Why the Divorce Unfairness is Causing Hookup Culture

toasterchild · 2024-05-10T17:40:33+00:00

The system really isn't biased, how people structure their families is biased. When one partner stays home it's almost always the woman. The courts don't care who plays what role, the assets just get split as determined by law. It has nothing to do with marriage itself, simply the risk of marrying someone who you then make your financial dependent. You can totally marry and simply not do that, in fact most people don't anymore. Most of these rants are basically anger about how it was 40 years ago.

For the love of god if you are man and going through a divorce consult actual lawyers before signing whatever her lawyer presents. A LOT of people give men advice to just sign whatever he lawyer asks for because men never win anyway. Stop making men think they have no rights in family court, they do and they need to use them.

Lilrip1998 · 2024-05-10T18:05:00+00:00

These are all personal decisions. If you don't want to get married you don't have to get married. If you want to pursue casual flings you can pursue casual flings. If you want an LTR without marriage you can look for someone whose interests align with yours.

You can opt in and out of either both paths have different rewards and risks attached. Both mean potentially gaining and losing something.

If you think getting married is too risky don't get married, done problem solved.

velvetalocasia · 2024-05-10T17:54:17+00:00

You made zero connection between the „unfairness of divorce“ and „hukup culture“.

Moolg86 · 2024-05-10T18:19:10+00:00

Where’s a clip of a divorce lawyer detailing all the pitfalls of marriage/divorce. Seems like that’d be super useful here.

Dorkology · 2024-05-10T17:56:43+00:00

It's interesting. I believe in the foundation of marriage. I'm happily married. And yet (outside of religious beliefs), I can see why men don't want to engage in it in the west.

In the other post made just before this, I noticed the most common point being made is that they don't want to sign a contract that's so easily broken. I see protest against this mindset with various reasons given. But none of them actually address the point these men are making.

This has me wondering. Don't most people say the traditional marriage vows before signing the paperwork? Do people (by and large women) really think "to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part," is just flowery language for "I'll leave if I'm not happy?"

RubyDiscus · 2024-05-10T17:41:15+00:00

The woman has everything to gain and nothing to lose.

How? What if she earns more? Seems pretty sexist thing to say

Orangematcha · 2024-05-10T18:22:17+00:00

Hookup culture skews younger. LTR are replacing married not hookup culture. Hookup culture exists with certain individuals. Not everyone is down to fuck casually, some even can’t fuck casually.

Bad comparison. Bad argument. 2/10

spanglesandbambi · 2024-05-10T18:25:19+00:00

Then don't get married, we don't care.

AcephalicDude · 2024-05-10T18:11:01+00:00

Let’s back up and talk about what a marriage is from a legal standpoint:

A marriage is primarily a property-sharing agreement where the presumption (unless otherwise agreed in a pre-nup) is a 50/50 division of assets acquired during the marriage, and a 50/50 stake in the income of the marriage. Marriage also creates other ancillary legal benefits and obligations, such as right to inheritance upon death of a spouse, and a presumption of fatherhood and custody rights for any child born during the marriage – but the really important thing is the property division.

It could be that you are better off never entering into an agreement to share your assets, this is true. But what if you are already living with your partner and effectively sharing income and assets? In this case, you are more protected by entering into a marriage because there is a clear-cut way to divide assets and income if the partnership fails. If you live with a partner for 10 years and then break-up, things are going to get very messy and expensive, much more so than without the marital agreement. This is because any disputes over assets will require a full civil suit to resolve, and civil litigation is more timely and more costly than divorce proceedings.

What you are really saying in your post, without realizing it, is that men shouldn’t get into long-term co-habiting relationships with women at all. The legal institution of marriage isn’t the problem, it exists to protect people that do choose to get into these committed relationships.

alwaysright12 · 2024-05-10T17:27:26+00:00

Why does the woman gain everything? Or lose nothing?

literaryhogwartian · 2024-05-10T18:15:43+00:00

If my husband and I divorce what am I gaining? What is he losing?

DreaminInChocolate · 2024-05-10T18:00:32+00:00

It's mostly young people hooking up. It's not young people getting married or divorced.

hydro908 · 2024-05-10T20:12:53+00:00

Yep marriage is terrible idea for a successful man now as well as having kids. The government gave to many incentives to women for leaving and there not held accountable for cheating or being disloyal

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HumpsyDumpsy · 2024-05-11T06:58:16+00:00

There are zero benefits a man gets from getting married as opposed to just a regular committed long term relationship

Then why do men get married. Why do men think it's a flex when a woman can keep a man, opposed to attracting pump n dumps. Why do men place so much value on "wife material" ie cooking, cleaning, embracing femininity, valuing a fertile woman etc.

If there truly were no benefits to marriage for a man then every man would opt out of it.

VWGUYWV · 2024-05-12T14:54:49+00:00

Unless you are religious and so don't believe in sex out of wedlock, then I think marriage only makes sense for a man if he wants to have kids (tends to create a slightly more stable home and keeps the kid from being viewed as illegitimate and makes the mom less likely to bounce).

Also, I have emotions but have really trained myself to recognize them and put them in perspective. Every LTR I've had had way too much "handling someone's somewhat unregulated emotions that aren't connected to reality that well." I'm not going to have decisions hurt my life because someone has a strong feeling about it, when the thing is a practical decision.

Choice-Substance-183 · 2024-05-10T17:35:42+00:00

There are zero benefits a man gets from getting married as opposed to just a regular committed long term relationship

Lemme go tell my husband we should get a divorce because he's got "zero benefits".

Men who desire long term relationships who are smart will not sign this unfair contract that clearly is not in their best interest

So why are a majority of men married? Why is the wedding industry still growing?

TalkGlass · 2024-05-10T18:13:46+00:00

you’re a moron

Electrical-Beat-2232 · 2024-05-10T21:24:45+00:00

It is only fair the asstes that develop throughout a relationship be divided equally in the event of a divorce. This isnt unfair to anyone.

Marriage rates in the USA are now trending upwards. Many men are happier when married, so if their partners push for it, many go with it.

I am not sure what you are arguing. That assets accrued during a marriage not be split evenly even though the wealth creation occured during your partnership? That takes us back decades when women were penalised financially for having children. That is manifestly unfair.

Get rid of alimony? Maybe, although it only awarded in a small amount of divorces. Some men do get screwed over when leaving their wives (my uncle sure did) but most don't.

Marriage can be great if both people work on nourishing their connection.

OP with respect I dont find your argument compelling.

one_time_animal · 2024-05-10T23:59:01+00:00

I've never believed it for a minute. For men who have been married and divorced, yes, but I have never once for a single second believed that never married men are avoiding dating and marriage because of divorce.

They avoid marriage because they're hoping they magically become Chad one day and can fuck a ton of women. Some combination of that and that they really just don't like the woman they're with that much, she's just the one that fit into his life.

I always remember there was this incel youtuber named KicksPassion who always made videos mocking MGTOW creators on their looks because they're all inevitably well below average trying to sell themselves as above average.

Managed to find a repost

This is the vast majority of 'MGTOW'

full_brick_package · 2024-05-10T23:59:22+00:00

No it's not related at all. Men and women often don't want relationships and just want sex. Long term non committed relationships aren't hookup culture.

Not everyone wants monogamy.

gntlbastard · 2024-05-11T02:07:34+00:00

In 2024, before you consider marriage, check to see if you can afford the divorce.

soontobesolo · 2024-05-10T19:56:39+00:00

It's true that there are zero benefits for men being married, and a huge downside. Smart men don't get married.

But it's certainly possible to have a good, successful LTR and not be married. This is sadly not culturally acceptable as widely as it should be. Thus, hookup culture is magnified. So I mostly agree with you but I think you're missing the part about having LTR without marriage.

DXBrigade · 2024-05-10T17:38:06+00:00

Marriage contract don't favor women actually. If you're ready to buy a house with a woman and have kids with her, I don't see why you are so scared of marriage.

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Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2024-05-10T19:25:35+00:00

I don't think this is a major cause of hookup culture. There might be some people that carry on hooking up into middle age, rather than getting married, but most of the hooking up os done by younger people. Probably because it's more socially acceptable that it used to be.

Keep_Forever666 · 2024-05-10T23:02:55+00:00

I think you have that backwards, mate. I don’t get married (so I cant get divorced) because of hookup culture. I was with the same woman for 19 years (not married). The 2 years following our breakup, I was sexually with 8 different women.. .. literally having the time of my fucking life.

Scarce12 · 2024-05-11T02:12:34+00:00

I don't think it's divorce unfairness per se, but more that the research showing women increasingly losing interest in sex in long-term relationships is being presented as a womens only issue and that's perpetuating anxierty among men regarding commitment.

It's really something that needs to be tackled head on.

Different_Cress7369 · 2024-05-11T06:31:24+00:00

Long term relationships will be looked on the same way as marriage by the court if you split and divide assets.

superlurkage · 2024-05-10T18:02:46+00:00

We don’t equate dating with marriage, so no

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2024-05-10T19:25:23+00:00

Men benefit more from marriage than women do

Women fare worse financially after a divorce than men

Men are more likely to remarry and remarry faster after a divorce than women

Chebbieurshaka · 2024-05-10T17:39:00+00:00

In Italy back in the day divorce was illegal and I assume it was hard to get an annulment. Society gave a lot of women benefits but also gave them a lot of responsibility. I don’t think it’s reasonable for a man to get married.

This had down sides though because it was hard to get outta abusive relationships and people who lied about if they’re fertile or not as examples. I assume Italy after WW2 was economically better off and there was a post war population boom. Just that years of lead and a lot reforms changed Italy’s trajectory. There’s a song about this transition and social conflict from a right wing perspective.

Song I mentioned

Alfred-Adler · 2024-05-11T01:54:06+00:00

I am not saying that you're wrong; I am saying that the rationalization is not that complicated.

If a guy has the opportunity to hooking up / FWB / dating casually; the vast majority of the time they would pick hooking up / FWB / dating casually instead of "traditional dating" leading to a relationship leading to marriage/LTR.

Also, the economic aspect is an issue, "dating" is expensive compared to hooking up / FWB / dating casually.

Hey, even surging is becoming cheaper than dating.

apresonly · 2024-05-10T18:42:22+00:00

i would guess the advantage would be securing the woman you want, as not all women will settle for an LTR instead of marriage.

if you don't care that much about the woman, then yeah, obviously not an advantage to marry her.

KayRay1994 · 2024-05-10T19:14:35+00:00

Hookup culture primarily impacts university students and people younger than 25. The vast majority of them have no interest in marriage in the first place. The correlation is there, but the causation is seriously lacking. There are about 300 different factors you can look at for each before even linking the two together.

Title	Why the Divorce Unfairness is Causing Hookup Culture
Author	UnhappyInevitable680
Upvotes	22
Comments	393
Date	May 10, 2024 5:26 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1cov1rf/why_the_divorce_unfairness_is_causing_hookup/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-the-divorce-unfairness-is-causing-hookup.1518113 https://theredarchive.com/post/1518113

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