Cry me a river

Hhjjuuy · 2021-09-05T06:22:18+00:00

every hook up I've had its been empty, like I didn't feel anything at all.

Why was this man expecting emotional fulfilment from hook ups?

LittleSnackPack58 · 2021-09-05T06:45:23+00:00

He sounds like Joe Goldberg from the TV show You. Joe would fantasize about Beck or any other woman he saw for 5 seconds and write a whole love novel in his head. This is not normal. Someone needs to warn Genny

pickmieshaexorcist · 2021-09-05T05:27:31+00:00

This is actually scary. To have this level of obsession for a girl who barely knew you existed ten years ago. Yikes. Either he’s really scary and has obsession that could escalate to dark places, or….he’s full of shit and just using it as an excuse for his glaring lack of empathy and his intimacy issues.

europoor24 · 2021-09-05T04:48:55+00:00

he wasted someone's time for 3 years and he's the victim?

Peak_Tree · 2021-09-05T04:24:38+00:00

He can't get over his HS classmate after 10 years?!!! A girl that never dated him, never slept with him, never kissed him and he is still obsessed a whole decade after they stopped sharing a space.

This man needs therapy and to be dumped asap.

bookworm1896 · 2021-09-05T06:36:55+00:00

His problem is not that Genny has a boyfriend. He never describes what was so special about her or what he even liked about her. He has made up a perfect fantasy Genny and fantasizes about their life together. He would be so miserable when he would learn that Genny is a real woman. It's not love in any way, it is a creepy obsessive crush.

theredwolf07 · 2021-09-05T10:46:43+00:00

Men really will do anything except go to therapy.

Street_Narwhal_3361 · 2021-09-05T05:48:46+00:00

Sounds like a classic case of limerence to me and the only thing for that is therapy.

bonzi5650 · 2021-09-05T10:45:29+00:00

I dated a guy like this. He had a crush/obsession with me for almost 15 years. All cause we went to a Halloween dance together in grade school. Thought he was my friend honestly cause he always treated me kindly but any time I was single or about to be he would ramp up the lovey and I gave him a shot.

Once in high school and once as an adult we tried "dating" . We never lasted more than a month and it was just scary when I realized how crazy his ass was. He admitted he was obsessed with me, and almost flunked a grade we "dated" because he'd sit there thinking about me. Also asked to have my child even if we didn't work out a couple years ago. Finally dropped him like a toxic potato.

The whole childhood crush/obsession happily ever after trope you see in life time movies is not cute. They're a stalker.

MissouriBlue · 2021-09-05T07:29:04+00:00

Run, Genny! Run!

dancedancedance7 · 2021-09-05T05:20:33+00:00

Ah yes, because another woman can resolve mental problems /s.

YouProbablyDo · 2021-09-05T04:35:29+00:00

She isn’t even real to him, he only has a fantasy in his mind that will be impossible to live up to. Hopefully, he never gets the chance. He is giving stalker vibes.

excusemeILY · 2021-09-05T09:11:39+00:00

Guyyyyy, highschool romances are meant to be silly little things we laugh and reminisce about as we get older, not things we bring with us in adulthood wtf. And he didn’t even have a romance with her, he had an infatuation 😬 who’s sleeping with this man, I need answers, how are they not seeing the red flags

PessimisticAna · 2021-09-05T12:51:09+00:00

It's not her he can't get over, it's his idea of her. I bet if he'd actually talked to her and got close he'd realise she's just human. I feel sorry for his ex.

engineergorl · 2021-09-05T04:40:12+00:00

This is….creepy. “Genny” probably doesn’t even remember this guy.

Oli_love90 · 2021-09-05T08:19:37+00:00

One of the fears I have (of many) of pursing relationships is men like this. Men who’d use me as a distraction from their real point of interest. Who barely even think I’m attractive but need a warm body to make them feel desirable. This is such a pathetic, sad situation.

throwaway-fds · 2021-09-05T09:09:33+00:00

Men do this all the time, and it's annoying. They have a term for it, "oneitis". It's The One + itis (like some sort of disease, because it is). Not specifically for some random highschool girl they glanced at 10+ years ago and played make believe in their head, but for any girl they obsessive over and deem "The one" despite not making a move at all.

ConsiderationOk3394 · 2021-09-05T06:15:34+00:00

It's because they don't see women as actual autonomous human beings with their own wishes and their own flaws, human in the same way that they are human. He was never in love with the actual woman, he was and always will be in love with his perfect, idealized image of her in his head that he can eternally project shit onto. No real woman will ever be good enough because she is, well, real and not a figment of his imagination. If he had gotten together with her, he would have obsessed over someone else. I have never seen a woman with a years-long completely baseless obsession like that and doubt I will ever see one because women do see men as complete imperfect and real human beings.

It's like with Petrarca, dude saw a seventeen-year-old girl in church once (while in his 20s), then wrote HUNDREDS of love poems about her over decades. Meanwhile, the woman or women who bore him two children are nameless. He would have never written those poems if he had gotten to be with Laura because then he would have been forced to see her as a human being and not an illusion of his own making. This has been an episode of "Scrotery Through The Ages" by Me.

kaoutanu · 2021-09-05T12:13:50+00:00

I knew a guy like that once. Just couldn't stop obsessing about some girl he'd went to school with. He dated a bunch of women and eventually got married and then divorced, still obsessed. I don't want to dox them but I'll just say it ended in a way I consider harmful.

Scarily there seem to be so many guys out there like that. Advice forums here on reddit get guys like this all the time - obsessed to the point of disfunction over someone they barely know. I despair for men's mental health.

ennu_i_sao · 2021-09-05T15:37:03+00:00

This reminds me of someone I went to high school with who had a similar trauma with a girl(except her name was Jenny). Similar story where he met her at 14 and they had the same class until 16. Then, I think she moved school and he legit managed to follow her to the other school. I know all this because luckily another girl warned me he was only friendly with me because we seemed similar. Actually, while it’s not as dramatic, I know a lot of men in my life who do not know the concept of letting go of feelings or changing feelings after a breakup. The feelings might be less dominant but they keep a tiny flame alive

blackmetalbetty · 2021-09-05T19:28:12+00:00

Meanwhile, Genny's consulting her own subs to figure out how she can protect herself from a creep who's obsessed with her.

Main_Manner_2904 · 2021-09-05T09:05:44+00:00

This is what’s wrong with the whole “soulmates” belief. Men use it to justify behavior that’s insane. Love is not some mystical thing - it’s two people who have sexual chemistry agreeing to treat each other with mutual respect & to trust each other/be trustworthy to each other. It’s when you find someone you like, and the two of you have similar goals & live similar lifestyles, and you get to know each other’s morals, values, and priorities, and after a certain point you decide you’d make good life partners & decide to be exclusive.

Love isn’t infatuation. Love isn’t lust. Love isn’t when some mystical fairy leads you to someone & you just know in your gut they’re the one & keep pursuing them even when they’ve moved on or even when it’s clear you two are not compatible life partners & your relationship would not be healthy. Frankly, this new age (as in a couple hundred years old at most) concept of love is not romantic - it’s a justification for men to do stuff that’s creepy & weird. And then when the girl doesn’t reciprocate, sometimes they get angry & turn violent.

Probably the best litmus test for if you’re in love is the realization that love is selfless. If the person you “love” is in a happy relationship and you’re hoping for it to fail so you’ll have a shot at them, you don’t love that person. You’re obsessed with them, and frankly, you’re selfish. There is no higher power leading you to them and you are not meant to be together - you’re just delusional, and you need to let them go.

Datonecatladyukno · 2021-09-05T12:50:32+00:00

This is terrifying

BananaSlugGhost · 2021-09-05T16:40:51+00:00

He does not know or love the real Genny. He wants to endlessly chase the idealized version of Genny in his head so he can continue to suffer, which is comfortable for him. He knows he will never get Genny, and this way he gets to avoid being close to anyone. Classic unhealed avoidant attachment bullshit plus objectification (Genny is not a real person to him, she’s a symbol).

Wkndwhorechata · 2021-09-05T18:45:42+00:00

They're not even friends. It's some girl he was in the same class with.

He's in love with the idea... of this 16 year old girl.

aspermyprevious · 2021-09-05T12:08:16+00:00

Yikes, that’s obsession, not love. I hope Genny moves far, far away. Terrifying.

AlegalHuman · 2021-09-05T11:58:40+00:00

This scares me.

mesloh14 · 2021-09-05T15:28:50+00:00

This is how men turn into violent stalkers..

sevenmoonnight · 2021-09-05T19:39:36+00:00

Probably the Genny he "loves" exists only in his mind. Like, he doesnt really know Genny the real person. Also, 10 years??. I was in love with my best friend from highschool, never happened and when we graduated i never thought of him again. I can't imagine spending 10 years thinking about someone you weren't even close with.

miss_peach94 · 2021-09-06T02:54:54+00:00

This is majority of men with their first girlfriends to some extent might I add lmfao

ALysistrataType · 2021-09-05T11:08:03+00:00

What a weirdo

Turbulent_Trifle · 2021-09-06T02:44:40+00:00

Narrator: And here we observe another melodramatic scrote with main character syndrome.

IndigoTR · 2021-09-05T19:08:12+00:00

Embarrassing and pathetic is right. And watch the moment he “got” Genny he would find some 18 year old a year later and “fall in love” with her.

This is a tactic men use to avoid being good partners/having to be fully present. “I’m still in love with her, and I can’t help my FEeLiNGsss!!!!”

ferociouslycurious · 2021-09-06T02:36:52+00:00

Men can change their focus if they want to. He has actively chosen not to, so he’s worked to earn his own fate. Chances are if he was with “Genny” he’d suddenly lose the ability to care for her and he’d cheat on her too. HVM choose to stay focused on the woman they love. There’s a point in marriage where it’s past magical love and down to where you place your focus and effort

avocadobarbie · 2021-09-05T17:19:21+00:00

Every post I see and every interaction I have with men can be summed up in one sentence: “women aren’t people, they exist to serve me” This man had no problem using women to try to fill this void, completely disregarded their humanity. Then there’s the genny girl who he doesn’t even know. Doesn’t know a single thing about this woman but somehow loves her and if she wasn’t in a relationship they’d totally be together. She’s not human to him either. Just a made up fantasy to him who would almost certainly disappoint him by not parroting who she was in his head.

misandryisnotreal · 2021-09-05T19:34:59+00:00

Can you imagine the amount of privilege it takes to be a grownass adult who can post something like this with a straight face? Like… Kim, there’s people that are dying.

Title	Cry me a river
Author	RuminatingRhino
Upvotes	785
Comments	80
Date	September 5, 2021 4:00 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pi61k4/cry_me_a_river/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/cry-me-a-river.1066814 https://theredarchive.com/post/1066814

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