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highly_lake_lee
[–]madamejesaistoutFDS Newbie 246 points247 points248 points 2 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Normalize the term "f*ckzoned"!
[–]NotMyRealName814FDS Newbie 74 points75 points76 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Absolutely! We need to flip this bullshit on its ass.
[–]pest0 35 points36 points37 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
i’ve always said, men friendzone just as much as women. they’ll just still fuck you in the meantime
[–]AineofTheWoodsFDS Newbie 13 points14 points15 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You're so right.
[–]BellaMobFDS Apprentice 366 points367 points368 points 2 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
It's really painful. I experienced a lot of fake male friends and strongly advise focusing on friendships with women instead. I was into videogames for a while so experienced some extreme versions of men pretending. Had possessive male friends who got angry, stalked me and guilt tripped me into spending more time with just them them because of issues they invented. Has a "friend" who lied about having cancer. Had a "friend" kept sending me emails just to "catch up" for 7-8 years AFTER I told him to leave me alone and blocked him everywhere. Had male friends who completely ignored me once they got a girlfriend. Also one guy confessed he doesn't want to introduce me to other male friends because he doesn't want them to "have me". Overall it's just not worth.
[–]AsizellaFDS Newbie 215 points216 points217 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"Gamer" men act like life is literally a video game, and if they could just figure out the right combination of dialogue options they can unlock sex with you. It's pathetic. The second I stopped trying to make male friends and focused on building female friendships instead, especially in that arena, I became so much happier not having to deal with all that craziness and feeling worthless, like the only thing I was good for was my genitals.
[–]chinkymai 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I feel this
[+][deleted] 2 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]blackmetalbettyFDS Newbie 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I am a fellow man.
You don't belong here.
[–]Junior-Lion7893FDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How the hell did he get through?!!!!!
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
FDS MODS please help!
[–]lzbthFDS Newbie 202 points203 points204 points 2 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Something relevant happened to me recently.
I went to a performing arts high school and had the same piano duet partner all four years. Let’s call him “David.” We had a sweet little low key friendship throughout high school.
We’re in our early 30s now and lived in opposite coasts for all 15ish years between high school and now. He reaches out to me because he’s going to live in my city for a couple of months. We meet up for a drink and have a lovely time. David seems evolved, intelligent, open to criticism and growth. It was quite nice and I left the evening thinking I was really proud of the person David had grown up to become.
He invites me over to his house party and it’s all a new-age, poly, ENM web of “friends” who live and travel the world together. I have fun meeting his “primary” partner and he confides in me that she never seems truly happy when he meets up with casual dates. (Go figure 🤦🏻♀️.)
Later in the evening David starts talking about how he has found that sleeping with his friends has been a way for him to deepen his connection with the people in his life. Another way to show love. I then follow up by saying that I don’t sleep with my friends because the friendships are too important for me to jeopardize with any unnecessary complication. He becomes pensive and then proceeds to move on to talking to other people at the party. He was testing my boundaries.
When it became clear I would not be open to sleeping with him, David mentally disconnected from me and didn’t contact me again to meet and hang out before he left town.
This was the disappointment of the season for me.
[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice 42 points43 points44 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
starts talking about how he has found that sleeping with his friends has been a way for him to deepen his connection with the people in his life. Another way to show love
you don't need to fuck someone to "deepen" the connection, sir.
I always heard that sex ruins friendships. Once a man enters that territory he is either a boyfriend or a future something-something. there is no in-between.
[–]FDSDedicated 24 points25 points26 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Ugh, I feel slimy just from reading that. I'm sorry your friend was such a disappointment.
[–]lzbthFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you. 😒
[–]ccro7FDS Newbie 12 points13 points14 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
No loss. He expected you to fuck him for the honour of staying in his life.
Buh-bye, David. Don't let the door hit your audacious arse on the way out.
[–]lzbthFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you. 🥰
[–]miwamusFDS Newbie 46 points47 points48 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If I had a penny for all the manipulative men I've met.
[–]riseaboveagainFDS Apprentice 29 points30 points31 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’ve been disappointed by men over and over again so many times over the course of my long life.
[–]notsomagicalgirl 28 points29 points30 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
He’s a piece of shit. People who are into poly/new age are the worst offenders. They don’t get as much crap as the typical men who sleep around because it is part of their “belief system”. They don’t believe in anything besides getting laid.
[–]lzbthFDS Newbie 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
TOTAL agreement.
[–]herbivorouscarnivoreFDS Newbie 288 points289 points290 points 2 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Scrotes: “Well maybe if you f***ed him you’d still have a friend!” 🤦🏻♀️
[–]highly_lake_leeFDS Newbie[S] 120 points121 points122 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Such bullshit!! I hate that it is like this, but it is sooooo common!
[–]herbivorouscarnivoreFDS Newbie 74 points75 points76 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Here’s how it should work: I had a male friend at work. And then he asked me out. I told him that I had a boyfriend. He apologized, treated me the same as always, and the next time there was an event, invited me AND my boyfriend. My coworker friend behaved exactly as a man should when he actually sees a woman as a fellow human being.
[–]MeredeenFDS Newbie 66 points67 points68 points 2 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Lol fucking this, having sex isn't like swapping a hug or a handshake you fucking Neanderthals. They admitting they have bro sex with their friends then? 😂 Such bullshit. They literally will say fucking anything to avoid accountability even if the things they are saying are so goddamn dumb that they make no sense. They would rather look like morons, anything to get you to stop 'nagging' them.
[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice 17 points18 points19 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
men also like to claim they don't catch feelings easy. so maybe that's them sampling the sexual pantry and shitting all over the emotional investment you wasted on their "friendship".
[–]FrowzyCosmogyralFDS Newbie 205 points206 points207 points 2 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I’ve given up on male friendships because of this.
[–]xpressurself111FDS Newbie 27 points28 points29 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Rightfully
[–]silentstraymelon 8 points9 points10 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I haven't yet but I am so close to it as I try and get back in to dating.
[–]flora-pearl 15 points16 points17 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
yeah at this point I'm mostly only acquaintances with men, and the men I consider friends are almost all trans and/or gay. I can't see myself choosing to try and develop friendships with men ever again. I am absolutely not leaving myself open to realising yet another man who claimed to care is only there as long as he thinks I might help him with his boner.
[–]FrowzyCosmogyralFDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Acquaintance is a healthy dynamic and leaves plenty of room for light socializing and community networking. Friend territory with men is rife when unspoken expectations and most of the time, they aren’t even cognizant of the unfair unspoken ultimatum. At least, they’re rarely forthright about it.
[–]samedinuitmortFDS Newbie 133 points134 points135 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Took me years to realize a male friend always brought up cheating and the concept of cheating and whether I’d ever cheated or would ever cheat because… he hoped I’d cheat on my boyfriend with him.
The benefit of the doubt is too valuable a resource to give men.
[–]Angeli_33FDS Newbie 27 points28 points29 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wooow.
[–]instantsilverFDS Newbie 24 points25 points26 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep, plus I've had many men who I thought I was friends with who was involved with one of my friends shamelessly hit on me. I've had only one true male friend where there were zero feelings involved and we just chilled as buddies, never hit on me or made provocative comments, and I think that's a very rare thing for most men.
[–]sofiacarolinaFDS Newbie 272 points273 points274 points 2 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Ive always called this getting ‘fuckzoned’ lol 😑 I have no interest in male ‘friendships’ anymore. they don’t offer anything to women (since men lack emotional intelligence and don’t even see us as human, they’re not good friendship material) and are generally only after one thing.
[–]cute_fluffy_alpacaFDS Newbie 82 points83 points84 points 2 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Wow I've definitely experienced this in the past... Fuckzoned is such a good word!
[–]sofiacarolinaFDS Newbie 128 points129 points130 points 2 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
the thing is that even the term fuckzoned doesn’t communicate how awful it is to men bc they ‘wouldn’t mind being fuckzoned’ bc theyre depraved scrotes who just want to get their dick wet, and don’t live in a society where they’re routinely dehumanized and seen as sex objects. but I still think it’s at least a succinct term for the phenomena.
[–]PenelopePitstop21FDS Newbie 76 points77 points78 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It's really the T&A Zone. As in, he doesn't think of you as human; you aren't a real person with whom he can experience friendship. To him you are nothing but a pair of t-ts and an a-s he hasn't gotten to f-ck yet.
[–]sofiacarolinaFDS Newbie 68 points69 points70 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
right, that actually illustrates the depravity even better than fuckzoned. I’ll go one step further and offer ‘holezoned’ bc thats also basically all we are to them, just a few holes, a warm fleshlight to masturbate into 🤮
[–]mashibeansFDS Apprentice 42 points43 points44 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Absolutely, a woman who considers a person a friend will still care for them, and give them a portion of their love, attention and efforts, just for the simple fact they consider them goddamn, actual FRIENDS.
A dude who fuckzones the women around him just see those women as free resources, while pretending to be their friend: free potential p+ssy, free therapist, free emotional support/supply, etc. and they never go away. I never thought of this, but I've had a dude that has kept on DMing me through FB every once in a while for the last 20+ years. Last time was just a few months ago... and I've never answered back once. Yet he still sends them. What. The. Fuck.
[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice 9 points10 points11 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
this is why we don't stay "friends" with exes. I never understood why they would ask me that: "let's stay friends? insert cringeworthy wink"
[–]melympiaFDS Newbie 25 points26 points27 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Maybe rename it to being "slutzoned" or "hoezoned" to show a bit more of the contempt men have for women they have (easy) sex with?
[–]oscine23FDS Newbie 22 points23 points24 points 2 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
It is really painful. In my case I was friends with this man for 20 years. I knew from the beginning that he wanted a relationship, but he made peace, I thought, years ago, with the fact that that wasn't in the cards for us. I considered him one of my best friends and really admired him.
When I sent him a wedding invitation, he just stopped talking to me. Mind you, he's had a child and a partner for the last seven years or so. I'm friends with her on FB even. So, it made no sense to me that he'd feel some kind of way about me getting married. (I ultimately called off the wedding bc I have no desire to get married again). It really hurt because I genuinely loved him, and I thought he loved me too. And more than that, I respected him. There was no arguments or conflict, so I was forced to draw my own conclusions. He just stopped talking to me.
Sometimes when I think of it, it makes me sad. He really disappointed me. After 20 years of friendship smh. And when my dad died, he didn't even call. :(
I'm now convinced I don't have any genuine male friendships. They are all just trying to slow-walk me into something more. Fk em.
[–]crapeescapeFDS Newbie 66 points67 points68 points 2 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
And the steps that its taken to get into that zone. I usually put them in the friend zone because of inappropriate comments, touching, or being weird and creepy. That’s on them!
[–]bepbep747FDS Newbie 43 points44 points45 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I used to have a drinking problem and without exception every male "friend" who had the chance took advantage of that. Never ever get too drunk with a male "friend", they WILL pounce on the opportunity.
[–]slayeroftruthFDS Apprentice 21 points22 points23 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How about how creepy it is for men to think he is owed the women because he wants her knowing she has zero interest.
[–]europoor24Pickmeisha™️ 89 points90 points91 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I have one straight male friend and so far so good(he seems like a unicorn). But seriously that's it, don't even get me started on ugly guys who try to fuckzone you. I wouldn't have casual sex with an attractive guy I was friends with, but you an ugly guy want to reduce me to that as well? get bent.
[–]iheartnoodlezFDS Newbie 16 points17 points18 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have ONE male friend. And the only reason I trust him is because we have had extensive conversations early on in our friendship about impulse feelings and we BOTH decided we would never cross that line. Now he's like a brother to me and I am grateful for his friendship. But truthfully I think he is grateful for my friendship and would never do anything to jeopardize it. So it works! But it is RARE. And I don't talk to him like my girl bffs. We share hopes/dreams/fears but I don't care to discuss sex with the men in my life with him.
[–]RabroFDS Newbie 57 points58 points59 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Speaking of friend zone can we also chat about when they dont want a relationship with you despite relations and want to remain friends? that also feels grimey and has been a life long thing to get over as well.
[–]dating-adventuresFDS Newbie 14 points15 points16 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is to keep you on the back burner, so they can f around and then “return”
[–]MorthaPFDS Newbie 16 points17 points18 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep, looking back at all my 'budding friendships' with guys who dropped me and never talked to me again once I caught on and turned them down.
[–]justasmolgoblin 14 points15 points16 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Plus the fact that many men won't "allow" their (typically female) partners to have male friends because "they trust YOU, they just don't trust THEM," which indicates he is either friends with men or IS a man who would take advantage of a "taken" woman.
[–]corkymuu 12 points13 points14 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Men talk about this horrible position called the “friend zone” as if they haven’t been pumping and dumping women since time immemorial.
[–]SewudFDS Apprentice 205 points206 points207 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Very painful... Wanting to have sex with many people is not natural. Wanting to have many friends is natural. That's what humans were like for a long time.
[–]highly_lake_leeFDS Newbie[S] 100 points101 points102 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It is a real bummer that a lot of men work like this. I have been hurt on occasion and have become hardened and apprehensive of any new guy acquaintances that I meet. Sad.
[–]scorchedsouIFDS Newbie 98 points99 points100 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
We really need to start openly talking about how fucking weird men are.
[–]Jandi18FDS Newbie 56 points57 points58 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I had a male friend that had green flags. Everything was going well until he got a girlfriend. I was very supportive and excited for him when he was going on the date. He started acting weird, when I ask how the date went he didn’t want to talk about it. I thought it was awful so I didn’t bring it up.
Few weeks later he ghosted me. Then his gf messaged me telling me not to be friends with him because he is acting shady about me. I’m not sure what he was doing so I just blocked and deleted.
[–]Im_Not_Honey 12 points13 points14 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This right here, is why I ONLY have female friends. The only male friend I have is married and gay. The only thing I will ever agree with RedPill idiots on, is that men are not capable of being friends with women. I tried this in my pickme times. And it was funny how my guy "friends" were much more present in my life when I was having relationship issues. Yet, when the issues were fixed, no guy friend to be found? They'd start ignoring texts, and drop off the face of the earth. Funny how that works. So needless to say, no, I do not want/need a Male Friend (desperate scrote waiting by the sidelines).
[–]Forsaken_Software394 10 points11 points12 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I never befriend men for this exact reason. The second they do something nice for you it’s sex time…..especially if you’re an attractive woman!!!
[–]blehblahbloopboop 10 points11 points12 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“But rejection is worse” 🤡 “also you’re stupid to think anyone would want to be friends with you” 🤡
[–]Littleish 10 points11 points12 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I really blame the awful advice that is often given to shy/less-social people when they're too timid to ask someone out directly. It's literally everywhere in our culture. "Just get to know her first, and then once you're acquainted then ask them out". They seem to forget the "ask them out" part and just straight assume that you're on the same page and that the entire thing is headed to romance.
[–]OutlandishnessOk 10 points11 points12 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not to mention how scary it is having someone waiting to take advantage of you if you ever get to drunk or falter emotionally.
[–]Zaltara_the_Red 9 points10 points11 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This literally just happened to me. I made a post that didn't get much attention about when he says he just wants to be friends, don't believe him.
Started to hang out with an old acquaintance on the stated terms of "just friends". I could never date him for many reasons. He was thoughtful, kind, and seemed like a great new friend. Someone to go places with and do fun things.
When I told him that, as an introvert, I don't text or hangout much with anyone, he did a 180 and stopped the friendship in its tracks. The friendship had to be under his direction and what he wanted, without considering how I felt or what made me comfortable.
[–]Mozelle99 8 points9 points10 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have said it before and I will say it again, straight men cannot be friends with women. They always have an ulterior motive.
[–]tothemiddleofnowhere 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’ve seriously had my heart broken by a man who I was close with and we called each other best friends for years. Then one day after a chill night.. he kissed me. It was like kissing my brother. I felt revolted, betrayed, used, hurt.. his response? “You were showing all the signs and signals, we are so compatible, what is wrong with you?” He then told me he couldn’t be friends anymore. It haunted me for a long, long time. I really thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t force myself to be attracted to him. I’d stare at photos of him and convince myself that I could force attraction over time. Just absolutely sick, really. As a straight woman imagine doing that to one of your best girl friends?? Just no!!
[–]Imaginary-Attorney-8 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Omg this!!! My feelings finally being validated lol. Everytime I've expressed this, the argument has been that given the chance most guy friends would sleep with you -_-
[–]Moe-Fo 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
And that’s why I stopped having male friends years ago because that shit doesn’t stop, even in your 40s.
[–]Shehyzers 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I had a guy I considered almost a best friend. He decided to shoot his shot one day and simply wouldn’t back down, tried to turn every conversation sexual. I ended up blocking him and he created new accounts to try and contact me on. Luckily, he eventually gave up. I was so sad to lose him as a friend though, and so so disappointed at how creepy he turned out to be.
[–]Hannzaa33 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Objectively worse than being friendzoned
[–]Katinthehat02 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Happened to me. He was even my roommate and we traveled abroad together. I trusted him and felt very close to him. It was eventually revealed to me by a mutual friend via screenshots of his texts with her. I was heartbroken. He moved out a short while later and we’ve never spoken since. Fucking hurts.
[–]LutanaWillow 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There once was a dude I had a little bit of a crush on who tells me he just wants to be friends. I started dating my current partner and when I told the first guy because (I thought we were interacting as "friends" he got really nasty and started yelling at me even. I'm not going to wait and be single indefinitely for a "just a friend." girlfriend/hookup zoned
[–]Independent-Wash-197 16 points17 points18 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They exist to fuck us so no surprise.
[–]idrinkmoonjuice 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This first happened to me when I was 16, my best (male) friend of 2 years suddenly blew up at me out of nowhere, he said I used him and said misogynistic things like that I was being ‘hormonal’. Over the next few weeks I found out from various mutuals that his problem was actually that he’d realised he didn’t have a chance with me.
Never be friends with straight males.
[–]Etriumvalles 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The worst thing that happened to me - men pretending to care and sympathise with me when I broke up with a person I really loved due to war in their country.
And these men listened to me, said all the supportively words, were pushing being my friends who are “there for me”, and then they proceeded with hitting on me or even harassing me.
Breakup and worry for the ex in a war-torn country was one thing, not having friends who didn’t try to use that to get into my pants - another that broke me back then.
[–]Vallerie_d 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bruh.... Smh. That's why no more male friends. Aquantancies only.
[–]Arkteevee 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I experienced this far too often as well. They will stick along, ask you regulary how you are, seem interested in you as a friend, but all that just to be there "in case you ever want more". One guy even called me his best friend. Just so he could use all private information he had about me to use it against me when I told him I don't want more than friendship. This hurt like hell. I can't remember any guy who acted like a real friend who not wanted to f-ck me. Who doesn't want to f-ck me, doesn't bother to invest any of his time. It's so sad.
[–]Timely_Fox_6191 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This recently just happened to me. I‘m very hurt over this. One of my so called „friends“ invited me over cause we both had an accomplishment to celebrate. Nothing unusual I thought. We've hung out before.
He had decorated his whole place and tried getting physical... I went back home, didn't tell anyone until I saw a mutual friend today and it burst out of me. Now I feel guilty for even telling her cause it makes him look bad, which I recognize I shouldn't feel like this at all. I'm just heart-broken about this. Now I think he wasn't even friends with me because he liked me as a person.
[–]Foxrhapsody 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That’s why I stopped making guy friends
[–]Straight-Original931 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
THIS is exactly why I no longer have guy friends!
[–]Beneficial_Load6618 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I am feeling this sooo much right now. I have been taking a break from one on one (PMs/texting ect.) conversions online this week and focusing on real world life more. When I finally checked my messages. One of my "friends" I hadn't really talked to in weeks... And really, only sporadically for months and months, had messaged. I was really pleased. I had been feeling down and to see him tell me he wanted to check in and ask how I was doing was so meaningful. I saw he had messaged the day before, then again that day... But I couldn't reply right away... I am so very glad I had to wait to respond, because when I had a moment and opened my phone up to reply... He had sent another message. It was basically. "Your so beautiful, I looked back at our conversations, and I am sure u can guess the physical effects it had on me, and what I did about them" Ffs!!! Really!?! I felt so crushed. He knows I have been dealing with a painful separation from my long term partner. I felt so "less than" so diminished and like some cheap wank. Bur good news. He made it out of my friendzone, and into my blocked zone. Right after I gave him a piece of my mind and how his actions felt. He apologized. But I don't even care at that point.
[–]AineofTheWoodsFDS Newbie 12 points13 points14 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have another story I've remembered. I once had a male friend who was in a group of friends from school. I always thought he was lovely because he was so funny (and cute too) and I secretly had a crush on him, but never told anyone because he got a girlfriend before I could say anything. For the next few years I forgot about it and we all hung out as friends. He married the girlfriend but she ended up being awful, had been cheating on him and had a baby with her affair partner, less than a year after marriage. I contacted him to ask if he was ok and he started acting weird. He suggested we meet up and insisted multiple times that we go out for dinner, rather than just meet up for a coffee like friends would. I agreed but it was a really weird experience, where he kept making odd references to sex, naked bodies and dressing up in fancy dress. Gone was the lovely, sweet, funny guy I'd known and instead he'd turned into this guy who clearly thought I'd sleep with him (he must have figured out I used to like him). His behaviour made me not like him at all, as a friend or anything else, it was very odd. A few months later he got back with his wife and is now raising the child she had with her affair partner, which I find deeply spineless and weak. We've never spoken since.
[–]DuchessDuragFDS Newbie 56 points57 points58 points 2 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
The only male friends I can trust are the gay ones
[–]likearealreptileFDS Newbie 69 points70 points71 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
and they have their own misogyny problems sometimes tbh
[–]ilovu3000FDS Newbie 28 points29 points30 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Definitely, had to breakup with a close friend after finding this sub because I realized that I was right in feeling off whenever he used misogynistic slurs and the way he was treating and touching his women friends (including me) however he wanted.
[–]qazzovuoi 15 points16 points17 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't trust all men Misogyny has no sexual orientation
[–]TenOfSwords54 12 points13 points14 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I have only had 2 close gay male friends. The first is a really sensitive and sweet person. I'm older, we met when I was in my late 30s and he was in his late twenties. It's kind of a big sister/little brother relationship. I support him and love him to pieces.
The other was a man my own age. At first, he challenged me with quick wit and backhanded compliments. I thought he was edgy and hilarious. Until I realized I was being mocked and negged in really subtle ways. The more uncomfortable I was, the more he ramped up his comments, until they were straight out hateful comments about my personality, nasty comments about my sexual organs, and hatred towards women in general. I eventually stopped associating with him, but it was a lesson learned. There is a LOT of misogyny among gay men.
All men should be judged on an individual basis.
[–]passenger683 9 points10 points11 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not even them. Misogyny is pervasive.
[–]Touring_addict95 9 points10 points11 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah male frienda are the worst
[–]arcanaschala 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I KNOW!!!! EXACTLY!!! I can't upvote this enough
[+][deleted] 2 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]ihurlpearls 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This sounds like lovebombing
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[–]AineofTheWoodsFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
I guess in your own way you think that you're trying to help people, but wow, this is a very aggressive post. It's not helpful, especially insulting me calling me a pickme and implying I don't have hobbies, friends or a job, this is very poor behaviour coming from a so-called 'coach.'
My strategy of having a phone call before a date is so that I can avoid going on a first date with unsuitable men. It's worked well for me, I've avoided lots of dates with men after I had a phone call with them first and realised that I didn't want to date them. I'd much rather a longer phone call, rather than a short phone call and an in person date.
Someone recommended this sub to me. I used to be in this, but had left. Now I remember why, the way you speak to people is aggressive and unhelpful. Good luck.
[–]daisy_0720FDS STRATEGY COACH 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I've looked through your post history. I mean this in the kindest possible way, but I strongly suggest that you take a break from dating/trying to meet men. This sub deals in tough love - we don't sugarcoat, we don't coddle and we don't enable self-destructive behaviors, but we DO strongly support women who take accountability and are actively working on overcoming negative patterns of behavior.
I felt defensive and called out when I first started reading this sub - but it was the kickstart I needed to stop making excuses for the crap men I let into my life and start making real positive changes. I'm sorry to hear that you left FDS before: it sounds as though you're not yet ready for the self-work that we recommend here. But if and when you do choose to come back, you will be very welcome.
[–]AineofTheWoodsFDS Newbie -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I've looked through your post history also. You seem very angry, and your comment comes across as very patronising, after I called you out on your aggressive behaviour towards me. You don't seem to be in a position to be mentoring anyone about anything right now. I suggest you take some time out and work on yourself and why you're so angry, before calling yourself a coach and potentially causing harm to the women you claim you are helping. It's great that FDS apparently works for you, but there isn't a one size fits all for dating and improving your life. I personally could never find such aggression being in any way helpful. All the best.
[–]daisy_0720FDS STRATEGY COACH 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
before calling yourself a coach
That's... not how flairs work here.
[–]AineofTheWoodsFDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's a relief.
[–]ccro7FDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The only genuinely good friendships I've had with men were with gay men.
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