simple solution

thisreallyisnotok · 2023-12-12T21:29:25+00:00

You’re literally just scratching the iceberg.

Men have complained about the disappearance of third spaces. The burden of social proof to enter a new social group as an adult is immense.

I was talking to a female friend during the pandemic and I was talking about how I’ll be moving and will have no local friends. She literally told me that when she went to a new city, that she told people she was new and didn’t have friends near by and she said people were happy to socialize and make arrangements with her. I realized then how different a world they live in. When I tell people I have a shitty social life, they tend to become suspicious of me.

his_purple_majesty · 2023-12-12T20:42:26+00:00

just get a hamster, bro

Zabadoodude · 2023-12-12T20:16:13+00:00

Often the same factors that prevent someone from finding a relationship prevent them from making close friends. Poor social skills, lack of social interaction with new people, mental illness, etc.

Also loneliness can mean different things. Some people crave romantic intimacy (not just sex) and feel lonely without it, even if they have friends.

Much_Prune3459 · 2023-12-12T22:10:31+00:00

Because these things plague western societies or their adjacents which places an unhealthy obsession on individualism and self sufficiency, which automatically collapses interpersonal relationships

Close familial ties are much worse for keeping the cogs of the capitalist machine going. The less people who are socially suffering or pressured into striving the less the bottomline and overall prosperity of the society will be.

It's the same thing for women and having children, it's horrible for the bottom line of the society when you can just import in new people who you didn't have to pay maternity to or raise/rear when they were at the most expensive and least productive.

As someone who has been to nearly every region of the world, there is no male loneliness epidemic in Africa, Middle East, South/South East Asia or Latin America.

The men in these countries who complain about women are just misogynistic and would be misogynistic regardless if they had a woman or not.

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2023-12-12T21:05:49+00:00

So your solution to the alleged loneliness epidemic is “stop being lonely”. Genius!

63daddy · 2023-12-12T22:08:53+00:00

I think the huge flaw in that popular article was assuming any unmarried man must be lonely.

I’ve never been married and I’m not at all lonely. I have good friends and a sexually fulfilling relationship right now. I know men trapped in bad marriages that are far lonelier than me because their bad marriage means they are unhappy sexually and less able to make male friends.

I don’t think that many men are complaining they are lonely and that marrying down is the answer. I think it’s mostly agenda driven articles claiming that. (Though there are definitely some lonely, desperate men out there).

Society is hypergamous, marriage is biased. I acknowledge this but I don’t use it as an excuse. Rather I’ve decided how I will react to it. I don’t blame women, I enjoy dating women when it happens and enjoy my independence when it doesn’t. I spend time with male and female friends, I stay single and enjoy the freedom my independence affords. Life is pretty damn good as a result.

SecondEldenLord · 2023-12-13T11:00:03+00:00

I swear, it's always the people who were never single for long periods of time in adulthood that say this. Life happens. You get older, you focus on family, career,etc and friendships break and grow apart because of these life events. That is why you need a life partner. A sibling or relative is a family member you were born in, a life partner is a family member you chose which could mean you have more in common and have good chemistry. And with friends you see them once every few weeks, with life partner ypu see them everyday and at least you got some support right then and there when you need it. If you get back from work tired and exhausted and overall had a bad day, who are you going to? You really thinknyour friend will care in that very moment? He won't, he got shit on his own, but with life partner is different. Her problems are your problems and your problems are her problems. You are a team and you go through shit together. No matter how strong a friendship is, building a family comes first, and that will always come as a priority from all your friends.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-12-12T20:21:23+00:00

The unpleasant thing most people won’t say is that a lot of the struggling dudes that complain so loudly are also the kind of people that probably aren’t fun to hang around anyways.

Are we really surprised the guys with bad relationships with family and zero friends are also struggling to get dates?

obviousredflag · 2023-12-12T20:08:39+00:00

Because lonely men mostly also don't have social contacts. If men don't want to be your friends, women don't want to be your partner.

AlmostKindaGreat · 2023-12-12T21:47:14+00:00

It's a simple solution for part of the problem, but not for the whole problem.

I suspect that isolation in general is at least part of the despair that many men feel. Friends and/or closer bonds with family can definitely help this.

But humans crave acceptance for their whole selves, not just the emotional parts that friends can accept. We also want someone who will accept us physically and sexually. Friends alone cannot satisfy this. There is this suggestion on here a lot that just getting more friends will fix all men's problems. It's at best misguided.

That said, getting more friends and being more social can be a step toward finding someone who will accept a man sexually.

PMmeareasontolive · 2023-12-12T22:33:52+00:00

A lot depends on circumstance. I've moved around a lot, and it gets harder to make new friends each time. when I visit home, I still have a bunch of friends that I hang out with. When you are younger and on your own and party more it's a bit easier. It's not as easy to make friends when you're an adult. I've done a bunch of meet up type of things and they are ok but I have yet to feel a strong connection to anyone at those. Adults aren't very good at hanging out casually.

illusoryfindings · 2023-12-12T21:59:17+00:00

You're absolutely right. But here's the thing, many of these men complaining about their loneliness aren't actually interested in solving it, especially online.

I was feeling lonely a few months ago, because I wasn't being social and actively ignoring people around me. I went into the /r/lonely subreddit for some company.

I found hundreds of posts full of dudes despairing at how lonely they are, and lamenting at how they have no one to talk to. But every single post that was titled something like "I(19F) feel so alone and no one will ever love me ):" would get a ton of engagement.

So here there was a subreddit with mostly dudes complaining about loneliness, yet the only posts that got any interaction were the ones that looked like they were posted by women.

This made me reflect on my own loneliness, and I realized it was entirely my own fault.

I had plenty of opportunities all around me to be social, and even more opportunities to initiate and create social events. Yet, I was not taking them, and complaining about feeling lonely, simply because some pussy wasn't falling into my lap when I wanted it to.

After that, I started reaching out to friends and family, and approaching women, and I didn't feel so lonely anymore.

Every time you see a dude complaining about feeling lonely online, it's most likely some insular dude who's not even willing to entertain a conversation unless it's with a girl. In which case, he kind of deserves that loneliness, no?

KayRay1994 · 2023-12-12T21:30:15+00:00

I’m of two minds here, lots of men do put too much emphasis on romantic relationships and women as THE cure to loneliness, but also while family, friends, a fulfilling social life and pets can make you less lonely, it won’t solve the whole issue.

All that being said, even though you’ll still be romantically lonely, friends, family, a community and pets do help a lot and should be given a focus first if you’re entirely lonely. The idea is to be satisfied enough with yourself to where a romantic relationship will turn your life from good to great, not from shitty to good.

And to be fair, there are tons of point to struggle here - ie. “just make friends”, “just hang out with family” or “just have pets” are still dependent on external factors - for example, constant work, fatigue and anxiety would make making friends difficult, living in a single room in a house, roommates, or family could make pets a non option and one could have a bad relationship with their family. All that being said, if you have no time to make friends especially, then you don’t have time for romantic relationships.

So really, at least have friends and a sense of community first before pursuing romance - be content enough with your life to say “yeah, i’m happy with myself” before looking into romance, cause if you’re miserable before a romantic relationship odds are you’ll be miserable when the honeymoon period ends and once the relationship ends you’ll continue to be miserable.

meisterkraus · 2023-12-12T20:41:53+00:00

The solution to an individual's loneliness is dependent on why they are lonely. A romantic relationship is different from the ones you put forth as solutions. My loneliness is around the thought that I will never experience the unique parts of a romantic relationship, that I will die alone. The solution to that is a romantic relationship. If you are lonely because you live alone and never talk to anyone, then making friends would be the solution. These solutions are simple but can be hard to achieve as you have to overcome whatever is holding you back. In my experience when you do the work more things become apparent that are in fact holding you back.

CalmNeedleworker3100 · 2023-12-13T00:00:03+00:00

Quit blaming men's lack of effort for being lonely. You're not the first person to make a post like this. Society is to blame for male loneliness, just because women aren't as lonely doesn't mean it's men's fault for being lonely. Men and women are different.

LogicalLetterhead272 · 2023-12-13T21:32:43+00:00

There's a specific kind of loneliness you get from not having a romantic partner when you desperately want one.

I have a pretty good relationship with my family and even my extended family. I play online games with my friends almost daily and physically hang out with friends nearly every weekend.

But I still long for a romantic relationship, I hate sleeping by myself every night and not having a GF to say good morning to, and I get jealous every time I see a couple holding hands I'm public. No matter how much I hang out with friends and family, the want for a GF is still there.

The reverse is likely true, you could have a fantastic relationship with your spouse but still feel lonely from not having close relationships with your family and friends.

They're separate things that seem similar on the surface. They're both essential nutrients.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-12-12T23:28:08+00:00

It's possible men and women work differently, and the solution can't be for men to just take from the female playbook.

Just how its clear that proper socialization is far more important for boys growing up than for girls, men may simply not fair as well in an atomized world increasingly devoid of more formal social institutions.

For example, it isn't that sleeping with a woman suddenly cures all men's emotional and friendship needs. Or even that he expects her to provide all of them as an emotional emergency nurse. Rather, it could be that the structures of relationships then leading to family etc. created an environment that was more conducive to men finding what they needed.

raldabos · 2023-12-12T20:46:09+00:00

Men loneliness epidemic are about men's mental health.

Modern men also aren't taught self-love and self-steem as much as modern women.

AceOfSpadesGymBro3 · 2023-12-12T22:15:45+00:00

Most men mistake horniness for loneliness.

The issue with feeling lonely is that you end up making bad choices and sabotaging your own efforts to socialize with others. People become so needy and demanding to have others meet their needs, that they also become insufferable, bitter, often anti-social, etc., which does nothing to encourage others to get to know them. They are also very me me me me me me focused. It's all about what others can do for them to alleviate their loneliness. But they probably couldn't name two things about another person that they took interest in.

Believe it or not, the solution to loneliness is to stop fearing it and learn to enjoy life inspite of being yourself. Once you see that life can be enjoyable like this, once you start treating yourself well, you will attract other people to you. People want to be around others that make them feel good, not around others who are downers, negative and needy.

wtknight · 2023-12-13T01:23:13+00:00

When a man is horny and knows other men are out having sex with women and he is not and he's home instead just masturbating to porn, then it's kind of depressing or upsetting to these men.

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Mitago1 · 2023-12-13T05:53:31+00:00

When there is actual talk about male loneliness epidemic it usually includes lack of friendships, family relationships etc. and that's a subject i doubt people really care to talk about on here. You probably won't find a post on this sub about those specific topics since on this sub people primarily talk about gender relations between men and women.

Btw i don't think people can spawn a sibling out of nowhere, at least i haven't bought that dlc yet.

Title	simple solution
Author	GeneralFig6053
Upvotes	17
Comments	202
Date	December 12, 2023 7:58 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18gutvx/simple_solution/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/simple-solution.1240600 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240600

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