What do you think about the increasing stigma over SMALL age gaps? How is it going to affect the dating market for young people?

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-05-10T13:38:51+00:00

Stop getting your morality assessed by TikTok.

If you’re dating someone younger because they’re impressionable, won’t know when you’re treating them poorly, or cuz you think it gives you the upper hand, it doesn’t matter how much younger they are- you’re being gross.

If you’re dating someone younger cuz you met them and you like them, have a great time!

Marty-the-monkey · 2023-05-10T08:03:56+00:00

I think the closer one of the partners is to the legal age at the inception of the relationship is the determining factor to how (in)appropriate people find it.

7 year different isn't much in itself, but when one of them only just turned 18, it starts to look a bit more iffy.

Only making a postulate based on absolutely nothing: I think people get a bit more disagreeable when one is below 20 and the other is mid to late 20.

Again, just speculating; it's kind of how we are tricked to thinking 19.99 is way cheaper than 20.00, because we see the first number and associate it with something other, despite the actual difference being minute.

JSears90210 · 2023-05-10T13:51:19+00:00

40 and 20 for a LTR is weird. 35 and 20 is weird. 30 and 20 is weird. But none of the age gaps you mentioned feels off on their face.

23 and 19 is for the most part two college undergrads (or mone recently graduated person from college getting together.) But it really depends on the two people.

Among sane people I don't think this has any staying power.

Most sane people don't even care about Chris Evans dating Alba Baptista. Or Nick Viall dating his GF. They get it why both adult parties are interested in the relationship. It is just the small % of crazies who want to police/control other people in society.

KikiYuyu · 2023-05-10T09:45:30+00:00

Since certain social issues have become more talked about, there've been people who take it to extremes.

Large age gaps have an uncomfortable power dynamic, but an extreme person will treat almost any difference like it's a huge problem. It's the same kind of thing where people think manspreading is a serious social issue.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2023-05-10T16:58:47+00:00

I think the creepiness of extreme red pillers pushing for 45 year olds chasing <25 year olds and the way they talk about women aging has given another dimension and materialism to the idea of age gap relationships that has led women to unpack the ethics of the notion of it all together.

30 years ago, say, age gaps were subtly encouraged because it was seen as older men being more mature and respectful to women but with the current data being pro-same age group for longevity and many misogynists obsessing over younger, so-called "trainable" women, it has led a generation of women to completely rethink the motives of any age gap dynamic exceeding a few years, particular if the woman is in that fetishized/targeted demographic.

AngeCruelle · 2023-05-10T16:10:31+00:00

I think it's a product of the extended adolescence/"25 is the new 18" phenomenon.

When I was a senior in undergrad the freshmen seemed like babies. Now that I'm a grad student basically all of the undergrads except maybe seniors seem like babies. It's normal to refer to them as kids in casual conversation, because that is exactly what the majority of them act like.

I think social media, technology, and rapid shifts in pop culture contribute to it as well. When I was in high school Instagram, Snapchat, Vine were the shiny new dominant social media platforms. Now Vine is defunct, Instagram and Snapchat are still around but both have changed dramatically, and TikTok is the shiny new one. Someone just a couple years younger than me can have dramatically different experiences in terms of the tech/social media/pop culture landscape that shaped their childhood and adolescence.

How it affects dating? As with the other adulthood milestones I think we'll continue to see delays. People having their first relationship, sexual experiences later. I see no issue with that.

Creation_Soul · 2023-05-10T09:12:16+00:00

i think it's the fact that the younger you are, the more you change in a relatively short amount of time.

People change a lot between 14-18, they change a little less (but still a lot) between 19-23, but less so between 25-29.

I don't know about you, but for me, this (slowing down) rhythm of change applied pretty well

Notanothrshitthrow · 2023-05-10T08:44:08+00:00

Don't confuse online rage circles for actual real life is always my go to.

These are young, clout hungry people who want to be in on the latest hot take, it's just flashes in a pan.

thinkinon · 2023-05-10T17:06:53+00:00

Sorry in advance for the long-winded post: I think it just depends on where you're at in life, which will vary from person to person. We all move through life at different paces. A 3 year age gap could be a huge deciding factor, more so than a 10 year depending on where each person is in life. For example, I'm a 23F dating a 32M. I have lived idenpendtly since I was 17, always had a consistent income, and I'm overall self-sufficient. I have a child, and so does he, we work in the same field and are very compatible: similar work ethic, morals, family roles,sense of humor, love, languages, religious ideology etc.

All of this to say, if I was still in college, living as a college student or with my parents, partying every night and living as a typical early 20s woman, it would be a red flag for a 32 year old man with children of his own, a stable career, and roots planted to want to date me. And frankly a lot of people carry on that "young adult" lifestyle way past its expiration date. You could date somebody who is 40 who still operates like an 18-23 year old would. I don't think age should deter you from being in a relationship UNLESS you are disadvantaged because of the age gap and the power dynamic is way off.

I find that relationships with an age gap of 5 or more years (with the male being older) tend to have more emphasis on traditional gender roles, so young women who like a more traditional dynamic might not feel that the power dynamic is unfair, where as non traditional women might not appreciate how the relationship is guided by somebody with more life experience than themselves. Just my two cents. At the end of the day, whether it is 2 years or 20 years, as long as it's 2 consenting adults coming together to form a HEALTHY relationship, who cares?

januaryphilosopher · 2023-05-10T09:19:44+00:00

I think a lot of older people forget what it's like to be this kind of age. You change and grow a lot in this time, so a smaller amount of years can make a bigger difference. The difference between 21 and 18 is the difference between someone who may have graduated university and someone who's still in school. Someone who's 28 has a lot of their life together compared to someone who's only 22, and seems old to someone that age. Young people have preferred to date very close to their age for a long time, this is nothing new so nothing is really changing so much as light being shed (especially as, for those who do try it, it usually ends in tears).

Over_North8884 · 2023-05-10T10:43:11+00:00

It doesn't change anything. They're an extremist bunch of crazies who think they should regulate relations between CONSENTING ADULTS just like racists say they should regulate racial mixing and religious nut jobs think they should regulate women's bodies. Pay them no mind. Instead, grab the popcorn and watch the control freaks melt down over matters they can do zilch about.

CapsuleCorpLogo · 2023-05-10T07:57:02+00:00

I’m 23 and I’d date a 19 year old. I never see dudes complaining about this it’s mainly bitter women who I feel like are jealous.

TheRedPillRipper · 2023-05-10T09:48:36+00:00

especially if you’re under 25

The key is maturity. For the majority, maturity differs. You can be 17, and be raking in 6 figures. Most blow it, but some put it away, and invest. Get a head start. Others don’t even shower. Those are extreme examples, but they illustrate the point. After 18 the number, isn’t as influential, as the maturity factor.

Godspeed and good luck!

Zestyclose_Truth9999 · 2023-05-10T10:03:04+00:00

What do you think about the increasing stigma over SMALL age gaps?

Stigmatising something that's normal is utterly bizarre.

Most people I know have an age gap of a few years and are at a somewhat similar level of maturity, so I fail to see what's "wrong" about it.

If anything over 2 years is considered inappropriate, I wonder how this would affect the dating market among young people?

It wouldn't.

This might be a bitter pill for some to swallow, but most of us are attracted to people around our own age — give or take a few years. It's the 20+ year age gaps that are the strange ones.

2023-05-10T10:23:07+00:00

I'm talking about a trend I'm seeing on TikTok and Twitter

There's two degrees to this trend.

For 18-21, as a 30 year old man, I find it weird due to the sheer developmental nature of that age, if nothing else. The question to me is "why?". Why would you want to date somebody going through that life stage? It's very transient etc. But, even then, I think the nature of the arguments are among the most forced I've seen online.

Why?

Well ask yourself this: the armed forces the world over go into high schools promising 18 year olds a life of adventure and opportunity. Have you ever seen these social media types voice their concern about that power imbalance, or that maturity gap?

I haven't. So, to be facetious, 18-21 year olds are old enough to lose their legs to IEDs, but not - apparently - to date whomever they want.

Second degree - and this is the big one:

When this absurdity passes from university graduate age (21-23) into the mid 20s and beyond - I have literally seen this pearl clutching for 30 somethings. It's usually presented as talk of "life experience", and "what do they have to talk about?", as if we're discussing children.

A huge degree of our culture - literacy, art, music - is produced, in large part, by people in their 20s. At that stage, whilst we can obviously still see interests change etc, it's asinine to pretend we're not talking about fully formed adults.

And this runs into responsibilities. At 27, I had friends who were working on major deals for financial institutions, working as barristers on major cases, working on high priority tasks for the civil service during the pandemic (for which they've now been awarded an MBE). Army officers who who were in charge of training the next generation of army officers. A lad who was the managing director of the British branch of a modest sized multinational company, managing people twice his age, two guys who were 3 years into running a successful start-up etc. Heck, I know a kid who was informing select-committees at 22.

My theory - and I don't want to be rude here - is that it's (at least in part) an extension of FOMO. A by-product of the nature of these online spaces: people are spending an inordinate amount of their lives on them, and - to some degree - are using it as a way to protect themselves from the reality that their day is now, not in 10 years from now.

wtknight · 2023-05-10T12:30:24+00:00

People should just ignore the stigma and try to date the adults whom they want to date.

KayRay1994 · 2023-05-10T14:23:18+00:00

these comments about small age gaps are off the rails entirely - small gaps are totally acceptable and should remain that way, especially cause both partners would more or less be in similar stages of life with close-ish levels of maturity - speaking for myself, the cut off is +/- 5 years, im 28.

Even amongst big age gaps, they become more and more acceptable as the younger partner is more of an established adult - ex. 28 and 40 is far more acceptable than 18 and 30, or 35 and 55 is okay while 20 and 40 isn’t, that kind of thing.

SillyMushroomTip · 2023-05-10T23:50:53+00:00

Because Women have been on this kick of shaming men for wanting to date young women.

When a Man dates someone younger its: OMG its because your low key being predatory and basically a pedo

When a Woman dates a younger Man its: You go girl!

Last-Post2085 · 2023-05-10T10:22:27+00:00

I'm fairly certain women who criticise age gaps are usually just older and jealous. It's a form of guilty bullying because they are jealous you chose a woman younger than them. So they try to guilt trip you.

OMG you're such a pedo dating a girl 10 years younger than you!!

Yes, there are dynamics involved with age gaps but if both parties consent (lots of women like older men) then there is no issue. I'd personally wouldn't date anyone below the age of 25 but I would have sex with an 18 year old and I'm 31.

The reason you are seeing more women talking about age gap is because a 30 year old man might not want a 30 year old woman. He might want a 22 year old and the 30 year old woman is mad jealous, so they guilt trip you.

I also find it hilarious how women attack other women like that. They basically take away the rights and the humanity of the younger person. Saying how they "can't consent or understand power dynamics" when they're literal adults. It's kinda not cool to tell a 22 year old she can't make her own decisions or infantilising them. That would make me mad if someone did that to me, as it's extremely patronising.

Another funny thing is how a 22 year old can join the army, buy a gun, drive a car, smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol, do legal porn, yet they can't date a 35 year old cause he's taking advantage of them? Lmao give me a break dude. Your guilt tripping doesn't work on me.

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-05-10T07:57:52+00:00

A lot of the people who feel the biggest type of way about smaller age gaps (5 years or less) that young are usually people in that age group honestly because being 24 feels extremely far away to a 19 year old. I'm sure some moms may also feel the same way but tbh most people 24+ don't care or think 19 is "too young for me, but do you". Personally I only care if one person is still in high school and dating early 20s.

Invictus1215 · 2023-05-10T12:40:49+00:00

I think much of the fuss over small age gaps like this are an over correction to the very real thing of older men dating far younger women. It doesn't surprise me that tiktok and twitter are on this super hard as both platforms (especially tiktok) are filled with young people trying to play god. I would say that this is terminally online but I've even seen people in real life reflect this stuff and I'm also curious as to how this effects young people dating.

Safinated · 2023-05-10T14:30:38+00:00

I think it is one of many brainless trends on tiktok that will have no effect

keenenandraz · 2023-05-10T16:10:31+00:00

People are just looking for excuses to get triggered nowadays. This country agreed to 18+ being a legal adult, so we should just leave it at that and let adults choose who they want to date. Nobody really has a say in this outside of the 2 people who chose to start a relationship. This debate is never ending because we all have subjective opinions on what is a mature age or an acceptable age gap. There's never going to be a 100% consensus on this and the goalpost keeps shifting as you just pointed out.

AidsVictim · 2023-05-10T17:39:25+00:00

The trend is that women are increasingly neurotic and looking for an identity as a victim. They have a Victorian esque mindset about social regulation for certain things (and conversely a highly libertarian one about others) such as relatively small age gaps. When they say an older guy hitting on them is traumatic they genuinely mean it, any kind of social interaction outside the expected spikes neurosis in modern young people.

Eastern-Action1384 · 2023-05-10T22:42:28+00:00

It doesn't concern us/men. Technically there is a partner for everyone. But what we are seeing is females fighting for the minority of men.

Sabrepill · 2023-05-11T01:16:31+00:00

Imagine a funny scenario:

Youre a 40 year old man with the looks and body of a Greek god (like 40 year old Brad Pitt in Troy) because you’ve lived a healthy life and took care of yourself. You’ve built a business and are a millionaire.

And a bunch of angry feminists and beta males demand that you are only allowed to date women your own age.

So you give it a shot, but the women your age have flat pancake butts with cellulite, protruding lower abdominal areas, double chins, or so much plastic surgery that they look like clowns instead of real people. They also have tons of relationship baggage and perhaps children from other men. And most cannot give you a family of your own.

You soon realize that as a fit, attractive man in middle age: the pool of attractive women is near zero. These women had it all early in life and spent it drinking alcohol, partying, and rotating chads. Now they want to settle and pretend to be good wives. No thanks

Then you start to look at young women under 35 who take care of themselves. Yes even 18-25 because nature made women this age physically sexually attractive adults for a reason. They look fresh and fertile. They have big round butts, toned legs. They put effort into their health and appearance. They have not yet wasted away their best years to drinking, partying, gluttony, sloth, and sharing chads.

If youre “capable” of getting hot young women as an older man, you’d be a complete fool not to. A literal cuck that caves to social pressure and shaming. Most older men can’t pull young women because most older men are gross. The situation already takes care of itself automatically.

But high value older men CAN pull hot young women whether it be with money, charm, or looks and that’s what really pisses off and triggers the feminists and beta males and sends them into a virtue signaling rage followed by a retreat into their safe spaces

NotARussianBot1984 · 2023-05-10T10:31:47+00:00

I don't really care much. I'll probably be sugar dating college girls till I die. Let everyone else be mad.

So what if they are?

ashpr0ulx · 2023-05-10T08:21:48+00:00

the stigma over these small age gaps are weird to me, and not realistic of what i see young people doing in their real life. i only see the criticism in niche places on the internet like this.

Doesthisevenmatter7 · 2023-05-10T08:40:59+00:00

Pretty sure only bitter women online who complain about this. Probably just mad that guys their age don’t want them. Ik a lot of guys that date with similar age gaps to your post no one has ever cared irl. Ik some women say it’s like grooming or targeting or pedo shit if she’s close to 18, but they’re weird adults are adults they can make their own choices.

Nucyon · 2023-05-10T08:57:30+00:00

My take is that it's more about life stages than numerical age, or that it should be. An 18 year old that is still in highschool, lives with their parents, has no income etc. is not like an 18 year old who's already in the work force or at college.

A 24 year old with his own car and plce and income has a very similiar power dynamic, like a 34 year old. The actual age in numbers isn't that important.

Because what we're worried about here is dependence. That a young girl will stay with a man who treats her badly because that's the only way for her to be mobile, housed, or have any spending money.

Which just isn't as much of a risk if she has her own job, flat and car. Or student loan money or whatever.

And it is about girls, the only time anyone ever brings up a boy - woman relationship is to defend girl-man relationships, nobody is ever concerned about the boy.

forking_guy · 2023-05-10T09:59:02+00:00

It depends on the exact situation, but in the cases you described, it's mostly due to women dealing with jealousy and insecurities. I don't think it's really going to change much of anything.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-05-10T11:01:01+00:00

It might be seen as inappropriate for a 23 year old to date a 19 year old if the 19 year old is still in high school but even then this type of criticism of a much smaller age gap is pretty rare.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-05-10T13:07:34+00:00

Stop getting your morality assessed by TikTok.

If you’re dating someone younger because they’re impressionable, won’t know when you’re treating them poorly, or cuz you think it gives you the upper hand, it doesn’t matter how much younger they are- you’re being gross.

If you’re dating someone younger cuz you met them and you like them, have a great time!

MiasmicSector · 2023-05-10T15:54:26+00:00

The problem is people thinking they are the arbiters of what is right and wrong or appropriate or not.

It's like the peasants in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, digging through the mud bitching about politics while King Arthur and the tards galavanting around.

Case and point : people make fun of Leo DiCaprio all the time but no one is calling out Jason Statham. Have you seen his gf? Hot as fuck 20 something year old model. Unbelievably beautiful and attractive.

It's only bitter assholes who think they have the authority to make rules for others that try to. People out there living their best lives don't give a fuck. Of course bitter people are going to make up every reason to try to shoot them down "he's taking advantage!!??? He should be dating a 45 year old boss bitch who tells him constantly how useless he is?!!!"

Male shaming all the way down.

Men like hot young women. Some men take advantage of that, the majority don't unless you think the majority are abusive. If you do, no one should listen to you anyway.

Distinct-Yogurt9276 · 2023-05-10T17:45:39+00:00

I've read comments from 20 year old's saying dating an 18 year old is gross. It just seems like virtue signaling

MistyMaisel · 2023-05-10T17:52:22+00:00

Not, those gaps have always been stigmatized to pretty much the same degree. The reasoning is really simple"

23 (graduated college has a adult job) and 19 (May still be in high school, likely hasn't started college, probably no adult job)

21 (capable of drinking, close to finishing college) and 18 (may still be in high school, likely hasn't started college, likely no adult job, cannot drink)

24 (Had an adult job for awhile college is a fading memory) and 20 (in college, no adult job, cannot drink)

28 (proper ass adult) and 22 (just maybe finishing college, not even close to a proper adult)

These ages while having fewer years difference are at massively different life stages. Does this mean they cannot or shouldn't date? Not necessarily, but it does mean a protective stigma can be very helpful so that there is more adult over-sight to ensure safety for the younger member and accountability for the older member.

And this has never destroyed dating in the past. The couples capable of facing this stigma will and do last (I know a few) and the ones not capable of facing it will largely not consider it or will break up under it. If you cannot handle people asking some questions about your relationship, you probably aren't ready to have one. Because valid questions will happen in an age gap relationship of different life stages.

tricep_bro · 2023-05-14T13:24:41+00:00

As usual, do not care about the opinions of nutcases.

Anyone who thinks that way has low iq and should be treated as such.

Ignore them and keep doing it.

ResurrectedDrama · 2023-05-10T12:55:53+00:00

This "stigma" comes from the same groups of resentful old women.

Ironically, her family, most of her friends, etc. usually don't have any issues with this.

Dahmerino · 2023-05-10T08:58:37+00:00

the same women who shame men for age gaps, are the first who date much younger men, so don't bother about their opinion

Affinity4186 · 2023-05-10T16:54:01+00:00

Women are just trying to use shame to sway the opinions of men they find attractive. Kind of like fat acceptance.

Relative_Bee8356 · 2023-05-10T18:07:41+00:00

The stigma over small age gaps is overblown -- a few nutters making Tiktoks that get widely mocked is not a significant trend.

If anything they're making it easier for young men to find same-aged partners and harder for old guys to pursue young women -- neither of which are bad things -- but again, I don't think this trend is significant enough to have much effect at all.

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LoopyPro · 2023-05-10T10:56:08+00:00

What happened to "divide by 2 and add 7"?

obviousredflag · 2023-05-10T12:57:40+00:00

Who considers this inappropriate and why do you care about their values?

Haven't you heard about the best way to make it on social media: get people to engage with your content, even if that means stating things you don't believe or know to be untrue? Guess what gets more comments and views? Stating something people agree to regarding age gaps or something that makes people want to disagree and justify their relationships and romantic interests?

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2023-05-10T13:07:33+00:00

I think it's time to stop listening to Twitter and tiktok.

raldabos · 2023-05-10T17:46:03+00:00

The average age gap in the US is 2 years. I can only say, men dating women with age gaps are a minority, this is just another case of women being outraged and generalizing a small subset of men's behavior and thinking the average dude is acting the same way the most succesful and powerful men do.

AreOut · 2023-05-10T18:07:44+00:00

40 and 30 is smaller difference than 23 and 19, way smaller I'd say

harmonica2 · 2023-05-10T22:38:47+00:00

Well as far as people being afraid to even date three years apart, like some young people, are, can a lot of people really afford to be so picky?

There are so many men on here talking about how dating is so hard, yet a lot of young men seem afraid to even date if there is a 3 year gap? If dating is so hard, can young men afford to be so picky, since options are less?

Sabrepill · 2023-05-11T00:30:21+00:00

Why would you care what a bunch of idiots think about you? If you care what others think about you, then the problem is you. I’d date women as young as 18-25 and older even if I was over 50

Decent_Plastic_ · 2023-05-11T15:36:05+00:00

Past a 9 year age gap relationship haven’t the divorce chances been shown to increase?

If men are fine losing all their wealth or property or whatever reason the 10+ years younger women is with them that’s a decision they have to make.

Title	What do you think about the increasing stigma over SMALL age gaps? How is it going to affect the dating market for young people?
Author	Novel-Tip-7570
Upvotes	21
Comments	264
Date	May 10, 2023 7:54 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/13djt01/what_do_you_think_about_the_increasing_stigma/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-do-you-think-about-the-increasing-stigma-over.1218865 https://theredarchive.com/post/1218865

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