbloom · 2019-12-30T05:07:31+00:00

Sluts are good for only one thing. That's why they are getting shamed by men. For the similar reason women shame jerks yet they sleep with jerks and give it away in first date even 🤷

brinkleybuzz · 2019-12-30T04:29:07+00:00

Guys who aren't getting laid shame the women who have sex with other men because they are bitter, jealous haters.

Some guys who are getting laid like to brag about their sexual exploits and end up embarrassing the women they had sex with in the process.

On the other hand, based on personal experience and observation, guys who are non-judgmental and discreet about who they have sex with tend to get laid more, over the long-run.

In this case, good behavior usually wins.

YetAnotherCommenter · 2019-12-30T03:42:53+00:00

Do they?

Most slut-shaming is done by women to each other.

Most men want more sex. It would be illogical for them to slut-shame. It is arguably reasonable (given the distribution of costs in the event of relationship dissolution) they may not want to marry a woman with a record of promiscuity, but shaming such women is basically self-sabotage of the masculine imperative.

If you know a man is going to lose respect for you if you have sex with him, and you want him to respect you, you're not going to have sex with him.

Define "respect." Is it "disrespectful" for a man to like you as a fuckbuddy but not be interested in a long-term romantic committed relationship with you?

Likewise, if you know he brags about his conquests to people who will judge and dehumanize you, you're going to be sure not to fall for him.

So he's responsible for how other people judge you? Really?

You would think that men who wanted to get out of the "friend zone" would speak approvingly and respectfully of the women who gave them what they wanted, but they don't.

Why is it disrespectful for men to gloat about their sexual prowess, given that society judges them on that very metric very frequently?

SilentLurker666 · 2019-12-30T07:19:15+00:00

Simple answer... as this has been asked a couple of times throughout this sub: men will sleep with sluts, but will not commit to sluts.

Also STD is a legit concern.

woahwoahwoahwoa · 2019-12-30T09:37:21+00:00

it’s a controlling tactic

pongaminbloom · 2019-12-30T02:50:44+00:00

[permanently deleted]

salami_inferno · 2019-12-30T05:09:19+00:00

[permanently deleted]

whydidntthey · 2019-12-30T06:57:16+00:00

We don't shame you we laugh about it and have a great time. But yeah of course we think you're a fool cause you're acting like a fool.

Lol men who want to get out of the friend zone. The guys who bang and chuck you don't give the slightest of poops about your friends zone nonsense.

Likewise, if you know he brags about his conquests to people who will judge and dehumanize you, you're going to be sure not to fall for him.

Ok cool who cares then? Don't bang those guys and then they can't brag about sticking it into you.

You really don't know what's going on? You don't understand what's happening? It's just so confusing? Well that sucks

cuckspace · 2019-12-30T07:39:55+00:00

Well of course they would not slut shame anyone in front of said women they want to have casual sex with. It's part of the persona the have to put on in order to have casual sex. This persona pays lip service to whatever BS ideology is in vogue at the time, slut walks and whatnot.

Paranoidexboyfriend · 2019-12-30T11:57:11+00:00

If there was a dude handing out $100 bills on the street for free would I think he was an idiot? Yes. Would I take one? Absolutely yes. I hope there's all sorts of people handing out things of value for free to me to their own detriment. Doesn't make them any less stupid or me some sort of hypocrite.

AsclepiustheSage · 2019-12-30T13:04:53+00:00

Men don't slut shame women - other women slut shame women.

2019-12-30T10:22:17+00:00

Because they are very dumb.

limbojunkie · 2019-12-30T12:45:48+00:00

There is the "lock and key" concept which explains why men justify they can have casual sex because they work hard for it, while it's easy for women to get a man for the night. Personally, I find it disgusting to sleep with too many women. All the men I know who do sex marathons would sleep with an ogre when they are looking for sex. They have no standards as long as it has a hole.

dejour · 2019-12-30T14:17:49+00:00

Sour grapes?

Also, to some extent the men who slut shame are not the same who want casual sex.

The_Madmans_Reign · 2019-12-30T14:23:09+00:00

I think people who give out free money on the street are fucking stupid, but would gladly receive a free bag of $1000. By the standards of this sub that would make me a hypocrite. As most men do, I despise sluts and, if we’re being blunt, think they have less value as human beings. But, just like the bag of money, I would gladly accept it then proceed to think less of the person giving it. Women having casual sex is against their biological imperative, and it follows that women who seek it are to some extent... mentally uncalibrated.

Every man’s fantasy world is one where he alone has all sex. Obviously this is unsustainable, selfish, and narcissistic, and as such the world where no men have casual sex is a decent and acceptable one. Casual sex is, from an evolutionary standpoint, a male supremacist act. It’s a wildly unbalanced division of effort disenfranchising primeval women. In exchange for discouraging casual sex, men as a class received chastity from women. The world where no casual sex is had and each man gets a virgin woman is acceptable to most men and most women, and was for about 6,000 years until the boomers had the sexual revolution. But this world, the world where a genetically gifted upperclass of godlike men roam the Earth defiling women in the eyes of mortal beta men, it’s much better to be the alpha fucks than the beta bucks, hence the “hypocrisy.”

Anyways, we really did fucking get Halo on PC.

DontTouchTheCancer · 2019-12-30T14:37:56+00:00

For the same reason that gay men fantasize about straight men.

They want her to have the casual sex with HIM as an affirmation that HE has what it takes to give her the "get on the back of the Harley" look and she starts foaming at the crotch. Not it's just his turn next on the town bike.

JagerFang · 2019-12-30T14:54:21+00:00

"A key that opens many doors is a master key. A door that opens for any key is useless."

El_Guapo2020 · 2019-12-30T14:56:54+00:00

The more promiscuous women are the fewer men get to have sex. Men slut shame because when women have sexual freedom they all just fuck the same few guys. Only through social enforced monogamy can the average guy get a girl friend.

Truedemocracy6 · 2019-12-30T15:00:56+00:00

Men don’t slut shame women who sleep with them

They either slut shame women who don’t sleep with them (out of anger) or slut shame women who want commitment from them

MikepGrey · 2019-12-30T15:29:52+00:00

When I treat a woman like a human, they friend zone me, when I treat them like a slut they fuck like a rabbit... The problem as I see it are most women do not think but feel there way through life, make them feel like a whore and they fuck like one, don't and they wont.

How about the rest of you, what have you experienced?

pongaminbloom · 2019-12-30T16:59:00+00:00

It’s a shit test. Men try to get sex without commitment from women as a shit test. They do want sex, but they don’t want to invest in a relationship with a woman who is easy. They want to marry a woman that will be chaste so they can feel sure their kids’ are actually theirs. This is all programmed into their brains by evolution. They want to impregnate lots of women that they don’t give a shit about. And they want to marry women that would be good wives and mothers and invest in those children. It’s an instinct that they aren’t in control over.

12112019 · 2019-12-30T23:11:24+00:00

Either it is not the same men, or just dual mating strategy.

2019-12-31T13:03:59+00:00

Because women have double strategy. They have sex with alphas on first date and make betas wait because they use their pussy as some kind of reward. It's all because of how women are. Men didn't make the rules. Women did. If they think you are ltr material they will wait. If not, they will spread their legs and moan in ecstasy and forget about it next day.

If she's truly a good girl and unicorn and makes all men wait, that's perfectly fine. But most women make only certain type of guys wait. She won't make brad pitt wait obviously.

ajcord89 · 2019-12-31T21:31:15+00:00

I'm not sure I fully understand the question. You added way too much information that doesn't really help. But I will try to answer this:

Why do men who want women to have casual sex with them slut shame those who do?

I can only answer this from my experience. Men that I have known including myself don't slut shame woman they are sleeping with or have slept with. In my experience, nobody knows who they've slept with. There are some people who do kiss and tell and in my opinion I don't ever listen to them. They are usually fools to begin with. I do however always say this to woman; you are free to do whatever you want, but you are not free from the consequences. I usually get a funny reaction from woman when I tell them this. I believe that's because they know themselves that they have been just casually sleeping around. Once men find out they have been sleeping around more men will flock to be next in line and those that dont get to are usually the ones to call them names. Now on the other hand, a man of value will not deal with these woman. They will however engage in sexual activity with them but will never commit. So to woman out there living "freely" there are consequences to what you are doing.

Innovative_being · 2020-03-27T05:14:07+00:00

It’s just like women’s alpha fucks, beta bucks. Which makes no logical sense to men.

Men have slut fucks, virgin commit. Which makes no logical sense to women.

Only difference is, a woman will actively try to lock down her alpha fucks, while men would never commit to his slut fucks nor invest in her in any way

CamoWoobie420 · 2019-12-30T03:13:09+00:00

I find sluts to be disgusting. If I was able to I would have a harem of virgin girls, but I cant, So in being realistic I fuck sluts and see them as human garbage and when I get older I will preferably settle down with a virgin girl.

I got no problem having a "dual mating strategy" because women do too.

So, let me explain the psychology to you. This is just my feelings not claiming all guys feel like this.

The sluttier a girl is, the less fufilling it feels to fuck her. It doesnt feel as validating because she has done it with a bunch of other people. If a girl gives me her virginity and she herself thinks her virginity is important, than it makes me feel amazing to be the one to take it. "Gone where no man has gone before"

The reason I dont hold myself to the same standard? Because im not a woman. Male and female sexual activity has a different value. You almost never see women with virgin fetishes. Female virgin is far more valueble than a male virgin. Women see value in a guy who has sexual experience.

2019-12-30T02:39:59+00:00

The only people I've every heard slut shame a gal is other women.

poppy_blu · 2019-12-30T03:27:24+00:00

Incel types slut shame because they’re jealous.

LotBuilder · 2019-12-30T04:06:28+00:00

I don’t. I love sluts. They are the best.

2019-12-30T05:49:44+00:00

Because slut shaming is for future wives, not for slutty Suzie. Men want their future wife to be chaste and untouched by men; they couldn't care less how many dicks some thot has taken.

If life has taught me anything is that ignorance is bliss. So keep your lips sealed on how many dicks you've taken in your life. Just like men will lie about how many girls he's fucked so you can keep the illusion he's a stud every woman wants but you were the lucky girl to snag him.

TheJim66 · 2019-12-30T06:02:43+00:00

It’s jealousy, plain and simple. It’s never the hot dudes doing the slut shaming.

FereallyRed · 2019-12-30T10:05:51+00:00

Immaturity.

2019-12-30T03:57:47+00:00

We don't.

2019-12-30T04:19:48+00:00

a very good question.

2019-12-30T05:18:13+00:00

Reminds me of a guy who was on my gf’s swim team. Was your stereotypical Chad, tall, good looking, frat boy aesthetic. He was an absolute asshole, and was a known slut shamer after he’d hook up with a chick. However it never stopped him from getting laid anyway.

I think it’s a power thing, it’s a bragging thing like “lol look what I did?! She was such a slut in bed for me”. Like he made her do that, and she was happy to be there. This might be an extreme case because he was a bonafide psychopath and will probably be Patrick Bateman one day, but i guess that appears to be the reason.

pongaminbloom · 2019-12-30T12:39:21+00:00

ONS is a high risk investment with a low return on the part of women.

If we look at the exchange as a zero-sum game, I am the beneficiary.

How is it critical for be to benefit from an exchange and laugh at the poor fool who was dumb enough to make it?

Your argument is garbage.

2019-12-30T02:23:11+00:00

Lol for the same reason people who want to earn a salary shame the rich for having too much money despite the fact that wealth is needed to pay the salary

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2019-12-30T07:47:21+00:00

Because they want easy access to lots of sex, but only for themselves.

There’s an evolutionary reason to dislike promiscuous women, and it’s that in a world without paternity tests the only thing you can do as a man to make sure the baby is actually yours is trust your woman to not fuck someone behind your back. Since you can’t watch her 24/7, you must make a trustworthiness estimation based on her behavior. A woman who is sexually tame feels more trustworthy than one who is sexually open with other men, and a woman who already slept with other men is downright saying to you that “nope, you can’t trust that I won’t fuck someone else. In fact, I already did”. So there’s a reason to feel dislike, and this dislike is instinctive, not rational, which is why the existence of birth control doesn’t mitigate it.

So while casual sex satisfies his sexual imperative, the fact it was easy to obtain threatens his need to be able to trust.

yuckyuck13 · 2019-12-30T03:52:46+00:00

Real men don't wan't easy women but women who have high value, aka don't give it away easily. Women are just as likely to slut shame women who value their self worth with sexual availability. Value yourself before others, really common sense.

Title	Why do men who want women to have casual sex with them slut shame those who do?
Author	pongaminbloom
Upvotes	70
Comments	329
Date	December 30, 2019 2:18 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ehfkmg/why_do_men_who_want_women_to_have_casual_sex_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-men-who-want-women-to-have-casual-sex-with.303533 https://theredarchive.com/post/303533

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