Is "stealth wealth" a bad idea for someone who wants love?

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-04-19T13:30:10+00:00

I would recommend it to everyone who can practice it. It's not even about people looking to exploit your wealth. It's about lifestyle inflation. Living below your means allows you to save and invest more to make sure you can do things like travel and retire early.

Flashing wealth isn't necessary to find love.

gladusgates · 2022-04-19T11:56:55+00:00

It’s a matter of discovery versus disclosure. You only show her just enough without throwing it in her face. The RP does not go against stealth wealth necessarily. Display your wealth without bragging, and even more, let her discover it on her own.

Diabetes9111 · 2022-04-19T12:07:43+00:00

An otherwise average or unattractive man who is rich that practices stealth wealth is also going to have a stealth sex life.

athlete2biz · 2022-04-19T14:39:05+00:00

flash wealth for one night stands

stealth wealth when looking for longterm relationships.

this works if you arent reliant on one way of meeting woman (dating apps for example)

but if you are ugly and/or have weak social skills you probably are better off just flashing it lol

Karmanger · 2022-04-19T13:44:46+00:00

A wealthy man who shows everyone how much money he makes just becomes a target. Especially to anyone in the FDS crowd, The people you attract with wealth aren't going to see you...for...you. I think the stealth wealth crowd do it because they are looking for love.

They want to be valued for more than their money, just as women want to be valued for more than their looks.

If you never been victim to a gold digger I can see why you would think stealth wealth is a disadvantage.

redditinoid · 2022-04-19T12:56:20+00:00

no it is not a bad idea. counterintuitive but stealth wealth is the better way

NockerJoe · 2022-04-19T15:45:09+00:00

It’s pretty much a “new money” thing to flaunt wealth and is a sign that someone is trying to signal with it

gagalinabee · 2022-04-19T14:01:11+00:00

Better than stealth poorness

Mark_Freed · 2022-04-19T13:40:54+00:00

I think it's best to lead with lower middle class persona and as a first level filter don't attract people because of your wealth.

You should have other stuff to offer to your partner. The first filter is "will this person love and stay with me even if I didn't have all this wealth. Do I have enough to offer independent of my wealth"

Later as your relationship gets more serious you need to be upfront and talk about your wealth.

That's the second filter. Just like people can like you primarily for wealth. There are people who didn't like you for your wealth but will treat you different once they find out.

You can't keep it secret forever. Hanging out with that kind of people, etiquette, raising kids who can handle being born into wealth, not letting it get to your head, not abusing the wealth, not losing it all, etc. So the second filter will check if they can handle being the partner of and having partial ownership of such wealth.

Money can also ruin lives.

social_mule · 2022-04-19T15:18:18+00:00

Stealth wealth is a good idea for anyone. In the world of dating it preemptively weeds out the gold diggers.

midwesternMD · 2022-04-19T12:38:01+00:00

It’s not necessarily completely hiding your wealth. It’s just not using material possessions/wealth to attract women. Sure, I could wear a flashy timepiece, drive a luxury car, flaunt my career, etc. And this would attract women. But this would primarily attract gold digging types. If this is the caliber of women you desire, then flaunt all you want. For me, those women are only good for sex. And I’d be terrified of them poking holes in condoms/etc. Not worth it, in my opinion.

PM_ME_ZED_BARA · 2022-04-19T12:43:39+00:00

Generally in dating I represent myself like how I live alone. This means I don’t intentionally obscure my wealth nor flaunt it. I want to give my potential date an accurate picture of how I expect to spend money for us. I don’t want to build up expectations that won’t be consistently met.

Thanks to our parents’ wealth, my brother and I are considered upper-middle class in my country. My brother spends more than I do, like how many UMC people do. His soon-to-be wife is similar.

On the other hand, I save a lot of money. I often have my meals at cheap places. My boyfriend is similar in this regard. He makes less than I do and would be considered middle class.

Just be mindful that how you signal your wealth will have effects on types of people you attract and that how long you can maintain that signal might affect how long your relationship will last.

sabiinvesting · 2022-04-19T13:47:23+00:00

Stealth wealth is often actually a better idea if one wants to avoid gold diggers, and one wants to be liked for other traits rather than money.

AmbitiousHornet · 2022-04-19T14:43:24+00:00

I am retired and a millionaire. I live in an apartment and work at a national grocery store. I really don't want people to know how much I'm worth. I do drive to me what is a very nice car, paid cash for it, and paid cash for three new motorcycles over the last two years. I currently have three income streams. But I am more than a paycheck and believe that being a HVM is more than just about how much money has. If fact, I would promote a new term to differentiate between them, one can be a HVM or a HDM (high dollar man) and the two can be combined in one person.

Now any woman that sees me working would assume that the grocery store pay is what I'm living on. They might pleasantly find out that I have other income sources and can afford to take them out somewhere nice. So I practice a form of stealth wealth, for having been married and divorced once, I know just how expensive unhappy endings are and I will not put my current wealth at risk, even if marriage was on the table.

techr0nin · 2022-04-19T15:11:53+00:00

If you are attractive, practicing stealth wealth can help you screen out gold diggers.

If you are unattractive, then you might have to be ostentatious and hope for the best.

Personally though I prefer quality but subtle/lowkey rather than looking like a poor person.

TheSnowyPlover · 2022-04-19T16:00:59+00:00

Women (especially ones who have their own shit together) want to see that you have your life together as a sort precursor to entering in a relationship with you. This might include you have a house, car, and the ability to afford things like eating out.

Stealth wealth shouldn’t be equivalent to looking like you’re struggling or poor—it should really just be the avoidance of flashy displays of wealth, which are what will attract the sort of materialistic women you fear. Nevertheless most women will want to see that you’re living comfortably to consider you a dating prospect

FrankieGGG · 2022-04-19T16:29:58+00:00

RP doesn’t advocate flaunting your wealth? It literally praises the opposite. Attracting women via personality, muscles, and game. In fact, flaunting your wealth is heavily criticized as it’s a very Beta way of attracting women.

Kyonkanno · 2022-04-19T17:05:53+00:00

Stealth wealth doesn't mean you have to look like a hobo. Just having a paid off regular house and your shit together attracts.

wtknight · 2022-04-19T13:08:17+00:00

What this suggests then is that stealth wealth only works for those who do not want love e.g. a wealthy man who practices stealth wealth may go to see escorts or visit brothels regularly.

This isn’t true. Many women don’t care how much money that a guy makes as long as he isn’t destitute.

2022-04-19T15:20:27+00:00

I am a woman who practices stealth wealth everyday of my life. No one knows and no one needs to know...this is just common sense. Otherwise you get jealous friends or moochers.

Matt_Door · 2022-04-19T15:11:51+00:00

Your status and wealth is a part of who you are, like it or not, and as a man it is better to use your advantages and assets. Its almost necessary to display them. This goes beyond sexual relations.

It’s how they are displayed that makes the difference. A gaudy or ostentatious display will draw the wrong people. Subtle markers will signal who you are to the “right” people (tribe, class, sub culture, whatever) and help you find each other.

giddy-girly-banana · 2022-04-19T14:56:03+00:00

I disagree with the second part of this hypothesis, the trauma of the wealthy class. The wealthy could flaunt their wealth through philanthropy, but instead they spend it on luxury goods. They’re not traumatized, they’re narcissistic and greedy.

edgyny · 2022-04-19T12:05:16+00:00

As far as I know "High Value Man" isn't necessarily about wealth. It certainly can be, but it's not the only mode of value. In terms of seeking "love" it really depends on what someone wants. Extreme displays of wealth attract gold diggers and perhaps someone who seeks sex workers might do well with a gold digger. Faking wealth is probably a good way to attract naive gold diggers.

Play_Muted · 2022-04-19T14:05:46+00:00

I think stealth wealth is a good idea for someone who wants love. that way you know they arent in it for the money. im probably going to be a high earner and im going to inherit couple of things but I dont think I will ever show my wealth before marriage.

Noodles_R · 2022-04-19T14:23:34+00:00

I think stealth wealth can bring a certain swagger to people who perhaps wouldn't otherwise stand out lookswise. Confidence is very attractive regardless of looks, and having money behind you can give you that.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-04-19T16:52:25+00:00

I would say just live your life and go for moderation, don’t hide your wealth or flaunt it. If you go out of your way to show off, you’ll attract gold diggers and shallow people and look a bit silly to the rest. If you pretend to be poor when you have lots of money, you’re not really going to get to enjoy your money, and you’re basically just a miser hoarding your wealth for... who knows what. Personally, I don’t want a guy who’s too obsessed with money in any regard, either spending and flaunting or penny-pinching and hoarding it. I believe in a balance between living within your means and enjoying life before you’re too old to. But I’m thinking from a long-term, marriage perspective. If you just want to have hookups, it doesn’t really matter if you attract gold-diggers.

QuenchlessGato · 2022-04-19T18:00:28+00:00

On paper, "stealth wealth" is a good idea because you get the other party to focus on your other qualities which would make them love _you_ and not your possessions. So you get to filter out gold diggers and women who just want to get some BB on the hook.

However, there are two problems with stealth. The first is that your wealth actually shows your value as a person - that you are hard-working, successful, goal-oriented, etc. and these are values that you would like to show to your dates. The other problem is that stealth by its nature is based on deceit, and when the your partner realizes that you have not been fully honest about yourself and been concealing stuff, that may be taken as a proof that you are a liar, manipulative and all sorts of bad things. Nobody wants to build a relationship on a lie.

RinoaRita · 2022-04-19T19:47:05+00:00

There’s a huge difference between getting things because you just loooove it and getting things because you’re hoping someone will notice. If you love cars and driving them go for it. You do you. Ignore the haters who say you’re doing it to be flashy.

If you know jack shit about cars but you heard this one is expensive and you hope it’ll impress someone then that will also be clear and attract the exactly wrong type of person that can smell rich and insecure.

Remarkable_Ad_2469 · 2022-04-19T22:59:20+00:00

Pretty sure if you just had the normal things in life that people have like a decent car , modest home and you look presentable . You are not showing extreme wealth by having normal adulting things, which will gain you access towards finding a partner who thinks that you're able to maintain as an adult , being responsible.

woyspawn · 2022-04-20T04:26:53+00:00

However, among the RP or FDS community there is the concept of a "high value man" and this seems to go against stealth wealth. RP/FDS seems to suggest that men should show off their high value if they want to attract a partner for a relationships and for love.

Wealth is relative. You can be wealthy enough for some lucky girl while still being stealth.

robot_bones · 2022-04-20T05:05:56+00:00

You don't want to be around people that respond to wealth signals. Use them for financial strategy but for quality human connections, those kind of people are poor in spirit and not what you want in your inner circle. Anyways, wealth only goes so far to look like a high value man. It's not as valued as you may think. Strong responders to it are vampires. Or looking for fun (and could of course, be a decent person; roll the dice)

What's RP and FDS?

Blaphrodite · 2022-04-20T10:52:53+00:00

Wealth you can hide.

Class you can’t.

I’ve tried the poor look but, high end mannerisms give me dead away. But then I’m female.

I can imagine this would harder for a guy. The quality of your conversations will set you apart.

You don’t even have to live in the most expensive home or drive a Porsche. If you’ve got class, you got class. And thirsty people can smell it a mile away.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-04-19T12:42:56+00:00

The more you flash wealth, the more you will attract women who have high expectations of men to spend money on them. You think men sexually objectify women? Wait until you are wealth objectified.

AelfredRex · 2022-04-19T15:26:12+00:00

Forget what Redpillers say. They're just insecure and desperate. All that talk of "low value/high value" is just conformist bullshit. You are the value you set upon yourself.

Rich people love to play "I got more than you got" with other rich people. It's all a "dick size" competition using bank accounts and property purchases. The millionaire is jealous of the multi-millionaire who is jealous of the billionaire.... the Curse of Gold.

RealNiceLady · 2022-04-19T12:49:43+00:00

My approach to wealth is to avoid the traps of hiding or flaunting it. Stealth wealth may be a bad idea for some men, especially finance bros, because their wealth is the main thing that makes them attractive. Without their wealth, they are just some average looking guy with a weird personality.

Diabetes9111 · 2022-04-19T15:30:00+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Freevoulous · 2022-04-19T13:53:36+00:00

I have only personal anecdote to share.

Im relatiatively succesful with women on my own near-Chad looks levels and very high extrovertness. I never had the reason to display wealth, and always suspected it to be a bad idea..

So basically I was always practicing Stealth Wealth except for the parts that directly help me look good or get laid (gym, barber, decent clothes, cab fare, drinks).

Another thing I noticed is that a man benefits greatly from Stealth Intelligence/Obfuscating Stupidity. Don't show off what your brain is capable of, unless you have to.

For the last 15 years I have been treated as a moneyless brainless Chad, and used only for dick and entertainment. Im actually quite well off, and realtively brainy, but benefit greatly from women not knowing it.

AquaChip · 2022-04-19T14:19:52+00:00

No it’s the best way. You weed out people who want to use you. It’s the same for women. If you’re a slut don’t act like a slut or dress like a slut. You’ll avoid being used by men who want to put you in a category.

Taipanshimshon · 2022-04-19T13:01:00+00:00

I mean ... What are we talking about?. riding a bus instead of having a driver use your Bentley?

It's low class to flash wealth. But some sweatshirt and jean combinations.can run several thousand dollars without having brand names all over them.

It's a filtering mechanism

2022-04-19T23:39:12+00:00

I have a pretty good net worth and am in community with men who have much more. Only low value women are attracted to flashy forms of wealth (cars, clothes, jewelry, etc, giant mcmansion, etc). High value women who come from high value families with real net worth inherently know how to read if you have real money. Instead of the size of your home, they'll look for high value education, position, behavior and habits. What college/degree do you have? What neighborhood is your home in (a big house, 45 min away from a city center can cost half as much as half the house, and they know this)? Do you curse and speak profanely about people? Do you have self control and emotional health? Are you generous? Is your community stable and filled with educated people in professional positions? Do you keep yourself well groomed and washed? THESE are the things high value women look at! The only two things all women will look at and judge harshly are your shoes and your watch.

VeryHappyYoungGirl · 2022-04-19T14:09:02+00:00

I am going to go out on a limb here and say that anyone that follows FDS is a Low Value Woman. They think they are having high standards, but what they are actually doing is making sexual relationships transactional. They are literally prostitutes pimping themselves out.

Frankly, how you should display wealth is really dependent on your goals. Do you want a partner of equal status? live non-flashily within your means and date equals. Want a huge power imbalance in your favor? be flashy and peacock your status. Want a "diamond in the rough" that isn't concerned with wealth at all? totally hide your wealth.

sarkington · 2022-04-19T15:23:12+00:00

It can be seen as a sort of lying by omission, but ymmv

Medi-Monkey · 2022-04-19T13:55:56+00:00

Flaunt it. If you don't then expect the same results as when you were broke.

Some girls literally just want to be wined and dined, and then brought back home. They are attracted to the idea of stability and resources (this has been a thing since forever its not something new).

But keep in mind nothing lasts forever look no further than Will Smith

GlowingAsItDazzles · 2022-04-19T14:18:32+00:00

you will simply only attract women of the class youre pretending to be and lower to "love", and if thats who you want to have kids with and present to the world then go ahead

Hoopy223 · 2022-04-19T13:15:46+00:00

I’m sure every redditor who can’t get girls has a “wealth” problem.

No idea why a guy would hide his wealth from women since its a huge attractor. Also women can sniff it out, they will wonder if you are a cheapskate since you have bucks yet don’t spend em etc.

LowCreddit · 2022-04-19T19:32:44+00:00

TRP specifically says to avoid being seen as a provider. That doesn't mean pretending to be poor, but announcing yourself as a doctor, lawyer, or engineer is a great way to get a "no sex til marriage" line from women trying to look like wife material.

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brk_1 · 2022-04-19T13:37:42+00:00

look there isnt an dumb rich(maybe an heiress but thats other thing).

there is levels in wealth and education, the real problem is when you can get an pair.

you have college degree find another woman with college degree.

you are a blue collar working class try to get the same.

i guess you can make it work an tier above or below.

after this is problems, so you dont have to hide or pretend just have people skills to evaluate

poppy_blu · 2022-04-19T15:48:05+00:00

First off, wealthy men like the respect they get from other men and society in general, not just women. This is why most flaunt it (and why they’re driven to become wealthy in the first place).

Second, yes. A man who is concerned about gold diggers can practice so called stealth wealth. He can also try other methods of vetting whether a woman is after his money without actively trying to hide his wealth — not spending tons of money on her (if she keeps asking why he’s not buying her expensive stuff and why can’t they go on exotic vacations, red flag), asking for a prenup (if she balks, red flag), just not committing at all, etc.

Third, what do sex workers have to do with this topic? Do they charge men based on what they think they can afford?

Hungry-Adagio2152 · 2022-04-19T16:23:18+00:00

With regards to De Botton’s quote…the Ferrari driver may actually just be someone who likes the way it drives. Not everyone who drives these types of cars is purchasing them because they want a luxury status symbol…sometimes a cigar is just a cigar

kaizenkin · 2022-04-19T16:26:52+00:00

I've learned working in B2B some of the richest people don't show wealth much and are very private.

When you do, you make yourself a target.

2022-04-19T16:58:22+00:00

I’ve never understood the whole “get rich to attract women”. You’ve got a glorified prostitute using you for your money, how is this just not being a Betabuxx in the end?

You’re better off getting money to get various surgeries and a good personal trainer/nutritionist to make yourself into the vision of what most women agree is attractive. If you remain your ugly or average self, your sports car, your Rolex, your mansion are what she finds attractive.

Looks are what you are, money is what you have.

activatebarrier · 2022-04-19T17:25:28+00:00

When I first dated my gf we both disclosed our finances, I told her I had over at least 100k in savings, so she assumed I was in the 100k range. Reality I was closer to 1m, which she found out 6 months later. Was a pleasant surprise, but she didn't date me because of money

TUKINDZ · 2022-04-19T18:28:09+00:00

If you're looking for a real long term relationship stealth wealth is likely to keep your dating prospects more inclined toward actual connection and Less materialistic, but it will keep you off the radar of most modern, hot girl summer, big city type chicks.

So you might slay less.

The RP believes that almost all women these days aren't worth a damn, so why bother looking for a unicorn and hiding your wealth. Live your life how you want, bang all the hoes, dont take any seriously.

Katatonicsnake · 2022-04-19T18:45:00+00:00

My husband was like that when we met. It was great, because I hate spending money on flashy things. We have similar spending habits, even though our reasons are a bit different. I only want wealth to feel secure and have some freedom, but other people don’t need to know anything about it. They can check my income (it’s public information in my country), if they want.

So I guess you have to consider what you want. If you want to attract people who are attracted by your wealth, you should probably show your wealth. If you want something else, then maybe not.

Caring_Cactus · 2022-04-19T18:48:51+00:00

It's totally up to the individual, I think the term "poor" is misleading, people can be full of money without living a life of vanity to attract people, like what you see on YouTube. This doesn't mean you can't buy quality and nice things in your life, like everyone else does. I know a couple people who practice stealth wealth, they live an honest and good life, and are smart to keep financial dealings out of relationships with others.

Those who seek vanity I think are attention seekers, which for some is their choice, nothing inherently wrong with that, but as you also pointed out in your post may also be a possible sign of self-esteem issues.

spunkystoic · 2022-04-19T21:28:07+00:00

What's the difference between a man flaunting finances and another flaunting physical assets?

UNCOMFORTABLE TRUTH:

They're both equally shallow but the powers that be in the western world (i.e. Disney, Hollywood, Fashion, etc.) have convinced it's denizens that one shallow trait is inherently morally superior than the other.

Zurevu · 2022-04-19T22:56:38+00:00

Thank you for starting this discussion. It has been crossposted to the new sub, r/AllAboutWealth.

Apprehensive_Boat_70 · 2022-04-19T23:48:57+00:00

However, if this man wanted love and not just sex with a sex worker, does he need to abandon stealth wealth in order to advertise himself as a high value man?

You think being "loved" for ur money is real love? If thats so you re better off just paying prostitutes and escorts, you will be treated better like that.

Willow-girl · 2022-04-19T23:50:52+00:00

If you have money, women will be able to smell it on you. Thousands of years of evolution enable us to do this. Don't try to beat the system -- it doesn't work.

Also, the De Botton quote is silly, IMO. People buy expensive luxury good for reasons other than to impress members of the opposite sex. Maybe the Ferrari-owner wants a car that goes really fast? Or that has styling that is pleasing to his eye? It's not all about getting laid.

throwaway164_3 · 2022-04-20T03:15:44+00:00

I totally recommend it.

On okcupid, before I met my current GF, I removed my education and job from my Profile. Even the first few dates were very low key (coffee, hiking, etc) and I was careful to hide my income.

I got 10x less matches, but those few I met in person were much better people until I eventually met my current GF.

The main drawback is that you’ll get waaaay less matches. Can be very frustrating. It’s education + height (and race but that’s another discussion) that’s the most important factors on okcupid, bumble, CMB, etc

TendieTrades · 2022-04-20T15:43:43+00:00

You don’t want to be pursued or liked only for your money. That’s a fact.

quinn9648 · 2022-04-20T16:41:00+00:00

This does remind me of a quote:

“money talks, wealth whispers”

Not sure where I heard this, or who said it, but I think it’s valuable to know. Using wealth to attract others is attracting a shallow person. You may attract more partners, but are they quality people? Not likely.

Endlessly chasing others by luring then in with material wealth is a waste of your emotional and financial resources.

Edit: can someone explain what this “high value” and “low value” male ideology is? I am not familiar with that.

Top-Science4419 · 2022-04-21T17:52:56+00:00

You should never let anyone know how much you have.

Title	Is "stealth wealth" a bad idea for someone who wants love?
Author	hodlbtcxrp
Upvotes	79
Comments	156
Date	April 19, 2022 11:54 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/u73d1a/is_stealth_wealth_a_bad_idea_for_someone_who/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-stealth-wealth-a-bad-idea-for-someone-who-wants.1112081 https://theredarchive.com/post/1112081

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