For Those that did ALL the housework

17throwaway-scorpio · 2024-02-04T22:53:50+00:00

Yes, much better. My ex was very messy as a person. Leaving her stuff all over the place.

Now, the place is cleaner and more organized. I have a roommate who also cleans up after themselves as well.

thro281 · 2024-02-04T19:19:45+00:00

She worked from home and can’t maintain the house so we have a housekeeper come once a month. When she is gone on her girls trips the house is easier to clean. Once she moves out I’m canceling the cleaning service, I’m eating leftovers, I’m going to eat out less, I’m canceling HBO, YouTube TV, and my cell phone bill goes down.

OPs_Mom_and_Dad · 2024-02-02T20:57:53+00:00

Yup, this was me. Though, my wife would often tell me what to do (regardless of the fact that I was doing it already and/or would have done it without her insistence) and then tell the world she accomplished the chores through delegation.

Ok-Barracuda-8970 · 2024-01-31T20:34:54+00:00

Dude I tried so hard to compromise with housework until I went blue in the face. Fuck. So I just decided to do all of it. I wasn't in a partnership at all. I just had a messy roommate.

Saucypanda208 · 2024-01-31T04:43:53+00:00

I would say yes after me and my wife split iv been a free man for the last 2 months and it just seems like everything is easier to do and I can get more done in the day considering I don’t have “master” looming over me and everything I do….. Happily divorced!

Signal-Dot2326 · 2024-01-31T02:09:15+00:00

When she left and I was in marital house by myself with our child 50% of the time I thought I was gonna notice a difference, in fact it seems like cleaning the house is easier the house is spotless 99% of the time and I spend prob 2 hours a week MAX cleaning

xjeeperx · 2024-01-30T23:47:20+00:00

Man, something about cleaning up after yourself is so much easier than cleaning up after yourself and someone else. Especially when the other person who didn’t clean up after you or themselves wants to criticize your effort.

black65Cutlass · 2024-01-30T14:24:25+00:00

Plus, with my ex-wife and her kids gone, nothing gets as dirty or cluttered and the cleaning is so much easier!

Due-Ad4708 · 2024-01-30T13:14:37+00:00

Yes, and my bathroom looks spotless without all her creams scattered everywhere.

Orthanon · 2024-01-30T11:06:01+00:00

Yup. Only having to cook a few times a week because I'm willing to eat leftovers. Less dishes and clothes generated daily. Also being able to actually save money. It is sooo much easier.

OlDirty1979 · 2024-01-30T05:10:08+00:00

Yes, I did pretty much everything for the ex-wife because her back hurt except when she wanted to go to a TV series convention. It was like working a second job.

And my ex-gf after the divorce was grooming me to be her “do-it-all” which I eventually caught on to. The last straw was her wanting me to help her buy her dream house but complained the yard was too big for her to take care of alone. Hint, hint. No, thank you.

DannyboyRN · 2024-01-30T01:28:39+00:00

She chose to keep the house. It's been entertaining to hear her complain about how much work it is to keep the house clean.

Also, I think they door dash on the daily.

It's been incredible to no longer be a debt slave to an out of control spend-o-holic.

Crafty-Way-6860 · 2024-01-29T19:02:43+00:00

These comments are a trip. You guys can thank the feminist movement, worse thing to ever happen to women.

kharon86 · 2024-01-30T01:17:38+00:00

I had this same experience, one thing OP didn't mention was doing the budget. What a breeze it became to maintain and stick to a budget with only one debit card being swiped. No more holy shit 45 last week in dunkin charges that I didn't know about.

Various_Somewhere633 · 2024-01-30T01:04:57+00:00

Just curious, what did X do with her time?

Trying2understandY · 2024-01-30T00:14:17+00:00

100%!!! I had to do all the parenting, and tend to the ex’s needs.

IllustriousCry672 · 2024-01-30T00:09:37+00:00

I did most of the chores here, too, and was the only one who worked. No kids.

Life's easier, chorewise now, I don't use a lot of dishes when cooking and have a system so I'm done with chores before sunday afternoon, and that's when I do most of them.

bk2747 · 2024-01-29T22:39:23+00:00

No more marriages for you. Shouldn’t have done it a second time. Stop getting married.

Grand_Alps9214 · 2024-01-29T22:36:53+00:00

Same here. Main (and for 2 years only breadwinner). Did most the chores (washing to cooking) and now that she is gone my life is simpler. Better systems in place and place is less cluttered. She did do a good job deep cleaning the house (better than me) but besides that everything is simpler and cleaner here.

From washing - to kitchen - to overall place. I prefer it this way. :)

Is0prene · 2024-01-29T22:16:23+00:00

I have noticed since the divorce my life has gotten much more complicated than it was before, but its gotten way way WAYYYYYYY easier. Worst part about doing all the chores was how she would tell me I wasn't doing them right. Like bitch please, if you want it done differently, then get your ass down off the couch, put your phone down and help for once.

spons52 · 2024-01-29T22:07:45+00:00

YES!! But now I am free!! I was the breadwinner and took care of the household while she was unemployed and felt sorry for herself, but would criticize me for whatever she chose to feel like a victim about that day. Now I have more money, more time, and a cleaner house than I ever have, and I'm in the best shape of my life. I thought divorce was going to be the end of me, but it turns out it's the best thing that has ever happened to me! :)

Capable_Luck_2817 · 2024-01-29T21:07:30+00:00

I did more chores than my ex, was the primary breadwinner, and also paid for a biweekly housekeeper. Somehow one of her excuses for cheating/leaving was that I “did nothing around the house”. I thought it was an interesting criticism, coming from the woman who left stacks of dirty dishes for me to clean up after all three meals every single day.

sak144 · 2024-01-29T20:47:18+00:00

We had a cleaning crew come in every week to wash dishes, floors, bathrooms, etc. $300 a week because all that stuff "was just too hard". The place was always a wreck regardless.

My house now is cleaner than ever and I am actually shocked just how easy it is to clean a house. Washing machines, dishwasher, vacuuming, Swiffer, the disposable toilet scrubbing brushes....not too hard to get all housework done during commercial breaks for a random movie on TV or just an hour or two of downtime.

The part I still can't quite grasp is that my washing machine only runs once or twice a week now versus once or twice a day and the dishwasher runs only when it is full, which is really maybe once a week now. Utility bills have crashed through the floor.

I was naive and kind of dumb believing that housework was equivalent to a full-time job. Not even close.

BaldieGoose · 2024-01-29T20:34:17+00:00

Yep 100%. I go to pick up my kids and her dishes, laundry, garage junk are all piled high.

Efficient_Olive8251 · 2024-01-29T20:22:00+00:00

Same experience for me. Her house is now FILTHY, and if she does manage to cook something outside of getting fast food, it’s box Mac and cheese or Hamburger Helper. Laundry doesn’t get folded, my kids drawers are empty half the time when I’m looking to grab PJs after I give them both a bath if I’m at her house. If they’re staying at my place for the weekend I still cook, still wash and fold a couple loads of laundry, but I don’t mind it a bit. Take a lot of pride in cooking good meals for them and keeping the place tidy.

landy_109 · 2024-01-29T19:54:56+00:00

Not only house work for us, also for a friend. I was my wife's cripple carer. I will write about it in pieces I think.

Crafty-Way-6860 · 2024-01-29T18:57:35+00:00

My wife and I recently discussed divorce but decided to take a step back and work on things. I will say during our whole relationship I haven't had to lift a finger at home. If you ask her that is probably her biggest issue but in my defense she has always just done it all and literally never asked for help. She will google how to repair things and get the tools out even. I'm reading all these comments and I'm surprised to be honest. Is that's what's out there these days? You guys are doing everything and working? That's nuts.

MidniteOG · 2024-01-29T18:51:04+00:00

I did what I could as my work schedule would allow and my X would allow. They had this anxiety where if it didn’t get done, they would dwell on it. So of course that became a scorecard which only made me look bad

But now I am free to do things on my time without the nagging and constant reminders that they “had to do” this or that

Guest78911 · 2024-01-29T18:33:52+00:00

Yes mine was a bit more of a pain, she did not like how I did my chores and would take over and do it to her liking. I always had to remind her that I was her husband not an employee.

Dapper_Employer5787 · 2024-01-29T18:07:32+00:00

She does things but half asses the chores. For example she does laundry but will just leave all the clothes in a pile on top of the dryer to wrinkle. Or washes dishes, but only plates and leaves all the silverware on the sink

Beamformer · 2024-01-29T17:45:30+00:00

Chores were another scorecard for her. I told her many years ago, don't do anything for me or the kid if it means you have to bitch about doing it. So she quit doing anything that would benefit us (laundry, shopping...etc).

In the decades we were married... she never learned to cook anything beyond dumping some cans in a crock-pot or skillet. I got really good as a consequence, and now my GF reaps the rewards.

Fwooply · 2024-01-29T17:43:32+00:00

I didn't do everything, just most of it. She did dishes (kind of), laundry, and managed the bills. She excused herself from everything else tho. She drew that line and reinforced it with screaming and even violence.

The threat of divorce can empower women in ridiculous ways. My ex knew she had the control and was pretty outrageous with it.

I think most women have a sense of ethics or at least a sense of guilt. She had neither. She made no issue of leveraging my fear of a divorce. Maybe she thought the courts would have her back. They didn't. She got half of the assets but no alimony.

But to answer your question, life is much easier without her.

JonathanApple · 2024-01-29T17:29:27+00:00

Yup, and apparently my ex doesn't know how or like to clean the toilet according to kiddo. Sigh.

Lululemonparty_ · 2024-01-29T17:28:11+00:00

My chores changed somewhat, so there are some I no longer need to do since I am no longer in a house. When I had been married and in a house, it was brutal. Things needed to get done and the ex-Satan would fight me about it. This would be fights over basic things like mopping the floors. She was a hoarder and fought me about cleaning or throwing anything out. Any basic home maintenance or repairs were more fights. Now I am in a condo and I can keep the place nice and clean with no trash anywhere and no excess junk. Plus, I do not have that mosquito buzzing in my ear nagging me.

Speesh-Reads · 2024-01-29T17:10:08+00:00

It’s easier not having someone constantly in your neck chirping in with “you’re not going to leave that there, are you?!” every time you’re halfway through a job

Complicatedlogic · 2024-01-29T17:03:49+00:00

Payed most of the bills, handled all the childcare and housework. Cooked 95% of the meals. Somehow wasn’t doing enough, she didn’t contribute at all.

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-01-29T16:41:13+00:00

Yeah I pretty much did everything. To her credit while our son was young enough to need her attention she was an all star mother. He was always cared for. Once he became independent and could take care of himself she got sucked into her phone one day and never returned.

Now she has her own place which she keeps spotless. That annoys the heck out of me lol

hip-hoperation · 2024-01-29T16:37:49+00:00

My stbxw is finally moving out in 2 weeks. About 2 weeks ago I stopped doing any cleaning/tidying because, well, what’s the point when she’ll just make it messy again in a few hours. She’s definitely noticed, but hasn’t seemed to click that it was me doing all the work, and she’s confused about why the house is so messy all of a sudden. Anyway, in 2 weeks I’ll tidy and clean the house top to bottom and it’ll just stay clean and tidy from then on.

gorillavstiger · 2024-01-29T15:42:49+00:00

Ex was a SAHM, realized after she moved out of the house how little she did. She made it seem like such a chore to make dinner majority of the nights, really isn't that hard. Plus I enjoy it.

Rare_Supermarket_482 · 2024-01-29T15:33:03+00:00

I actually got criticized for cleaning. I was told I was OCD for putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher nightly, sweeping the kitchen floor, cleaning toilets weekly, and changing linens on saturday/sunday. Never got a thank you. Instead got told it made her feel like she was lazy and that it took away from time together. In other words, because i wanted to clean up baby toys/clean the kitchen after dinner before settling down for the night, I prioritized cleaning over our relationship

SpacemanLost · 2024-01-29T15:19:49+00:00

Similar story here. Ex was a SAHM but I did the vast majority of chores and cleaning. As for cooking she did sometimes, but I sure did get a ton of calls asking me to pick up food from a restaurant on the way home. After we separated, that part of life got a lot easier for me.

SkeptiCynical · 2024-01-29T14:43:18+00:00

I experienced the same. It's easier because you don't have a instigating agent in your home and you're cleaning up after fewer people.

New-Amoeba9042 · 2024-01-29T14:42:46+00:00

I was the only who worked, and did most the chores. She would cook and put away groceries, but bathroom, floors, laundry, trash, dishes, yard work, etc was all me.

I don’t do the same level of chores now that she left, so I spend less time doing chores. I cook for myself, and usually use 3 dishes. When she cooked, it would always be double digits.

I don’t separate my laundry into as many piles, and I do bigger loads, so I do less laundry.

I clean the floors weekly, rather than multiple times a week.

Things like that.

But yea, living alone, even in the same house is much easier. Other issues I have with my life currently l, but it’s a much easier life, at least

doppleganger2621 · 2024-01-29T14:38:52+00:00

I definitely noticed this. I did literally everything and actually it’s a lot easier now—also helps I don’t have my kids half the time to mess it up haha

Also, my new partner loves to cook too, so we either cook together or a few nights a week someone makes ME dinner. It’s fantastic!

Title	For Those that did ALL the housework
Author	One_Cartographer_465
Upvotes	98
Comments	95
Date	January 29, 2024 2:37 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1adws3c/for_those_that_did_all_the_housework/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/for-those-that-did-all-the-housework.1244105 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244105

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