This sh*t right here!!

madamejesaistout · 2021-12-29T20:03:45+00:00

Normalize the term "f*ckzoned"!

BellaMob · 2021-12-29T18:37:29+00:00

It's really painful. I experienced a lot of fake male friends and strongly advise focusing on friendships with women instead. I was into videogames for a while so experienced some extreme versions of men pretending. Had possessive male friends who got angry, stalked me and guilt tripped me into spending more time with just them them because of issues they invented. Has a "friend" who lied about having cancer. Had a "friend" kept sending me emails just to "catch up" for 7-8 years AFTER I told him to leave me alone and blocked him everywhere. Had male friends who completely ignored me once they got a girlfriend. Also one guy confessed he doesn't want to introduce me to other male friends because he doesn't want them to "have me". Overall it's just not worth.

lzbth · 2021-12-29T22:20:45+00:00

Something relevant happened to me recently.

I went to a performing arts high school and had the same piano duet partner all four years. Let’s call him “David.” We had a sweet little low key friendship throughout high school.

We’re in our early 30s now and lived in opposite coasts for all 15ish years between high school and now. He reaches out to me because he’s going to live in my city for a couple of months. We meet up for a drink and have a lovely time. David seems evolved, intelligent, open to criticism and growth. It was quite nice and I left the evening thinking I was really proud of the person David had grown up to become.

He invites me over to his house party and it’s all a new-age, poly, ENM web of “friends” who live and travel the world together. I have fun meeting his “primary” partner and he confides in me that she never seems truly happy when he meets up with casual dates. (Go figure 🤦🏻‍♀️.)

Later in the evening David starts talking about how he has found that sleeping with his friends has been a way for him to deepen his connection with the people in his life. Another way to show love. I then follow up by saying that I don’t sleep with my friends because the friendships are too important for me to jeopardize with any unnecessary complication. He becomes pensive and then proceeds to move on to talking to other people at the party. He was testing my boundaries.

When it became clear I would not be open to sleeping with him, David mentally disconnected from me and didn’t contact me again to meet and hang out before he left town.

This was the disappointment of the season for me.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2021-12-29T17:49:34+00:00

Scrotes: “Well maybe if you f***ed him you’d still have a friend!” 🤦🏻‍♀️

FrowzyCosmogyral · 2021-12-29T19:22:26+00:00

I’ve given up on male friendships because of this.

samedinuitmort · 2021-12-29T19:43:22+00:00

Took me years to realize a male friend always brought up cheating and the concept of cheating and whether I’d ever cheated or would ever cheat because… he hoped I’d cheat on my boyfriend with him.

The benefit of the doubt is too valuable a resource to give men.

Angeli_33 · 2021-12-29T18:16:09+00:00

Wooow.

instantsilver · 2021-12-30T01:26:01+00:00

Yep, plus I've had many men who I thought I was friends with who was involved with one of my friends shamelessly hit on me. I've had only one true male friend where there were zero feelings involved and we just chilled as buddies, never hit on me or made provocative comments, and I think that's a very rare thing for most men.

sofiacarolina · 2021-12-29T18:26:49+00:00

Ive always called this getting ‘fuckzoned’ lol 😑 I have no interest in male ‘friendships’ anymore. they don’t offer anything to women (since men lack emotional intelligence and don’t even see us as human, they’re not good friendship material) and are generally only after one thing.

oscine23 · 2021-12-30T04:36:23+00:00

It is really painful. In my case I was friends with this man for 20 years. I knew from the beginning that he wanted a relationship, but he made peace, I thought, years ago, with the fact that that wasn't in the cards for us. I considered him one of my best friends and really admired him.

When I sent him a wedding invitation, he just stopped talking to me. Mind you, he's had a child and a partner for the last seven years or so. I'm friends with her on FB even. So, it made no sense to me that he'd feel some kind of way about me getting married. (I ultimately called off the wedding bc I have no desire to get married again). It really hurt because I genuinely loved him, and I thought he loved me too. And more than that, I respected him. There was no arguments or conflict, so I was forced to draw my own conclusions. He just stopped talking to me.

Sometimes when I think of it, it makes me sad. He really disappointed me. After 20 years of friendship smh. And when my dad died, he didn't even call. :(

I'm now convinced I don't have any genuine male friendships. They are all just trying to slow-walk me into something more. Fk em.

crapeescape · 2021-12-29T18:36:23+00:00

And the steps that its taken to get into that zone. I usually put them in the friend zone because of inappropriate comments, touching, or being weird and creepy. That’s on them!

slayeroftruth · 2021-12-30T03:34:09+00:00

How about how creepy it is for men to think he is owed the women because he wants her knowing she has zero interest.

europoor24 · 2021-12-29T19:40:32+00:00

I have one straight male friend and so far so good(he seems like a unicorn). But seriously that's it, don't even get me started on ugly guys who try to fuckzone you. I wouldn't have casual sex with an attractive guy I was friends with, but you an ugly guy want to reduce me to that as well? get bent.

Rabro · 2021-12-29T22:35:01+00:00

Speaking of friend zone can we also chat about when they dont want a relationship with you despite relations and want to remain friends? that also feels grimey and has been a life long thing to get over as well.

MorthaP · 2021-12-30T02:07:41+00:00

Yep, looking back at all my 'budding friendships' with guys who dropped me and never talked to me again once I caught on and turned them down.

justasmolgoblin · 2021-12-29T18:29:47+00:00

Plus the fact that many men won't "allow" their (typically female) partners to have male friends because "they trust YOU, they just don't trust THEM," which indicates he is either friends with men or IS a man who would take advantage of a "taken" woman.

corkymuu · 2021-12-30T00:52:00+00:00

Men talk about this horrible position called the “friend zone” as if they haven’t been pumping and dumping women since time immemorial.

Sewud · 2021-12-29T18:16:04+00:00

Very painful... Wanting to have sex with many people is not natural. Wanting to have many friends is natural. That's what humans were like for a long time.

Jandi18 · 2021-12-29T22:17:12+00:00

I had a male friend that had green flags. Everything was going well until he got a girlfriend. I was very supportive and excited for him when he was going on the date. He started acting weird, when I ask how the date went he didn’t want to talk about it. I thought it was awful so I didn’t bring it up.

Few weeks later he ghosted me. Then his gf messaged me telling me not to be friends with him because he is acting shady about me. I’m not sure what he was doing so I just blocked and deleted.

Im_Not_Honey · 2021-12-29T19:40:34+00:00

This right here, is why I ONLY have female friends. The only male friend I have is married and gay. The only thing I will ever agree with RedPill idiots on, is that men are not capable of being friends with women. I tried this in my pickme times. And it was funny how my guy "friends" were much more present in my life when I was having relationship issues. Yet, when the issues were fixed, no guy friend to be found? They'd start ignoring texts, and drop off the face of the earth. Funny how that works. So needless to say, no, I do not want/need a Male Friend (desperate scrote waiting by the sidelines).

Forsaken_Software394 · 2021-12-30T03:54:23+00:00

I never befriend men for this exact reason. The second they do something nice for you it’s sex time…..especially if you’re an attractive woman!!!

blehblahbloopboop · 2021-12-29T17:40:22+00:00

“But rejection is worse” 🤡 “also you’re stupid to think anyone would want to be friends with you” 🤡

Littleish · 2021-12-29T20:25:24+00:00

I really blame the awful advice that is often given to shy/less-social people when they're too timid to ask someone out directly. It's literally everywhere in our culture. "Just get to know her first, and then once you're acquainted then ask them out". They seem to forget the "ask them out" part and just straight assume that you're on the same page and that the entire thing is headed to romance.

OutlandishnessOk · 2021-12-29T21:18:35+00:00

Not to mention how scary it is having someone waiting to take advantage of you if you ever get to drunk or falter emotionally.

Zaltara_the_Red · 2021-12-29T18:53:56+00:00

This literally just happened to me. I made a post that didn't get much attention about when he says he just wants to be friends, don't believe him.

Started to hang out with an old acquaintance on the stated terms of "just friends". I could never date him for many reasons. He was thoughtful, kind, and seemed like a great new friend. Someone to go places with and do fun things.

When I told him that, as an introvert, I don't text or hangout much with anyone, he did a 180 and stopped the friendship in its tracks. The friendship had to be under his direction and what he wanted, without considering how I felt or what made me comfortable.

Mozelle99 · 2021-12-30T00:24:04+00:00

I have said it before and I will say it again, straight men cannot be friends with women. They always have an ulterior motive.

tothemiddleofnowhere · 2021-12-29T20:19:31+00:00

I’ve seriously had my heart broken by a man who I was close with and we called each other best friends for years. Then one day after a chill night.. he kissed me. It was like kissing my brother. I felt revolted, betrayed, used, hurt.. his response? “You were showing all the signs and signals, we are so compatible, what is wrong with you?” He then told me he couldn’t be friends anymore. It haunted me for a long, long time. I really thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t force myself to be attracted to him. I’d stare at photos of him and convince myself that I could force attraction over time. Just absolutely sick, really. As a straight woman imagine doing that to one of your best girl friends?? Just no!!

Imaginary-Attorney-8 · 2021-12-29T23:29:00+00:00

Omg this!!! My feelings finally being validated lol. Everytime I've expressed this, the argument has been that given the chance most guy friends would sleep with you -_-

Moe-Fo · 2021-12-29T19:35:20+00:00

And that’s why I stopped having male friends years ago because that shit doesn’t stop, even in your 40s.

Shehyzers · 2021-12-29T21:34:35+00:00

I had a guy I considered almost a best friend. He decided to shoot his shot one day and simply wouldn’t back down, tried to turn every conversation sexual. I ended up blocking him and he created new accounts to try and contact me on. Luckily, he eventually gave up. I was so sad to lose him as a friend though, and so so disappointed at how creepy he turned out to be.

Hannzaa33 · 2021-12-30T00:30:22+00:00

Objectively worse than being friendzoned

Katinthehat02 · 2021-12-30T01:04:18+00:00

Happened to me. He was even my roommate and we traveled abroad together. I trusted him and felt very close to him. It was eventually revealed to me by a mutual friend via screenshots of his texts with her. I was heartbroken. He moved out a short while later and we’ve never spoken since. Fucking hurts.

LutanaWillow · 2021-12-30T03:06:23+00:00

There once was a dude I had a little bit of a crush on who tells me he just wants to be friends. I started dating my current partner and when I told the first guy because (I thought we were interacting as "friends" he got really nasty and started yelling at me even. I'm not going to wait and be single indefinitely for a "just a friend." girlfriend/hookup zoned

Independent-Wash-197 · 2021-12-29T18:40:48+00:00

They exist to fuck us so no surprise.

idrinkmoonjuice · 2021-12-29T18:22:01+00:00

This first happened to me when I was 16, my best (male) friend of 2 years suddenly blew up at me out of nowhere, he said I used him and said misogynistic things like that I was being ‘hormonal’. Over the next few weeks I found out from various mutuals that his problem was actually that he’d realised he didn’t have a chance with me.

Never be friends with straight males.

Etriumvalles · 2021-12-29T18:28:21+00:00

The worst thing that happened to me - men pretending to care and sympathise with me when I broke up with a person I really loved due to war in their country.

And these men listened to me, said all the supportively words, were pushing being my friends who are “there for me”, and then they proceeded with hitting on me or even harassing me.

Breakup and worry for the ex in a war-torn country was one thing, not having friends who didn’t try to use that to get into my pants - another that broke me back then.

Vallerie_d · 2021-12-29T18:39:31+00:00

Bruh.... Smh. That's why no more male friends. Aquantancies only.

Arkteevee · 2021-12-29T19:37:43+00:00

I experienced this far too often as well. They will stick along, ask you regulary how you are, seem interested in you as a friend, but all that just to be there "in case you ever want more". One guy even called me his best friend. Just so he could use all private information he had about me to use it against me when I told him I don't want more than friendship. This hurt like hell. I can't remember any guy who acted like a real friend who not wanted to f-ck me. Who doesn't want to f-ck me, doesn't bother to invest any of his time. It's so sad.

Timely_Fox_6191 · 2021-12-29T19:38:21+00:00

This recently just happened to me. I‘m very hurt over this. One of my so called „friends“ invited me over cause we both had an accomplishment to celebrate. Nothing unusual I thought. We've hung out before.

He had decorated his whole place and tried getting physical... I went back home, didn't tell anyone until I saw a mutual friend today and it burst out of me. Now I feel guilty for even telling her cause it makes him look bad, which I recognize I shouldn't feel like this at all. I'm just heart-broken about this. Now I think he wasn't even friends with me because he liked me as a person.

Foxrhapsody · 2021-12-29T21:04:49+00:00

That’s why I stopped making guy friends

Straight-Original931 · 2021-12-29T23:58:57+00:00

THIS is exactly why I no longer have guy friends!

Beneficial_Load6618 · 2021-12-30T05:18:23+00:00

I am feeling this sooo much right now. I have been taking a break from one on one (PMs/texting ect.) conversions online this week and focusing on real world life more. When I finally checked my messages. One of my "friends" I hadn't really talked to in weeks... And really, only sporadically for months and months, had messaged. I was really pleased. I had been feeling down and to see him tell me he wanted to check in and ask how I was doing was so meaningful. I saw he had messaged the day before, then again that day... But I couldn't reply right away... I am so very glad I had to wait to respond, because when I had a moment and opened my phone up to reply... He had sent another message. It was basically. "Your so beautiful, I looked back at our conversations, and I am sure u can guess the physical effects it had on me, and what I did about them" Ffs!!! Really!?! I felt so crushed. He knows I have been dealing with a painful separation from my long term partner. I felt so "less than" so diminished and like some cheap wank. Bur good news. He made it out of my friendzone, and into my blocked zone. Right after I gave him a piece of my mind and how his actions felt. He apologized. But I don't even care at that point.

AineofTheWoods · 2021-12-30T02:22:48+00:00

I have another story I've remembered. I once had a male friend who was in a group of friends from school. I always thought he was lovely because he was so funny (and cute too) and I secretly had a crush on him, but never told anyone because he got a girlfriend before I could say anything. For the next few years I forgot about it and we all hung out as friends. He married the girlfriend but she ended up being awful, had been cheating on him and had a baby with her affair partner, less than a year after marriage. I contacted him to ask if he was ok and he started acting weird. He suggested we meet up and insisted multiple times that we go out for dinner, rather than just meet up for a coffee like friends would. I agreed but it was a really weird experience, where he kept making odd references to sex, naked bodies and dressing up in fancy dress. Gone was the lovely, sweet, funny guy I'd known and instead he'd turned into this guy who clearly thought I'd sleep with him (he must have figured out I used to like him). His behaviour made me not like him at all, as a friend or anything else, it was very odd. A few months later he got back with his wife and is now raising the child she had with her affair partner, which I find deeply spineless and weak. We've never spoken since.

DuchessDurag · 2021-12-29T19:02:02+00:00

The only male friends I can trust are the gay ones

Touring_addict95 · 2021-12-29T23:37:41+00:00

Yeah male frienda are the worst

menarepigs

arcanaschala · 2021-12-30T07:59:32+00:00

I KNOW!!!! EXACTLY!!! I can't upvote this enough

ihurlpearls · 2021-12-30T02:11:49+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ccro7 · 2021-12-31T02:35:17+00:00

The only genuinely good friendships I've had with men were with gay men.

Real_Cover1572 · 2022-08-27T08:50:57+00:00

This is sad to see. Mainly because this can come from something that is still genuine friendship and they just catch feelings. Not to mention there are plenty of people who can like someone and genuinely become friends with them just out of the want to be closer to them.

Idk about y'all, but i have a rule that if you couldn't be friends, then you shouldn't be dating.

Title	This sh*t right here!!
Author	highly_lake_lee
Upvotes	3267
Comments	100
Date	December 29, 2021 5:32 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rrdlo4/this_sht_right_here/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/this-sht-right-here.1090071 https://theredarchive.com/post/1090071

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menarepigs