Women do seem less desperate than men are for relationships. Many of them claim they can be happy single. Meanwhile, you see so many men that aren’t content single and actively look for sex and love. It makes it seem like men are more desperate to be in a relationship. This may be true. But most likely not in the way you’d think. it’s in no way inherent. There are underlying factors that influence this and as a man, I know this, because I’m experiencing it myself.

The issue here is that dating seems to be very rigged for men generally speaking . It’s inequal. It’s unfair. I used to believe it was fair, until i’ve been single for a longer time than i’ve wanted to. It got to the point I started to get frustrated about the fact that i’d probably have to seriously download a dating app in order to simply get a relationship, rather than meeting my other half in real life. At that point I got to realize that dating apparently is hard. There are so many reasons that contribute to many men having a harder time, but I won’t name them here, because that’s not what my post is mainly about.

Women seem to be at a bigger advantage in dating (at least at young age), while the average man doesn’t seem to have that privilege. Like I see myself as at least decently attractive. There’s nothing about myself that repulses me, yet I barely ever get approached by any woman. I do feel invisible to them. Let alone men that do worser. I see how much dating options they tend to have. Now that explained everything to me. The whole reason I feel more desperate, is because my options seem to be very limited. This is an issue, because at the end of the day, you’ll still have the desire for a relationship hardwired into your biology. It’s not necessarily not having a relationship that’s stressful, it’s lacking dating options and opportunities which’d allow you to get into one easier than without. This stress can turn into desperation. See it like with food and water. Both are essential human needs. They are required to survive and therefore we have been biologically “programmed” to crave it and look for it (if we have to) When you are advantaged in the sense that you’re from a wealthy country and don’t struggle with getting those needs fulfilled at any time you’d please, you won’t be as desperate. It won’t feel like a need. Simply because the brain knows there is no hurry when there’s a surplus. In the case that you don’t have food and water and don’t have guarantees of getting it, the situation changes. At that point you are basically forced to actively look for it. Desperation can kick in because of how stressful the fact is that there is no guarantee. Because at the end of the day it’s a fundamental need. Relationships are similar. Biologically speaking, men and women are supposed to couple at adult age. It ensures pretty much the main purpose of an organism ultimately: to reproduce and pass on their genes. That is very important evolutionary speaking. With it being a main purpose, it makes sense that we have been wired to crave it as a need. Because men tend to be more sexually driven, women tend to have much more dating options and opportunities by default than men do. At that point, they can afford themselves to have higher standards and be more content single.

It’s not just sexual desperation that kicks in when you cannot fulfill your sexual desires. Because women have more dating options generally speaking (mostly because of men’s sexual drives), they’re much more selective romantically as well. This means romantic desperation can kick in too if it affects men’s options. Not because men are inherently more desperate for romance, but simply because they tend to have less opportunities and options to fulfill their innate desire for romantic relationships. And yes, it is a fundamental biological urge. That’s the whole reason people crave relationships by default and complain about it when they struggle with getting them.

I personally was never desperate for a relationship until i found out about men’s difficulties in dating and experienced it myself. At the point I noticed how disadvantaged i actually am, it became stressful, especially when I found out that relationships aren’t guaranteed. Desperation slightly started to kick in. I don’t know why, but i just believe that it’s a natural reaction to struggling with getting a fundamental human desire fulfilled. It probably is meant to get me to fulfill it by putting more focus on it. Just like being desperate for food and water are when you have a hard time finding it. And it sucks, because this can damage mental health.

I know for a fact that if i did have as many options as the women I see, I wouldn’t be as desperate. I’d be much more content single. Why? Because i’d know i could change this at any time i’d want. Those options would reassure me the same way that having food and water does. There would be no hurry to be in a relationship and i’d be able to postpone it. I wouldn’t be actively looking for it. I’ve had a debate with some men about this and they feel the same. I’m sure this applies to much more men.

Edit: I forgot to add that men really aren’t more attracted to women than women are to men. Some women love to say that (i’d assume it’s a good mindset for their ego’s) They’re just more sexually driven. But real attraction (infatuation) still has to happen to make a man romantically interested in women. And I’m sure no man gets infatuated to any woman they meet. They (myself included) usually only get genuinely attracted to a few women. Most women aren’t attractive romantically to me personally. Though my sexual drive can partly attract me to them, because of sexual lust.