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[–]pineycitrusforestFDS Newbie515 points516 points517 points 3 years ago (29 children) | Copy Link
Also add to the wife list: send out any birthday/holiday cards to both families and birthday and holiday presents to both her family and his. 🙄
[–]willowgrowingrootsFDS Disciple267 points268 points269 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yes. Emotional labor
[–]Hipster-AuroraFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Wouldn't it be domestic labor? I thought the free therapy for his issues was emotional labor.
[–]iruomaFDS Newbie23 points24 points25 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
the emotional labor is the mental load of remembering and executing the tasks by yourself
[–]rrrrrrrrrreallyFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Research the term "mental load" the other commenter responded with - there is a whole discourse on the emotional toll of being the unpaid "manager" of the household.
This is why a guy who'll clean if you ask him is still worthless. You aren't the boss of cleaning and childcare, doling out tasks to your employees. You're supposed to be partners. (And its not like the women who take on these roles really get a "raise" or "promotion" of some sort, it's always an imbalance like the list above. They just get more responsibility.)
[–]CassieGreen85FDS Apprentice204 points205 points206 points 3 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Also when they grow older/retired: be his live in, free 24/7 caretaker.
[–]HhjjuuyFDS Apprentice67 points68 points69 points 3 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Also before they grow old and tired do the same for his parents, unless of course he has a sister. Then his wife will be spared.
[–]CassieGreen85FDS Apprentice47 points48 points49 points 3 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Then his wife will be spared
Welcome to Asian families, where the daughter-in-law is saddled with taking care of the husband's parents! (especially if he's the first born son!)
Thank god one of my grandmas is super cool and doesn't tolerate that bullshit.
[–]pineappleshampooPickmeisha™️24 points25 points26 points 3 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, before we got married (me white British, husband British Indian) I made it clear under no circumstances would we ever have a relative on either side come live with us permanently or stay for longer than a week or two max in an emergency. I would literally have to divorce if he insisted. His mum’s great but just no. Need my space.
[–]CassieGreen85FDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No sweat sis, even I wouldn't be able to live with my own mom; we lead very different lifestyles, and I already know that fighting would be something regular because she doesn't approve but thinks she can say whatever just cuz she's my mom. Hell, we fight through the phone now (we live in different countries)!
[–]Orphanedpinkpetals0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Have you two discussed what will happen to the parents if they need full time care? I read Indians are less likely to develop Alzheimer's
[–]pineappleshampooPickmeisha™️2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, basically we will support them financially if we’re able to (and possibly practically if it’s possible for them to live nearby) but we won’t have anyone move in with us.
Husband is one of five so I hope there’ll be enough siblings to share the burden, I’m essentially an only but my parents would rather be in a care home than impose. Either way there’s just no way. People complain a lot about how it’s less common to care for your elderly family these days but man, it’s a full time (and more!) job when things are bad, heavy lifting and personal care and being on alert round the clock, meals and cleaning up and especially if someone has dementia it’s very difficult to keep them safe in a home setting. You’d need one person to stay home and be willing to work around the clock.
It’s just not happening, I know myself and as much as I love him, if something changed and he decided he wanted to go down that road I know I’d have to leave. I really like my space and privacy and I would be so so sad to separate but I’d be desperately brutally miserable sharing my home with anyone except for us. I find it difficult enough when his sibling stays over for a weekend.
[–]szarcatFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I’m british Bangladeshi and lemme tell you this is exactly how my dad has his life played out and my mum just goes along with it.
[–]CassieGreen85FDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Ugh I get that; my mom plays along with my dad because it's the path of least resistance. My dad has issues and complexes about his side of the family (most of them are shit, his mom being the biggest shit of them all) and if my mom shows even a nano-second of dislike towards their actions (which is 99% of the time justified) he blows up at her.
He's one of the reasons I don't give a fuck about marriage; I'd kill myself if I had to live like my mom. (even though he actually does love me as dad and daughter, he's LVM I hate to say it)
[–]szarcatFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same! I would choose death over having a life like my mums. I feel bad for these women though since they really had no choice or access to the info we have today.
[–]szarcatFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Men usually die before women too so after being his caretaker, he will die and leave you alone 😍
[–]CassieGreen85FDS Apprentice4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Imagine only having freedom the last few years of your life, BARF
[–]PmMeYourFountainPensFDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ha! This makes sense now. I was in a relationship many years ago where the guy’s mother started resenting me. I was really confused why she chastised me for not sending out cards to his family around the holidays. I was like “But we’re not married.” She said we lived together so same thing. It didn’t occur to me until now that the reason she hated me is because I wouldn’t mother her son. Not that I knew that was expected of me. I was just as lazy as he was, but apparently I took all the blame for his shortcomings.
[–]marmaladeburritoFDS Newbie90 points91 points92 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You don't have to do this. My MIL gets no gifts because she didn't raise her son to give gifts. Sorry, not sorry.
[–]pineycitrusforestFDS Newbie29 points30 points31 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Smart. I know my MIL would have blamed me and not her perfect precious son, however. Still best to marry a man who is actually a functioning adult.
[–]MomcellaFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Never looked at it that way.
[–]hgd29FDS Newbie60 points61 points62 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
A friend of mine purchased and put together an amazing Mother’s Day spa basket for her fiancé’s mother this year and let him deliver it and take credit 🤦🏻♀️
[–]GIfuckingJaneFDS Newbie41 points42 points43 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
What a fool
[–]hgd29FDS Newbie48 points49 points50 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
My thoughts exactly. Her mother in law called her to say thank you because she knew her son wasn’t capable of putting together a gift like that on his own....
[–]GIfuckingJaneFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
How can you even be attracted to someone like him? There's no way in hell that guy is providing her orgasms
[–]hgd29FDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
🤷🏻♀️
She said he was too busy. But too busy to find a gift for his own mother?!? It’s not like the holiday was a surprise, it’s the same fucking weekend EVERY year. I think this instance is foreshadowing a very disappointing marriage for her.
[–]zagreus8meFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don't forget the other one, organising play dates for the husband and his friends because it seems men can't organise themselves for shit.
[–]pineycitrusforestFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Luckily, I never had to do that one.
[–]HapticGlovesPickmeisha™️1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hey, wait until both your parents get old and add them to the list.
[–]QuicklyquiglyFDS Newbie414 points415 points416 points 3 years ago* (29 children) | Copy Link
Stay up all night with infants while men sleep soundly. Not sleeping for months. That will AGE you. That will change your brain. It will damage you. You can’t talk about it because “every mother does it”. You don’t get any help, you don’t get a break and nobody is coming to save you.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]QuicklyquiglyFDS Newbie126 points127 points128 points 3 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
The last sentence needs to in all caps! Make it heard!
And I just want to say that a huge, probably the largest demographic of happy hour customers (4-7 pm) are new fathers/fathers. He doesn’t have to work late. He is at the BAR to get away from you and his own baby.
[–]just_takin_the_dFDS Apprentice31 points32 points33 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
And this is why so many men say they want children: they don't fully think about the responsibilities of having a child because they are left with no repercussions for getting it wrong.
[–]Hipster-AuroraFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Pretty sure the same applies to marriage too. I think a lot of the miserable husbands you see (especially boomers) got married because they assumed marriage was about having a doting little wife to make your life easier. Then they found out it's actually work, and supposed to be mutually caring. They act so betrayed when they realize their wives have needs and don't exist to brighten their lives.
[–]rrrrrrrrrreallyFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Every "wife BAD" joke is just a man who can't manage to live up to basic minimum expectations of partnership.
How many of those jokes are just "i don't want to be held responsible for going home on time or giving gifts or showing affection or understanding my spouse or taking care of our house/kids"
[–]K80L80FDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's so sad.
[–]just_takin_the_dFDS Apprentice18 points19 points20 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm sorry he was a terrible partner and father. Thank you for the truth of your post. This is the reason why I'm childfree by choice - I see so many women being let down by their partners and, like you said, tortured through sleep deprivation. Please keep telling your story, as people think I'm being "dramatic" and making it up.
I hope you and your child/children are living a fantastic life without a useless deadbeat dragging you down. ❤
[–]Hipster-AuroraFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They all want big families because they assume they won't be the ones responsible for wrangling in 5 rambunctious munchkins all day.
[–]ThelovelyamberFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I swear up and down my son’s father was the main reason for my PPD. The only one who would listen to that issue was my gyn. My parents told me to be grateful I got to be a SAHM with a free roof over my head and food. My son is being raised as a HVM. I will not raise him to be any less than that.
[–]diorgasmFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Im sorry you went through that ❤️
[–]CassieGreen85FDS Apprentice174 points175 points176 points 3 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I have a lot of reasons to not have kids, but a big one is lack of sleep while the man snores peacefully on the side. I get psychotic if I lose too much sleep, I wouldn't be able to stay calm if my husband left me to do all the work and then some more, on little sleep.
People seriously underestimate how lack of sleep can negatively affect a person's life and health.
[–]QuicklyquiglyFDS Newbie148 points149 points150 points 3 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
A lot of men sleep on the other side of the house because they don’t want to hear the baby cry because they have to work the next day and are “tired” I guess women don’t have to work or be a mother the next day. The woman can’t even bring it up because it’s just going to cause a fight and who has the energy for that? Now he’s got you trapped and he is never, ever going to help you. Then when you are out with the baby or with your families everyone asks HIM if the baby is keeping him up all night? And tells him how hard it must be for him. I guess women used to just toss babies in the crib and let them “cry it out” or leave them in the crib all day and night. That’s why a lot of older people have flat heads (crib head). We now know how damaging that is. Mothers don’t do that anymore. It’s a more difficult job than ever, with less help or support than ever. If you want kids great, if you don’t want them great. Both have their ups and downs I guess. But realize no matter how many friends you have the long nights will be yours alone and it’s so so hard, unless you have a night nanny or a baby that is a good sleeper.
And you can believe they are sneaking to the bar for a half an hour-hours after work everyday. Trying to flirt with the bartender, laughing with other losers, wasting money, relaxing guilt free. Then popping a tic tac in before they get home. Coming home in a bitchy mood because they “just worked” all day! Women, you won’t get to do that. Ever. Let alone every day. Believe IT.
[–]just_takin_the_dFDS Apprentice13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This needs to be shouted from the rooftops - you just described my worst nightmare. It is modern day slavery.
[–]GIfuckingJaneFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Its true and its bleak
[–]Catz086FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This really hit home!! My ex moved to the other end of the house to sleep so the baby wouldn’t wake him! Would go to the pub after work and only be home for (less than!) 1/2 an hour before the baby would be put to bed for the night... but would BITCH when I got a nap in the mornings on his days off and he’d have the baby
[–]naamshikoFDS Newbie48 points49 points50 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree with you so much. I also get psychotic when I am functioning on low hours of sleep (and I mean that my brain really goes on the worrying side of my thoughts process) and I can’t imagine being in this state for several days, let alone several years. I would literally kill myself if I did that.
[–]MomcellaFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Anytime the subject comes up, I recommend being child free. Strange to say, but I believe people who were raised to be codependent don't feel they have a choice but to have children early & many.
[–]Orphanedpinkpetals-2 points-1 points0 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think I read when a baby is produced that the body changes it's sleep schedules or is more able to cope w less sleep
[–]CassieGreen85FDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm gonna be honest, I'm calling bullshit every time a "biological" reason is if not made up, vastly exaggerated, to justify putting the responsibility/burden on the woman, or is justify in some way to make the woman sound more like an animal.
Not saying that what you read is either of those things, but I would take that type of info with a pinch of salt from now on.
[–]lvoncreekFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That will age you yeah, and then come the complaints about how old you look and how you let yourself go :)
[–]just_takin_the_dFDS Apprentice10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The complaints come before then according to my pregnant sister's mum group...because women are supposed to be skinny and sexy whilst pregnant...
[–]mi1km0onFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly the reason I’m not having kids.
[–]tellmesomething11FDS Apprentice17 points18 points19 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Hardest thing about having children.
[–]QuicklyquiglyFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
For sure.
[–]shisuinokuniFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m a young single mother and that shit legitimately traumatized me. I won’t have another kid ever again because of that. I can’t even talk about the new born era with my daughter because all I do is cry.
[–]DalegardFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I recognise my parents' marriage in nearly all of the comments in this thread, but this one was the most poignant to me (if that's the right word to use).
In the past, my mother often complained to us about how little my father was involved in raising us. One complaint that I remember well is that my father never changed our nappies when we were infants (in the second half of the 1980s). He refused to, because he apparently has an aversion to human waste, even though as a farmer he was covered in animal waste on the regular. I asked him about it when I was older and he maintained that there's just something about human waste that grosses him out, which animal waste doesn't have. I don't believe a word of it! He simply didn't want to: either because it was just another piece of work on top of his work on the farm, or because all of us were girls (probably both).
Sure, being a farmer is incredibly hard work. I might have understood that adding nappy duty to that was too much for him, if my mother hadn't had to work on the farm just like he did! She did everything that he did and in addition raised three daughters whilst also having to deal with my father's alcoholism, depressive tendencies and his difficult parents. I can keenly feel the desperation, stress and sense of entrapment that you described in your post: that was my mother!
And what did she get for all of that hard work in the end? He drunkenly cheated on her with one of her colleagues back in 2016 (she had stopped working on the farm by then) and only took him back because she is afraid to grow old alone. My father has since improved himself (he finally stopped drinking after that), but my parents' marriage retains some unhealthy elements and I view it as a marriage of convenience at this point.
Do I feel sorry for my mother? Not as much as I could have, because she took out all of her problems on me (the eldest), mentally and physically. I have a disability and therefore required more patience than the average child, which only made things harder, so naturally I became the scapegoat of the family. It didn't help that when I was younger, I had the courage and energy to call things out for what they were, e.g. I didn't play nice and sweep my father's alcoholism under the rug like my siblings did.
Anyway... in a nutshell: this is the example that I have of marriage and parenthood and of how men function in them, and I never ever want to run the risk of that happening to me! No matter how great a man might seem, he could change completely (i.e. show his true colours) after marriage, by which point you're basically trapped. Yes, there's always the option of divorce, but it might not always be that straightforward. Better to never run the risk in the first place. As they say: prevention is always better than the cure!
[–]I_CantMake_It_AMonthFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is precisely why I will be hiring a night nurse when the time comes.
[–][deleted] 384 points385 points386 points 3 years ago (24 children) | Copy Link
Do men protect though? Who has always been the one protecting children, the vulnerable and other women from...men. Women have always been the protectors.
[–]not_a_paper_pusherFDS Newbie155 points156 points157 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly, I’ve always had to protect myself, and the women around me. The women have protected me in return. Usually from men.
[–]BovvsetteFDS Disciple202 points203 points204 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Current manchildren shiver at the thought of being called a ”simp” or a ”white knight”. Protecting the weak and providing for potential mate and kids is seen as insanity, while it has always been a respectable quality throughout history and gave men a sense of honor and purpose. But apparently fear of bullying from online competing toxic teenage males is more effective than the idea of following natural order, creating successful and happy family unit and continuing strong family line, protecting and providing for his own bloodline and appreciating a woman sacrificing and looking after it too. No wonder why they're all claiming to be depressed and miserable now, when they have no role, no place in the society, no respect, no awe and glory, they sacrificed it all for giving in to their urges of violence against the weak and chasing after fleeting unsatisfying pleasures instead of something steady and longterm. They don't protect shit, they're more interested in abuse. And then they complain how come they are left alone and no one is interested.
[–]Orphanedpinkpetals3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
White knights used to be looked upon favorable and now these degenerate white offspring think it is a crime to be a white knight. When, in reality their ancestors would have never had the opportunity to be something so noble. Lmao
[–]AuroraDullikThrowaway Account75 points76 points77 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Men never protect, except from other men, and that’s just in “theory”. Most men I know will stand for random dude because of some “brotherhood” bullshit.
[–]MomcellaFDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I never felt safe when married. I'd go to him asking to tell his pervert friend to stop speaking to me the way he did. He'd just laugh it off & say it's just the way he is, just ignore him. A couple of his coworkers whom I've never met, stopped by while he was at work & started saying some vile things. I called the boss directly, warning that I'll call law enforcement if they came back (I warned them not to). Boss man took care of the problem, husband got mad cause I didn't go to him first. Told him I didn't cause he would've blamed me (possibly would accuse me of cheating) & there wouldn't be any consequences to their behavior.
[–]BetterToBeLonelyFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have been sexually harassed up close right next to my husband and he has never once done anything. Not even a "hey stop that". Male protection is a bullshit fantasy.
[–]GlitterLoveAngelFDS Newbie60 points61 points62 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
They don’t. Because if they did, they wouldn’t be so obsessed with hitting women. (Pussypassdenied, unpopularopinions, etc)
And they would be marching to find out more about the Epstein ghilane case that goes all the way to the so called royals and the Vatican. They wouldnt want their daughters having to date pornsick freaks and would demand action.
[–]Nightwing_10FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Honestly! I am so sick of seeing reddit men say ‘equal rights, equal fights’ or whatever bs they come up with to enact violence against women. Why is that the first thing they think of when equality comes up? 🙄
[–]EfficientTackleFDS Newbie41 points42 points43 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Men abuse more than they protect
[–]peachpy54FDS Apprentice44 points45 points46 points 3 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
One of the justifications of misogyny is that in the end, men are the physical protectors of a family are men. What, against the 1 in a 300 chance of an intruder? Well, I protect against the chance of hunger 3 times a day, so let's talk about those odds.
[–]GraeWestFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Or the odds of domestic violence and abuse by that "protector".
[–]peachpy54FDS Apprentice4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. Because a man who is disproportionately obsessed with the threat of physical harm sees the world through a lens of pure aggression. A person who is always afraid of being hit is that way because he is probably always READY TO HIT OTHERS.
[–]biwinnyFDS Newbie37 points38 points39 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Literally this. Men are the aggressors, and always have been.
[–]SkyWanderlusterFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Designmom's thread on men worshipping guns is the second best thread on twitter: https://twitter.com/designmom/status/1225052129238421505?s=19
(The first place goes to her thread on abortion)
[–]Orphanedpinkpetals5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Honestly, I think women need to take that from men. Everytime women enter something male dominated men scientifically lose interest. Women are the ones who deserve guns. We are the vulnerable. As soon as war starts we are the victims.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That post is absolutely gold! Thanks for sharing!
[–]VillanellohFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My ex would never speak up if a homeless person came up to me begging for money. And he never waited with me for my bus or train home. I was his protector.
[–]Orphanedpinkpetals2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
At least back in the day most men were anti lewd content. Sure, you could say it was because they didnt want women making more money. Men did not want degenerate content being proliferated in society. If you were into bdsm you were considered an extreme freak. A degenerate. Worse than a peeping tom pervert. Now, everything goes.
[–]thowawaywookieFDS Newbie118 points119 points120 points 3 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
I hear men say they go to war, get injured, die, to protect us.
Who starts all the wars?
[–]quentin_taranturtleFDS Newbie67 points68 points69 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
It’s always coming from men who aren’t even veterans too lmao
[–]MomcellaFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
With as many female soldiers & vets, Protect should also be added to the list. Many enlist to provide for the family. I knew one girl who enlisted instead of her husband.
[–]thowawaywookieFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes, and they're still disrespected and vulnerable to assault, rape.
[–]thowawaywookieFDS Newbie40 points41 points42 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Always. They play COD. lmao
[–]FaginRagetteFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Oh, it's to "protect us" now is it ? I thought we were part of the "spoils of war". They used to guard women like they were treasure. That isn't protection; we were just used by whoever managed to capture us. Male soldiers have always raped no matter what side they were on. They'd even be using old ladies to cook and wash for their armies.
[–]thowawaywookieFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
We're just property, like livestock.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
please. when's the last time a huge chunk of young men went to war?
[–]thowawaywookieFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Video game convention 😂
[–]not_a_paper_pusherFDS Newbie123 points124 points125 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
The last man that assaulted me bragged to me about being a protector. That he hated men that hurt women. Then denied everything when I reported him to the police for assaulting me. I bet he still believes he’s a protector that hates men that abuse women.
[–]AuroraDullikThrowaway Account29 points30 points31 points 3 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
They are not protectors, this is why we all need to learn to protect ourselves. Can’t depend on them.
Edit: lol men answering to this with “don’t generalize” you’re not helping.
[–]FaginRagetteFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think calling themselves our protectors was just a cynical move to deter women from running away from them. They have never protect us. Nor do they protect children or the vulnerable and weak. It's all women. Even female animals have to protect themselves and their babies from male animals and other predators so it's absolutely not "a man's nature to protect.". It's man's nature to harm. Obviously humans, being conscious and self-aware, they are able to overcome that. Some, however, don't even try.
[–]Orphanedpinkpetals4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Female animals also have to protect their babies from the babies own father!!! Rabbits and hamsters will try their damndest to kill their offspring. Whether it's chewing, stomping, kicking D=
[–][deleted] 85 points86 points87 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Remember that women also protect their families and especially their children. Being the “protector” is just one more thing men have unfairly taken all the credit for.
[–]just_takin_the_dFDS Apprentice24 points25 points26 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fuck yes! WE protect the women and children. WE call out men when they are being inappropriate to teenage girls. Only WOMEN in a nightclub stood up for me when a man groped me in front of everyone else. Men are cowards; they don't protect shit unless it benefits them.
[–]willowgrowingrootsFDS Disciple181 points182 points183 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
++performative sex 24/7
[–]iloveyoubabi4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
^ SO true.
[–]tellmesomething11FDS Apprentice78 points79 points80 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Scrub toilet, empty trash bathroom, wipe down dirty walls from children, fold clothes, switch out clothes when they no longer fit, replace light bulbs when burned out, wipe counters and baseboards, shampoo carpets, make appointments, figure out medical/ dental/school bills, clean sheets, decorate, throw parties for them 🙄🙄, be social, drink and get up early to work, look sexy, work out, Etc etc etc.
I can’t stand lazy bum ass men🤦🏽♀️
[–]ItsInTheVaultFDS Newbie54 points55 points56 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
The “make appointments and figure out medical/dental/school” is spot on and it’s the tip of the iceberg. And I have to do it, because if I don’t he won’t. We’re divorcing but I still handle everything because when I don’t the kids literally physically suffer.
Registration, permission slips for field trips, sports, activities, the immunization records, the daycare, school registration, communication with teachers and coaches, coordinating play dates, handling the mail and bills, etc. the paperwork is endless, stressful and time consuming.
What pissed me off the most is him giving me all the responsibility and then criticizing my decisions.
[–]tellmesomething11FDS Apprentice32 points33 points34 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Of course they criticize🤣 my ex would harp on me if I forgot one thing or was slumped in the corner from exhaustion....god forbid I called out of work because I was legitimately sick 😑😑I started responding “ You’re my biggest hater” and he was. To this day, I have never met anyone who wanted me to fail as badly as he did. Meanwhile I do everything now, am no longer with him, make money and make him kick rocks while he lives with his sister going to free happy hours. BUM!
[–]quentin_taranturtleFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
YUP! That last sentence is the story of my last relationship.
[–]thowawaywookieFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Clean up vomit, piss, shit from kids and pets. Hurray!
[–]notochordFDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes to all of this! And they might have one specific chore that they obsess over (maybe they hate seeing mail pile up or the trash can full) and they’ll think because they have their ONE CHORE, that they are equally sharing the housework.
Seriously, the deep cleaning tasks like wiping walls/baseboards, shampooing carpets, rotating the mattress, clean out the fridge... the list goes on and on.
[–]tellmesomething11FDS Apprentice4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s exhausting 🙄
[–]luna_prismaticFDS Newbie88 points89 points90 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Eh I don’t know if men even do “protect” though. Mate guard, sure, but that’s just for their own ego and insecurities. I’ve seen so many prank videos where the pranker jumps out/chases an unsuspecting couple (for example), and so many men run like hell, not even bothering to help the woman they’re with, lol. It makes you wonder what a lot of men would really do in a true crisis situation, despite action and hero movies pumping up their collective ego about what “heroes” and “kings” they all are. I think claiming to be a protector/provider is just a bragging right for other men tbh. Because we know a lot of men don’t actually bring shit to the table, and resent being asked to give literally anything, even stuff that’s free, like emotional support or giving a shit 💁🏻♀️
[–]ifragbunniezFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not true. Look into Garett Forest and what he took on for his fiancee, he jumped in front of her to shield her at a BLM protest and wound up dead. He started dating her when they were younger, and she developed a strange disease and became a quadriplegic. He was an Air Force Chief if I recall correctly, requested to be discharged came home and became her caretaker instead. When they were at the protest he was pushing her across the street, because she was a sitting duck when someone pulled up with a gun he jumped in front of her and saved her life. However she is not without him and he was her main source of care. I read this earlier this morning through various sources.
That is a HVM imo.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[removed]
[–]RavenWudgieRoseFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That's cool and all but I wonder how many women on average have seen something miraculous like that in real life more than men being abusive around them on a daily?
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think more women have been abused by men than saved, but the point is, men do defend women.
[–]SubstantialBedroom81FDS Newbie168 points169 points170 points 3 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
What even are they protecting from?
[–]ManchurianCantaloupeRuthless Strategist244 points245 points246 points 3 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Other, shittier men. If you're "lucky." 🙄
If every man on the face of the earth disappeared today, there would be nothing we needed protection from.
[–]chateauduchatFDS Newbie114 points115 points116 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
There is this wonderful tribe in Africa named the Umoja which is completely run by women and women only. There are also other variants of tribes in which the women are matriarchal and make the decisions and the men do the work. There’s a really great documentary on YouTube about it. They are safe havens from dangerous and abusive men, and the women protect each other.
[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Out of curiosity, what’s their dynamic like with other tribes? I love anthropology, and this is very interesting to me.
[–]biwinnyFDS Newbie45 points46 points47 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The other tribes try to attack them. Seriously. I watched a documentary and a couple of men from another tribe were bitching about how "women shouldn't be allowed to have that much freedom." Luckily, they seem to fight well enough to keep themselves happy and safe.
[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well that’s about what I expected.. glad they can hold their own though
[–]Orphanedpinkpetals1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How come men dont try to ruin it? Do they beat the men???
[–]thowawaywookieFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I love this!
[–]AuroraDullikThrowaway Account20 points21 points22 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. The idea of men as “protectors” is flawed.
[–]BovvsetteFDS Disciple53 points54 points55 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ideally no one, second best option from other depraved men disrespecting your and your kids' boundaries, sadly and realistically the biggest possibility is himself, knowing the statistics of women and children being abused or killed in their own homes at the hands of their ”loved ones”.
[–]not_a_paper_pusherFDS Newbie107 points108 points109 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
This is one of the reasons I opted out of having children, the women are expected to sacrifice their time and effort while men do the bare minimum
[–]throwawayathrowaway0FDS Newbie33 points34 points35 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same, sis. A dog or cat is plenty because I can take care of either on my own. But taking care of kids on my own? No thanks.
[–]smitty4728FDS Newbie[🍰] 3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same. Even with a well-intentioned partner, society has shaped both genders to accept that the domestic work, by and large, "defaults" to the woman. Men are often allowed to throw their hands up and say "I don't know" and walk away, while women are more expected to figure it out. Their careers and social life can suffer, because motherhood is supposedly a "noble sacrifice".
I dated a guy a long time ago who was a total jerk. He would wax poetic about our (hypothetical) children and how he'd love to play sports with them or whatever (which is fine!), but do you think he once offered to babysit any of his sister's four kids to get the experience? Do you think he changed one diaper, even just to help? Not once. So he wanted all the fun parts of being a parent, but all the non-fun stuff, in his mind, would default to me. Ugh.
And life!!! We are #3 in birth deaths still I believe.
[–]ShieldMaidenLagerthaFDS Apprentice73 points74 points75 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh y’all...reading that “protect” gave me a flashback! One time when I was living with ex, our doorbell malfunctioned and was ringing nonstop, which was a very creepy and unnerving thing to happen at night. Well my gem of an ex tried to hide behind me and use me as a shield when we went to investigate. Protect, indeeeeeed.... 🤦♀️🤣🤡🔔
[–]pascalinesFDS Newbie62 points63 points64 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Who are men supposed to be protecting us from?? Oh right.....men.
[–]BabyGothQFDS Newbie40 points41 points42 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This isn’t even including be hairless, wear makeup, dress well, and sex. Which is by nature penetrative and by culture, at best, a hazard. Worrying about birth control, pregnancy, STDs.
[–]quentin_taranturtleFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don’t forget uti’s, the bane of my existence
[–]booboodoughnutFDS Newbie50 points51 points52 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Far too much on the ‘men’ section- it was better left blank tbh
[–]FrequentAardvark0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hahahahahaha the shade 😹
[–]neon_skeltonFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My NVM ex would say he did everything around the house because I asked him to do the weekly grocery shop.
He wanted to shop at Aldi and that doesn’t do online delivery. So someone had to go and do the groceries, and I have less time as I both work and study full time.
I would explain to him that when I did the grocery shop by myself, I would look around the house for items that need replenishing and write those on the list. He would expect me to keep a running inventory in my head and never check. I would plan out meals for both of us for the week and add items we needed. He never planned or cooked meals. Then I would bring the groceries home and unpack them, making sure to put everything in its correct spot. He would throw (literally throw) raw chicken onto the top shelf of the fridge, directly on top of raw vegetables.
So, in my eyes, he never actually did the full task of grocery shopping because I had to hold his hand and do the rest. They can’t or won’t even do something simple like that.
[–]PaintedThreadFDS Newbie40 points41 points42 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I've had this discussion with a guy once and his reply was "Nuh uh! We fix the sink, the fence (wtf), and mow the lawn!" Sir...
[–]ItsInTheVaultFDS Newbie35 points36 points37 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Right? You do that every day for hours? Or once every few weeks?
[–]quentin_taranturtleFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Few months if you’re lucky
[–]notochordFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just cause they think they can do handyman tasks, doesn’t mean they actually can. My ex was an engineer so that “qualified” him to do various lighting and plumbing modifications on my house (I stupidly let him instead of insisting to hire a professional) and now even after he’s out, I’m dealing with water damage from an improperly installed kitchen sink... still waiting to hear from the plumber how much it’ll cost to fix. All because Mr Desk Job wanted to play with power tools.
[–]MarbleWorldRuthless Strategist74 points75 points76 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She forgot personal porn star
[–]FrequentAardvark1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
GGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLL
Let’s not trigger me
[–]sleeping_prettyFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You also become their sister because you have to bend your back for their parents....
[–]ShieldMaidenLagerthaFDS Apprentice40 points41 points42 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They forgot Social Secretary and Entertainment Director!
[–]CloacaDiddlerFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The woman’s list can definitely be added to
[–]giggirltraFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yep! Straight up my LVM loser of an ex husband. 🙌🏻 Ultimately wanted a divorce because apparently even ALL OF THAT wasn’t good enough. On top of working a full time job.
[–]notigglybuffFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Wow, the audacity! My ex-husband was unemployed for years and I supported him. Then he got a job, I was working and studying full time, building my own small business, cleaning the house, cooking, raising our child, taking care of everything, and then he came home and yelled at me if I was sitting down to get up my ass and do something every once in a while. He yelled at me a lot (in front of our small child) that I don't ever do shit and I'm being a drama queen for being depressed. I thank my lucky stars for finding this sub.
[–]giggirltraFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Me too, holy hell!
[–]NihilisticBuddhismFDS Newbie36 points37 points38 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Protect should’ve been in quotation marks lol
[–]Curo_sanFDS Newbie33 points34 points35 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Big reason I don't want to have children is that majority of childrearing is left to the mother. No fucking thanks.
[–]moosecakiesFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Where the hell is ‘act like a porn actress (but be a virgin) ‘ on the men’s wants ?! 🙄🤦🏻♀️🤮
[–]skyerippaFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Forgot personal porn star
[–]purrlikabawsFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The audacity when an LVM, 4/10, overweight, +10 years on me says that he is used always being in relationships where it was 50/50. Yeah okay, byeeeeeee! That's what happens when I lower my standards. Never again!
[–]Littlebunny080FDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Omg this femoiselle account on insta is just pure gold, it’s amazing! A great start for your level up journey.
[–]bbch2019FDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 3 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
It's not equal which us why I am 42, not married and have no kids. I have seen this as an unfair situation being an outside observer with majority of the women I know, with few exceptions. Those with the exceptions have healthy balanced relationships and I won't settle for anything than that.
[–]grand_tiremasterPickmeisha™️5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Future husband needs to help with all of the above, but I ain't gonna be working or going half on the bills. I'm just not going to be. Everything else is enough.
Western women have been duped yet western men claim oppression and gynocentrism!!! Can you imagine how happy some of these scrotes male ancestors would be to have a sex slave who also brings home the bacon so they can stay in the cabin and whack it till it cracks!???
[–]manisfestationqueenFDS Apprentice11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
To me it's 100/100 I do my part all the way, and you do yours all the way. If you see me struggling of course help me out, take initiative. A smart man knows if he helps out, or takes initiative, then the woman will have more energy for intimacy. If I'm cooking I'm going all in, but I expect you to be the same way. Both committed into what we bring in
[–]throwaway23004345FDS Newbie[S] 22 points23 points24 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Girl you know this never happens. Men don’t have to go through labor pains, depression, bleeding, birth control, STI etcs. Women will always have more of a burden
[–]manisfestationqueenFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So exactly my point. We're doing 100 of the birthing therefore we expect them to be 100 involved, wether is providing, or anything else we ask.
[–]Orphanedpinkpetals2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
" protect "
[–]ballsquancherFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I am grateful that my man shares ALL of these responsibilities with me. Without even having to ask. You all deserve the same.
[–]thewifeaquatic1FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dont forget to keep it tight, fuck like a pornstar, and forgive a lil weekend cheating
[–]GayKPOPCatsFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
AJSHSHSHSJAJSHAA SORRY I READ THE FIRST THING AS “SPLIT THE BALLS” WHATGAJSSJDSJDHADHS
[–]La1ka4040 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Damn you get guys like that? Happy to live in Scandinavia lol.
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[–]quentin_taranturtleFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]booboodoughnutFDS Newbie50 points51 points52 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]FrequentAardvark0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]neon_skeltonFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PaintedThreadFDS Newbie40 points41 points42 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]ItsInTheVaultFDS Newbie35 points36 points37 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]quentin_taranturtleFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]notochordFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MarbleWorldRuthless Strategist74 points75 points76 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]FrequentAardvark1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sleeping_prettyFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ShieldMaidenLagerthaFDS Apprentice40 points41 points42 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CloacaDiddlerFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]giggirltraFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]notigglybuffFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]giggirltraFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NihilisticBuddhismFDS Newbie36 points37 points38 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Curo_sanFDS Newbie33 points34 points35 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]moosecakiesFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]skyerippaFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]purrlikabawsFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Littlebunny080FDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bbch2019FDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]grand_tiremasterPickmeisha™️5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Orphanedpinkpetals4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]manisfestationqueenFDS Apprentice11 points12 points13 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwaway23004345FDS Newbie[S] 22 points23 points24 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]manisfestationqueenFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Orphanedpinkpetals2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ballsquancherFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]thewifeaquatic1FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]GayKPOPCatsFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]La1ka4040 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link