You're just not compatible with each other

Slipthe · 2022-05-27T15:53:14+00:00

People don't know what they want.

Bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

And this is precisely why both men and women can be hypergamous. They want to see their future before they end their current one.

Or, it's less about incompatibility and more about just a general envy for everything you don't have. The happiest person isn't the one who has the most, but is the most content with what they have.

MarBitt · 2022-05-27T16:39:55+00:00

Let's say you built a house. It took you five years of hard work and cost a lot of money. Then the neighbors start making loud music. Would you just leave the house immediately and you will never return? Or would you try to find a way to get rid of the problem (loud noise) and keep your house?

Why do you think the relationship you built for 5 years is less valuable than the house you built for five years?

Ok-Map-7596 · 2022-05-27T16:19:30+00:00

But if I leave how can I play the victim and complain about my partner?

HanselGretel1993 · 2022-05-27T16:35:28+00:00

I have no issues with people leaving at any time for any reason. I just have issues when they don't bother to communicate that and then start ignoring you and hating on you for wanting to talk about it... No one is entitled to anything... But everyone deserves some basic respect. Especially from someone you had a thing with.

What made me not sleep at night wasn't that we weren't compatible with each other or that she didn't like me. It was that she just ignored me after all those moments. And now she doesn't allow me to go to a public skate park where she usually goes to. A public skatepark that is right next to my house...

I am through with her... And I no longer wish to talk about what happened... But now that I want to learn how to inline skate... I can't fucking go there! I went there last time to buy some protective gear and to ask if they gave lessons. She was there. I tried to act normal and even said hi to her. I even gave her a token of mine, which would act as an inside joke so as to break the ice and bury the hatchet. After all these months I thought things would be calmer... Nope. They are even worse. She just ignored me in front of another girl and when asked about it she said to her she was ignoring me on purpose...

That fucking hurt.

Why burn bridges? I get burned too. Now I look like a creep and can't go to a skate park I really wanted to go that is right next to my house and will have to learn how to inline skate on my own on the street. If she just acted cool about it and would nicely or bluntly tell me to go my merry way things wouldn't have turned out like this.

Just communicate with people. No one is perfect... But without communication things just get worse...

I am not perfect. I had and have many issues and I would understand people not wanting to be with me for those reasons. But I always tried to communicate. Even If I am a bad communicator. She wasn't that into it. But at the same time... Just when I was about to forget her and move on... She would give me some kind of signal and act interested... Then out of the blue, she would ignore me again (maybe because I wasn't acting as she expected)... And the cycle went on and on...

cuckedalt · 2022-05-27T15:49:32+00:00

People are complaining about not being compatible with ANYONE though. They literally don't have a choice

Orange_Paisley · 2022-05-27T16:46:58+00:00

It's not always as easy as "just leave." Perhaps there are children involved. Perhaps your finances are intermingled. And some people, despite not being 100% compatible, genuinely love each other and don't want to just leave, they want to work it out. It's why you have conversations and come to compromises like adults instead of just taking your ball and going home like a mad kid on a playground.

Aviadcool111 · 2022-05-27T16:32:52+00:00

It gets tricky when as human beings we have a limited amount of time to find someone who we are compatible with, you also have to take into account that at least in my opinion most people don't grow from failed relationships they just acquire baggage, and when people have the mindset that they can just switch out when anything goes wrong they may end up just hopping from one relationship/fwb/ons to another without really figuring out what it takes to make a relationship last. Everybody who I know who has been married their entire lives knows that there are ups and downs and if you always leave at the down you will never find true companionship. This being said there are of course reasons why people leave relationships a good one would be actual physical abuse for example.

jayval90 · 2022-05-27T20:46:47+00:00

Just leave. Problem solved.

This is an incredibly toxic viewpoint. Leaving doesn't solve anything. 90 percent of the time "incompatibility" just means that one or both of you are being toxic people. Generally what makes you a good person to be around for one person usually makes you a good person to be around for another.

Fix your dang issues. Running away from your problems isn't a solution. It just makes things worse, and it makes you a worse person because you're looking at the door rather than at a way to actually fix your issues.

blue_eyes18 · 2022-05-27T21:19:29+00:00

We’re afraid of being alone with our thoughts and learning to sit with ourselves, so we choose poor company over no company. We’re somehow convinced that something bad is better than nothing at all.

sarkington · 2022-05-27T15:54:13+00:00

I was told you’re supposed to lower your standards, settle, sacrifice, struggle, compromise and forgive or something

Wow, relationships sound awesome

baresquad · 2022-05-27T16:02:03+00:00

People really underestimate the power of just leaving. I don’t care if it’s been 5 months or 5 years, the second the relationship becomes unhealthy or something that I don’t want, it’s time to end it, I don’t care. It’s best for both parties

I disagree that reasons being incompatible don’t matter though, and honestly you’re probably not even making this argument, but I think it matters for the purpose of self reflecting and learning. You want to know why there was incompatibility, that way you grow and learn and never date anyone like that again

I do agree that peoples other’s opinions don’t matter who gives a fuck if somebody who has a warped perception of relationships think you gave up to easy or called it quits too early

melody_of_ · 2022-05-27T16:55:32+00:00

by each gender is the reaction from the target gender of: just suck it up and accept or you're a misogynist/hypergamist/literally Hitler.

Gonna be real with you cheif I think most men/women Are In denial about how misogynistic or hypergamous they are respectively. That or they dont care

localmicrodosechamp · 2022-05-27T17:31:11+00:00

Especially if you haven’t offered your partner commitment. You can’t be mad they monkey branch if that’s all you’re offering.

Willow-girl · 2022-05-28T10:52:42+00:00

I think it's a manifestation of ego to say, "I could never leave my partner even though I don't love him/her anymore." We think we are so special, precious and valuable -- how could they ever get along without us?! But that has not been my experience at all. All of my ex-husbands remarried except the last (I don't know whether or not he did, but men his age with his kind of money are generally in demand) and have had happy lives, as far as I can tell from Facebook, with their subsequent wives. (And I am happy as heck for them!)

Sometimes hanging on to a dead relationship is not only blocking you from creating a better life for yourself; it's holding back your partner, too.

Divorce is not the end of the world that some people here make it out to be.

AidsVictim · 2022-05-27T22:15:36+00:00

You're never going to find someone who is perfectly compatible or near it. You are always going to find some degree of incompatibility with any partner.

Purity testing and moral absolutism has been profoundly damaging for socialization

Pilling_it · 2022-05-27T16:31:19+00:00

You're asking people not to complain knowing well that's why they bitch in the first place.

If you're not happy with what you have, there's literally two options : expect less, or make yourself worthy of more.

And people want more without doing anything.

ProfessorFelix0812 · 2022-05-27T18:46:01+00:00

Yes!

byebyecivilrights · 2022-05-27T19:25:39+00:00

Correct.

ChessClubChick · 2022-05-28T00:21:50+00:00

Women aren’t entitled to the truth either.

Leakyfaucet234 · 2022-05-28T01:35:34+00:00

No one is “entitled” to protection from criminals such as rapists

peanutbutterjams · 2022-05-28T02:57:47+00:00

No one is "entitled" to anything:

Sure we are.

We're all entitled to a basic modicum of respect, something that feminists refuse to give men.

And we're all entitled to our universal rights.

Crafty-Particular998 · 2022-05-27T17:33:19+00:00

Spoken truly like someone who has never experienced soul crushing heartbreak.

urukshai · 2022-05-27T16:18:07+00:00

...since it is 2022 and not 1222, there is no problem since anyone can leave at any time for any reason.

Which means commitment itself is meaningless and dead, which means it makes no sense anynore to be punished by the state and laws for breaking it.

Not only commitment to partners is dead... people have no trust in friends, family, government, companies, society, etc. so they live in constant survival mode, ready to attack. I do not think it is fixable at this point for most people.

This post sells a romantic idea of a nasty thing that will only get worse and people will soon all live drugged in antidepressants to come.

nothatyoucare · 2022-05-27T18:53:17+00:00

No one is "entitled" to anything: sex, specific sex acts, a relationship, specific treatment in a relationship, etc., and since it is 2022 and not 1222, there is no problem since anyone can leave at any time for any reason.

Tell me you have no idea about how interpersonal relationships work without telling me you have no idea how interpersonal relationships work.

In social psychology, reciprocity is a social norm of responding to a positive action with another positive action, rewarding kind actions. As a social construct, reciprocity means that in response to friendly actions, people are frequently much nicer and much more cooperative than predicted by the self-interest model; conversely, in response to hostile actions they are frequently much more nasty and even brutal.[1]

Reciprocity makes it possible to build continuing relationships and exchanges.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. Reciprocity applies to all interpersonal relationships, friendships, acquaintances, even work relationships.

When you first get into a relationship with someone sure. But once you've made a commitment to one another, whatever level it may be, that's when the obligations to one another start. That's when the mutual caretaking starts. Because if you can't rely on one another when the chips are down then what is even the fucking point? Nonsense.

neolib-cowboy · 2022-05-27T22:55:01+00:00

One of the problems with this, IMO, is that people leave at the very first obstacle. Obviously, there are some major red flags & warning signs that should trigger a breakup, for example, toxic and controlling behavior, constant belittling, etc., but many people give up after minor setbacks which are part of every relationship. Like, oh, we had an argument where all we did was get mad at each other (nothing physical), time to abandon ship.

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houstongradengineer · 2022-05-28T10:45:05+00:00

No one is "entitled" to anything: sex, specific sex acts, a relationship, specific treatment in a relationship, etc.,

Certain things like cheating, lying, or shit talking your sexual conquest are very hypocritical and wrong. If you get to opt for exclusivity or if you get to claim to not be a POS "slut," then so does the other person you're fucking. Same standards apply for all people if we're all just the same non-entitled humans, right?

I normally agree with the OP unless lies and manipulation are occurring. No one can just leave for any reason if they are being reproductively coerced or lied to. I wish I could say that stuff doesn't happen in 2022, but it does, though.

Mobrowncheeks · 2022-05-27T15:55:03+00:00

Nah, one person doesn’t get decide if “ we” are compatible, obviously they can say that I’m not what do you want your view changed on? Just leaving people alone? That’s pretty redundant don’t you think? It’s literally illegal to not leave people alone..

“ compatible “ with them, but that really just

means that there’s things that they don’t like about me, just say that.

Title	You're just not compatible with each other
Author	cuckedalt
Upvotes	115
Comments	198
Date	May 27, 2022 3:47 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/uz13dw/youre_just_not_compatible_with_each_other/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/youre-just-not-compatible-with-each-other.1118403 https://theredarchive.com/post/1118403

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