Why be a single mom?

Lysa_Bell · 2026-01-15T23:27:14+00:00

Are you talking about actually women that weren't in a relationship with the father of the child before they became parents? Or are you talking about a couple having a child and the relationship breaking down during the first couple of years of that child's life?

Do we have any stats of how many women actually become single mothers outside a LTR by choice?

justdontsashay · 2026-01-15T23:57:52+00:00

I’m a single mom…I wasn’t single when I became a mom lol

We’re not all broke, by the way, you need to talk to actual women sometimes and not just assume everything you hear in the manosphere is true. My kids are doing just fine.

Happy_Huckleberry246 · 2026-01-15T23:18:36+00:00

So if the father dies then the woman is supposed to do what? Give her children up for adoption to a two parent home?

What about a wealthy, ivy league educated executive woman who conceives via sperm donor and has a big support network? Do you really believe that child will have an “abysmal outcome?”

I also believe that women need to ruthlessly vet the guys they date so they don’t have children with useless men.

No_Teacher_3313 · 2026-01-15T23:06:22+00:00

Single parenting is hard. Parenting is generally hard. I’m raising my kids alone after their father had a mental breakdown, and have to say that it’s fine. I’m not broke, I have a very good career. And it’s easier to get things done than when their dad was in the picture. I’m just responsible for myself and them. Life is way more peaceful.

I wouldn’t have chosen for him to be so absent, but I definitely would choose having the kids.

I’m good with dating and intend to never marry again. This is my kids’ house and I’m not ever willing to merge finances and consolidate households ever again.

When they’re older I’ll travel and do more things for myself. Right now they’re my overweening focus.

TSquaredRecovers · 2026-01-15T23:09:20+00:00

I am a single mother because my husband had an affair and left me for the woman after I got sick with a chronic health condition. So I didn’t “choose” to become a single mom. He left after 18 years together, and I had no inclination that he would ever do such a thing.

Edit: I just wanted to add that my ex and I share 50/50 custody of our son. So it’s not like my son is without his dad.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2026-01-15T23:21:59+00:00

First, most single moms didn’t plan to parent alone. People become single parents through divorce, abuse, death, addiction, infidelity, or partners changing after the child is born. You can’t judge a decision made with today’s information using tomorrow’s outcomes.

Second, the research people quote about “bad outcomes” usually shows correlation, not cause. The real drivers are poverty, stress, and lack of support, not simply having one parent. Studies consistently find that children do better in stable, low-conflict homes, even if that home has one parent, than in two-parent homes with high conflict.

Third, the “she chose wrong” idea ignores reality. Many partners are reliable for years before they aren’t. Hindsight isn’t foresight.

Fourth, abortion being legal doesn’t make it a moral obligation, a simple choice, or even accessible for everyone.

Single motherhood isn’t an achievement or a fantasy. It’s usually a response to changed circumstances. The mistake is pretending life is predictable enough to blame people for outcomes they couldn’t control.

that_gworl · 2026-01-15T23:03:00+00:00

I’m sorry. Do you think most women are choosing to be single mothers?

fakingandnotmakingit · 2026-01-16T00:54:11+00:00

Most single parents I knew had children within a long term relationship.

Then the relationship broke down. Not every father wants 50/50 custody. So instead the women become single mothers while the father pays child support.

It's not like they chose to be a single mother.

Routine-Present-3676 · 2026-01-15T23:11:18+00:00

This isn't a question you actually want an answer to bffr. You just wanted a platform to be a shitbag about single moms.

If you want to know the answers to those questions, ask an actual single mom and lose the fucking judgement when you do it. I'm willing to bet that you're in NO position to be judging others.

cb8585b · 2026-01-15T23:04:55+00:00

You’re right, we need to open mega-orphanages and require the abandonment of children in the event of separation, divorce and death.

How dare those women raise their children.

ivegotcharisma · 2026-01-15T23:06:24+00:00

My life has improved exponentially after becoming a single mom, and my child doesn’t have to grow up having a distorted image of what love and marriage looks like.

KayRay1994 · 2026-01-15T23:30:14+00:00

I mean, most women who are single moms don’t make the advice concrete happy stable choice to be a single mom. It often times isn’t a choice and when it is a choice, it is to stave off a father who would be worse (this is, of course, assuming it isn’t a co-parenting divorce type scenario). Also, most single parenting scenarios happen because the relationship ended either too close to birth or when the baby is already alive.

Also… raising a child alone is tough, in particular in an economy that values flexibility and where living standards aren’t exactly easy to come by. What good does alienating and shaming single moms do? For one thing they already have the kid, and also - this does nothing to structurally solve the issues these children go to. Frankly most single mom shaming comes from what feels like moral grandstanding and a need to one up these women

jorts-enthusiast · 2026-01-15T23:20:42+00:00

Sorry, are you actually under the impression that being a single mom is something that most single moms are choosing voluntarily?

mashedturnip · 2026-01-15T23:00:25+00:00

Because it’s better than modeling a shitty relationship

Altruistic_Look_7868 · 2026-01-15T23:32:57+00:00

Why not ask the men who put them in that position?

Raising a child even with 2 parents is difficult enough, there's usually a pretty good reason why a woman will choose raising a child on her own than staying in that relationship.

No, I'm not a single mum. It's really just common sense.

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Sonia314 · 2026-01-16T01:40:44+00:00

I generally agree with this, but now I'm in a community where single motherhood and fatherhood are fine because everyone is software engineer level wealthy. They can pay for live in nannies, and have enough savings to take many years off work. They can also generally work from home. There are also so few children in the community that they get a lot of free babysitting from people who want a bit of kids in their life or are trying to figure out if they want to have kids. These kids are well set up. Sometimes people will look at these kinds of single parents and think the kids are going through similar things to the children of more typical single parents, and that's not the case. Single parenthood in my community is unusually common because we focus on our careers at the expense of dating. For example, myself and many of my friends are not dating at all right now to focus on our careers, there are high rates of autism, and it's normal to end a relationship when you get a job that requires you to move.

ChewedMyWayOutOfThat · 2026-01-16T04:32:14+00:00

The reason why there are so many single mothers is because men are irresponsible and shiftless. If men were responsible, we would see an equal number of single parent families headed by men and women, but we don't.

There are 7.3 million single mothers in the US, compared to 1.9 million single fathers. Women outnumber men 5 to 1 in custodial arrangements.

Men seem to think that a relationship breakdown is an excuse to abdicate their parental responsibilities. Until men improve their numbers, men cannot claim to be full and present parents.

Men's lack of participation in childcare is reflected in their patriarchal entitlement, which classifies childcare as women's work. So men shirk their parental duties and are free from criticism of their reluctance to parent and lack of support but the patriarchy ensures that the man still benefits, as the child carries the father's last name. The patriarchy seems to enable deadbeat fathers.

men who were clearly never going to be stable or reliable fathers.

But shouldn't it be the responsibility of the reluctant parent to prevent pregnancy? A woman who is a reluctant parent can have as much unprotected sex with men and never impregnate a man. If she does get pregnant, she is taken out of commission for the next 9 months. But a man who is a reluctant parent who has unprotected sex with women will eventually impregnate a woman. He can also impregnate many women at the same time.

If the goal is to reduce the sheer number of single parent families, wouldn't it be more effective to approach this by turning off the tap at the source, as opposed to client-side contraception? If men aren't responsible for their fair share of contraception, then women have no choice but to avoid sleeping with men altogether.

Why is the desire to have a "mini-me" more important than actually ensuring that child has a stable, two-parent home?

Are you talking about single moms by choice? I don't think there is any data on the number of SMBC yet, but I'm sure this subset of single mothers is outnumbered by women abandoned by their partners. Working a full-time job and doing all the parenting isn't what many women choose, but rather, it's the end result of men who are, at best, irresponsible or at worse, abusive.

CatallaxyRanch · 2026-01-15T23:06:03+00:00

Doesn't matter, had baby

Edit: In seriousness, the women on this sub are largely not of the demographic that becomes single mothers, and the women who are of that demographic generally lack the conscientiousness and future time orientation to contemplate the questions you're asking.

2026-01-15T23:41:20+00:00

People can be bad parents without being "absent." Although it is unfortunate for all involved, it's better for children to be in safe homes with one parent than in abusive homes with both parents. I know a single dad of twins who had to leave with his daughters after his wife refused to treat her alcoholism. Her substance abuse did not start until after they had kids. I know several single moms who left because their husbands/partners were physically, verbally, and/or sexually abusive to them or their children. Abusive or otherwise unsafe behavior can surface after bringing children into the picture. Although there are often red flags, in many cases there are not (or the abused party is young, naive, and unaware that what they're experencing is not healthy or normal).

Personally, I encourage everyone to really get to know their partner over the course of at least 3-5 years before getting married and/or having children. However, even in situations where a person does everything right (or most things right), they can still end up as single parents.

oppositegeneva · 2026-01-16T00:25:15+00:00

Why are we still pretending that being a "strong single mom" is an achievement?

I don’t know a single person who views it as an achievement, it’s viewed as an obstacle that women have to overcome

Very few women actively choose to get knocked up knowing full well the father won’t be in the picture, they just accept it when it happens.

Title	Why be a single mom?
Author	Busy_String_571
Upvotes	0
Comments	226
Date	January 15, 2026 10:58 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1qdyr2q/why_be_a_single_mom/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-be-a-single-mom.1571229 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571229

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