Being attracted to average-looking people is settling/having low standards

EasternToe3824 · 2022-08-15T09:28:09+00:00

I do not want the best solution. I want a solution that works. If the food tastes good and is within my price range, I do not care about stars.

decoy88 · 2022-08-15T10:21:41+00:00

Settling in the looks arena can mean you’re getting the best in another trait.
The most attractive partner isn’t what everybody wants. Many prefer a less attractive partner because a hot gf or bf can invite unnecessary drama from outsiders - ex. my current gf has an increased likelihood of being stalked than my exes, I’m also more at risk of encountering macho guys that’ll wanna “start shit” when I’m with my girl.

The word “settling” carries connotations of desperate acceptance, rather than the word “compromise” which means a happy meeting in the middle of expectations and desires.

Every human being on the planet must find a way to be content with compromise in order to be happy. If a person is happy, they are not “settling”

lemoncurdmacaron · 2022-08-15T09:07:44+00:00

Do I have low standards if I prefer to make food at home over paying money to going to a resturant? If the 3 star resturant is nicer and better company and better environment? And according to hedonic threadmill after a certain threshold that better food doesn’t actually taste better.

filthyburrows · 2022-08-15T10:51:07+00:00

looks and personality

is like

flavor and service.

Some restaurants have good flavour but the service is horrible. Some have the opposite.

Looking at someone only gives you looks and "flavour"

I much rather a 6 or 7 who sleep with me regularly. Than a 9 or 10 that will sleep with me 6 times a month.

I would much rather a 6 or 7 that cares about me and takes care of my emotional well being, than a 9/10 that wants to be worshipped.

I'm not saying numbers define personality but to some extent I have found this to be true.

the reason you don't always go for 9s and 10s is because the conditions that made them very attractive have also made them rather unpleasant.

Siukslinis_acc · 2022-08-15T11:17:44+00:00

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. They might look average to you, but for the other person they are attractive.
You know when you eat fancy foods, you get used to it and then they become average? There is even a term where something excting becomes mundane from doing it over and over again - Hedonic treadmill.
Looks fade, so you want to commit to someone long-term who has qualities that don't fade that easily as looks. Like sense of humour, kindness, skills, interests, ect.

crookedsummer2019 · 2022-08-15T10:18:50+00:00

You can be attracted to who ever you want, the key is whether or not they are attracted to you.

123_alleyesonme6 · 2022-08-15T11:20:19+00:00

if i had to choose between 5 stars greek restaurant vs 3 stars indian restaurant id always pick the 3 star indian place simple bc i hate greek food

so ones 5 star best choice is another ones nightmare...

ppl are individuals and have diff preferences...

lifesuckswannadie · 2022-08-15T10:52:02+00:00

People are attracted to different things and you can't control what you're attracted to. I don't think it's fair to tell someone they're settling by going after what they see as hot naturally.

AelfredRex · 2022-08-15T12:08:04+00:00

Because some of us have healthy egos and can enjoy being with the person inside the shell.

Others are two-dimensional narcissists only looking for a human sex toy to wank their damaged egos with.

wintergreen233 · 2022-08-15T12:34:16+00:00

To carry your goofy analogy, whenever I want to go out for drinks somewhere new I look up dive bars, not fancy cocktail lounges. Why? Because I love them. They’re my vibe. I think they’re beautiful with all their many textures. I always have fun at a dirty dive bar, whereas I don’t feel comfortable in fancy places.

But insofar as people, the fact is that I don’t give a shit whether someone is considered average-looking by others. I care about whether I personally want to rip their clothes off. And since physical attraction to me is massively impacted by personal chemistry, then what is an average-looking person to you can be beautiful to me.

In short: if I feel I’m eating well, then it isn’t settling to me — it’s indulging in what I know and enjoy. it doesn’t really matter what other people would rate the restaurant. They don’t have to eat there, but if I like it, I will.

Fat_Papaya · 2022-08-15T10:24:22+00:00

Never heard of food that gets to choose who eats it haha

Most people get an average partner because that's all they can get, this much should be obvious haha

MarBitt · 2022-08-15T10:30:26+00:00

The appearance of the restaurant is just one of many evaluation criteria.

Personally, I'd rather go to an average-looking restaurant with nice staff and great cooking than a great looking, overpriced and snobbish restaurant where I'll be hungry.

My goal for regularly visiting a restaurant is to eat well in a pleasant environment every time. An average-looking restaurant doesn't spoil my taste, so it's fine and if I already know it there, I like it, the people are nice, it's pleasant for me there so I just don't need a better-looking restaurant.

titanbam1 · 2022-08-15T11:00:55+00:00

Nobody is going to 5 star rated restaurants everytime they go out to eat.

Ok-Map-7596 · 2022-08-15T11:54:49+00:00

Most people can't afford to dine on 5 star restaurants. It's either an average restraraunt or stay home and eat whatever is in your fridge.

Trishlikefish2 · 2022-08-15T09:16:23+00:00

Men: Ugh women's standards are SOOO high!!!! I can't get any girls to sleep with me :(

Also men: I will not date anyone average! She has to be HOT

Nah for real though, I have no sympathy for guys who are 5's getting rejected by hot women- they deserve it.

JMoon33 · 2022-08-15T10:36:51+00:00

What is attractive to you might be average to me and vice versa. Don't base your decisions on what other people think, if for you it's a 5 star restaurant and it fits what you're looking for, who cares if others think it's a 3 star restaurant?

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-08-15T09:48:17+00:00

You’ve heard of hidden gems I presume?

Whist I don’t like comparing people to products or in this case, premises, your never going to know how good/bad they are unless you invest a bit of time and effort.

This is the beauty of dating, you don’t need to commit to anything, you can just enjoy or learn from the experience. But it’s never going to happen if you never leave your house.

cunningcaring · 2022-08-15T10:36:52+00:00

Looks are about 5% of a relationship. Focus on the important things.

MarBitt · 2022-08-15T11:01:39+00:00

The standards should allow me to find a good woman in a reasonable time (say five years). If my own standards prevent me from doing so, they are unreasonably high.

Example:
Let's say that every day I meet over 5 women of an acceptable age and situation where I can try to make contact if I put enough time and effort into it. That's about 10,000 women. Less in a small town.

Women are different than restaurants. I can go to pretty much any restaurant, but it doesn't work that way with women. Not every woman will at least consider me (perhaps also because she is in relationship). Let's say I'll be interesting to 20% of women if I'm very flattering myself. 2 000 women.

Intelligence is important to me. The requirement of intelligence excludes 90% of women. 200 women with some overlap, say 250.

Then the moral setting. It eliminates over 90% again. 25 women with overlap, say 40.

Then whether she's my type - that eliminates two thirds of women. 12.

Average looking at least. Once a woman looks good enough for me to be sexually attracted to her, that serves the purpose. And since I'm a healthy man with a strong libido, if she's my type and i like her personality, average looks are enough. Let's say 8 women.

Just 8 women with whom we may or may not fall in love with each other in 5 years of active searching! Too different social situation, chemical incompatibility, a different approach to sex... all this will eliminate another 80% in practice. So 1-2 women.

Plus, a good half of relationships fall apart right from the start. It is not necessary to succeed in building love from infatuation. 0 to 1 women as the result of a five-year effort.

So I will be happy if I find 1 woman for a long-term relationship in 5 years. Statistically even with the standards you claim are low, finding a wife is already more like trying to win the lottery.

Fit-Faithlessness149 · 2022-08-15T11:56:18+00:00

Well to continue with your analogy

You're not necessarily choosing 4 star people by being picky with looks. It's really more like choosing a place to eat based on their decor. Who does that?
Sometimes the top tier people in looks is like choosing the 4 dollar signs restaurants. That is the priciest. The food might be good but trust me that you can't afford to eat their all the time. It will take more from you than you get and leave you unsatisfied for anything less.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-08-15T12:01:35+00:00

There is so much more to choosing a life partner than just looks, everyone’s looks fade

Willow-girl · 2022-08-15T12:29:39+00:00

What do you think old married people do, sit around admiring each other's great beauty?

januaryphilosopher · 2022-08-15T13:04:58+00:00

Even if someone looks average to the population as a whole, they may not be average to you. Their looks, and especially personality or other things that you consider important, may appeal to your specific tastes. It's like realising that your favourite restaurant is only rated three stars because other people don't like it, but they don't have to like it for you to love eating there.

CardiBacardi2022 · 2022-08-15T15:45:54+00:00

the most important thing about food is how it tastes. The most important thing about people is NOT how they look. Hope this helped explain why your analogy doesn’t work.

h1shman · 2022-08-15T18:44:53+00:00

That lame 3 star restaurant is a life saving meal to someone else.

It’s called relativity and gratitude.

Substantial_Video560 · 2022-08-15T09:48:34+00:00

No one should have to lower their standards. Standards are there for a reason. Have self respect and dignity.

wtknight · 2022-08-15T12:33:37+00:00

The idea is that someone is going to be treated better by someone who is average looking and sees another person as a catch than by that good-looking person who makes you simp for them or who is going to pump and dump you.

sarkington · 2022-08-15T15:04:45+00:00

It’s not if you’re average. Otherwise, stop whining about looksmatching

HimNeutron · 2022-08-15T15:47:58+00:00

Because maybe it’s all you can afford. Need to be real with yourself.

MickIsBlue · 2022-08-15T16:04:56+00:00

People who talk like this are just simply to stuck up to talk to in person. I know McDonald's, Zaxby's, or Wendy's is not a 5 star restaurant but I'm not going to downright refuse to eat there in every circumstance

RinoaRita · 2022-08-15T16:27:13+00:00

The metaphor of restaurant to patron isn’t comparable as one 5 star restaurant is able to serve many patrons at once. I guess if you are advocating for multiple folks dating 5 star people great.

But unless we all become 5 star caliber under your model only the top people will date. I mean I guess if you’re just pointing out that everyone would want to date someone in theory that’s 5 stars I guess that’s not wrong.

But the metaphor breaks down again as dating isn’t essential unlike food. You might argue sexual release is in which case masturbation is cooking at home lol.

Vtridolla · 2022-08-15T16:50:00+00:00

Nah I mean some people just are attracted to normal people, like some people are attracted to ugly people, some people are attracted to women, some people are attracted to men, and some people are attracted to to mfs in mascot costumes.

FFTzzz · 2022-08-15T17:40:05+00:00

Why would you want to commit to average-tasting food for months/years...

Because it's nutrient rich, healthy and fits all my fucking macros.

Kind of why I don't usually go for high maintenance silicon based lifeforms.

Sad_Entertainer6312 · 2022-08-15T19:53:42+00:00

That's like going on Yelp to find a new restaurant to eat at and going straight for the 3 star rated ones. Who even does that? I can't even remember the last time I went to a 3 star restaurant.

Then you must be incredibly wealthy. I do very well for myself and semi retired in my early 40's and rarely eat at 5 star or 4 star places.

And to want to date an average-looking person?

Why not? I'd rate myself a 7 and would rate my wife the same. Trying to date out of your league isn't worth the effort, and often times the 8, 9's and 10's know they are very good looking and try to milk it. Growing up we called those women "Miss I love myself" and avoided them.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-08-16T02:48:02+00:00

You trust people who write Yelp reviews? See this is why you're single.

gobblegoobleoneofus · 2022-08-16T04:02:55+00:00

its much less expensive and still pretty good

Miserable_Yam4778 · 2022-08-16T05:12:14+00:00

This presumes you have a novelty seeking base personality. Plenty of folks go to the same restaurant every week and order the same thing every time because they value consistency over novelty.

Also the idea that you have "low" standards is nobody's business but your own. So long as you're happy and secure other people's estimations of your so-called standards are irrelevant.

coastFI_chaser · 2022-08-16T08:14:19+00:00

I think we all have different priorities and preferences. Just because I have the money to pay for something doesn’t mean I can afford that item or that it aligns with my preferences/priorities.

For example, eating 5 star dinners vs adding that money towards early retirement and eating at home. Potentially I’m more of introvert and would rather eat at home - maybe I’m not a foodie etc.

I think you have to remember everyone is going to become old and comprised over time so it’s smart to prioritise key traits like personality, values, intellect and compatibility over looks.

Your analogy reflects your values which might include status. I prefer lowkey ppp

neolib-cowboy · 2022-08-16T10:10:37+00:00

TBF, most people rate restaurants on Google maps as 4-5 stars if their experience was good and there was nothing wrong. To accurately say "the average", you need to look at the average rating. The average restaurant rating on Google maps is 3.8.

Available-Ad-9338 · 2022-08-16T11:04:23+00:00

If you are average, then dating average people isn't "settling", it's having equal standards.

Yixagurpuldink · 2022-08-16T13:01:25+00:00

If the 3 star restaurant is 2 km away and the 5 star restaurant is 50 km away and I'm hungry now, I'm picking the 3 star
If every time I'm at the 5 star restaurant I pay $100 while at the 3 star I pay $20, I can afford to go to that one and not the other
If going to the 5 star restaurant requires me to wear a suit I hate and follow protocols I don't understand (and is mean to me if I don't), while the 3 star restaurant lets me do anything freely, I pick one with more freedom
If the 5 star restaurant requires plans months in advance and can cancel at any time while the 3 star restaurant is open 6 days a week, no reservation, I pick the one with more freedom
If that 5 star restaurant specializes in food I hate, it doesn't matter how great it is. If the 3 star restaurant is a top 5 favorite food type, I could eat there 3-4 times a week without issues.

Your viewpoint assumes infinite resources, time, and tastes, and only focuses on a single metric: flavor. The dating analogy is "date the hottest girl you can, regardless of high maintenance, flaky personality, or shitty character traits." Also, remember, SHE has to choose you too. Restaurants, with few exceptions, take anyone who has enough money. The analogue to "money" here requires considerable time, investment, and for most people is limited by circumstances and genetics.

Most people are limited by one or more of these, and are thus forced to compromise. They have no choice. Also, everyone's values are different enough your argument breaks down.

Superannuatedpunk · 2022-08-15T11:02:12+00:00

Because for every hot chick, there's a dude who's sick of her shit.

Just because someone's hot, it doesn't mean that they're a good fit for you.

Do you want a partner, or a homosocial trophy?

RandomRedditGuy322 · 2022-08-15T13:18:15+00:00

The average woman is a fatty boom boom. I suppose if I was fat, getting an average woman wouldn't be settling.

So what you're really saying is if you are above average,then looking for an average person is settling. And duh, of course. Thats how that works.

Most people are average. The delusion only sets in when those average/below average fatty boom boom women feel entitled to above average men via hypergamy. Which is what TRP calls out and makes fun of them for.

Demasii · 2022-08-15T18:11:41+00:00

That 3 star restaurant is the only place I can get a pork cutlet sandwich in the city.

The burger and fries are ok. It offers Coke instead of Pepsi. 95% of the menu I can get the same thing some place else. But that cutlet sandwich is delicious.

Our requirements for restaurants are relatively the same. Clean kitchen, takes credit card, waitress not a bitch, not expensive, etc

It's the 5% that it does differently from others that makes me want to go back.

kinhk · 2022-08-15T11:32:36+00:00

If your average you get average.

Cjaylyle · 2022-08-15T14:41:33+00:00

I know what you mean, its hard to explain but it almost feels pointless to have a boyfriend that doesn't have SOMETHING stand out about them.

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HazyMemory7 · 2022-08-15T11:39:35+00:00

Not if you're average.

If you make 30k a year and want to go to high end sushi restaurants with $60-80 entrees is it settling to go to a restaurant in your price range?

If it's "settling", the implication is that average people deserve well above average people. Nobody would ever argue an average dude deserves a really hot girl.

beleidigtewurst · 2022-08-15T11:51:57+00:00

So you say that:

1) Trying to get something darn good, with chances of getting it being around 0.001% is better than

2) Going after average goals but with much higher chances to succeed?

Somehow, both genders settle with #2. (in terms of long term relationships)

In terms of having sex, top crop of men might be swimming in sex opportunities indeed. But poligamy isn't a thing, so.

The key stats are, % of adult Americans who never married, men and women respectively:

10% and 8% (diff of 2%)
23% and 17% (diff of 6%)

So, yeah, while some women obviously marry men who divorced other women, still, vast majority of US population gets married, men or women.

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2022-08-15T14:13:41+00:00

I think most of us happily eat average tasti g food almost every day. Only being attracted to the top most attractive people is damaging unless you are in their league. There are plenty of stories online about men that can only get hard to beautiful porn stars. This means they can essentially never have a good sex life.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-08-15T17:41:29+00:00

I mean I like street tacos, they're often better than five star restaurants.

But fundamentally I agree, nobody should ever go out with someone or date/have sex/relationships with them out of some weird sense of moral obligation. Not only are you deceiving the person you're dating into them believing you genuinely want them when you're only "meh" about them and that alone is sleazy, dishonest, and immoral, but you are also doing yourself a disservice forcing yourself to date someone you don't find incredibly appealing. You may find yourself filled with longing for other people, resentful of your partner who you "settled" for.

Also, continuing my street tacos example, people have different tastes and preferences. What some people might call a greasy spoon another swears by their strong coffee and delicious griddle cakes.

Go for who you are attracted to. They deserve to have someone who genuinely wants them and so do you.

Everybody has different tastes. Some people will hang out at a restaurant with terrible food because they are genuinely addicted to the decor, the vibe, the music, and the cocktails. One person's "trash" is another's "treasure".

Ok_Nefariousness8796 · 2022-08-15T21:51:26+00:00

Two things I disagree with that were either not specified correctly or something you haven’t thought about

1) So we might differ in opinion and preference here, but if I take you at your word and you’re truly looking to “date” the way you judge partners is completely different than hooking up. I agree for a one night stand appearance is 90% of the deciding factor, totally. But DATING, who’s soul purpose is to commit and create a partnership together, with the purpose of staying together for long times, has completely different criteria. While looks are still important, chemistry, personality, similar moral principals and life goals are FAR more important. Looks ware off after the honey moon phase, while the soul connection you share stays and strengthens.

Before I met my wife, looks were the #1 criteria I looked for, and this caused me to go down the RP hard, as I was surrounded(by choice) by materialistic women who based their self worth on cars, logos and expensive dates. After realizing this was a self reciprocating problem, I instead kept it in my pants and looked for a women that had goals, drive, and shared my passions. I than met my wife, and while she’s a ten in the looks department, the only reason we could stay together and grow a business together was our shared drives.

2) okay. So I don’t know who you are or what you look like. But you are saying the same thing a lot of the nut jobs on FDS say, which is dating any man/ women average or below is “settling”. The truth is, not everyone is above average. Actually most aren’t (by definition) and this increased feel of self worth is why so many women are going into they’re 40/50/60s never marrying or having kids always looking for a HVM.

foxbirch · 2022-08-15T23:50:47+00:00

Everyone is gonna make excuses and try to tell you how wrong you are, but you're not wrong.

CrazyParadoxGirl · 2022-08-16T01:11:29+00:00

Lol looks aren't everything... I personally have a crush on someone simply because of the way they move and talk...

RealAmericanWeasel · 2022-08-16T14:14:57+00:00

I know we are living in the age of everything-online-is-the-most-amazing-thing-and-real-life-sucks but do you not realize the term, “three star,” or “four star,” does not refer to an online user rating system?

waraabe368 · 2022-08-16T20:11:46+00:00

I'm an absolute schizo when it comes to this. I feel an invisible pressure to marry an objectively attractive woman, not because I dislike or feel superior for average looking women, but because it's correlated to winning in my head.

Probably because I had to consciously unlearn having "low" standards, and pegged my views on the other end of the spectrum.

Title	Being attracted to average-looking people is settling/having low standards
Author	Impossible_Ad_3933
Upvotes	0
Comments	96
Date	August 15, 2022 9:01 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/wouq23/being_attracted_to_averagelooking_people_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/being-attracted-to-average-looking-people-is.1127979 https://theredarchive.com/post/1127979

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