Q4W: How important are your preferences?

Siukslinis_acc · 2022-01-29T08:20:54+00:00

Requitements and preferences are different things.

For me preferences are bonus stuff that gives bonus attractiveness points. But it's not a thing where if you don't have them you have no chance. So the preferences are not that important as long as there are other things that give you enough attractiveness points to be considered.

iAm_GoonyToon · 2022-01-29T15:39:16+00:00

Preferences: Curvy girls, and skinny or thick guys who lift (male partners must be feminine), a little or lots of tattoos, generally active or willing to do outdoorsy things like hiking and kayaking. Being an occasional gym partner would be awesome. Height isn't relevant, and I'm generally less attracted to Asian women and Hispanic men. Transpeople are just fine too.

Requirements: Absolutely no conservatives or Reichwingers, Don't be morbidly obese or severely underweight, must be intelligent (that doesn't mean they have to have a degree). They have to be open to sharing new experiences, and they've gotta have some sort of hobby or special interest. Making $10/hr isn't acceptable for an LTR. Drug free, obviously. Any mental illness can't be debilitating, and there's no circumstance where I want kids; I'm only 21 and I've already been snipped. Nobody who heavily identifies with a regressive foreign culture.

42nanaimobars · 2022-01-29T07:33:56+00:00

Preferences just serve as a beginner’s manual for communicating what a person thinks is aesthetically/intellectually pleasing. In the real world, each person has to observe the situation in front of them and make a decision based on their observations. There’s always a surprise. Like how p=mv (p is momentum, m is mass, and v is the velocity vector) applies to certain cases, but doesn’t hold up in other cases where you need relativistic momentum (the true formula for momentum), the beginner’s manual of preferences doesn’t always hold up in real life.

Worried-Smile · 2022-01-29T08:14:44+00:00

Honestly, for me they proved to be quite unimportant. When I met my LTR BF, I wasn't actively looking for a relationship. I hadn't really thought much about my preferences at all. I've never really had 'a type' of guy that I liked. Then I met my bf, fell in love, and that was that.

EdessaKandros · 2022-01-29T07:15:26+00:00

I don’t have physical preferences other than a guy being healthy and white/Asian (no curly hair). My requirement is a man that is a provider and leader of the family.

funlightmandarin · 2022-01-29T09:58:06+00:00

I can look past preferences, but not requirements. Blonde hair isn't the most attractive imo for example, but hardly important for a relationship.

Me finding him attractive is critical though.

My current gf is shorter than me but we click so much, I enjoy spending time with her. She’s probably 5’4, really cute attractive face and small breast. I viewed her as a wife.

It sounds like you find her attractive enough, but finding someone you click together with is rare.

extrachromozomes · 2022-01-29T07:29:52+00:00

The main preference I care about is them being taller than me but that’s not much to ask for being 5’4

ashpr0ulx · 2022-01-29T09:46:55+00:00

preferences are important- but a spark is more important. spark + some of my preferences is the ideal

januaryphilosopher · 2022-01-29T11:15:06+00:00

Not very. If something is particularly important to me, it's a requirement. I don't expect anybody to meet all of my preferences, it's just that the more they meet the more likely I am to find them attractive.

bardy1972 · 2022-01-29T15:46:45+00:00

My most important preferences are not physical. There not really preferences actually, they are must-haves. I will not be able to live with a man who doesn't have all of these.

Clean up after yourself, like really clean up.

Conscientious in all things. The way you pack a suitcase, the way you drive, staying on top of vehicle maintenance. Bring your A game, and don't half-ass it. No sloppiness. You can have off days, and so can I, but those should be <10% of the time.

Resourcefulness and skills. You need to be handy. If something needs to be done (car repairs, renovations, appliance repair, etc) you should be able to research it, determine if you can safely do it yourself, then follow through (do it or hire a pro).

Financial savvy. I guess this could fall under conscientiousness. Pay your bills on time, and actually read your bank statements. Don't piss away money on "wants."

Communication skills. Express yourself and do it effectively.

Witty and funny. We should be able to make each other laugh and have meaningful and thought provoking conversations.

Sleep schedule. I go to bed early and hit the ground running at 5 am, sometimes even on the weekend. It would be weird to live with a night owl who sleeps in. There's nothing wrong with it, we would just be on very different schedules.

Loyalty. Don't cheat on me.

I check out these boxes, and I expect a partner that matches me.

A man who checks out these boxes, regardless of height, salary, fitness level, and attractiveness will be more appealing than a 6'3" Adonis who makes 6 figures but is missing just one of my must haves.

Is it unrealistic? Not at all, because they are all things a man can develop (regardless of genes and education level).

And since I don't need a relationship, I don't need to adjust my expectations to what is available.

jonrah69 · 2022-01-29T15:52:21+00:00

(23M) i find my preferences are similar to what women want which is kind of funny. Obviously attractiveness is the main factor however i really like when girls are well dressed (fashionable in some way wether it be city girl, indie, athliesure, or southern bell) confident/not awkward, tallish (5’7 -5’8 is my ideal), good hygiene, smart, and has a job.

None of these are harsh requirements but definitely give a big boost and i am able to find a good number of women like this fortunately

boofthegirl · 2022-01-29T07:59:36+00:00

My only strict preferences are:

taller than me (I’m 5’5 so)
good personal hygiene

Definitely have a preference for bigger dudes like Adam Driver, Jason Mamoa, etc aesthetically wise. My current partner of 6 years is 5’9-5’10(?). I dont know for sure bc I don’t really care. He is built bigger and is very muscly but not super ripped also which I find very attractive. He also has a beard and is hairy which I find attractive.

Looks aren’t everything. I definitely look at whatever else someone brings to the table first.

nikki1810 · 2022-01-29T17:10:28+00:00

My preferences arent that much imo, just be my hieght or taller(5'4"), be mobile, be some form of intelligent ( socially, academically, street smarts etc) and dont be racist, sexist, or misogynist. I dont think I'll ever budge on them, seeing as they are pretty standard.

Midnightchickover · 2022-01-29T09:56:09+00:00

Preferences for not being an a-hole/c#-+ to strangers, wait staff, crew, and homeless people (esp. If they are minding their business) is pretty high. Entitled, arrogance, disrespectful, and condescending kills the mood, pretty quickly.

Talking too much about exes, especially in negative manner.

Physical preferences - Pretty close to none, but ... I'm a sucker for people with great, stylish, or unusual fashion.

That's it.

My spouse is not someone I dreamed or I imagined marrying. But, she is better and greater than all my crushes and dreams put together.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2022-01-29T12:08:10+00:00

The only thing I ever compromised on was the 6figure part . However the other 6s were not hard to come by . Most men in the South , White , tall (6ft+) and have good genetics that I find desirable, Good amount are Blue Collared workers making the National average or slightly above , which is okay in my book. (I'm not dependent on my husband for financial stability, I'm the breadwinner technically) Don't get me wrong I've worked around men that make more in white collar jobs, but their missing something that I find sexy in a man that works outdoors . Grit , assertiveness, strength , knowledge about getting things done , endurance , over all agreeable personality .

LittyKitsune · 2022-01-29T10:58:14+00:00

Not important. That's what separates a preference from a requirement.

figuringMylife · 2022-01-29T14:52:36+00:00

just looking for a deep emotional connection with a man that’s attractive to me and treats me right. anything else is a cherry on top.

GwenXi · 2022-01-30T01:45:08+00:00

I don’t have any preferences personally. My requirements are to be taller than me. Which is quite easy as I am only about 5”2 and the average US man is 5”9.

I believe height is a definite deal breaker, and I am very stuck in my ways as I am not willing to put it aside.

Now, I won’t be rude and discouraging to those who don’t fit my requirements.

RealNiceLady · 2022-02-09T12:26:14+00:00

My preferences don't matter because the guys who meet them don't pursue.

CFinCanada · 2022-01-29T15:38:37+00:00

I like guys who are ectomorphs, on the lanky side. I don't know why exactly, I think it's an envy thing, because I wish I could eat everything and not get fat myself lol. It wasn't a requirement though like I've dated guys with different body types but just most of them have been on the lankier/skinnier side, not all of them.

I also had a mild preference for guys with big brown eyes before I met my boyfriend, like Chris Carrabba's or Avan Jogia's, but my boyfriend's are big and blue-green. So again, not a deal breaker, just a mild preference. Like I wouldn't not date a guy just because his eyes were small and brown instead of big and brown, for example.

Physically, I didn't have a ton of preferences. Just not fat, not below 5"6" (which is my height), and a cute smile. So I don't think I would compromise on them because there weren't an excessive amount in the first place.

Edit: oh, I see people adding personality traits here. Well, there I have absolute dealbreakers. No right-wingers, no wanting kids, no nonmonogamists, no smokers or people who do hard drugs, no religious guys, no people whose favourite music is country or rap. I actually had more dealbreakers than preferences because while I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted, I knew exactly what I didn't want. I did have a preference for extroverts which I would say was negotiable.

alialahmad1997 · 2022-01-29T18:02:12+00:00

The 6 6 6 isn't unreasonable preference

It is unreasonable for the average woman

However the top 10 % of women can get that without a problem

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NarniaFox · 2022-01-29T11:13:17+00:00

I don't have much of visual preferences, they're pretty much "don't be deformed/ugly", but I have a lot of preferences in regards of one's personality, beliefs, future plans, age, educated etc. and most of them aren't negotiable.

BluetoothMcGee · 2022-01-29T11:19:13+00:00

Very. The last time I didn't care about preferences I was the laughing stock of the whole school.

Never again.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-01-29T14:48:16+00:00

[permanently deleted]

amergent · 2022-01-29T14:48:35+00:00

I, as a man, think some personal preferences matter more than others.

watercoffeebeerz · 2022-01-29T15:34:18+00:00

Preference is not important at all. I’m more concerned with our bond.

Height, hair color, face structure, dick size, or anything people normally bring up in regards to preference, is trivial.

Honestly, if I cannot have a conversation or talk about hobbies/interests, or anything really, then I don’t really think the relationship will work.

RedPill115 · 2022-01-29T15:41:34+00:00

I have a preference for big boobs...but if she has a cute face I find I don't care.
I have a preference for a cute face, but I find that if she's emotionally energetic I don't care.

The only thing that remains consistent is that I'm unnattracted to women who are emotional black holes, it doesn't matter what physical features they have or don't have.

Sensitive-Permit-877 · 2022-01-29T16:11:17+00:00

My preferences are never looks. Mine are good personality has a goal in mind. Whats the next ten years look like and what quirks or negatives can I tolerate with this person. Lumping people into groups or wants will make you single and alone fast

NaturalQueer · 2022-01-29T16:48:59+00:00

Preferences to me are like ice cream most of the time, I prefer chocolate, but if someone asks me if I want ice cream but strawberry or vanilla I am not going to say no. I find a wide variety of features attractive on a wide variety of people, so if we click but they don’t meet a preference oh well.

Mosagun · 2022-01-29T16:55:24+00:00

If we’re just talking preferences and not requirements, I can look past it so long as he is more aligned than not with my preferences. If he meets all the requirements but fits few to no preferences I would not be interested.

lissssa-13 · 2022-01-29T17:05:25+00:00

I prefer a guy that’s taller than me, but I’ve dated men who said they were around “5’10” which as a women who’s 5”8 I know will put us at about the same height lol. I prefer non white men, but I’ve dated pale blondes. I’m more attracted to attitude and personality than any particular look type.

The must haves are more lifestyle, ambition, future plans, and personality. I wouldn’t date a non professional again, I wouldn’t date someone uneducated again. We aren’t aligned. I want an equal.

Ok_Milk_6020 · 2022-01-29T19:03:45+00:00

Just give me broad, muscular shoulders to rest my head on and i'll look over everything else. That is the single most attractive thing for me.

pongaminbloom · 2022-01-29T20:27:11+00:00

Clicking as a friend doesn't create attraction by itself, even though I wish it did. Preference matter for determining whether my feelings are going to be platonic or romantic.

However, there are very few preferences that are absolute. Whether I'm attracted to someone is less about them hitting everything on a checklist, than hitting just enough of them. Someone can be wayyy off on a lot of these things and still hit my ultimate attractiveness bar. That's not just a cope, as it applies to men I'm never going to meet who would have ZERO% chance of being interested if I did meet them. It's also noteworthy that I have had overwhelming feelings for someone before, and I felt more attracted to him than anyone in the world. He came at the right time of my life when I had no baggage or dating experience. He overwhelmed me with how lovable and brilliant and graceful he was. I liked his smell, and his hands, and the way he looked at me sometimes made me almost faint. It's like he flipped a switch that shut out everyone else and there wasn't really a competition anymore on my end.

Reisiluu · 2022-01-29T22:09:05+00:00

I'm willing to look past a lot of things but a guy has to compensate in some other way so I can even be attracted to him in the first place. I don't have to settle for a guy who is worse than average in every possible metric. A few things are deal breakers.

Icanusethesamehat · 2022-01-29T22:54:50+00:00

Very, I wouldn’t consider a non-geek, unintelligent, or a sports fan or anyone who doesnt like cats. I never cared that much about appearance or wealth. Good hygiene too. But the cat thing is important, cuz I’m not giving up my cat for some dick. For women I like bitch chicks but I’m engaged to a excellent, eccentric man right now, so that’s off the table,

foodforless · 2022-01-30T00:55:32+00:00

My non negotiables/preferences is we have to have very similar personalities, down to the weird coincidental stuff. I never got along with men who don’t have the same humor, video game presences, values on life etc. as me and I don’t think I ever will. I tried and it just sucks

lonely_mixtape · 2022-01-30T04:40:52+00:00

My preferences aren't extremely important. They're what will usually initially draw me to a guy, but if I get to know a guy who's outside my preferences and they have an attractive personality, visual preferences won't matter too much (eg. I'm usually not into black guys as purely a superficial preference, but one of my closest guy friends was black and I definitely considered him as an option because he was a great guy). In fact, the more I get to know a guy and find their personality attractive, the more I notice things visually about them that I find attractive. It also helps that my preferences tend to be the majority of guys I'm around. I like men taller than me, and men in my area are on average at least taller than me. I like dark hair and eyes, which are also quite common. And as long as they have a decent face and aren't obese, that's good too.

My current boyfriend is definitely all of my preferences, but at this point I'm not sure if it's because that's because he just happens to be what I like, or because my preferences are based off of him. I didn't like long hair, piercings or beards on men until I started dating him. I didn't like dad bods until dating him either. So my preferences kind of change depending on the guys I'm currently into. The only ones that have always been the same is that I like dark eyes, men taller than me, and dislike blonde hair. And even then there have always been men I've liked that have been outliers to those.

GirlMetWorld · 2022-01-29T17:32:05+00:00

you prefer a 6ft tall woman when youre 5’8?

ChromaticVengeance · 2022-01-29T19:13:24+00:00

Requirements for men:

Tallen than 5'9
Skinny and athletic (ectomorph body type)
Nice hair
Intelligent and come from a good family

Requirements for women:

Visible waist
Plump butt
Healthy BMI
Hourglass or pear shaped body (no wider shoulder, that's masculine)
5'3 or tallen

The rest, I can decide based on context.

Fiestygirl000 · 2022-01-29T12:48:11+00:00

My preferences are very important to me it helps me screen for potential mates. I tried giving a guy who didn’t meet my preferences a shot , I found myself easily dismissing some of his feelings and truth be told I wasn’t really into him. I guess you say I was emotionally distant , the vibe wasn’t the same compared to my other relationships.

Preferences: height must be 5’10 and up Background: Semi religious, 2 parent household, decent relationship with his family No kids

quiturbitchn · 2022-01-29T13:36:30+00:00

My preferences are what I vet men on. Men who don’t meet them don’t make it very far

Goth_Lizard · 2022-01-29T13:51:53+00:00

Not at all barring one thing. Must have same sense of humour. If I cannot joke with you and all six of your abs you can take them esehwere

SnooCats37 · 2022-01-29T14:20:10+00:00

I haven’t really got a type physically. When I met my husband I wasn’t really looking for anyone. We just hit it off and I fell for him quickly.

thetruthishere_ · 2022-01-29T14:36:59+00:00

I prefer 5ft 10 or taller as Im 5ft 7.

Three of my long terms were 5ft 7-5ft 9.

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-01-29T15:23:59+00:00

I have plenty of standards that are nonnegotiable, but a majority of them don't involve physical looks.

sarkington · 2022-01-29T16:21:12+00:00

It’s the whole reason women are more discriminate than men, ain’t it?

learn2earn89 · 2022-01-29T17:40:26+00:00

Idk, when I’m attracted to someone it just sort of happens, I don’t think about it. I tend to be attracted to full head of hair, tan (to light skin, v-shaped torso, generally slim (maybe a tiny but of belly), and unfortunately yes, tall men.

It’s really not a preference because being attracted to someone is not something I can reason myself into. It just is.

As far as personality, that’s trickier.

neetykeeno · 2022-01-29T23:20:25+00:00

I have always been drawn to guys who are between 3 and 12 inches taller than me, have pale skin and dark hair, and noses that are smooth, symmetrical and straight... possibly just a little upturned but definitely not hooked or aquiline. I prefer neutrally sloped eyes yet don't mind slightly downward sloping eyes but they definitely must have a kind look not a sad look if they are downward sloping. I prefer eyebrows that are thick but can't stand monobrows. I prefer a little bit of curl or wave in hair. I prefer a full head of hair but if that isn't what a guy has I prefer he not do the shave it all off routine. I like lips that are somewhat on the dark and ruddy side. I prefer guys that don't bench press, those titty muscles look plain wrong to me. I like a little bit of brow ridge but not too much.

I don't think I would ever have bothered with a guy who didn't at least partially meet my preferences no matter how much we enjoyed talking to each other.

I also don't think my preferences have ever been a big deal...there are a lot of local men who fit the pattern.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-01-30T03:03:58+00:00

Preferences are all mitigatable, changeable, can be revised or worked around. My standards cannot (non-negotiables) but it's the man's ballpark to pose a good offer.

If he has a good offer and pitch, I will either revise my own to match his or take the risk on what he is pitching if likes what I answer with because I want to keep him. You then enter a monogamous deal that exists on a series of promises to be met through healthy compromise.

Men with bad offers are always deal breakers because they don't meet minimum standards. They want to control the narrative and control the direction, removing the investors freedom to chose while also simultaneously lacking trust and believe in their own product.

This is why women choose Bad Boys over the "good guy". His product isn't necessarily better; he is just a skilled businessman with a dynamite pitch. He believes in his product. He believes in his audience browsing to invest can wield their wallets and money wisely; or at least gives that false impression to the browser. That is important distinction.

Ppdebateismental · 2022-01-30T03:14:33+00:00

Apparently my preferences aren’t important at all. If you asked me for the ideal guy? 6/6/6. Tall, dark and handsome, slim, college educated professional. If you asked me who was the least compatible guy I ever dated? The only 6/6/6 I ever dated, and he had dark hair, was slim and a never married chemical engineer with no kids. He looked great on paper and was a nice guy. I can’t explain it, except to say there was “no spark”.

Husband is tall and was poor, ex was short and got rich through self employement. Dated a guy an inch shorter who was a bit stocky. Seems like the guys who attract me don’t always fit my type at all.

I think most people really need to stay away from OLD. Looking good on paper and clicking with someone? Often very different.

Goldfish112233 · 2022-01-30T15:06:40+00:00

My requirements are a completely different thing than my preferences. For instance.

Requirements: has a big heart and not particularly scared to show their emotions (not to say that they must always feel emotional, but rather that they feel empathy since empathy is a really big part of myself), doesn’t want birth children/fine with adopting (I have a fear of giving birth and all that), and likes physical touch. Doesn’t think they own me,my mind, or my body.

Preferences: smart/intelligent, words of affirmation, I tend to prefer guys with feminine features, not excessively obese (this isn’t important to me much though, if someone was obese it wouldn’t stop me from dating them), likes traveling and moving.

If I prefer something, it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t date someone that doesn’t fall in that (I don’t know if I worded this correctly).

Title	Q4W: How important are your preferences?
Author	TheOtherGuysSequel
Upvotes	26
Comments	144
Date	January 29, 2022 7:11 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/sfcm07/q4w_how_important_are_your_preferences/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-how-important-are-your-preferences.1099122 https://theredarchive.com/post/1099122

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