Girlfriend recently told me that she was pregnant and I'm gonna be a dad. Within a few hours of this announcement, she completely changed and has been threatening that I'll never see or have custody of the child.

justaspermdonor · 2012-10-31T15:45:07+00:00

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blueoak9 · 2012-10-31T15:57:47+00:00

"She apologized for it later, but that shit really hit me hard. "

Her apology can't change the fact that you cannot trust her.Take this warning from her because it may the only one you get.

It can't change this either: "And every time we have any little disagreement she pulls this "oh, you must not to be involved in the baby's life" and bails."

She is weaponizing that child against you. She doesn't see the child as living person but as a tool to use to get what she wants. This is the definition of abuse. So that's another warning from her.

So you know you can't trust her, and that means you can't afford to let her know she doesn't control you. You can't afford to be honest with her.

By the way the only things about gendered about this are the systemic sexism you will face as a man - the institutional and legal roadblocks to equal parenthood - and the way society in general and the legal system will permit and enable her behavior. But there is nothing gendered about her behavior in itslef; there are men who act exactly this same way.

Here's a good website for you to look at: http://www.shrink4men.com/ The woman who runs it is a clinical psychologist who specializes in men who have High Conflict Personality wives and girlsfriends, but she has female commenters who have expereinced the same shit at the hands of men. The symptomology is identical.

warrior_king · 2012-10-31T15:57:32+00:00

Some people here are probably going to jump down my throat for being naive, but have you tried speaking to her about how her actions make you feel?

Coach_I_gotta_pee · 2012-10-31T15:54:59+00:00

You're not fucked, but you are at a disadvantage. After the child is born, you can get a DNA test to establish paternity and you will have a hearing to determine placement/custody/support.

Keep a log of what she threatens, or any harassing behavior. Keep a log of any money you give her during the pregnancy, so that means writing checks so you have proof you supported her.

Have a job or be in school when you have your hearing. Have a place to live for your child. Don't get into personal attacks, and if she brings up the weed or anything else, deny it and make her prove it. If you are off of it, offer to take a drug test.

justaspermdonor · 2012-10-31T14:48:41+00:00

YOU WERE PLANNING ON MARRYING THIS?

TenLink · 2012-10-31T16:57:09+00:00

On a side note, make sure you get a DNA test. Do not sign the birth certificate until you know for sure that it is your child via a DNA test. If you sign the certificate and it later turns out not to actually be your kid you will still be held responsible for child support because you assumed the role of father. This may seem unrelated or not relevant to your situation, but really this is something every assumed father should do as a matter of routine. In fact, I think the mens rights movement should actively try to get a law past where determining paternity is standard practice for every newborn. But until then men must take it upon themselves to do it.

b_sinning · 2012-10-31T16:20:35+00:00

Welcome to the hell that is having a kid with a crazy bitch. Do not marry her! It will only get worse. I married my crazy bitch and it was the worse mistake of my life. Satan just let me see my son last night for the first time in more than a month and made sure it was a horrible experience.

Sasha_ · 2012-10-31T16:09:58+00:00

Do what ever you can to get her to have an abortion. Otherwise she'll turn on you x10 after the baby's born, you'll never see it, you'll be responsile for child support for 18 years.

typhonblue · 2012-10-31T16:00:22+00:00

You impregnated a crazy. Seriously, if this stuff is going on now, you have absolutely no idea how bad it could get. She can and will go absolutely crazy if this is the preview.

For the good of the child, your life, and hers, lets hope nature does one of those illegitimate pregnancies.

charliebeanz · 2012-10-31T23:16:54+00:00

God, as a mom, this shit seriously pisses me off. My daughter cries every night for her father, saying "Daddy, come back", and there are women out there who will intentionally put their children through this and keep them away from men who love them and actually want to be a part of their lives. IMO, only a sociopath would deliberately cause that kind of pain and emotional scarring to another human being. I wish I could give you some advice, but all I can say is I'm sorry you're going through this, and let's hope it's just the pregnancy crazies talking.

SlapnutsGT · 2012-10-31T18:27:23+00:00

From one Ent to another ... if you proceed with this make sure you get clean so it is impossible for her to use it against you. Don't leave any ammunition laying around for this crazy broad.

Also ... if she is going this flip-mode on you this early I would get a paternity test as well.

Lyonette · 2012-10-31T14:24:58+00:00

Lay off the weed if you're having problems with panic attacks. :)

It sounds like your GF is not even remotely mature enough to be a parent? Is it too late or is abortion off the table? Granted she's probably hormonal and scared due to pregnancy, but still not right of her to be hateful.

You may want to preemptively contact an attorney before she has the baby just to get an idea of what you need to do to ensure paternity is established should support/custody need to be an issue in the future.

Theophagist · 2012-10-31T22:09:16+00:00

Leave. Skip town. Skip the state. Make her chase you for years just to determine fatherhood.

justaspermdonor · 2012-10-31T15:19:36+00:00

Jesus, some of these posts are defeated and disheartening as fuck.

2012-10-31T16:12:56+00:00

First of all, if you are man you are F'd. Second, get a Lawyer, maybe that one is first, but either way, you are at a disadvantage in US courts being male.

Third, RUN! Get out quickly, if you wait, she can hit you with spousal support in addition to the child support, then you will be double F'd

It's really, really, really important that you talk to a lawyer, so you know your rights in your state and know how to protect yourself. If you wait until she makes the first move, you'll be Quadruple F'd

typhonblue · 2012-10-31T16:30:52+00:00

Stop having sex with her.

STOP HAVING SEX WITH HER!

She might not be pregnant and this may be a ploy to get pregnant because "it's safe now and hey, we can have sex without condoms wink wink"

justaspermdonor · 2012-10-31T15:03:05+00:00

Start recording every conversation with her. And don't listen to anyone without a law degree who cautions you about potential violations of wiretapping laws. This is an abusive relationship and whatever you can do to extricate yourself from it and protect yourself from further attacks is fair game.

justaspermdonor · 2012-10-31T14:48:57+00:00

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oneiorosgrip · 2012-10-31T17:12:45+00:00

Is your girlfriend's behavior just a bigger, stronger version of the way she normally acts?

If it's just extreme-her, you're learning how she behaves while under high levels of stress. It could just be a sign that she has some growing up to do (which is not your responsibility - you're her boyfriend, not her dad) or she could be a nutjob-in-training. Either way, it's a definite sign that she's not prepared to be someone's partner in life.

If that is the case, your best bet is to take the majority of the advice you got here - get a lawyer and start preparing for a custody battle. Be aware that if you are dealing with a person who has no qualms about being dishonest or hurting you, she may use the justice system as a weapon against you, and it would be to your benefit to collect proof of her behavior now... especially any threats of violence, false allegations, or withholding contact with your kid. Do not let her (or anyone outside your lawyer's office) know you're preparing, or she may bolt with your child prior to birth. Depending on what state you live in, your rights can be slim to none as an unwed father, so you want to avoid giving her reason to layer on any other factor which could damage your case, like distance.

Mentally treat this as a hostile situation, but verbally treat it as a defense of your child, not an attack on your girlfriend. Your legal focus should be on ensuring a stable, loving, and nurturing environment for your child, not anything to do with resentment, fear, or hurt over your girlfriend's behavior.

If this is what you're dealing with, then the rest of what I've written doesn't apply to your situation.

Is your girlfriend's current behavior completely out of character for her (as in, not an extreme version of her normal behavior, but who-the-fuck-are-you-and-what-did-you-do-with-my-girlfriend out of character?)

If how she's acting now is absolutely nothing like the person you knew before she got pregnant, she could be suffering from a hormone-induced mental illness. Her body is going through chemical changes which, outside the context of pregnancy, have been found to result in symptoms of depression or psychosis. Variations in thyroid function and metabolism, blood sugar levels, and sex-hormones can alter the emotional response and the individual's grasp on the real and rational. Many women adjust to the changes without losing their shit. For some of us, it takes more effort (for me it felt like trying to hold an angry Rottweiler on a leash made for a Chihuahua, even though I knew the responses I was stifling while I thought through them were irrational) and for a small few, the effect is a genuine (but usually temporary) handicap just like any other chemical imbalance.

This doesn't excuse the behavior, but it may help you figure out how to address it. If her personality has gone through a dramatic change during pregnancy, there is some medical treatment for that. Which leads into

If that's the case and you want to try to fix the problem, is there a close, supportive female who can become involved?

This isn't to suggest an intervention-style "something is wrong with you" meeting... but when dealing with hormone-induced irrationality, it helps to have a go-between, preferably a female she already views as an ally. Why not you? Because she's already demonstrated an adversarial attitude toward you, and you telling her she's being irrational (even though you'd be right) will only reinforce that.

If she has a close, trustworthy female friend or family member whose observations and loyalty she trusts, you might be able to get some help dealing with this situation. If you choose to talk to someone, approach the situation by communicating not concern for yourself (even though you're right to be concerned) but concern over your girlfriend's suffering and whether it represents a symptom of anything potentially harmful to her. (As in, "she seems to be having such a rough time, and I don't know what to do to help." Use the word "anxiety" in place of "psychosis" and talk about her worries instead of her threats.) Appearance matters if you're trying to be diplomatic. It's better to look like a knight-in-armor while attempting to find a solution to this problem than to look like a grand inquisitor or wartime saboteur. This approach will make her ally your ally, so that instead of you calling your girlfriend irrational, someone she's not predisposed to react badly to can get her to admit it herself, and seek assistance from her doctor in dealing with the emotional symptoms.

It's not an instant fix, and will definitely require a lot of work, but it's an option if you're averse to ending the relationship over this.

Regardless of your situation and how you decide to handle it... in your place, I'd keep the first option (lawyer, documentation, custody battle) in reserve until after the birth, when you'll see whether the new behavior ends, continues, or gets worse. The most important thing is for you to protect your kid's welfare, and that includes making sure he or she has a caregiver with a rational outlook who will focus on care, not someone ruled by emotion who will use him or her as a weapon against the other parent.

Raidicus · 2012-10-31T15:55:30+00:00

This is some definite, abusive craziness. I suspect latent guilt/worry about who the father is coming out as aggression/frustration towards you. Almost sounds like shes baiting a breakup with you, but then worrying what she'll do without a man while she's pregnant. IE This sounds royally fucked up. As other's have suggest, I'd get a paternity test asap, then follow up with a lawyer if it's actually yours. Then I'd break up with her. It's bad enough crazy is going to get child support, you may as well not give her half your physical possessions too.

superchibisan2 · 2012-10-31T16:48:57+00:00

Get a blood test, it might not be yours. The father of the child will usually be regarded highly by the woman if they know that father to be true. She is reacting like this because she is scared that you will leave and that leaves it open for the possibility that she was impregnated by another man.

productionx · 2012-10-31T17:05:50+00:00

What state is this in? If its not Cali or Colo you need to ditch the weed ASAP, YESTERDAY.

st_gulik · 2012-10-31T17:44:21+00:00

Also, she can't take away your parental rights as father UNLESS you sign a statement claiming that you are NOT the father and give up all rights.

Btw, I'd demand a paternity test. People as crazy as this are crazy enough to go have sex with someone else and try to loop you into the responsibility. Seriously.

Icanollie187 · 2012-10-31T19:51:04+00:00

Lawyer up and dump her. She's going to be using the kid as a bargaining chip for years to come. It's even worse if you're in a relationship with her.

Eryan36 · 2012-10-31T20:53:50+00:00

Find a staircase and head to /r/childfree? Wait, this isn't /r/ImGoingToHellForThis, my bad.

TophToast · 2012-10-31T21:10:15+00:00

Sounds like you put your dick in crazy.

2012-10-31T23:04:03+00:00

Sounds like a great fucking situation to be in.

You two sound like you're about to raise a societal terror, complete with mommy and daddy issues. Why don't you punch her in the belly and get it over with - probably doing everybody a favor.

2012-11-01T02:52:35+00:00

I don't want to be the token asshole here but seeing as nobody else has asked the question, why did you get her pregnant when your relationship was so poor in the first place? :-/

apotshot · 2012-10-31T15:40:47+00:00

Fake out loving her, tell her a kid isn't right at the moment, ask her to get an abortion. Bail after the abortion.

MRMRising · 2012-10-31T16:11:36+00:00

Sometimes woman will lie that they are pregnant to get there man to commit/get married. Whatever you do, do not have sex with her ever again. If she is not pregnant now, she will try doubly hard in the future.

Do you even want to be a father to this child?

2012-10-31T16:23:50+00:00

Calm down, ignore the 'OMFG YOU MARRY THIS' comments, and read the more intelligent ones. But the major thing is, CALM DOWN.

Swift3lade · 2012-10-31T23:08:25+00:00

I went through EXACTLY what you're talking about! EXACTLY! Paper trail wins the court case ALWAYS! I couldn't agree more with the guys telling you to document it (TIME STAMP IT TOO).

The judge won't give TWO shits about ANYTHING that isn't documented. Furthermore the judge won't give two shits about your guys' bickering. The judge cares about only ONE thing and that thing is the child's best interests.

If you are serious about this kid then stop smoking the weed. If one thing is gonna fuck this up for you, then it's the weed.

If she seems mentally unstable, document that and reasons why. If you tell the judge (oh on July 7th 2012 she told me to fuck off and go to hell) he won't care about that.

Don't let her empty threats scare you. Just ignore her. Don't read on the internet about people's SOB stories, all you will read is HORROR stories about guys getting screwed over. It will stress you out BIG TIME.

The stories these guys tell are half truths; usually they screw things up and they make it look like THEY are the ones getting fucked over. If you do everything by the book and don't lose your shit (mess things up by smoking weed) you will be okay.

Now listen to me on this next point and listen to me well... This chick sounds CRAZY and manipulative (I can't know for sure so take it with a grain of salt). Don't you DARE stay with her because you think it'll be better for the baby. It WON'T. If you want to stay with her, do it for yourself. Don't let her make you feel guilty for 'leaving her'. She will try and make it seem like because you're leaving her you're also leaving the baby. It's simply not true.

Things will be rough for the first 6 months (after she gives birth). She will have 'mama bear' syndrome. Don't take her to court yet (unless she doesn't let you see him at all). Wait until about 8-10 months, then DROP IT ON THAT BITCH (court).

family court is easy. If you do your research (dunno how smart and capable you are) you can EASILY represent yourself. Just make an appointment or two to get some advise from a lawyer (it'll be well worth the cost).

It is hard for the first bit because the baby will be so dependant on the mom. During this time you guys will probably fight constantly. Emotions are high.

I remember when I was in your shoes (at this stage) I was SHITTING my pants. Things were awful, but mostly because I was unsure and because I didn't know what to do or expect. I didn't want a baby with this girl AT ALL! I made things awful mainly because of my worrying.

Now? I couldn't be more happy. I look at the bright side. Yes I pay child support, but you know what? The money goes to the baby and youwon't give a SHIT about the money. Look at the bright side. You pay her ass to take care of the baby (cheaper than a nanny - MUCH cheaper). Therefore you get to keep your life AND have a kid, what's better than that?

So much more to tell you, so much more to say. Message me if any questions. I've lived your life :)

Legolas-the-elf · 2012-10-31T14:59:01+00:00

You sound pretty young. How's your relationship with her parents? They are going to be the grandparents of this kid, and hopefully you'll be seeing a lot of them. Try to get them on side ASAP, show them you want to be a good father. If anything is going to enable her to cut you out of the kid's life, it's going to be them, so you want to give them as little reason as possible for them to go along with it and you want to build a communication channel between you and them that doesn't go through her. Can you give her dad a call and ask him for advice, man-to-man?

2012-10-31T16:17:22+00:00

What state are you in?

Ihmhi · 2012-10-31T17:13:17+00:00

Start saving money now. You'll probably need to retain a lawyer in the future, and outside of the lawyer there's other expenses. The phone company would have to provide printed transcripts of texts, for instance, and they may charge for that. Ditto for Facebook if they end up getting subpoenaed.

Pecanpig · 2012-10-31T17:20:30+00:00

First off, START RECORDING EVERYTHING!

But also try and set some firm rules that she has to either follow or face consequences for breaking. This could induce some stability to the "relationship", but if you can't fix things and she screws you over? then yeah, sorry mate but your penis means you would loose custody along with 50% of your income.

Sorry.

2012-10-31T17:59:40+00:00

I've been there.

My advice... Pretend to be happy until the kid is born. You have no power to stop her from bolting yet. If she does, she can always show up later and say, "It's your kid you need to pay, but the kid doesn't know you so you can't be in the kids' life." or something to that effect.

The day the kid is born, paternity test. They will likely try to stop it and guilt you. Once you are legally proven yes/no on being the kids father have your lawyer file the appropiate paperwork.

Lots of good advice on this thread.

modern_quill · 2012-10-31T18:34:35+00:00

Ouch, that's pretty harsh of her. Not to say that this kind of behavior is okay or anything like that, but pregnancy does a lot of wild things to a lady and not just emotionally. Even from a simple cyber security standpoint a woman's biometrics changes during a pregnancy and so I have to alter biometric anomaly percentages during their early stages of pregnancy. Given sufficient time I'm sure she'll come around to being as you've remembered her. Try not to take her words too much to heart, hormonal imbalances can turn even the most kind-hearted individuals into a raging B.

2012-10-31T19:14:05+00:00

Which state are you in? You might be able to get a medical marijuana card so smoking is not a legal problem.

And get some dirt on her since she's doing the same for you.

lookaboveyou · 2012-10-31T19:36:55+00:00

Shes trying to manipulate you by using threats she doesn't actually mean- just like a girl can threaten break ups to gain power, (I've learned to call bluffs and say "okay i guess if you do want to break up, goodbye" and they instantly freak out and get mad you took their lie literally.

A girl can get more out of you if you ARENT living together by using our shitty laws, she's trying to pull some shit in her chaotic frantic mind, pregnancy causes a sort of insanity.

2012-10-31T19:59:56+00:00

Get a passport, prepare to make some hard choices.

disso · 2012-10-31T20:08:41+00:00

http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901

This tends to get worse with age, and the stress and arguments a child can bring will likely lead to exhaustion and frustration like you have never felt before. Good Lawyer, documentation. When you start to get complacent, remember what is on the line and catch-up your documenting.

One time I mailed a letter to my son's mom so I would have a record that I was recommending pre-school for him and it turned out to help my case a ton. This idea came from either my father or my lawyer. My lawyer was experienced in the area and knew what the judge wanted emphasized. Oh, if you are on any sort of good relationship with your parents it's probably best to start preparing to ask them for help paying for a lawyer.

Edit: This looks very interesting: "Splitting" helps by focusing on the strategies. Do not engage, do not react, and document everything.

keyboardjock · 2012-10-31T20:58:23+00:00

It's shit like this that makes me want to be single.

jimmybrite · 2012-10-31T20:58:48+00:00

I doubt she changed, bitches be bitches.

2012-11-01T00:08:56+00:00

Go on Maury, get a DNA test. J/K... She is freaking because she is not sure she wants the baby. She is testing you to see how attached you are as well. If you want to be a dad you have to just forgive her and be there when she needs it, you can win your child back.

baconOclock · 2012-11-01T00:26:42+00:00

In crazy, you stuck your dick.

AnnArchist · 2012-11-01T01:37:20+00:00

Quit smoking until you have a custody agreement. Seriously.

beardguy · 2012-11-01T04:07:57+00:00

Could Just be pregnancy hormones. Some women just become a little crazy when pregnant. Could be nothing to worry about.

Swift3lade · 2012-10-31T15:58:02+00:00

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rj20876 · 2012-10-31T15:11:09+00:00

Assuming you are also in the United States, she is probably going to get custody unless you have a very good lawyer or she is a complete fuck up. Good news, it is damn near impossible to keep you from seeing the child in accordance with visitation. If you can, record her saying this or keep text, etc, as the court takes into consideration which parent is more likely to be compliant with the custody and visitation schedule. Also, if she does obtain custody it will be damn near impossible for her to just up and move.

2012-10-31T14:57:48+00:00

Well, tell her to prove it. Tell her to get blood work done to find out if she's really pregnant.

2012-10-31T20:19:52+00:00

You should talk to her and let her know that her behavior is not acceptable. More importantly, you should encourage her to see a doctor, because she very well may be depressed. Speaking from first-hand experience, depression can completely change you and cause you to lash out. She may again become the girl you once knew and loved if she gets on antidepressants.

2012-10-31T21:26:43+00:00

Then you'll never see a dime of childsupport.

What's that? You'll sue? Okay, I'll leave the country.

Psionx0 · 2012-10-31T23:19:04+00:00

Get a lawyer. Start documenting everything. I have a close friend who is literally trapped in a very crappy marriage because of three kids and a mother who threatens him with them all time. Sounds like the start of what he's dealt with.

Unenjoyed · 2012-10-31T23:47:11+00:00

Are you positive that it's yours? That may be part of what changed the behavior.

Black_Daddy · 2012-10-31T23:48:16+00:00

Any woman who will threaten you like that is not worthy of a relationship at all. My advice: GET OUT NOW.

PleaseKillYourCat · 2012-11-01T00:12:41+00:00

Kill her. If she has a cat, kill it first.

wellhungartgallery · 2012-11-01T00:18:31+00:00

I bet it's not your kid and that she's a cheating bitch but wants you to still pay child suport

whootsley · 2012-11-01T01:06:01+00:00

Fight for that child, I waited and tried to make it work and I regret it. Now I am doing the lawyer thing 2 years into his life. I didn't get to go to my son's 2nd night of trick or treating this year because the mother won't let me. Let me tell you right now you do not want to know the feeling of being told no you can't see your child, or no you can't take him somewhere for a night. The pain is more than any one should have to feel. Sounds like you got a plan, record everything, screen shot texts, get a recording app and record every conversation with her, Save money good luck man.

2012-11-01T01:23:41+00:00

A lot of whether or not you have a chance of custody depends on what state you're in. I live in Florida, and here it's pretty much woman gets what she wants unless you film her shooting heroine while using the child as a footstool.

Arlieth · 2012-11-01T01:34:08+00:00

Wow dude. I'm just really glad you told us this now asking for advice instead of 9 months from now.

actanonverba8 · 2012-11-01T01:36:41+00:00

I'm late to the part and not a legal expert but the things you mentioned in your edit section sound good. I would also add that you must, must, must, must maintain your own relationships outside of the one with her. Nearly all women I've ever seen in a relationship intentionally (though they'd never admit) it try to break or weaken the bonds between the man and his friends (and often family too). It gives them more control and they like that.

You better believe that behind your back she is talking about you and your most private moments with her friends, sisters, mom (as applicable to her in particular). Remember, in her mind you're a lower species (just a man) she "deserves" everything.

Maintain your bonds with friends and family. It's very important. She will use the woman card, the law, and her friends and family to bully you. Protect yourself.

If anyone is offended by this and wants to say NAWALT, I get it. There are exceptions (but she certainly doesn't sound like one based on this post). Just trying to help this man.

BitterDivorcedDad · 2012-11-01T02:41:35+00:00

It's probably not even yours. And listen to LaFridge - record everything. Keep one of those Olympus voice recorders on you and turn it on when speaking to her. Have a video camera handy in your pocket, too. When your attorney says "My client has video." to the judge - those are very powerful words.

pcarvious · 2012-11-01T03:50:15+00:00

You might want to consider filing with a putative father's registry in your state That link is just general information on the Registry.

Talk to a lawyer before filing. In some cases it may be seen as having a vested interest in the child, which means the state can go after you even if you aren't the father.

General_Tsos_Chicken · 2012-11-01T12:36:02+00:00

Convince her to get an abortion?

pondiki · 2012-10-31T15:34:31+00:00

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TrueEvenIfUdenyIt · 2012-10-31T15:35:40+00:00

Get a lawyer. Get a paternity test. Get a recording device.

okfornothing · 2012-10-31T17:00:14+00:00

Morning after pill, plan B!!! Get it now! After you know for sure she is NOT pregnant, dump that BITCH!

2012-10-31T18:11:10+00:00

Hi. I'm a woman who's been on the other side of this so I thought my point of view might be something that hasn't been offered yet.

I got pregnant while I was dating a guy and we actually broke up just before I found out. It's scary being pregnant and alone. Like terrifying. But it's no excuse for behaving like she is. If she says shit like that once, she will say it again. And don't let her or anyone else talk about "hormones" making her bitchy. I gave my bf the option of not being a father and walking away with no further contact and he thought about it but decided he wanted to be part of her life. I told him if he was going to do that, he had to pay child support and we worked something out by ourselves and he paid it. I knew from the bottom of my heart that I loved my kid enough to want her to have her father in her life, whatever way he could and that it was more important than my issues with him. I'm not trying to sound like a saint, I'm not. I was pissed at him for a lot of things and the break up was really hard but your girlfriend really needs to think about that baby before herself and I don't think it would hurt to tell her that.

Are you interested in being with her permanently? Or were you fairly casual?

EpicJ · 2012-10-31T15:25:05+00:00

Lawyer up

byungparkk · 2012-10-31T17:37:51+00:00

If you aren't married you won't have any custody AFAIK

stillSmotPoker1 · 2012-10-31T19:25:56+00:00

Google voice will record and save all your phone calls and emails. go have a look.

2012-10-31T19:27:27+00:00

Go to the courts, get a paternity test, and if it turns out that it is your baby, then have the court automatically take it out of your paycheck, so that there is no issues with paying the child support (and if their is, its on them, not you).

justaspermdonor · 2012-10-31T14:29:35+00:00

I think just accept you will never see the child. Just give up and stop trying to see her/him. Pretend you have no children and break up with your girlfriend. If you try to stay in the children's life you are just going to kill yourself for nothing. I know you want to be a good father but the legal system says you can't be. Just cut the girlfriend and the child off and move on. Hope child support is endurable.

2012-10-31T17:35:01+00:00

^{[Don’t take this the wrong way, guys. And if you do, read the paragraph marked ⇒⇒⇒.]}

Please be aware of the grave hormonal changes she goes through because of pregnancy. Women get extremely defensive and even offensive to anything (have you seen those videos of regular cats chasing huge bears up the trees?), as a natural reaction to protecting the child. You have to realize that most of that is just emotions, and actually meaningless, unless you take it seriously, and try to rationalize it. Don’t. It’s emotions. She needs her fears to be taken. She needs a strong man. Return emotions. You’ll be extremely surprised, how suddenly, all that was said before, becomes meaningless. (Source: Personal experience. :)

⇒⇒⇒ (No guys, I’m not justifying her behavior. It’s still wrong. [Well, the real part.] But a literal battle will not solve anything. Things are what they are. And I simply point out the mechanics behind it, so you can deal with it in a wise way, and actually get what you want. Which, I guarantee you, you won’t ever get with a battle. And neither will she.)

I hope everything turns out well by tomorrow. (Yes, that’s how quickly these things go.)

rightsbot · 2012-10-31T14:04:18+00:00

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tuffstough · 2012-10-31T18:51:52+00:00

If you want to marry the girl, I would suggest slowing down a bit and getting serious with her. Explain yourself. my experience with pregnent women is that they can have some mood swings brought on by adjusting hormones. If neither of you are looking to get married or stay together though, do what everyone else says for sure. You are in for a battle. Good luck either way and congratulations!

justaspermdonor · 2012-10-31T14:08:58+00:00

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Olipyr · 2012-10-31T19:20:24+00:00

Not super relevant, but smoking cannabis can make you a better parent.

Also, it might be good to sit her down and say you understand that this is a stressful situation, etc... but the way she's treating you is completely unjustified, and she needs to stop it.

MockingDead · 2012-10-31T14:35:28+00:00

If abortion is not an option. Leave. Head to another country if you can. If not, get to another state, and urban area where you can work under the table. Get a vasectomy so this shit never happens again.

Miathermopolis · 2012-10-31T15:41:00+00:00

Way to stick your dick in crazy.

You're now this woman's bitch for the rest of your child's life.

Maybe you should have just BEEN ANY KIND OF INTELLIGENT and used a fucking condom.

Sorry for the hostility but it's a frustrating situation I've seen time and time again.

GET TO KNOW PEOPLE BEFORE YOU FUCKING GET THEM PREGNANT, MEN.

Sincerely, A woman who would never use a CHILD as a way to coerce or threaten my SO.

Dranosh · 2012-10-31T17:40:24+00:00

Sigh, you men are friggin stupid. You know how you don't get women pregnant? by using condoms. You know how you don't risk rape allegations? don't have sex with women. I know it's hard to grasp the notion that the "rape culture" is perpetuated by men who willingly sleep with girls whom will most likely regret it later, by feminist standard tha/ "rape".

When you guys learn that sex is how women are fucking you guys over via child custody and rape charges, the sooner you can start looking for good down to earth women that know that men and women are and never will be equal and that the 2 are complementary.

I'm 21 years old, i've never once had sex, it may feel great, but i've also never had to worry about getting a girl pregnant, or worry about rape. To all the idiots that think "but what about compatability before marriage", you should probably know that women that sleep around more are more likely to divorce, why do you think sluts are viewed in bad light? Because you are unlikely to know who's child your raising.

Tl;dr: you guys are continuing the "rape" culture, you know how you stop rape allegations? By abstaining and going your own way. Also, wear a fcking condom, you can't bitch and moan about some crazy bitch threatening child support because you stuck your dick in without wrapping it.

Pls downvote, it will only prove that you guys hate the truth

myne · 2012-10-31T20:09:13+00:00

It's exactly this type of emotional blackail that would push me so far that I punched her stomach til I was certain she was barren in the biblical sense.

2012-10-31T20:46:06+00:00

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