Ladies, what does “something long-term” mean to you?

chromie96 · 2022-01-27T00:17:50+00:00

More and more people aren't into the whole marriage idea so long term just means they want a committed partner of some kind

mackenzie013_02 · 2022-01-27T00:28:19+00:00

I always said this when people asked me; it means long-term monogamous in my vocabulary. I’m not looking for a short term fling, or anything casual.. but I never want to marry or have kids so long-term is long-term!

GlumManufacturer1557 · 2022-01-27T01:13:03+00:00

At least for me, I try to think ''If you're not dating for marriage, you're dating for a break-up'', so thats literally what I mean. But most women I know just say it to make it clear they don't want hookups.

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-01-27T00:12:44+00:00

I don't see the point in dating when you already "know" it isn't going to last. So, I would say it means "I'm not interested in something that already looks like it's going to be temporary."

It doesn't have to be marriage. But a potential partner for life? Absolutely.

Orange_Paisley · 2022-01-27T00:18:38+00:00

I'll go against the grain here and say that "long term" doesn't necessarily mean marriage. Some people date and/or live together without planning to marry, but you'd still call it a long term relationship.

EdessaKandros · 2022-01-27T00:00:30+00:00

For me, I aim for life long relationship. Preferably just that one person.

Diddy_1978 · 2022-01-27T00:20:51+00:00

Long term, as in life long, having kids, living together. Marriage if that is a life goal, too.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-01-27T01:07:51+00:00

Going against the rest here.

LTR does not mean marriage

Generally when people are looking for something "long term" what we mean is we want to potentially build something thst lasts.. Well a long time

Ideally this would be a death do us part situation obviously. Who doesn't want a really long lasting relationship with someone to go old with?

But most of us know that the ideal is not the case for most of us. What we mean is that my intent is to date people who are generally also interested in building something that lasts. Which means that if we think the relationship won't last (different life goals for example) then there's no point wasting my time. Why attempt to put effort in something you know is temporary?

It's more of a mindset. Are you just here to have fun and you don't care if it ends in casual/something that only lasts a year or for however long you're in the city for? Good for you. But that's something I know won't last. Do we have conflicting ideals, are we incompatible in other areas? Then maybe it's better to cut our losses.

Its like someone wanting a Jason momoa body, knowing that the constraints of life (jobs, the time constraints of going to the gym, no steroids etc) means that they know its probably too unrealistic for them. But they're gonna try to aim for being healthy and fit and therefore end up with a pretty nice lean body.

The ideal is lifelong partnership (Jason momoa)

The reality is that for the most part many people may end up in long term (hopefully happy) partnerships before the relationship breaks down/run its course (a healthy body)

Therefore we try to avoid people who we think it's only temporary (the people who will only go to the gym 3 times a year and eat a shit ton of junk food so we end up fat instead)

CatoftheBanals · 2022-01-27T00:43:33+00:00

I would guess it's kind of deconstructionist theory at work-- "long-term" means "not casual," as in it's defined by what it is not rather than what it is. "I don't want to hook up." or "If you're just looking to get off and ghost, please next me."

I'm sure some women do have different meanings in mind, but those probably vary. Everything from "I want a monogamous relationship of X duration" to "I'm marriage-minded."

Feisty-Saturn · 2022-01-27T00:10:41+00:00

It means a relationship that is exclusive, that we intend to lead to marriage at some point. That point could be in 1 year, it could be in 5 years or more, it’s really up to the couple.

ruboyuri · 2022-01-27T00:34:00+00:00

Exclusive relationship until we don’t like each other no more

sarkington · 2022-01-27T04:39:48+00:00

On dating apps it means….”I’m not one of those scary marriage- and baby-crazed women, shut up! I’m not, ok!? Cmon, don’t be scared!”

goatismycopilot · 2022-01-27T00:23:30+00:00

Long term is kinda vague. It means nothing. You can have intentions of anything and not follow through.

I think it implies somebody might want marriage or an exclusive partnership.

BatGuy1288 · 2022-01-27T00:35:10+00:00

I’m a guy…I asked my best friend who’s a woman and she said “it means not casual, I’m doing this with intention and you should be too”

JewelJones2021 · 2022-01-27T01:05:45+00:00

Long term to me means; I want a relationship that lasts long enough for us to have and raise 3 kids together, and let's also travel and see the world together.

sfalgo · 2022-01-27T01:05:52+00:00

Women put that in their dating profile because they think it will weed out men that have zero intentions of considering an LTR with them. Of course, it doesn't actually work so it's kind of pointless. If these same men were honest and said they're only interested in casual sex in their profiles, it would actually weed out tons of women so most men won't write that.

My sense is that most men are trying to get sex first and they are potentially open to an LTR with the right person if they catch feels. An LTR is not really at the forefront of their mind (as it frequently is for women) when men begin dating someone new. You might say that men should be more honest about their intentions but that would potentially shrink their dating pool by 95% or more. It's simply unrealistic to expect men to do that.

Initial_Chemical7121 · 2022-01-27T02:38:44+00:00

Marriage.

xcheshirecatxx · 2022-01-27T04:52:04+00:00

Where I live, people don't marry

We aren't religious in general anyway so

My parents are together since over 40 years. Still cute They never married. Was never worth the expense. They might do the paper work though because there are some pensions my mom wouldn't be able to access without marriage

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-01-27T00:02:26+00:00

It does mean marriage, but that word scares guys away.

foodforless · 2022-01-27T02:34:11+00:00

Marriage. Which is why I don't casually date. I don't see a point

EviessVeralan · 2022-01-27T03:22:41+00:00

At least for me it meant someone I wanted to marry and have children with.

gimpgirl555 · 2022-01-27T04:20:06+00:00

Long term? So do you mean… marriage?

I can't say for sure. But it's either there to not make them look like they're into sleeping around or it's code for betabuxx.

bagelsofsesame · 2022-01-27T06:06:18+00:00

I’m not sure that I’d ever write marriage even though it’s the ultimate long term relationship goal. Life just isn’t predictable in that way. Looking for a meaningful connection with someone I could be in a long term relationship with, and potentially end up marrying vs. I have no real intent to date for long or short term. But you can’t always know if you want to marry someone until it’s been long term. I don’t think anyone is dating with the goal of breaking up in 5 years. Just understanding that a long term relationship is the way to find that person you want to commit to “forever”.

Of course there are situations where people know right away- but still typically wait a couple years before making that decision or level of commitment.

Even though I might, ultimately, want something more serious- I still write I don’t know yet. Because I won’t actually know until I know. But that’s just my thinking.

Looking for something long term likely means intent to marry. It’s just not something that seems realistic to “plan” or “aim” for in that way. I just think life-partner/ you’re-my-person type love is more organic than that.

LaBelleSausages · 2022-01-27T07:17:52+00:00

I’m divorced. I am not looking to get married again as my husband committed adultery during a cancer biopsy I had, while I was pregnant with our daughter.

He took those vows, in a church, and yet although he was the one who decided to ignore them, I had to pay financially to be rid of him.

If you are a woman with assets (in the UK at least) then there is a whole lot of risk and very little reward to matrimony.

I am not saying I’ll never go down that road again but it would take someone very very special.

TEREKIKI · 2022-01-27T07:56:41+00:00

Years

funlightmandarin · 2022-01-27T09:38:02+00:00

Long-term for me means dating to find a forever-person, not something with a time limit. Dating for the sake of not being alone for x time period and breaking it off is just a waste of time for me; I don't think I could manage to let myself be 100% vulnerable with something I don't see lasting.

For me long-term means finding someone you're willing to grow with and share life with.

DontwantaFairOne · 2022-01-27T11:54:33+00:00

“I’m not wife material but don’t like pump & dumps” - translated for you

ginagj · 2022-01-27T23:17:29+00:00

Long term means until the day I die or he dies.

That’s what I’m aiming for with my partner right now.

Ride or die

orphileen · 2022-01-28T01:47:48+00:00

24F here. My goal is marriage. I wouldn't want to get emotionally invested and then call it quits.

I can't remember if I put long-term or not on my OLD profile (it's been 2 years since I dated), but I would usually just put "not into flings, one night stands, or casual dating" as a way of blatantly placing what I did NOT want. Still got some of those men in my inbox anyhow 😅

I guess I always thought long-term was meant to lead to potential marriage 😅

I was very new to dating and just caught on to the lingo that most were using and went with it myself. I honestly never thought much of it.

I can definitely see where you are coming from though. The "exclusive" tag was what tripped me. Like "why not just call ourselves bf/gf? or state we are in a relationship?" but you live and learn.

Sophiatab · 2022-01-28T16:50:48+00:00

Marriage until death do us part.

houstongradengineer · 2022-01-27T00:24:45+00:00

I'm not afraid of scaring cowardly men with the word 'marriage.' Obviously marriage is ideal and eventually it will be a standard that I apply to a long-term, established relationship. So, long--term applies before marriage. Usually between 6 months to 1.5 years of dating where thoughts about the future specifically between the 2 of you is intentionally and clearly laid out. It means you know what your partner thinks about retirement, financial planning, raising children, politics, religion, hobbies, etc. If all you know is what your partner likes to drink, listen to you, and have in the bedroom... you're not long-term. If someone is being evasive about future plans, not long term. Theoretically a forever gf is long term when it comes to time frame... but how can you say you're long term if you don't even discuss and come to agreement on the meaning of marriage or the compatiblory between the 2 of you? I mean that's more like a long-term free mommy/maid/nurse/purse/incubator/whatever. Not a relationship at all if you ask me.

nnylam · 2022-01-27T03:25:33+00:00

You can want something long term and not want marriage or something that lasts 'forever'. For me, longevity is no longer the marker of a good relationship, so I would definitely say something like that on my profile if I was looking. I feel jaded saying this, but I don't think it's realistic or good for people to be in a relationship 'for life'. So if I was saying I want something long term, I mean I want a deep, connected, intimate relationship that is great and working for both of us, until it no longer does and we can part ways as better, hopefully evolved people? Just ask them what it means, it's going to be different for everyone.

chalkandapples · 2022-01-27T00:05:49+00:00

It means leading to marriage. I find specific wording on these things don't matter much, people usually get what you're trying to say.

thetruthishere_ · 2022-01-27T01:20:17+00:00

To never date another person again. I dont need a piece of paper just commitment.

TomorrowsWar · 2022-01-27T01:49:05+00:00

It’s just another way to say no hookups, not interested in casual. That’s all

B0OBYHILL · 2022-01-27T02:23:15+00:00

IMO, seeking “marriage” can also lead to two people falling quickly into infatuation together - rather than love - over the idea of being married. Then quickly making that commitment before having the experience of a long term relationship to actually get to know each other or test compatibility.

Invictus_44 · 2022-01-27T00:21:19+00:00

Women are afraid to commit

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DXBrigade · 2022-01-27T00:51:32+00:00

it means LTR

ashpr0ulx · 2022-01-27T00:54:26+00:00

something serious versus something casual. what serious entails will vary from person to person

AbleHeight0 · 2022-01-27T01:00:39+00:00

I've always assumed "long term" meant looking for possibly lifetime. Marriage, the whole nine. Things might not work out, but that is what they're looking for and its easier to say that and let matches know they're looking for a relationship, possibly marriage down the line or at least a commitment similar to marriage and not just a FWB or one night stand.

divinedeviancy · 2022-01-27T04:17:25+00:00

It means a committed relationship not a casual hook up or FWB.

lonely_mixtape · 2022-01-27T09:03:15+00:00

by long term I would always mean, dating with marriage as the end goal. I would feel like saying marriage would come off a bit strong, and I don't want someone to feel like they're locked in or that we're engaged or smthn. It just means, I'm looking for a potential life partner. At least to me that's what it means.

Sensitive-Permit-877 · 2022-01-27T15:26:21+00:00

It means I want your time, resources and your status for a few years until im bored then I will leave with your resources due to laws.

Reisiluu · 2022-01-27T20:34:58+00:00

Marriage for the rest of our lives.

FrankyFurta · 2022-01-28T04:27:43+00:00

For me it means not a maximum but rather a cap of at least two years. I don't think any relationship should be socially lawbound by the beginning so that there is a bitter taste of forced love. I don't jump partners as some may think, I am absolutely happy to be single besides a relationship and I don't crave the sex, I just enjoy the time I have with a partner and discuss the end of a relationship if it makes sense in both of our eyes.

Title	Ladies, what does “something long-term” mean to you?
Author	ShinyBronze
Upvotes	45
Comments	236
Date	January 26, 2022 11:58 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/sdkb5l/ladies_what_does_something_longterm_mean_to_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/ladies-what-does-something-long-term-mean-to-you.1097370 https://theredarchive.com/post/1097370

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