Hi, I am a 25 years old male and this is my first entry in this sub.

English is not my first language, and I can only hope that I will be able to make myself understandable.

As it seems with many people here, my love life has been pretty disappointing so far, to say the least, and I have never been i a real relationship.

I think, strictly descriptively speaking, that quite a big amount lot of red- and blackpill- philosophy might be true, though other parts of it are probably rubbish; though it depends a lot on my current mood, and stage of depression sometimes, how much of it I believe tbh.

Fairly recently, I had a long (drunk-ish) evening talk with a female friend of mine, who is pretty involved in feminist activism, about male dating struggles and how tough it can be to always be the one who has to make the first move, and how disheartening rejections can feel.

Somewhat to my surprise, my friend agreed with me on many points and confirmed that it was much easier for women to get into sexual relationships (even if you're not particularly attractive), and that you can kinda lay back and wait for guys approaching you, if you're shy yourself.

Her advice to me, however, was that I should get involved with more feminist women as they (1) are open to different male body types (I am not very tall for example), and (2) they usually are more confident about asking guys out themselves, since they want to question different role models.

Curiously enough, when I went to /r askfeminists the other day, I saw that one of the top post of last week (or last month) expressed a similar feeling, where a woman posted that she became more proactive when it comes to dating, since she developed an interest in feminism.

I honestly wonder to what extend you all believe this to be true and I would love to hear some perspectives from both men and women.

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In a way, I would like it to be the case, since it would open up a way to escape incel ideology. It might suggest that people (men and women) can indeed transform their desires, to some degree, and there is hope for the dating nightmare many humans are living in atm.

I certainly do have doubts, however. In my experience, maybe most of the feminists I know from real life (I am studying philosophy, so I know quite a few) fall into one of two categories:

There are (1) the women who will call themselves "feminists", and they might be on twitter or tumblr liking posts with a girl-bossy-attitude, but they never read any theory or thought more deeply about the subject. A lot women at the university are like this tbh. They might sometimes say that men have it hard as well bc society doesn't let boys cry or something, but many of them will return to virgin-shaming, height-shaming or fat-shaming men a few minutes later. They are feminists when it fits them and I won't talk about them anymore in this post.

Then there are the feminists (2) who really make an effort to have a broader perspective on things, read theory, try to have compassion and show interest for the struggle of both genders.

In my personal experience, however, type 2 feminists (like the friend I was talking about earlier), or at least some of them, really try to be understanding towards men's issues, and you can have emotional and productive conversitations with them, without any kind of virgin-shaming, but at the same time, I haven't made the observation that their dating life truly is very different from most other women (or that the type of guys the fall for are very different than the guys most other women fall for).

Sometimes, and though it's hard to make generalizations, it feels to me (personally) even the other way round, and that women who are less explicitly feminist are easier to date for me.

This will sound very incel-ish, but wonder if this could be the case bc many feminists (at least the ones I know) don't really believe in monogamous relationships anymore, or at least not on a theoretical level (many believe in "free love", without restrictions); and promiscuity, short term affairs and loose flings tend to almost only favour especially goodlooking and confident guys?