The real thing hurting mens ability to get women is porn

Ok-Map-7596 · 2022-10-01T07:28:45+00:00

Not really, basically all men with access to the internet consume pornography whether they're successful with women or not.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-10-01T07:54:18+00:00

I’m guessing OP is ok with sex work as real work, but wants to stigmatize those who consume it. Sex (especially causal) is much rarer for men that it is women. No trying to saying make privilege in other aspects aren’t real, but in terms of sexual access women are privileged. Men don’t generally get the privilege of exploring their sexuality in the ways that most women do. If you want to say porn should be reformed, i think that’s a fair argument. But placing the blame on men, who are expected to almost ALWAYS initiate whilst simultaneously not be creepy or threatening to the women without prior experience is a double bind many men just don’t feel comfortable with anymore.

RootingRound · 2022-10-01T07:50:49+00:00

I think you've got the causality reversed for most unsuccessful men.

AlternativeIntern8 · 2022-10-01T07:14:01+00:00

How do you explain the men who do get partners despite watching porn?

MDFornia · 2022-10-01T15:00:46+00:00

I'm guessing a woman wrote this based on the title alone. For some reason, this idea that male porn consumption is the root cause of all sexual and romantic dysfunction is extremely popular among women who spend too much time on the internet. Didn't even read the post; I can tell you two things from the title: you're a woman and you're wrong.

ZealousidealAd7191 · 2022-10-01T11:39:05+00:00

…So explain to me how watching the new Charlie’s Angles film will help me understand and or get women…🙄 Most female led media is just as unrealistic as porn.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-10-01T07:22:27+00:00

Let’s ignore the porn part because that’s a whole other can of worms. You want to criminalize sex workers and punish tech companies for holding that media? No? Then there’s nothing you do about it. Unless your willing to make AI that censors all nudity on the internet and does the visa route in making it impossible to host that content or pay those prostitutes it’s impossible to do anything.

If it’s good. Guys will watch it. Full metal alchemist is one of the most popular anime ever. Written by a women. Studio Ghibli movies are one of the most popular movies. Most of the time they have female leads.

It’s not that men don’t watch female media. Is that most are shit quality. It’s usually super woke contrived bullshit.

Rather then spending time trynna tell an actual good story with a decent message. It’s just boring power fantasy written by privileged upper class women.

Look at she hulk. How compare that to the actual first hulk movie when he as tracked down and shot at constantly by government forces and actually had issues.

My friend tried to make me watch fleabag. Shit was the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen. The most annoying pathetic mc ive ever seen in creation of media.

Now don’t get me wrong. Male lead shows are garbage to. Rick and Morty or whatever the hell The Creator makes is the most annoying degenerate stuff I’ve ever seen.

I’ve enjoyed books by Jane Austin. I’ve loved watching studio ghibli movies with their Legitimately inspiring female leads.

The issue is the bar for female lead media that “we must like” is low. I know 80% of the shit on TV is male lead. I get that.

But that doesn’t means that the bar is gonna be lowered for female lead stuff just because there’s less of it. Foreign media like in Japan and France seems to be able to produce decent shit even with those restraints.

Make good things and people will come. Stop trynna push stupid characters that no one likes.

No one hates on Mulan because it was good. No one hated on Meredith because it was good. Everyone loves FMA because it’s Amazing. No one hates Paramore because the singer is amazing. No ones talks shit about Amy Winehouse because her vocals were something that can’t ever be replicated due to shear talent.

When it’s good and amazing. You don’t see or remember the backlash and it’s critically acclaimed. So much so you don’t even remember if there was any.

But new Star Wars? Trash. New Marvel characters? Trash. So on.

Just make better shit. Stop complaining. You can’t shame men into compliance thats never worked.

cloroxfornialove · 2022-10-01T08:40:49+00:00

Nah, they're just not attractive to women.

abaxeron · 2022-10-01T10:23:00+00:00

female directed movies

Female directed movies such as 2015 "The Lure" - feminist retelling of "The Little Mermaid", in which, once the main heroine refuses to kill "the prince" and turns into seafoam, her sister bites her beloved man's throat out right in front of terrified guests who came to his wedding. The moral of the story is "if a man refuses to marry you, it's okay to kill him".

Or feminist classic "A Question of Silence" (1982) about a group of women stealing some clothes from a store and beating its owner to death once he caught them, in the vicinity of a terrified baby in a stroller. The moral of the story is "if a man does not like you taking his stuff, it's okay to kill him"

How dare we forget 2014 "Felt" - "if any man, ever, hurt you, a woman, it's okay for you to kill any other man".

And finally, "She-Hulk". A TV show that managed to rape two men within what, 5 episodes?, one of them by a titular character.

For the sake of my own sanity, I'd rather watch some porn.

peppapigoink95 · 2022-10-01T10:26:26+00:00

I remember when I used to watch porn, I one day looked on the front page, and looked at the most popular stuff. It was all pretty vanilla. The reason I looked was because I'd been scrolling through FDS, and based on what a lot of people on there said, porn was now all pretty abusive and extreme. But the most popular stuff is pretty basic. Most people were watching the vanilla stuff, but only some were watching really extreme stuff. The bdsm stuff was just another small niche, and it wasn't what I'd consider abusive. The legit abusive stuff isn't even allowed on mainstream sites, I'm pretty sure.

I think what is definitely extremely popular is the straight male gaze in porn. Pov generally means male pov. Female pov is rare. I also looked that up, to see if it was even a thing. It barely was lol. I wonder what dudes would think, if the majority of porn was female pov and female gaze. Would they even watch it? Would they be more likely to care if their gfs were watching, if it was a video of Chad thundercock gazing into the camera while apparently "going down on" the viewer, total pov video style?

And yet, women comprise of like a third of viewers. Despite it being so male centric. And women statistically watch the more extreme stuff more then men do. So I don't really buy what FDS says about men getting all abusive and sexually warped due to porn. I'm sure some do, but most porn features women moaning and being into it. Not starfishing, not crying or being hurt. Just being wildly into it.

Now, if porn were realistic, he'd be using a vibrator on her clit to make her moan. Not just plowing away. But don't say that men don't care about women's pleasure, when porn by and large features women having all the pleasure. Sure it's unrealistic, as most women irl don't come from penetration alone. But porn isn't supposed to be realistic. It's a fantasy. It skips the part where he puts on the condom, and she takes her birth control. It shows stuff that's gonna get the dude off (blowjobs and penetrative sex), cuz that's the primary audience - men.

I think this might be why bondage stuff is popular with some women, cuz while they're tied up, it's often in tandem with having some sex toy used on their clit. Same with lesbian porn. There's more clit play there, than with the average vanilla straight porn.

Source: pornhub did a breakdown of their viewers demographics. I think they do one every year but idk.

NockerJoe · 2022-10-01T07:01:59+00:00

Men don't engage in female media because its literally not designed to appeal to them. Male media has a push to get women into it because its somehow seen as empowering and boundary breaking.

Nobody gives women shit if they don't want to watch John Wick or whatever random Avengers movie is in theaters but its suddenly men hating women if men don't give a shit about Divergent or Twilight.

dekadoka · 2022-10-01T07:40:46+00:00

A lot of women want to use sex to control and manipulate men, so of course they see porn as a threat.

poppy_blu · 2022-10-01T08:37:40+00:00

I agree in the sense that the internet has provided easy access to hardcore and disturbing porn to kids waaaaaaaaay too young, and i do think that has warped a fair number of young minds. At the same time, I don’t agree that the act of watching porn is what’s interfering with the dating lives of adult men. I think many are just not equipped for successful dating or relationships and they’re turning to obsessive amounts of porn to escape. You said it yourself — they don’t have much real life interaction with women. That’s the problem. Similar to how addictive tendencies and lack of impulse control is the problem, not the alcohol per se.

And let’s not ignore how the explosion of kids esp boys with autism and poor socialization coming of age compounds the problem.

Willow-girl · 2022-10-01T13:47:45+00:00

I imagine that if a shy young man somehow gets with a real, live woman and his dick doesn't work properly thanks to Death Grip, he is probably flustered and embarrassed and not in a huge hurry to try again.

wtknight · 2022-10-01T15:13:34+00:00

There are plenty of men who can talk to women and attract them just fine who use porn. Maybe porn addiction is a problem for some men, though.

Choice_Ad_6230 · 2022-10-01T17:09:21+00:00

I dont understand what point youre trying to make. Media, what media and how is the data you collect relevant? Do you date women as a man? Are you a therapist, counselor, psychologist, biologist? Are you a man or boy?

I agree with you, btw, that porn isn't helpful to male (and to a certain extent, female) social/romantic interpersonal dynamics- but saying something like "The real thing hurting men's ability to get women is porn", is such an insulting invalidation of everything men purport concerning their experience with today's modern day women.

I just find it gross, ignorant and lacking proper or even possible perspective, without lowering yourself to actually listen to men when they say what's hurting them. I don't expect it either.

The points you made I found weak and honestly surprisingly odd.

TheSnesLord · 2022-10-01T21:51:26+00:00

Pr0n isn't hurting men's ability to get women.

What is hurting men's ability to get women is the ridiculous standards that women have set for dating men in general.

billsull_02842 · 2022-10-01T22:15:26+00:00

probably because porn costs less and is less difficult and possibly full of mischief.

psd5 · 2022-10-01T23:27:23+00:00

let me ask you frankly. How about if porn is an actual effect of permanent invisibility, being discarded, being rejected, being bullied and ashamed for trying to interact with women ? How about stop thinking for a moment that porn is the main and starting issue but if it's an actual place to be safe from not being capable to recieve feminine attention, validation, sex or love ? You would think that Chads or good looking dudes dont look porn but in reality, most of dudes that have been showcased and being addicted to porn are actual dudes that either dont have a relationship, sex with a woman, introvert or people that never had success with women.

In my experience I could tell that is like a drug, when you're trying to avoid reality and a necessity that you just can't satisfy but try to cover it up with the constant consume of it.

Unfortunately I have seen many women complain about men's habit to consume porn, but they dont acknowledge their responsability to reject so many dudes and dont let them get access to either love or sex.

unloader72 · 2022-10-01T07:06:00+00:00

I think porn reduces harrassment and sexual violence by sedating men.

Think about it porn is net positive for women. Most men get hooked up by it starting from very young ages and that leads to self elimination of average and below average men from dating pool. Thus women are bothered less and less by them in social life.

Porn has no significance for ability to get women of above average men. Women will throw themselves at them anyways.

KikiYuyu · 2022-10-01T09:00:40+00:00

If you're too stupid to tell reality from fiction, that's 100% on you and whatever fool raised you. This just sounds like a redressing of the argument against violent videogames.

ClaraBow01 · 2022-10-01T07:05:51+00:00

It’s a tragic cycle. Schools fail to provide proper sex education, which leads to boys using porn from a young age to learn about sex, which gives them an abusive, male-dominated view of sex, which makes them bad at sex, which makes women not like sex, which leads to people not having sex.

Random-Generosity · 2022-10-01T08:50:12+00:00

This doesn’t make sense. You imply men were players before the 1950’s. Might as well say “what stops men being athletes is watching sports in the first place”

AlternativeIntern8 · 2022-10-01T07:49:56+00:00

I’m not fucking capping. I’m a 24 male who has never watched or jerked off to porn. No one seems to believe me on this.

Sometimes I think I’m asexual. Thing is I do masturbate to women going purely off my mental thoughts or fully clothed images of women. Mostly my mental thoughts. My fantasies don’t really involve sex, it’s weird, they all involve fully clothed women. If I have irl interaction with women (sit on my lap, cuddle, etc) then I get aroused.

And even despite not watching porn I still relate to most of the posts made by men in this sub. Starting to think I’m just some autistic loner weirdo but I’m also getting sick and tired of trying to label and box myself into some identity.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-10-01T15:51:12+00:00

More than 90% of men consume porn (US) and more than 70% of women. Only about 5% ever get addicted.

I don't think porn-watching alone causes men to not be able to attract women, however death-grip will make stamina and strength during sex an issue and you see death-grip more with people who watch porn all the time.

2022-10-01T19:49:23+00:00

"Just watch some female directed movies bro!"

/s

GloryToChadlantis · 2022-10-01T22:19:14+00:00

Yeah ummm saying one thing is the main reason is trash.

This is a complicated topic with multiple layers.

There's also issue of women's expectations

There's also the culture phenomenons that go within the dynamic of men and women.

gastongang · 2022-10-01T08:22:21+00:00

to be fair most female-driven media is absolutely ass

I could rant about how much I hate Titanic, Twilight, Gone Girl, 50 shades of grey, and the Notebook for fucking hours

most stories with actually interesting female characters were written by men

gastongang · 2022-10-01T08:30:42+00:00

steamy romance novels is the female equivalent to pornography

oroszakos · 2022-10-01T10:17:02+00:00

You're wrong about everything.

First of all, men who are in relationships watch porn all the time. Their girlfriends may whine about it but they still won't leave them so it is clearly not a dealbreaker for women.

Secondly, a lot of men who are unsuccessful in dating were unsuccessful even before watching porn for the first time. Porn is just a tool to relieve yourself of your sexual desires. If you suppress your desires for too long, you'll go mad eventually(for the same reason suppressing your negative feelings like anger is also a harmful habit). Porn is essentually assisted masturbation. Would you say that masturbation is a harmful practice? Hopefully you're not a religious zealot.

Thirdly, do you really think porn is harmful to anyone? No, it does not change men's expectations about sex because men usually do what women want them to do. Most women want to get dominated hard in the bedroom, so men try to be as tough and "manly" as they can. A lot of men(myself included) doesn't want this and was even taught to always be gentle but women don't actually want this. They want rough sex. Porn simply follows the secret fantasies of women. I would argue it paints a more realistic view of sexuality than what people would like to admit( of course, there are over the top elements which pretty much never happen in real life).

Finally, why do you think porn is so detrimental to lonely men's success? It is a way of coping with the possibility of forever alone. Women have huge expectations that a lot of men barely or can't pass at all. Also it is hypocritical to blame men for watching porn while women continue to simp for stars and male beauty modells. Maybe you should stop looking for Chris Hemworth in all your potential partners, especially if your are not his equal in both looks and personality.

Overall, watching porn is not a cure for cancer but it is not a deadly sin either.

MotleyCrew1989 · 2022-10-01T09:36:29+00:00

If men don’t have much real life interaction with women and don’t consume actual female-led media (men often find it beneath them to engage is female driven art forms such as female directed movies, female written novels, even finale singers and other female artists), than literally the only thing informing their perspective on women is porn.

I watched female lead and written shows, read crime books writen by women, and while some of them are fine (never great), they focus on things men dont put too much attention to. For example in the crime novels, there was given as much attention to the characters relations and emotions (sometimes even more) than to the actual crime. On the female led shows, there is allways a little comment on how hard it is to be a woman (on female written books too), not only get tiresome but after a while you can only think "man up darling, life aint easy for anyone".

statsfodder · 2022-10-01T09:40:01+00:00

Pretty hard to get positive info when most "female led media" has the hash tag #allmemaretrash. On top of that anyone trying to speak to men gets called toxic and cancelled because my soggy knee.

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-10-01T13:09:47+00:00

Most men watch porn, ( even 70% of women consume porn just for all the moral High Ground females that are going to come in and blame us for the whole Market) and according to many of the detractors on here the '80/20 logic is flawed ( which I agree with to an extent ) and most men find relationships and sex, so which is it lol

and don’t consume actual female-led media (men often find it beneath them to engage is female driven art forms such as female directed movies, female written novels, even finale singers and other female artists),

Most men don't have a problem with female led media, most men don't want to consume FEMINIST led media, which I 100% agree with them not doing ( and no it's not about " equality " everyone please spare me that tired lie)

So while I do agree everything in moderation, you can get addicted to just about anything and yes men should not be watching porn all day, ( I actually think if you're out here polishing your pole four or five times a day you ought to be ashamed of yourself ) things like video games, marijuana acceptance, streaming and so on and so forth are also just a lot more time prevalent in terms of taking up Men's time.

And even then women standards have gone up to a level to where some guys just aren't going to feel that it's worth it which is another discussion altogether

Choice_Ad_6230 · 2022-10-01T13:39:22+00:00

Why is it always some woman who is an expert on how men feel about things?

CameronJohns88 · 2022-10-01T15:13:30+00:00

Porn is harmful, but it’s not the root cause of mens ability to get women

Every single man would chose real sex over porn if they could get both roughly as easily

But most men either can’t get a decently attractive woman, or need to put in way too much work to maintain a relationship with one.

The real root cause of mens struggles with women is female hypergamy

Siukslinis_acc · 2022-10-01T08:04:34+00:00

Nah. It's social anxiety (or anxiety in general) and/or lack of irl social skills.

Flojoe420 · 2022-10-01T11:45:35+00:00

Lol this post gonna get the coomers mad.

sparklyyblueberryy · 2022-10-01T17:06:53+00:00

Oh god what is it people don’t understand. Of course you can get a partner despite it, but it’s geared towards a male gaze and men think women work differently than what we do. If they consumed more female gaze media they would get more ”game”. Know how to seduce a woman, know how the female brain works. Sure, some women watch porn but it’s geared towards men.

Porn if anything tells women what men want. 🤣

As for that, I do see a correlation between people that watch a lot and being awkward around women. So.

gopher_glitz · 2022-10-01T09:45:55+00:00

No, it's getting swiped left. If 100% of men were on Tinder etc, most would be getting swiped left.

rubberbandshooter13 · 2022-10-01T10:40:43+00:00

I agree with OP, but came here to add another, similar observation. I think sitcoms and other entertainment media corrupts peoples worldview similarly as porn does. Porn mainly gives men a distorted view about sex and women. Sitcoms do the same for friendships and dating. Lete explain: In series like the big bamg theory, friends, himym etc you always have a group of friends who stick together no matter what. But in reality, you actually have to put effort in maintaining any relationship. About the dating: These sitcoms give the impression that dating and meeting people is a numbers game (just date and date until it works), that you have to do it by cold approaching and so on.

ReferenceImpossible2 · 2022-10-01T13:59:24+00:00

Lmao men don’t watch female directed movies because they’re just not good.

Look up the deltas between men and women’s movie preferences. Like 6/10 of those on that list for women are Harry Potter movies.

Teflon08191 · 2022-10-01T14:20:56+00:00

Yeah, and the real thing hurting an alcoholic's ability to not be an alcoholic is alcohol.

Not their lack of self-control or anything like that. It's all that devil's hooch's fault!

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Abysix · 2022-10-01T09:32:12+00:00

i'm sorry to nitpick here, but anyone who enjoys science fiction and fantasy novels would be hard pressed to have much hate for the broken earth trilogy, by n.k. jemisin.

Latter_Adagio8945 · 2022-10-01T14:34:13+00:00

I think porn is bad. But it’s by no means the solitary cause of the current gender problems.

EugeneCezanne · 2022-10-01T19:37:14+00:00

If men don’t have much real life interaction with women and don’t consume actual female-led media

Since this if the "if" condition, wouldn't that make it the "real thing hurting men's ability to get women"?

calfshrug · 2022-10-02T02:09:24+00:00

Pornography fucked me up. I was a wreck because of my introspection, religious paranoia, social trauma, OCD, and everything came together to lead me to be the most scared, guilt ridden, self-hating, unable to open up person I’ve known who doesn’t have a schizoid condition or such a degree of low impulse control as to be a violent criminal. I’ve borne every type of guilt because of the person I’ve become, even though I am a person with empathy who hasn’t hurt anyone or ever sought to. But my ability to be happy, productive, and pair bond is impaired because of the fuckery I grew up immersed within

Title	The real thing hurting mens ability to get women is porn
Author	Easteuroblondie
Upvotes	0
Comments	268
Date	October 1, 2022 6:57 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xsoko7/the_real_thing_hurting_mens_ability_to_get_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-real-thing-hurting-mens-ability-to-get-women.1133265 https://theredarchive.com/post/1133265

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