Cold approaching?

coochie4sale · 2026-04-26T23:47:58+00:00

I have no friends who’ve met their partner via cold approach. I’ve had friends who met at college. Dating apps. TikTok DMs. Church. High school. Work. No “I waltz’d up to them and struck up a conversation with them off the street”. Most “how did you meet your partner” surveys usually have pure cold approach at sub-5% levels. The prevalence of it in online discussions seems to be super overblown compared to how much it happens in real life. It makes a great movie plot or how’d you meet story but it just doesn’t happen that much in real life. A lot of people just aren’t mentally in the headspace of wanting to meet people when they’re running errands.

As you’ve figured out by thinking through things, literally every way to meet a partner carries some form of risk or downside. It doesn’t stop relationships from starting. A lot of the situations you mention can be fixed given enough time and effort. You can make new friends/find co-ed friendly interests/have a vibrant social life without being a big drinker.

I don’t think it’s a bad strategy to pursue if you’re up for the challenge, but relative to the actual utility vs. other methods, it doesn’t seem particularly effective.

love_in_october · 2026-04-27T12:52:06+00:00

I'd only do warm approaches personally and think cold approaching I'd just very unlikely to work. I don't know any couple who met through cold approach. All the information you really have about someone is how they look, you don't have a clue if you'll be into them or they'll be into you or even if they're available. It works for one night stands sometimes, generally in pubs and clubs, but that's really it.

That said, I guess I'd still be flattered if someone cold approached me. If I was single and they were age appropriate I'd try a date.

lesliecarbone · 2026-04-27T09:17:56+00:00

I hate it with the heat of a thousand suns.

slazengerx · 2026-04-27T02:54:22+00:00

My social network (friends, parties, events, etc) and sports (tennis and padel) have been the source of 90% of my girlfriends over the years. Although I suppose my current girlfriend was a cold approach; however, it was at a dog rescue cafe so we both had an obvious shared interest, so it wasnt at all awkward. I would be reluctant to approach any woman out of the blue with no shared acquaintance or interest.

bufferinmylife · 2026-04-27T01:35:01+00:00

Do not cold approach me.

TopShelfSnipes · 2026-04-27T04:46:02+00:00

A cold approach signals desperation.

Approaching a total stranger, with nothing in common, to give them some generic compliment and ask them for a date or phone number is just cringe.

If you're doing something that's vaguely social, or you have something nonsexual to talk about to initiate a conversation, maybe some women will be open to it.

But telling a woman she's beautiful, like she hasn't heard that a million times and knows it to mean "I'd have sex with you" and then asking for a number or a date, is low probability BS that signals to her that you're so desperate for a girlfriend or sex that you'll resort to cold-calling strangers, which is never a good look.

If you're naturally conversant with people, and can frame a conversation within the context of what's going on, initiate and have a good conversation that's not about compliments or pushy sales tactics, and it seems to be going well, then maybe it's worth asking for her info to keep the conversation going after. But that's a very different vibe than the guys trying to say the magic words in a forced 20 second elevator pitch to impress her enough to say yes to him.

Warm approach is generally better as it takes some interaction for women to feel like a man is demonstrating he might have the potential to be trustworthy or to showcase that he's interesting, funny, etc. all of which are important to attraction...and failing that, having a good conversation first without any expectations of more.

That said, different rules apply in bars or parties where the atmosphere is charged with expectation for hookups/dates...more women will entertain approaches, and generally the presence of security at the venue increases the perception of safety.

So, if you've ever thought a good cold approach is, "Excuse me, miss. Can I just say you're really beautiful? I don't know how often you hear that, but can I tell you that?" (Pause) "So can I have your number / a date?" you are very, very wrong.

DatingAdviceGiver101 · 2026-04-27T00:20:56+00:00

There's always going to be people who are going to be like "don't ever do anything ever if it may make someone feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable."

I say go for it assuming you do it in a respectful manner and won't crash out if you get rejected.

If she's not interested, it will be a few seconds of slightly awkward conversation. Big whoop.

alotofironsinthefire · 2026-04-27T00:09:41+00:00

If you can read body language well and take a no, then it's fine.

The problem is men who can't do either or both of those things

Altruistic_Look_7868 · 2026-04-27T01:27:15+00:00

If you have little success on dating apps, chances are you'll have little success in real life.

bondepart · 2026-04-27T05:31:22+00:00

Not all hobbies and interests have a female demographic

I think this is a problem. How can you hope to date women if you don’t have any shared interests with them?

Secret_Entry1840 · 2026-04-26T23:41:23+00:00

Depends on how and where and by who I guess. It’s never happened to me outside of the bar, so I can’t say for sure. If I’m at the bar (I don’t drink alcohol much but it’s where i socialize. I drink soda) it’s fine. I’m not going to think date though. I’m going to think hookup. It might be okay if I’m in a store shopping. Again if it’s done in a way I like, by a person I find attractive. If it’s done in a way that doesn’t work for my brain or if I don’t find them attractive, I would feel awkward rejecting them. If I’m casually walking around during the day. Maybe same as the shopping. Walking around at night. Not as okay and more fear for rejecting.

CHINO-HILL · 2026-04-27T02:36:22+00:00

Im not for or against it, but l have never seen anyone date anyone from a cold aproach. never heard of any couples who met that way. the best analogy l heard to a cold aproach is a pop up ad

midnight_blue77 · 2026-04-27T05:25:26+00:00

It's always creepy AF and only socially inept men think it's even remotely a good idea.

The only context in which cold approaching would be ok is at a Sex Club or any other setting where you're expected to pick up women for casual no-strings attached sex.

But if you somehow think approaching strange girls at a park or at walmart is not the most creep-shit thing in the world to do then by all means proceed and tell the class how it worked out.

Content_Concert_2555 · 2026-04-26T23:46:09+00:00

The reason people don’t like it is because of people obnoxiously not taking the hint and the repeat nature of having to deal with that from multiple sources.

Throwawaypmme2 · 2026-04-27T02:49:06+00:00

Only on reddit are people against it. Its because of the people on reddit, who are bad at socializing. Would you want some person who looks homeless, stares at the ground, can't hold a conversation, and basically says suck my dick or bend me over within the first ten words?

Ive had amazing success with cold approaches everywhere, the gym, anywhere at all. I encourage people to think about the person giving them advice. If it sounds way off think about why their opinion is so off base from the norm, don't just dismiss it

Arrowdodgingace · 2026-04-27T03:29:50+00:00

It depends on your culture, the setting, and how good looking you are. A very good looking guy in an extroverted country hitting on girls at a bar is going to do very well. Change just one of these factors and it becomes exponential more difficult.

Asterion__Moloc · 2026-04-27T10:01:58+00:00

Honestly I believe that the only people that are allowed to do that are just attractive people. Never seen an average guy getying anything out of cold approaching. I'd say most of the times you'd get labelled as creepy.

It's funny how you can't even try to date friends because then women say you just wanted to be friends with them for their bodies. Honestly knowing someone you got to know through friends seems like the only acceptable way for a guy.

Honestly it feels like either you are a model or you are an asshole and sexist if you ever dare to date a woman. Attractive people literally don't have this problem lol.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2026-04-27T11:25:59+00:00

I wouldn't believe he could actually like me. He knows nothing about me, just my looks. He had no time to feel my vibe if he could like me as a person. He probably tried the on many women before, I'm not special to him. Hypotheticaly if I was available and I could se he is shy it's probably his first time doing that because he really felt personally drawn to me then maybe. But I want to be special, I want him to actually feel drawn to me, actually like me as a person. I don't want to be just another number of many to try his luck.

Pitiful_Home5655 · 2026-04-27T12:49:41+00:00

It's one of the most pointless humiliation rituals of all time for the majority of guys. If a guy is attractive enough to where a cold approach would work more than like 10% of the time, then he's probably also attractive enough to not need to cold approach to begin with. Conversely, if he isn't, then a cold approach is going to have a success rate that hovers at roughly 0%. It's not really an 'alternative route to women'; if you're not having any success on dating apps, it's extremely unlikely that you're going to find any success in cold approaches.

Pro-IDGAF · 2026-04-27T13:37:55+00:00

cold approach only works if the woman already thinks he's attractive, that's why it'll work with a guy 10% of the time. been there seen that with my bold approval male buddys

Trancetastic16 · 2026-04-27T13:41:45+00:00

It’s always been niche, but will inevitably become more common once declining third spaces and increasing social media usage cause people to become more desperate to meet others in real-life in what few remaining manners they can.

Aside from social groups and events, Cold Approach is also one of my few methods and I’ve done so before.

Some of us wouldn’t be here without it and that also applies to how my parents met.

The best method is through natural conversation and observation, then shooting your shot to exchange details if you both detect such a natural connection, not pick-up artistry BS.

chile-pica · 2026-04-27T14:18:16+00:00

I find that people are hesitant to say that men should approach even after receiving signals. More often I find people counsel dudes to “never assume XYZ is a signal”

matthedev · 2026-04-27T15:24:55+00:00

So it sounds like "warm approach" is used for when someone has shown nonverbal signs of interest whereas "cold approach" is making an approach where the person may not have even noticed you before you say hello. With that distinction, I'd say go for the warm approach, not the completely cold approach.

Get better at looking for cues signaling potential interest, and if you're not getting any, do things to improve your ability to attract interest in the first place. In my opinion, this is fine and even the best way to meet women. Obviously, if they're busy or losing interest, break off the conversation and say good-bye.

If your "algorithm" is telling you never to approach women in public, yeah, don't approach those specific women, but they don't speak for all women just as you or I can't speak for all men.

My career has been software engineering, and most of my friends are more introverted or nerdy, and at least where I live now, things like Meetup aren't actually great for dating or meeting people who will in turn introduce you to high-quality women, so the cold approach—or warm approach, really—seems to be the best way.

Do what works over what doesn't work. Ignore whatever crap the "algorithm" is force-feeding you.

ThatBitchA · 2026-04-26T23:30:53+00:00

Cold approaching is never respectful, short, or considerate.

There's nothing respectful or considerate about interrupting someone to tell them you think they are attractive.

They can go their whole life without needing to know you find them attractive.

It's not fruitful enough to actually rely on.

What's fruitful is having friends and regular ssocializing.

Solondthewookiee · 2026-04-26T23:50:51+00:00

Being successful at cold approaching generally requires a lot of charisma and a lot of social/emotional intelligence. Lacking the latter is what usually irritates women and if you have trouble with reading people and situations (i.e. you think women are expecting you to be a mind reader), you probably shouldn't cold approach.

I was never very good at it because I suck at small talk and I'm not good at striking up a conversation with someone I know nothing about. The few times I did have success with it, it was because we had a reason to start chatting beyond "I think you're cute."

Expensive_Lion1807 · 2026-04-27T01:54:35+00:00

There is zero chance that I will ever date someone who cold approaches me.

That said, if men insist on doing it and are respectful and take no for an answer gracefully, I will be kind and polite in my declination.

If they don’t take the no gracefully the first time, I will say or do whatever I feel will end the encounter most quickly, effectively and permanently. That may well not be kind or polite.

Either way, please know that even if I’m kind and polite, I will be privately annoyed at the unsolicited interruption in my day because I guarantee I have not indicated any interest in a romantic encounter with a stranger.

I get it. Do what you have to do. It’s not going to work on me but I understand that if you lack the ability to read social cues, you may not realize that ahead of time. If you play nice, so will I.

But just know that I really wish you would just not put either of us through it in the first place.

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2026-04-27T00:35:35+00:00

personally, the majority of the I didn’t like it. Ranges from a feeling of distress to a feeling of waiting for a ad to finish.

however we are going through a cultural dating shift and I think cold approaching is part of that shift, especially for young people. I’ve seen this work once IRL.

I think part of the reason for the shift online dating dating apps are so not so strange to go on a date with a complete stranger . Versus before if some stranger came to me, stranger danger - distress. if people are just dating people that are strangers anyway online then seeing someone then giving them your number doesn’t seem like such a large leap or if they have your Instagram and they can text and talk for a while.

I personally still don’t like it but I’ve heard it’s not as distressing to the younger generation since they date strangers anyways.

society000 · 2026-04-27T01:05:25+00:00

I'd rather chew glass than give a random woman free entertainment by humiliating myself by cold approaching. Granted, I'm never gonna approach under any circumstances, because I know it'll never go well for me, and no woman wants me to bother them anyways.

I'd warn against it unless you're unironically a 9 or 10.

jorts-enthusiast · 2026-04-27T01:15:24+00:00

Cold approaching is totally fine as long as you can take a no with grace, and do it in an appropriate way and in an appropriate place.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2026-04-27T01:50:27+00:00

I've never been a fan, I don't like when people bug me for no good reason. I just tell them that I'm not interested, and if they keep insisting past that, I'm a lot less polite.

BrainMarshal · 2026-04-27T01:59:39+00:00

I feel cold approaching is for suckers.

Women need to stop being wimps and step up like the men have to do.

dribblestrings · 2026-04-27T02:11:34+00:00

If you know how to take a no, and will leave it at that - sure, why not. If you will ask me questions and harass me after I say no - HELL no. Leave me alone

KayRay1994 · 2026-04-26T23:29:02+00:00

To me it is setting dependent. When one is doing errands, walking down the street, working out and so on. It is prob best not to approach them (though if you’re confident in your ability to read social cues and they seem approachable, do so respectfully). In spots like bars, clubs, cafes, parks, hobby groups, concerts, college (the common areas), and so on… these are spots where socialization is expected so go nuts assuming you’re being respectful and the person doesn’t look occupied.

I wouldn’t worry about every little technicality as well. Just ask yourself “is this a setting where socialization is the norm, or are people here to complete a task?” and take it from there

growframe · 2026-04-26T23:47:29+00:00

I don't think it's very effective, but I also think it's pointless to psych yourself out of it. The rejections of stranger women who didn't want to fuck you in the first place will have precisely zero impact on your life. If you think it's effective, it's irrelevant whether people consider it "okay"

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2026-04-27T00:16:51+00:00

Cold approach is absolutely one of the best ways to level up your game. It pays dividends not just in the occasional success… but in literally getting you good at striking up engaging conversation with anyone anywhere whether it’s a tinder date, business/sales call, or impressing your friends friends or new people you meet. It’s never bad to be able to be the life of the party when the opportunity arises.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-04-27T00:36:10+00:00

People should be allowed to do it, because we allow people to sell things to others

GGMcThroway · 2026-04-27T01:07:51+00:00

It would require being in a high trust society with clear rules and defaults on how to proceed.

Men don't want the responsibility of living in a high trust society, and they certainly don't want to be held accountable when they try and skirt said rules and defaults.

So it has no place in the world.

anomalocarus · 2026-04-27T01:39:44+00:00

Most of the cold approaches ive had were fine and respectful. Most guys have some level of awareness and "reading the room" i guess, where theyll ask me out while im having fun shopping or at a park, and not under dark overpasses or alleyways at nightime (or anything similar). I think if more women had my realtively positive experiences then theyd be more open to it, but it seems like the men in my area are much more respectful than others.

RelativeYak7 · 2026-04-27T02:02:32+00:00

Even if you are the hottest guy on the planet a cold approach tells me I'm the 50th woman you've tried this crap with that day and you are someone who will cheat on me because you have the balls to approach random women. That makes you someone i do not want to know.

OpinionatedESLTeachr · 2026-04-27T04:29:58+00:00

For me, I don't mind a cold approach. The issue is how that person handles a 'no thanks'. That is the big key.

...Just don't approach while I'm reading, that is very dangerous to your health and life.

7186997326 · 2026-04-27T05:09:27+00:00

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. As long as you don't expect anything and are cool with rejection, I see no issue.

Lemon_gecko · 2026-04-27T07:10:50+00:00

As a woman. I don't mind if it's respectful and not when I'm obviously in a rush or chaotic.

I know that the chances are low and for most people most of the time it's just a waste of time (if the goal for it to lead somewhere).

But. The thing is I know two men who are highly successful at cold approaching. Maybe 3. So why not?

Title	Cold approaching?
Author	mrpidgie
Upvotes	7
Comments	80
Date	April 26, 2026 10:10 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1swl6rn/cold_approaching/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cold-approaching.1578955 https://theredarchive.com/post/1578955

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