Should housework be split 50/50 if both parters are working full time?

ThatGuyFromThisPlace · 2024-11-14T14:34:03+00:00

I think house work should be considered work, and the total amount of work each partner does should be roughly equal. That also requires shared finances, though.

Fair-Bus-4017 · 2024-11-14T14:43:55+00:00

You want to divide housework so that both parties involved roughly has the same amount of free time.

Unless something works better for you two specifically. But this should be the default way of doing things.

throwRA-lifeadvice · 2024-11-14T15:48:11+00:00

Easy solution...its our house, our bills, our responsibility. Not tallied, or tracked, etc. we just both contribute like responsible adults.

StunningSort3082 · 2024-11-14T14:49:10+00:00

The couple needs to decide in a split that feels equitable. You’re not going to achieve a true 50/50 split, because there life ebbs and flows.

For example, if one spouse has surgery, there might be several months where the other spouse has to do it all and take care of their recovering spouse. The same goes after child birth. At least in our family, the only thing I did for the first 8w pp was take care of our newborn(s), and my husband did absolutely everything else for our family.

When my husband was a SAHD, I still made dinner as soon as I got home from work, and helped considerably with childcare when I was home to allow him to spend time on hobbies or with friends.

Right now, both my husband and I work, but he’s responsible for more than half of the every day household chores. He’s very particular about how they’re done, and for most of the year he has an extremely flexible work schedule. We make adjustments week to week, but we feel it’s equitable and that’s all that matters.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-11-14T14:57:27+00:00

OP, please update this post and ask who did men's chores when they lived alone and worked the same hours. Pleaseanthankyou.

Environmental_Day558 · 2024-11-14T15:24:40+00:00

It should be equitable. I make a significant amount more than my wife so I pay most of the bills. But since we both work 8hrs, we split the house work up. I cook, she cleans the kitchen. I'll do the laundry, she'll fold it. So on.

Xeltar · 2024-11-14T14:31:24+00:00

I don't think this should be a hard rule and certainly sometimes one partner would need to step up more depending on circumstance. But it's good goal to strive for if both partners are working full time. If somebody is SAH, they should ofc have the bulk of domestic tasks outside of circumstance.

I do not take income into account at all, time is time and sometimes I'm just in a more lucrative field, I hate cleaning floors so I do hire a cleaner for that if feeling lazy.

EulenWatcher · 2024-11-14T14:51:07+00:00

It makes sense to split housework proportionally to the free time and energy both partners have. If you’re a team and you want to take care of each other, you want to make sure that you both have enough free time to unwind and actually spend together. An ER nurse clearly has less time and energy than an office worker. A student cramping for the exam might have less time than their working partner. A construction worker has less energy to spare after their working day etc.

Just to give an example - my husband and I share chores by the principle “who can do it right now”. If he has longer hours and I’m at home, I’m going to clean, do the laundry and cook to the extent of the time and energy I have. It’s nice versa if I’m busy and he has more time to spend on chores. We had periods of time when I was making more money, but had fewer working hours, so I’d do more around the house. Right now he makes more, but when I’m busy with my studies, he doesn’t mind doing more around the house as well. It’s not about splitting everything 50/50 or according to our income, but rather about supporting and taking care of each other even if it means doing more here and there.

Friedrich_Friedson · 2024-11-14T15:10:02+00:00

Both household chores and household bills should be split 50/50

DopeAFjknotreally · 2024-11-14T16:17:04+00:00

Perfectly 50/50? Maybe. Maybe not. Hard to divide it perfectly. But both partners should be doing their best to take care of household chores, and while everybody’s arrangement might look different, if one person feels like they’re putting forth far more effort, they’re going to very rightfully feel like they got an unfair deal

ExcelSpreadCheekz · 2024-11-14T14:28:29+00:00

Generally I think housework should just be done by whoever is capable and available to do it at the time it needs to be done. In this case I think the person who works fewer hours should be in charge of more house work

BlueMountainDace · 2024-11-14T15:30:39+00:00

There is no formula other than what works for both partners leaving neither feeling like they are being taken advantage of. Let me give you a few real-life scenarios of how these things net out:

My cousin is a SAHM. Her husband is a partner at a major consulting firm. She does all the housework and childcare. She wants it that way because she enjoys the work and her son has a severe allergy which requires her to be cooking for him every day.
I met my wife prior to medical training. Over the course of the last 10 years, I've been the sole earner and primary earner. Right now, I have 2 W2 jobs. But, I've always done the lion's share of housework and childcare. Why? Because my jobs aren't stressful or draining and I want to clear the deck for her to be able to focus on her studies/training. But, the scenario always felt fair to both of us. In the time she wasn't doing housework, she was getting to hang out with our daughter (when she had limited time) and focus on research/knowledge which is leading to her making $340k next year when she is finally done. Feels like a worthwhile investment of my time to have taken things off of her plate.

There is no universal formula. Just a formula that works for the couple.

harmonica2 · 2024-11-14T16:53:07+00:00

Me and my gf work both full time and split it 50/50.

ultrarunner40 · 2024-11-15T00:50:40+00:00

There is only one answer to this question. Paid work and domestic work are both work that need to be done for the family/partnership. Each family will work somewhat differently depending on each person’s working hours. Both should be working roughly the same amount of hours between paid and domestic work, leaving roughly the same amount of leisure time for both.

Assuming one person should do more chores because the other makes significantly more money (despite working less hours) is a breeding ground for resentment and bitterness. You’re basically saying you’re far more valuable than them and they should be your indentured servant while you live a life of fun and leisure. Just because you make more money. I can assure you a set up like this will eventually end badly. It’s also an extremely arrogant take from the higher earner.

Things will never be completely equal but you have to try to be equitable and respectful to your partner.

Source: Someone happily married for 22 years.

Ok-Area-9739 · 2024-11-14T14:49:59+00:00

I think each individual couple should figure out what works best for them.

Nothing really matters except for figuring out a system that works, all the rest is just a fact of life.

Ok-Dust-4156 · 2024-11-14T17:07:37+00:00

Yes. Basically you should expect both partners to do what they can do.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-11-14T17:35:36+00:00

If you're both working full-time, you should strive to do the chores as equally as possible. If one person is making a lot more they can hire someone to do some of the chores they don't feel like doing (hire someone to do yard work, clean once a week, subscribe for one of those meal kit thingies), otherwise they can do the chores themselves, more money in the joint bank account isn't going to magically clean the toilet. If one person is working part-time or from home, they can do a few more things than the person who is working full-time and commuting every day. The couple should talk about this and figure out what works best for both of them.

Obviously, it's not going to be 50/50 at all times. Sometimes you work overtime, sometimes you're sick, sometimes you're really tired, sometimes there's some accident that prevents you from getting home when you usually do. The other can pick up the slack around the house then, and you'll do so for them when they're sick/tired/working overtime/etc. Housework is dull, nobody likes doing it but it still needs to get done, and if you think offloading it to the other person will be good for your relationship in the long run, you're in for a rude awakening.

Equal_Connect · 2024-11-14T18:09:25+00:00

Me personally, im doing all the housework. I live with peter pans who do fuck all and i would never treat my wife that way.

wtknight · 2024-11-14T18:52:57+00:00

Yeah, of course. No person in a relationship should be asked to make more of a time commitment than the other.

bluestjuice · 2024-11-15T00:27:09+00:00

Split all the work equitably! Then go do fun stuff.

The end.

Embarrassed-Tune9038 · 2024-11-14T16:13:28+00:00

No. It should be divided proportionally to how much each partner causes.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-11-14T14:55:23+00:00

Each person should do exactly the same amount of work and chores they did when single and living alone.

(Men who lived with Mommy before dating should have Mommy come over and do his share while he works if he's incompetent)

fredwester · 2024-11-14T15:54:12+00:00

Ideally, yes.

Realistically - the person who values cleanliness and orderliness the most will find themselves doing more than the other.

They have to either a) suck it up and get on with it, or b) discuss a realignment of expectations and responsibilities.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-11-14T15:15:37+00:00

why is that up to anyone else but that couple

HighestTierMaslow · 2024-11-14T19:17:20+00:00

Yes. If one works part time, they do closer to 75% of the work. Money has no relevance. How hard someone works doesn't equal their pay. It's based on time.

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mashedturnip · 2024-11-14T15:39:26+00:00

It should, but it won’t. Because gender roles, children and entitlement

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2024-11-14T19:47:58+00:00

In general, I'm shocked this is even a question. However, you got to consider that one partner often wants different outcomes which forces an imbalance. For example, my exwife loved very intricate gardening and I preferred a simpler approach with native species. Does that mean I'm obligated to take on or offset half the gardening or is that her hobby?

Youcbah · 2024-11-14T21:02:00+00:00

Bruh I see this discourse so much but housework should not be that bad if both people are constantly cleaning after themselves, the only time house work should be evenly split is if both you guys threw a party or y’all made a meal

CatchPhraze · 2024-11-14T21:39:30+00:00

Neither of us work and we split it 40/60, if/when I go back to work I'll help out but most of it will fall on him

Imperburbable · 2024-11-14T23:05:15+00:00

…of course? What would possibly be the argument for any other division?

Independent-Mail-227 · 2024-11-14T23:21:18+00:00

The one who bring less money work more. It's the only fair deal.

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-11-15T01:34:53+00:00

It should be based on income. Especially if it’s lopsided.

Why? Because in these scenarios you can easily pay to outsource any housework necessary. It’s called unskilled labor for a reason.

Capable_Equipment700 · 2024-11-15T03:22:24+00:00

Yes. If they are both contributing equally to their income level then it should be 50/50.

Most issues come when one person is paying ALL of the bills AND is expected to do house chores on top.

This creates a huge imbalance.

kochIndustriesRussia · 2024-11-15T12:36:38+00:00

Obviously.

flipsidetroll · 2024-11-15T18:57:26+00:00

No. And if that’s how you think you should run an adult relationship, you will fail. Nothing can be split 50/50. People will gravitate towards the chores they like and it generally will even out. And if you are both working full time, and this is honestly an argument for you, then you should be paying someone to clean for you so it’s not an argument. I am a neat-freak and an anti hoarder, so I would be insufferable if I expected my partner to be the same. So, that’s on me to do the things I like for things to be neat, without being some kind of cleaning martyr and acting like I do it all. I don’t really understand how this has become such a hot topic when people would be doing housework if they lived alone so why is it suddenly a problem when they have a partner? I can only see it being a problem if two people are totally opposite in hygiene and housework. And if that’s the case then chances are, housework is not the only thing you would disagree on. But expectations of everything being 50/50 will leave you feeling resentful.

MachineMan718 · 2024-11-15T21:15:01+00:00

The two should talk like adults and divvy up chores based on their own capability, not on the advice of Reddit.

Intelligent-Insight · 2024-11-18T23:32:43+00:00

The only mathematically correct solution is to split it with incomes in mind, i.e. higher income does less house work. Whether it's straight up inversely proportional or not can be discussed.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2024-11-14T15:32:40+00:00

Yeah, in general, all that matters is the hours, not the money per hour. Divide the hours fairly, though that doesn't necessarily mean 50/50 housework. Some exceptions if someone has a super strenuous job maybe. But even then, if one partner is lying around while the other is working, and that happens too often, resentment builds.

alwaysright0 · 2024-11-14T18:40:23+00:00

Money earnt shouldn't really be a factor. Hours worked should.

Fan_Service_3703 · 2024-11-14T14:29:08+00:00

I think it can depend on a variety of factors. Money can be one but it's rarely that simple. Hours worked, nature of work, working conditions, etc can be just as important. If partner A is a doctor or nurse on their feet all day while Partner B sits in an office, then it wouldn't be fair for Partner A to have to spend more time on their feet cooking and cleaning. But then if Partner C works on a construction site, on their feet all day shovelling and heavy lifting in freezing cold or blistering heat, then it's fairly reasonable to expect Partner D to let them have some time to sit down and physically relax.

LoopyPro · 2024-11-14T15:46:10+00:00

Sure, as long as it means that the bills can be split 50/50 as well.

If the person who earns more is expected to pay more bills, it would be nice to return that favor elsewhere to avoid making the other person feel used.

kvakerok_v2 · 2024-11-14T15:47:45+00:00

Should they split 50/50? Yes. Would a western woman be happy with it? No lol.

HighValueWomanBook · 2024-11-14T18:38:09+00:00

Did the woman spend all day working for her male boss? Did she ask her male boss to split her work with her? Or did she happily do all the work she was expected to do for her male boss? If she handled all her responsibilities at work, then do all her responsibilities at the house.

Title	Should housework be split 50/50 if both parters are working full time?
Author	Crafty_Note397
Upvotes	9
Comments	202
Date	November 14, 2024 9:38 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1gr17x3/should_housework_be_split_5050_if_both_parters/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/should-housework-be-split-5050-if-both-parters-are.1535770 https://theredarchive.com/post/1535770

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