When they tell you to settle for the guy’s attractiveness and the moment he levels up, he dumps you.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2022-01-26T07:30:07+00:00

Imagine the hell that would rain down if a woman said she was embarrassed to be seen in public with another woman because she had basic clothes and natural nails. Women have to stop telling girls to be non-judgemental towards "boys", because nobody is out there training the catty, superficial, judgemental behavior out of boys.

two_cat_morty · 2022-01-26T07:57:36+00:00

Imagine doing something because it's "the way to a man's heart".

Gotta change your entire worldview at that point, fam

frogchickenhorse · 2022-01-26T06:34:40+00:00

They are all users. I can understand alternating thru anger and sadness

InspectorGadget07 · 2022-01-26T12:00:47+00:00

Wow. The “I embarrass him by being too quiet/ introverted”

That one really hurts. Basically he’s saying- all along I thought you had an undynamic inferior beta personality i think has low social value that brings down my own stock by association. Your face is sorta ugly too and now that I’m the right size I feel you’re actually 10 lbs past prime. Oh and your job and what you’ve achieved career wise is kind of lame and low.

It’s a pretty low blow to try and say someone’s very personality embarrasses you merely by not being what you find ideal- unless they’re really acting out or doing something out of pocket that offends others

But it is something I have to be weary of. I have had men try to use my introversion and quietness to suggest I couldn’t be worth much or get someone else although I am pretty; which is a very low blow when you’ve already been dealing with them some time. I’ve also had it crop up in female friendships as a way to “one down” me, or play like I must not have anyone else and need them so much they can start acting up or being a little rude.

A lotttttt of people won’t say it upfront but actually view introverted personalities as inferior to them and kind of lame, not having as much social capital value etc. You only know when you get deeper in the friendship, relationship and little snide comments start coming out showing they feel superior to you on that basis. I run into it time and time again.

sikulet · 2022-01-26T06:16:04+00:00

So this starts with a female redditor asking for advise if she was in the wrong and bf was in the right for not sticking to a strict keto diet plan when the bf travelled to take care of parents who have Covid.

Apparently guy only picked a fight so they’d break up because he is ready to move on from his starter gf now that he has lost weight and girls started paying him attention.

AphoticEnigma_ · 2022-01-26T11:29:53+00:00

Nah never date ugly men, you gotta kiss that face lol

thebonecarrier · 2022-01-26T08:07:52+00:00

Oh hey it's literally all the things my cheating ex-husband said as he was leaving me for a girl ten years younger while I was home caring for our baby. Spoiler alert: they broke up!

Astral_weaver · 2022-01-26T06:29:00+00:00

I hope he becomes unattractive again after the breakup and no woman approaches him again. What an a-hole.

whiskey_and_oreos · 2022-01-26T06:44:18+00:00

Here's how this will actually play out: he moves back home and dates the other woman, she realizes he's a scrote within 3-6 months and dumps him, he moves into his parents' house and gains back all the weight and then some before crawling back to OP, who will by then be living her absolute best life and forgot he existed.

InternationalAd4964 · 2022-01-26T08:29:11+00:00

Seriously, the more I read posts like these, the less I care about men! Lately, I’ve been seeing (both) posts and real life cases of men using women and then leaving them once they feel they can do better. I refuse to build up a man for another woman.

InspectorGadget07 · 2022-01-26T11:54:18+00:00

Wow. So we have “your job is lame, your face is regrettable and your body is only ok, you’re actually a little overweight. Your personality embarrassed me by being too undynamic

Mysterious_Call_924 · 2022-01-26T07:27:25+00:00

So he wanted her to stick to a diet plan bc now he thinks he's all "hot", but really it was just an excuse to bodyshame her and try to get her to be the bad guy and leave him?

I literally know a girl who had a similar scenario happen to her. She was with this guy for TWO YEARS when he suddenly started telling her she was fat blah blah blah. She ended up quitting her job to WORK AT A GYM and developed an eating disorder.

Guess what? He was cheating on her with her apartment roommate!!!

Here's some life advice: You should always be mean. Straight up (I'll explain)

It sounds counter-intuitive, but you don't win any awards for being "nice". If a guy ever says you need to lose weight, or change yourself, or tries to insinuate you're the problem it's a ploy. He's messed up or he's doing something messed up and you should just cut your losses and ditch him

Men KNOW. They know what they are doing. They are not stupid buffoons.

This poor woman was probably killing herself trying to be "healthy" on this diet, thinking he was trying to help her "live a better lifestyle." Really he was just trying to beat her down and distract her from the fact he was going out on her.

Talia_Sunrise · 2022-01-26T06:25:41+00:00

This is horrendous and also terrifying. Somehow when I hear stories like this I am still in shock at how selfish, heartless, cruel, stupid, and shallow some men can be. The blatant truth about this scrote's character was clear at the very end, but what signs/red flags do you think a scrote with this type of psyche would display prior to losing weight?

ashleyrose56 · 2022-01-26T08:47:56+00:00

I feel so sorry for this poor woman😭. Thanks FDS for teaching me that men can and do stay with women that they don't really like just because they are the only ones giving them attention.

vbych76 · 2022-01-26T07:20:37+00:00

The thing with "settling" is that you ALWAYS lose. And I don't mean losing one scrote or the other. In most cases they're interchangeable. I mean losing yourself.

If you settle for someone with poor hygiene and no domestic habits, your life becomes a smelly pile of trash, contaminating every room with their touch. It's either that or overtaking the role of a full time cleaner.

If you settle for a person with no goals, who prefers pissing his life away with video games, you doom yourself from the start to be the main caretaker of everything. This or just take his example and do nothing of yourself too. He will gaslight you intentionally, discourage you everyday to start that education, to ask for that raise, to try anything outside of HIS comfort zone.

If you settle for a man that has no job, no savings or is up to his eyeballs in debt, rest assured, sooner or later he'll drag you in that too. And no 50/50 family budgeting and separate accounts will save you, when the debt collectors knock on the door or repossess the car. Or when your children are hungry and someone has to foot the bill.

AliceArcherLorde · 2022-01-26T10:42:03+00:00

Not kidding

This very similar thing happened to my girlfriend. He hooked up with her after leaving ten years monastic life. He got into Buddhism in the first place because he was struggling with mental illness and processing a loveless upbringing I think. Also, women didn't find him attractive in his 20s.

He left her for a younger woman at the school where he works. He told my friend that he 'never found her attractive and now is repulsed by her'. But he then played the 'poor sensitive me' card to the real estate agent to try get out of their shared lease!?!

butteryrum · 2022-01-26T08:04:37+00:00

Yeah, when a guy I dated started making an effort not to go to the gym as a couple when we lived together, was the beginning of the pit in my stomach I now recognize as "cheating bastard vibe."

AnniaT · 2022-01-26T14:53:05+00:00

What rules is this scrote talking about? I didn't understand. BTW it's very rare I see women becoming arrogant and cheat just because they became hot. But ugly or fat men get insufferable when they become hot.

myheartisfulloflove · 2022-01-26T16:52:37+00:00

This is why I made this thread, y’all. THIS is why we need to vet and find out if he was a loser before because men always have that revenge fantasy to absolutely destroy an innocent woman to make up for all the time lost in his past due to social rejection and loneliness.

I’m heartbroken for this woman but I really hope she feels better soon and levels up with a man who was never a dweeb back then, or at the very least, sought help and peace over his issues before dating women.

NotSoBunny · 2022-01-26T12:08:43+00:00

The ugly ones are most likely to betray you. Simply because they have this idea in their head that something is owed to them from society or some crap. The problem is they have never had any attention, so now they want it all and they convince themselves that they deserve it. (Blah blah blah he was rejected, blah blah blah such a betrayal not to be handed shit on a platter.)

Never settle. The "safest" choice is an illusion.

ilovegunter · 2022-01-26T08:40:40+00:00

Happens way too frequently, barb the builder back at it again

asocialsocialite · 2022-01-26T18:16:57+00:00

NEVER EVER settle for an ugly man.

They don't hate that they're unattractive. They hate that high-status women won't go for them and that they can't treat women like shit the way that attractive men are said to do because women won't give them the time of day.

Also, I've found that ugly men will often do women the dirtiest.

spicey_Thot · 2022-01-26T06:24:55+00:00

Thats awful. He's an ass :/

aslirakhisawant · 2022-01-26T09:25:44+00:00

Went to attend a wedding, a LV relative broke up with his ex as soon as he dropped the weight. I wouldn't have made the connection had it not been for FDS. Now he's doing all the scrotery with zero accountability.

BrightIdeaGenerator · 2022-01-26T18:38:23+00:00

At least she learned. She said at the end that she wouldn't be so understanding and accomadating and supportive next time. I just saw my brother, who I had preveiously HOPED was HV was had been logically also seen some worrying traits, abandon his wife when he got more attrative and started earning more money. Yup. They're all the same. Have high standards, ladies. They don't respect you for loving them. They are incapable of non-transactional love.

Yassss-Queen · 2022-01-26T13:45:45+00:00

Wow, this really hit home for me. My ex leveled up financially big time (600k €) and afterwards his demeanor slowly changed until he became so mean I couldn’t take it anymore and broke up with him. I’m quite wealthy for my age too (~150k €), but I’m honestly convinced he felt too “rich” for me from that point onwards. Whereas I was with him when he was broke AF and didn’t mind going 50/50 on everything, even after he got the money. Reason being was that I didn’t treat him when I was the “rich one” in the relationship 🤡 I was a forever GF as well btw. Honestly, I thought I’d marry this guy, and if this money hadn’t come his way I’m pretty sure I’d eventually gotten proposed to with a shut up ring and would’ve been happy with it as well. Sooo thankful to FDS and that I found it after the breakup!

Equal-Ear2312 · 2022-01-26T18:27:36+00:00

If he wouldn't date himself, u don't have to either.

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2022-01-26T13:26:19+00:00

I dated a guy who was a bit podgy, but I didn’t actually care as he was tall and I liked his personality, so I thought he was hot. However, he was obsessed with his weight, and after he “had me” for a few months, he started to lose weight (I think initially to keep up with me as I’m pretty health conscious and slim). Anyway, he lost a whole pile of weight and hoooly crap did he start acting like a TOTAL douche. Suddenly very contemptuous towards me, talked down to me all the time when I tried to just join a conversation. Suddenly he was also very unavailable. Ogling women very obviously in front of me when we went out. It was like a switch just flipped. Dragged me along to his friends houses without asking, and wouldn’t speak a word to me all night. When I did speak, he would just shut me down with a rude tone like I said something stupid. Most of his friends were awful people too, but one of them even intervened at one point saying “no, it’s marzipans turn to talk”.

So, even if you are attractive and you like them for who they are but they are not confident in their attractiveness, they will do the same and treat you like shit.

You can’t win in that situation.

Sewud · 2022-01-26T07:44:30+00:00

I'm no longer surprised lol. It's so rare actual good men who can love back.

Can we talk about how men are the real hypergamous gender?

I think we've all had men suck up to us who were fatter, poorer, older. They like me because I'm nice and I accept them. But one day I started asking if they'd feel the same if the situation was reversed. If they were rich or I was older or I was fat. They reply of course not. They couldn't make a life with a woman 10 years older than them. If they were rich they'd be aiming higher. If I was fat or bald that'd be an immediate no because they wouldn't be attracted.

It's funny how they only like me because I'm a younger/richer/thinner/taller/prettier/smarter woman who doesn't judge them for their flaws and that makes them feel good, but they would never extend that sort of acceptance if the roles were reversed.

1x9x1x7 · 2022-01-26T13:54:59+00:00

I've seen it discussed elsewhere here before, but I think this really relates to LVM's own insecurity and how they see themselves. They are insecure and don't see highly of themselves and thus if you think highly of them, they basically don't respect you because they think you're a loser for seeing something in them. Just look at the way he insults her - she took him for who he was in spite of his physical appearance and what does he say about her in return? That he was always embarrassed by her, and he also LITERALLY SAYS IT HIMSELF that he only "settled" for her because she was nice to him. He clearly was insecure about how he looked before and I'm certain that part of the reason he looks down on her is that he feels she's lame/embarrassing for even giving him the time of day - because he wouldn't do that to a girl he thought was ugly...unless he could get something out of her, which I'm sure is also contributing to his negative feelings, he might think she likewise was also using him for something.

It's not just about not settling for someone you don't find attractive, but not settling for someone who is so deeply insecure in themselves that they take it out on you. I'm guessing there were red flags or warning signs, concerning statements made by the bf, etc. that came up before all this.

englishgirl · 2022-01-26T14:46:08+00:00

Happens all the time. You see it in celebrities so much - Chris Pratt, Jason Momoa etc that they get hotter or more famous and then leave as they think they can do better now.

A lot of men suck.

Acceptable-Respond54 · 2022-01-27T00:05:37+00:00

In an extreme example, weight loss and attitude change always remind me of Chris Watts. If your man goes from not exercising to gym rat for no apparent reason… he’s for the streets

Lucylu0909 · 2022-01-26T15:12:52+00:00

THIS. Anytime I’ve given a “less attractive” guy a chance, they’re the ones who have screwed me over the worst.

Elena1684 · 2022-01-26T15:19:21+00:00

I’m old and married down. He was fat and I was a gym rat. 30 years later he loses 50 pounds and I gain 40. He looks amazing and I’m a middle aged blob. Of course he was cheating (duh) and leaves me for her. So happy, tan, thin and I was devastated.

In no time he aged 10 years, gotten fat, his hair is fully gray now and receding. He’s a full blown alcoholic so he’s got that bloat now.

I lost the weight, got a new haircut, new clothes and look way better now than I did when I was with him.

englishgirl · 2022-01-26T14:43:31+00:00

Eurgh happened to me. Dated a guy back in college who was not conventionally attractive but who I thought was funny and amazing. Friends couldn't understand, as I was a head turner and thought I could do better. Head over heels at first, acts likes he's the luckiest guy to be dating me.

2 years in he loses weight, gets new clothes, hair cut etc. Suddenly has lots of female friends, going to parties without me, I'm no longer good enough / too clingy as I can feel him pulling away. I break up with him because I feel deflated with the constant put downs and his waning interest. Not a week later he was sleeping with one of the friends he'd sworn there was nothing with.

lybid8 · 2022-01-26T17:50:06+00:00

Homely looking men being nicer is such a lie, time and time again I’ve seen people who have always been attractive display higher morals and greater general kindness/selflessness. People who are or used to be ugly may appear more agreeable at first, but are generally the most judgemental, jaded, picky, and selfish group I’ve ever met.

karma-chips · 2022-01-26T18:20:27+00:00

I hope this Lisa destroys him one way or another.

The_Cat_Empress · 2022-01-27T00:35:41+00:00

"I guess next time I won't be so damn accommodating"

HELL YEAH SIS!

Like...I'm sorry you had to deal with this asshat, but the silver lining is his arrogance blew his mask off clean his face and he spilled everything. DIPSHIT!

Hopefully she takes this time to heal and when he comes crawling back after gaining the weight back she just laughs in his face.

PuzzleheadedMiddle44 · 2022-01-26T18:24:33+00:00

Damn, sounds familiar but add on a baby. Oh, and I had to move during the pandemic with my one year old.

Men do not love or experience feeling the same way women do. Men have mediums to a) feed their dick or b) feed their ego. And once their romantic supply stops being able to fulfill them it’s adios.

Yesiamawomanok · 2022-01-27T00:28:23+00:00

Ladies, men do not date and marry for love they date because they feel it’s necessary, men get picked on if they are single, and can’t pull. So that’s why a lot of them settle and date women temporarily.

Raw-Tigers-Eye · 2022-01-26T14:41:38+00:00

Honestly he seems like an insecure loser

He had to validate himself and his weight loss by seeing if women besides his partner wanted to fuck him. Honestly, good riddance cause that is a child

InformerOfDeer · 2022-01-26T16:40:47+00:00

These types of guys always end up projecting their insecurities onto their gfs and then wonder why they leave them

dkwantsdk · 2022-01-26T22:56:27+00:00

Has the OP of this tragic story been sent a link to FDS yet?

quirkypinkllama · 2022-01-29T02:35:39+00:00

the WORST thing a woman can be is accommodating. because he will push that boundary further and further until he pushes you right out of his world. take notes, ladies.

Title	When they tell you to settle for the guy’s attractiveness and the moment he levels up, he dumps you.
Author	sikulet
Upvotes	811
Comments	95
Date	January 26, 2022 6:13 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/scz4ya/when_they_tell_you_to_settle_for_the_guys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/when-they-tell-you-to-settle-for-the-guys.1097489 https://theredarchive.com/post/1097489

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